Headache - what can create one? Day 9 of 21 - Day 594

I woke up this morning with a headache, now waking up with a headache for me is very strange, and this headache was very annoying, it is heavy, every slight movement I make where my head is moving, I feel the headache. All day I had to move slowly, I had to be aware of all my movement a lot more.

I assessed what the headache can be, is it due to something physically missing or lacking in the body? Or a mind point. So I drank water and ate fruits and more meals, as I felt my body needed, yet the headache is still here. So now in Self-forgiveness I will open up my experience towards the headache.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate this headache.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this headache for LIMITING my movements and participation of me during my day and to within this Blame, blame my body for creating this headache, when I know the body does not create headaches, but how I participate and use the body and thus how I accept and allow the mind to run free within doing with the body as it pleases. And thus I am responsible and I must take self-responsibility for my creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over think many things during my day instead of acting/living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to THINK about what I want to do and to just keep thinking about it, not acting on it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize when I SEE what is here and what I can do and I do not act on it, if I do not live what I SEE is possible here and to either direct myself to live it, do it later of right now, and to rather go and THINK more and more on it, and thus when I do not act when I SEE I turn all the potential of the physical into thinking and thoughts and regrets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this headache that compromises my physical movement as a reflection of how I have been compromising my physical movement when I do not act but rather turn the potential of me HERE into thoughts, into future and then past and to never LIVE, for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to JUDGE myself when and as I see what is HERE as the physical living potential of and as ME and to rather go into the mind and not expand myself, live creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see a physical living potential where I will benefit and ALL to rather go into the mind as limitations, where I start thinking, I am not ready for this, I need to prepare more for this, I am not professional enough for this, I do not look good enough to do this, I do not have the skills right now that matches what I want to create YET so best that I do nothing at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to LIVE in my mind as thinking as imagination, as I am unable to breathe and direct my reality as the physical when and as I see, and thus as time pass by I create distrust within me within what I see as I have never established trust within myself to simply trust myself and to act, to respond, to create what is HERE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate a headache over so much time of living within the mind and not living, and thus now facing the consequences of my action as my physical body being compromised, where a headache is a red light for where the body is already SO full of accumulated energy that the body/brain cannot even handle it anymore, like a soda bottle that has been shaken and needs to be opene4d up, and thus I can see this is a red light and that if I continue any further the way I have been living I will accumulate more headaches and over time more other physical problems that will match my LIVING one and equal and thus my LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place high expectations on myself of what I am supposed to live, and to within this compromise what I can live and to never act or live but wait and wait and to within this waiting for the right time, when I may be able to live up to my expectations later on create within my mind a mountain of what I haven’t lived and thus must when I am ready make up for all the times and moments I haven’t lived.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a headache to my physical body and capabilities, where I place everything in my head and not live here what’s possible, what is best for all and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Hold myself back and to rather move back into the mind and so place myself in the back of LIFE and not being an active participant as a creator of me and thus this world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself and who I am and what I can say, express, do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR living – what I SEE and to act, to respond, to be responsible, and to rather give into the fear as reasons, justifications and logic to why I am not living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish this headache away without having to physical correct myself of having to investigate the headache and how its manifestation came to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the headache and to just want the headache to go away, the same way as I have dealt with creating the headache to when and as I see what is here o be done, to be lived to bring about my utmost potential, to just make it go away and to just not having to live it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight the headache, just as I have been fighting myself to live and to let go of fear to stop the thinking about it and to rather LIVE it and be it, to test it out to develop myself and to be HERE.

I commit myself to when and as I see what is here as to live, to be my utmost potential, to act upon it, to breathe and to push through to not accept and allow ME to become thought, to exist as thought and every other dimension that then forms and takes creation within me as thoughts/thinking and imagination, that is always of consequences that isn’t best for all, and not myself but harmful to the body and of abuse.

Day 523 - Thinking versus doing

 

 It seems that most of my life has been happening in my mind. I am always thinking about my potential and living it, I can see what I must do and live to achieve this utmost potential. But the thought of I am not ready yet always seem to catch me when I am unaware so I postpone the living till tomorrow. But this just becomes habitual and always end up in thought. Which in the future leads to me creating a relationship with myself of "I am a fuck up" a loser, I cant trust myself, I am worthless and useless. These believes aren't necessarily spoken or being thought of. They are more so implied in the act of postponing and not living my utmost potential. The further consequences of these actions are now me leading into destructive behavior. The opposite. Which leads to cool realization. Which is that the initial thoughts I had/ have of living my utmost potential were based on a polarity construct of positive and negative and so ot is for me to stop ALL thoughts and to forgive myself to participate in thoughts no matter how positive or negative they are and to instead focus on what is here as my practical living in each breath which is the utmost potential of me here.

Day 512 – Helping others but not myself Part 2

Where the last post ended: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an irrational IDEA/belief/opinion within my mind of what a good person is, where this irrational idea/belief/opinion of being a good person is me pleasing EVERY single person, which by a mathematical equation is literally impossible, yet I try every day and thus fail every day and thus the end result of every day is me being a failure, but I keep trying hoping that I can master/learn each and every person’s idea/belief/opinion of what a good person is and to when I am in their presence I can live that IDEA/belief/opinion - and fail.

So the word FAIL – has come up as the opposite within me regarding this point of wanting to please everyone, it is a mind consciousness design so it works in polarities, to simply keep the mind consciousness alive.

Success and failure are the two opposites, I have taken success and replaces that with “pleasing everyone/being a good person” and then the failure polarity is that of “upsetting everyone/not being a good person.

Here I have to go back to my early childhood memories where I was being programmed through my environment and how I interpreted the moments/experiences – as a child born into this world already as a being, as someone – this being/Someone as me starts to now living in this world where there are already BILLIONS of conditions set/in place, and as I as the being starts moving myself through this reality I encounter countless moments/experiences – with me not being born with any information about this reality I am now interpreting these moments by following those who has been here before me, unconditionally and how they respond to the moments.

This is happening from the moment of birth, and as I can say I do not remember anything from my birth till about the age of three – YET this is the time in which I learned almost everything I know today, my mobility as my body and all the parts of it, my language and speaking/speech and how I now look at the world through the formal education I have received from my parents/people in the environment(s) – then as I have now developed a language and a general level or vocabulary to communicate and interact with my reality and those within it, I can now start living by myself, but only according to what I have already now acquired as my education/words/vocabulary – which can be very limited and with all the wrong meanings or with emotional conditions to words and what they mean, and then also the amount of environments I am exposed to learn new things outside of the normal setup where I was born and raised in within the first three years – or it can be the opposite where I was enriched with a wide vocabulary to make sense of my reality more and to be able to communicate and talk more and to interact more with the right meanings of words/understanding of them and no emotional connections which decided how I interpret new information within my mind and thus how I in tern respond.

Now – it is obvious through me not remembering any of my first three years of life on earth, I cannot YET go back and find the main programming right now, but as I can see, everything that exist as me here in each moment stems from that, it is an outflow and thus actually still the same, it just looks different and I have over time made it my own as if it all is ME in fact, when in fact I was taught everything from someone else – not who I am.

So understanding this is easy, seeing this point is easy, and coming to terms with even if I know it isn’t me and that I was taught everything I belief myself to be and living it right now as if it is me, I have accepted and allowed it and thus I am it right now but It does not mean it is real and actually who I must be.

Yet back to the point, I learned morality from those that has gone before me, I learned what is good and what is bad through peoples actions and words and how they used those words and actions, and I took it on as the right way, and even if it was towards me, I would unconditionally take it on and become the moralities, the good and the bad, even if only the good was enforced within me by those that raised me, the good always implied the bad, the opposite, and thus if only the good was enforced within me then I made the obvious now conclusion, what is so bad about me that everyone only enforces the good in me, what is it that people think of me that I need to only hear the good, is there something that is bad about me that is being covered by all the good praise.

So as I can see ZI created the polarity point within myself within understanding the construct of good and bad from the system design as the mind consciousness, that if I am good then there must be dad, and I interpret the bad with my limited vocabulary by myself – and so the bad would become to BIG in my mind because the good has been praised to BIG/much from others, that I later on feared keeping up with all the good and always living the good and always keeping up to everyone’s standard of me being good in their eyes, this fear of now being bad became my internal reality, it became my fear – and as curiosity works, I had to every now and then push the point of testing out the bad, the opposite of my goodness, just to see if it is real, it others will notice it, and if it will bring different reaction, and so it did, I brought out reactions/actions that I did not enjoy, I did not want to be seen as bad because what comes from that is bad lol.

BUT – how did I interpret the reactions/actions of others when I did something “bad” in the eyes of other mind consciousness systems? The action has always been in the nature of suppression, suppress what the child is doing, hide it, in fear of the child becoming evil or being a bad person and only keep/reveal the good, which now became a belief inside of me as the child that there is something terrible inside of me, something great and evil that others fear seeing and so I must fear seeing it as well, I must be every afraid, I must never show it – because society will react in a way to suppress and kill this evil, this evil has NO place in society and I am this evil, it was confirmed by the actions/reaction of others towards me when I exposed/tested out the point.

So now in time, I have lived as a very good person, I have proven to be the opposite of this evil/bad that I belief lives inside of me, I have gone the extra mile to always help people and to always PROOF my goodness, while suppressing the real issues that I have developed through my limited mind interpretation of events back then and how other responded in ignorance and fear. BUT what do I know, with this belief that I am evil/bad growing and growing within me year after year, I started playing things out in my life that I deliberately did within this BELIEF (not real) that I now started using as my own evidence to proof that I am evil, and to proof my parents right that there was a great evil that they SAW in me as a child based on how they responded to me as a child acting in curiosity – and to have this last point of failing and being bad and to just proof that my parents was right, they had to enforce all the good in me all those years, they had to only motivate me positively, they had to only always come forth as happy around me, because if they didn’t, I would have ended up as a evil mother fucker, so the consequences isn’t nessasarely me going out and being evil – as it is all internalized.

It starts out with thoughts of failure, thoughts of not being good enough, thoughts of me not being what everyone expected of me, as the physical reality exposes polarities with consequences that reveals us to ourselves and the polarities that has been created and lived so that we can have a moment to SEE and to change, to move out of the polarity constructs that enslave us the mind consciousness systems of energy with the purpose of one thing, to generate energy and to let self-interest prevail as a personality that wanted to be right/win, even if it means self-proofing and winning in being evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that there is an evil within me that I do not understand, because as a child no one else was able to explain to me what it was that I saw or acted out, but instead reacted and taught me to rather suppress and hide what is going on within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the belief and Ideas and opinions of others of what is good and what is bad and to within this classify myself as BOTH and to live out both, where I chose according to my environment and circumstances to live out the good and to hide the evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the evil MORE than what it is within me due to a lack of vocabulary to place it in common sense and assessing it and to rather go into irrational thinking that is based on emotions/feelings that then become actions that I myself to not understand yet justify as being ME.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as a polarity of good and bad within myself and within this world, where I ONLY do good in front of others and do evil in secret as I have judged myself as evil and as good and that only the good can be exposed and the evil must remain hidden, yet the evil ALWAYS exposes itself at some point – which then can enforce the belief of oneself of being evil/bad and this personality comes out more where one starts participating within destructive behavior/patterns just to proof self and others right that self was evil all this time, as the good part of self later on do not get recognition anymore and it starts to just become normal and thus no more energy is being received from being good, so a polarity shift is required to generate energy again for the mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that this Good and Evil construct isn’t me, it is something that I was shown and taught.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within this polarity of good and evil within myself as two extreme part of who I have accepted and allowed myself to belief myself to be.

To be continued

Day 511 - helping others but not myself

I have been dealing with quit a big part of myself as who I have defined myself as, and this part has got to do with me seeing and helping other people with their potential, helping others through self destructive patterns and seeing the better, becoming the better part of self.str
Yet, I have never done this for myself, in fact I have a shit load of problems that I need to deal with, but I occupy myself and my time with always helping others and forgetting myself so to say.

I have been doing so for a while now, and this is coming back to bite me in my ass, in the past few weeks I have been dealing with some mayor internal conflicts (the mind) in other words, where these points do as always effect the physical reality.

I see within myself that I can help others, YET they always in the end have to help themselves, I can not always just be on stand by waiting, this is simply me distracting myself from really facing my myself and my internal points and thus my reality.

so as a base design of my personality as what I have always done is the savior construct, only in this story there is now happy ending, because while I am out saving I am doing this from a starting point of self-sacrifice, which will lead slowly but surely to a sacrifice, where all my suppression, all my problems just accumulate and accumulate till they have no where else to go but OUT.  

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to care about myself and to give focus and attention to "saving others" and forgetting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not important and that I do not matter and do not need saving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value myself as less than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a good life in comparison to others and thus I do not deserve to push myself to reach and be my utmost potential as it isn't fair towards those that isn't in the same situation as me with the same opportunity and thus I must sacrifice myself to rather help others, while I sink.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I do not deserve any help or that I am not worthy being helped as I will just waste other peoples time, and thus I might as well waste my own time by forgetting about myself and focusing on others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself and to within this neglecting my life and effecting everyone in my life/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ABUSE myself though the believes that I have about myself and to within this secretly abuse others that isnt "intentionally" yet it happens through my actions/beliefs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I focus on myself and bettering myself as what is best for all LIFE and to reach my utmost potential that I will come forth as selfish and as a bad person, because I am now not focusing on pleasing others and caring for others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sour and angry and resentful towards the world and the people within this world due to my belief that everyone is keeping me hostage within their perception of me as being a good person and because of ME living within the expectation of others perception of me as MUST be good, I always believe that I must do everything good as much as possible and never care for myself, and thus create a blame game that shifts my responsibility towards the world and thus the world now becomes the problem instead of seeing and realize that this perception, this belief, Idea is all but in my head and I am living it as if it is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR being seen as a bad guy, a person that isn't doing good and the best he can to help others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others having a bad perception of me and how that will influence my world and who I am within this reality that I share with billions of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an irrational IDEA/belief/opinion within my mind of what a good person is, where this irrational idea/belief/opinion of being a good person is me pleasing EVERY single person, which by a mathematical equation is literally impossible, yet I try everyday and thus fail every day and thus the end result of every day is me being a failure, but I keep trying hoping that I can master/learn each and every persons idea/belief/opinion of what a good person is and to when I am in their presence I can live that IDEA/belief/opinion - and fail.

to be continued
 

Day 488 – Forgive ME

I know, you who are reading this, you are stuck in a place that feels like you will never be able to get out of it, like you have tried many times before to change this stuckness, but you have already accepted your life is just the way it is.

You have tried many times to change your life, you have tried many times to change yourself, but the patterns seem to just be stronger, it seems impossible to change who you are, you know you NEED to change, you know your situation needs to change, you know that this change is literally just in front of you, and that is probably what is the most frustrating part about the story of change, it is always RIGHT here, you can feel it, you know it is here, yet there is something else that just isn’t here to take that one step, from a limited victimized self to a self that is living their utmost potential.

Sometimes you might just feel like screaming and to get it out of the way, to just let it all go, to just say - till here and no further, but even that scream, you hold it back. Because you realize it won’t change anything but maybe hurt your vocal cords, or perhaps because you know the scream inside of you isn’t possible to be screamed.

You have a job, you have to earn money, you have a family, either your own or the one you come from, you have fun moments and you have things that you do sometimes that you enjoy, but when you are alone by yourself, that is when the real shit comes through, the part that no one knows, the part that is hidden, it is your burden to carry (you tell yourself).

Life is one big mess, we have political problems, we have economic problems, we have global environmental problems, we have so many problems in this world that needs to be sorted out, but it is all too much, because you, just like me, have to deal at the same time with where we are stuck, where we were born and our own life’s, you know you need to work and earn money and you know this is taking most of your living of your LIFE and you know that the job you have isn’t secure because the system we live in is the most unstable system we could have ever build a society on and make people dependent on it.

You see your planet being destroyed piece by piece and yet you know there is nothing you individually can do right now to change it, so you continue your days as all ways, just go to work, survive and earn money. Then spend the money you earn to make your part as your life in this world not so shitty as much as possible, to buy a chocolate or have a cuppachino, because you know having the money to buy something like that in a moment when you want to is a comfort, as 75% of the other people on earth do not have that luxury, I mean only 1,5 billion people have access to the internet, well can afford to be on it. So even just switching on the WIFI and browsing useless sites is like a confirmation to yourself that all is still okay (for you that is).

Yes I understand, what else is there to do, what else can you possibly spend your time on and your money, it isn’t like the world is going to change tomorrow by doing something different now and for the next ten years, so instead you will do nothing, or try and do something, but only bare minimal, because the idea is in your head, that maybe something will change, or maybe not, and give the maybe not a bigger chance inside yourself, and because of that do as little as possible for in-case nothing changes you didn’t waste your time on doing all the things that you did do, to maybe change the world. But who knows. You know.

And here you are again, a time loop, each year after year after year, standing in front the mirror of self-reflection, having to make that one decision to change, yet year after year the pattern has already been patterned through your own behavior to do the same thing as the year before, halfhearted, a big disbelief that guides the decision, a disbelief patterned only by yourself through your own actions, not realizing that all the evidence of no change is directly leading back to your own actions, the bread crumbs lay in a circle, like a snake eating its own tail, senseless isn’t it?

Do you see now why you always know that the moment for change is right here, it is as if it is just in front of you, you just have to make that one different move or decision and to live it, but you don’t, but you know you can do it NOW right here, you know you have that power, you know inside of yourself that it is the most possible thing ever, and the sad part is, because you know it is right here and that you know you can do it here in the breath that is present, you have simply created another belief, I can or might as well do it tomorrow then, why not? I know I can – so why now, what is one more day to wait. This is where the scary honest part comes in, you realize that you actually have come to find comfort in your limited version of yourself, you have actually come to enjoy the abuse of life of yourself onto yourself, you actually enjoy all the limitations, the FEAR has become the beacon of trust, as soon as fear arise, you rather follow that, you have learned to trust the fear.

And so your days continue day after day the same, even when you participate in movements for change, you know it will soon just become part of your daily routine of comfort, you know that soon this movement of change is still within your comfort zone, your boarders of comfort lined out inside of your own mind through society and all the systems that is here as the very things you want to change you find comfort within, you know that soon this movement of change that you are participating within will simply remain the same movement, the movement won’t change, it won’t really do anything in this world and soon you will just participate within this movement for change as if it is an activity, nothing real, nothing substantial, not pushing it as far you can push yourself, because you aren’t pushing yourself, that maybe of it won’t change anything and half-heartedness got the bigger chance inside of yourself, now minimal movement becomes the goal within the movement for change, it is like laying in hospital on life support, instead of supporting LIFE.

And now, if you can see what I am saying, if you can relate to what I am saying, you will understand the heading of this post, it isn’t about forgiving ME the writer of this post, as everything in the Universe leads back to who you are in reverse, we must change the heading of Forgive me, to self-forgiveness, you must forgive yourself. Because in each and every moment that you know you have the opportunity to change, to change the moment to bring forth that utmost potential in yourself, where you know you can do it now but instead do not, and you feel that there is just something missing, then here I am saying, that something that is missing is you forgiving yourself, you can feel these word in your core, you just want to scream it, but you know that is just an accumulation.

Instead take a practical step, take a breathe and make the change, forgive yourself for whatever reason in that moment is already pre decided in your mind, in the moment that you are going to use to justify your change and the change to this world and instead let go of fear, let go of the sadness that keeps accumulating inside yourself for not standing for yourself, and live. Be alive.

There is a very fine line between actual change and just change, see the difference is in the words, just change is Justified change, where one can still justify their change to others as a reason/way for an excuse to remain in a comfort zone in alignments with the abuse of the world that exist here, to not seem that far out, yet isn’t that what is required to bring actual change to a world that if literally fucked, change that is far out from this current world, isn’t that the only real indication that there is real change, what is scientific proof if it isn’t first met with research and proof that seems or is far out, and then proven correct over time, and soon implemented. But fear takes the cake. And to clarify, do not confuse actual change with irrational change, irrational change is when it isn’t in alignment with all that is here, it is a change that isn’t best for all. I mean changing self in a manner of living what is best for all should bring all people together, it should bring realness to life, it should bring real joy to life, and it should bring a change forth in others as you. Not fear and irrationality and discord.

Perhaps the fear for actual change is the misunderstanding or what actual change is, the fear of the unknown, would we prefer a world that gets fucked by war and famine and bloodshed and tears, or rather a world that is shaken by some real common sense and self-honesty and new messages and ways to life that can bring resolve to the problems we have personally and on a global scale where NONE of the bloodshed and tears is required. Which fear wins, most people prefer war and death over having a bad social status. How messed up is that.

I forgive Myself..

Day 471 – forgetting to live and to express myself.

Without noticing, I have forgotten to express myself, to live myself, to be myself, to be here.

When we do something every day that is the same, we start to become the same every day, we tend to mold ourselves into a character that we believe can handle this daily routine, a character that is set in a certain mind set, a certain thought pattern.

This thought patterns that we construct will eighty percent of the time lean towards a negative one, because we live in a world that is negatively charged by fear and thus everything we do is out of fear, the very job we have and that make ourselves believe is something we are doing because we love doing it, is a lie, because we are doing it out of fear for survival, for our daily bread that isn’t naturally provided to us.

So this is also the danger, I have been doing the same thing over and over every day, which isn’t a bad thing, that is simply an opinion of judgment, it is who I am within it, have I become a certain personality within what I do or am I deciding who I am within each moment within each breathe.

See the difference, if I am accepting and allowing myself to “become” a certain personality within what I do through accepting and allowing the daily influences to mold me, then I will become a negative personality, it is as simple as that, and thus I will have a negative mind set which will lead towards a negative outcome. What we resonate is what we create, even if we pretend to be positive, it is the resonance, that which Is unseen that will shape the outcome of anything.

Then there is the other way, where I wake up every morning and I decide who I am, am I the authority of who I am today, am I taking on my life situation full force with all that I am here in each and every breathe, am I the one making directive decisions and living them fully, am I the one that is living my utmost potential in each moment.

So there is the difference, and what I have been living isn’t the second option to a certain degree, I have accepted and allowed everything negative in my reality to influence me, my goals and my starting point, I have accepted and allowed myself to become negative within my stance and to resonate that “downiness” of not achieving, so on a daily scale I have been living in a down mood, a mood that brings everything down with me, no beaming LIFE coming from me, just me doing what I do every day with the already anticipated downiness within me, of no results, not achieving, just the same as before. And surprisingly that what I create and that’s what happens then.

So I see myself living my utmost potential, yet I fail living it because the utmost potential I am seeing in my head is just that, it isn’t a reflection of real time, living in the rawness of reality, one and equal within how the physical actually works and what I need to do and how I need to move in fact, an that’s half the point, I can’t live my utmost potential if I am only focused on the mind and holding myself in the past results, I must burst out of this confinement of the past and I must move with full confidence and full self-assurance and really mean it, I must move with pride and I self-trust and I must really live the day as if I am going to die today, there must be no excuse, there must be no reason for me to ever say I did not do my best in every single big or small moment to make things work that is best for all life.

I must break the physical spell I have placed over my own physical body – the spell if called thinking and the curse is the thoughts, these habitual thoughts and secret mind thinking is the killer of all time, killing time with doing nothing, yet doing so much, it is like planting trees but not watering them, not nursing them, but expecting fruit. The details of expression are important.

I accept and allow myself to express myself, to live and to be here, I allow myself to be big as live, I give myself this as a guide in each moment within each breathe. I am life and I am allowed to live.

Day 450 - I just can’t get up - living my utmost potential Part 2

continuing from - Day 449 - I just can't get up Part 1

Day 449 - I just can’t get up - living my utmost potential - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/07/day-449-i-just-cant-get-up-living-my.html#sthash.uRP6C1Ay.dpuf

Day 449 - I just can’t get up - living my utmost potential - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/07/day-449-i-just-cant-get-up-living-my.html#sthash.uRP6C1Ay.dpuf

Day 449 - I just can’t get up - living my utmost potential - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/07/day-449-i-just-cant-get-up-living-my.html#sthash.uRP6C1Ay.dpuf

Day 449 - I just can’t get up - living my utmost potential - See more at: http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/07/day-449-i-just-cant-get-up-living-my.html#sthash.uRP6C1Ay.dpuf

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself sleep more than required using the back-chat and justification of “Because I can” and to use this back-chat as valid for sleeping more than required.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that JUST because I am capable of sleeping and escaping from reality for a while, that I can just do it whenever I want when there is time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignorantly make the statement in my head of “ Because I can sleep more” without seeing the consequences within the action of just sleeping and wasting time doing nothing but not being here.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stop and to investigate why it is that I want to sleep more just because I can, just because I have the time, instead of living and doing things that is require and practical, and rather postpone it and compact it all into less time available during the day and create a stressful day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the day that lies ahead, and to within this rather choose to sleep more than having to do more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the day ahead more than myself in the moment and to within this rather want to hide away a bit more through sleeping and compromising practical living things for the purpose of just not having to do more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my day on where I make the first decision and not my mind, where I wake up at the set time I give myself because I live it in the moment and to not be directed by how I feel and think and all the internal things going on, but me making the living change, knowing I did it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have second thoughts, or any thought at all that directs me away or against my decision for what I want to live, that I have set for myself to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I wake up to my alarm in the morning have a bias intention within me to not stick to the alarm but to have open space for second options such as sleeping more and throwing common sense out of the window.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise and sabotage myself though not living the decision I have made on waking up early and for all the practical common sense reasons, to live as the physical as my utmost potential and to not submit to the mind as energy and thoughts/backchat, to breathe and push through the brainwashing and mind conditioning on the body.

To be continued with SCS

Day 449 - I just can’t get up - living my utmost potential

I just can’t get up.

Every morning I wake up at seven thirty or eight, if there isn’t any specific early time scheduled, but I have been setting my alarm for six in the mornings.

So I just cannot get up at that time, sure I don’t have a solid sleep during the night with a baby on the bed being fed and all the other things involved with a baby sleeping on the same bed, but I do get my rest, I do get quite a lot of time in, I go to bed around twelve, and I want to only sleep six hours.

The reason I want to sleep six hours only is to push myself to live my full potential, within living fully my day and not sleep just because I can sleep, that in itself is bothering me as a statement if I am living that, why do I prefer to sleep more than doing anything, sleeping is like choosing to be dead for a certain amount of hours and not having to live, to face reality, obviously I am referring to sleeping more than what’s necessary.

And six hours is the necessary amount of time for the body to recover and recuperate, so why sleep 8 hours and more if possible? It is showing me that there is something in my reality that I am not dealing with and instead wasting time hiding from it.

So every morning my alarm goes off at six, I then stand up and I go to my alarm and I switch it off, just as I switch it off, I stand there and I look at the moment and I go, what can I go do now, it’s dark and its cold and there isn’t really anything I can do at this time, I might as well go sleep for another hour, so I take my phone and I set the alarm for seven, when seven comes, I do the same, only now for another thirty minutes, then I wake up and I get out and do things.

Here comes the problem, no I have to leave in about an hour and a half for doing field work, in this time I have to make coffee, eat and shower and get all my stuff ready for the field work, and then before I leave I have to do calls to certain people to confirm certain things.

So now I skip on coffee and I skip on breakfast and I rush to shower and get ready and to get the other things done, now I remember why I wanted to wake up at six, there was/is quite a few things I had and could have done, but I was just too tired and not inspired to push through the moment of it all and just fall into the bed again, believing its all okay, nothing is being compromised or getting hurt except me.

So there is no harm in me not getting to my stuff, as long as I am in time and as long as I get the things done that includes everyone else. Then everything is okay.

Wow – did I just now write that, I am harming my body through not giving it food and through not supporting myself with let’s say some morning exercise as I sit ALL day on my ass for work, and calling it “there is not consequences, not to mention all the rushing I am doing which is creating stress and a mind full of shit, just because I wasn’t mindful of everything.

Now waking up has become more difficult because I have repeated this pattern to often which then becomes automatic and thus I don’t even have the though process anymore, it’s just natural now, physically integrated into my behavior.

To be continued with SF. Living my utmost potential in all ways best for all life.

The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle

1.       Realising and living my utmost potential

2.       Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3.       Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4.       Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5.       Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6.       Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment  and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7.       Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8.       With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9.       Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10.    Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11.    No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12.    Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13.    Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14.    Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15.    Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16.    Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17.    I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18.    I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19.    Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20.    Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21.    We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22.    The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23.    The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth - See more at: http://activistsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/05/day-532-desteni-of-living-my.html#sthash.j3m9GKsT.dpuf