Day 472 - Anxiety before Interactions on topics

Why do I have anxiety just before I interact with another being, to be more specific, a stranger? And to be even more specific. When I am interacting with a stranger about a specific topic.

The answer is simple – now they self, and within this specific topic I can say that if one does not know oneself then there are some parts of self that one is leaving up to random events to direct, this direction will come from the input from others and what feelings/emotions/reaction the input is creating and then one will react on that – and this is the part of self that self-know about and that have an anxiety about it.

Why does this exist, yet again simple and direct, because if it is topic related and one is proclaiming a stance within the certain topic and one isn’t fully informed on the topic one is proclaiming a certain stance within, then one will always be anxious talking to others about it because it’s a defense mode, where one is already in the expectation of having to face self within a certain question that might come up and then not standing within and as the stance one is proclaiming within the certain topic.

If that isn’t simple and direct enough – here is another explanation – if you are a Christian or a Car sales man or a waiter or if you are whatever you claim and you are standing as such a point, But you have not investigated and researched and explored and red everything and anything you can about it and all that consists of it in self-honesty and common sense, then you will always be anxious before talking to a stranger on the topic at hand as you know you are standing as something but are not living it in fact as the facts.

This counts for anything in life – preaching and speaking does not mean anything, as long as there are anxiety it is revealing a pattern of self, the pattern is created specifically to avoid the areas in one’s life that one has not perfected yet, the anxiety is a mechanism that self has put into place to generate fear as to jump-start the pattern that has worked successfully as a COPING mechanism, if one is in fact living the certain topic at hand, no coping mechanism is required as it is who you are as a living example, in the facts.

So what have I come to do for myself – with everything I am currently participating within my life, where ever I see I am within anxiety – I stop myself and I realize I am not going into a pattern, I take a breather to look at the pattern and what it is – I find the point for why I created the specific pattern in the moment, I forgive myself and I correct myself, I do this till I see there is no more anxiety.

There are layers of this and one has to be patient and slowing down is a key.

So now I can take this a more recent event – I am a friend to many families, helping them within their lives with and giving families the opportunity of a life time, so I am in a family’s home, there is NO anxiety because I am one hundred percent certain of what I do as I have been doing it for a long time, not helping families, but what I am presenting to them I have used and done myself WAY before I ever entered a home, so I know I have lived it and I have seen the result and I am still living it, so I am not preaching, I am sharing I am giving them facts and result and I am enjoying it, but as I go on within helping the families, I will face one moment of anxiety, the anxiety might come just before finances are discussed.

This is already giving me an indication that I am falling into a pattern, the pattern is revealed through the anxiety being like a red light going off, showing a weakness within me.

My weakness is that ALL my life I have helped people in my life for free – with extreme points in other peoples live, never expecting anything, so I am not obviously a grown man with my own family, and now Like the system demands I have to have money, I took my passion for helping people into making it my LIFE, but now I have to ask for money in return because I need bread on the table and to take care of my family.

But my weakness if Feeling bad when I ask for money for my service and product, because in my heart I feel it must be for free, yet nothing in this world is for free, otherwise I would be a beggar with my family on the street helping no one.

Now I feel insecure about working with finances with a family within helping the family, and thus when It comes to the point of money I am anxious, as I know I am going to present the finance part as being a “dislike” and thus they will also dislike it and end up saying they LOVE it but will not take it.
Thus here I got anxious and communicated in anxiety to the people, and thus I fell into the same pattern and made the same mistake, because I am not yet LIVING the money part as me as being comfortable within me

Thus it’s a weakness of mine that I need to work on and make it strength for example. So how do I do this, as you can see the help I am presenting to the family I am way confident and comfortable with because I have in fact lived it and done it myself, before ever presenting it to anyone else, But the one part I have never done before is still the anxiety part, a weakness, I have not yet lived it and expressed it as me as fact as the other part.

And how do I get to doing it, through ding it, and making mistakes as soon as possible so that I can find my point of expression and live it, fearing making the mistakes to learn is a waste of time, because the mistake will bring forth what one needs to learn and learn it and then LIVE it. Become one with it. But the anxiety will make one run and hide from making such simple decisions of doing/living and learning and correcting and thus perfecting.

Day 433 – Indicators to reach Self-Perfection.

Is it possible to reach self-Perfection? Now I am not talking about self-perfection like when you take a look in the mirror and wanting to see self-perfection as a Picture.

I am talking about self-perfection as self, as who I am and who you are and then what I do and what you do.

Now, the question has been, how do I know what to do and to change to reach self-perfection? Where do I start and what is the indicator’s I must look out for to know what I must do and when and how?
First of all, I realized that I have to be serious about reaching self-perfection; I had to make a decision within myself that I am going to move and direct myself to self-perfection and within that, it takes time, dedication and effort and thus patience yet movement.

and realizing that I cannot do this alone, this is why earth is such a awesome place, everything has consequences and feedback and thus a chance to correct and learn and self-realize, not just because there are humans here, but because everything is Here as the physical.  

This decision within self/myself I had to make first, because this is where I establish the relationship with myself, and who I will be within what comes next, the indicators that will indicate where and what I must do and when.

BUT before I go into what the indicators are I want to bring up another point to consider on self-perfection, to take into account, self-perfection isn’t what people believe it to be, we all have this idea attached to “perfection” in itself, these are two different things, self-perfection is about self and my/your reality/world that you/I participate within and who we are within it.

Thus SELF-PERFECTION is about self, not other people, not about judgment and comparisons; it is something we do for ourselves all ways regardless of what others say/think. It is perfecting self.

Back to the indicators: the indicators can be seen and be explained in many ways – I like to always give a “personal example” to give people a concept to understand and to see for themselves in their own life a similar point.

So here is my example, a very simple daily thing.

Every day in my house there are these things all around the house called Dishes – Humans use these things on a daily basis more than ones, I myself understand the frustration of wanting to reach for a cup to have some coffee and then there isn’t any cups, not even one, I look to the sink and I see, OH they are all dirty, so I know I am a culprit in this, if I wasn’t, then there would have been a clean cup every now and then, the one I washed, but I didn’t, just like everyone else, we tend to do what everyone else is doing, so it must be normal, because they are doing it, it means they are accepting and allowing it and thus I can do it. because now they will not be angry at me for not doing it, so we are all now stuck in this “silent agreement” that no one has to do their own dishes and we will all just “enjoy” life till someone has to do the accumulated dishes, its standing like everywhere on the counter.

So I took it upon myself to do all my dishes, not as a way to be righteous or spiteful or to back up a future conflict where I can stand in the “right” and not in the wrong and make everyone else feel shitty.

NO – it started this way, I made an agreement with myself to work towards self-perfection – for myself, so what happened after every cup of coffee or after every plate of food, I would finish the coffee or food and I would walk to the sink and I would find that there isn’t any space to place my dishes – But there was another way, and it was like the only way, it was really a very clear indicator for me what had to happen next – I had to actually wash my own dishes and dry it off and put it away, because the only space left was the space we made for them to stay, in the cupboard and clean.

But that wasn’t the real indicator, that was just a accumulated point of consequences and now the INNER ME as who I am as that which determines what I do was exposed to me, and the reasons behind why I always just wanted to put my plate or cup down and Go.

These indicators came up within me in that moment when I did not find a space to place my dishes, it was a reaction, a thought and then there was this thing called resistance, and then the resistance showed me as a mini projector playing in my head what needs to happen next, which was me seeing myself washing my dishes and drying them off and placing them in the cupboard – and then why I did not want to do it. This revealed a point of Laziness and a point of inconvenience and thus comfort-zone.

Let me give you another example if that one wasn’t to clear: I was fetching a bottle for myself from the store room and another one for another person, I saw that they were both full of dust and needed to be washed, so I went to the house, I knew I had to wash my bottle now, and I had the thought of washing the other persons bottle as well, but I had this resistance of doing it, because it’s the other persons bottle so he must wash it himself, so as I went to the person I handed over his bottle, But I did it feeling guilty, because I knew that I was going to wash my bottle and could have just washed his as well, but instead went against what I knew. So I started washing my bottle and the other person says to me, so why are you not also washing my bottle, I mean you must have known it needed to be washed before we could use it, yet you give it back to me dirty and full of dust but you will wash only yours? Then I laugh from a guilty conscious and said, I knew it, I wanted to do it but instead went against it, and I took the bottle and I washed it as well.

See the point of self-perfection is to do what you Know you must be doing, not what I think you must be doing, what you know you must be doing, there is a difference, thinking what you must be doing it where the mind is making decisions on made up stuff, Knowing what you need to do it real time real physical things that is here, it isn’t deniable and its haunting – it’s like walking past the cat food bowl and seeing its empty and just going, It needs to be filled, YET leaving it because apparently its someone else’s job, and then a week later the cat is dead, and then you go, I knew it.

The indicators are usually in the forms of resistance and then the moments of KNOWING what you must be doing, instead of what one is doing, its these things that if one starts doing it you will find yourself changing in a way that’s not predictable, because they are moment to moment dependent, breathe by breathe – unless its set stuff, scheduled, they are also just important but it’s not getting to the scheduled things that later on create the same moments where one goes, I knew I should have don’t that.

So how does this lead to self-perfection? Well it’s about self, it’s about you, it’s about me and who we are and what we are capable of doing that is best for ALL life in our own self change/perfection. 
Where we perfect ourselves as who we are in each breathe. Which is something we all still need to discover, yes it’s not impossible because it’s not picture related, it’s not energy related, it’s not limited to mind fantasies and imaginations, its physical living, which we all can do and perfect ourselves within.

It is those moments when you know – when you see it’s something you resist doing, when its compassionate, when its considerate when it’s not within self-interest, when it’s not about just self, when its more and beyond self, where one has to move to, where one has to let go of the limitations and the excuses and the justifications and the self-righteous reasons/logic/back-chat and where ones expands oneself in each breathe in each moment and where one becomes the universe, as you in reverse.

FYI – don’t confuse this with when you “think” I should probably go to that party now, because its been on my mind all night that I should probably go But I am not because I am resisting being with that other person etc, NO – remember the difference between thinking and knowing, knowing is, when even if there is a party going on that you are not going to – you KNOW you are staying home because you KNOW you must stop drinking and rather do some work around the house, which has been avoided through going to parties all the time – For Examples sake.

Day 59 - Perfection and patience

Ok so I was listening to the interview of Anu interview 9 History does not exist

.

Within this interview Anu discussed the point of perfection, and how he was in love with perfection, and that every time he learned something new about himself and what he can do he would go for perfection within it.

This perfection however isn’t what we humans now see as perfection as a picture as a idea of perfection, because that is already putting limits on perfection.

Perfection isn't of the mind where you already have a future projection of the idea of perfection you want to achieve, the perfection that was discussed was in terms of giving it your all in each breathe, perfecting self in each breathe in the details and how effective you are within what you are doing, this cannot have a desired outcome as a  idea/belief/opinion of perfection that you want to achieve as this will only compromise and sabotage self in each breathe as it is separation.

Otherwise you will not reach the idea/belief/opinion and only end up creating points of I am not good enough, I can never do this, it is unachievable.

So it is to instead when you are doing something with in and as the physical, to within the moment be here with all of yourself and to give it your all, to the best of your ability and to have no mind interferences that will create limited beliefs/ideas/opinions of what it is supposed to be.

So for example if I am building a wooden table, or if I am working in the garden and planting food, or if I am writing this Blog, I must breathe and to within breathing be patient here with myself to not RUSH or to HASTE (hate) myself to get it done to go do something else, but to instead be here and work with what is here to my fullest potential in each breathe, to not be moved by time and to rush in the face of time, but to be patient in each breathe within self moment to self perfection.

Thus perfection does not have a picture idea/belief/opinion it is in a way a self expression of self perfection, unlimited, it is to achieve your fullest potential within and as the physical in each breathe within the principal of what is best for all life in all ways.

It is in the details that we create ourselves, so it is to be patient and to breathe and to not rush and haste myself and to do things to get it over with in the rush of time, but to instead breathe and focus on what I am doing and to go into details and to apply myself effectively and consistently till I am at self perfection, as it is SELF perfection it isn’t the perfection the world portrays as nice/beautiful pictures and structures and ideas as that is all of the mind as self perfection can not be achieved living and existing in the mind as I am physical and here, thus it is to actually physically create it, it is to do with practicality, self expression as life and to

Self forgiveness.

Perfection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that self perfection is unachievable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that self perfection is unachievable due me participating within comparison within my world instead of focussing on myself and my self perfection in each breath within the principal of what is best for all life in all ways

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that self perfection isn’t the pictures/ideas/beliefs that the world portray as what is/should be perfect, as that is already unachievable for all as it is limited to specific requirements that only a few can achieve.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that self perfection is a expression of self within each breathe as the whole of my being as life here present and doing what I do to the full potential or to expand my potential in my own individual expression as part of the whole one and equal as what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that self perfection is me perfecting myself within what is already here and to expand myself in each breathe within patience with myself to not rush or haste myself and miss the details of creating myself as self perfection as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to pictures and ideas/beliefs of what perfection is that is portrayed through the media, realizing that this idea of perfection is unachievable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that self perf3ection inst the pictures/ideas/beliefs that the world portray as what is/should be perfect, as that is already unachievable for all as it is limited to specific requirements that only a few can achieve.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that self perfection is a expression of self within each breathe as the whole of self being here present and doing what self is doing to the full potential or to expand self potential in self own individual expression as part of the whole one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that self perfection is self perfecting self within what is already here and to expand self in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to pictures and ideas/beliefs of what perfection is that is portrayed through the media, realizing that this idea of perfection is unachievable for most and thus it is the perfect way to create perfect consumers that will continually keep trying to reach a point of perfection that is deliberately created to not be able to be achieved for most and thus it is the perfect way to create perfect consumers that will continually keep trying to reach a point of perfection that is deliberately created to not be able to be achieved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a picture/idea/opinion about what perfection is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create perfection as something outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear perfection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself as perfection of myself as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that perfection is a picture/idea, realizing that self perfection is me perfecting myself in the totality of my physical body and how I function and move and direct myself within the physical one and equal as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality out of ideas/beliefs/opinions, realizing that if I create a personality out of the ideas/beliefs/opinions I have of perfection then I am limited to those ideas/beliefs/opinions of the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that self perfection as breathe is possible through consistency and commitment to self.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that through consistency and commitment self perfection is possible as I apply myself within my daily life in each breathe as that which is best for all life committed and consistently as to proof to myself in the physical and that it is real.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that self perfection as life is perfecting life as self one and equal, and thus to create perfection out of personality and self interest is limited to those few points that only serve self as limitation and self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being good enough to be consistent enough to be self perfection in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that self perfection is a ideal self, realizing that self perfection is self in each breathe as who you are that determines what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make perfection more than me.

I forgive myself that I have not considered that I can create myself as who I am as I decide who i am in each breathe and thus it is possible to create myself perfect as life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am doomed by my personalities for life and that I have to accept and allow myself to just exist as my limited personalities based on memories and experiences of that past.

I forgive myself that I have  not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I created my personalities through memory and past experiences and thus it is possible to forgive the past and top rebirth/re-create myself in the present in each breathe as self perfection as I have the ability to create myself as it was proven to me through how I created multiple personalities during my life, thus it is simply doing the same thing consistently and with commitment and to self perfect myself as life as that which is best for all life as this will ensure a life that is worth living and so that when I come to face death I will know who I am as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create self perfection in a idea/belief/picture instead of being self perfection in each breathe within my full potential/creating my full potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project the idea of perfection out there onto someone or something separating it from myself and making it more than myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that only a few can be perfect, realizing that self perfection has nothing to do with appearances but as who I am as LIFE one and equal in and as the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider self perfection as life one and equal as LIFE.

I commit myself to perfect my breathe as life through consistency and commitment to myself to breathe and to be here in patience one and equal as the physical and to move myself in re-creating myself as self perfection to my fullest potential as LIFE one and equal.

I commit myself to perfect myself through the writing of self forgiveness and to end all energy driven personalities that I created from the past as memory and experiences and to rebirth myself as self perfection as life one and equal in each breathe as a living statement of who I am.

I commit myself to be patient with myself in each breath and to stop the rushing of life and to be here and focus on the details in all I do so that I can be aware of myself in each breathe and to see where I can change the details to self perfection as that which is best for all life in all ways as LIFE one and equal as who I am.

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