Day 477 – investigating self- Postponement

What does it mean to postpone, what is postponement, let me start at the beginning of what I have lived as postponement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone living and being utmost potential through not applying myself within the most basic and simple tools such as Breathing, and to postpone the physical action of focusing on my breathing because I want to rather focus on what I have been living and giving my attention to for the past two decades which is the mind and thus as my limited potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I cannot right now do this, live my utmost potential, as I still have to focus on so many other points first, and to within this postpone what is here as me as my utmost potential and thus rather focusing on all the problems and all the things I still make myself believe I have to walk through before I can be my utmost potential, and thus creating all that I make myself believe that I still have to walk through before I can be my utmost potential an excuse and thus a postponement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use postponement as a reason for me to not to have to do something right now just because I have a bead feeling within me regarding what I have to do right now that is here, and to create many reasons and excuses that seem relevant and real (even if I really just pull them out of my ass) through using the physical reality and creating “real” points that will not really bloc me from doing what I can do just so that I can protect the feeling within me that is negative, and not having to go to this negative feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone what is here and that I can take responsibility for and to limit myself just because I have a bad feeling on my belly about something that is within my mind, a specific secret fear that I am not sharing with anyone, because it is so small within me that I fear even mentioning it will make me seem weak and small, so I rather postpone what needs to be done and make up so many excuses as I fear doing what needs to be done now by me can reveal this fear to others and mostly to myself, where I experience it within me consistently within doing t5he task at hand, my it be talking to a person, or cutting the grass or doing a phone call for business, or writing this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone what is here to do as a point that requires a response from someone to move and with me being in the current position to respond to take self-responsibility I will rather not do it right now and postpone till another time when it fits me or when I am feeling that the moment is right, the moment isn’t right now, it is wrong now, so I must wait till how I experience myself within myself change and then I can do what needs to be done, but by that time it’s to late and the moment is gone and the point that needed responses in the moment has not lost its universal connection of possibilities, it is now contaminated by postponement and the flower that didn’t get its water but a day before is now dead the next day, so the room stink up, the bees has no food, and the sun has nowhere to send its ray to, and the only reason the flower didn’t get its water is because someone was to busy sitting on the couch in fear of missing a TV show for the life of a flower.

THUS

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I postpone something within my day I am not just postponing what needs to be done, I am postponing a universal movement, a movement that has to do with more than just me, it has to do with the proce4ss of LIFE and where all life is inter connected, and the moment I postpone even the simplest moment I am harming many other connections/relationships that reality consists of consistently and thus postponing the process of life and helping those that has no idea of this process and or can do nothing about it due to their position in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish within my actions within the ignorant belief that what I do effects only me, and that I have the right to only do things when I feel like it, never considering, within a business, within a relationship, within a family, within a community and thus within this world, everything I do or do not do within every aspect of my life that is interconnected to all life, like throwing a pebble into a pond, or not throwing it, are we creating or waiting, and what are we creating or what are we waiting for, either options is creation, just directly or indirectly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my postponement is a side effect of who I am – it is me as a product and on the label it says, side effects may be postponement of using this product, created over time by all aspects of my life, and thus I can see that this who I am can be changed through the fact that I accepted and allowed this who I am now to be, so I can undo it and create myself as my utmost potential, which will be a product of life, one that functions as and for life, no postponement is possible because my movement is who I am, not a side effect of how I feel or think, but what is here, what is practical what is best.

Examples lived,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone eating food during the day, due to me being within the mind within a consistent state of stress and worry about what I need to do and getting to it, and to within this tire myself out before I can ever get to doing what needs to be done because my body is tired and does not have energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone going to bed at night due to worrying about time and not having enough personal time to get to personal things that I would like to do and to within this end up going to bed to late and struggling to wake up, thus...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone waking up when I hear my alarm within the through of I did not get enough sleep and to within this get to work to late and thus not having enough time to eat and to get to supporting my body properly from the get go and to have an effective day within moving myself and thus going into stress.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone getting to the actual movement of my day once I have done all the planning and all the small things that requires to be done within the morning, such as doing the phone calls and the emails and the trips to appointments and making my life prosper within self-movement due to now lacking energy and being stuck within an anxiety where I have rushed myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone taking actions within my life to correct my consistent errors that I am aware of yet continue falling into the traps, due to me wanting to hold on to some personal points of self-interest such as having my time at night, instead of making that clear cut decision of going to bed at a certain time to get that six hours of sleep in to be able to wake up early and to have a breakfast and to support myself for the day physically and to move myself and direct myself instead of being trapped within energies and emotions/feelings that is the consequences of my actions that I did not direct and take self-responsibility for due to postponing, saying I will correct it tomorrow, I will do it tomorrow, I will get to it tomorrow, I am still okay, I am still fine so I can start with it tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone my life and to not direct my life to be the best potential that it can be so that I can life the best of my potential and still discovering myself within the process.

Day 425 – I am breaking a habit tonight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify not doing my responsibilities through saying I was/am too busy without even taking the time to consider my time and my priorities and to see if I really am busy or not or if it’s all just here in the mind at the moment.

When and as I see myself wanting to justify why I haven’t been doing my responsibilities through saying I am too busy – I stop, I breathe and I take a moment o consider myself here in the moment and what I am doing and what I have planned to do and to actually check and see if I am too busy or not and to then move and direct myself accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be occupied with the mind and to keep myself busy with the mind within thinking and planning and worrying and building fear and anxiety and back chat and to miss out on the real time I have here to do things and to then claim I was busy, seeing and realizing that being busy in the mind isn’t being busy, it is a distractions from what is here that needs to get done.

When and as I see myself Believing that I am busy where I am only busy within thought/mind I stop, I breathe and I look at what I am busy with, am I creating limitation as energy/mind as the fears/worrying or am I actually busy using my body and my hands and my words and all that is here that matters and actually doing something real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use casual things that I do as a way of keeping me busy through repeating doing them over and over such as having a coffee or quickly checking up on something or watching one episode casually to much or talking to other people casually too much and to use this as a way of saying I was busy as an excuse for me to get to actual things that require to get done.

When and as I see myself doing something that is seen as casual “to much” as a way of distractions for myself and to have a justification/reason for why I did not attend my responsibilities – I stop, I breathe and I get my ass out of the Casual routine before I become a casualty of my own self sabotaging patterns and to move myself to do what’s needed to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself “just this one more” before I get to my responsibilities as a way of repeating the same pattern over again such as having another coffee/drink/food etc and to postpone getting to the duties because I have created an Idea of getting to them and that they are difficult things to do while these small minute patterns are easy and better and thus lose all my time that I had through repeating the small easy patterns over and over and not getting to the realness of the other duties, and thus the Idea of the other duties grow bigger and bigger in my head and thus I get stuck in the small patterns more and more and never really seeing what’s real or not anymore, and that the only way out in the end is to simply move myself to see/find out for myself the reality.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself repeating the small patterns over and over where I will do small minded things like having three coffees in a row and talk small pity things with others that’s useless, or spend my time just sitting on the stoop as If I just came from working hard and I am resting as a way/reason for why I am sitting there and not moving myself to do things that matter and that’s is of moving forward, I STOP, I BREATHE and I stand up from the pattern and I go to that point of resistance and I push myself to breathe and do it, and to stop wasting time where I keep myself busy with mind/minute things and to actually do things that matter and that’s best for all.

Day 380 – There is No such thing as the Right Time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I can only do certain work/project that needs to be done at a certain time in the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see and realize that it is an excuse to only want to do certain tasks/projects a certain time of the day, even if I have the time right now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit and wait for the right time to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that it is actually me following thoughts/feelings/emotions based on what I like and dislike and thus time in itself isn’t the problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make time the problem, and thus not looking at myself within that moment and questioning that moment within self-honesty and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind TIME and that TIME is responsible for what I am doing or not doing, seeing and realizing that time is a man created Idea according to the mind, thus time is within the limitation of the mind, and when and as I am following time I am actually following the mind, still understanding that time can be used as a practical tool, but that is all it must be and not become more.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am using time as an excuse for having to do a task/project to stop and to breathe and to reflect for a moment here in breathe in actuality and what is going on, to see my excuses and reasons and to stop and realize it isn’t real and to move myself as breathe.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am not moving because I believe or more Feel like it isn’t the right time to do something right now, to stop and to breathe and realize that I am limiting myself within time and as the mind instead of breaking through the pre-programming and walking as the physical.

I commit myself to give to myself the actual physical evidence that I can do this through walking the correction and to stop talking about it and to actually walk it, less talk and more walk.

Reacting to "I must be Stupid - Day 284

Reacting - Revenge of the Ego Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone calls my name within the expectation of fear that I will be judged as lazy/pathetic/stupid or full of excuses, and to within this Get my Defense system up and ready as "backchat" that will come up.

So what have I noticed within that Self forgiveness statement, I see that I already have Judgments within me of being stupid/lazy/pathetic or a lot of excuses ABOUT things I am being lazy about or being full of excuses about or being pathetic and where I still accept and allow stupidity within me as not correcting myself and this is MY self-dishonesty and it is always in relation to CURRENT events/situations and things going on, so when and as someone else calls me or talks to me I already have these points within me that I am trying to hide where I am being dishonest towards myself, and so I react when someone may just push those points, even if they are not aware of them at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am always the one judging me in my head as being stupid, seeing and realizing that I judge myself as stupid because I am well aware of my weaknesses such as reading/writing and remembering things and that I am not doing anything to correct me within the point, thus when someone else acts/behaves/speak towards me that make it seem like they are judging me as stupid I feel threatened and thus go into reaction as to protect my weakness and not have to face myself as my own self dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as i feel threatened to be exposed as what I am accepting and allowing of myself as being stupid and that I am not correcting myself to React as a fight or flight mechanism to defend my weakness. Instead of seeing and realizing that I have to change who I am within the point of feeling stupid through actually physically improving my skills and abilities within reading/writing/understanding and comprehending things through doing those things daily till I am effective and confident within myself to do it as who I am as a expression of myself and not to do it from the starting point of fear - as fearing to be seen as stupid because then I will never be good enough as the fear will always make everything I do seem small and like nothing as the mind will fuck with me if I give it power over me as energy and thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I will never be able to read something and remember it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not remember what I have red

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone is showing me how to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Intemperate someone showing me how to do something as them thinking I am Stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid when and as someone is showing me how to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Get angry at other people when and as they show me something because I judge myself as being stupid for not knowing already.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself as being Stupid and inferior to others for not knowing something already.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that I must react and defend myself when and as someone is showing me how to do something where I make myself feel stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid when and as someone shows me how to do something even after I have been doing the particular thing for years myself, and to then get angry at the other person because I take it as them making me small and as if I am stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself feel small and stupid and like I am useless when someone is showing me something that I must do within the belief that because of how long I have been doing it I do n to need help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and to get possessed by ENERGY when and as someone is showing me something as a way to defend myself and to NOT to have to feel small, seeing and realizing that me feeling small as being stupid is only me experiencing it and thus it isn’t what is happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as someone is making me feel small or attempting to, that REACTING isn’t a justification to react and that I must breathe at all times and take myself through the reaction to the physical reality HERE and to apply and learn and grow.

Reacting - Revenge of the Ego - Day 283

How do I react, when I react I become possessed with energy, I lose all focus, my eyes literally starts to shake, I lose my words, I can’t think at all, I shake and my heart beats fast, I sometime (depends on the situation) become weak in my body, like there is no power in my body, I lose myself and I am taken over by energy.

This is me going into fight or flight mode, when and as I react, I feel/believe that what is happening is personal and attacking me and unfair, thus the fight or flight mode kicks in, I tend to go into fighting with words, but my words are lost, I am simply speaking my back chat, I am spreading energy and not making any common sense.

When and as I feel that I am loosing within the argument or the situation and I am reacting I make my voice louder, I start to scream even and I shake more and more, I fear what I might do, this fear then shuts my body down from being able to do anything, I am numb, I fear losing the “battle”, I must try and do something, the weakness in my body makes me feel even worse, sometimes I will even go into physical tendencies such as hitting a door or a pole to release/direct the energy within me to getout, to get rid of the possession but it only strengthens it. It is only making me angry; I am angry at myself for how I am handling the situation, this could have been avoided if only I did not take it personal and if I was breathing.

I feel it is to late, I now have to either completely give up what’s happening and lose or go all the way within the reaction just to feel I am not losing, I usually give up and I loose, because i can see where this might go, I fear where the reaction might go, I lose physical eye sight sometimes for a moment, I have no real recollection of what is happening or happened during the reaction afterwards, I feel ashamed and diminished, i feel that I have sold myself out.

The back chat after the reaction is clear, the thoughts and thinking running through my head, they show me what was the initial points that I was having back chat about before the reaction, and the thoughts and the justifications and the comparisons etc that builds up the inner conversations, then when and as the moment comes that I am faced with myself and I react, I re enact what I previously did in my mind into physical reality, which never works out and the energy takes over.

This is where I see how I create the reaction, and I see a practical way to “prevent” these situations and to not fall in the trap of energy.

I see that the reaction is taken personal, the reaction is existent because “personal” exist, so I look at what it is personally that I have Identified myself as, as living words that I have within me, that is of fear/separation, because it is those words that I have identified myself as that when I experience them I react. It is usually my Weaknesses.

I have Identified four words – Stupid, Pathetic, Lazy, excuses – these words are the words that I experience and React to, as I have created a fear towards these words that someone might Identify me as those words, only to discover that I have Identified myself as those words, and no matter how much work I do or how intelligent I become or how awesome I become or how I improve on those points, I am those words in my head – showing me that all the effort I do to get away from those words is in the starting point of fear, and when someone does something in my reality that might just make me seem/feel stupid/lazy/pathetic/ or full of excuses I react BIG time as the ego as the fear will try and defend and protect. Even if the other persons intention wasn’t that at all.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when someone asks me to do something that seem unfair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within back chat and thoughts as comparisons of what I do and what I can do to others and to within this react when and as I see others aren’t doing or being willing to do what I do or can do and to then within my mind have secret conversations with myself where I make it all seem justifiable and self righteous .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to unfairness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create unfairness through comparing myself to others and what others do to myself and what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be a fair person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am the only fair person on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as fairness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how I am setting up myself and reality for me to react through defining myself as fairness where everyone else will seem unfair to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in what I do as oppose to what others do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and if they are moving as much sand as I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and if they can do as much digging as I can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself more in my own eyes because I can do more digging than others and to then hold it against others as if I am doing more and thus they are stupid and weak and un able to do real stuff.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do all the hard work from the starting point of now everyone else owns me something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dig and work as much as I can to make everyone else seem useless and weak so that I can always feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work hard within the intention of making everyone else seem like they are doing nothing within my eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do the things I do as physical work or work in front of the PC with the evil intent of seeing if anyone else is also doing it because I am and can do it so they must and therefore if they can’t do it as well they are lazy and weak and pathetic and lying and just plain full of excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as pathetic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as just full of excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone is saying something to me that makes me experience myself as pathetic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone says or do something towards me that make me experiences myself as pathetic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone says or do something towards me that make me experience myself as lazy, or as if I was being lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone says something to me that makes me experience myself as being full of excuses, or as if I haven’t been doing my best already.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge others as being lazy that I am just projecting my own fear of being seen as lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge others as being full of excuses that it is only me projecting my own fear of being seen as being full of excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge others as being pathetic that it is only me projecting my own fear as being seen judged as being pathetic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge others as being lazy that it is only my own fear as being seen as being lazy by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge someone else as being stupid that it is only my own fear of being seen judged as stupid that I project onto them, to make myself feel better.
To Be Continued.

Day 165 – Justifying is Fighting for Limitation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am confronted by someone where my actions/words are questioned and points pointed out to Instead of Breathing and Correcting myself “feel” that I have to explain my actions/words in the fear that if I do not explain myself that I will be seen as less than the person confronting my words/actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as a Person points out something I have done or am doing in the moment to react and Try and explain myself To justify why I did not see/do the obvious thing – seeing and realizing that as soon as I want to justify myself that I am in fact dishonest because to attempt to justify implies that I knew what I was doing and what I was not doing Instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Justification is a deliberate act as to why I did not correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Justification is only MIND as I try and attempt to explain my back chat and thoughts and thinking processes – and that justification is a outflow of feeling guilty as I know that I could have instead of having backchat or thoughts have Changed and corrected myself Physically i the moment and thus I know I did not do this and thus the Justification process starts of fighting for my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Justifying myself is only me Fighting for my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify my actions/words when someone points them out to me in the attempt to spite the other person just so that They may not win in showing me how it is possible for me to self perfecting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I justify my actions and words is when I still believe that the mind has power of me as the knowledge and information I hold as all the excuses and reasons that the mind made up for why I did not change/correct myself in and as Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone else is showing me a Better way of doing something to Justify why I did not do it as such to sound smart and clever and that I was considering it BUT instead took it the other way just to not having to listen and learn and grow from the other person and to instead fight for my limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Justification is always justification and isnt a reason in fact. A real reason for why I did not correct myself in breathe in the moment would be when for instance a meteor falls out of the sky and kill me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify my own justifications as being special and full of reason and common sense, not seeing that it is me fighting for my own fears/limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Justification is but a fiction of my imagination and not reality in fact but a compilation of self made up ideas/belief/perspectives limited to my own knowledge and information that is rooted in fear and thus can never be trusted.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself wanting to justify to Stop the words that want to fall onto my tongue and to take the Air of Life into my lungs and Bring myself here and to Correct myself as the flesh and bones that I am as Life.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I want to defend my limitations/fears (EGO) through the reasons/excuses to stop and take a breathe and to instead correct myself and to realize that when someone is helping me and it makes sense within and as the physical that is here that it does not mean I have to speak, it means I can correct and breathe.

I commit myself to when and as I Feel the storms of fears arise within me of when someone else shows me what I have already known but did not act/correct, and the urges and temptations of my fears come to defend them, to stop and breath and to realize I am not the inner red flames of fear and to take a deep breathe to cool the flames and to realize myself here as the breath and to correct myself - instead of fighting a battle that is always only against myself where I defend my own limitations only and to learn from another in humbleness.

Day 164 – Let me Explain as Justifying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I want to explain myself to attempt to manipulate myself and what I see I have to explain as a way of justifying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am faced with having to explain myself in situations of confrontation to instead of Breathing and correcting myself to instead try and explain myself as a way to Justify myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use circumstances as a reason to justify my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Blame as a way to reason and Justification.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always Look at everything outside of myself as reasons and ways to justify my decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am looking at everything out there for the cause/reason for my actions that I am not self honest and not looking at me as the one making the decisions in fact in the end always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I use and look at everything out there as reasons/excuses to Justify my actions that I am only justifying instead of correcting myself and perfecting myself as Life as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Through justifying my decisions/actions teach myself that it is impossible to correct myself instantly as Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Justifications as reasons and excuses to not correct myself instantly in breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify my actions/decision as a way to not face Instant correction/change as breathe as a way to hold onto that which I know and feel save with, not seeing and realizing that I am in fact holding onto my own limitations and enslaving myself to the mind with all the reasoning and justifying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entangle myself in and as the mind through reason/excuses and justifying my actions and creating layers of knowledge and information within and as myself as I have to hold onto the justification to always be able to tell the same Lie?justification to anyone who asks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear instant correction in and as breathe as LIFE as that which is best for all life in the fear of losing my limitations I have known for years and have become a slave to, seeing and realizing that it is not best for all and not myself as I am part of ALL, and thus it is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be used to justifying myself in explaining myself that I never considered correcting myself instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as and when I use reason and excuses to justify my actions/decisions hat I will always only live a life where I am in the boundaries of those reasons/excuses and thus will never be able to see what is here in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I justify my actions/decisions that I have in that moment of justifying created a Bubble that consist of all the reasons/excuses as the justifications and that I am now Bound to this bubble and having to live in this bubble and keeping it alive, because I know that when the bubble pops I will be revealed as one big LIE and so within this I will always do things and make decisions that Limit me from my Past decisions to sustain the bubble, even though I know I can change my decisions and actions I make but then that will show everyone that I was LYING to them within my reasoning and all the excuses I made out to be so REAL.

To be Continued