You are just a stupid Child Day 4 of 21 (day 589)

An interesting memory came up today, I first had shoulder pain, so I asked my partner to just touch my shoulders, so that I can see what information was within my shoulders as it is being release, so as I stood there and my partner pressed on my shoulders for a minute, I got a pain in my neck on the left side, which showed me a point of expression and the shoulders was burdened and self-judgement, as I was breathing, I saw a memory coming up, as this memory came up and I started talking about it my shoulders started relaxing and the pain in my neck, but the points are still there. So here I go with the memory. 

This memory isn’t very specific, it is many memories blurred into one experience within me, like the impression of my entire childhood, where the impression I got as a child living and expressing myself was that everything or anything I wanted to just do, that was different, that wasn’t “normal” was seen as me just being a child, and the definition of a child in general society, especially in my county, is that a child is stupid, so I got the “feeling” always that I was stupid, in adequate – that I must rather listen to the adults and do as they say, do as they do and then I will be seen as intelligent, as good enough, as smart. YET, I had a conflict within me to why can’t I do what I want to do and express that. 

Now this has become part of me as an adult, where I now always feel when I am doing something different, outside of the “norms” of what other adults are doing, that I am stupid, that I do not know what I am doing, that I am just messing around, that I am not serious, that I am just going through a phase, that I will come to my senses later on, that what I am doing is a joke. 

This created a massive ego problem later on as an adult, where I as an adult become very aggressive, very angry, and I want to PROVE what I am doing isn’t stupid, that I know what I am doing, that this isn’t just a phase, that I am capable, and so I become a very sensitive person actually, very emotional, where anyone that might challenge me to make me experience myself as that child again, will trigger some nasty shit, some fire being thrown at them. And this makes me a very reactive and unpleasant person to be around, even though what I am presenting as my face and behavior is calm and cool and confident, all this is a manipulation technique developed to “keep face” as a way of showing the world that world was wrong, the world here being the adults, their believes, their cultures, their “ways” and so forth, and so I become very stubborn over time, very difficult to change anything within me, as I fear losing this life long battle as me as the child against the adults. 

Even now where I am an adult, I still see myself as a Child that is fighting the adults, that is here to prove the adults wrong, and this creates a lot of stress, tension and a massive Burden that I have created for myself to carry and to accomplish for myself, as I am always walking in-between winning or losing, never walking actually in stability as this is a polarity based “game” that I have created within me, and as a teenager did rebel, did attempt to break up my family and relationships in abusive emotional ways. 

And so the battle of the Ego’s commenced for eternity, where both sides perceive themselves as the good side, yet each opposite sees the other side as the evil, and thus a losing battle begun of knowledge and information, who is right and who is wrong, completely missing common sense, self-honesty and the physical reality, as the it is and can only be a battle of MIND as energy and a winner and a loser. 

Lol where to begin the Self forgiveness?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight adults or people that I see as “adults” and to within this fighting which can come through as general speaking want to “win” the conversation as to feel that I am not stupid, that I am not lacking, that I am not in the wrong and to make the adults feel like they are in the wrong and to make them feel as if they are a child that is stupid. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear feeling or experiencing myself as a stupid child where I am corrected or said to be wrong or to not be taken seriously. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being taken seriously even when I am within all seriousness expressing myself, yet I believe and perceive that people see me still as a child. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how others perceive me and to within this perception they have of me hold that against me within anything I do or say and where this perception of me that I believe people have of me is always negative, as inferior, as less than, as just Gian being funny. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be concerned of what others people have as a perception of me within their minds and to act within that concern and to always wanting to proof that concern that I have wrong to others, when in fact I am actually attempting to proof myself wrong, as the concern is existent within me as my experience. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be concerned about how people see me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire that people always see me as only the best qualities that is that of right and intelligent and wise and full of knowledge. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the perception of myself as not being smart to exist within me as a conflict within me that I have with myself where I am always fighting myself and attempting to proof to myself that I am smart, yet finding this impossible as I am fighting a believer of myself that I am not smart which will always be there no matter how smart I get, and thus my smartness will never be enough. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as stupid and not capable and to within this self-judgement FEAR that others will judge me the same, or see that I am judging myself as that and then take advantage of that judgement I have of myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the experience I had a “just being a child” to take hold and effect on me throughout my life and to infect everything I as an experience of never being enough, of never being creative or an individual that can express himself, and to within that always Blame those that I have deemed as being responsible for my experience and who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and hold an impression of my childhood experiences within me of that I am not normal, as just being a child, as stupid, inadequate, not capable, not serious, that I must always listen to adults, and do as adults say, those with “experience” and that have lived longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the impressions I got from family, society, that I am not smart, that I am not intelligent, that I am not good enough, and to within this form an inner conflict within myself of self-hatred, where I started blaming and judging myself for “missing” all those things and so always fight with myself within myself and started developing self-hatred and anger issues also towards others that would make me experience myself as all those things that I am “missing” and take the fight/conflict outward to make the other person/people feel the same way as me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make others feel the same way as I experience myself just to get back at them, as to blame them for what I have accepted and allowed to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I communicate with other people over the internet or in real life, to always have a defense system up where I am ready to protect myself for in case I am challenged in the fear of feeling like a stupid child again. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to exist as the insecurity of and as a child of and as the system definition of a child, instead of standing by my physical child as the confidence of ME as the physical, and to within this separate myself from the expression of the physical into the mind as a energy program that works/function on polarities as reactions, as winning and losing, and to within this create a religion of myself that I must fight for, that I must protect, where I am in fact always only protecting the ideas/believes/opinions of myself of being a stupid child and never actually changing myself as the problem within me through corrective living. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto having to fight everyone in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the idea that I must defend myself against everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the idea/believe that I must always prove myself to everyone or I will lose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the fear of losing, where I believe that if I have to even lose in a conversation or in a talk or any form of communication with others or the world or where I do not know something yet, that I am less, that I am not worthy of life, of being me, or expressing me, and that I should rather then shut up and sit in the corner as I was taught to do in school. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back on my expression and common sense in the fear of that anyone might challenge it, and that I might have been wrong and need to re-look at what I looked at and to within this actually only fear knowing my ego and that I will be unwilling to admit I have missed a point and so rather not express myself in the fear of facing all my ego points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear confrontation as I fear feeling like a child that is stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be able to right now as I am, know everything in existence before I can express myself, seeing and realizing that this comes from the ego point of fearing being wrong, losing and thus I want to prepare myself to ONLY win, and so I lose all common sense and rather focusing on knowledge and information as reason as weapons to defend myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for doing something different than what adults advised me to do, where I fear that the adults will laugh at me and see me as being stupid and funny again and thus not being taken serious. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this “being taken seriously” such a big point where I can actually become possessed by anger and wanting control people and events for the sake of feeling that I am being taken seriously. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add so much value of who I am within needing to be taken seriously. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I must take myself seriously first and even when I do take myself serious to take it kindheartedly, where I attach nothing personal to what I say and do, but to walk it within principle, within self-honesty and common sense, to simply always make sure that I am checking my words to be within common sense, supportive and best for all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be tense within myself expecting the worse responses from people within what I do and what I stand for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tense within myself when and as I am being serious, seeing and realizing that I am tense because I am writing from the starting point of “people MUST take this what I am saying serious or there will be shit” and to within this place heavy expectations on myself through how I have placed the word in writing or speaking and thus create a In Tenseness within me through how I have placed the sentences that now hold me to them and their expectations as the intentions I had behind them, which was and is still based on self-interest to PROOF myself to others as being serious, instead of my starting point being clear, a realization and insight of a real moment as a living being walking within Principle and expressing the insight, realization as is and to not ADD on the extra bit that comes from where I believe I am lacking and requires to WIN and seen as serious and thus always exaggerate my words to make up for what I believe I am lacking. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT check myself in slow motion breathing and what is HERE as personality and to stop and all personality/character that interFEAR with what I have seen as a realization or insight and where the message remains clear and thus supportive for all one and equal as the physical, no mind added, no secret agenda, no tail, no intention, no Bias. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cast aside simplicity, direct hereness, seeing and to add biased messages and values within my words that supports the mind, as my characters, personalities that are always from and as a negative starting point, even if the message is “positive”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see a person say something or comment on something which contains a lot of information and knowledge to cast aside my simplicity and t take what the person has said as a personal attack/challenge to see if I can beat this person, if I can win with my knowledge and information and so chase away people, and so create wards and fight and conflicts that are unnecessary and very personal and not what is best for all life, and not for myself, or I would not have had any personal connections to my words as they are as and for all life, and not for a personal agenda. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tense up as I am about to say something in the fear of saying the wrong things that makes me sound and seem like a loser and thus not win, instead of breathing and trusting my simplicity, my direct seeing, my common sense and to speak that no matter how I “think” others will receive it, as long as I check my words and know they are clear and in alignment with what’s best for all life, expression common sense, expressing NO emotion, no feelings no personal attachments that then contaminates and renders the message useless. 

I commit myself to when and as I see I am about to speak, type, write or do any form of communication, to check myself, to slow down, to remove all emotion, feelings and to forgive what is here behind my starting point for wanting to do what I am about to do, to stabilize myself and not rush into battle and to check my words, my common sense, my self-honesty and to write the words that are clear and to not attach any personal value where I feel what I am saying will give or remove any value from me, as the value of my words must stand within common sense, self-honesty and that stand in the physical and needs NO fighting, no argument, no personality, NO bias.

Day 547 – Jack of all trades, But nothing special, Mommys Favorite, Self- Forgiveness

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not having ever really finished something that I started doing and to always somewhere along the line either stop or just let it fade away into nothingness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the experience of guilt due to how old I am now and how much I could have accomplished throughout my life if only I ever finished something I started and to within this have this wondering emotional body of what could have been if only I didn’t quit or stop or just let something fade away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this regret of not finishing something throughout my life build up anxiety and fear within me within what I am doing now, as I have over time only proven to myself that I cannot finish something that is long term and thus I haven’t yet established real dependent commitment within myself of myself as who I am within what I am doing as the starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for how I have taken on only her patterns and way of living and doing things, never going in fullheartedly and giving it my all no matter how long it takes and to push to the end till it is done, and to not do anything for energy as time has proven to me that energy as emotions/feelings/thoughts isn’t sustainable and thus cannot function within the physical reality and how things actually work within space and time and thus the process of manifestation/creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my mother for making me her favorite son and that I was placed under that pressure of having to always keep my mother happy and thus my focus became my mother and short term goals/achievement that always only kept my mother happy, seeing and realizing that this is me victimizing myself and blaming my mother as placing the responsibility onto her for who I have accepted and allowed myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for me accepting and allowing myself to take on that role as her son and to always wanting to please her, thus seeing and realizing my participation/creation within this role, where I also played a self-interest game of always getting my way to feel good and to manipulate and take chances/advantage of my position as being the favorite child.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as much as my mother enjoyed me taking on the role of always pleasing her and being her favorite I also enjoyed it equally because I played the role and thus no one is to blame, and thus this means I must stand up from this design within me and take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how not only did my mother place a certain role I must play over me and me accepting and allowing that, but how through me taking on that role I placed my mother within a certain role, where she had to always not seem or be happy, where my mother didn’t have to take self-responsibility for her own happiness/joy and thus we became dependent on each others characters to keep the show going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always do things in my live whereas the end result must be me pleasing my mother, making her happy, seeing and realizing that even after many years of not being home or in my mother’s presence there is still a resonant point within me where I hope that what I am doing is making my mother happy and proud and that no matter what I do will show my mother what I did and that she will smile and say I am happy my child, thus seeing and realizing that within this resonant point within me and my life I can never truly do anything for myself and to truly take self-responsibility as everything I do then will inherent this pattern that I have developed with my mother of not finishing something and only doing things to achieve a momentary feeling of achieving/completing/creating something but was only a milestone, not the end and run with that to my mother to show her she can be happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the internal relationship I have created towards my mother within and as the fear of losing my mother and thus losing a part of me, seeing and realizing that my mother is her own person and that she has given me many many years of her life, as it was her responsibility as she brought me into this world and thus wasn’t a favor, it was her responsibility and thus also not something I own her, as I am grateful, but I am not in debt to her for doing so, that’s not how life is supposed to work otherwise we will always exist in debt on a personal level and a global level as the money system based on some fairness logic that does not exist and thus no one will ever get on with their lives and LIVE, yet she has her own life to continue living after me and to keep such a relationship within me and to sustain such a relationship toward my mother on a resonant level only keep us enslaved to this pattern of never truly living our own lives but keep waiting on each other.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to truly let go of my mother as the energetic relationship that I have built with her over many years and that I haven’t given to myself MY life to live and to freely make choices that are truly my own and not based in bias where the bias is to secretly make my mother happy and to not disappoint her, and to truly develop myself for myself to be my utmost potential and do things that is in alignment with what makes my mother happy but to do things that I actually have genuine interest in, such as changing this god for saken world and do whatever it takes no matter if that makes my mother happy or not with what I must do, such as going against social conformity and brainwashing and calling out the bullshit in religion and not being the son she wants to to be just to keep her happy, but to free myself and her from this lifelong energetic bondage that is simply not serving either one, YET have a relationship with my mother is based on respect/honor and care/love based on the common ground of how all humans must be towards one another.

To be continued.

Day 546 - Jack of all trades, But nothing special, Mommys Favorite

All throughout my life, or as far as I can remember, I never really “finished” something that I started, thus I never actually build a skill, I never really specialized in anything, I would always stop, or what I was busy with/doing would simply start fading away and I would just not be doing it anymore. This has been a pattern that I can see I have created and trapped myself within for a very long time and it is one of my most difficult patterns to work through. Because I developed a character that always starts something with a good and positive energy, even if this energy isn’t visible as in me looking exciting and all jumping around, but within myself there is this positive energy, where I have convinced myself and where I have within myself made a decision to do this, that I am going to not quit and finish this. So it has become quite a tricky pattern I have set up for myself to trap myself, because even within walking my process I seem to have simply modified and changed a few things here and there to make It “look” like I am starting something and finishing something, I am here referring to long term things.

Where did I develop this pattern and why? When I look at my childhood years and as I grew up, I didn’t necessarily have this pattern within me that I was living out back then, but something throughout my early years did give me this influence, impression on how to take things on – so here I am investigating my mother, because I see and saw that she had this exact same pattern, My mother was amazing at doing short term things like cleaning the house and doing all the quick odds things, which surprisingly I am as well, But she never did anything that was long term, so here I didn’t per say see my mother (the most influential person in my life back then) NOT finishing what she started, I just didn’t see her do anything that is long term, only short term things, thus My father who was the one doing the long term living such as working day in and out providing for us, was unseen, I was unable to learn that part from him, so I copied my mother’s short term living, where I always want satisfaction after each thing I do, preferable the same day or week.

And let me be clear, I didn’t even finish any PC games or PS2 games; I played them for temporary satisfaction, but never got the end, so this pattern wasn’t developed just in relation to doing “hard work” but also in relation to play and fun, anything that took time and patience, breathing, physical application, one plus one accumulating and end result.

But why did I take on this pattern from observing my mother but for example my older brother didn’t to my extent, neither did my younger brother? Well this is the cold hard truth of family dynamics and what takes place within families, that as the middle child or three boys, I was Favorited by my mother and I knew this, and thus I wanted to copy and be just like my mother, this in a way gave my brother space to NOT be influenced by my mother as much as I was, so they had space to find different role models, or develop more of an independent view of reality and what they want to do.

My focus was on being my mother’s son, which meant I had to copy her in ways that would make me more like her, thus being her favorite even more, I never considered ANY of the physical and developmental consequences that would manifest within myself and thus my life through these actions, because as a child I was totally free from the responsibilities of what exist outside of school and home and those kind of long term responsibilities weren’t really placed within me through education or anyone to really understand where my focus should be in developing myself, thus I did focus all my time and energy and development on “energy, feelings, emotions, highs and lows” and develop myself in an energetic way that fit my current childhood years and to survive at home and school, but once I had to go out into the world, what happened? My mother was removed from the equation and I was left with myself with all these behaviors and patterns that had No use in the long run, and did not support me constructively to develop and enhance myself effectively to be my utmost potential.

So I became a Jack of many/all trades, I have many skills, but they all end at some point, I am great at my short term skills, in fact amazing, but pushing them into a long term point and it becomes a problem, because energy only stretches so far.
To be continued with Self Forgiveness

Day 282 – Doubt Part 7 – a doubtful world.

Self Doubt Part 1
Self Doubt Part 2
Self Doubt Part 3
Self Doubt Part 4
Self Doubt Part 5
Self Doubt Part 6

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I grew up in a world of doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the world live in now and that feeds me and gives me shelter is all possible because of money, and that money can always be taken away from me in a single moment, seeing and realizing that I have been aware of this as a child as I observed and seen how those that has gone before me behave living their lives within money, the fights, the arguments and the things I heard which was always fear and stressful and in doubt of the life I was given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow a world where my next meal is always in doubt as it depends on if I have money or not which depends on the system and what’s happening with the entire system at any given moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I grew up knowing that there are children out there that has no food/parents or hoe and that I could easily be them at any time if what I have was taken away from me, which creates fear of my entire life in general which is living in doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have developed self doubt from the reality of what I grew up in, that I was brought into a world and raised in a world where I can either have a good life or be abused either way as the system I had to accept as normal was based on hope.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not se and realize that I am not living in a world where my life is certain and definite and that it all depends on money which is always fragile and in doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to be confident within the current way the world is and that it will provide for me while billions around me on my one and the same planet are dying of hunger/disease/murder/rape/war/famine that is all human created through and by the very same system feeding me with money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I do not have confidence within myself within the current world and the way of life we are all accepting and allowing as normal that there must be something wrong with me, not seeing and realizing that the doubt I have within the current world system is in fact me having confidence within myself that the current way of life is not normal and MUST change and cannot be trusted at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the confidence in me to doubt the current system and to from that perspective question it and my life and what is being accepted as normal to not accept it and to see what is here and to bring it all to a stop and change to life and be and do what is best for all life in all ways.

Day 281 – Self Doubt Part 6.

Self Doubt Part 1
Self Doubt Part 2
Self Doubt Part 3
Self Doubt Part 4
Self Doubt Part 5

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself when and as I say something of common sense and other people disagree.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself when and as those that disagree are Many and I am but one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose confidence within myself when and as there are disagreement within my world from the many.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place confidence within the many as if they somehow always know better and that I know less and not what I speak of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a false sense of confidence in the many as a way to not to have to take self responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not doubt the many/society as a way of questioning the many/society and the confidence I place in society as always having the right way and knowing what they are doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself just because there are many speaking up and against what I say as if that must be enough evidence that I am wrong and must doubt myself, not seeing and realizing that this must give me more confidence as I am saying the right things that forces people to also question reality and what they are accepting and allowing to exist here as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place self value in the doubts I have, instead of seeing and realizing that the doubt I have is red flags for me to look at myself and to correct myself and breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that common sense and what is best for all life requires confidence to speak about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as something is in fact best for all life and within common sense that no confidence or doubt is required to speak it as it is fact and real and that only/,mostly lies and deception requires to be conned as having confidence to speak about and that it requires doubt as the polarity to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that self doubt comes in when and as I am not standing within myself as who I am in fact as the words I speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am speaking and doing something for others that I will always have doubt as it is done from the starting point of self interest and not best for all life which is where I say what is real straight forward and to the point with no need to impress or CONvince others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that only because we have created a world of deception and abuse is something such as confidence required to sell the deception and abuse and thus there will always be doubt in dishonest living till we change this world/ourselves to a place that is best for all lie where no one need to have to develop confidence as no one will have doubt as we will live in a world of certainty and loving thy neighbor as thy self.

Day 280 – Self Doubt Part 5, Doubt as Support

DO U BT

Day 276 –Self Doubt Part 1
Day 277 – Self Doubt part 2
Day 278 – Self Doubt part 3
Day 279 – Self Doubt Part 4

I just now faced a really weird point – I said something, I made a video a long time ago about animals being shot on farms for the sake of reducing “profit loss’ on farms, where I say that the farmers are losing profit but the animals are losing everything from the farmer being there in the name of profit, the animals loses his food, his home, his Life and his everything and literally just survive till death and have to take food from the farmer, where else?? Nothing is left for them, and now they are suddenly called thief's and stealing!! Seriously, animals don’t know there is such a things as stealing, the earth has always before given to them and provided unconditionally till the human came and now call it stealing and then kill the animal for it, because it has a profit/money loss.

And now after all the common sense and looking at the reality of it, I can see it is a pretty awesome point I opened up, and then everyone that comments on the video disagree with me and keeps telling me I am stupid and small and know nothing and can’t see the bigger picture etc etc.

Then there comes this sudden moment of self doubt, doubting that what I have said might be wring and that they might be right, then I take a deep breath and realize WHAT THE FUCK, of course I am making common sense, fucking look at it, it undeniable.

Yes there is that moment of doubt that I must look at WHY, the justification of why I am giving in and not standing in absolute certainty.

I find it interesting that all the peoples comments push that exact point where they ask me for the proof and the evidence and the numbers and the calculations that farming is fucking up wildlife and pushing animals to extinction – so here I am with common sense where I see directly the reality and they can’t see the obvious connections - as if something greater and higher is maybe instead killing the animals and that farming as we are doing now is completely harmless and not having any consequences.

So now I face the doubt, why us the doubt there, I see this doubt is because I am one standing in the face of the many voices saying the same thing. So it is on the believe that if many people say the same thing then it must be the truth and thus I must be wrong, because the many seem to see the same thing and I don’t, I see it differently, so I must doubt myself.

Yet I can see through this, because I understand how the mind fucks with me, Know thy self, I see it is in reverse, it is to stand no matter what with the common sense and the self honesty as Life, Life’s got my back and I have Life’s back, we are the same back, so I may be one human physical body speaking but I have life behind me, they might be a group but they are speaking against that which gives them life and breathe, it is obviously not recommended.

So i am learning to stand and to breathe and to not cave in just because others are saying differently, just because the group disagree does not mean they are right and I am wrong, if and when I see and realize that I stand within certainty within myself within what I stand as, as the physical reality as life as actuality then There is never any reason to doubt myself, my doubt is showing me where I still have to work on myself and to stand, to breathe and not be directed by doubt, but common sense and self honesty and what is best for all life is/must always be what I move myself as.

So I see and realize that before I speak and open up a point for all, that I must write about it to have clarity to create my confidence and to not have any assumptions or hopes within the vlogs/blogs and to be here as all I speak as being absolute in each word, this can only be done through researching and writing and integrating the information as me to live it as me and to share it equally with all to awareness as I made myself aware in oneness and equality where I bring the points to physical reality within common sense as being obvious, so that I can say what needs to be said in simplicity and clarity and not speak in circles and create self doubt.

I create myself in each moment/actions/decision.