Day 472 - Anxiety before Interactions on topics

Why do I have anxiety just before I interact with another being, to be more specific, a stranger? And to be even more specific. When I am interacting with a stranger about a specific topic.

The answer is simple – now they self, and within this specific topic I can say that if one does not know oneself then there are some parts of self that one is leaving up to random events to direct, this direction will come from the input from others and what feelings/emotions/reaction the input is creating and then one will react on that – and this is the part of self that self-know about and that have an anxiety about it.

Why does this exist, yet again simple and direct, because if it is topic related and one is proclaiming a stance within the certain topic and one isn’t fully informed on the topic one is proclaiming a certain stance within, then one will always be anxious talking to others about it because it’s a defense mode, where one is already in the expectation of having to face self within a certain question that might come up and then not standing within and as the stance one is proclaiming within the certain topic.

If that isn’t simple and direct enough – here is another explanation – if you are a Christian or a Car sales man or a waiter or if you are whatever you claim and you are standing as such a point, But you have not investigated and researched and explored and red everything and anything you can about it and all that consists of it in self-honesty and common sense, then you will always be anxious before talking to a stranger on the topic at hand as you know you are standing as something but are not living it in fact as the facts.

This counts for anything in life – preaching and speaking does not mean anything, as long as there are anxiety it is revealing a pattern of self, the pattern is created specifically to avoid the areas in one’s life that one has not perfected yet, the anxiety is a mechanism that self has put into place to generate fear as to jump-start the pattern that has worked successfully as a COPING mechanism, if one is in fact living the certain topic at hand, no coping mechanism is required as it is who you are as a living example, in the facts.

So what have I come to do for myself – with everything I am currently participating within my life, where ever I see I am within anxiety – I stop myself and I realize I am not going into a pattern, I take a breather to look at the pattern and what it is – I find the point for why I created the specific pattern in the moment, I forgive myself and I correct myself, I do this till I see there is no more anxiety.

There are layers of this and one has to be patient and slowing down is a key.

So now I can take this a more recent event – I am a friend to many families, helping them within their lives with and giving families the opportunity of a life time, so I am in a family’s home, there is NO anxiety because I am one hundred percent certain of what I do as I have been doing it for a long time, not helping families, but what I am presenting to them I have used and done myself WAY before I ever entered a home, so I know I have lived it and I have seen the result and I am still living it, so I am not preaching, I am sharing I am giving them facts and result and I am enjoying it, but as I go on within helping the families, I will face one moment of anxiety, the anxiety might come just before finances are discussed.

This is already giving me an indication that I am falling into a pattern, the pattern is revealed through the anxiety being like a red light going off, showing a weakness within me.

My weakness is that ALL my life I have helped people in my life for free – with extreme points in other peoples live, never expecting anything, so I am not obviously a grown man with my own family, and now Like the system demands I have to have money, I took my passion for helping people into making it my LIFE, but now I have to ask for money in return because I need bread on the table and to take care of my family.

But my weakness if Feeling bad when I ask for money for my service and product, because in my heart I feel it must be for free, yet nothing in this world is for free, otherwise I would be a beggar with my family on the street helping no one.

Now I feel insecure about working with finances with a family within helping the family, and thus when It comes to the point of money I am anxious, as I know I am going to present the finance part as being a “dislike” and thus they will also dislike it and end up saying they LOVE it but will not take it.
Thus here I got anxious and communicated in anxiety to the people, and thus I fell into the same pattern and made the same mistake, because I am not yet LIVING the money part as me as being comfortable within me

Thus it’s a weakness of mine that I need to work on and make it strength for example. So how do I do this, as you can see the help I am presenting to the family I am way confident and comfortable with because I have in fact lived it and done it myself, before ever presenting it to anyone else, But the one part I have never done before is still the anxiety part, a weakness, I have not yet lived it and expressed it as me as fact as the other part.

And how do I get to doing it, through ding it, and making mistakes as soon as possible so that I can find my point of expression and live it, fearing making the mistakes to learn is a waste of time, because the mistake will bring forth what one needs to learn and learn it and then LIVE it. Become one with it. But the anxiety will make one run and hide from making such simple decisions of doing/living and learning and correcting and thus perfecting.

Day 316 – Road To success – Comfort Zone Part 1

A couple of weeks ago I went to a Training course in being a salesman. At this training we discussed a couple of points that is Vital within being a excellent salesmen.

The guy that was training us wasn’t necessarily training us, he was just giving us all the information and within giving the information he gave expressions to express how it can be done, he talked very confident and he was very sure of himself and he did not have any comfort zone.

So what I am going to talk about the Comfort Zone point. Because this guy said the most important thing there is within being a excellent salesmen is to step beyond our own comfort zones.

This I already knew, I learned this from Desteni and within my process and walking my process points.

But hearing this from a Trainer and that it is the most important point was like getting the information from another point of view, so I now bring both sides together, the Desteni Side and the System Side.
First I would like to add why not many people aren’t successful, and this is also what the training guy said, Because NO one ever steps outside of their own comfort zones, this is because we are controlled by fear, and as Desteni has shown me through my own investigation of the material, Fear is a creation only possible when we participate within consciousness as the Mind.

Because as long as we have a mind we have what we call “personal” which is a Personality, and as we all know personalities are Only limitation because we have to have certain things that we LIKE and Dislike to define the personalities, thus we have limitations to what we can do.

Personalities are created through past experiences that then become memories and eventually our thought patterns and what we think about, and what we talk about and what we fear and not fear and like and dislike, so we are defined by experiences (by the past) and thus we accordingly create personalities.

And each and every personality as a consciousness has a comfort zone, this comfort zone keeps the personality in check, in place it constantly defines the personality and thus, when people are asked to step outside of their comfort zones it is usually excused by saying, its not in y personality to do that.
Well obviously it isn’t, because we are consciously thinking about the fears and the insecurities and all the things that we don’t like.

Back to the training day, on this training day the guy asked someone to volunteer, before he even told us what we are volunteering for, I placed my hand in the air as I knew I was resisting going there and thus fearing leaving the comfort zone, I was picked and I was asked to stand in front of the “class”. Everyone else was saying: how can you put your hand up without even knowing what’s happening, how can you volunteer if you don’t even know what you have to do. I said, this is stepping out of my comfort zone.

I did not know the people there, we were all strangers at the same table, I was given “thing” to sell, I did not know what the thing was yet I had to sell it, I was given one minute to sell it.

So here within this test I failed, because the trainer wanted to make a point, he said that we Must step outside of our comfort zone, but if we do not have confidence within ourselves then stepping out of the comfort zone is useless.

As it was proven, I may have stepped out of my comfort zone, but I did not know what I was selling at all, I had no knowledge or information to apply practically once I step out, so I instead was faced with doubt and uncertainly that creates insecurities.

So back to the Desteni message and how to step out of the comfort zone as I have found it through testing it for myself.

Stepping out of the comfort zone is and will always be stepping into the unknown, but then the unknown will become known obviously.

So it isn’t to look for zones that is comfortable, because then we will never find it, we must be comfortable with ourselves as who we are, this means that we as who we are can comfortable be in any zone, because there is peace of mind, peace of mind being no mind, no consciousness as Limitation, it is being with ourselves here as the physical breathing, moving and directing.

I can write the philosophy and the theory, but the question is always How do I practically Live this, how to I go about and practice it.

I use that day at the training as a reference to how I can do it, for instance if I want to sell something, I know that selling a product will be going into the unknown as I haven’t done it before, I know that I will be leaving my comfort zone, as my personality has never had to do that, go there, so I never had t push or face fears or insecurities.

So from the training day I have seen, that I know when I will enter a unknown zone, when I will have to leave my comfort zone, and then I know as I am selling a product I can only do one thing, Give to myself all the practical tools that is and will be required to Direct and move myself effectively within the unknown zone, not from a point of fear, fear cannot be the moving foundation.

So if I know I am going to sell a car, the I know the tools I can give myself is Knowledge and information on the cars, that is knowledge and information that I can PRACTICALLY apply, not useless bullshit knowledge and information that just hangs around, and then I am prepared.

Because the unknown zone will be talking to ALL kinds of customers that want to know what ever they want to know, they want to discuss weird things maybe or not, or they want to know details that I never considered to include within having to know.

So here I how I have applied leaving my comfort zone – when I see a customer, I go to them no matter what I things/belief/fear because I know that is my personality wanting to keep me in the comfort zone, so I step out, I have read about the cars I have informed me and I even take the pamphlets with sometimes.

And what do you know, I say hi and they say Hi and then they ask me questions, it isn’t included in what I red about the cars or in the pamphlets or anywhere I could have gotten hold of it, so here I can have a reflecting moment on what I need to know, what I need to change and get informed on.

And so the more and more I step out of my comfort zone the more and more I learn, and I get confidence, sometime I lose confidence because I can’t answer anything, I use that not as a negative or a positive, I use it as practical feedback.

And this I keep doing, if I never stepped out of the comfort zone I would have never learned, I would have never known what was required or what I need to do, I would have sit and waited in the office and waiting till it comes to me, which is quite impossible.

So the can be taken to all areas of life, in practical meaningful ways, not stupid Nonsensical ways, what we do must be common sense and practical and best for all life, don’t go jumping off a cliff just because you believe that is leaving the comfort zone, that is called stupidity.

To be continued.

Day 301 - Not Good enough Self Commitments

Continuing from Day 300 Not good enough character Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as myself in the presence of authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'feel ‘that I must impress people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be accepted by others as an idea of who I am, instead of trusting myself as who I am in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am defined by others and thus must seek approval and thus take on the role of impressing myself onto everyone, seeing and realizing that within my actions I will be seen and thus it isn’t necessary to create an idea of myself to sell to others.

Ok I see this is simple points, now it is time for commitments.

I commit myself to when and as I am at work to breathe and to do my job and to enjoy myself, and to when and as any movement of energy comes up where I feel that I have to make an impression to stop and to breathe and to see that doing my job as best as I can practically within common sense in itself is already showing I am 'good ‘for the job.

I commit myself to when and as I am moving myself within and as breathe and the boss approaches me to keep on doing my work within moving myself practically and to not go into any resonant reactions of Ideas/Beliefs of myself or the boss and to be directed within that, as to remain stable and effective as myself as the physical.

I commit myself to when and as I feel that I am stupid and thus must Prove myself to the boss, to stop and to breathe and to be here practically moving and directing myself as the physical to give no attention or energy to the thought and to stop the thought and to not move myself in reaction as the thought using the physical as my guidelines to move.

I commit myself to when and as I am approached by the boss or manager on the floor at work and I have a experience of feeling that I have to not perform suddenly and submit, to stop and to breathe and to realize I do not need to take on such characters to do what may or may not come, but that what is needed of me is to breathe and to simply move myself.

I commit myself to when and as I feel less then the person with whom I am in presence with to stop the experience the “feeling/emotion” through relaxing myself and my body through breathing in and our slowly and consistently and to make my breathing my focus and not the experience as to equalize myself within and as the physical here to remain here and to keep my integrity and not to sell myself short and compromise myself.

I commit myself to when and as I feel the NEED to be someone else in the presence of others around me to STOP within the understanding that this is compromising me and taking all my energy to be able to move effectively all day, and that all that remain when I stop the energy the need to be someone else is me here as the physical expressing myself in each breathe one and equal with integrity and self honor and respect.

I commit myself to when and as I feel that I need to change Who I am around certain people as to obtain certain traits that I belief others accept and will thus accept me, to stop and to breathe and to once again remain here as my breathe focused on what is real, and to within this stand one and equal with all that is here where there is no separation of me or another as fear but me as the other instead.

I commit myself to when and as I go to work to start the day off with breathing and to stop all thoughts projections I have already created or expectations or concerns and to let it go, within the realization that it is all useless as I am always anyway un prepared for the un expected and thus I may as well take it unexpectedly, but with a slight difference, with no stress or energy moving me or directing me but me breathing and within breathing have self trust and confidence within myself to be able and to do what’s needed in the moment present in the present no matter whit who or what status the person is seen or standing as within the system.

Day 300 - Not good enough character.

After a few weeks now at my new job I have come to see allot of myself, who I have accepted and allowed myself to be. It is quite revealing to see the characters come out to play, and they come out without even me being able to stop them, it is 'natural ‘to who I am so to say, but it is obviously not natural.



I am at work I am having fun, I have confidence and I trust myself, I am moving and directing myself, I am doing my job good, not yet perfect, I am still training, I am direct with the people around me and I am standing equal to them.



Then the manager comes, suddenly I turn into the Goofy guy, I lose focus and I keep on smiling and 'pretend ‘A lot more to be 'happy'- like this will impress the boss/manager.



For the manager I will do anything he asks of me, without question, like I MUST do it to keep him happy, I must be obedient at all costs, and look so willing, I have talked about this point before and written about it, but the point that I see here is that it isn’t specific to one person, it is to all the people in the world that I have given this power to over me, and It is irritating.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give authority to certain people in my life to define me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give the power to certain other people in my world to define me as I know that if I give them that power then they will accept me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to those who accept me.





I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek acceptance from authority.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to specifically built my characters according to that which I have observed that the authority accepts and allows just so that I can be accepted and thus be in the good books.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up my integrity to bend and fold myself according to what the authorities want to be happy with me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am in the presence of authority to go into fear of not being liked and thus being in danger of losing my job.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see authority to fear not being accepted and to thus go into compromise to for a moment PLAY a role that is submissive and obedient in all ways.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to show myself as weak in the presence of authority so that the authority can feel like the authority and thus be happy.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being myself in the presence of authority and that being myself will not be accepted.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear showing my strong stable side and independence to authority in the fear that the authority might find it intense.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving off an intense presence of who I am.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might lose my job if I am not happy around the authority and that the authority might find me useless if I am not



I can’t seem to find that one point, the point I am missing, the character has become me to such an extent.



It is a point of not being good enough. That I can see, maybe I am looking for to much and thus confusing myself. I will stick to this one point for now.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being good enough.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when and as I am in the presence of authority that the Idea/belief I have of myself as not being good enough intensifies as I see authority as people that is experts and can see anything of me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Make my fears and insecurities about the authorities and thus give the power to change myself away to authorities.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am not good enough.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I can never be good enough.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am incapable of ever being good at anything and thus fear the authority as being able to see this and then within this give into the fear and submit like a puppy to authority.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into being submissive when and as I see I lack confidence as a way to protect myself from being seen as having no confidence as the character of submissiveness will do anything that is pleasing and as long as I am pleasing everyone is happy and thus will not see my low self confidence which is a weakness.





I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as having not self confidence when and as I am in the eyes of authority.



To be continued, more investigation will come into this point.

Fear the Boss Part9.2 – Day 294

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291  

Fear Part 8 Day 292 - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/fear-part-9-boss-day-293.html#sthash.ocbB4Ojq.dpuf

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291  

Fear Part 8 Day 292 - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/fear-part-9-boss-day-293.html#sthash.ocbB4Ojq.dpuf

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291  

Fear Part 8 Day 292 - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/fear-part-9-boss-day-293.html#sthash.ocbB4Ojq.dpuf

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291  

Fear Part 8 Day 292 - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/fear-part-9-boss-day-293.html#sthash.ocbB4Ojq.dpuf

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291  

Fear Part 8 Day 292 - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/fear-part-9-boss-day-293.html#sthash.ocbB4Ojq.dpuf

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291  

Fear Part 8 Day 292 - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/fear-part-9-boss-day-293.html#sthash.ocbB4Ojq.dpuf

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291  

Fear Part 8 Day 292 - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/fear-part-9-boss-day-293.html#sthash.ocbB4Ojq.dpuf

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291   - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/fear-part-9-boss-day-293.html#sthash.ocbB4Ojq.dpuf

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291   - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/fear-part-9-boss-day-293.html#sthash.ocbB4Ojq.dpuf

Fear Part 1 Day 285

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291  

Fear Part 8 Day 292 - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/fear-part-9-boss-day-293.html#sthash.ocbB4Ojq.dpuf

Fear the Boss Part9.2 – Day 294

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear the idea of having a boss watching everything I do to check if I am worth his money as a employee.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as useless just being an employee.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the boss can not be a boss without the employee’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as nothing in the eyes of the boss.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that in the eyes of a boss the employee’s are simply the money makers that he employs that are replaceable if we do not make money/work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the fact in the work place that I am replaceable at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through fearing the fact that I am replaceable through acting in ways that is not helping me just to try and attempt to avoid the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose confidence once the boss approaches me, not seeing that within losing confidence when the boss approaches me is a sign of weakness to him which makes me a bad employee within the job I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the boss yelling at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the boss disliking me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things between me and the boss personal, seeing and realizing that it is always just business and thus I can stop the personal point and correct myself instead and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is a self honest point as always and not a fear point as to what needs to be done for me to keep my job as to make money to be able to be supported in the current system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that to survive in the system does not mean I have to sell myself as who I am to survive as long as I am the one standing as the decision at all times within who I am and thus any changes that is made to keep the job and to do the job effectively isn’t a change as WHO I AM but a change as to what is required self honestly temporarily within the current system till it is done and we change this god for saken world into a place that is best for all life.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I go into fear of the boss when and as I see him in my space to stop and to breathe and to stop the initial thoughts/back chat that I participated within that created the Fear and to breathe and be here practically within self honesty focusing on the physical within doing my job.

I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see that I am compromising myself within trying and attempting to be honest with others instead of being self honest with myself within what is required of me to do what needs to be done, to stop and to breathe and to stop any energetic movements within me that is compromising me.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself compromising myself and sabotaging myself through going into self believes of morality to stop and to breathe and to apply myself practically within what is here to work and do what’s required to be done – seeing and realizing that I know who I am so I will and cannot lose myself Standing by principal all ways doing what’s best for all life within each action each breathe.

Fear Part 1 Day 285

Fear Part 9 The Boss – Day 293

Continue from:
Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291  

Fear Part 8 Day 292

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Boss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the man who employes me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the man who I haven't even met yet that employes me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the boss within the fear of losing my job if I upset him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that fearing the boss will prevent me from upsetting him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that upsetting the boss will get me fired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear upsetting the boss when if MIGHT seem to HIM that I ma not working hard enough for the money he is paying me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Fear isnt necessary to use simple self honesty within what and how I act do things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from and as my boss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the fear is of my own judgments of the boss and myself in relation to the Symbolism of a BOSS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Idea of a boss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the System Symbolism of a BOSS as the authority that decides who gets money and who does not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself in relation to a BOSS.

I will continue on the boss point tomorrow.

Fear of Bats and rabies Day 292 Part 8

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291  


I go the bat from the fly trap, I gently pulled the wings of and allowed the bat to climb off the rest of the way, The the bat was sitting on the Brick, he did not move, I realized his wings was all clamped together from the extreme stickiness of the fly trap, I breathed and realized this is going to take time, I gave myself all the time needed to do it, I let go of everything else I still had to do, so that I know the time I am with the bat is for and of complete support and assistance with nothing else in my head, me here breathing, the bat was shivering.

I was avoiding to touch the bat, the bat can have rabies, I looked at the bat and I had a small sadness I have fear of rabies - the bat needs my help or the bat dies, I fear dying from rabies, here is a animal that literally will not make it without my TOUCH, with my bare hands helping him/her, I cannot use cloves, it will contradict helping the bat covered with stickiness.

I used a stick to move the bat, I saw that I was simply creating separation which equals fear, I breathed and I let go of all emotions/thoughts inside of me, I equalized myself with a tree a rock which a bat does not fear and thus will not bite, I had no fear. I touched the bat carefully and the bat climbed onto my hand, I held the bat for a while to give some heat and comfort.

the bat started cleaning himself randomly while between my two hands. I was consistent within my breathing, I cannot allow any thought/fear/emotion, I am here with the bat, it becomes a enjoyment of doing, the bat and I were getting to know each other, we are comfortable, this took a few moments of sudden interactions/confrontations.

The bat climbs up to the tip of my Pinky finger and tries to stretch his wings, he is incapable, I pull on his wing to separate it, as I open it up he starts cleaning immediately on the spots, he is getting poison in, I see there is in the moment no other way. I cannot clean it with the stuff we have, it will tear the sensitive wings and only harm. it is up to the bat to clean and to get it ready, I am only a helping hand till it is done, we keep doing this for a few moments/minute, he can open his wings and stretch it, I am glad.

Suddenly the bats jumps off and fly, I know this is all I can do, the bat flies quite a distance and only going higher into the darkness.

I take a deep breath and I let go. I realized how my fear would have killed the bat f I did not stand clear in oneness and equality, the possibility of rabies was there, but once the fear was gone and the PHYSICAL communication was established, rabies was no more.

Trust is a Physical action, not emotional mind bullshit. so much is possible on this planet for all life - we must start to change what we have created and accepted and allowed in the name of separation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within considering a practical point of that the bat might have rabies within maybe biting me so go into thoughts of me getting abies dn what it might be like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought that is built from the knowledge and information I have gathered from others that the bat can carry rabies where I see myself getting bitten by the bat and having rabies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to REACT towards the thought of me having raboes and to within that go into FEAR of the bat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within going into fear of the bat react towards the bat and to within the create separation within me towards the bat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the thought in itself is already separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself form the bat within fear and self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting rabies from a bat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the knowledge and information that I got from others to use it as a justification for why I am going into fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the knowledge and information I got from others as a reason for separation, instead of seeing and realizing it is to use the knowledge and information as practicality and common sense to apply it within what’s best for all and to only keep what is good and that makes sense and to not use it for self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the harm I am doing within acting and behaving within fear towards animals/humans as all my actions will be of separation and thus cause friction and so create energy that leads to harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the only reason the bat will bite me is if I have any other movement within me other then my physical movement, as the movement within me that comes from thoughts that moves to energy, that is always unpredictable which then makes me a danger and thus to be feared, and so open myself for attack/harm because I am not one being but many entities, the bat knows this, if I touch the bat and my heart beat which the bat picks up instantly even by breathe isn’t consistent then the bat knows there is something else. That cannot be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I did not trust myself to touch the bat that there was other options to helping, and that fear was still not needed and that I could help either way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider letting the bat rather die then me just because I have a fear.

Once I started knowing the bat after a while, I was stunned with how the bat was exactly like a dog, only with wings, so CUTE and liking itself and cleaning and moving and doing the things, so fluffy and warm and all in my hand and on my fingers, with no intention of biting at all. The bat knew he was save now and could work, do his thing, I had to be slow and very careful in my movements, I had to move ME as my body, and this way the bat allowed it and did not go into fear/anxiety which is survival which is then going to biting mode.

As a kid I played with bats ALL the time, placing them on my shirts and underneath my shirts and let them hang from my skin and all kinds of stuff, I stopped doing it because people told me they were dirty and full of disease and disgusting – I started building fear around the point and that was it. No more communication.

I felt like a child again tonight being here with the bat, I also felt sad for what I have done/accepted and allowed all these years to be real to be the absolute truth and to be feared and to live such fear.
To be continued.