Gian's Journey to Life.: fear of failure

Showing posts with label fear of failure. Show all posts

Fear the Boss Part9.2 – Day 294

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291

Fear Part 8 Day 292 - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/fear-part-9-boss-day-293.html#sthash.ocbB4Ojq.dpuf

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291 - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/fear-part-9-boss-day-293.html#sthash.ocbB4Ojq.dpuf

Fear Part 1 Day 285

Fear the Boss Part9.2 – Day 294

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear the idea of having a boss watching everything I do to check if I am worth his money as a employee.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as useless just being an employee.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the boss can not be a boss without the employee’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as nothing in the eyes of the boss.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that in the eyes of a boss the employee’s are simply the money makers that he employs that are replaceable if we do not make money/work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the fact in the work place that I am replaceable at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through fearing the fact that I am replaceable through acting in ways that is not helping me just to try and attempt to avoid the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose confidence once the boss approaches me, not seeing that within losing confidence when the boss approaches me is a sign of weakness to him which makes me a bad employee within the job I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the boss yelling at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the boss disliking me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things between me and the boss personal, seeing and realizing that it is always just business and thus I can stop the personal point and correct myself instead and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is a self honest point as always and not a fear point as to what needs to be done for me to keep my job as to make money to be able to be supported in the current system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that to survive in the system does not mean I have to sell myself as who I am to survive as long as I am the one standing as the decision at all times within who I am and thus any changes that is made to keep the job and to do the job effectively isn’t a change as WHO I AM but a change as to what is required self honestly temporarily within the current system till it is done and we change this god for saken world into a place that is best for all life.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I go into fear of the boss when and as I see him in my space to stop and to breathe and to stop the initial thoughts/back chat that I participated within that created the Fear and to breathe and be here practically within self honesty focusing on the physical within doing my job.

I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see that I am compromising myself within trying and attempting to be honest with others instead of being self honest with myself within what is required of me to do what needs to be done, to stop and to breathe and to stop any energetic movements within me that is compromising me.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself compromising myself and sabotaging myself through going into self believes of morality to stop and to breathe and to apply myself practically within what is here to work and do what’s required to be done – seeing and realizing that I know who I am so I will and cannot lose myself Standing by principal all ways doing what’s best for all life within each action each breathe.

Fear Part 1 Day 285

Fear Part 9 The Boss – Day 293

Continue from:
Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291

Fear Part 8 Day 292

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Boss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the man who employes me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the man who I haven't even met yet that employes me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the boss within the fear of losing my job if I upset him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that fearing the boss will prevent me from upsetting him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that upsetting the boss will get me fired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear upsetting the boss when if MIGHT seem to HIM that I ma not working hard enough for the money he is paying me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Fear isnt necessary to use simple self honesty within what and how I act do things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from and as my boss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the fear is of my own judgments of the boss and myself in relation to the Symbolism of a BOSS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Idea of a boss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the System Symbolism of a BOSS as the authority that decides who gets money and who does not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself in relation to a BOSS.

I will continue on the boss point tomorrow.

Fear of Bats and rabies Day 292 Part 8

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291

I go the bat from the fly trap, I gently pulled the wings of and allowed the bat to climb off the rest of the way, The the bat was sitting on the Brick, he did not move, I realized his wings was all clamped together from the extreme stickiness of the fly trap, I breathed and realized this is going to take time, I gave myself all the time needed to do it, I let go of everything else I still had to do, so that I know the time I am with the bat is for and of complete support and assistance with nothing else in my head, me here breathing, the bat was shivering.

I was avoiding to touch the bat, the bat can have rabies, I looked at the bat and I had a small sadness I have fear of rabies - the bat needs my help or the bat dies, I fear dying from rabies, here is a animal that literally will not make it without my TOUCH, with my bare hands helping him/her, I cannot use cloves, it will contradict helping the bat covered with stickiness.

I used a stick to move the bat, I saw that I was simply creating separation which equals fear, I breathed and I let go of all emotions/thoughts inside of me, I equalized myself with a tree a rock which a bat does not fear and thus will not bite, I had no fear. I touched the bat carefully and the bat climbed onto my hand, I held the bat for a while to give some heat and comfort.

the bat started cleaning himself randomly while between my two hands. I was consistent within my breathing, I cannot allow any thought/fear/emotion, I am here with the bat, it becomes a enjoyment of doing, the bat and I were getting to know each other, we are comfortable, this took a few moments of sudden interactions/confrontations.

The bat climbs up to the tip of my Pinky finger and tries to stretch his wings, he is incapable, I pull on his wing to separate it, as I open it up he starts cleaning immediately on the spots, he is getting poison in, I see there is in the moment no other way. I cannot clean it with the stuff we have, it will tear the sensitive wings and only harm. it is up to the bat to clean and to get it ready, I am only a helping hand till it is done, we keep doing this for a few moments/minute, he can open his wings and stretch it, I am glad.

Suddenly the bats jumps off and fly, I know this is all I can do, the bat flies quite a distance and only going higher into the darkness.

I take a deep breath and I let go. I realized how my fear would have killed the bat f I did not stand clear in oneness and equality, the possibility of rabies was there, but once the fear was gone and the PHYSICAL communication was established, rabies was no more.

Trust is a Physical action, not emotional mind bullshit. so much is possible on this planet for all life - we must start to change what we have created and accepted and allowed in the name of separation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within considering a practical point of that the bat might have rabies within maybe biting me so go into thoughts of me getting abies dn what it might be like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought that is built from the knowledge and information I have gathered from others that the bat can carry rabies where I see myself getting bitten by the bat and having rabies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to REACT towards the thought of me having raboes and to within that go into FEAR of the bat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within going into fear of the bat react towards the bat and to within the create separation within me towards the bat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the thought in itself is already separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself form the bat within fear and self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting rabies from a bat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the knowledge and information that I got from others to use it as a justification for why I am going into fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the knowledge and information I got from others as a reason for separation, instead of seeing and realizing it is to use the knowledge and information as practicality and common sense to apply it within what’s best for all and to only keep what is good and that makes sense and to not use it for self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the harm I am doing within acting and behaving within fear towards animals/humans as all my actions will be of separation and thus cause friction and so create energy that leads to harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the only reason the bat will bite me is if I have any other movement within me other then my physical movement, as the movement within me that comes from thoughts that moves to energy, that is always unpredictable which then makes me a danger and thus to be feared, and so open myself for attack/harm because I am not one being but many entities, the bat knows this, if I touch the bat and my heart beat which the bat picks up instantly even by breathe isn’t consistent then the bat knows there is something else. That cannot be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I did not trust myself to touch the bat that there was other options to helping, and that fear was still not needed and that I could help either way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider letting the bat rather die then me just because I have a fear.

Once I started knowing the bat after a while, I was stunned with how the bat was exactly like a dog, only with wings, so CUTE and liking itself and cleaning and moving and doing the things, so fluffy and warm and all in my hand and on my fingers, with no intention of biting at all. The bat knew he was save now and could work, do his thing, I had to be slow and very careful in my movements, I had to move ME as my body, and this way the bat allowed it and did not go into fear/anxiety which is survival which is then going to biting mode.

As a kid I played with bats ALL the time, placing them on my shirts and underneath my shirts and let them hang from my skin and all kinds of stuff, I stopped doing it because people told me they were dirty and full of disease and disgusting – I started building fear around the point and that was it. No more communication.

I felt like a child again tonight being here with the bat, I also felt sad for what I have done/accepted and allowed all these years to be real to be the absolute truth and to be feared and to live such fear.
To be continued.

Fear Part 7 Day 291 No Morality

Continuing from:

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290

I fear Not having any morality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of morality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing what needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea that I will become a monster if I let go of morality, seeing and realizing that this is not the point at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect no morality to being a monster without it, seeing and realizing that letting go of morality is to let go of the morals within me as the beliefs I have of myself as what I am capable of doing or not as a point of allowing myself to grow and expand without letting anything holding me back such as fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am my morals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be limited by my own morals of hat is right and what is wrong, instead of simply using common sense within the principal of what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I stop my morals that I will lose myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my morals hold be back from who I see I can be when and as the moments is here as the windows of opportunities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that If I let go of my morals that other peoples wont know who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself t fear that other people wont know who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not know who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within a definition of morals as to who I am, instead of being a being living within a principal of what is bets for all life that is not limited within a set morals as who I am but limited within what is right and what is wrong for all life as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create more fear for myself within living in a set rules of morality in a world that clearly has no morality and to within that compromise myself and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being honest when needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stop pleasing everyone and to start focusing on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief it is wrong to stop pleasing everyone and to focus on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is wrong to be honest with someone and that the right thing is to rather pretend and to lie as if everything is good, even when it means compromising myself and my future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief it is wrong to be direct with people and that it is only right to manipulate and make them feel differently before asking/telling what is needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of that which I am used to as normal, seeing and realizing that that which I am used to as my morals isnt always what is best for myself or anyone else when it is compromising my life and what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my morality as the personality I have created hold me back from doing what is the common sense thing to do within the principal o what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my morals hold me back from being self honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back through believing my morals to guide me instead of me guiding me within self honesty and common sense within what is best for all life.

Fear the Unknown Day 290 Part 6

Continuing from:
Day 285 - Fear Part 1
Day 286 - Fear Part 2
Day 287 - Fear Part 3
Day 288 - Fear Part 4
Day 289 - Fear Part 5

Fear of the next step.
I have to expand on this fear point a bit more, I have always been willing to do anything that needs to be done, yet when I start what I do I tend to fear going to the next step, so its easy starting and learning the basics and the points that is needed, but the next step of applying it for real is where I fear going as it seems scary and as if no matter how much I practiced or trained I am not ready, this is obviously the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I start something new to fear going all the way in theory and in practice within the belief of myself that I am not ready.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I will never be ready and that the fear will always be here as long as I do not walk through the fear and into the unknown to see what is here for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going into the unknown because I belief that I must know what is in the unknown lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create exaggerated ideas/believes of the unknown as a way to scare myself off to not go there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare myself of the unknown as a way to not to have to change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear within myself through participating within the mind as thought projections of what I fear might happen or how it may go, seeing and realizing that it is all made up and not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that moment of pushing through the fear and to change to follow through on the new path.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself little and less then the moment of change when and as it presents itself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the fear in the moment of change instead of validating myself as being capable and to handle the moment as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself and to instead trust the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
Fear of

Fear Part 5 scared of women - Day 289

Continuing from:
Day 285 - Fear Part 1
Day 286 - Fear Part 2
Day 287 - Fear Part 3
Day 288 - Fear Part 4

I fear looking stupid in the eyes of women/female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking Stupid in the eyes of women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life all about what females think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I am not accepted in the eyes of females that I will be abused by them as the being bitchy and mean towards me and gossip about me making people dislike me and making life harder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear gossip about me happening behind my back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being abused verbally by females as being nasty and mean towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project childhood experiences with females onto all females and to within this life and act in fear towards with females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if females do not like me that I am Less of a man and that something must be wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and how to be as the right way to be around females and that it is and will always be the wrong way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear around females seeing and realizing how this is a danger where I make myself small and little around women that creates a inferior character of myself that in its polarity generates hate and anger towards females that is not best for all and thus I see and realize that I must stop this Mind fuck bullshit and breathe and see here as the physical one and equal and to stop my own self judgments and gossip in my head about myself and to not project it onto women as if it is theirs and to live here one and equal with and as them in breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being confident around women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being disliked by females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the feedback I get from females as either positive or negative and to accordingly live and act to either get more positive energy or to live in a way as to prevent myself from experiencing the negative even if it means compromising myself and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that MY FEAR is the cause and the creating point of what I fear and try to avoid, thus I see and realize I must built self integrity where I stand within myself as who I am and to not place that false responsibility on others such as females where I make it a open point for blame and resentment that leads to back chat and even to consequences if the energy experience isnt stopped and taken responsibility for as myself as being the only one responsible.

I fear that I am not good enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear not being Good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the general feeling experience of myself that I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the general Feeling/emotion I experience of myself as not being good enough is acceptable and normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I will never be good enough slave to the system to make good enough money to live a good enough life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for a good enough life with a good enough paycheck with me not being good enough as the reason for it to be good enough, seeing and realizing how this is my limitation point, my point of never achieving and going big and making lots of money and changing my life situation to a point where I can change ALL life with what I have as a support within the Equal Money system and to bring about a world that isnt Good enough But that I BEST for ALL. Seeing and realizing that I must start with myself to achieve the BEST I can for myself to Bring it to ALL equally with what I achieve through Stopping the self judgment and identification of myself as not being Good enough as this judgment is what I accept and allow within myself to always only settle for just good enough.

Fear of fear Part 4 Day 288

Continuation of
Day 285 Fear Part 1
Day 286 Fear Part 2
Day 287 Fear Part 3

I fear that I will never become fearless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that I will never be Fearless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being less then Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that I will have to live with fear forever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a negative experience for myself every time I experience Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear standing one and equal as my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself as the fears I have created as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear standing up and facing my fear, like walking through a desert storm as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear not stopping my fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear fear itself and that it exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear the idea that fear exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I create and I accept and allow the fear within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am the creator of my fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear creating fear and tow within this create fear, seeing and realizing that Breathing and not participating within thoughts/feelings/emotions as reactions and back chat is the prevention of me not creating fear and to instead direct my life and my world practically within what is best for all as myself.

I fear not ever getting specific.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that I will never be able to get specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that People simply GET specific, not seeing and realizing the actual work and effort put into getting/being specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I create the fear of not ever being/getting specific in what I do or say or work on is because when I do those things I do not give to myself the time to be specific and just rush everything.

I fear being specific.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the responsibility that comes with being able to be specific and that I have to live up to it as a point that can stand the test of time to be an example for others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being an example to myself first because that will proof all my fear to be wrong and not valid and that everything I have ever done was deliberate self compromise and creating limitations for myself as reasons and excuses and justifications to protect self interest.

Fear Part 3 - Failure - Day 287

Continueing from
Day 285 Fear Part 1
Day 286 Fear Part 2

I fear failing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I am a failure that I will be useless forever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the failure point exist within me from a system that is designed on winners and losers and that the winners have money and the losers don't and the winners can have food and the losers don't, seeing and realizing that I fear being a failure and not making it within the system as having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing as not having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing a job and not having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing when I haven't even given myself a change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief in a system of chance as Luck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on luck and if I will fail or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself a choice of maybe or maybe not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live by chance instead of using the chance and making it happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the system I live in currently is a system of chance and that when I have the chance to do something that I must take the chance and not fear it but use it to the fullest to change the system to remove luck and chance and failures and achievers as haves and have not's where all live is equally supported within all needs taken care of within an equal money system that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the chance I have within the fear of failing, instead seeing and realizing that I have the chance and thus failing is a choice that I make if I fear it, and thus I must stop the fear and use the chance without fear but to express myself as it and to change the chance to a chance for everyone at life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing myself at the chance I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear repeating the past where I had chances and Luck and just chucked it away for my own self created limitations as the beliefs and ideas I had about myself as being a loser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing within the belief that I am stupid and cant make the best of any chance I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the believes I have of myself is limitations I have set for myself in my mind and to not learn and get thing that are new, instead I let go of this belief and I give t myself a new slate to begin with to able myself to learn and to change.
To be continued.

Gian's Journey to Life.