Focus, Silence and Interruptions – inner eruption

 

Silence, focus, sudden noise, interruptions, inner eruptions take place, reactions flow over, shouting, screaming, controlling, dominating, then quite, silence and focus.  

A For self awareness I suggest starting this series of interviews here
Click on the name - Self Awareness steps for the Elite - Introduction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot focus when I do not have silence within my environment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to the rule of that I can only focus when I have silence within my environment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by sound/noise within my environment when and as I am busy with something particular that requires my focus. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from FOCUS and to thus make focus a thing out there that I must obtain and so within this create certain rules and setups where I believe only once those specific rules and setups are in place, such as silence, that only then I can focus, and thus within this imply that I am never focussed or the directive principle within my every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that focus is something I must practice and so I seek and want to obtain the right environments where there is NO distractions for me to train and practice my focus within what I am doing, and thus within this rule I have made for myself I will always fail as noise will always be here and not seeing and realizing that practicing my focus within specific conditions limits my focus to those specific conditions and thus the practice will never leave those specific conditions unless I drop all conditions and walk focus as me in each and every breathe and to stop the distractions within me as the thoughts/feelings/emotions that arise within me when I feel someone else is fucking with my focus by making noise/sounds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone within my reality comes to me to get my attention while I am busy with something I need to focus on, to lose focus almost immediately and to within this access anger and frustration and so within this act out the anger and frustration where I now attempt to control my reality through my sound and behaviour to get control of my environment to once again have focus and to focus on what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that focus is ME as breath in each and every breath and thus no matter what comes within my reality, that according to the mind as energy should trigger me and or distract me, to remain focussed on the breathing, not necessarily on what I am doing, as what I am doing mustn’t determine who I am, and so I see and realize that as long as any energy moves within me and not me as Breathe clear and here, then I am already not focussed and only deluding myself in the silence I believe helps me focus which is a mind focus, focussing energy which can always be disturbed and thus have a short fuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate focus from Breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate discipline from breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate self-responsibility from breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate flexibility from breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate Care from breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate ME from breath.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Breath is here as each and every breath is all that is here as everything that is here and thus to not breathe is to walk in conflict with what is here as reality, where the mind is finding ways to be within a polarity.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to fully embrace breath as the solution and to from within and as breath walk HERE as life and to direct me as breath in each and every given moment as breath and not to accept and allow the mind to direct me here into polarities as thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek silence outside of me, when breath is silence within and as me and thus nothing outside of me can change anything within me, as there must be nothing with me but breath/life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate focus as the word focus from and as me as my breath, and within so doing seek focus outwards, and so always running after focus and moments and specific setups/environments never finding focus or silence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my environment for me not being able to focus, and thus not see and realize that the blame that come up is due to how I am experiencing myself within the moment of feeling disturbed which is anger, frustration and thus it is within me that the disturbance is taking place and that is what needs to be changed.  

On Blame, check it out here -> Blame: The Hidden Nature

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel someone isn’t considering me and or my environment when and as I want to focus to get upset and angry and to within a second, without notice, tone my voice and shut down any disturbances using my reality and circumstances as a reason and excuse for why and how I can act out my frustration or anger that I experience within me and to then have what I see as control of my environment as to control what I experience within me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as long as I act out my anger and frustration to have silence to be able to focus, and through this control my environment that I will in return create an angry and frustrated environment/people as they will pick up on what I am experiencing through my behaviour and voice, thus I see and realize that I must clear and fully take responsibility for any and all experiences within me till nothing moves within me and to commit myself to NOT speak or say anything as long as there is an energy within me and to focus on ME as breath here first and foremost, even if this means NEVER saying anything again, as it will or might not ever be necessary when I have taken and realized my creation of me as this point and thus focus is me and silence is me as Breathe and no blame or anger or frustration can exist.

To learn more on Feelings, emotions and thoughts I suggest starting this series on the Atlanteans -  

 Click here to start - > Atlanteans - The Beginning - Part 1

Day 564 – I don’t want to take the time to be Specific

All my life I enjoyed just opening up my mouth and speak, I loved not having to consider things in time and then speak about it. I enjoyed this because It asked little to not effort from me. Man did I hate making effort to be specific. It did not matter if it was school work, if it was doing sport, if it was talking to people on subjects. Me shooting out words, or styles of doing things that required no effort, no time to sit and actually figure things out, see things differently, to come to a common understanding within points or how to do things which can be transferred to others in specificity.
Ever since I started my Process I have struggled to be specific within any of my writings, even though I see the points clearly, putting it on writing or explaining it to someone else has been such a struggle and it always feel like I am just missing the point. This obviously has to do with my level of vocabulary and my school years of development. But that’s no longer an excuse, and yet I find this pattern that I have lived for so long to still creep in to most of what I want to express myself within.

So ones again I am facing myself as my patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist having to give/spend my time on becoming and being specific within everything I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am busy with something new to only take in the Idea/concept and to within that run with what I make of it, not giving myself the time and space to actually sit down or go run or jump or whatever is required of me to really get specific and to really test out the concept/idea till I can live/express it within specificity to be able to give over what I have learned and seen to others equally.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen and realized that me not specifying myself is me making myself special within my mind as I have develop an unspecified character that I cannot explain or give over to others in words or skills, as a way of remaining within self-interest and unique.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain nonspecific without ever questions myself why or how I have come to create myself that way and to keep on living within such a character and placing a feeling of enjoyment within being such a character, seeing and realizing that this is me abdicating self-responsibility and my responsibility to the c=greater good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to be specific within myself and what I do, how I create myself is as long and boring unnecessary process and that I can just keep winging it till I get it, seeing and realizing that this is the mind sabotaging me from stopping the mind having control and authority over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR losing the comfort of my current character that is nonspecific through actually focusing on myself in each breathe as how I am creating myself and who I am within each moment within living the principles of Desteni and to actually make it a mathematical equation that I can show/teach and give to others to do/live the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is impossible for me to be specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing within developing myself to be specific and to within this lose a lot of time that could have been spend me just winging things and getting the same results as failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself up for failure within myself within my definition of myself as what I have accepted and allowed as the mind for so long and to project that within the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the challenges that I might and will face on my way within specifying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself within my journey of specifying myself and that I can do it – and that there is help, support and assistance all around me if I ask.

Day 551 - Postponement Continued

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as postponement, within the believe that today isn't the right time, that the right time isn't here, and to within this seeing for the right time, wait till tomorrow, or the day after, and to within this keep on postponing in the hope for the right time to show up, the right moment.

Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone doing a blog just because it is already a certain time of the day, to late or to early and to within this tell myself that tomorrow I will do two blogs to make up for this, and when tomorrow comes, the same pattern occurs, the same thought, the same reasons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone doing vlogs, that I have been jurning to do, waiting for the right time, the right atmosphere, the right light, and to within this make my actions, my participation dependent on the environment and hoping that the environment will magically just fit in with my schedule in my mind, instead of actually scheduling and making the right time, creating the environment through communication, through planning to do the vlogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use justifications/reasons within my life to why I am postponing certain changes, changes within myself, within the believe that I am not ready yet, I cannot do this yet, I am not capable yet, I am not good enough, I am not smart enough, I do not deserve this change, mostly the time isn't right, the moment isn't right, I might as well remain the same for just today, tomorrow I will change, seeing and realizing that within this point of postponement there exist no such thing as the right time, moment or place, it is all about me making decisions and living those decision, either bets for myself and all or not, and If I continue to postpone I will continue to remain the same - and there will never be a right moment/time, I will never be ready or be perfect to change, it must be done in the moment here and walk it, regardless of what the mind has to say, remain breathing in and as the physical and use the physical as the real cross reference

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am going into the mind regarding doing something that is HERE, like doing a blog/vlog, to stop and to breathe, to rather check my reality, ask around if I can do it or set up reality to do it after considering everything, now, check my schedule, and to then base my decision on what is HERE and not within the mind, I create my options, I make my time, I plan things, instead of throwing rocks in the bush thinking something will come out of it.

I commit myself to when and as I see a moment of change, to speak up, to stand, to direct or to intervene, or to be quite, to Stop and breathe, to check myself physically here and what is here, to not go into the mind as the reasons/excuses/justification for why I should or should not and to instead rely on the physical and to direct and move myself as the physical.

Day 412 – Breathe as you in revers, the Universe Part 4

Day 411 – Breathe part 3.

Day 410 - Breathe Part 2

Day 409 - Breathe Part 1

 

When and as I see that I am thinking – I stop, I breathe and I focus my attention on breathing, within the realization that the thinking isn’t real as it require me to “think” about which is the same as making stuff up.

Thus I commit myself to when and as I see myself thinking to stop and breathe and to Not suppress what I was thinking about, but to see why I was thinking, what was behind the point, to be self-honest with myself – to be brutal with myself in my self-honesty and to really get down to earth and earth myself as breathe and to stop floating around in my head.

When and as I see that I am justifying why I need the mind through using the mind, I stop. I breathe, seeing and realizing that when and as I breathe and focus on breathing I notice a very peculiar thing, the justifications suddenly is gone and the need for the mind is gone and was never real. 

When and as I see myself going into back-chat as internal gossip with myself about others/things in life, I stop. I breathe, I focus myself as my breathe within and as my body as my reality as the physical and to be here in real time in fact, where whatever I was back-chatting about is instantly useless and debunked as made up shit.

When and as I see myself moving or not moving myself within a certain experience of myself which mostly is that of fear, I stop. I breathe and I focus on my natural breathing that is already naturally happening/being done and I focus on my breathe till it stabilizes and I move from and as that breathe of stability within my reality within real time as breathe. 

When and as I see that I am using the mind to impose deliberate limitations onto myself as a way to manipulate myself and my reality in spite of others or myself as a way of literally limiting myself for the sake of being spiteful within what I can do or cannot do I stop, I breathe. I focus on my breathing and how my breathe goes in and out of my body in and out of existence as the universe and I move as the universe as the physical where I do not accept and allow myself to be any limitation or lesser version of myself as that which I know I can be.

When and as I see that I am giving my focus/attention my being to the mind as who I am within each moment and what I am capable of or not, I stop. I breathe and I see what is here in fact as the physical as I stabilize myself as my breathe and as my body and as me here in actual real EYES.

I see and realize that this is a new way that I must practice and give my attention to, my focus and to be discipline within walking this new way as the principle of life of oneness and equality and doing what best for all life in all ways, as I see and realize the plan, and as this is the plan to live I discipline myself within each moment to breathe and stand up if I fall and to do this till I become it as who I am, as I see and realize that as I created myself as the mind through practice, through space and time so must I equally create myself as life one and equal. 

When and as I see that I am faced with a point of self-experience within myself, where I am within any self believe or disbelieve of myself, I stop, I breathe and I use what is in fact here as the physical to check my points and to have real cross reference, as I see and realize that when I stop the mind through breathing, focusing my breathe and bringing awareness into my body as/with my breathe as myself and so into my reality as me here, I can see when the mind is stopped if what was within the mind was actually real, which I know is never real, it’s made up.

When and as I see myself NOT focusing my breath, I stop. I Breathe, I do not judge myself I do not hold that which was within my mind within what I was participating within against myself, as I see and realize that holding it against myself I will only do it again and again and time loop and get myself stuck within the mind, and thus I commit myself to Forgive myself in that moment or to write the points out and write/apply self-forgiveness and to move on as breathe unconditionally for and as myself. 

I see and Understand that it is not to suppress the mind, to hide the mind or to block the mind, it is to use breathing as myself to walk through the mind, to understand the mind, yet not to get stuck in it, to do this within self-honesty and common sense and to understand the mechanics of how I created myself as the mind, as understanding gives way to standing up and to stop standing under everything and to stand one and equal with what is here, with what I have accepted and allowed to exist. And to then through this re birth myself as the physical at the same time, as I remove the mind through understanding and self-forgiveness/not separation, I have my support, my reference as the breath as the physical for what I am standing as that which is real and matters… as the physical is the matter that we all exist as, as a matter of fact. 

I commit myself to walk this process breath by breathe in patience within real time, to not miss the points that can be seen and walked and to commit myself to this process till it is done, till all are free one and equal and we all walk as one as the physical, the one reality we all share in fact, as we all can see that together and confirm it together and thus our oneness is here as the physical and not the mind, as the mind has many alternate realities only each one is aware of for themselves and thus really all made up and still this is what we accept and allow to direct our lives/our world. How is that even possible? 

Breathe – as the universe as matter, an action of expanding and contracting, all is here. Breathe is U in reverse, from the mind to breathe.

Day 411 – Breathe Part 3

Day 409 – Breathe Part1

Day 410 - Breathe Part 2

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown of Breathe, No mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations of myself and what I might do and not do when and as I am breathing instead of thinking, seeing and realizing that within this I can already see within myself that it is I am contemplating about doing or not doing, should I or should I not, can I or can I not, and thus when and as I breathe I can see myself simply doing it what needs to be done with no mind creating a fear/reaction to stop me from moving as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word Breathe as something irrelevant that I don’t need to focus on or be aware of as it happens naturally anyway, seeing and realizing this is an act of ignorance and thus reflecting what I am living as, as Ignorance of what is here, as this is clearly reflecting within reality where we are all in ignorance of what is here in fact and thus leading back to ourselves with something as simple as one breathe and not being aware or focused on one breathe even.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is within breathe, the cutting edge of Time as breathe of life that I am here as life, that I move as life, and that I have no fear, and when I have no fear I see and realize all that which I fear will not exist and I will be open and clear and able to do what I have always protected myself from doing and standing up and speaking and learning and really live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define breathing as something dumb to focus on when I can rather spend my time focusing on things in the mind and make my time valuable as that which I am thinking about might come handy in time, and when I am not thinking I am not preparing and not readying myself for the future, seeing and realizing that this is a paranoia system design with me where I live in the future as paranoia and thus feel compulsive to be in my mind thinking and preparing and basically creating fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually for real LIVE and Be life in fact through each and every breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power to the mind as having a purpose of some great value and that somehow I must defend the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to defend the mind in the reasoning that I have a mind and thus it must mean it means something or has some great purpose. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defend the mind, instead of breathing and letting go and being here, seeing and realizing that standing as a single breathe of LIFE I am here as LIFE in all dimensions and thus no thinking required as all is here as me and thus thinking is but a process of the mind compromising self as breathe to move as life one and equal in fact within what is here to compromise self for the minds own purpose of generating energy for its own survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the mind must survive for me to survive. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when and as I give all my trust to and as breathe in each moment that my survival will be in danger. 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all my life my survival has been dependent on the mind and thus as my evidence of me still being here alive as a result of living in my mind I have learned to only trust my mind, seeing and realizing that this is self-deception as it is my breathe in fact that has been keeping me alive and all I have done was never lived, but hide in fear and in characters and personalities in fear of dying but never live, seeing and realizing that what the fuck is the purpose of surviving then when I have never lived, BE life as who I am in fact in essence as my being s as my flesh and not the mind as energy as the past as memories as that which will simply be deleted at death. 

to be continued