Day 498 – slowing down – the way of the turtle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider slowing down during my day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in the morning with a rush inside of me, a rush in the fear of not getting to everything that I need to do, or believe I need to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use energy to manipulate myself into movement to get to everything that I need to do, or believe that I need to do.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I use energy to create a rush within me to manipulate me to move myself to get things done, seeing and realizing that this manipulation that is driven by fear is a form of resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that when I am within energy that is of fear/anxiety/stress that I am using these energies to manipulate me into moving and doing what I need to do.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the reason for this energy manipulation is because I have a resistance to what I need to do, and thus I use force such as fear to rush me to do it, NOT seeing and realizing that the rush within me to move me is showing me a point where I haven’t corrected my relationship towards something within my reality within me, the nature of the relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush myself within all the points in my reality where I have established a relationship within me of a “need to do it” – and thus the relationship is against me and what I want to do, and so create friction, where I have made it about what I do instead of who I am within what I do, thus using energy as a force to force me to do it, creating a rush, so that I can rush through it and just get it over with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Keep myself within this rush mode, never slowing down to actually have time, or a moment to check myself, who I am within the moment and why I am experiencing myself the way I am in each breath and to re align it, to change my relationships in my reality within me.

I thus forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that within slowing down I am able to actually see what is here within using breathing as a grounding tool/earthing myself, where I can slow everything down and catch the thoughts and energies that is directing me, and to take direction/authority of me and change my relationship within myself within/towards what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear slowing down will make me lose time and not get to everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect slowing down within and without in my reality that I will not be productive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect negative opinions/believes/ideas to slowing down and being slow within my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I slow down I will be late for something,, seeing and realizing that this is an irrational fear as all fear is irrational, as slowing down within me can be present at all times, even if I am running, and that is the point of slowing down I need to focus on, and to not miss inform myself based on ideas/opinions/believes but to remain practical in a living manner, but to always check that I am quit within me and still like water.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear facing myself when moving slow as who I am within all relationships within me and thus my reality, as I know moving slow will give me time to see and to get real and make real changes that are being avoided within myself and outside of myself by moving fast within me and thus outside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run away from myself and my reality by living fast, I commit myself to always check myself and to slow down and take a breath and keep breathing, to take a slow phase within me and to stop the abusive patterns that isn’t best for me or for all, and to change these patterns by bringing my awareness to them and to be direct with myself.

Day 439 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 4

Day 436 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 1.
Day 437 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 2.
Day 438 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part3.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the power words have for granted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge words as unimportant throughout my life and to thus never focus on developing my vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the vocabulary I do have as just not good enough for me to get round, never developing myself to be better and to be effective within the words I use and live.

When and as I see myself judging myself and my vocabulary as not being good enough for communicating, I stop, I breathe – I give myself a chance to explore myself and my vocabulary and to express myself as my vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my ego to run away from words and learning new words and to instead just rely on energy and focusing my words on jokes and talking bullshit and thus compromising effective communication.

When and as I see myself running away from learning new words/vocabulary, I stop, I breathe – I instead focus on what is here and to give it a try to push through the resistance and the self-limitations of what I have judged new vocabulary as.

When and as I see myself focusing using my words/vocabulary and my time and energy only on making jokes, as a way of avoiding using the words I know and can use but don’t want to just because my ego do not want to as a way of hiding my own potential from myself just to remain in my comfort zone, I stop I breathe – I give myself the time and breathing to put together my words/vocabulary and to speak them once I am clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine myself within learning new words and expanding my own vocabulary.

When and as I see myself undermining myself within learning new words/vocabulary – I stop, I breathe, instead I give myself the time and the breathes I have to go there and to learn new words/vocabulary and to stop the inferiority position I am creating and accepting and allowing within myself a the words I live as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me learning new words and vocabulary as my demise as it conflicts with my self-belief – and to within this never push myself to expand.

When and as I see myself learning new words and it meaning the end of myself as y ego as the limitations and inferiority position I have taken on within myself as my ego to have the ego as my personality where I use not knowing words as a personality trait that keeps me as the ego intact – I stop, I breathe - I see and realize the pattern/reasons/justification and why I have them as the ego, and thus I take self responsibility for myself and my own creation of who I am, and to within this not accept and allow myself to exist as the limited ego and all that keeps the ego in place and to push myself beyond and learn new words/vocabulary – as the words I know are the words I live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the self-belief I have of myself as who I am within not learning new words/vocabulary. Seeing and realizing the resistance I have towards learning new words/vocabulary is the mind protecting itself within the personality design.

When and as I see that I am resisting to learn new words/vocabulary – I stop, I breathe – I see and realize that it is the mind protecting itself through not wanting to go there, thus I Breathe and move myself regardless of the resistance that is here till I have proven to myself that the resistance is but a resistance and does not mean anything I would make myself belief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am the personality that I have assumed since child where I belief that I am not capable of learning new words/vocabulary and to within this belief actually not learn new words/vocabulary – seeing and realizing that it’s not real but only me making/creating it to be real within my actions and attitude towards it.

When and as I see myself having an attitude of limitation within my actions towards learning new words/vocabulary, I stop, I breathe, I change my attitude to be that of expansion of self-perfection of not living as the limited me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the trap of personality designs of myself and to delude myself that they are real and Who I Am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear learning new words/vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that even if I do learn of a new word that I will just forget it, and to within this already give up and not learn new words.

When and as I see myself being in fear when I have to learn new words/vocabulary, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that being in fear towards the point is me as my being, being contaminated by a chemical reaction within my body that then overwrites the actual ability as the body as me as the physical to actually learn quantum time with no fear, no fear needed at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not push myself to learn new words/vocabulary based on the belief that it will just be a waste of time, because I will just not remember and forget, and thus it’s not worth me.

When and as I see myself in a mood or state of not pushing myself to learn new words/vocabulary based on a self-belief I have of myself as not being able/capable of learning new vocabulary, I stop, I breath, realizing that this self-belief that I am continuing to direct me is keeping me in a state of never going there, never even considering to push myself, not even seeing that vocabulary is important till it is to,late, and thus I move myself, I direct myself to deliberately expand and grow my words/vocabulary as a result of growing and expanding myself.

Day 438 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 3.

Day 438 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 1

Day 438 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the power words have for granted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge words as unimportant throughout my life and to thus never focus on developing my vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the vocabulary I do have as just god enough for me to get round, never developing myself to be better and to be effective within the words I use and live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my ego to run away from words and learning new words and to instead just rely on energy and focusing my words on jokes and talking bullshit and thus compromising effective communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine myself within learning new words and expanding my own vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me learning new words and vocabulary as my demise as it conflicts with my self-belief – and to within this never push myself to expand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the self-belief I have of myself as who I am within not learning new words/vocabulary. Seeing and realizing the resistance I have towards learning new words/vocabulary is the mind protecting itself within the personality design.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am the personality that I have assumed since child where I belief that I am not capable of learning new words/vocabulary and to within this belief actually not learn new words/vocabulary – seeing and realizing that it’s not real but only me making/creating it to be real within my actions and attitude towards it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the trap of personality designs of myself and to delude myself that they are real and Who I Am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear learning new words/vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that even if I do learn of a new word that I will just forget it, and to within this already give up and not learn new words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see and realize that it isn’t my ability that is influencing me learning words/vocabulary, but that it is the fear I have towards learning new words/vocabulary that affects me in learning and then keeps the self-belief alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make words more then who I am, and to within this thus separate myself from the words and placing them higher and above me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist new words in the fear of not learning them and just forgetting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not push myself to learn new words/vocabulary based on the belief that it will just be a waste of time, because I will just not remember and forget, and thus it’s not worth me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am not worth a better vocabulary and learning new words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not belief that my own self-worth is more then what I am currently accepting and allowing for myself to exist as.

To be continued.

Day 437 – Frustration, communication and words Part2

continuation of Day 436 - Frustration, communication and words Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated when I do not find the words to express myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up frustration through losing my words through thinking within the mind and building up energy that then directs me, instead of me breathing and directing myself as the words I decide to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to communicate with others from the starting point of energy as the mind as me only then expressing a limited form of what I want to, as I am then only following the energy path way – instead of letting go of energy and opening/expanding myself to what is here as me as the physical expressing the words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Blame others for my frustration within points of communication when the communication isn’t effective and not getting the points through,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that frustration is something that happens to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that frustration is an indication that it is the other person that is the problem, never getting to the solution as I leave the responsibility with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the responsibility of me becoming/making myself frustrated with the other person, seeing and realizing I am dis-empowering myself from stopping and changing the point of frustration and to move forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that participating within frustration from the point of victimizing myself within it, I am creating a cycle of the same patterns happening over and over as I am not taking self-responsibility and change who I am with myself within communication and words/vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the words for not simply being here, and to separate myself from the words, seeing and realizing how I am placing the words out there – instead of being here as breathe and thus the words also being here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from words as something that I must fear and to within the point of communicating with others then experience anxiety/fear while communicating, as NOT having the words and to within this rather give attention to the fear and not what’s here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated with the anxiety/fear of not having the words to communicate effectively with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with how others are communicating and to within this judge how they are comparing as something that comes naturally to them, not seeing that how others are communicating when they are effective is due to them actually giving it the time and practice to become who they are and living it, and thus I see and realize that this is what I must give myself equally and to not be frustrated within the process but rather focus on bettering myself and becoming effectively, being okay with mistakes and then correcting myself, as this is only possible in each breathe when I am not within energy and trapped within a pattern/cycle.
To be continued

Day 436 – Frustration - communication and words. Part 1

In writing and in speaking, I am just not getting my point through – in my head it is and then was as clear as it can be, when I open up my mouth, I lose focus and I lose the point.

This I see is due to me speaking from energy, instead of slowing down and speaking with following the points that’s here, the sequence and basically how they are all connected – having the words/vocabulary to express these points are also necessary.

I do have the vocabulary and the words within me – I can use the words and see them within myself, but as soon as I speak, it’s gone. I can’t find the word.

And this happens quite coincidentally around specific people as well, mostly people that I find I have judged as more than myself, and who I have placed above me in my mind, people who I belief I have to show something, proof something, and this is an contaminated relationship I have within myself with others.

This is due to me getting all excited about my finding/seeing and then I just can’t wait to express it, and then I speak from this excitement/reaction and the energy just floods it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I speak get all excited about what I am about to say, and to within this not keep my breathing stable and to loose the information that is here and to go with the energy as a reaction.

When and as I see myself going into energy/excitement/reaction when I am about to speak, I stop I breathe, I slow myself down and I keep to what is here, as the words and the relevant information and to speak in breathe each word at a time as myself, and to basically learn how to speak properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse excitement as energy as something positive, when I can se the outcome isn’t positive when I follow through on speaking from energy as excitement, but instead compromising myself and my words, and thus what I live.

When and as I see myself within a point of excitement as energy – I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that the excitement that I have judged as positive isn’t what it seems to be, I instead breathe and let go of the excitement and follow through on speaking only once I am clear in the moment, or to move myself out of the energy while speaking slow and breathing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I am the creator of my own frustration in moment of communicating with others when and as I follow excitement/energy as a positive judgment of that energy, which compromised my communication as the words I speak and how I speak them, and to instead lose focus and direction and miss the point.

When and as I see myself being in a state of positive energy as excitement before communicating, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that this positive energy that I want to blindly follow is only positive because of what I have made it within my mind and experiences, and that the actual reality of it is me compromising myself for a quick fix of seeing if I can win – winning within my words, thus rushing for the end goal, instead of breathing and flowing through each word at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge the word excitement as positive based on past memories with which I defined the energy with/as and to within this only see the energy experience and wanting that, not seeing the physical timeline outflow of participating within excitement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump into conversation and to make it something that must be excited or else it’s a waste of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that a conversation that isn’t excited or fun is a waste of my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my time within not slowing down and breathing and to be aware of my words and following through with what I want to say, through rushing in and out and to then never get to the point or the point being directed, and thus becoming frustrated with myself and within myself.

When and as I see that I am approaching a conversation within the starting point of it must be fun and excitement – I stop, I breathe, I slow down and I focus on my breathing where I make myself the directive principle within all things considered and where I make the decision within myself to change the starting point of approaching the conversation as my words as me as that which is best for all life, where each word is accounted for.