Day 441 - Waiting till the last minute Part 2

Day 440 - Waiting till the last minute Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till the last minute to arrange meetings with people.

When and as I see myself going into the pattern of waiting till “later as the last minute, I stop, I breathe, I consider what’s here and my action, to see if they are within consideration of the moment or that of energy as ego, and to assess my actions and the consequences of them, to from this point re-evaluate my decision and take a different path, the path of correction and apply myself within what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait up until the last minute to re-arrange meetings or appointments with people.

When and as I see myself waiting and waiting to make a phone call to someone where I have to re-arrange a meeting or an appointment, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am in a pattern again, where I am now thinking the whole time instead of doing, and that doing it easier and takes much less energy and time then thinking about re-arranging things with other people, and thus I move myself to use my energy productively and get the points out of my head.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to wait till the last minute to call people or to notify people about changes in plans.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to compromise myself and others, though NOT considering both ends equally and one, within the arrangements, or appointments that has been made, and when they are being changed, and to within this, create a constant anxiety within me, in relation to what I know I should have been doing, Yet I postponed till the last minute.

When and as I see that I am in the pattern of waiting up until the last minute to call people to re-arrange meetings or schedules, even if something unpredictable happened, I stop, I breathe, I do not wait till the last minute to notify the others, I pick up my phone or use any form of communication I have to contact the other person, as I see and realize that this is me actually considering both ends, as I would have liked for myself, thus seeing and realizing that when I do onto another as I would have liked to be done onto, I do not create anxiety/stress for myself, but instead I build my self-respect and honor.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to postpone notifying others about appointment or meetings that has to be changed, In the fear, that if I notify them, that they will react, or take it personally, or that I will be questioned about why, and using not knowing how to explain myself to them, and my situation as an excuse, I then instead go into resistance of doing it now, and thus postpone it till the last minute, when I have no choice but to go there.

When and as I see myself creating fear towards having to call people to re-arrange meetings or appointment and using the “justifications” and “excuses” of that here might be reactions or they might take it personally, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that this is my fear and not the reality of what is here and what might happen or not, and that I am only creating these fears to postpone and not take full self-responsibility for my actions/words, and thus I now instead direct myself to focus on what here and not my fear, and to move accordingly within the practical steps that’s required in the moment to bring about correction and considering everyone else instead of my fear.

When and as I see myself having to call someone or notify someone, or inform someone about appointments/meetings that has to be re-arranged/scheduled, and I am postponing using my fear of them questioning my actions of why, and that I will not be able to explain to them the situation, I stop, I breathe, I instead focus on getting my story in line, preparing myself to tell the other person whats needed to be heard, instead of focussing on “I do not KNOW” as a way of keeping myself in my pattern deliberately just to protect myself and my comfort zone

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to NOT see and realize, that this is a point of choice, where I still believe that I have a choice, and to within this always postpone till the last minute, where there isn’t any choice anymore, when in fact, all that is being shown to me is that there never was any choice, I simply deluded myself, and to within this delusion of choice give away my authority, my power, within moving myself to do what needs to be done, and to then create dishonesty within me, where I then live within dishonesty, and thus create consequences of fear/anxiety and stress that then becomes my prison, where I am trapped within the experience of myself as it all being real, and to within this always repeat the pattern, never learning or changing for the best, to be my perfect self.

When and as I see myself going into the Illusion of choice in relation to changing schedules/arrangements with other people, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that I am postponing because I a creating reasons/justification within my mind that seems valid and real for why I am postponing, when in fact it’s just me deluding myself within the point, because the inevitable is that I have to do it, there is no other way, and thus I take a Breathe and I push myself to work with what’s here and not in my head.

When and as I see myself participating within the construct of choice, I stop, I breathe, I check for myself if there really is choice, and to self honestly look at what it is I am crating choice towards and why, whats the reason, whats the purpose behind it, why do I want choice, even when there isn’t any choice, because the facts stand, it's isn't es-capable, and to within this self-instigation in the moment follow the common sense and not the pattern, the trap of the usual, where make things difficult for myself, instead I make it simplistic for myself.

Day 440 - waiting till the last minute Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till the last minute to arrange meetings with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait up until the last minute to re-arrange meetings or appointments with people.

I forgive myself, That I have accepted and allowed myself, to wait till the last minute to call people or to notify people about changes in plans.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to compromise myself and others, though NOT considering both ends equally and one, within the arrangements, or appointments that has been made, and when they are being changed, and to within this, create a constant anxiety within me, in relation to what I know I should have been doing, Yet I postponed till the last minute.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to postpone notifying others about appointment or meetings that has to be changed, In the fear, that if I notify them, that they will react, or take it personally, or that I will be questioned about why, and using not knowing how to explain myself to them, and my situation as an excuse, I then instead go into resistance of doing it now, and thus postpone it till the last minute, when I have no choice but to go there.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to NOT see and realize, that this is a point of choice, where I still believe that I have a choice, and to within this always postpone till the last minute, where there isn’t any choice anymore, when in fact, all that is being shown to me is that there never was any choice, I simply deluded myself, and to within this delusion of choice give away my authority, my power, within moving myself to do what needs to be done, and to then create dishonesty within me, where I then live within dishonesty, and thus create consequences of fear/anxiety and stress that then becomes my prison, where I am trapped within the experience of myself as it all being real, and to within this always repeat the pattern, never learning or changing for the best, to be my perfect self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself within believing I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the illusion of choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that choice is a weakness within me, a trap that I fall for, a comfort zone that I do not realize as being a limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort as a way of hiding from my fears within the illusions of choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the truth of how I have deluded myself within choice, when, even in situation like where I have to call someone to tell them I can’t be there for a meeting, leave it till the last minute, as if I had a choice, when the truth and fact is I don’t – and thus now seeing the extend of how I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself with choice.

To be continued.

Day 389 - Just my luck, the Secret is a Scam Part 5

 The real Journey to real change

Continuing from 

Day 385 – Start at the Start Part 1
Day 386 - Where the Journey Began Part 2
Day 387 - The Journey with the Secret Part 3

 Day 388 - The secret, ask/belief/receive, I am still poor part 4

The secret was that point of hope that luck will come my way, so one day I went to the bathroom instead of a smoking break, I picked up a lotto ticket in the bathroom, it was dated for that day and it yet had to be played.

I thought this is it, this is the universe seeing my plea, I am asking and I have been believing with all my heart for months now, this must be it, tonight I will win the lotto, I ran to my friend and I told him and showed him, he got a bit jealous and I could understand.

That night came and I watched the lotto like a hawk, and I did not even have on number right, I was alone in the lounge with the TV, I sat there realizing that this was it, luck cannot come any better than this.

I decided that the secret is BULLSHIT, I can send out as much thought waves into the universe as I want, nothing will happen.

I realized at that moment that I was stuck in my life, I was facing the physical consequences of what I have created in my past like in school and my choices, and that the only way out is to physically go and change it.

But how, I did not have money to do anything like that, I did not have anything to do anything, I was going to have to be a waiter for seven years also and then maybe have some money to move on.

Then a sudden thought came to mind – Desteni, I had this OH SHIT, I forgot about Desteni, and common sense and practicality and self-forgiveness and breathing and self-honesty and that I have been hiding deep in my mind from facing what I have known is the way to go.

But there was something stopping me from standing up and taking self-responsibility as the Desteni message and walking it, walking the Journey to life with Desteni., I have been doing everything there is that was still acceptable by society, such as spiritualism/the-secret/meditation/crystals/LOA etc., but not Desteni, because the thing that stopped me was fear, because I knew what I was going to have to face once I walk the Desteni message. Myself and what I have accepted and allowed.

Coming next – The family process

Day 388 – The Secret, ask believe and receive, I am still poor Part 4

Continuing from day 385 – Start at the Start Part 1
Day 386 - Where the Journey Began Part 2
Day 387 - The Journey with the Secret Part 3

I experimented with many different things in my life to find my Journey in life, that special road just for me, that road that will make me rich and important, that journey that will teach me many lessons and where I will become wise or whatever, and I continued with this search even after I have been well aware of Desteni and the message of Desteni and the common sense that Desteni have presented.
So I knew secretly that whatever I do, it will fail, because I have already been exposed to self-honesty and common sense and I mean it is really hard to ignore reality, unless I find that perfect illusion to hide behind.

I watched Oprah one night and there she had these people on her show talking about the secret, I was confused by the entire show, I did not get it, I saw they were showing a book to buy but I hated reading, so that wasn’t a solution for me, or an option. But I was curious.

I then later on discovered a Video, we went and we rented this video to watch about the secret, I watched it with my family in the lounge, after watching the Video I was “amazed” suddenly I felt I had hope, I can still make it, there is a chance for me in this life.

Because if you read my first blog on this topic you will see why, I then understood the secret, it was placed in the most simplest way ever to do anything, Ask, Believe, Receive.

FUCK anyone will want to go for that, it is like so easy to do. At this time I was still a waiter, so every day I would go to work and I would really go into my head, into my mind and I would generate “positive” thoughts that today is the day, today I can play the lotto and win, today I can do something and it will change my life, I ask and I truly believe it, I even wrote a small motivation paper that said, stay positive, ask believe and receive, you create your world and so forth and sticked it onto the mirror in my parents bathroom.

I was really going for it. I talked to many people about it and we had discussion about it on the floor, one guy also saw the movie and he also belief it and was participating within it, so we had something in common and we would actually everyday motivate each other that today is the day one of our life's will change,. We would talk about hopes and dreams and what possibilities we have of our life’s changing right now, what the universe might be sending us today.

We even used the secret to motivate us to not have resistance or anything against any customers that came onto the floor, the nasty ones, the mean ones, the grumpy ones, the ones that never tip, because we would say things like, maybe that person is a billionaire and the universe send that person today to us and maybe he feels like he wants to give us a billion, who knows, so go and help that customer.
Obviously it never happened, we asked and we believed for months, his life was getting worse because he needed money and has been working as a waiter for seven years, he needed to move on and get somewhere, I don’t have a school degree and I am not the brightest either, I literally needed luck to change anything for me.

To be continued.

Day 387 – The Journey with the secret Part 3

Continuing from day 386 – where the Journey Began Part 2.

I am writing these blogs to clear myself from any self-created ideas/beliefs/opinions I have of myself and my past where I would always put myself in the BETTER light of things, when in fact the truth wasn’t so sweet or shiny.

And facing my fast and clearing it all up I find that I learn a lot, I see a lot and a lot opens up, I can be self-honest with myself about it all, no need to hide my past in the fear of what others may think and within that becoming an image that moves instead of a living being breathe by breath.

I have noticed what happens when I lie, the lie isn’t real but to the other person I just created something real, because to them its truth, and then I have to change myself and my whole LIFE story to fit the lie just to keep the illusion of the lie that it is truth for the other being, all for some silly reason that the truth would not be cool enough, or the truth would not make me seem better or awesome. 

This kind of lying has spread through my life like a virus, I became so used to lying about anything that it just seemed natural, because I have always been able to get away with it, and at the same time when I get away with it, I get better and better friends or I become more popular, depends on how I took the real story and changed it to a lie that is always for the best of my own self-interest, and I know what others are impressed by, so I always change my story to have those thing sin, and there I have successfully lied. 

So living this LIEf has become too difficult, because the lies were backed by truth, the real story and there was always someone else that knew the real story. So I have this constant thing of making sure the truth and the lie does not come together, or the bubble would be popped, because truth wins automatically, its always got physical evidence plus myself as the evidence.

I had to remember so many made up stories that I had to have to tell to so many different people and never confuse them, fuck it was all about bloating up my ego. 

This has nothing to do with the secret, but it does because Lies is loud and truth is always secret, and here we have a bunch of people that was smart enough to make the secret loud and the truth seem like a waste of time, I mean fuck the truth, just ask then believe and then receive, fuck the fact that you have to pay bills or having to work hard for money to survive, the facts suck, just use the secret.

And then they have the guts to add a massive LIE to the theory of the secret and how it works, they added made up beliefs about how it works in fact with awesome graphics in a DVD that was for sale, using so much things that can make sense but is simple bullshit, it’s like making it seem really possible through making pretty pictures that show you have it can be done and then simply let you try it, over and over. 

See the people who created the secret never tells us the true story, the story that is truly the reasons for why they got so stinking rich, number one of the truth is, all they had to do was sell the bullshit to us folks, they did not even have to ask or believe, they just had to deceive and manipulate and then receive, because the truth is, they know everyone is struggling with surviving, and they know everyone is thus vulnerable, and thus they knew they could make something seem amazingly possible and realistic and that people will fall for it and showing graphic displays of how it “does” work over and over will make people believe that its possible.

The secret of the secret is, They know that no human knows how the mind works and how thoughts work or how we have them or create them or where feelings and emotions come from, and thus they knew that they could make up any shit, any bullshit and anyone would fall for ii, because no one can say they are wrong, because no one knows anything about the human mind and how it works in fact, except here at Desteni, we have properly investigated it for many years and we even offer a free course so that each one can get a clue and not fall for this bullshit ever again and actually start facing the true story, so I suggest follow this link and click HERE and join up and do it, finish it, face the reality of things and fix this world as ourselves first, there is no magic and saving just one person won’t make any difference. 

Ok, I must now stop here and continue on the secret tomorrow, where I give my example.

Day 386 – Where the Journey Began Part 2

This is a continuation from Day 385 – Start at the start Part 1

Way back in 2008 I was given two roads to choose from in my life, I had a choice to make, since choice is always limited to the physical aspects of everything that is here and thus not really a choice. Because we all always make decisions that are only within our own best self-interest, thus the choice is by nature already made for oneself. 

I can write this because back in 2008, before I ever came to Desteni farm, I was having a great time, if a great time is defined by boozing/drinking and partying and having sex and a girlfriend and dropping out of my last year of high school and already working as a waiter, then I guess that was having a great time. 

But the truth of my world back then was, when I was alone in my room or even in the house I wasn’t happy, I always found myself depressed and looking at the future, because the future is that one thing that still has to come, and it is determined by what I already have done in the past and what is in my immediate environment, that shows me pretty much where my future is going. 

I was in a relationship at that time as well, hoping that the relationship will be a game changer or in other words a life changer, meet new people, have more opportunities at money, as that is always the first goal and then sex, because at the current stage in 2008 I was a waiter, I have been doing it for a few months, and I saw that I was or maybe had to work there for the next couple of years, maybe save up some money and try a different job, stay at my parents’ house, maybe go and finish matrix/grade 12 and then try other jobs. 

The problem right after quitting the whole school brainwashing thing was all about now surviving and making money, hoping the brainwashing and all those years in a box filled with other kids. Will now pay off, I skipped one of the school years, it can’t be that big difference, to my surprise the difference was almost nothing, I was a waiter  with people with degrees, how useless. 

The main point is, I felt stuck, I was stuck, I did not see any point in studying further, as  a white south African back then the black empowerment thing didn’t really motivate me as well, but that’s just an excuse, I know. And the whole going back to school and being the oldest kid in school finishing his last year with young people, wasn’t that appealing to me.

I told my mother I would do my grade twelve/last year also with homeschooling but after my off year and that I will pay for it with my own money, but I know I was lying, it was only to make my mother feel better and to create hope for her, because I felt hopeless and giving someone else false hope makes us also delusional enough to actually feel better as well just because of that, how strange. But my mother knew that anyway and did not say anything. 

So Time went on, and I was living the double lie, when I am with people I am happy and I look like I am going to have a bright future and that I have plans and that I am doing so well even not finishing school, and when I am alone, secret things happen, other plans no one knows about, I was thinking a lot, I was really looking at what I can do, how can I get out, how can I just NOT be here in this town in this place, somewhere where there is a lot more opportunity. 

Obviously all that talk was just bullshit to myself to keep myself occupied, to make myself believe that there is something better out there and all I have to do it get to that other place. 

But the people in all the other places (as on the news) are doing even way worse, so it was clear it was all in my head really, hiding the fact of reality happening right in front of my eyes from myself through participating in different realities in my head.  But every day going to work was another slap in my face. 

So that is where my life was at, stuck and lost and really not doing anything, I was waiting and waiting for something else to come and change my LIFE. 

Then came the secret – you know the ask belief and receive secret, oops it’s not a secret anymore, so they made billions. 

To be continued on the secret.