Day 2 of 21, CHOICE – Day 587 - Choice

Choice = pre-programmed, even Neo proved he could not stop  his pre-programming.

A side note – as I was doing this self-forgiveness, my body went into a irritation within sitting down, within looking at these points, as if I just wanted to stand up and stop writing, this is interesting as to show the amount of control this system design has already within me as who I am as the physical, where even my body is having a resistance to doing this, my lower back, way at the bottom, was getting tense and irritated, my arms felt like they just wanted to speed up the typing to get it done with – I supported myself to slow down and to focus on my breathing and to write no matter what, facing the point of choice once again, the choice apparently is HERE, I could just stop and not write and ignore the point, but what does that imply then? What are the consequences? Being a slave, a puppet, driven by choice and not actual direct movement, as my choices are programmed based on my personality which is programmed based on my childhood of which I have No clue about, which comes from my parents, family, society, culture, name it all, so is my choice really my choice, does choice actually exist? Why do I give this choice so much power over me?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to all my choices, and thus fear that if I change my choice to live what is best for all life and thus have NO choice but living and standing as LIFE, that I will not exist, yes I see and realize that I as the matrix slave as a personality will cease to exist and that I as LIFE will be born to life what is best for all life, to stand one and equal as all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to religiously participate within all MY choices, seeing and realizing that all my choices are in fact a religious movement, where I am making the choices I am making to praise myself, to keep the religion of Myself alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that the choices I make come from a programmed personality that has been crafted by society, culture, TV and so much more, and that I have religiously praised this personality by living the “choices” that enforces this enslavement to a system that only support consumerism and money, where my choices are that of the system always, et NEVER choosing LIFE, and so all my choices are in fact abuse, not only to LIFE, but first and foremost to myself as I have completely sold my soul for the sake of having choice and to express that choice as ME and that I will even kill and defend such choices that protect the religion of myself as MY ego/personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that everything I am currently living as MY choice that makes up ME, is in fact a chain that I am creating and maintaining within WHO I AM to the system, to keep me enslaved and dependent on the system, as the systems wants that, as I will then always hold onto some part of the system and defend it, as the system then implies the survival of ME, my religion, my personality, and thus cannot ever really give up the system and stand for life, as here will always be something that serves my self-interest, may it be what I wear, eat, drink, party, entertain myself with, it is the web of enslavement inter twined within me directly to the system, feeding each other as the illusion of choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ONLY make choices that make me feel good, even if they end up bad, already proving that choice isn’t really choice but based on a pre=programmed feeling/emotion that I have NO clue where or how it came to be, yet I follow it, and call It MY choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I am always only making choices that has something to do with me, then it proves Choice does not exist, if choice did exist then why would it always only be about me and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within choice and to trap myself within choice and to feel that it is impossible to change my choice, once again proving that choice does not exist as it is something I feel I cannot stop, not do and thus it is programmed and thus not real choice but me following brainwashing and mind control.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as long as I am avoiding choices that are best for all life, just because it will change how I personally experience myself within my design of only caring for myself, then choice does not exist and isn’t real, as my choice is then limited only to me and my interest, and thus abusive and pre-programmed in nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that as long as MY choices are ONLY effecting me in my environment then It is still okay and I do not need to investigate them or take responsibility for them, or stopping them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that PORN is a MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Alcohol is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that masturbating to porn is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that drinking coffee is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being lazy is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Postponing to do things is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself to believe that this world that exist for all of us is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my biological physical design as my body is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that eating sweets is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within how I spend my Money as being MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how long I will live can be my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that where I live and how poor or rich I am was/is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that taking drugs is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the way I walk is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the way I sit is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how intelligent or how strong or weak my body is, was my choice, my physical design.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the type of sweets I eat is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the food I like is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the people I call friends were/are my choice, yet I had no choice due to where I was born, what school I went to and so on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the people I call family was/is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have and HAD any choice at all in this life regarding what is HERE, and yet I life within full self-deception and manipulating that who I am is my choice, yet I cannot say where and why everything is the way it is, I just accept and allow and so believe this way everything will be okay, instead of challenging the systems and to stand up for LIFE, to create myself in fact as MY own Authority, where I can explain and write down in specificity who I am and Why as I created myself and know who I am in fact. To remove all bondage from the Matrix, and to set myself free from all enslavement points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as if I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sold the idea that I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the BELIEVE that Choice exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an OPINION about “choice” and why I have this choice and why I am living and participating in living this choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard reality and what exist within my reality and this world through living in the illusion of choice, where me and this reality is neglected as my choice is always within self-interest and not what is real, practical and best for all.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to admit my choices as being harmful in fact, not just to me but to those around me and so within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ignorant to ALL my choices within believing MY choices are not harming anyone else, seeing and realizing that if every person on earth right now has the same reasoning skills as me, then we are in big shit, because if my choices were actually harmless and innocent and not effecting others and everyone else in the world says the same, then why do we not have heaven on earth, but in fact an abused and destructed earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify all my choices as being harmless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living within the justification of all my choices are harmless.

I forgive myself that I haven’t considered how dis-empowering my “choices are actually as long as they are not what is best for all live, as all my choices accumulate within the physical as who I am, and thus as long as all my choices aren’t within the principle of best for all life, I can never stand up or as LIFE as Authority, as I never accumulated that, but only self-interest, deception and abuse of life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that it is with harmless justifications of choices that the most harmful justifications of choices are used as well, from a personal level to a global level, and as long as I accept and allow choice within me and justifying my choices, I will always easily accept and allow others choices even if it is abuse to a degree where LIFE itself is in danger, as I know, that the excuses and justification I use in the small innocent moment is the exact same as what governments and those in Authority positions use and so I am guilty just as they and therefore cannot stand up and bring change, because what if I am questioned, what is I am in questioning, I am not clean, I cannot cast a stone, and thus I see and realize I must stop in fact my choices and life what is best for all life, to build my authority so that I may stand as authority to end abuse in my life and within the world/global scale.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the illusion that “choice” brings me within this reality just so that I can avoid reality and what really needs to be done and get done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living without choice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this CHOICE that I have been living and participate within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear living without choice and to actually have the freedom within me to do what needs to be done, to be satisfied with myself, to have respect for myself, to honor myself, instead of giving into choice and to always postpone or put if off or change direction or to simply NOT do what’s required to be done in Breathe.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question my behaviors where I practice “choice” and to see if it is actually choice I am participating in and why I am making the choices I make, are they choices within self-interest and to avoid making the choices that is best for all life, that is actually a real choice where I have NO choice, as the choice that is best for all life always leaves me o move, to act, to direct, and to not postpone and give up and give in to experiences, but to breathe and stabilize myself and move, be here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear giving up choice, in the fear that I will give up myself, seeing and realizing that I will be giving up myself as my limited version that only cares for ME and MY life and MY choices, which is always fear based, which is also always ONLY based within he matrix, within the system of enslavement.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Choice is a created Product within consumerism where I actually only have choice within how I am spending my money, how I am going to experience myself for a moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that CHOICE as it exist now isn’t actually choice, where choice comes with the implication of freedom, and as long as I am living in a system that abuses live, where people are slaves to money, there is actually NO choice, as I can only be free if everyone is free, and choice can only exist if LIFE is free and money isn’t a deciding factor in my life within any dimension of anything I want to do, and even so, when I am free and everyone else is free and choice can be free, there is still no such things as Choice, as my choices will and must always be in considerate of ALL life, and thus the only real and actual choice I can ever make is to be what is best for all life and freedom will be me living this choice in fact in each breathe.

Day 441 - Waiting till the last minute Part 2

Day 440 - Waiting till the last minute Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till the last minute to arrange meetings with people.

When and as I see myself going into the pattern of waiting till “later as the last minute, I stop, I breathe, I consider what’s here and my action, to see if they are within consideration of the moment or that of energy as ego, and to assess my actions and the consequences of them, to from this point re-evaluate my decision and take a different path, the path of correction and apply myself within what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait up until the last minute to re-arrange meetings or appointments with people.

When and as I see myself waiting and waiting to make a phone call to someone where I have to re-arrange a meeting or an appointment, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am in a pattern again, where I am now thinking the whole time instead of doing, and that doing it easier and takes much less energy and time then thinking about re-arranging things with other people, and thus I move myself to use my energy productively and get the points out of my head.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to wait till the last minute to call people or to notify people about changes in plans.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to compromise myself and others, though NOT considering both ends equally and one, within the arrangements, or appointments that has been made, and when they are being changed, and to within this, create a constant anxiety within me, in relation to what I know I should have been doing, Yet I postponed till the last minute.

When and as I see that I am in the pattern of waiting up until the last minute to call people to re-arrange meetings or schedules, even if something unpredictable happened, I stop, I breathe, I do not wait till the last minute to notify the others, I pick up my phone or use any form of communication I have to contact the other person, as I see and realize that this is me actually considering both ends, as I would have liked for myself, thus seeing and realizing that when I do onto another as I would have liked to be done onto, I do not create anxiety/stress for myself, but instead I build my self-respect and honor.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to postpone notifying others about appointment or meetings that has to be changed, In the fear, that if I notify them, that they will react, or take it personally, or that I will be questioned about why, and using not knowing how to explain myself to them, and my situation as an excuse, I then instead go into resistance of doing it now, and thus postpone it till the last minute, when I have no choice but to go there.

When and as I see myself creating fear towards having to call people to re-arrange meetings or appointment and using the “justifications” and “excuses” of that here might be reactions or they might take it personally, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that this is my fear and not the reality of what is here and what might happen or not, and that I am only creating these fears to postpone and not take full self-responsibility for my actions/words, and thus I now instead direct myself to focus on what here and not my fear, and to move accordingly within the practical steps that’s required in the moment to bring about correction and considering everyone else instead of my fear.

When and as I see myself having to call someone or notify someone, or inform someone about appointments/meetings that has to be re-arranged/scheduled, and I am postponing using my fear of them questioning my actions of why, and that I will not be able to explain to them the situation, I stop, I breathe, I instead focus on getting my story in line, preparing myself to tell the other person whats needed to be heard, instead of focussing on “I do not KNOW” as a way of keeping myself in my pattern deliberately just to protect myself and my comfort zone

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to NOT see and realize, that this is a point of choice, where I still believe that I have a choice, and to within this always postpone till the last minute, where there isn’t any choice anymore, when in fact, all that is being shown to me is that there never was any choice, I simply deluded myself, and to within this delusion of choice give away my authority, my power, within moving myself to do what needs to be done, and to then create dishonesty within me, where I then live within dishonesty, and thus create consequences of fear/anxiety and stress that then becomes my prison, where I am trapped within the experience of myself as it all being real, and to within this always repeat the pattern, never learning or changing for the best, to be my perfect self.

When and as I see myself going into the Illusion of choice in relation to changing schedules/arrangements with other people, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that I am postponing because I a creating reasons/justification within my mind that seems valid and real for why I am postponing, when in fact it’s just me deluding myself within the point, because the inevitable is that I have to do it, there is no other way, and thus I take a Breathe and I push myself to work with what’s here and not in my head.

When and as I see myself participating within the construct of choice, I stop, I breathe, I check for myself if there really is choice, and to self honestly look at what it is I am crating choice towards and why, whats the reason, whats the purpose behind it, why do I want choice, even when there isn’t any choice, because the facts stand, it's isn't es-capable, and to within this self-instigation in the moment follow the common sense and not the pattern, the trap of the usual, where make things difficult for myself, instead I make it simplistic for myself.

Day 440 - waiting till the last minute Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till the last minute to arrange meetings with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait up until the last minute to re-arrange meetings or appointments with people.

I forgive myself, That I have accepted and allowed myself, to wait till the last minute to call people or to notify people about changes in plans.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to compromise myself and others, though NOT considering both ends equally and one, within the arrangements, or appointments that has been made, and when they are being changed, and to within this, create a constant anxiety within me, in relation to what I know I should have been doing, Yet I postponed till the last minute.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to postpone notifying others about appointment or meetings that has to be changed, In the fear, that if I notify them, that they will react, or take it personally, or that I will be questioned about why, and using not knowing how to explain myself to them, and my situation as an excuse, I then instead go into resistance of doing it now, and thus postpone it till the last minute, when I have no choice but to go there.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to NOT see and realize, that this is a point of choice, where I still believe that I have a choice, and to within this always postpone till the last minute, where there isn’t any choice anymore, when in fact, all that is being shown to me is that there never was any choice, I simply deluded myself, and to within this delusion of choice give away my authority, my power, within moving myself to do what needs to be done, and to then create dishonesty within me, where I then live within dishonesty, and thus create consequences of fear/anxiety and stress that then becomes my prison, where I am trapped within the experience of myself as it all being real, and to within this always repeat the pattern, never learning or changing for the best, to be my perfect self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself within believing I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the illusion of choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that choice is a weakness within me, a trap that I fall for, a comfort zone that I do not realize as being a limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort as a way of hiding from my fears within the illusions of choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the truth of how I have deluded myself within choice, when, even in situation like where I have to call someone to tell them I can’t be there for a meeting, leave it till the last minute, as if I had a choice, when the truth and fact is I don’t – and thus now seeing the extend of how I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself with choice.

To be continued.