Day 442 – the Burden, and the story of True Potential Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my own true potential from myself through hiding behind characters that support unhealthy patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear revealing my true potential through the Idea/belief I have created towards it, where I have the idea/belief that if I live as my true potential that I will have more burdens to carry, seeing and realizing that the burdens I have created in my head in relation towards standing as my true potential is but only in my head, as I haven’t even gone there to the true potential, so how do I know, why do I hold myself back in assumption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that if I stand/live as my true potential that I will have more burdens to carry, as I have seen living up to my true potential I will take on more responsibilities, and thus I see and realize that I have defined responsibilities in a negative way for myself where I see it as a burden, instead of a privilege, an honor.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a negative emotion to the word responsibilities and to within this define the word responsibilities for myself as a limitation and thus living responsibilities as a limitation as a burden, where I always approach any point of responsibility with a feeling of being burdened – seeing and realizing that this is a self-created point within the mind, because when I open up the dictionary I don’t see the word Burden come up, or any negative expression, thus exposing to me how I have participated within the mind adding my own meanings to the word as I see it fit to fit only my own self-interest and thus fighting for my limitations, to never wanting to take on responsibilities unless they are forced onto me and then make it a burden for myself, where I will use this “burden” then to manipulate people and to make people feel sorry for me and to pity me and to look up to me for taking on this burden where no one else did.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to investigate the word responsibilities for myself and what I am living as this word, and to see for myself why I am not moving and directing myself effectively within my true potential to where I can take on responsibilities yet I am not as I don’t want to be burdened according to my own made up definition, and to thus force more responsibilities onto others and waiting till they can’t take on more and I am then in the position of becoming a “hero” where the responsibilities are now forced onto me – and thus I am taking on this burden that others could not have handled, Yet I was a direct creator within such a manifestation because I waited, I sat aside till the others became overburdened and then only will I take on some of the Burden and make it all seem special, as if I gave up my life to do this now for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Play a game within life, where I believe I have free choice and that I can just sit by and look at how others are doing all the hard work, and how others are advancing and how others are reaching their true potentials, and that it just isn’t for me, it’s my choice, so I might as well do nothing and pretend to be busy – and then when the others are overburdened because of my lack of participation, I will not sacrifice my free choice and move myself, direct myself I will not give up my life/time to handle what they could not and take on these burdens, these responsibilities, I will wait till its forced upon me, so that I can play a game, a game where I am seen as special, where I am taking on burdens they could not, where I am sacrificing myself for them, just to get attention, and to only move myself once I am burdened, once I am someone not nice to work with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a selfish bastard that does nothing with my true potential, that only sits by and wait till the pressure is too high for others to handle, and to then have the nerve to make everyone else feel bad when they ask me to take on some of the work load, and to then take it on in such a way that I make it look like they just gave me a burden to carry, to live, and to live in such a way that every day I pretend to suffer and to be tired and to be under a lot of pressure of what OTHERS have asked of me to do, not seeing and realizing that all of this is self-created and that due to my lack of self will and self-movement/participation and hiding behind free choice, I have overburdened others and to such an extent that they had no choice but to ask me to do something, and the fact that they could ask me meant they saw I was not doing that much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mentally abuse myself daily with the deliberate intent to always LOOK tired as to show others how overburdened I am right now, how much work I have done now – and to do this in such a manipulative way where the hidden intention is to seek attention, where the attention is gained through making it seem like I am carrying the burden FOR them and not myself like I am doing everyone a favor, not seeing and realizing that I am simply abusing myself and making what I am doing much more difficult for myself, and never moving for myself as myself and pushing myself as far as I can go to where I stop carrying burdens that I have related to responsibilities – to a point where I am living and expressing myself and making the best for the responsibilities to be effective and to not be tired and mentally exhausted just to keep up the game of obtaining energy from others.

To be continued.

Day 441 - Waiting till the last minute Part 2

Day 440 - Waiting till the last minute Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till the last minute to arrange meetings with people.

When and as I see myself going into the pattern of waiting till “later as the last minute, I stop, I breathe, I consider what’s here and my action, to see if they are within consideration of the moment or that of energy as ego, and to assess my actions and the consequences of them, to from this point re-evaluate my decision and take a different path, the path of correction and apply myself within what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait up until the last minute to re-arrange meetings or appointments with people.

When and as I see myself waiting and waiting to make a phone call to someone where I have to re-arrange a meeting or an appointment, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am in a pattern again, where I am now thinking the whole time instead of doing, and that doing it easier and takes much less energy and time then thinking about re-arranging things with other people, and thus I move myself to use my energy productively and get the points out of my head.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to wait till the last minute to call people or to notify people about changes in plans.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to compromise myself and others, though NOT considering both ends equally and one, within the arrangements, or appointments that has been made, and when they are being changed, and to within this, create a constant anxiety within me, in relation to what I know I should have been doing, Yet I postponed till the last minute.

When and as I see that I am in the pattern of waiting up until the last minute to call people to re-arrange meetings or schedules, even if something unpredictable happened, I stop, I breathe, I do not wait till the last minute to notify the others, I pick up my phone or use any form of communication I have to contact the other person, as I see and realize that this is me actually considering both ends, as I would have liked for myself, thus seeing and realizing that when I do onto another as I would have liked to be done onto, I do not create anxiety/stress for myself, but instead I build my self-respect and honor.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to postpone notifying others about appointment or meetings that has to be changed, In the fear, that if I notify them, that they will react, or take it personally, or that I will be questioned about why, and using not knowing how to explain myself to them, and my situation as an excuse, I then instead go into resistance of doing it now, and thus postpone it till the last minute, when I have no choice but to go there.

When and as I see myself creating fear towards having to call people to re-arrange meetings or appointment and using the “justifications” and “excuses” of that here might be reactions or they might take it personally, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that this is my fear and not the reality of what is here and what might happen or not, and that I am only creating these fears to postpone and not take full self-responsibility for my actions/words, and thus I now instead direct myself to focus on what here and not my fear, and to move accordingly within the practical steps that’s required in the moment to bring about correction and considering everyone else instead of my fear.

When and as I see myself having to call someone or notify someone, or inform someone about appointments/meetings that has to be re-arranged/scheduled, and I am postponing using my fear of them questioning my actions of why, and that I will not be able to explain to them the situation, I stop, I breathe, I instead focus on getting my story in line, preparing myself to tell the other person whats needed to be heard, instead of focussing on “I do not KNOW” as a way of keeping myself in my pattern deliberately just to protect myself and my comfort zone

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to NOT see and realize, that this is a point of choice, where I still believe that I have a choice, and to within this always postpone till the last minute, where there isn’t any choice anymore, when in fact, all that is being shown to me is that there never was any choice, I simply deluded myself, and to within this delusion of choice give away my authority, my power, within moving myself to do what needs to be done, and to then create dishonesty within me, where I then live within dishonesty, and thus create consequences of fear/anxiety and stress that then becomes my prison, where I am trapped within the experience of myself as it all being real, and to within this always repeat the pattern, never learning or changing for the best, to be my perfect self.

When and as I see myself going into the Illusion of choice in relation to changing schedules/arrangements with other people, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that I am postponing because I a creating reasons/justification within my mind that seems valid and real for why I am postponing, when in fact it’s just me deluding myself within the point, because the inevitable is that I have to do it, there is no other way, and thus I take a Breathe and I push myself to work with what’s here and not in my head.

When and as I see myself participating within the construct of choice, I stop, I breathe, I check for myself if there really is choice, and to self honestly look at what it is I am crating choice towards and why, whats the reason, whats the purpose behind it, why do I want choice, even when there isn’t any choice, because the facts stand, it's isn't es-capable, and to within this self-instigation in the moment follow the common sense and not the pattern, the trap of the usual, where make things difficult for myself, instead I make it simplistic for myself.

Day 440 - waiting till the last minute Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till the last minute to arrange meetings with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait up until the last minute to re-arrange meetings or appointments with people.

I forgive myself, That I have accepted and allowed myself, to wait till the last minute to call people or to notify people about changes in plans.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to compromise myself and others, though NOT considering both ends equally and one, within the arrangements, or appointments that has been made, and when they are being changed, and to within this, create a constant anxiety within me, in relation to what I know I should have been doing, Yet I postponed till the last minute.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to postpone notifying others about appointment or meetings that has to be changed, In the fear, that if I notify them, that they will react, or take it personally, or that I will be questioned about why, and using not knowing how to explain myself to them, and my situation as an excuse, I then instead go into resistance of doing it now, and thus postpone it till the last minute, when I have no choice but to go there.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to NOT see and realize, that this is a point of choice, where I still believe that I have a choice, and to within this always postpone till the last minute, where there isn’t any choice anymore, when in fact, all that is being shown to me is that there never was any choice, I simply deluded myself, and to within this delusion of choice give away my authority, my power, within moving myself to do what needs to be done, and to then create dishonesty within me, where I then live within dishonesty, and thus create consequences of fear/anxiety and stress that then becomes my prison, where I am trapped within the experience of myself as it all being real, and to within this always repeat the pattern, never learning or changing for the best, to be my perfect self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself within believing I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the illusion of choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that choice is a weakness within me, a trap that I fall for, a comfort zone that I do not realize as being a limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort as a way of hiding from my fears within the illusions of choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the truth of how I have deluded myself within choice, when, even in situation like where I have to call someone to tell them I can’t be there for a meeting, leave it till the last minute, as if I had a choice, when the truth and fact is I don’t – and thus now seeing the extend of how I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself with choice.

To be continued.

Day 439 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 4

Day 436 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 1.
Day 437 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 2.
Day 438 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part3.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the power words have for granted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge words as unimportant throughout my life and to thus never focus on developing my vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the vocabulary I do have as just not good enough for me to get round, never developing myself to be better and to be effective within the words I use and live.

When and as I see myself judging myself and my vocabulary as not being good enough for communicating, I stop, I breathe – I give myself a chance to explore myself and my vocabulary and to express myself as my vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my ego to run away from words and learning new words and to instead just rely on energy and focusing my words on jokes and talking bullshit and thus compromising effective communication.

When and as I see myself running away from learning new words/vocabulary, I stop, I breathe – I instead focus on what is here and to give it a try to push through the resistance and the self-limitations of what I have judged new vocabulary as.

When and as I see myself focusing using my words/vocabulary and my time and energy only on making jokes, as a way of avoiding using the words I know and can use but don’t want to just because my ego do not want to as a way of hiding my own potential from myself just to remain in my comfort zone, I stop I breathe – I give myself the time and breathing to put together my words/vocabulary and to speak them once I am clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine myself within learning new words and expanding my own vocabulary.

When and as I see myself undermining myself within learning new words/vocabulary – I stop, I breathe, instead I give myself the time and the breathes I have to go there and to learn new words/vocabulary and to stop the inferiority position I am creating and accepting and allowing within myself a the words I live as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me learning new words and vocabulary as my demise as it conflicts with my self-belief – and to within this never push myself to expand.

When and as I see myself learning new words and it meaning the end of myself as y ego as the limitations and inferiority position I have taken on within myself as my ego to have the ego as my personality where I use not knowing words as a personality trait that keeps me as the ego intact – I stop, I breathe - I see and realize the pattern/reasons/justification and why I have them as the ego, and thus I take self responsibility for myself and my own creation of who I am, and to within this not accept and allow myself to exist as the limited ego and all that keeps the ego in place and to push myself beyond and learn new words/vocabulary – as the words I know are the words I live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the self-belief I have of myself as who I am within not learning new words/vocabulary. Seeing and realizing the resistance I have towards learning new words/vocabulary is the mind protecting itself within the personality design.

When and as I see that I am resisting to learn new words/vocabulary – I stop, I breathe – I see and realize that it is the mind protecting itself through not wanting to go there, thus I Breathe and move myself regardless of the resistance that is here till I have proven to myself that the resistance is but a resistance and does not mean anything I would make myself belief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am the personality that I have assumed since child where I belief that I am not capable of learning new words/vocabulary and to within this belief actually not learn new words/vocabulary – seeing and realizing that it’s not real but only me making/creating it to be real within my actions and attitude towards it.

When and as I see myself having an attitude of limitation within my actions towards learning new words/vocabulary, I stop, I breathe, I change my attitude to be that of expansion of self-perfection of not living as the limited me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the trap of personality designs of myself and to delude myself that they are real and Who I Am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear learning new words/vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that even if I do learn of a new word that I will just forget it, and to within this already give up and not learn new words.

When and as I see myself being in fear when I have to learn new words/vocabulary, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that being in fear towards the point is me as my being, being contaminated by a chemical reaction within my body that then overwrites the actual ability as the body as me as the physical to actually learn quantum time with no fear, no fear needed at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not push myself to learn new words/vocabulary based on the belief that it will just be a waste of time, because I will just not remember and forget, and thus it’s not worth me.

When and as I see myself in a mood or state of not pushing myself to learn new words/vocabulary based on a self-belief I have of myself as not being able/capable of learning new vocabulary, I stop, I breath, realizing that this self-belief that I am continuing to direct me is keeping me in a state of never going there, never even considering to push myself, not even seeing that vocabulary is important till it is to,late, and thus I move myself, I direct myself to deliberately expand and grow my words/vocabulary as a result of growing and expanding myself.

Day 438 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 3.

Day 438 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 1

Day 438 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the power words have for granted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge words as unimportant throughout my life and to thus never focus on developing my vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the vocabulary I do have as just god enough for me to get round, never developing myself to be better and to be effective within the words I use and live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my ego to run away from words and learning new words and to instead just rely on energy and focusing my words on jokes and talking bullshit and thus compromising effective communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine myself within learning new words and expanding my own vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me learning new words and vocabulary as my demise as it conflicts with my self-belief – and to within this never push myself to expand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the self-belief I have of myself as who I am within not learning new words/vocabulary. Seeing and realizing the resistance I have towards learning new words/vocabulary is the mind protecting itself within the personality design.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am the personality that I have assumed since child where I belief that I am not capable of learning new words/vocabulary and to within this belief actually not learn new words/vocabulary – seeing and realizing that it’s not real but only me making/creating it to be real within my actions and attitude towards it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the trap of personality designs of myself and to delude myself that they are real and Who I Am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear learning new words/vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that even if I do learn of a new word that I will just forget it, and to within this already give up and not learn new words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see and realize that it isn’t my ability that is influencing me learning words/vocabulary, but that it is the fear I have towards learning new words/vocabulary that affects me in learning and then keeps the self-belief alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make words more then who I am, and to within this thus separate myself from the words and placing them higher and above me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist new words in the fear of not learning them and just forgetting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not push myself to learn new words/vocabulary based on the belief that it will just be a waste of time, because I will just not remember and forget, and thus it’s not worth me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am not worth a better vocabulary and learning new words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not belief that my own self-worth is more then what I am currently accepting and allowing for myself to exist as.

To be continued.

Day 437 – Frustration, communication and words Part2

continuation of Day 436 - Frustration, communication and words Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated when I do not find the words to express myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up frustration through losing my words through thinking within the mind and building up energy that then directs me, instead of me breathing and directing myself as the words I decide to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to communicate with others from the starting point of energy as the mind as me only then expressing a limited form of what I want to, as I am then only following the energy path way – instead of letting go of energy and opening/expanding myself to what is here as me as the physical expressing the words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Blame others for my frustration within points of communication when the communication isn’t effective and not getting the points through,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that frustration is something that happens to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that frustration is an indication that it is the other person that is the problem, never getting to the solution as I leave the responsibility with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the responsibility of me becoming/making myself frustrated with the other person, seeing and realizing I am dis-empowering myself from stopping and changing the point of frustration and to move forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that participating within frustration from the point of victimizing myself within it, I am creating a cycle of the same patterns happening over and over as I am not taking self-responsibility and change who I am with myself within communication and words/vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the words for not simply being here, and to separate myself from the words, seeing and realizing how I am placing the words out there – instead of being here as breathe and thus the words also being here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from words as something that I must fear and to within the point of communicating with others then experience anxiety/fear while communicating, as NOT having the words and to within this rather give attention to the fear and not what’s here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated with the anxiety/fear of not having the words to communicate effectively with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with how others are communicating and to within this judge how they are comparing as something that comes naturally to them, not seeing that how others are communicating when they are effective is due to them actually giving it the time and practice to become who they are and living it, and thus I see and realize that this is what I must give myself equally and to not be frustrated within the process but rather focus on bettering myself and becoming effectively, being okay with mistakes and then correcting myself, as this is only possible in each breathe when I am not within energy and trapped within a pattern/cycle.
To be continued

Day 436 – Frustration - communication and words. Part 1

In writing and in speaking, I am just not getting my point through – in my head it is and then was as clear as it can be, when I open up my mouth, I lose focus and I lose the point.

This I see is due to me speaking from energy, instead of slowing down and speaking with following the points that’s here, the sequence and basically how they are all connected – having the words/vocabulary to express these points are also necessary.

I do have the vocabulary and the words within me – I can use the words and see them within myself, but as soon as I speak, it’s gone. I can’t find the word.

And this happens quite coincidentally around specific people as well, mostly people that I find I have judged as more than myself, and who I have placed above me in my mind, people who I belief I have to show something, proof something, and this is an contaminated relationship I have within myself with others.

This is due to me getting all excited about my finding/seeing and then I just can’t wait to express it, and then I speak from this excitement/reaction and the energy just floods it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I speak get all excited about what I am about to say, and to within this not keep my breathing stable and to loose the information that is here and to go with the energy as a reaction.

When and as I see myself going into energy/excitement/reaction when I am about to speak, I stop I breathe, I slow myself down and I keep to what is here, as the words and the relevant information and to speak in breathe each word at a time as myself, and to basically learn how to speak properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse excitement as energy as something positive, when I can se the outcome isn’t positive when I follow through on speaking from energy as excitement, but instead compromising myself and my words, and thus what I live.

When and as I see myself within a point of excitement as energy – I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that the excitement that I have judged as positive isn’t what it seems to be, I instead breathe and let go of the excitement and follow through on speaking only once I am clear in the moment, or to move myself out of the energy while speaking slow and breathing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I am the creator of my own frustration in moment of communicating with others when and as I follow excitement/energy as a positive judgment of that energy, which compromised my communication as the words I speak and how I speak them, and to instead lose focus and direction and miss the point.

When and as I see myself being in a state of positive energy as excitement before communicating, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that this positive energy that I want to blindly follow is only positive because of what I have made it within my mind and experiences, and that the actual reality of it is me compromising myself for a quick fix of seeing if I can win – winning within my words, thus rushing for the end goal, instead of breathing and flowing through each word at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge the word excitement as positive based on past memories with which I defined the energy with/as and to within this only see the energy experience and wanting that, not seeing the physical timeline outflow of participating within excitement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump into conversation and to make it something that must be excited or else it’s a waste of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that a conversation that isn’t excited or fun is a waste of my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my time within not slowing down and breathing and to be aware of my words and following through with what I want to say, through rushing in and out and to then never get to the point or the point being directed, and thus becoming frustrated with myself and within myself.

When and as I see that I am approaching a conversation within the starting point of it must be fun and excitement – I stop, I breathe, I slow down and I focus on my breathing where I make myself the directive principle within all things considered and where I make the decision within myself to change the starting point of approaching the conversation as my words as me as that which is best for all life, where each word is accounted for.

Day 435 – Fear – False Evidence Appearing Real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “make up” evidence within my mind of why the fear I am experiencing is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief the false Evidence as thoughts that I have within my mind when and as I am faced with talking with new people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that thoughts that I have about others within my mind is “evidence” for why I must fear others.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the thoughts I have about others exist only in my mind and thus isn’t evidence at all, but made up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts about other people based on bits and pieces of information I have about them or that I have obtained from them and to then create thoughts from the information/memories and to give it forth to myself in my mind as Evidence for why I must fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the same thoughts over and over within my mind that I have about/towards others and to then starts believing these thoughts and to create fear, a I have not though physically integrating the thought’s within and as my body though repetition made them seem real because I am experiencing it physically, and then to fool myself into believing its real.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have repeated the same thoughts I have about/towards people over and over in my head till I physically integrated them as ME as who I am to a point where I am experiencing the thoughts physically as energy, and in this case fear, and to then belief it to be real, not seeing and realizing that I created it and made it real only within myself and how I am experiencing myself – and that in fact its only existing within me and not about the other person/people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat thoughts I have within myself about others from a point of fear, over and over within myself, making it real and manifesting it as my body to a point where the fear is real in my body and mind, yet in reality as the one dimension we all share it isn’t real and none existing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I have ONE thought about/towards another to belief that this thought must mean something, and to then entertain the thought through repeating it over and over in my mind till I made it meaning something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create/make others something to fear though making/creating it within myself within my mind as the thoughts that I keep repeating/entertaining within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as I have a thought about another to belief that it must be Valid, because I had the thought, it must be indicating something, and to within this fall into the rabbit hole, instead of Not going there and breathing and working with what’s here physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make Life more difficult living with other humans and other beings here on earth through existing only to protect self-interest as my feelings/thoughts/personalities and to within this way of living always fall for the thoughts that I have to create fear as a way of protecting my self-interest, my own bubble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather focus on the thoughts I have instead of the physical points of participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts about myself, where these thoughts as Judgments in its design, and where judgments are always from a point of separation and thus fear, and to always place myself in a position of fear from the self-judgments I have and then creating judgments in comparison towards/about others.

To be Continued.

Day – 434 – Oh shit, I forgot to LIVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly prepare myself to live, instead of living.

When and as I see myself preparing myself to live – I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am here I am alive, and there is no need to make more out of it and to simply be here and LIVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in a constant state of anxiety/fear as my experience while preparing my future in my thoughts all the time and how to live, instead of living here in each breathe.

When and as I am in fear/anxiety – I stop, I breathe – I check myself and what is it that I am preparing myself for to LIVE and why and to launch a full detailed self-investigation and to deconstruct the mind and what I am participating within in the moment and to bring myself back to the Physical in each breathe though understanding that what I am experiencing is NEVER real and just made up.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to LIVE, to be here as breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see that I have been stuck in my thoughts and my experience of myself as fear/anxiety as a result of the thoughts I have about living and what I want to live instead of being here as breathe alive/living.

When and as I see myself thinking and being in thoughts about the next moment/second or further into the future about what I want to live and how and where and when and why, I stop, I breathe – I realize that this isn’t living but just me creating fear/anxiety and a prison for myself to not live but only to protect self-interest and limitations as one’s own mind/ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort within the fear/anxiety, within the belief that the fear/anxiety as the result of the thoughts I have are keeping me save. Not seeing and realizing that they are actually keeping me a prisoner of my own mind.

When and as I see myself creating fear through participating within thoughts from the belief that I am doing this to keep myself save, I stop, I breathe - I realize that I am creating the fear/anxiety and thus the problem within myself first, and thus once I have created the problem as the fear/anxiety within myself, that all I can see outside myself are problems as everything I see and do will be from the point of fear – instead of physical considerations and practicality in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to LIVE a definition of the word live – where the definition is built on fear and limitation within the mind as the thoughts/feelings/emotions I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word LIVE as something that has to happen within fear/anxiety and constant thoughts/feelings/emotions existing within self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Define the word LIVE from what I experience within myself as the thoughts/feelings/emotions I have within the belief that I can only live and be alive if I am experiencing something – does not matter if it’s negative or positive.

When and as I see that I am within an positive/negative experience of myself within the Idea/belief that this energy within me means I am alive, I stop, I breathe – I realize that this experience within me is actually indicating that I am not alive and just a robot reacting on the input given to me through electrical circuits within my body coming from the input I receive from outside of myself as stimulation, instead of me directing each moment as a living being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach an IDEA to the definition of the word LIVE - that LIVING must be a positive experience, otherwise I am not living.

When and as I find myself telling myself that I am alive when and as I am in a positive experience of myself, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that this is me bullshitting myself as I know its just energy and will wear off and then what?? I am dead lol. – seeing and realizing that I am alive and living when I am here breathing and not dependent on any energy to give me a high or a low as an experience, simply hold my breath for ten seconds and see what matters the most. Energy or a single breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea that LIVING must be a positive experience and as long as I am not positive I am not alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to LIMIT myself within defining living as something that must be positive or negative, seeing and realizing that if I redefine living to a physical practical doing as who I am in each breathe and not as something where I seek Energy, then I am alive and always living and all that’s required for me is to determine myself in each moment and who I am as the directive principle instead of waiting or depending on an experience to decide for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to EXPECT a certain Idea about myself to become real first before I can say I am alive and living, seeing and realizing that this Idea/expectation will always change in time and never be what I seek in the moment and thus I am creating a state of depression for myself – instead of living here in each breathe within what’s HERE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not LIVE in each breathe as each breath’s support in the physical that’s not dependent on an experience but a physical application and movement.

Day 433 – Indicators to reach Self-Perfection.

Is it possible to reach self-Perfection? Now I am not talking about self-perfection like when you take a look in the mirror and wanting to see self-perfection as a Picture.

I am talking about self-perfection as self, as who I am and who you are and then what I do and what you do.

Now, the question has been, how do I know what to do and to change to reach self-perfection? Where do I start and what is the indicator’s I must look out for to know what I must do and when and how?
First of all, I realized that I have to be serious about reaching self-perfection; I had to make a decision within myself that I am going to move and direct myself to self-perfection and within that, it takes time, dedication and effort and thus patience yet movement.

and realizing that I cannot do this alone, this is why earth is such a awesome place, everything has consequences and feedback and thus a chance to correct and learn and self-realize, not just because there are humans here, but because everything is Here as the physical.  

This decision within self/myself I had to make first, because this is where I establish the relationship with myself, and who I will be within what comes next, the indicators that will indicate where and what I must do and when.

BUT before I go into what the indicators are I want to bring up another point to consider on self-perfection, to take into account, self-perfection isn’t what people believe it to be, we all have this idea attached to “perfection” in itself, these are two different things, self-perfection is about self and my/your reality/world that you/I participate within and who we are within it.

Thus SELF-PERFECTION is about self, not other people, not about judgment and comparisons; it is something we do for ourselves all ways regardless of what others say/think. It is perfecting self.

Back to the indicators: the indicators can be seen and be explained in many ways – I like to always give a “personal example” to give people a concept to understand and to see for themselves in their own life a similar point.

So here is my example, a very simple daily thing.

Every day in my house there are these things all around the house called Dishes – Humans use these things on a daily basis more than ones, I myself understand the frustration of wanting to reach for a cup to have some coffee and then there isn’t any cups, not even one, I look to the sink and I see, OH they are all dirty, so I know I am a culprit in this, if I wasn’t, then there would have been a clean cup every now and then, the one I washed, but I didn’t, just like everyone else, we tend to do what everyone else is doing, so it must be normal, because they are doing it, it means they are accepting and allowing it and thus I can do it. because now they will not be angry at me for not doing it, so we are all now stuck in this “silent agreement” that no one has to do their own dishes and we will all just “enjoy” life till someone has to do the accumulated dishes, its standing like everywhere on the counter.

So I took it upon myself to do all my dishes, not as a way to be righteous or spiteful or to back up a future conflict where I can stand in the “right” and not in the wrong and make everyone else feel shitty.

NO – it started this way, I made an agreement with myself to work towards self-perfection – for myself, so what happened after every cup of coffee or after every plate of food, I would finish the coffee or food and I would walk to the sink and I would find that there isn’t any space to place my dishes – But there was another way, and it was like the only way, it was really a very clear indicator for me what had to happen next – I had to actually wash my own dishes and dry it off and put it away, because the only space left was the space we made for them to stay, in the cupboard and clean.

But that wasn’t the real indicator, that was just a accumulated point of consequences and now the INNER ME as who I am as that which determines what I do was exposed to me, and the reasons behind why I always just wanted to put my plate or cup down and Go.

These indicators came up within me in that moment when I did not find a space to place my dishes, it was a reaction, a thought and then there was this thing called resistance, and then the resistance showed me as a mini projector playing in my head what needs to happen next, which was me seeing myself washing my dishes and drying them off and placing them in the cupboard – and then why I did not want to do it. This revealed a point of Laziness and a point of inconvenience and thus comfort-zone.

Let me give you another example if that one wasn’t to clear: I was fetching a bottle for myself from the store room and another one for another person, I saw that they were both full of dust and needed to be washed, so I went to the house, I knew I had to wash my bottle now, and I had the thought of washing the other persons bottle as well, but I had this resistance of doing it, because it’s the other persons bottle so he must wash it himself, so as I went to the person I handed over his bottle, But I did it feeling guilty, because I knew that I was going to wash my bottle and could have just washed his as well, but instead went against what I knew. So I started washing my bottle and the other person says to me, so why are you not also washing my bottle, I mean you must have known it needed to be washed before we could use it, yet you give it back to me dirty and full of dust but you will wash only yours? Then I laugh from a guilty conscious and said, I knew it, I wanted to do it but instead went against it, and I took the bottle and I washed it as well.

See the point of self-perfection is to do what you Know you must be doing, not what I think you must be doing, what you know you must be doing, there is a difference, thinking what you must be doing it where the mind is making decisions on made up stuff, Knowing what you need to do it real time real physical things that is here, it isn’t deniable and its haunting – it’s like walking past the cat food bowl and seeing its empty and just going, It needs to be filled, YET leaving it because apparently its someone else’s job, and then a week later the cat is dead, and then you go, I knew it.

The indicators are usually in the forms of resistance and then the moments of KNOWING what you must be doing, instead of what one is doing, its these things that if one starts doing it you will find yourself changing in a way that’s not predictable, because they are moment to moment dependent, breathe by breathe – unless its set stuff, scheduled, they are also just important but it’s not getting to the scheduled things that later on create the same moments where one goes, I knew I should have don’t that.

So how does this lead to self-perfection? Well it’s about self, it’s about you, it’s about me and who we are and what we are capable of doing that is best for ALL life in our own self change/perfection. 
Where we perfect ourselves as who we are in each breathe. Which is something we all still need to discover, yes it’s not impossible because it’s not picture related, it’s not energy related, it’s not limited to mind fantasies and imaginations, its physical living, which we all can do and perfect ourselves within.

It is those moments when you know – when you see it’s something you resist doing, when its compassionate, when its considerate when it’s not within self-interest, when it’s not about just self, when its more and beyond self, where one has to move to, where one has to let go of the limitations and the excuses and the justifications and the self-righteous reasons/logic/back-chat and where ones expands oneself in each breathe in each moment and where one becomes the universe, as you in reverse.

FYI – don’t confuse this with when you “think” I should probably go to that party now, because its been on my mind all night that I should probably go But I am not because I am resisting being with that other person etc, NO – remember the difference between thinking and knowing, knowing is, when even if there is a party going on that you are not going to – you KNOW you are staying home because you KNOW you must stop drinking and rather do some work around the house, which has been avoided through going to parties all the time – For Examples sake.