Day 4 - Self -judgements and consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of how truly fucked we are as a specie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of the fact that unless each and every human beings understands the mind and how it functions in detail and how the human is a personality as the ego designed to be organic robots/slaves, will we not be able to change ourselves first and foremost and thus not this world, and thus through losing sight I let loose a little bit and eventually take it way too easy with pushing and thus fall into hope.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of the extent of the problem that is here, and more so to lose sight of the educational process that is required to actually have a revolution to real evolution as the human species and thus to have a global change as the human changes,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back MY process and sharing my process continuously OPENLY as part of the educational process that is here through blogs, vlogs and general sharing, as I JUDGE my own process as not good enough, as not relevant, as not having any effect, yet within that I am in fact living those judgements and thus making believes real and so cripple my own self change and everyone else in this wold that could have benefited but now aren't due to me not sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead share BULLSHIT of other people sharing apparent relevant shit yet does not even touch the point of self-honesty of even a glimpse of what the mind truly is, and so withhold myself and my own process that actually covers all the dimensions that is required within the education revolution that is required for a truly evolved human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that laziness as NOT feeling like doing something, such as writing, sharing and actually caring is a mind consciousness system design that has POWER over me as energy of the mind generated through constant thoughts that I have of myself judging myself negatively to such an extent that this energy forms layers within me undirected, not forgiven and thus it starts flooding the PHYSICAL as the flesh and stores itself within the body, and so the body starts experiencing itself as heavy and thus lazy, and so over time I am not to be found anywhere and can barely find the will power within me to even move myself as the energy as the mind consciousness system has not completely vegetated me as the body to have the body ONLY for itself to entertain itself and to keep generating energy and feed of the physical/flesh till death.

I commit myself to when and as I FEEL lazy, to REMEMBER that it isn't whatever excuse I am making up in my mind, as that is the minds defence mechanism to control ME as self-movement and to free myself, and thus I can take full self-responsibility within understanding that I created the laziness through accepting and allowing the mind games/energies as the thoughts I participated within over and over to take hold of me as the body/physical and to place me in a prison of consequence that I must then physically MOVE myself and to actually physically correct myself no matter how lazy I feel or what the thoughts are of why I should not, as this is self-movement and me taking a Stand and saying no more, and to write, share and actually change.

When Lethargy sinks in Day 606 - 9 of 21

Many years ago I went through a state of lethargy, for months I was tired and exhausted and felt like sitting and zoning out, not doing or participating in anything, where the thought and thinking in my mind would be telling me over and over “ relax, you need to just sit down and relax, do nothing for a while, you have been working hard, you deserve to just sit still and do nothing, just zone out for a while, then you will feel alive and awake again, just give it time” – But then it continues, for days and then weeks and then months and then it becomes Me, this new habit and pattern. 

BUT lucky me, I Listened to the Eqafe interviews on Lethargy a while back, and this enabled me to see when I was entering Lethargy, but that’s now all, because of the interviews I was not only able to see what I am in but also HOW I have created it for myself, it all took place in a short period of 30min, where I felt lethargic and suddenly I saw the construct that was described in the interviews, and I was like, wow, this is how I created it and why I am experiencing this. In that moment I could view who I was in the past few weeks and then how that specific doing/living ended up in a state I could not explain and just experienced and then have lethargy. 

It is for me difficult to write it all specifically down, as this requires the knowledge of the interviews to fully understand, but I will do the Self-forgiveness none the less on my personal points of creation up until this point. 

Here are the interviews for your interest:

Lethargy: Introduction – https://eqafe.com/p/lethargy-introduction-atlanteans-part-212
Lethargy Looking Ahead - https://eqafe.com/p/lethargy-looking-ahead-atlanteans-part-216
Lethargy Domino Effect - https://eqafe.com/p/lethargy-domino-effect-atlanteans-part-213
Lethargy Self-Forgiveness - https://eqafe.com/p/lethargy-self-forgiveness-atlanteans-part-215
Lethargy A Physical Experience - https://eqafe.com/p/lethargy-a-physical-experience-atlanteans-part-214
Lethargy The Gifts Within - https://eqafe.com/p/lethargy-the-gifts-within-atlanteans-part-217

 

My Self-Forgiveness 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the past few weeks take on a character within me of “advancement” where the point of advancement and growing wasn’t the problem, but that I took on a character within energy, where the mind made me believe that I require a certain character to face the changes of advancing and expanding based on expectations of what is to come, where I in the current moment already generate and create all the energy that I believe I will need as this character for when and as the moment arrives that these changes and advancements take place, and so within time as I advance, the expectations isn’t met, yet I have already generated and gathered all this energy within me for a certain moment, and as this moment never arrives my body still need to use this energy or do something with it, and thus I go into a lethargic state where all this energy is now weighing on me, making me feel tired as It never got to be expressed, and so it now needs to filter through my body and all the systems designed within the mind, and so I sit and wait for myself to feel awake again, to beef alive again to move and direct myself, yet as I wait for this to happen I am forming and creating new habits and patterns set within lethargy, and thus I become lethargy as a self-propelling cycle. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require a high energy character for any change or advancement that MIGHT take place and to within this prepare the character within acclimating energy beforehand as to set myself up for success, without actually knowing the outcome of the actual time it will take before any advancement or change will actually take place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be someone else other than me to be ready, to handle any advancement or change that is to come or might come.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the non-common sense approach this is to take on a character and to generate all the required energy I believe I will required for something that might or might not happen and to within this act upon it within energy within me, not even checking physical reality and walking real time change, just following everything and anything my mind is throwing at me to follow according to an expectation I made up within my mind about what I want and not haw reality works.

Day 299 – Do this Do that Do this Do that...

Today I had a reaction, more of a built up, a guy at work told me a week ago that I must not do everything all the other salesmen are asking me, they will take advantage of me, and once I give into helping them they will make it a habit, this advise I took, because he said, you are here to learn from this one guy, so don’t go doing everything for all the other salesmen, I said ok, but doing things for others is good training so that I will know I am able to do everything that is required to do and I will know how to do it best and that I can always do it, he Said NO, you must say No.

So the reaction from today came from a week long period after he told me that, HE has been asking me to do everything he can for him, even though I am not under his training, it is interesting to observe how he is doing exactly what he warned me to Not do for the others and now it seems he got me to himself LOL.

So the example will be as follow, he comes to work with his car, he parks it in a certain spot, later during the day he has to move it, literally like ten meters away, so he is standing outside doing nothing at that moment but he will call me and then when I come he will say, can you move that car for me, he puts the keys in my hands and he will say, just put it right over there, so I reacted, this has been happening daily a lot, He will ask me to do things like this all the time, I am not training with him but he is in the same office as me and the other guy, so it seems it has become a convenience for him.

I must remove this reaction and the built up which is through the back chat I have and which starts with the observations I make that is always already set within Judgment. Because I can see that if I continue the reaction/built-up that I will compromise and sabotage myself at some point within reacting, and not even towards him maybe, but towards someone else, like the boss or manager when they ask me to do something that I judge as stupid with the back chat that I have already trained to sound justifiable and full of reason.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the reactions about the other person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the reaction Is within me and thus I must deal with the reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards the other person when and as he asks me to do something for him that I judge as Stupid and that he can do it himself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and take it personal when and as the other person asks of me to do something that I judge as stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge what the other person ask of me as stupid and to within that have the back chat of @why can’t he do it himself he must be lazy@.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the other person that asks of me to do things that I judge as stupid and small as being lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of 'why can’t he do it himself, he must be lazy ‘to exist within me and to move and direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of seeing the other guy just using me so that he can do nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have secret back chat of @he must be using me just because he knows he can@ to exist within me and to direct me as reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a irritating feeling/emotion towards the other guys and so every time he calls me I am already within a reaction towards him as a preparation of a defence system for him to NOT ask me anything, seeing and realizing how this is compromising me and my effectiveness for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create resistance towards work and being at work in the expectation anticipation of him asking me to just do stupid little thing she whole time that I find to be tiring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is all the small things that is asked of to do that is tiring me out, seeing and realizing that it is not the things I am doing but that Thoughts and the back chat and the experiences I create that tire me out as a excuse and a way of seeking attention to say LOOK I worked hard and you tired me out, that I can and may later on use as a excuse when I react and have an argument to use as @look you make me tired asking me to do all these small things you can do yourself all the time while I am here to learn from the other guy and you just use me all the time and now I am losing out on learning, seeing and realizing that this is revealing my true nature as me not being able to handle myself and my job within and as breathe and thus I must breath and stop all mind participation before it is too late and consequences will be faced.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is the work I am doing that tires me out, seeing and realizing it is the secret work I am doing in my Mind while I am doing nothing that is actually tiring me out and thus already within that compromising and sabotaging myself from being effective and successful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that being tired all the time is already a consequence of participating within the mind.

I commit myself to when and as I wake up to Breathe and to let go of all expectations/anticipations and to clear myself effectively from all thoughts/projections of the day so that I can be here and start fresh every breathe and move myself effectively as myself for myself.

I commit myself to when and as the other guy asks of me to do something to take a deep breath and to look within me what is here as the energy/reactions which only takes a few seconds and to NOT give them any attention as being real, but to be self honest about them and to forgive myself and let it go, and to within that move myself and breathe. Till i can see and practically know I can do it as much as possible as long as possible without ever reacting or being moved by reaction.

I commit myself to when and as I see that if I do react to take a deep breath and to within self honesty realize that it is NOT real and that it is MY own experience of myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become as the limitation and a pre-programmed being that has a set of programmes within me that always compromise and sabotage me from moving within the system and becoming successful and changing this fucking world once and for all.

I commit myself to let go of all self interest that I face during the day and to apply myself within NO morality when and as I see that I am faced with pre-programming and to effectively direct myself to move within the best interest of all life and that this movement isn’t limited to time and space and to what I can do and cannot do and what I like to do or not like to do but that this movement is always doing what needs to be done till it is done (change the human and change the world to that which is best for all life).

Reacting to "I must be Stupid - Day 284

Reacting - Revenge of the Ego Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone calls my name within the expectation of fear that I will be judged as lazy/pathetic/stupid or full of excuses, and to within this Get my Defense system up and ready as "backchat" that will come up.

So what have I noticed within that Self forgiveness statement, I see that I already have Judgments within me of being stupid/lazy/pathetic or a lot of excuses ABOUT things I am being lazy about or being full of excuses about or being pathetic and where I still accept and allow stupidity within me as not correcting myself and this is MY self-dishonesty and it is always in relation to CURRENT events/situations and things going on, so when and as someone else calls me or talks to me I already have these points within me that I am trying to hide where I am being dishonest towards myself, and so I react when someone may just push those points, even if they are not aware of them at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am always the one judging me in my head as being stupid, seeing and realizing that I judge myself as stupid because I am well aware of my weaknesses such as reading/writing and remembering things and that I am not doing anything to correct me within the point, thus when someone else acts/behaves/speak towards me that make it seem like they are judging me as stupid I feel threatened and thus go into reaction as to protect my weakness and not have to face myself as my own self dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as i feel threatened to be exposed as what I am accepting and allowing of myself as being stupid and that I am not correcting myself to React as a fight or flight mechanism to defend my weakness. Instead of seeing and realizing that I have to change who I am within the point of feeling stupid through actually physically improving my skills and abilities within reading/writing/understanding and comprehending things through doing those things daily till I am effective and confident within myself to do it as who I am as a expression of myself and not to do it from the starting point of fear - as fearing to be seen as stupid because then I will never be good enough as the fear will always make everything I do seem small and like nothing as the mind will fuck with me if I give it power over me as energy and thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I will never be able to read something and remember it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not remember what I have red

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone is showing me how to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Intemperate someone showing me how to do something as them thinking I am Stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid when and as someone is showing me how to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Get angry at other people when and as they show me something because I judge myself as being stupid for not knowing already.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself as being Stupid and inferior to others for not knowing something already.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that I must react and defend myself when and as someone is showing me how to do something where I make myself feel stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid when and as someone shows me how to do something even after I have been doing the particular thing for years myself, and to then get angry at the other person because I take it as them making me small and as if I am stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself feel small and stupid and like I am useless when someone is showing me something that I must do within the belief that because of how long I have been doing it I do n to need help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and to get possessed by ENERGY when and as someone is showing me something as a way to defend myself and to NOT to have to feel small, seeing and realizing that me feeling small as being stupid is only me experiencing it and thus it isn’t what is happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as someone is making me feel small or attempting to, that REACTING isn’t a justification to react and that I must breathe at all times and take myself through the reaction to the physical reality HERE and to apply and learn and grow.