Day 599 – there is NO happy ending pre-programmed Day 2 of 21

Excuse me if this blog comes through as angry or aggressive or whatever else you as the reader may experience, but this is how I talk in real life sometimes with people about these matters. Just not with energy behind it. The words and how I express them really brings the reality of the points forth for me to not fall in any illusion about what I am saying.

I found this hidden point within me, where I still believe that there is somehow a happy ending at the end of all of this, what if there is no happy ending, what if the only possible way for any happy ending is literally if everyone walks the Desteni Process? Then we are currently fucked. Haha (just a point of consideration) not to demotivate, but instead to motivate. To realize the commitment and walking and standing of myself. There is NO ending to this till we all have CREATED a happy ending, not waiting for pre-programming to lay out a happy ending that requires us to wait, which shows what? We are fucked, because then we are just going the same way as now. No different. And it starts with self-forgiveness, self –correcting, becoming the Virus of correction within one’s own life and environment for LIFE, oneness and equality as a living example.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as if there is going to be a fucking happy ending as the movies has taught me how shit works, no matter how shitty it gets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is a happy ending for me in this story called LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as if everything is going to be okay for ME ONLY, while BILLIONS suffer on this exact same planet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can live my life and forget about everything else in this world because there is apparently NO matter what I do a fucking happy ending at the end of this story of mine.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to SEE and realEYES that Death is everyone’s ending and it isn’t happy, and at death we do not leave the shit behind that we have accepted and allowed as ourselves as this world, as above so below, as within so without, there is NO fucking escaping and no happy ending UNLESS I give up the mind and stand as life for all life in oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the illusions that has been sold to me on TV and Movies where no matter how much war or fighting or struggling happens there is always a ending where shit is happy and working again, which is not what will happen in this planet in reality, how the fuck do you reverse the damage you have done to your MOTHER earth? It requires YEARS if not decades of correction and deliberate change, there is NO fucking magical way to fix it, there is no government that is going to fix it, there is no secret society that is going to fix it, there is YOU and me waking up and fixing it right now and HERE as we are capable but we have a problem, the mind is in the way, it is our fucking god. We can’t stop consuming, we can’t stop even the thoughts, and how are we going to change? Where is this happy ending?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a fairy tale movie that has been sold to me where the end of the world is coming closer but somehow I can remain calm, somehow I still believe that there is a fucking happy ending????

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a thing as a happy ending at all, when a child can be sold as a sex slave and be raped to death by the age of 7, where is the fucking happy ending?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there will be a happy ending ONLY for me, what a selfish cunt, while my mother earth is dying, in fact I can see it, there is no place or space for a happy ending, MY fucking earth that I live on is being molested and raped by the people that gives power to the systems that are here, you and me. Take responsibility.

I forgive myself that haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the TRUE extend to what we are fucked and that there is NO happy ending in this story, it isn’t pre-programmed and I cannot rely on a pre-written script to just play on everyday as who I am as what I live and what I stand for as self-interest and the mind, I must stand up HERE not tomorrow, I must reach my fellow humans NOW not tomorrow, I must stand as the change HERE not tomorrow, I must stand as LONG as it takes till there is a fucking happy ending created and here, but the signs for that is so slim and non-visible – there is no hope at all, get real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in an isolated fairy tale where I can blind myself to reality and live only for my happy ending, yet missing everything that is burning and suffering around me, as if my happy ending is the ending LOL, after every happy “ending” the story continues and the shit is still here and I must stand up and face it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to GIVE up for the sake of a happy ending just for me and to forget about all of me as earth/life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about everything and to only focus on my fairy-tale happy ending. Till something happens to me, then I suddenly want to change shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that IF I do not stand and give up my fairy-tale idea/dream pre-programmed shit then I cannot expect anyone else to do so, and thus I am accepting and allowing the end of Life as we know it with everyone else, for illusion happy endings.

Day 441 - Waiting till the last minute Part 2

Day 440 - Waiting till the last minute Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till the last minute to arrange meetings with people.

When and as I see myself going into the pattern of waiting till “later as the last minute, I stop, I breathe, I consider what’s here and my action, to see if they are within consideration of the moment or that of energy as ego, and to assess my actions and the consequences of them, to from this point re-evaluate my decision and take a different path, the path of correction and apply myself within what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait up until the last minute to re-arrange meetings or appointments with people.

When and as I see myself waiting and waiting to make a phone call to someone where I have to re-arrange a meeting or an appointment, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am in a pattern again, where I am now thinking the whole time instead of doing, and that doing it easier and takes much less energy and time then thinking about re-arranging things with other people, and thus I move myself to use my energy productively and get the points out of my head.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to wait till the last minute to call people or to notify people about changes in plans.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to compromise myself and others, though NOT considering both ends equally and one, within the arrangements, or appointments that has been made, and when they are being changed, and to within this, create a constant anxiety within me, in relation to what I know I should have been doing, Yet I postponed till the last minute.

When and as I see that I am in the pattern of waiting up until the last minute to call people to re-arrange meetings or schedules, even if something unpredictable happened, I stop, I breathe, I do not wait till the last minute to notify the others, I pick up my phone or use any form of communication I have to contact the other person, as I see and realize that this is me actually considering both ends, as I would have liked for myself, thus seeing and realizing that when I do onto another as I would have liked to be done onto, I do not create anxiety/stress for myself, but instead I build my self-respect and honor.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to postpone notifying others about appointment or meetings that has to be changed, In the fear, that if I notify them, that they will react, or take it personally, or that I will be questioned about why, and using not knowing how to explain myself to them, and my situation as an excuse, I then instead go into resistance of doing it now, and thus postpone it till the last minute, when I have no choice but to go there.

When and as I see myself creating fear towards having to call people to re-arrange meetings or appointment and using the “justifications” and “excuses” of that here might be reactions or they might take it personally, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that this is my fear and not the reality of what is here and what might happen or not, and that I am only creating these fears to postpone and not take full self-responsibility for my actions/words, and thus I now instead direct myself to focus on what here and not my fear, and to move accordingly within the practical steps that’s required in the moment to bring about correction and considering everyone else instead of my fear.

When and as I see myself having to call someone or notify someone, or inform someone about appointments/meetings that has to be re-arranged/scheduled, and I am postponing using my fear of them questioning my actions of why, and that I will not be able to explain to them the situation, I stop, I breathe, I instead focus on getting my story in line, preparing myself to tell the other person whats needed to be heard, instead of focussing on “I do not KNOW” as a way of keeping myself in my pattern deliberately just to protect myself and my comfort zone

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to NOT see and realize, that this is a point of choice, where I still believe that I have a choice, and to within this always postpone till the last minute, where there isn’t any choice anymore, when in fact, all that is being shown to me is that there never was any choice, I simply deluded myself, and to within this delusion of choice give away my authority, my power, within moving myself to do what needs to be done, and to then create dishonesty within me, where I then live within dishonesty, and thus create consequences of fear/anxiety and stress that then becomes my prison, where I am trapped within the experience of myself as it all being real, and to within this always repeat the pattern, never learning or changing for the best, to be my perfect self.

When and as I see myself going into the Illusion of choice in relation to changing schedules/arrangements with other people, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that I am postponing because I a creating reasons/justification within my mind that seems valid and real for why I am postponing, when in fact it’s just me deluding myself within the point, because the inevitable is that I have to do it, there is no other way, and thus I take a Breathe and I push myself to work with what’s here and not in my head.

When and as I see myself participating within the construct of choice, I stop, I breathe, I check for myself if there really is choice, and to self honestly look at what it is I am crating choice towards and why, whats the reason, whats the purpose behind it, why do I want choice, even when there isn’t any choice, because the facts stand, it's isn't es-capable, and to within this self-instigation in the moment follow the common sense and not the pattern, the trap of the usual, where make things difficult for myself, instead I make it simplistic for myself.

Day 440 - waiting till the last minute Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till the last minute to arrange meetings with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait up until the last minute to re-arrange meetings or appointments with people.

I forgive myself, That I have accepted and allowed myself, to wait till the last minute to call people or to notify people about changes in plans.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to compromise myself and others, though NOT considering both ends equally and one, within the arrangements, or appointments that has been made, and when they are being changed, and to within this, create a constant anxiety within me, in relation to what I know I should have been doing, Yet I postponed till the last minute.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to postpone notifying others about appointment or meetings that has to be changed, In the fear, that if I notify them, that they will react, or take it personally, or that I will be questioned about why, and using not knowing how to explain myself to them, and my situation as an excuse, I then instead go into resistance of doing it now, and thus postpone it till the last minute, when I have no choice but to go there.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to NOT see and realize, that this is a point of choice, where I still believe that I have a choice, and to within this always postpone till the last minute, where there isn’t any choice anymore, when in fact, all that is being shown to me is that there never was any choice, I simply deluded myself, and to within this delusion of choice give away my authority, my power, within moving myself to do what needs to be done, and to then create dishonesty within me, where I then live within dishonesty, and thus create consequences of fear/anxiety and stress that then becomes my prison, where I am trapped within the experience of myself as it all being real, and to within this always repeat the pattern, never learning or changing for the best, to be my perfect self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself within believing I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the illusion of choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that choice is a weakness within me, a trap that I fall for, a comfort zone that I do not realize as being a limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort as a way of hiding from my fears within the illusions of choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the truth of how I have deluded myself within choice, when, even in situation like where I have to call someone to tell them I can’t be there for a meeting, leave it till the last minute, as if I had a choice, when the truth and fact is I don’t – and thus now seeing the extend of how I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself with choice.

To be continued.

Day 355 – Mirage of Self Part 5

 Day 352 - Mirage of self Part 4

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Make how I look and how I present myself to always be for others, instead of making it for myself and who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Dress according to what other people like and only what other people like, and to disregard myself and what I can decide I like and what is comfortable with my body, - (outside of the work place for practical purposes).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use cloths to create a mirage of myself, instead of using cloths for the practical purposes only such as when I am at work, or when I am at home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about what I am wearing once I have gotten feedback from others on what they accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only wear clothes or walk a certain way or to stand in a certain position once I have gotten acceptance and allowance form others that it is all fitting an image and likeness of the mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that the way I am living currently where I have to dress myself only according to what other people are accepting and allowing or where I can walk and talk and act certain ways only when others are accepting and allowing it, and that who I am is always less then, or that who I am naturally is always a fuck up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the way I dress and the way I walk and talk and how I behave around certain people all comes from what I have been taught within my first seven years of my life, through observing and through actually being forced into certain scenarios and events where behaviors and manner and ways or walking and talking and dressing is a custom so to say, and that through all these events I have come to create multiple mirages to give forth to people what I want them to believe/think of me, instead of who I am as the physical where I dress and where I walk and talk and behave because I have self-respect/self/honor and that the way I dress and walk and talk is always supporting the physical and practical and supporting my body instead of an image and likeness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I must be a different person, or simply give forth a mirage of myself depending on where I am and with who I am, seeing and realizing that this in the long term will have schizophrenia effects on me as I am training my body through my mind to split itself a lot into many mirages for many different events and people etc.

To be continued.

Day 352 – Mirage of self, Part 4

As a Kid, I was taught how to behave when I am in certain people’s presence, I was taught and shown how to behave when I am for instance with family members, or with other people such as strangers, and I was taught how to behave specifically with certain people within the family, like with my grandparents I had very specific manners and words I had to use and not use.

So I can see that I have been raised from childhood to give forth a image and that giving forth an image is more important than being yourself and enjoying yourself.

I was taught to not run and to play and to do things when and as I am with other people I do not know, I was taught to use good words/language and not to say the naughty words and to only be kind and polite, to not be honest and straight forward, because I might hurt the other peoples feeling or that I might disrespect them.

I was taught that I am not allowed to wear clothes that I am comfortable in but rather that I must wear clothes that are acceptable and nice looking for others.

Here I am looking at what I was taught within my first seven years, as I can recall some memories of events that occurred where this was imprinted as an experience, yet the actual teaching of it all happened in subtle moments, it happened within direct actions of the parents, where there was no choice, because the cloths was bought or me, I never decided on it, so within that very action I was already dressed as only being an Image and an Likeness, someone that must be presented as an Image and be liked as an image.

This is how I have been raised, yet there was those moments when I had cloths that I enjoyed and that was comfortable and that I could play within and be “Me” so to say, yet I have a memory of when such a moment was taken away from me because the cloths I was wearing that I enjoyed and that was comfortable was to Old and ugly and it was looking dirty and it was ripped on certain spots, so it wasn’t presenting a Image that is liked by others.

I see within my growing up, my first seven years that it was all about OTHER people, and that everything I do must be for other people, how I look must be for other people, how I speak and what I speak must be for other people, not within consideration of other people, that is a different story, it was to NOT speak as myself as being direct and honest and open, it was to HIE all the real stuff and keep it locked in and just look a certain way and present myself a certain way.

So why did I have to look a certain way and present myself a certain way when I was but only a young kid, because the parents believed that the kid looking good and presenting themselves good means they are good parents. Lol.

It was never even done for ME, it was and has always been for self-interest, the starting point was always for the self-interest of the parents themselves and their image and likeness, and now it is forced onto me as an image and likeness, and this is how I have learned to become a mirage, a presentation, instead of actually developing myself as a actual living being, where it isn’t necessary to hide fear, but to instead literally have no fear.
To be Continued.

Day 351 - Mirage of self Part 3

Day 349 - Mirage of self Part 1
Day 350 - Mirage of self Part 2

How did I create the thoughts/feeling/emotions within me in relation to the mirage of myself, what was it in my past that I believed that I need to have a mirage.

As I have seen for myself, thoughts/feelings/emotions does not just come from no where, they are first created through an experience, a physical event that takes place within the physical, where the mind then on a quantum mind level take all the information and store it within the physical, and thus creating a memory, as it is always in relation to survival.

So I see that the mind as consciences creates memories through events that have a experience added to it, then this experience becomes the thoughts/feelings/emotions, because the thoughts are like a trigger button, when and as the thought come up the motions/feelings comes next that then charges the mind consciences system and thus have behaviors in and as the physical.

so looking at my behaviors when and as I am within a Mirage of myself I can trace back the thoughts/feelings/emotions and thus find the origin point as the memories.

I see and realize that the memories will be of multiple layers as I simply create more and more memories daily as I am living as this mirage within and as the constant experience that triggers the thoughts and thus the behavior.

I do not see the memories and thus I am going to start with looking at what is here, and this is the behavior and the thoughts and the feelings and the emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as Strong and stable within my physical posture when and as I am around other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Behave within my movements and my stance and the way I talk as the opposite of what I experience within me, seeing and realizing that when and as i behave as the opposite of that which exist within me that I am validating the inner experience/reality of myself as real and to have dominance over me and my behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave confident as speaking louder and moving faster and creating a pretending smile on my face to give the impression of confidence being present, when and as I am actually just giving a mirage of myself, seeing and realizing that within such behavior I am creating a polarity of what it means to be confident and what means not to be confident, and thus when and as i am not speaking louder and moving faster and having a smile on my face that it must mean I can not or should not or am not confident, yet it is all defined as such through my own definitions that I created through participating within such behaviors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give forth that I am able to do anything within my behavior as being that which i desire to be of what i have seen within my reality from others behaviors as what behaviors means such as No fear and having self confidence and being strong and so forth, and thus only becoming a picture presentation of that as I have only seen it as pictures and interpreted it as what it was given forth to be, instead of becoming fearless and building self confidence in fact as who I am, seeing and realizing that I did it from a survival starting point, instead of a self creation point as who I am within what is best for all life.

To be continued.

Day 350 - Mirage of self Part 2

Day 349 - Mirage of self Part 1

reading Bernard Blog from today, I red about how it is pointless so to say writing and doing self forgiveness on point where I only keep on doing self forgiveness or writing in response to emotions and feelings an thoughts that I experience and that is within me, because the thoughts and the feelings/emotions is already a product so to say of something else.

And it was said within common sense that if one do not understand the creation process of the thoughts/feelings emotions then how can one possibly understand thoughts/feeling and emotions and so in return stop them.

Because I see that if and when I only do self forgiveness on the emotions/feelings and thoughts the whole time without fully understanding how I created them that I am within such actions accepting and allowing the thoughts to still be ME, when they are not me.

But to understand that the thoughts and the feelings/emotions are not me I have to obviously first understand how they are created and how I have created them, unless I do not understand the creation process of the thoughts/feelings/emotions I have I will always accept and allow them to be apparently me.

So how do I understand how I created and create thoughts/feelings/emotions and accept and allow them as me, as a believe of myself, as a religion of myself.

I am bringing this point that I have realized from Bernard's blog into this blog on the current topic of the mirage of myself, because I saw that I was doing this point once again as a response to the thoughts/feelings/emotions that I already have had and accepted and allowed as myself, and thus confirming to myself that I do not understand yet how I have created them. Did I even create them? Why did I create them? How did I create them, that is the one I will focus on, the how.

I want to use this topic, this blog and the blogs to come on the mirage of self to make it clear for myself, to give to myself the understanding,, to really get this point clear, I can obviously not do it on myself, I will listen to interviews that is in-relation to the point at hand of thoughts/feelings.emotions creation and accordingly apply myself,

Day 349 - Mirage of self Part 1

Dictionary Definition for mirage is.
Something that appears to be real or possible but is not.

Is who I present myself to be really who I am, or is it just how I appear to be, do I appear the way I make myself appear to others to give the Impression that I am possible of doing specific certain things, as a way to impose onto others.

I have been observing myself for years, I am participated as myself for years while being aware of all the inner realities and whats happening while participating in the real reality as the physical.

What I have notices is that when and as I face reality as the physical in each and every moment that I am in a constant friction, this friction is always me attempting to keep up a mirage.

This mirage is to hide what is going on inside, it is to protect the inner experience and ultimately my self interest which is my inner reality as my thoughts/feelings/emotions.

The friction is interesting, because I experience myself one way within me while I am attempting to keep the mirage of the opposite of that which is within me, for instance, if I experience myself as unstable.emotional within me, I will give the mirage of me being stable and strong as being able to handle certain specific fears within me.

For instance, when and as I am in fear of conflict within me, I will pull a though face, and I will start speaking more and louder and making manly sound when I speak, to make me sound like conflict as to say to everyone in my environment that I am conflict, I can handle conflict and then I also start walking tougher, and I will stand straighter and chin up and all kinds of physical things to create the mirage.

The mirage is proven to be NOT real and Not possible once an actual event/scenario takes place where there is for instance conflict, and suddenly I lose it all and I become the experience within me, the fear and the emotions and the unstable.

This is only one mirage, because the entirety of me is a mirage, I fear myself and who I am within me as my feelings/emotions and thoughts so I really do not want them to come out, I really don't like to be moved and controlled by my feelings/emotions and thoughts, and the only way I have ever learned to keep it hidden throughout my life was to create a mirage to hide it all, and through the mirage I avoid having to face my inner reality, because I believe that as long as I keep the mirage and avoid facing the inner me, then I am save.

This keeps going in circles and the mirage simply upgrade or install new information to change and to mutilate and to change according to the environments input.

For example, I face conflict and I fail to live up to the mirage that gives the illusion that I am capable of facing conflict and after the event the mirage will simply change to something else to make myself seem still capable of facing conflict and that i am OKAY, I am fine, the conflict did not effect me. This isn't helping as I never face who I am within it, but instead hide behind a mirage.

Day 297 – Bubble worlds of escape.

I am diverting from Yesterdays blog to bring about this point that I have noticed and have been aware of for a long time, I haven’t been ready to write about it till today.

I woke up Half Past Four this morning to leave at Quarter past five for a Long trip to the Harbor of Durban, as a request from work to pick up certain people and bring them back to our shop.

So as always I like to ride in silence, meaning NO radio or Music or anything, and to be aware of my surroundings rather, me breathing and checking myself and whatever I am accepting and allowing within me and to purify with breathe as stopping.

I then decided to turn on the music; this was half an hour into the trip, since it was going to be a long trip still, and I listen to music without words mostly, which is what I prefer.

But as it turns out the CD was scratched and the music did not want to play, so I turned on the Radio instead – I breathe and listen to whatever they bring on.

It turns out they LOVE LOVE and LOVE playing the same songs over and over and over and over and keep saying that it is YOUR favorite songs that you voted on, obviously that isn’t so, but after a while I felt forced to like the song, I felt that I was not starting to experience the song.

I realized almost instantly hat i is a mind fuck happening, but as I saw that I wanted to PULL myself from it, I instead went into it, because I trust myself to be able to get out of whatever mind fuck I set myself into, I did this deliberately with me being the one directing it, I wanted to do it so that I can see what is here.

I accepted and allowed the music to flow through me, I allowed myself to go into the music and whatever experience it brings up.

I felt the song, i enjoyed the song, I was creating fantasy worlds and relationships and HOPES and dreams and Beliefs and Ideas and I was going nuts with this song and how I created this WHOLE picture for me.

After a while of driving and going through this I found myself Living in another world, my mind, I was driving a bit more un-aware so to say, I was less focused, but I was feeling good, I was dancing to the music and taking on characters of the imagination, I was just letting it all flow, letting myself go unconditionally to see.

THEN, I came to my destination – I climbed out of the car and BOOM – reality hit me, the MUSIC stopped, Live outside of the car seems to dull and boring and just all the same as always, full of crap and peoples shit and dirty streets and bad air and all this shit.

I just wanted to climb back into the car and let myself go, I wanted to escape to that different world.
But I could not, I had to wait for the people, I waited for another hour there, it was a long day, they came and we climbed in the car and off we went.

We arrived at the destination and we did not listen to the radio or anything all the way back, it was easy as I was again breathing here focused.

So at the Shop i was asked again to go somewhere, I then got the stuff that was requested of me, it if a hustle and dealing with people and walking and doing all the physical daily things that builds stress and that makes a person Zombie like, then there is the Car, the little Bubble I can go to, there is entertainment, there is another world I can go to, the people on the radio is always laughing and happy and they always have only good music and the best shit.

It is like the people on radio lives a life I do not know of, the music sings and speaks of worlds I have never seen, But I want it, I need it, it makes me feel so good and different.

So I climb into the car, there it is the radio, I knew what I was doing and decided it’s enough investigation for one day, I did not turn the music on or anything, I drove off breathing.

Then I realize, there is so many BUBBLES in this world, there is people’s homes, there is the private office of each person, there is cell phones, people walking with earphones in all the time, there is Malls where music plays all the time and shiny lights are always around and there is distractions around each and every corner, it isn’t like the rest of your day there, you can go an escape, get away from the Reality.

Music/TV/Radio makes Relationships always sound so awesome/shiny and I am talking here about YOU/ME in our Relationships towards everything, not just the one of a male female.

This is scary, because everyone hates their jobs and hates Mondays and hates the rest of the week, we all put on fake masks and Play a role for the day, till we can climb in the car and Forget, create another world for ourselves in there till tomorrow, and do the same at home, or even attempt to do it while working.

Here is a summary:
WE start our days with waking up and thinking about the shitty day ahead the same day waiting ahead, we get ready and then we move into a Bubble such as our car, in the car we use the entertainment there to gives us a high, to give us a different Feeling of the day, to get happy, to get ready to pretend, to get ready to follow dreams and pursuits, and then we get out and we get hit by reality, then we do this all day, we find these Bubbles somewhere – buying candy from the shop or listening to music or making a joke here or there or whatever, to give us a boost in Positive energy (since the whole day is really a negative, we can’t ignore the fact, surviving to feed yourself through having to comply to a system where we must be enslaved to money isn’t positive at all) a moment of Hiding to keep ourselves going till the day ends.

dare yourself to not listening to the radio for 21 days, and watching TV for 21 days do exclusive intenet things to find out the weather or news., and not going to the movies for a entire month, or putting earphones in your ears for 21 days, or being on your phone all day but only for calls for 21 days, and don’t go clubbing or partying or anything that is a form of entertainment for 21 days, and see what’s here for yourself, stop the habits/pattern of hiding through creating inner realities of hopes and dreams to squander in. face the music of life rather – it is best to not ignore the shit that is here and to join in to change it rather than to ignore it for the rest of your days till it consumes us all, and eventually our planet the way we live exist here.

Investigate Desteni and Equal Money System. spend your time rather on this.

Day – 93 – The Fearful Character sits and waits P3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am in a situation/scenario where I have to take responsibility, and the thought comes up of me rather being somewhere else where I do not have to face this situation, and to allow the back chat of “I can not do this, I have to much fear”- to not realize that I have to face the fear as what I have created myself as, as the character that plays out within the certain situations/scenarios through taking a stand through not giving into the thoughts/back chat that keeps the fear alive and validated, and to take responsibility in the moment, realizing that if it does not happen here and now I am giving the fear/anxiety power/permission to direct and control my life, where as I take self responsibility in the moment that is presented to me. I have the one opportunity to face myself as the character and to stop the fear and set myself free from the mind enslavement I have created for myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to when I am faced with certain events/scenarios in my life that I have judged as fearful/stressful in/as the past as memory, to decide to  direct me in/as my actions and ability to take self responsibility in the moment --  where I instead will bring up thoughts as pictures of the past as memories where I have preferred situations/scenarios and distract myself with a differentcharacter I can play instead as the fearful one, and then not take self responsibility and rather run and hide towards the memories/pictures/thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I have to take self responsibility for an event happening in my life to rather give into the thoughts of – I would rather be doing that followed by the back chat – “I do not like doing this, I do not have to do this, I have choice, this is my free will to not have to do this” and to realize that the moment that is here is also my free will/choice to take self responsibility and to not take self responsibility for the moment that is here and to rather give into the thoughts/back chat I am actually submitting myself to the past as the mind and to neglect the physical reality that is real and to instead give power to the illusion as the mind, proving that I do not yet have free will/choice as I could not make the free choice with my free will to take responsibility for the physical reality and what I/we have created and accepted and allowed to exist for all life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when a situation is “here” in the moment to want/desire to give into the thoughts of escaping the situation/scenario where the thoughts would present a false image to me of/from the past as a preferred situation/scenario where I could rather be watching a movie or be laying on my bed, with Back-chat of false reason and justification in the attempt to manipulate me/myself why I do not have to take self responsibility for the scenario to not have to face the fear/anxiety as the character I exist as, and to rebirth myself in breath -- where the back chat will be that of leading me into temptation such as – “I could be outside sitting on the porch drinking coffee” – “I could rather be entertained with something/someone else rather than facing what is going on in reality” – and to realize that this pattern of thought/behavior is the behavior and thought pattern of the consumerism industry that exist today that is neglecting earth and all the inhabitants and only abusing life and why nothing is changing and only getting worse, and to stop and breathe and to face my reality in the moment of the scenario/event and to not postpone and take self responsibility and live the correction as that which is best for all life and to stop living as a character that only plays illusional roles in the mind and to instead breathe and face reality to fix what i/we have created as hell for all to a place that is best for all life – Equal Money for all.

To Be continued – Self commitment

Day 78 – Self Sabotaging Character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the character of I do not know, I can not see it, I have tried everything I can to see it to not have to look at what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build myself a character to use when I do not feel like seeing what is here and so that the character can play and scheme ways out of having to take self responsibility for what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Sabotage myself from seeing what is here through acting in character that I do not know, I can not see.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I myself have deliberately designed a character to play in situations in my daily life to not see what is here to deliberately trap myself so that I may never lose character and remain as a slave to the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I myself have created the character of I can not see it, I do not know, I cant find it to not have to face what is here, thus implying that I do know what is here as I have to know what is here to not want to see that.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am aware of what is here yet I allow a character of me that I have deliberately created to take over and play its role of Illusions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as I am the characters that I can stop and breathe and see what is here as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it hard for myself to see what is here and to work with what is here in self sabotaging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself as characters that I have created.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I all that I am is always here, and thus when I can not see what is here I must realize I have a character in play that is but an illusion.

I commit myself to when and as I see I am sabotaging myself to not see what is here to look at what character I am playing in the moment, to stop and breathe and to realize that the character is but an illusion of the mind and to stop the character.

I commit myself to when and as I see I am playing out a character to be slit and to breathe and stop, to look at myself and to realize that the character isnt real, to walk myself out of the character in real time as breathe, as breath is the only reliable source to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself to switch from one character to another instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to to see and realize that I have to stop the characters through breathing and walking out of them in real time, and to not switch characters within the belief that I have not changed, fooling myself.