OH no, Coldness is touching me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as just a tiny litte bit of cold air or wind touches my body to immediately want to get a jacket on or something warmer just not to experience the coldness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR shiffering and being cold when and as cold air or wind touches my skin. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike even a little bit of cold ait touching my skin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that coldness is bad for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that cold air or wind touching my body is a bad sign and thus I want to get warm as fast as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I experience myself as cold then I can get sick or ill, or even not be able to move or do anything properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that coldness Is something that is against me, that wants to harm me, that wants to put me to sleep or out of action, to not work and be effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a negative state of mind when and as I experience just a little bit of cold air on my skin or a cold breeze passing by where I then thing, OH no, It I cold, I am not going to be able to move and work outside effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HATE the physical experience I go into when and as a cold breeze or wind is passing by and touches my skin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike and have a negative mind set about my fingers and body feeling stiff and cold when and as it I cold, where I think thing and blame the cold for me not being able to effectively use my body or do things, such as typing or working with tools and to within this go into a giving up mode of rather not wanting to do anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as too much work to breathe and to relax my body when and as it is cold and I am experiencing myself as cold, to relax my body and to focus on the breathing and to not let my body tense up within the experience of coldness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to JUDGE coldness as BAD and negative based on how I experience myself within the cold, seeing and realizing that cold is here is it an expression of life it isn’t good or bad, it is something I can also enjoy if I drop the brainwashing and conditioning that I as the mind have placed on the cold as a way to attempt to manipulate myself and my environment to get things to be my way.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accept and allowed myself to see and realize fully my responsibility within my experience that happens within me as my thoughts, my emotional state when and as there is cold, and thus how I as my internal experience effects how I as the body experience the cold one and equal, and thus I see and realize that I can actually learn from the cold as the cold exposes ME and different parts of me and what emotional states I exist as hidden, that comes out when it is cold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just accept the experiences within me when it is cold as it is cold, and to not investigate what is coming up within me that determines my experience within coldness, where coldness has now become this whole thing instead of just cold, and expression of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not challenge who I am within cold and to just run with it a normal, because everyone else seems to also find it normal and have the same and similar experiences and thus mine must be real and true and valid, never challenging every part of ME that comes up and exposes itself with different weather.

I commit myself to check myself and who I am and the experiences I have when and as I am cold.

I commit myself to breathe and to walk through and understand the emotional experiences that comes up when and as I am cold.

I commit myself to challenge the back chat that comes up as my living and behaviour when and as it is cold and to check what is real as ME and what is a design to further control me as the mind energy slave to consciousness where apparently the physical is the problem and causes me to experience myself certain ways within me.

Day 608 - Stubbornness

Stubbornness

I have been a very stubborn person throughout my life, right up in people’s faces I would be stubborn, someone would offer me their help and I would say NO, I can do this by myself, or I would be struggling with something for weeks, even months, and I will NOT ask for help, because I must face this alone, I must get this all by myself.

Since I started walking my Desteni process, the tools and the material in all the blogs and vlogs and interviews has been challenging a whole different level of stubbornness within me.

I NEVER enjoyed anyone giving me the answer that is RIGHT, I would rather hold onto my own answer with my own added values that I see is the “right” way, even when I know it is just an opinion or a believe or idea – even when the answer given to me as the “right” answer has already been lived by someone and has already been proven by someone and can be explained to me in detail, whereas I with my answer cannot, I will hold onto my answer, being stubborn, unwilling to give up MY way as my Ego, going where my energy is, and not letting GO of it and taking on humility and seeing the new information as it is and to actually apply myself. NO, I would rather struggle for weeks and months and then learn it by myself, maybe. Or I would rather be stuck in MY WAY forever than rather giving it up and letting the ego GO.

This has changed a lot during my time walking with Desteni, and I have seen almost immediate improvements in my life, first of all, I learned that I am alone yet together alone with other people. Secondly if someone else gives me an answer that is “right” compared to mine, It doesn’t mean they see me as less, in fact it means they see me as more and that’s why the answer or new information is provided, because the other person wishes for me to be my utmost potential and for me to stop struggling within myself, yet with stubbornness that struggle can be very real and LONG.

Thirdly, I realized how much I reacted towards other people challenging my IDEA I have of myself, and how this challenge that others are giving me puts up this WALL of stubbornness and where I now MUST be more clever, or have a correct answer, or one that is even MORE better and saying those things as to show the other people I do not need your advice or help, which is again stubbornness, unwillingness to change, unwilling to admit that my way isn’t the way, and that if someone gives me a different way that takes out all the struggling, then I can simply take it – BUT NO, stubborn people, as myself want to be special, you see. Stubborn people want to be able to say SEE I did it all by myself, therefore I have all the credit, I was right, I am the winner of ME, but really?

This stubborn point has been challenged within me to its utmost through starting my Desteni Process, to be humble, to not be the all-knowing person, to be the inflexible self-righteous person that is always in conflict with everyone because LOOK I have a better answer, look I am saying this, YOU didn’t have to, I didn’t need any help from yo, even when what I say was inspired fom the other person, I mold it to my own.

one of the biggest stubborn indicators is to be part of a group, to walk as a group and within one principle, because then there is no MY way. it is best for all always, the group comes first. 

And this character can be sneaky, I have noticed how I can even listen to someone and SEE what they are saying and how it makes sense, and the practicality within what they are saying is HERE, yet I will walk away from such a conversation and then I will go in myself – ok, let me IMPROVE this what I was given and make it even better, and this I do because if I change what was told to me or what I heard, into my OWN version, then I can use it and tell the other person I still did it all by myself, LOOK I have an even better way of saying it, of doing it, I found this way, not you, I didn’t need your help. The stubborn character LOVES credit for itself no matter what, as long as someone else wasn’t right or helping or giving better information than the stubborn character.

I will be going into the stubborn character in more detail within my next blog through self-forgiveness.

Day 563 - Hating to be around People/humans

Ok, so I must admit, I do not enjoy being around other people, that’s just me being honest – OH wait, Honesty is actually me lying to myself, because when I really look at it, I do not hate being around other people, I must now really get to being self-honest with myself, to dig deeper than that feeling I am hiding behind and keep using as excuses and reasons and justification for why I am the way I am, OH yes, being self-honest is looking beyond those comforting points, if you dare you might have a moments scare, but I am telling you that if you push through to being self-honest, to look beyond the feelings and emotions and thoughts and to see what is really the issue here. It comes back to MYSELF always.

So I have an experience inside of MYSELF when I am around other people, that is the first indication, the feeling/emotions/experience is within me, my thoughts are keeping it there in place, and some random memory that I have no clue of is running in the back ground where I defined myself within a certain moment within around people/humans in the past that is now still playing out in the present. So what is it that I have created within me as not liking and thus hating about being around other human beings? Answering those questions for myself, I will find that it will reveal points within me that I have separated myself from and thus created friction within my reality, which started first within me. So let’s dig in with Self forgiveness to get to see creation being undone as what isn’t best for all including myself in action and re-birthing self as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed This HATE to just exist within me when and as I am around other people, seeing it as normal and just as who I am naturally.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question this “natural me” that I have been living for a long time as not liking and thus hating being around other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this “not liking” and thus hating being around other human being about other human beings instead of taking the point back to myself and to see who I am within being around other human beings that create this hate within me of being around them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from other human beings within myself as being so different and not the same, that when I am around other human being I am in a constant state of denial and separation, which I know is me not standing one and equal as others and to face myself as others and thus I create a friction within me of hating other human beings for what they are showing of me to myself that exist within this world that I must equally take self-responsibility for within myself as all life, to truly be able to stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that me hating being around other human beings is me hating myself as who I am around other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my inner conflicts and mind bullshit onto other human beings, no matter how bad or shit other humans may be, what I am experiencing within myself as judgment and gossip is what is making human beings shit and bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am around other people to not want to hear them gossip and talk about other people as it tires me out and becomes a burden within me to have to listen to this. Not seeing and realizing that when and as I am listening to other human gossiping or talking about other people that I am in my mind doing exactly the same thing as what I am judging them for, thus I am not liking who I am within such a situation.

I commit myself to when and as I am around other people that gossip and talk about other people To stop any form of judgment within me toward them and what they are doing and to breathe an focus on being here as the correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to how people talk about other people in the open or in secret towards me or with others and to within this reaction that I have not like myself and thus not like giving away my authority as Breath to stand as the solution and thus to not like myself being around other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am around other people and their behavior is that of the mind, which is sexual, degrading, or very blunt with what is going on in their mind within their behavior, to feel intimidated as I have judged them within my mind as less than me and as not ‘decent” human beings – where I gossip in my mind and placing myself above them, where their behavior is attempting to bring me down within my mind, seeing and realizing that this is me separating myself from the accepted and allowed nature of the human within myself where I have sunned away those parts within myself and thus have not yet dealt with myself as who I am as that behavior to effectively direct and deal with others within such a behavior and thus create the idea/belief that I hate being around other people/humans as a way to hide from that part of myself that I must still stand one and equal to as myself.

I commit myself to when and as I am within a situation where people are within behaviors that I have judged as not decent and that isn’t nice, to take such a moment and to stop the point within me as separation, to now not participate but to take the points of reactions I see and to see why I react, to realize that they are showing me a part of me that I can now challenge within myself to forgive and to stand from within and to live as the correction where I enable myself to also help others to correct themselves as I live it for myself, to stop all judgment and to actually take on myself as all life that is here one and equal.

Day 492 – Being myself, being natural within work

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I can in fact decide how I experience myself when I need to do something that I have labelled as “work” – where as I can decide to make this “work” an expression of myself, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are only a certain amount of things within this world that I can express myself within and that allows my expression to show, and thus all others things that isn’t within this category of “my expression” that still needs to be done, becomes a burden, a chore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that who I am as an expression of LIFE can express myself in anything that is here, as my expression is who I am and it isn’t decided by what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according what I do and thus what I do must decide how I experience myself, seeing and realizing that this is a personality design, part of the Identity crises that we face on this planet, where we have entities that decide for us what we can and cannot do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when there is something in my reality that I must do or that needs doing and I do not nessasarely enjoy it, that I cannot express myself within doing it. Seeing and realizing that this is me separating myself from what needs to be done as something outside of me, yet I am the one that has to do it, I might as well let go of all the mind point and all the thoughts and back chat and the emotions and feelings that is deciding my experience and thus how I do the task and make it part of my expression where doing the task is then one of no effort as who I am is natural to me and to within this do everything I do naturally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my expressions as not suitable for this world and to within this seek out only certain things within this world that I believe will accept me expression and to limit myself to my own judgement of my own expression to what I can and cannot do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my expression as who I am naturally is wrong and that I always need to fix myself and work on myself as my expression to fit more into this world where everyone else is doing the exact same, instead of just being myself and trusting myself as who I am and to show passion and realness through who I am instead of fakeness and pretense.

Thus I see and realize that I must also align my expression at all times within what is best for all life to make sure that my expression is abusive or harmful to others, not changing who I am but adjusting and realigning myself to be the expression that is best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not know who I am within all the thoughts/feelings/emotions and back chat clouding me, who I am and within this have a contaminated expression of myself that is always lost within my own mind and thus always acting out in a certain way that seems to confirm that there is something off with my expression, not seeing and realizing that it is my expression that is naturally here without the thoughts/feelings/emotions and back chat as the MIND, and to let go of the mind I will know who I am.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give myself a chance as my expressions, but to always fall into the mind as believes/ideas/opinions of who I must and thus what I can do, based on EVERYTHING around me since birth that has conditioned me through my acceptances and allowances of it.

I want to be free – freedom is to understand how everything works in LIFE, to not have thoughts/feelings/emotions chaining one down t a limited mind perspective – to be free isn’t to have no rules, it isn’t to not have any restrictions, it is to be able to freely express oneself as who you are within what is HERE without the mind trapping on within what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give thoughts power over my expressions, to let thoughts decide how I am going to approach a certain situation, instead of naturally walking in and expressing myself within what is here as REALITY, what I can see and direct one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to back up my thoughts with back chat as reason and logic, to keep myself save from expressing myself, in the fear that my expression will be judged by others, seeing and realizing that it is and has always only be me judging me and through my own judgment decide and make certain actions that then show/reveal these internal judgement point where other are also now seeing it and thus doing onto me as I have done onto myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR expressing myself as who I naturally am and to TRUST who I am not matter what – seeing and realizing that this trust has been lost (since I was a baby) due to me accepting and allowing thoughts/feelings/emotions/back chat to govern my LIFE that as based on the mind as deception of LIFE as the slave creator, as the web of my own enslavement to energy.

Day 360 – Daily writing Part 5

 Day 359 – Daily writing Part4

I commit myself to write everyday within my journey to Life blog and to breathe and slow down and to see each and every letter I type, so that I can stop programming myself within spelling wrong and correct myself the first time, and to slow down and not just write any word that pops up or passes me by but to actually expand myself within my vocabulary through looking at what words to place next.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am within the experience of rushing my writing to stop and to slow down and to breathe, to start typing slow and to get the first words out and to bring myself HERE and out of the paranoia of writing.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am not focused on my writing to see what it is that I am accepting and allowing within myself as the thoughts/feelings/emotions and back chat to exist within and as me, and to see why I have them and what will be the result of accepting and allowing myself to be directed by them, as I see and realize that following the experience within me will result in the same time loop that I have created many years ago, and that change cannot come, as change is something I must actually live and not just intent.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am typing without being aware of what I am typing, to stop and to breathe and to slow down, to not go into the hope of changing, and to actually focus on my changing as I am doing it at the moment.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am judging myself on making mistakes when and as I am focused and working on change and correction, to stop and to breathe and to not judge myself as I realize that I have for many years lived NO correction and that the automation within mistakes has become accepted as my physical and thus I must and will still make mistakes only now I will see them as I am slowing down and thus I will be able to correct them.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am getting angry or making myself angry with myself for making a mistake to stop and to breathe, as I see and realize that making myself angry or getting angry is me attempting to use the anger as saying, it’s okay I got angry which means I do care but don’t really care about it as a way to justify my actions that I haven’t taken self-responsibility for, and thus it is simply a point of self-compromise and self-sabotage and not working for me or anyone else and thus anger is really useless when it is for self-interest. 

I commit myself to focus on myself and my writing when and as I am writing and to stop the excuses and justification that I use as reasons to not to have to take self-responsibility for myself and the actual physical steps that is required. 

I commit myself to take the actual physical steps that is required of me to correct myself and to take self-responsibility for myself and what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and to change to create myself and to reach self-perfection within what is best for all life.

Day 360 – Daily writing Part 5

 Day 359 – Daily writing Part4

I commit myself to write everyday within my journey to Life blog and to breathe and slow down and to see each and every letter I type, so that I can stop programming myself within spelling wrong and correct myself the first time, and to slow down and not just write any word that pops up or passes me by but to actually expand myself within my vocabulary through looking at what words to place next.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am within the experience of rushing my writing to stop and to slow down and to breathe, to start typing slow and to get the first words out and to bring myself HERE and out of the paranoia of writing.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am not focused on my writing to see what it is that I am accepting and allowing within myself as the thoughts/feelings/emotions and back chat to exist within and as me, and to see why I have them and what will be the result of accepting and allowing myself to be directed by them, as I see and realize that following the experience within me will result in the same time loop that I have created many years ago, and that change cannot come, as change is something I must actually live and not just intent.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am typing without being aware of what I am typing, to stop and to breathe and to slow down, to not go into the hope of changing, and to actually focus on my changing as I am doing it at the moment.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am judging myself on making mistakes when and as I am focused and working on change and correction, to stop and to breathe and to not judge myself as I realize that I have for many years lived NO correction and that the automation within mistakes has become accepted as my physical and thus I must and will still make mistakes only now I will see them as I am slowing down and thus I will be able to correct them.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am getting angry or making myself angry with myself for making a mistake to stop and to breathe, as I see and realize that making myself angry or getting angry is me attempting to use the anger as saying, it’s okay I got angry which means I do care but don’t really care about it as a way to justify my actions that I haven’t taken self-responsibility for, and thus it is simply a point of self-compromise and self-sabotage and not working for me or anyone else and thus anger is really useless when it is for self-interest. 

I commit myself to focus on myself and my writing when and as I am writing and to stop the excuses and justification that I use as reasons to not to have to take self-responsibility for myself and the actual physical steps that is required. 

I commit myself to take the actual physical steps that is required of me to correct myself and to take self-responsibility for myself and what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and to change to create myself and to reach self-perfection within what is best for all life.