Gian's Journey to Life.: Self trust

Showing posts with label Self trust. Show all posts

Fear the Boss Part9.2 – Day 294

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291

Fear Part 8 Day 292 - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/fear-part-9-boss-day-293.html#sthash.ocbB4Ojq.dpuf

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291 - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/fear-part-9-boss-day-293.html#sthash.ocbB4Ojq.dpuf

Fear Part 1 Day 285

Fear the Boss Part9.2 – Day 294

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear the idea of having a boss watching everything I do to check if I am worth his money as a employee.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as useless just being an employee.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the boss can not be a boss without the employee’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as nothing in the eyes of the boss.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that in the eyes of a boss the employee’s are simply the money makers that he employs that are replaceable if we do not make money/work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the fact in the work place that I am replaceable at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through fearing the fact that I am replaceable through acting in ways that is not helping me just to try and attempt to avoid the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose confidence once the boss approaches me, not seeing that within losing confidence when the boss approaches me is a sign of weakness to him which makes me a bad employee within the job I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the boss yelling at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the boss disliking me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things between me and the boss personal, seeing and realizing that it is always just business and thus I can stop the personal point and correct myself instead and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is a self honest point as always and not a fear point as to what needs to be done for me to keep my job as to make money to be able to be supported in the current system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that to survive in the system does not mean I have to sell myself as who I am to survive as long as I am the one standing as the decision at all times within who I am and thus any changes that is made to keep the job and to do the job effectively isn’t a change as WHO I AM but a change as to what is required self honestly temporarily within the current system till it is done and we change this god for saken world into a place that is best for all life.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I go into fear of the boss when and as I see him in my space to stop and to breathe and to stop the initial thoughts/back chat that I participated within that created the Fear and to breathe and be here practically within self honesty focusing on the physical within doing my job.

I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see that I am compromising myself within trying and attempting to be honest with others instead of being self honest with myself within what is required of me to do what needs to be done, to stop and to breathe and to stop any energetic movements within me that is compromising me.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself compromising myself and sabotaging myself through going into self believes of morality to stop and to breathe and to apply myself practically within what is here to work and do what’s required to be done – seeing and realizing that I know who I am so I will and cannot lose myself Standing by principal all ways doing what’s best for all life within each action each breathe.

Fear Part 1 Day 285

Fear Part 9 The Boss – Day 293

Continue from:
Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291

Fear Part 8 Day 292

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Boss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the man who employes me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the man who I haven't even met yet that employes me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the boss within the fear of losing my job if I upset him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that fearing the boss will prevent me from upsetting him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that upsetting the boss will get me fired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear upsetting the boss when if MIGHT seem to HIM that I ma not working hard enough for the money he is paying me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Fear isnt necessary to use simple self honesty within what and how I act do things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from and as my boss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the fear is of my own judgments of the boss and myself in relation to the Symbolism of a BOSS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Idea of a boss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the System Symbolism of a BOSS as the authority that decides who gets money and who does not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself in relation to a BOSS.

I will continue on the boss point tomorrow.

Fear of Bats and rabies Day 292 Part 8

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290
Fear Part 7 Day 291

I go the bat from the fly trap, I gently pulled the wings of and allowed the bat to climb off the rest of the way, The the bat was sitting on the Brick, he did not move, I realized his wings was all clamped together from the extreme stickiness of the fly trap, I breathed and realized this is going to take time, I gave myself all the time needed to do it, I let go of everything else I still had to do, so that I know the time I am with the bat is for and of complete support and assistance with nothing else in my head, me here breathing, the bat was shivering.

I was avoiding to touch the bat, the bat can have rabies, I looked at the bat and I had a small sadness I have fear of rabies - the bat needs my help or the bat dies, I fear dying from rabies, here is a animal that literally will not make it without my TOUCH, with my bare hands helping him/her, I cannot use cloves, it will contradict helping the bat covered with stickiness.

I used a stick to move the bat, I saw that I was simply creating separation which equals fear, I breathed and I let go of all emotions/thoughts inside of me, I equalized myself with a tree a rock which a bat does not fear and thus will not bite, I had no fear. I touched the bat carefully and the bat climbed onto my hand, I held the bat for a while to give some heat and comfort.

the bat started cleaning himself randomly while between my two hands. I was consistent within my breathing, I cannot allow any thought/fear/emotion, I am here with the bat, it becomes a enjoyment of doing, the bat and I were getting to know each other, we are comfortable, this took a few moments of sudden interactions/confrontations.

The bat climbs up to the tip of my Pinky finger and tries to stretch his wings, he is incapable, I pull on his wing to separate it, as I open it up he starts cleaning immediately on the spots, he is getting poison in, I see there is in the moment no other way. I cannot clean it with the stuff we have, it will tear the sensitive wings and only harm. it is up to the bat to clean and to get it ready, I am only a helping hand till it is done, we keep doing this for a few moments/minute, he can open his wings and stretch it, I am glad.

Suddenly the bats jumps off and fly, I know this is all I can do, the bat flies quite a distance and only going higher into the darkness.

I take a deep breath and I let go. I realized how my fear would have killed the bat f I did not stand clear in oneness and equality, the possibility of rabies was there, but once the fear was gone and the PHYSICAL communication was established, rabies was no more.

Trust is a Physical action, not emotional mind bullshit. so much is possible on this planet for all life - we must start to change what we have created and accepted and allowed in the name of separation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within considering a practical point of that the bat might have rabies within maybe biting me so go into thoughts of me getting abies dn what it might be like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought that is built from the knowledge and information I have gathered from others that the bat can carry rabies where I see myself getting bitten by the bat and having rabies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to REACT towards the thought of me having raboes and to within that go into FEAR of the bat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within going into fear of the bat react towards the bat and to within the create separation within me towards the bat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the thought in itself is already separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself form the bat within fear and self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting rabies from a bat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the knowledge and information that I got from others to use it as a justification for why I am going into fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the knowledge and information I got from others as a reason for separation, instead of seeing and realizing it is to use the knowledge and information as practicality and common sense to apply it within what’s best for all and to only keep what is good and that makes sense and to not use it for self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the harm I am doing within acting and behaving within fear towards animals/humans as all my actions will be of separation and thus cause friction and so create energy that leads to harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the only reason the bat will bite me is if I have any other movement within me other then my physical movement, as the movement within me that comes from thoughts that moves to energy, that is always unpredictable which then makes me a danger and thus to be feared, and so open myself for attack/harm because I am not one being but many entities, the bat knows this, if I touch the bat and my heart beat which the bat picks up instantly even by breathe isn’t consistent then the bat knows there is something else. That cannot be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I did not trust myself to touch the bat that there was other options to helping, and that fear was still not needed and that I could help either way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider letting the bat rather die then me just because I have a fear.

Once I started knowing the bat after a while, I was stunned with how the bat was exactly like a dog, only with wings, so CUTE and liking itself and cleaning and moving and doing the things, so fluffy and warm and all in my hand and on my fingers, with no intention of biting at all. The bat knew he was save now and could work, do his thing, I had to be slow and very careful in my movements, I had to move ME as my body, and this way the bat allowed it and did not go into fear/anxiety which is survival which is then going to biting mode.

As a kid I played with bats ALL the time, placing them on my shirts and underneath my shirts and let them hang from my skin and all kinds of stuff, I stopped doing it because people told me they were dirty and full of disease and disgusting – I started building fear around the point and that was it. No more communication.

I felt like a child again tonight being here with the bat, I also felt sad for what I have done/accepted and allowed all these years to be real to be the absolute truth and to be feared and to live such fear.
To be continued.

Fear Part 7 Day 291 No Morality

Continuing from:

Fear Part 1 Day 285
Fear Part 2 Day 286
Fear Part 3 Day 287
Fear Part 4 Day 288
Fear Part 5 Day 289
Fear Part 6 Day 290

I fear Not having any morality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of morality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing what needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea that I will become a monster if I let go of morality, seeing and realizing that this is not the point at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect no morality to being a monster without it, seeing and realizing that letting go of morality is to let go of the morals within me as the beliefs I have of myself as what I am capable of doing or not as a point of allowing myself to grow and expand without letting anything holding me back such as fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am my morals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be limited by my own morals of hat is right and what is wrong, instead of simply using common sense within the principal of what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I stop my morals that I will lose myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my morals hold be back from who I see I can be when and as the moments is here as the windows of opportunities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that If I let go of my morals that other peoples wont know who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself t fear that other people wont know who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not know who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within a definition of morals as to who I am, instead of being a being living within a principal of what is bets for all life that is not limited within a set morals as who I am but limited within what is right and what is wrong for all life as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create more fear for myself within living in a set rules of morality in a world that clearly has no morality and to within that compromise myself and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being honest when needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stop pleasing everyone and to start focusing on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief it is wrong to stop pleasing everyone and to focus on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is wrong to be honest with someone and that the right thing is to rather pretend and to lie as if everything is good, even when it means compromising myself and my future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief it is wrong to be direct with people and that it is only right to manipulate and make them feel differently before asking/telling what is needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of that which I am used to as normal, seeing and realizing that that which I am used to as my morals isnt always what is best for myself or anyone else when it is compromising my life and what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my morality as the personality I have created hold me back from doing what is the common sense thing to do within the principal o what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my morals hold me back from being self honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back through believing my morals to guide me instead of me guiding me within self honesty and common sense within what is best for all life.

Fear the Unknown Day 290 Part 6

Continuing from:
Day 285 - Fear Part 1
Day 286 - Fear Part 2
Day 287 - Fear Part 3
Day 288 - Fear Part 4
Day 289 - Fear Part 5

Fear of the next step.
I have to expand on this fear point a bit more, I have always been willing to do anything that needs to be done, yet when I start what I do I tend to fear going to the next step, so its easy starting and learning the basics and the points that is needed, but the next step of applying it for real is where I fear going as it seems scary and as if no matter how much I practiced or trained I am not ready, this is obviously the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I start something new to fear going all the way in theory and in practice within the belief of myself that I am not ready.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I will never be ready and that the fear will always be here as long as I do not walk through the fear and into the unknown to see what is here for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going into the unknown because I belief that I must know what is in the unknown lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create exaggerated ideas/believes of the unknown as a way to scare myself off to not go there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare myself of the unknown as a way to not to have to change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear within myself through participating within the mind as thought projections of what I fear might happen or how it may go, seeing and realizing that it is all made up and not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that moment of pushing through the fear and to change to follow through on the new path.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself little and less then the moment of change when and as it presents itself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the fear in the moment of change instead of validating myself as being capable and to handle the moment as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself and to instead trust the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
Fear of

Fear Part 5 scared of women - Day 289

Continuing from:
Day 285 - Fear Part 1
Day 286 - Fear Part 2
Day 287 - Fear Part 3
Day 288 - Fear Part 4

I fear looking stupid in the eyes of women/female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking Stupid in the eyes of women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life all about what females think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I am not accepted in the eyes of females that I will be abused by them as the being bitchy and mean towards me and gossip about me making people dislike me and making life harder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear gossip about me happening behind my back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being abused verbally by females as being nasty and mean towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project childhood experiences with females onto all females and to within this life and act in fear towards with females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if females do not like me that I am Less of a man and that something must be wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and how to be as the right way to be around females and that it is and will always be the wrong way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear around females seeing and realizing how this is a danger where I make myself small and little around women that creates a inferior character of myself that in its polarity generates hate and anger towards females that is not best for all and thus I see and realize that I must stop this Mind fuck bullshit and breathe and see here as the physical one and equal and to stop my own self judgments and gossip in my head about myself and to not project it onto women as if it is theirs and to live here one and equal with and as them in breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being confident around women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being disliked by females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the feedback I get from females as either positive or negative and to accordingly live and act to either get more positive energy or to live in a way as to prevent myself from experiencing the negative even if it means compromising myself and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that MY FEAR is the cause and the creating point of what I fear and try to avoid, thus I see and realize I must built self integrity where I stand within myself as who I am and to not place that false responsibility on others such as females where I make it a open point for blame and resentment that leads to back chat and even to consequences if the energy experience isnt stopped and taken responsibility for as myself as being the only one responsible.

I fear that I am not good enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear not being Good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the general feeling experience of myself that I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the general Feeling/emotion I experience of myself as not being good enough is acceptable and normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I will never be good enough slave to the system to make good enough money to live a good enough life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for a good enough life with a good enough paycheck with me not being good enough as the reason for it to be good enough, seeing and realizing how this is my limitation point, my point of never achieving and going big and making lots of money and changing my life situation to a point where I can change ALL life with what I have as a support within the Equal Money system and to bring about a world that isnt Good enough But that I BEST for ALL. Seeing and realizing that I must start with myself to achieve the BEST I can for myself to Bring it to ALL equally with what I achieve through Stopping the self judgment and identification of myself as not being Good enough as this judgment is what I accept and allow within myself to always only settle for just good enough.

Fear of fear Part 4 Day 288

Continuation of
Day 285 Fear Part 1
Day 286 Fear Part 2
Day 287 Fear Part 3

I fear that I will never become fearless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that I will never be Fearless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being less then Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that I will have to live with fear forever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a negative experience for myself every time I experience Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear standing one and equal as my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself as the fears I have created as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear standing up and facing my fear, like walking through a desert storm as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear not stopping my fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear fear itself and that it exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear the idea that fear exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I create and I accept and allow the fear within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am the creator of my fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear creating fear and tow within this create fear, seeing and realizing that Breathing and not participating within thoughts/feelings/emotions as reactions and back chat is the prevention of me not creating fear and to instead direct my life and my world practically within what is best for all as myself.

I fear not ever getting specific.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that I will never be able to get specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that People simply GET specific, not seeing and realizing the actual work and effort put into getting/being specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I create the fear of not ever being/getting specific in what I do or say or work on is because when I do those things I do not give to myself the time to be specific and just rush everything.

I fear being specific.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the responsibility that comes with being able to be specific and that I have to live up to it as a point that can stand the test of time to be an example for others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being an example to myself first because that will proof all my fear to be wrong and not valid and that everything I have ever done was deliberate self compromise and creating limitations for myself as reasons and excuses and justifications to protect self interest.

Fear Part 3 - Failure - Day 287

Continueing from
Day 285 Fear Part 1
Day 286 Fear Part 2

I fear failing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I am a failure that I will be useless forever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the failure point exist within me from a system that is designed on winners and losers and that the winners have money and the losers don't and the winners can have food and the losers don't, seeing and realizing that I fear being a failure and not making it within the system as having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing as not having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing a job and not having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing when I haven't even given myself a change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief in a system of chance as Luck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on luck and if I will fail or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself a choice of maybe or maybe not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live by chance instead of using the chance and making it happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the system I live in currently is a system of chance and that when I have the chance to do something that I must take the chance and not fear it but use it to the fullest to change the system to remove luck and chance and failures and achievers as haves and have not's where all live is equally supported within all needs taken care of within an equal money system that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the chance I have within the fear of failing, instead seeing and realizing that I have the chance and thus failing is a choice that I make if I fear it, and thus I must stop the fear and use the chance without fear but to express myself as it and to change the chance to a chance for everyone at life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing myself at the chance I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear repeating the past where I had chances and Luck and just chucked it away for my own self created limitations as the beliefs and ideas I had about myself as being a loser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing within the belief that I am stupid and cant make the best of any chance I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the believes I have of myself is limitations I have set for myself in my mind and to not learn and get thing that are new, instead I let go of this belief and I give t myself a new slate to begin with to able myself to learn and to change.
To be continued.

Day 286 Fear Part 2

Continuing from Day 285 Fear Part 1

Fear of not being confident enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being confident within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear showing confidence in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I show confidence in myself that I will be looked down upon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look down on others that show confidence to make myself feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that I can never have actual confidence within myself and that it will always just be a pretending game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a false confidence as a likeness of myself as a image in my head of myself, instead of seeing and realizing that the real confidence of myself lies within me as Who I am within and as the physical as my movement and words and knowing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i will never be able to actually change as who I am and have always been, seeing and realizing that this is the consequences of holding on to memories of the past and judging and defining myself according to those memories, instead of letting go and breathing and being here in the present where I am a present to myself in each moment as breathe as who I am in self confidence, defining myself as breathe as life one and equal to what is here within self honesty always living and doing what is best for all life.

Fear of not being able to remember people’s names.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear forgetting people’s names and that they will find it offensive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel offended when and as someone forgets my name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid and not important when and as someone does not remember my name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a emotional connection towards the idea of someone remembering my name as being important and worth remembering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being regarded as just another person with a name and that my name can be forgotten as the rest, seeing and realizing that I thus fear forgetting other people’s names as I actually only fear them forgetting mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I forget someone’s name that it will be seen as a insult toward them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insulted when someone forgets my name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the moment I fear NOT remembering someone name that the fear interrupts me as awareness as remembering and thus the fear takes over and the name leaves my head and I forget, seeing and realizing that the fear itself is what makes me not remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on memories instead of self trusting here as all that is here always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that memory is more reliable then awareness in the present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt my Instant ability ti integrate and learn in the moment breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself instantly to “remember” to here and be here and get it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is impossible to learn instantly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I con only be my past as my memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that instant understanding is a process of training, seeing and realizing how that it actually giving power to the mind and to control what I am capable of or not, seeing and realizing that the physical in full self trust learns instantly in the moment and that there is no fear, as fear if always in self interest and when I learn in fear I learn in the fear of LOSS and thus as memory where it will get lost in between all memories, instead of realizing that everything is always HERE as me as the physical and thus I can simply access everything here breathing Trusting and moving and living.

Fear of not meeting people’s needs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not meeting other people’s needs that they ask of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if someone asks something of me and that whatever I do will not meet their needs from me and thus be disappointed and find me useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself a need pleaser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within what I can actually do through narrowing myself to only please the needs instead of expressing myself as who I am within what is asked and required.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself out through only wanting to please the needs of others as a point of rushing to please the need, instead of taking time to make the need a deed worth its time within and as a expression of myself as who I am instead of doing it towards/for someone else to do it as myself for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within only wanting to please others needs as a point of fear, moving myself within fear and anxiety and stress and to overwhelm myself with tasks and things, instead of looking at what is here practically to work within each breathe and to do what I can in each moment to the best of what is here in each moment to achieve a expression of myself that isn’t limited within pleasing but within getting it done effectively and bets as possible.

Fear Part 1 Day 285

This is General Fear points I have during my Day at work, at home when I am with myself, I start with the first one that came up.

Fear of being seen as stupid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear to be seen as stupid.
Fear of Forgetting and then having to ask again and again to get it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as stupid when and as I forget things and have to ask again and again till I remember or get it.

Fear of not hearing the first time and having to ask again and again and then getting on the peoples nerves.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be seen as stupid when and as I do Not hear what the people say the first time and have to ask them again and again, like I am making them having to talk more.

Fear of getting on someone’s bad side.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR getting on someone’s bad side through seeming to be stupid.
Fear of irritating People with questions or not hearing and requesting of them to be more specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear Irritating people when and as I ask them to be more clear and specific on what they have already told me, as if my stupidity is to blame for it.

Fear of not having answers when someone ask me something and then seen as useless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having answers for people and to be seen as useless to them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel useless when and as I do not have answers for people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must automatically have answers for everything with the knowledge already.

Fear of being seen as useless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as useless withn what I do physically.

Fear of not being of any use.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as not being of any use.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being Shit and useless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself as the mind that I am shit with all the shit self judgments I have towards myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back through judging myself as being shit and useless and stupid and not worthy and as not capable and to actually live that as myself as if it is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am the one and only one holding myself back.

Fear of being seen as not doing anything and thus a waste of time and money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am wasting someone’s time and thus their money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this fear over work myself instead of breathing and moving within effectiveness and what needs to be done and not to create extra things to do to seem busy and not as if I am wasting time and money,

Fear of being a waste of time
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a waist of time as not learning something, not getting something within the belief that I am stupid and that I am thus not able to use time as the rest.

Fear of upsetting someone when I am not equally busy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that If I am not busy or seem to be busy that I will upset someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I am not busy with something even if I make it up that I will upset someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear upsetting someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume my day and my learning process with the fear of upsetting someone.

Fear of taking other peoples time to learn new things.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will take away other peoples time to ask for help or tips to learn something new.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear using my own time teaching showing someone else something new.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I fear using others time as I am unwilling to give my own time due to the back chat I have about time that I now limit myself on as to be able to do.

Fear of trusting myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is necessary for me to fear my own trust in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it isnt appropriate to trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I need approval and acceptance from others to trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I need to be smart before I can trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I trust myself that others will be jealous of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of others that trust themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that trusting myself will mean I have to live up to it as a character that takes effort and energy, seeing and realizing that self trust is me breathing and moving myself within self honesty.
To be Continued.

Day 154 – Walking with straight shoulders.

I have been working on walking straight for over 4 years now, as I have a kind of a hunch back anc avery weird forward neck.

It isnt supportive at all for my body and only causes pain and discomfort, yet WHY am I just not getting it, why do I keep lowering myself to LIFE and me being here, why do I belief within myself that I do not deserve to keep my head high and walk with self respect and honor.

Because I have noticed within my “attempts” to walk straight. I can do what I want but as long as Who I am and what I accept and allow within me does not change I will not walk Proper.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am with other people to think “ I am not allowed to Fill the room with my presence” as it will only be ego and that I will get judged for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect walking straight and with my body in proportion as being EGO as I have in the past only abused my body for the purpose of ego in walking straight and thus now as I am walking my process of self honesty and change where I have realized the points of EGO. I have connected EGO as bad and thus also the posture of my body as it always being EGO.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge walking straight and respecting my body and honoring my body as EGO, seeing and realizing that the moment I judge my body and the way I walk in posture as Ego I make it Ego, instead of breathing and stopping all EGO as thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Feel like I am attempting to be more than others within walking straight and supporting my body and to within this lower my shoulders and making myself less than, instead of equal as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I walk through the Farm while having my shoulders pulled back to think “ I must look stupid attempting to change my body posture” and to within this become self conscious about what I am doing and to then have thoughts of certain people “ where I walk by them or where I am in their presence and they say stuff to me like – why are you walking so weird, or wow you have a big ego because of the way you walk, so high and mighty of yourself” and to then give up and give in and lower my shoulders slowly but surely and compromise my process of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I Physically adjust my body to a form of “perfect: structure in proportion of the physical object as my body to achieve perfection with and as my body – to judge myself and to think “ what if my body seems better than everyone else’s and they will feel inferior or less than because they cannot achieve perfection with their bodies” and to the within that have the thoughts of “ me being next to someone else and they act in their behavior towards me as inferior than me because of my dedication and success of change with my body while they are not achieving it” and to then simply give up on the effort to support my body, not seeing and realizing that the thinking and the thoughts id the EGO suppressing the body from actually change, so that I can be stuck within the mind within the same patterns over and over with the same thoughts/feelings/emotions coming up trapping myself within it all everyday doing the same procedure and so continue for years and years never actually taking the point on and changing it for myself and stop the pattern and all the mind fucks that go with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am trying to be more than others when I change my posture of my body to that which is supportive and equal and one with the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine what I am willing to do for myself through looking at others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately lower my shoulders and my head when I am in other peoples presence out of the fear of my own thoughts/judgments I have of myself and that others might say it out loud and then I am confronted with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my body has manifested the way it is now where my back is extremely bent and my shoulders are way to forward and my heck looks like a chicken neck and that it is all a manifestation of the mind Controlling the body through impulses such as thoughts/feelings/emotions and me validating them as true and acting on them, and thus resulting in no self respect and no self honor as the physical and thus always letting the mind win where I lower the physical body as if I am bowing down to the mind, saying yes MIND you are god and I obey and thus fucking up my body and my self-support.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself lowering myself when I am faced with other beings to stop and breathe and keep myself high/straight and support myself in those moments to STAND and not obey to the mind control over the body and to breathe and to give myself back to myself with real Will power, no matter what the mind throws at me as thoughts/feelings/emotions and BREATH.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself lowering myself to stop and realize that I am in the mind and not here as the physical as the body where I decide how the body must be and not the mind. As only giving power to the mind will result in my body physically mutating and deforming.

Day 137 – Living Commitments – Day 9 of 21. – raised to Trust the Mind

Day 137 – Living Commitments – Day 9 of 21. – raised to Trust the Mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure when and as I find myself not breathing but instead thinking and participating within the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to instead of judging myself as a failure to instead immediately as the correction breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of realizing the mistake and to correct myself immediately effectively to judge myself and to within the judgment go into the back chat of - it is now to late I have already fallen” and to within this give the mind permission to continue and fucking with my day, realizing that I am the creator of this and thus in a single breathe I can stop and stop fucking with myself and Forgive myself and move on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into feeling hopelessness when I find myself within the mind thinking and talking to myself, within the belief that I will never be able to stop the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the experience of feeling hopelessness power and validation through not breathing and to participate within it, realizing that this is how I am creating it and manifesting it and that it takes a single breath at a time and stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am a victim to all experiences I have of the mind that has physical impact on the body, realizing that I can stop through breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself subject to any or all experiences I have of and as the mind that has physical manifestations in my body as my body such as moods, feeling drained of energy, tiredness, headaches and more. And to belief that as I am experiencing the physical effects of the mind on the body I am to late and breath cannot save me, realizing that it is exactly what will help, simply breathing and being here and stopping the mind feeding the systems that had physical outflows on the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the simplicity of the solutions to stopping the mind as breathe – realizing that I have not yet realized breathe as myself and that I also have not yet fully grasp/understand the mind and what and how the mind functions and the consequential outflows of the mind on the body, thus I allow and accept the mind to run wild and free as a form of Trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRUST the mind and whatever the mind throws at me and whatever the body is experiencing as the mind,.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have in space and time placed all my trust in the mind and not the breathe as life, thus I will as a “natural” thing turn to the mind in trust, instead of breathe as that which in fact gives me life as the breathe, not seeing and realizing that the trust I place in my MIND that I have developed through many Blind years as to not having any understanding of what and how the mind functions, thus the trust is blind, even if the mind led me off cliffs and into fires, as it was all I knew.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Trust something simply because It is all I know as having the knowledge and information as it, but not in fact how it works and what it is in fact, thus the knowing isn’t really knowing but only a matter of being used to it, even if I have to follow it to the end of the world because it is all I built my trust on, a trust that is based in fear and self interest as the cause and the effect of the current world we life in as the living hell for all in the debts of money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have placed all my trust in the mind yet I do not even understand the mind or how it works and manifests in this reality and yet I belief it and everything it throws at me, seeing and realizing that I must re-evaluate my trust within myself as Breathe where I decide and direct and not some thoughts or form of back chatting and having conversations with myself or even where feelings or emotions make decisions for me, this is not acceptable as it is in fact not trust worthy at all as I am not the one directing and moving myself but being directed and moved by the mind.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself predicating in the mind as thoughts or even where I have followed them a bit to not judge myself or to create any energetic experience about it, but to instead forgive myself and to give to myself a in breathe and an out breath and a re-birth in the moment and to continue walking as that which is best for all life.

I commit myself to when and as I see/find myself within the mind to instead of thinking about it and what I just did, to Breathe.

Day 39 - Self trust

I am busy with doing this reading program (AKA Technotutor) and as I started doing the reading program I was struggling with reading the paragraphs because I had a fear, the fear was that I would not remember what I red and so fail all the questions that follows afterwards.

One day I got so tired of the fear when reading and the hesitations and self doubts I decided to just fucking read it. I started reading it and afterwards I got one hundred percent for all the questions that followed.

How did this happen, I stopped the fear and I trusted myself to not remember the information but to understand and take it in with only reading it once, like I trusted myself to let go of the mind and be here.

After this event I did pretty well in all the other ones I did, I stopped trying and I started doing, I realized self trust isn't something you must wait for it is something that must be done in the moment in each breathe, you can not prepare for self trust, you have to self trust.

Self trust wasn't a feeling or an emotion or a thought, it was physical, no energetic experiences, all the times I trusted myself with a feeling or emotion or a thought, I fucked myself.

Self trust is a doing regardless of the mistakes or no mistakes, it is to give oneself the opportunity to do it and to correct and move forward and bring about change.

As another example, I once dug open the sewerage tanks and the people came to empty it out, I then afterwards had to close the tanks up, the lid that went on was extremely difficult to put on, it had no handles and it was a "perfect fit, if you do not put the lid one hundred percent square on it falls in, I was standing over the opening with the lid in my hands, I was anxious and I feared letting go as I knew the possibility of it falling in was great, I finally let go and it dropped in the shit tank, I had to climb in and get it (disgusting).

After I got it out and was at the same position again I realized the anxiety that I was accepting and allowing through thinking about it was causing the lid to fall in and as long as the anxiety was there, there was no space for self trust as all.

Then someone else came along and saw what I was doing, the person said, don't fear it, do it. I realized in that moment I wasn't doing it I was fearing it instead.

I stopped the fear within this realization and I dropped the lid, the lid was on, it was over, and much simpler, we had to do this a few more times afterwards, I simply did it! And it always went on perfectly.

This was clear to me that I did not have time to practice or do it over and over again to develop self trust, it was in the moment as a completeness of doing. No fear - I was actually only scaring myself instead of trusting myself, not as a feeling or an emotion or a thought, as a physical doing that was pure.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust fear instead of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust emotions instead of trusting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can trust emotions, realizing that emotions can not be trusted as they can not be tested in space and time for eternity as this proofs it is untrustworthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust feelings instead of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can trust feeling yet I do not even understand how they are created and where they originate from and thus I realize that unless I understand feeling I can not trust anything that can not be tested in space and time in the physical that can stand for eternity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can trust thoughts in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust thoughts that pop up in my mind instead of trusting me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust me first and to give my self trust a change first before I give into thoughts/feeling/emotions of which I do not even know their origin and where they come from, yet I trust them as being real and reliable, when reality have clearly shown me that trusting thoughts/feelings/emotions always end up hurting me or others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can trust my mind when I do not even understand the mind and how it functions, yet I give it all my trust instead of trusting myself within and as the physical as that which I can test for myself in real time.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to simply trust myself in each moment and to instead trust the thoughts/feelings/emotions/fears/doubts/ hesitations/insecurities

I forgive myself that I have never given myself the chance of trusting myself unconditionally and to instead rather trust everything else that only brings me down and holds me back such as thoughts/feelings/emotions/fears/doubts/ hesitations/insecurities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that trust is based on knowledge and information, realizing that this is only the mind again attempting to control self to trust self in fact, as knowledge and information will only create fear and doubt and stop self from trusting self in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to think a lot about something before I trust myself, realizing that If I stand as LIFE and what is best for all life as who I am than everything I do in self trust without any knowledge and information will always be self honest within the best interest of all life in all ways, realizing I can only fear trusting myself if I know what I am doing isn't best for all life in all ways but based on self interest and as the ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself to do what is best for all life in all ways as WHO I AM in each breathe, realizing as I am Life all that I do will be for Life in all ways, and thus no ego, no self interest as self dishonesty can manifest as consequences but only what is best for all life.

I commit myself to stop all or any trust I have placed in the web of the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions and to instead trust myself in and as the physical with in applying myself in space and time as that which can stand the test of time within what is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to stop all or any trust that I have placed with in knowledge and information before I have actually lived it and tested it for myself to be trust worthy, to not trust the knowledge and information but to trust myself in the physical application with in what is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to stop any and all trust that I have placed within energetic experiences that I do not even understand how they were created and where it comes from, to instead trust myself in and as the physical as that which is real and can be seen, where I can apply myself as self trust in each breathe as that which is best for all life.

Gian's Journey to Life.

Fear the Boss Part9.2 – Day 294

Fear Part 9 The Boss – Day 293

Fear of Bats and rabies Day 292 Part 8

Fear Part 7 Day 291 No Morality

Fear the Unknown Day 290 Part 6

Fear Part 5 scared of women - Day 289

Fear of fear Part 4 Day 288

Fear Part 3 - Failure - Day 287

Day 286 Fear Part 2

Fear Part 1 Day 285

Day 154 – Walking with straight shoulders.

Day 137 – Living Commitments – Day 9 of 21. – raised to Trust the Mind

Day 39 - Self trust

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