Fear the Unknown Day 290 Part 6

Continuing from:
Day 285 - Fear Part 1
Day 286 - Fear Part 2
Day 287 - Fear Part 3
Day 288 - Fear Part 4
Day 289 - Fear Part 5

Fear of the next step.
I have to expand on this fear point a bit more, I have always been willing to do anything that needs to be done, yet when I start what I do I tend to fear going to the next step, so its easy starting and learning the basics and the points that is needed, but the next step of applying it for real is where I fear going as it seems scary and as if no matter how much I practiced or trained I am not ready, this is obviously the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I start something new to fear going all the way in theory and in practice within the belief of myself that I am not ready.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I will never be ready and that the fear will always be here as long as I do not walk through the fear and into the unknown to see what is here for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going into the unknown because I belief that I must know what is in the unknown lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create exaggerated ideas/believes of the unknown as a way to scare myself off to not go there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare myself of the unknown as a way to not to have to change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear within myself through participating within the mind as thought projections of what I fear might happen or how it may go, seeing and realizing that it is all made up and not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that moment of pushing through the fear and to change to follow through on the new path.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself little and less then the moment of change when and as it presents itself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the fear in the moment of change instead of validating myself as being capable and to handle the moment as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself and to instead trust the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
Fear of

Fear Part 5 scared of women - Day 289

Continuing from:
Day 285 - Fear Part 1
Day 286 - Fear Part 2
Day 287 - Fear Part 3
Day 288 - Fear Part 4

I fear looking stupid in the eyes of women/female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking Stupid in the eyes of women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life all about what females think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I am not accepted in the eyes of females that I will be abused by them as the being bitchy and mean towards me and gossip about me making people dislike me and making life harder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear gossip about me happening behind my back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being abused verbally by females as being nasty and mean towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project childhood experiences with females onto all females and to within this life and act in fear towards with females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if females do not like me that I am Less of a man and that something must be wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and how to be as the right way to be around females and that it is and will always be the wrong way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear around females seeing and realizing how this is a danger where I make myself small and little around women that creates a inferior character of myself that in its polarity generates hate and anger towards females that is not best for all and thus I see and realize that I must stop this Mind fuck bullshit and breathe and see here as the physical one and equal and to stop my own self judgments and gossip in my head about myself and to not project it onto women as if it is theirs and to live here one and equal with and as them in breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being confident around women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being disliked by females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the feedback I get from females as either positive or negative and to accordingly live and act to either get more positive energy or to live in a way as to prevent myself from experiencing the negative even if it means compromising myself and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that MY FEAR is the cause and the creating point of what I fear and try to avoid, thus I see and realize I must built self integrity where I stand within myself as who I am and to not place that false responsibility on others such as females where I make it a open point for blame and resentment that leads to back chat and even to consequences if the energy experience isnt stopped and taken responsibility for as myself as being the only one responsible.

I fear that I am not good enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear not being Good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the general feeling experience of myself that I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the general Feeling/emotion I experience of myself as not being good enough is acceptable and normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I will never be good enough slave to the system to make good enough money to live a good enough life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for a good enough life with a good enough paycheck with me not being good enough as the reason for it to be good enough, seeing and realizing how this is my limitation point, my point of never achieving and going big and making lots of money and changing my life situation to a point where I can change ALL life with what I have as a support within the Equal Money system and to bring about a world that isnt Good enough But that I BEST for ALL. Seeing and realizing that I must start with myself to achieve the BEST I can for myself to Bring it to ALL equally with what I achieve through Stopping the self judgment and identification of myself as not being Good enough as this judgment is what I accept and allow within myself to always only settle for just good enough.

Fear of fear Part 4 Day 288

Continuation of
Day 285 Fear Part 1
Day 286 Fear Part 2
Day 287 Fear Part 3

I fear that I will never become fearless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that I will never be Fearless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being less then Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that I will have to live with fear forever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a negative experience for myself every time I experience Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear standing one and equal as my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself as the fears I have created as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear standing up and facing my fear, like walking through a desert storm as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear not stopping my fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear fear itself and that it exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear the idea that fear exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I create and I accept and allow the fear within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am the creator of my fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear creating fear and tow within this create fear, seeing and realizing that Breathing and not participating within thoughts/feelings/emotions as reactions and back chat is the prevention of me not creating fear and to instead direct my life and my world practically within what is best for all as myself.

I fear not ever getting specific.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that I will never be able to get specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that People simply GET specific, not seeing and realizing the actual work and effort put into getting/being specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I create the fear of not ever being/getting specific in what I do or say or work on is because when I do those things I do not give to myself the time to be specific and just rush everything.

I fear being specific.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the responsibility that comes with being able to be specific and that I have to live up to it as a point that can stand the test of time to be an example for others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being an example to myself first because that will proof all my fear to be wrong and not valid and that everything I have ever done was deliberate self compromise and creating limitations for myself as reasons and excuses and justifications to protect self interest.

Fear Part 3 - Failure - Day 287

Continueing from
Day 285 Fear Part 1
Day 286 Fear Part 2

I fear failing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I am a failure that I will be useless forever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the failure point exist within me from a system that is designed on winners and losers and that the winners have money and the losers don't and the winners can have food and the losers don't, seeing and realizing that I fear being a failure and not making it within the system as having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing as not having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing a job and not having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing when I haven't even given myself a change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief in a system of chance as Luck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on luck and if I will fail or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself a choice of maybe or maybe not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live by chance instead of using the chance and making it happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the system I live in currently is a system of chance and that when I have the chance to do something that I must take the chance and not fear it but use it to the fullest to change the system to remove luck and chance and failures and achievers as haves and have not's where all live is equally supported within all needs taken care of within an equal money system that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the chance I have within the fear of failing, instead seeing and realizing that I have the chance and thus failing is a choice that I make if I fear it, and thus I must stop the fear and use the chance without fear but to express myself as it and to change the chance to a chance for everyone at life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing myself at the chance I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear repeating the past where I had chances and Luck and just chucked it away for my own self created limitations as the beliefs and ideas I had about myself as being a loser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing within the belief that I am stupid and cant make the best of any chance I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the believes I have of myself is limitations I have set for myself in my mind and to not learn and get thing that are new, instead I let go of this belief and I give t myself a new slate to begin with to able myself to learn and to change.
To be continued.

Day 286 Fear Part 2

Continuing from Day 285 Fear Part 1

Fear of not being confident enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being confident within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear showing confidence in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I show confidence in myself that I will be looked down upon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look down on others that show confidence to make myself feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that I can never have actual confidence within myself and that it will always just be a pretending game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a false confidence as a likeness of myself as a image in my head of myself, instead of seeing and realizing that the real confidence of myself lies within me as Who I am within and as the physical as my movement and words and knowing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i will never be able to actually change as who I am and have always been, seeing and realizing that this is the consequences of holding on to memories of the past and judging and defining myself according to those memories, instead of letting go and breathing and being here in the present where I am a present to myself in each moment as breathe as who I am in self confidence, defining myself as breathe as life one and equal to what is here within self honesty always living and doing what is best for all life.

Fear of not being able to remember people’s names.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear forgetting people’s names and that they will find it offensive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel offended when and as someone forgets my name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid and not important when and as someone does not remember my name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a emotional connection towards the idea of someone remembering my name as being important and worth remembering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being regarded as just another person with a name and that my name can be forgotten as the rest, seeing and realizing that I thus fear forgetting other people’s names as I actually only fear them forgetting mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I forget someone’s name that it will be seen as a insult toward them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insulted when someone forgets my name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the moment I fear NOT remembering someone name that the fear interrupts me as awareness as remembering and thus the fear takes over and the name leaves my head and I forget, seeing and realizing that the fear itself is what makes me not remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on memories instead of self trusting here as all that is here always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that memory is more reliable then awareness in the present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt my Instant ability ti integrate and learn in the moment breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself instantly to “remember” to here and be here and get it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is impossible to learn instantly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I con only be my past as my memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that instant understanding is a process of training, seeing and realizing how that it actually giving power to the mind and to control what I am capable of or not, seeing and realizing that the physical in full self trust learns instantly in the moment and that there is no fear, as fear if always in self interest and when I learn in fear I learn in the fear of LOSS and thus as memory where it will get lost in between all memories, instead of realizing that everything is always HERE as me as the physical and thus I can simply access everything here breathing Trusting and moving and living.

Fear of not meeting people’s needs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not meeting other people’s needs that they ask of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if someone asks something of me and that whatever I do will not meet their needs from me and thus be disappointed and find me useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself a need pleaser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within what I can actually do through narrowing myself to only please the needs instead of expressing myself as who I am within what is asked and required.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself out through only wanting to please the needs of others as a point of rushing to please the need, instead of taking time to make the need a deed worth its time within and as a expression of myself as who I am instead of doing it towards/for someone else to do it as myself for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within only wanting to please others needs as a point of fear, moving myself within fear and anxiety and stress and to overwhelm myself with tasks and things, instead of looking at what is here practically to work within each breathe and to do what I can in each moment to the best of what is here in each moment to achieve a expression of myself that isn’t limited within pleasing but within getting it done effectively and bets as possible.

Fear Part 1 Day 285

This is General Fear points I have during my Day at work, at home when I am with myself, I start with the first one that came up.

Fear of being seen as stupid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear to be seen as stupid.
Fear of Forgetting and then having to ask again and again to get it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as stupid when and as I forget things and have to ask again and again till I remember or get it.

Fear of not hearing the first time and having to ask again and again and then getting on the peoples nerves.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be seen as stupid when and as I do Not hear what the people say the first time and have to ask them again and again, like I am making them having to talk more.

Fear of getting on someone’s bad side.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR getting on someone’s bad side through seeming to be stupid.
Fear of irritating People with questions or not hearing and requesting of them to be more specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear Irritating people when and as I ask them to be more clear and specific on what they have already told me, as if my stupidity is to blame for it.

Fear of not having answers when someone ask me something and then seen as useless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having answers for people and to be seen as useless to them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel useless when and as I do not have answers for people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must automatically have answers for everything with the knowledge already.

Fear of being seen as useless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as useless withn what I do physically.

Fear of not being of any use.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as not being of any use.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being Shit and useless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself as the mind that I am shit with all the shit self judgments I have towards myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back through judging myself as being shit and useless and stupid and not worthy and as not capable and to actually live that as myself as if it is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am the one and only one holding myself back.

Fear of being seen as not doing anything and thus a waste of time and money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am wasting someone’s time and thus their money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this fear over work myself instead of breathing and moving within effectiveness and what needs to be done and not to create extra things to do to seem busy and not as if I am wasting time and money,

Fear of being a waste of time
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a waist of time as not learning something, not getting something within the belief that I am stupid and that I am thus not able to use time as the rest.

Fear of upsetting someone when I am not equally busy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that If I am not busy or seem to be busy that I will upset someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I am not busy with something even if I make it up that I will upset someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear upsetting someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume my day and my learning process with the fear of upsetting someone.

Fear of taking other peoples time to learn new things.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will take away other peoples time to ask for help or tips to learn something new.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear using my own time teaching showing someone else something new.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I fear using others time as I am unwilling to give my own time due to the back chat I have about time that I now limit myself on as to be able to do.

Fear of trusting myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is necessary for me to fear my own trust in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it isnt appropriate to trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I need approval and acceptance from others to trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I need to be smart before I can trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I trust myself that others will be jealous of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of others that trust themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that trusting myself will mean I have to live up to it as a character that takes effort and energy, seeing and realizing that self trust is me breathing and moving myself within self honesty.
To be Continued.

Reacting to "I must be Stupid - Day 284

Reacting - Revenge of the Ego Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone calls my name within the expectation of fear that I will be judged as lazy/pathetic/stupid or full of excuses, and to within this Get my Defense system up and ready as "backchat" that will come up.

So what have I noticed within that Self forgiveness statement, I see that I already have Judgments within me of being stupid/lazy/pathetic or a lot of excuses ABOUT things I am being lazy about or being full of excuses about or being pathetic and where I still accept and allow stupidity within me as not correcting myself and this is MY self-dishonesty and it is always in relation to CURRENT events/situations and things going on, so when and as someone else calls me or talks to me I already have these points within me that I am trying to hide where I am being dishonest towards myself, and so I react when someone may just push those points, even if they are not aware of them at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am always the one judging me in my head as being stupid, seeing and realizing that I judge myself as stupid because I am well aware of my weaknesses such as reading/writing and remembering things and that I am not doing anything to correct me within the point, thus when someone else acts/behaves/speak towards me that make it seem like they are judging me as stupid I feel threatened and thus go into reaction as to protect my weakness and not have to face myself as my own self dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as i feel threatened to be exposed as what I am accepting and allowing of myself as being stupid and that I am not correcting myself to React as a fight or flight mechanism to defend my weakness. Instead of seeing and realizing that I have to change who I am within the point of feeling stupid through actually physically improving my skills and abilities within reading/writing/understanding and comprehending things through doing those things daily till I am effective and confident within myself to do it as who I am as a expression of myself and not to do it from the starting point of fear - as fearing to be seen as stupid because then I will never be good enough as the fear will always make everything I do seem small and like nothing as the mind will fuck with me if I give it power over me as energy and thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I will never be able to read something and remember it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not remember what I have red

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone is showing me how to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Intemperate someone showing me how to do something as them thinking I am Stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid when and as someone is showing me how to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Get angry at other people when and as they show me something because I judge myself as being stupid for not knowing already.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself as being Stupid and inferior to others for not knowing something already.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that I must react and defend myself when and as someone is showing me how to do something where I make myself feel stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid when and as someone shows me how to do something even after I have been doing the particular thing for years myself, and to then get angry at the other person because I take it as them making me small and as if I am stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself feel small and stupid and like I am useless when someone is showing me something that I must do within the belief that because of how long I have been doing it I do n to need help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and to get possessed by ENERGY when and as someone is showing me something as a way to defend myself and to NOT to have to feel small, seeing and realizing that me feeling small as being stupid is only me experiencing it and thus it isn’t what is happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as someone is making me feel small or attempting to, that REACTING isn’t a justification to react and that I must breathe at all times and take myself through the reaction to the physical reality HERE and to apply and learn and grow.

Reacting - Revenge of the Ego - Day 283

How do I react, when I react I become possessed with energy, I lose all focus, my eyes literally starts to shake, I lose my words, I can’t think at all, I shake and my heart beats fast, I sometime (depends on the situation) become weak in my body, like there is no power in my body, I lose myself and I am taken over by energy.

This is me going into fight or flight mode, when and as I react, I feel/believe that what is happening is personal and attacking me and unfair, thus the fight or flight mode kicks in, I tend to go into fighting with words, but my words are lost, I am simply speaking my back chat, I am spreading energy and not making any common sense.

When and as I feel that I am loosing within the argument or the situation and I am reacting I make my voice louder, I start to scream even and I shake more and more, I fear what I might do, this fear then shuts my body down from being able to do anything, I am numb, I fear losing the “battle”, I must try and do something, the weakness in my body makes me feel even worse, sometimes I will even go into physical tendencies such as hitting a door or a pole to release/direct the energy within me to getout, to get rid of the possession but it only strengthens it. It is only making me angry; I am angry at myself for how I am handling the situation, this could have been avoided if only I did not take it personal and if I was breathing.

I feel it is to late, I now have to either completely give up what’s happening and lose or go all the way within the reaction just to feel I am not losing, I usually give up and I loose, because i can see where this might go, I fear where the reaction might go, I lose physical eye sight sometimes for a moment, I have no real recollection of what is happening or happened during the reaction afterwards, I feel ashamed and diminished, i feel that I have sold myself out.

The back chat after the reaction is clear, the thoughts and thinking running through my head, they show me what was the initial points that I was having back chat about before the reaction, and the thoughts and the justifications and the comparisons etc that builds up the inner conversations, then when and as the moment comes that I am faced with myself and I react, I re enact what I previously did in my mind into physical reality, which never works out and the energy takes over.

This is where I see how I create the reaction, and I see a practical way to “prevent” these situations and to not fall in the trap of energy.

I see that the reaction is taken personal, the reaction is existent because “personal” exist, so I look at what it is personally that I have Identified myself as, as living words that I have within me, that is of fear/separation, because it is those words that I have identified myself as that when I experience them I react. It is usually my Weaknesses.

I have Identified four words – Stupid, Pathetic, Lazy, excuses – these words are the words that I experience and React to, as I have created a fear towards these words that someone might Identify me as those words, only to discover that I have Identified myself as those words, and no matter how much work I do or how intelligent I become or how awesome I become or how I improve on those points, I am those words in my head – showing me that all the effort I do to get away from those words is in the starting point of fear, and when someone does something in my reality that might just make me seem/feel stupid/lazy/pathetic/ or full of excuses I react BIG time as the ego as the fear will try and defend and protect. Even if the other persons intention wasn’t that at all.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when someone asks me to do something that seem unfair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within back chat and thoughts as comparisons of what I do and what I can do to others and to within this react when and as I see others aren’t doing or being willing to do what I do or can do and to then within my mind have secret conversations with myself where I make it all seem justifiable and self righteous .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to unfairness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create unfairness through comparing myself to others and what others do to myself and what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be a fair person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am the only fair person on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as fairness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how I am setting up myself and reality for me to react through defining myself as fairness where everyone else will seem unfair to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in what I do as oppose to what others do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and if they are moving as much sand as I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and if they can do as much digging as I can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself more in my own eyes because I can do more digging than others and to then hold it against others as if I am doing more and thus they are stupid and weak and un able to do real stuff.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do all the hard work from the starting point of now everyone else owns me something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dig and work as much as I can to make everyone else seem useless and weak so that I can always feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work hard within the intention of making everyone else seem like they are doing nothing within my eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do the things I do as physical work or work in front of the PC with the evil intent of seeing if anyone else is also doing it because I am and can do it so they must and therefore if they can’t do it as well they are lazy and weak and pathetic and lying and just plain full of excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as pathetic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as just full of excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone is saying something to me that makes me experience myself as pathetic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone says or do something towards me that make me experiences myself as pathetic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone says or do something towards me that make me experience myself as lazy, or as if I was being lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone says something to me that makes me experience myself as being full of excuses, or as if I haven’t been doing my best already.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge others as being lazy that I am just projecting my own fear of being seen as lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge others as being full of excuses that it is only me projecting my own fear of being seen as being full of excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge others as being pathetic that it is only me projecting my own fear as being seen judged as being pathetic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge others as being lazy that it is only my own fear as being seen as being lazy by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge someone else as being stupid that it is only my own fear of being seen judged as stupid that I project onto them, to make myself feel better.
To Be Continued.

Day 282 – Doubt Part 7 – a doubtful world.

Self Doubt Part 1
Self Doubt Part 2
Self Doubt Part 3
Self Doubt Part 4
Self Doubt Part 5
Self Doubt Part 6

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I grew up in a world of doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the world live in now and that feeds me and gives me shelter is all possible because of money, and that money can always be taken away from me in a single moment, seeing and realizing that I have been aware of this as a child as I observed and seen how those that has gone before me behave living their lives within money, the fights, the arguments and the things I heard which was always fear and stressful and in doubt of the life I was given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow a world where my next meal is always in doubt as it depends on if I have money or not which depends on the system and what’s happening with the entire system at any given moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I grew up knowing that there are children out there that has no food/parents or hoe and that I could easily be them at any time if what I have was taken away from me, which creates fear of my entire life in general which is living in doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have developed self doubt from the reality of what I grew up in, that I was brought into a world and raised in a world where I can either have a good life or be abused either way as the system I had to accept as normal was based on hope.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not se and realize that I am not living in a world where my life is certain and definite and that it all depends on money which is always fragile and in doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to be confident within the current way the world is and that it will provide for me while billions around me on my one and the same planet are dying of hunger/disease/murder/rape/war/famine that is all human created through and by the very same system feeding me with money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I do not have confidence within myself within the current world and the way of life we are all accepting and allowing as normal that there must be something wrong with me, not seeing and realizing that the doubt I have within the current world system is in fact me having confidence within myself that the current way of life is not normal and MUST change and cannot be trusted at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the confidence in me to doubt the current system and to from that perspective question it and my life and what is being accepted as normal to not accept it and to see what is here and to bring it all to a stop and change to life and be and do what is best for all life in all ways.

Day 281 – Self Doubt Part 6.

Self Doubt Part 1
Self Doubt Part 2
Self Doubt Part 3
Self Doubt Part 4
Self Doubt Part 5

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself when and as I say something of common sense and other people disagree.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself when and as those that disagree are Many and I am but one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose confidence within myself when and as there are disagreement within my world from the many.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place confidence within the many as if they somehow always know better and that I know less and not what I speak of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a false sense of confidence in the many as a way to not to have to take self responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not doubt the many/society as a way of questioning the many/society and the confidence I place in society as always having the right way and knowing what they are doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself just because there are many speaking up and against what I say as if that must be enough evidence that I am wrong and must doubt myself, not seeing and realizing that this must give me more confidence as I am saying the right things that forces people to also question reality and what they are accepting and allowing to exist here as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place self value in the doubts I have, instead of seeing and realizing that the doubt I have is red flags for me to look at myself and to correct myself and breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that common sense and what is best for all life requires confidence to speak about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as something is in fact best for all life and within common sense that no confidence or doubt is required to speak it as it is fact and real and that only/,mostly lies and deception requires to be conned as having confidence to speak about and that it requires doubt as the polarity to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that self doubt comes in when and as I am not standing within myself as who I am in fact as the words I speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am speaking and doing something for others that I will always have doubt as it is done from the starting point of self interest and not best for all life which is where I say what is real straight forward and to the point with no need to impress or CONvince others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that only because we have created a world of deception and abuse is something such as confidence required to sell the deception and abuse and thus there will always be doubt in dishonest living till we change this world/ourselves to a place that is best for all lie where no one need to have to develop confidence as no one will have doubt as we will live in a world of certainty and loving thy neighbor as thy self.

Day 280 – Self Doubt Part 5, Doubt as Support

DO U BT

Day 276 –Self Doubt Part 1
Day 277 – Self Doubt part 2
Day 278 – Self Doubt part 3
Day 279 – Self Doubt Part 4

I just now faced a really weird point – I said something, I made a video a long time ago about animals being shot on farms for the sake of reducing “profit loss’ on farms, where I say that the farmers are losing profit but the animals are losing everything from the farmer being there in the name of profit, the animals loses his food, his home, his Life and his everything and literally just survive till death and have to take food from the farmer, where else?? Nothing is left for them, and now they are suddenly called thief's and stealing!! Seriously, animals don’t know there is such a things as stealing, the earth has always before given to them and provided unconditionally till the human came and now call it stealing and then kill the animal for it, because it has a profit/money loss.

And now after all the common sense and looking at the reality of it, I can see it is a pretty awesome point I opened up, and then everyone that comments on the video disagree with me and keeps telling me I am stupid and small and know nothing and can’t see the bigger picture etc etc.

Then there comes this sudden moment of self doubt, doubting that what I have said might be wring and that they might be right, then I take a deep breath and realize WHAT THE FUCK, of course I am making common sense, fucking look at it, it undeniable.

Yes there is that moment of doubt that I must look at WHY, the justification of why I am giving in and not standing in absolute certainty.

I find it interesting that all the peoples comments push that exact point where they ask me for the proof and the evidence and the numbers and the calculations that farming is fucking up wildlife and pushing animals to extinction – so here I am with common sense where I see directly the reality and they can’t see the obvious connections - as if something greater and higher is maybe instead killing the animals and that farming as we are doing now is completely harmless and not having any consequences.

So now I face the doubt, why us the doubt there, I see this doubt is because I am one standing in the face of the many voices saying the same thing. So it is on the believe that if many people say the same thing then it must be the truth and thus I must be wrong, because the many seem to see the same thing and I don’t, I see it differently, so I must doubt myself.

Yet I can see through this, because I understand how the mind fucks with me, Know thy self, I see it is in reverse, it is to stand no matter what with the common sense and the self honesty as Life, Life’s got my back and I have Life’s back, we are the same back, so I may be one human physical body speaking but I have life behind me, they might be a group but they are speaking against that which gives them life and breathe, it is obviously not recommended.

So i am learning to stand and to breathe and to not cave in just because others are saying differently, just because the group disagree does not mean they are right and I am wrong, if and when I see and realize that I stand within certainty within myself within what I stand as, as the physical reality as life as actuality then There is never any reason to doubt myself, my doubt is showing me where I still have to work on myself and to stand, to breathe and not be directed by doubt, but common sense and self honesty and what is best for all life is/must always be what I move myself as.

So I see and realize that before I speak and open up a point for all, that I must write about it to have clarity to create my confidence and to not have any assumptions or hopes within the vlogs/blogs and to be here as all I speak as being absolute in each word, this can only be done through researching and writing and integrating the information as me to live it as me and to share it equally with all to awareness as I made myself aware in oneness and equality where I bring the points to physical reality within common sense as being obvious, so that I can say what needs to be said in simplicity and clarity and not speak in circles and create self doubt.

I create myself in each moment/actions/decision.

Day 279 – Self Doubt Part 4

Day 276 - Self doubt Part 1

Day 277 - Self Doubt Part 2
Day 278 - Self Doubt Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt myself according to the input given to me from others, instead of seeing and realizing that the input from others is support for me to see where I can correct myself instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that self doubt is always about me and not what others say/think/judge about me, thus seeing and realizing that it is that I must know who I am and within that stand and walk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that other people are responsible for me doubting myself/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let others people determine for me who I am and to this doubt myself as I give away myself responsibility of deciding for myself who I am and thus what I can do or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt myself as being capable of directing others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt myself as being capable of learning new vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have confidence within myself as being capable of learning new vocabulary through holding past experiences against myself where I struggled and failed, instead of seeing and realizing that it was a point of reference for me to work on and to learn from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself within learning new words and to effectively integrate them as me and living them as who I am due to past experiences where I failed and judged myself as not being capable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being able to learn new vocabulary with full understanding of the words,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if and when I fail to learn new vocabulary that it means I must doubt myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I fail to learn new vocabulary effectively the first time that it must mean that I cannot have confidence within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that something must be wrong with me if I cannot learn new vocabulary the first time and thus I must not ever show or have confidence within myself that I can or I will just disappoint myself and experience the bad experience again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experiencing self doubt and to within this avoid being confident within myself as to avoid the experience of self doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to not give self confidence to myself as who I am that I am already just giving self doubt to myself instead the whole time, seeing and realizing that it is a polarity game of enslavement and limitation.

Instead I see and realize that I must stop separating myself from “self confidence” and to live self confidence as who I am and not as a energy experience, as all energy is polarity based and needs positive and negative to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out where I can doubt myself so that I can find the things where I can be confident and to then get a energy high from those points, instead of seeing and realizing that I am within this limiting myself and enslaving myself to the mind as energy movement, instead of moving myself as the physical in each breathe to do what needs to be done as self confident, seeing and realizing that self confidence is a living action of who I am to always do what is best for all life in all ways.

To be continued.