I am NOT IMPORTANT - Day 655

I am NOT important

To think you are important can be the biggest thing that holds you back from living your fullest potential.

Here is my self-forgiveness on this topic of thinking I am important. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to THINK that I am important. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the idea as a thought within my mind that I am important.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to look at why and what I believe of myself to be important and where these believes come from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk and talk as if I am important and thus more than others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to be important gives me value as a being, and so I value everything of everyone else except that of myself as principle as who I am and thus stand by as life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am important t than I am destined of r great things that is better than other people’s destinies, thus not seeing and realizing that within this I will do and act in ways that PUSH others down just so that I can be important. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEEL and believe that IF I am not important in the eyes of others then I will have no value and meaning as a being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to WANT to be important as to be seen as MORE than others as to not have to live in FEAR f others as I believe that the idea of being important from others naturally takes away my own fears and insecurities of myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR not being important and thus irrelevant and useless to others and so myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be raised without question by my parents that I am important/special and so more than other people, where this was told to me as an insecurity from my parents of believes they already had of me as NOT being capable, as not surviving in this world and so I had to have an idea of myself as being MORE and so being important, yet accepting and allowing through this within me the polarity of intense fear of not being important and thus NOT surviving/living in this world and failing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within myself the FEAR of that if I am not important then I do not exist and may as well then self-destruct and abuse, and so using the IDEA of I am important as a way to “motivate” myself to be better, to be more than what I believe of myself, SEEING and realizing that this is  a band aid that can be harshly ripped off if I suddenly do not feel important and go into all the point that I believe if myself negatively as the polarity playouts. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how I LOOK makes me important and even so more important than others and how they look like in comparison. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to SEE my life story and what I have gone through and lived as SO fucking important and thus MORE than others that I hold onto this false Idea of what my life means, what it should mean, what it is going to mean, and in the meantime glorifying my own story and making it so important that I am bound to not be important as I disregard all other stories as equally important just to keep myself important to have value and meaning, even going to the lengths of making my story more than what it is just to get that attention of look how important I am. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within self-interest to the degree of selling myself out completely to FEAR just to be important and so give up my living, my expression and my natural breathing in the fear of it not being important enough and losing within this life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize how the idea of me being so fucking important has crippled me from actually being important to myself in a way that matters to me and to all life equally as who I am and standing as, where there is no fear and only self-honesty. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as long as I believe that I a important with a special mission this life, I will always fail as the importance and specialness does not and never will match reality and only creates FEAR of failure and so losing importance and thus never actually being able to take the steps that is needed for change, but rather holding on to a fake state of importance and security as EGO/Illusion. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that as long as I trap myself within the idea/opinion and vision of myself as being important, or someone that will be important, that I trap myself in absolute anxiety and fear of LIVING as everything I do and say and live can always possibly be a failure and that an act of simply not existing or deserving to exist as a mind fuck. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I am No ONE then I have NOTHING to lose, to fear to be anxious about, and ONLY everything to GIVE as who I am standing within my principle as what is best for all LIFE. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others within living in a state of self-importance as an imposed state of being within this reality onto others and so suffocating other people through my own self-importance. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself through living in an illusionary world of my ego as a believer of myself that I am somehow magically important, and thus more than others, where I destroy what is REAL for that which does not exist. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I speak/talk to other people to always have this stance within me of that I am the important person within the conversation and not the other person and so within this Gain nothing and Give nothing except keeping myself trapped in a bubble of illusion. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it HARD within myself to see myself as in fact equal to another human being/life, where I have accepted and allowed the judgment as back chat to exist within me of “ I am doing something different than the other person, I am doing things different,  am different, and this other person is just a normal person” and so I use this as I am more and important and this other normal person isn’t because they are normal, and so disconnect myself from reality here completely and distance myself from actually walking my process as myself real time with the other being and including them in my “different” and vice versa to come to a reality of what s best for all in fact. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to GIVE as little as possible through holding onto the idea/believe that I am important and so have to do less and give less. Thus seeing and realizing that I must be NOTHING and so I have everything to give as I have NOTHING to lose, as they believe and idea of I am important ONLY creates a fear of consistent loss on a physical and emotional level as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as my value, and so my value is everything except one and equal as LIFE.

I fear that when I have nothing to lose, then there is nothing that can stop me from living fully as life (not the idea of life FYI) being careful here of ego again. 

I fear nothing when I have nothing to lose, and what I fear the most to lose is the idea of myself, the believe and these ideas and believes is what I value myself as through others, when my value is that of LIFE one and equal and walking in principle as who I am, then there is nothing to lose and only everything to give.

Day 648 - There is Nothing that Anyone can do to me

Today, as I was browsing through FaceBook to find Desteni related posts and sharing of Destonians to like and share (as my only reason for existing on FB) I came across a post of a quote of Bernard Poolman that once again brought peace to me. Below is the post/quote that I found and so now I will do my Self-forgiveness writings on the points that came up for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the point within the quote of repeating the words "There is Nothing that anyone can do to me" as I reacted within a judgement of "but am I not deluding myself by saying this", and so build up a slight resistance to take the advice and applying it, as and for myself, I do see and realize that I reacted due not fully having context/understanding within the statement of "there is nothing that anyone can do to me" and so I am here writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I read the words "there is nothing that anyone can do to me" to jump immediately into FEARS I have within me of being physically harmed, attacked, abused or tortured, and so going into the back-chat of " but this quote is untrue, there is so many things that other people can do to me" and so missing the point of - There is nothing anyone can do to ME - ME referring to the eternal being that is here as life, and so there is literally within the consideration of eternity nothing anyone can ever do to ME, unless I accept and allow it within me as my being.

I forgive myself for going into immediate thinking and back-chat as the mind after reading those words and having a sense of peace within me, and so contaminate the expression the quote gave me to LIVE through fears, and thinking, and projecting, and over calculating and analyzing every word and every single dimension of it as knowledge and information to keep me from being here, and to remain trapped in the mind as energy/fears.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge having inner peace as wrong. 

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realized by denying myself inner peace I am denying peace within this world, and for me to peacefully walk and bring about what is best for all life, practically without fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must always be in conflict within myself to be able to keep up with the world and the conflict within the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself hurt, broken, and effected by this world within the believe that I must be that to be able to be real, to bring change to this world as what is best for all, not seeing and realizing that I can only create what I am, who I am as my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself inner peace as to always be on guard, to be ready for the worst case scenario's as to NOT be harmed physically, thus always living in fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear and anxiety of being harmed, hurt or anything else being done to me, within the believe that someone or anyone can do something to me as ME the being, yes physical pain is real, yet it ends and I continue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the form of the flesh that I am walking within currently, and so develop fears in relation to the form as the flesh that also control and enslave me as the BEING as long as I accept that - and so have chains on me that keeps me limited and in place to not move and direct myself as effective as possible within this world, as I am trapped in fear of a moment, the moment being this life, one life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the benefits of having inner peace within me within the words of " there is Nothing that anyone can do to me" as this removes the fears of, and in relation to people, and so I can walk as LIFE, fearless, and stand as life fearlessly to bring about what is best for all life within the consideration of eternity as all life as me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be self-honest with myself to what extent I am controlled within the fear of others doing something to me, may it be physical, mental or emotional, and where I will experience myself as negative/bad WITHIN me, and so I see I fear experiencing myself as bad/negative within ME, and thus I fear that this badness/negativity defines me, and so I see and realize that within understanding that everything that effects me as the being, is through me accepting and allowing things to define me within me through what happens outside of me, and thus not yet knowing who I am and standing as who I am as LIFE in fact, which can never be effected by anything in fact within the consideration of eternity as the true consideration of all life as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed experiences that are induced through the physical to define me/who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that experiences that are induced through physical events HAS to and MUST define me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how others react to me, talk to me, defines me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how others behave towards me MUST define me, MUST mean something about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe how people respond/comment or give opinions towards me must define me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ANYONE to be able to do ANYTHING to me through taking everything personally, through existing as a personality character based on energy, believes and opinions, that isn't real as WHO I AM, and thus can be destroyed in a single moment, and thus I see and realize that each and every-time someone is able to effect me, I must end that part of me and so end all parts of me that is of personality till only LIFE as who I am stands for eternity and thus "there is nothing that anyone can do to me" through ending what isn't real and standing as what is real. to be the change to end the cycles of repeated history.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to THINK instead of breathing here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to JUSTIFY, instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLAME instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to VICTIMIZE, instead of breathing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make everything HARDER than what it is, instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT breathe in simplicity, here as life.

I commit myself to when and as I see I am going into the mind, as thinking, as analyzing, instead of being here, to STOP, to BREATHE and to move as what is real/eternal as who I am as LIFE,  and so LIVE " there is Nothing that anyone can do to me" in fact.

I commit myself to repeat this statement to myself as much as possible daily, and specifically when I feel someone is doing something to me, till I am living this statement in fact and so enable myself to walk fearlessly as LIFE as that which is real. '

LIFE and Wishing for Support, Day 604 – Day 7 of 21

a bit of sharing on my process in here as well. enjoy

Behold the world upon you and let your vision see its potential as what is best for all life, now move as required to ensure that every action you take no matter what that it is or who you must be and stand as to manifest that vision, break every limitation and move through every fear as you know they are but programs – Wishing will only diminish the vision as it will never meet reality to become real.

These are but empty words as they have no backup, no walking backing the talking, they float in the air as potential still, they are here to LIVE, am I willing, can I WILL myself to push myself beyond what I believe is possible, can I face my fears and insecurities and BE that of LIFE and stand as that principle to mold and shape myself as what is here and required.

The question is, how much can I sit and wish for change, how long can I wait till I am out of time, shall my fears and programmed believes of what is possible and what isn’t determine my time? Sit and think about them, place myself already in the future of failure as the current character I am? Or shall I walk the talk, the vision in living, is it possible, this is the first thought to cloud me already, will I be able to? Perhaps wishing and waiting is a better option, I might as well fail before starting.

Have I forsaken the one principle? Have I but only become a man in flesh that has no part or access to the whole of who I am as LIFE? Why can I not trust LIFE as me, the universe, the mind has me, I am inside the mind, I have thoughts, I feel with energies even though what I feel with my hands are more real and relevant. I am not aware of the child starving to death on the other side of the planet, or in this case not so far from here in Africa.

There is a ONE, this one moves in equality at all times, this equality is not necessarily as what I might perceive, it isn’t a polarity based equality, it is a equality of standing as who I am, this equality is a frightening one, but yet it can be the utmost potential as well. It is a matter of stopping the mind. I am always one and equal to what I stand as, as ME as who I am, and the One as the Principle as the universe as LIFE as ME that I have separated myself from through a mind consciousness system, directs every and all in accordance with my standing and every other co-creator. This is mathematics.

How do I know this? I was there once, I was shown by a man I knew, he gave me the moment, the breathe to experience LIFE, I was but a teenager, innocent of the mind I existed as and still do. I had abilities beyond what I have now, I could feel physically everything, I could see what systems and designs existed within peoples around me, I could show them I could see beyond the veil of what is here as our current perceptions of reality that is literally built and based on brainwashing and we cannot see anything further than that. I know it possible, I lost it all as I gave into one moment of fear.

For a moment in time, I stood not as a personality or a mind, I stood as something else, yet in the amarute stage of learning and getting to know who I was without a mind consciousness system, I stood as LIFE, all of existence, I could communicate with life, the chair and the curtain in a living room, the rocks laying on the floor, everything is ME and I am IT = LIFE. I had no knowledge or information on what I was living, I lived it, NO fear, no emotions or feelings, the connection as LIFE transcends all pitiful experiences and brings a TRUE feeling forth that is actually genuine and real it cannot be moved, it isn’t energy based, it is to actually be one and equal with all that is HERE.

I fell not because I had a mind, I fell because I as the being gave permission for the mind consciousness system to set back within me, this I know was deliberate, I made that decision in that moment, afer but only a few weeks of walking this new way as LIFE – I realize only much later in my journey with Desteni that what I have done is what I am still doing, every day is a deliberate decision to walk as the mind and to validate fear, any thought is fear, any emotion is fear, any thought is fear, any memory is fear, take a look for yourself – why else would they just come up” it is survival programming, and that’s the only reason they exist and that we give it attention and allowance and acceptance and we miss life completely.

I share this in this way not because I know more, not because I have a secret about it, not because I have something special, it is to share part of my journey, many will not understand or see what I am saying, but the following point I want to bring up is – I was able to do that, to live that, to be that LIFE in oneness and equality, I am my own proof that it is possible to live without a mind consciousness system and that through living in oneness and equality as LIFE brings forth gifts, it brings forth something that isn’t possible to be comprehended by the mind, the mind is a total and absolute limitation – YET even with all that now as knowledge and information, why do I still choose the mind every day? Not as much as I used to, but just enough to keep me a mind consciousness system, as if I am afraid to give myself over to myself as LIFE as existence, as the universe.

And back to my point, if I am afraid to give myself over to LIFE and to move and live and stand as LIFE without the mind consciousness system, then within the principle of oneness and equality I will receive as I give, I will be done onto as I am doing onto, so LIFE will not give to me, I am not willing to give myself to LIFE absolutely.

So I end up wishing that LIFE will care for me, that other part of me that I am abandoning, and fear returning too, already before death. So I want to stay save as a mind, as a thought, as a fear, and wish that LIFE will see my intentions and give to me as I feel, as I want, yet not willing to GIVE all of me back to ME/LIFE. Even having the knowledge and information of having been there, stood there, lived it and know it’s possible.

When living is traded in for postponement it turns into a currency called knowledge and information, and so the living is lost between all the knowledge and information and the information and knowledge now has the value and the living has lost all its potential. This is the trap of the mind and what I have seen, how I seek a way through knowledge and information to live and stand as LIFE one and equal as I have/did once in an amateur way, but I was there, as a way to do it save, as I am fearful of the unknown as I know life has no fear, life has no limitations, life isn’t personal, it is all inclusive and one and equal to and as all, and that’s the part of me I fear.

There is still a very long way to walk I know, yet it is always HERE in breathe. My process with Desteni and the tools and the message and all the research and support and assistance through Eqafe, I know I have no excuse, as I always choose in fact.

To be continued with SF next blog.

Day 529 - fear is an interesting emotion

 

fear is an interesting emotion. It is almost a consistent feeling we anticipate/expect within our realities. For example when a snake comes along people freak out, as if the response was already there in a fear just lashing out and screaming and wanting to harm and kill in Fear of what the person fear can maybe happen. I have observed fear in slow motion, specifically with a snake and me handling a wild snake. The fear isn't my own as I can see it come from a pre response that I integrated from my parents and others when I was young, yet I accepted the fear as my own. You should see how a snake respond to people who has fear. The more fear the more the snake becomes aggressive and actually only then put everyone in danger. Blaming the snake. Meantime our fear creates what we fear and it isn't even our fear. We were taught the fear. If we react about or towards something with fear then we can know that we have been living in fear the whole time. That something is just revealing what we exist as

Day 435 – Fear – False Evidence Appearing Real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “make up” evidence within my mind of why the fear I am experiencing is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief the false Evidence as thoughts that I have within my mind when and as I am faced with talking with new people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that thoughts that I have about others within my mind is “evidence” for why I must fear others.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the thoughts I have about others exist only in my mind and thus isn’t evidence at all, but made up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts about other people based on bits and pieces of information I have about them or that I have obtained from them and to then create thoughts from the information/memories and to give it forth to myself in my mind as Evidence for why I must fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the same thoughts over and over within my mind that I have about/towards others and to then starts believing these thoughts and to create fear, a I have not though physically integrating the thought’s within and as my body though repetition made them seem real because I am experiencing it physically, and then to fool myself into believing its real.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have repeated the same thoughts I have about/towards people over and over in my head till I physically integrated them as ME as who I am to a point where I am experiencing the thoughts physically as energy, and in this case fear, and to then belief it to be real, not seeing and realizing that I created it and made it real only within myself and how I am experiencing myself – and that in fact its only existing within me and not about the other person/people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat thoughts I have within myself about others from a point of fear, over and over within myself, making it real and manifesting it as my body to a point where the fear is real in my body and mind, yet in reality as the one dimension we all share it isn’t real and none existing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I have ONE thought about/towards another to belief that this thought must mean something, and to then entertain the thought through repeating it over and over in my mind till I made it meaning something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create/make others something to fear though making/creating it within myself within my mind as the thoughts that I keep repeating/entertaining within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as I have a thought about another to belief that it must be Valid, because I had the thought, it must be indicating something, and to within this fall into the rabbit hole, instead of Not going there and breathing and working with what’s here physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make Life more difficult living with other humans and other beings here on earth through existing only to protect self-interest as my feelings/thoughts/personalities and to within this way of living always fall for the thoughts that I have to create fear as a way of protecting my self-interest, my own bubble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather focus on the thoughts I have instead of the physical points of participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts about myself, where these thoughts as Judgments in its design, and where judgments are always from a point of separation and thus fear, and to always place myself in a position of fear from the self-judgments I have and then creating judgments in comparison towards/about others.

To be Continued.

Day 262 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 10

Day 262 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 10

“Every day I assume a Character that I expect everyone wants to see of me, I assume that this is the only character that is acceptable by everyone around me”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume a character everyday out of the believe that I have to or I will Die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I have to assume a character everyday just to get around and survive the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Assume any and all characters necessary to survive the day, even if it means losing myself and my integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself To believe that I need to assume a character in order to live Life, not seeing and realizing that I can live Life anyway without characters/masks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself o go into characters that I created deliberately as a response to what I fear in live to hide the fear or to attempt to avoid the fear, never facing my fear within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create characters that I believe others want to see me as everyday that I play and pretend to be just to not to have to face points I fear from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that the characters/masks I wear play every day is for others, seeing and realizing that I put them on for myself to hide my insecurities/fears/judgments and everything about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear NOT going into character and playing the roles with the masks as I fear what might or might not happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what Might or might not happen when and as I do or do not play the characters I have made myself believe that others want to see me as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Live my Life according to what I fear or do not fear and to within this create characters/masks that I enslave myself to as a personality that is addicted to energy as thoughts/feelings/emotions to move and direct me and my life accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have enslaved myself to the characters that I play every day as a personality suite that I wear as the WHO I AM everyday around people or even alone just to be save and to preserve my own self interest of fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Who I Am as my personality that consists of many characters I play s a creation of and as fear and thue when and as I accept and allow myself to defend and define myself according to who I am currently that I am actually saying I am FEAR.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in dishonesty towards myself as who I believe I have to be as the characters I play every day in front of everyone and or in different situations as I believe that it is what keeps me save and protected and that it is the only way, not seeing and realizing that I am actually just locking/enslaving myself to and as Fear as the mind as the thoughts/feelings/emotions I have created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can not change who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i must play the roles that I have played for so long everyday even if it compromises me and my world and everyone within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I can create who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear creating myself and to believe that it is wrong to change myself in the eyes of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing myself in the believe that the changes I have to make will weaken me and make my stand within this world weaker and that I will not be able to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing who I am to that which is best for all in always in absolute certainty as myself within the fear that I might lose my ability to survive within this world, not seeing and realize than my change then is not what is best for all life but just a compromise and thus I am not yet self honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and live as survival within all and any character I play and that all of Who I Am currently as my personality no matter how positive or negative it is, is all in the name of survival and fear.

To be Continued.

Day 261 – The Pattern of Who I Am Part 9

Continuing from Part 1 till here and more.

Taking the Parts from Part 1 to 3 and applying Self Forgiveness on them one at a time, each point.

Today’s Point: “see how I have used the back chat within my mind as a way to reason and make it all seem so True and real and that it is so tempting to just use that as a weapon to burst out at someone when they ask me to do something for them, so that they can feel bad and shit”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate/use back chat within my mind in secret to reason with myself as a way to create reason/opinions that I can use towards/against others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a evil professor sitting in the back of my head talking to myself and making options and poisons up inside my head as the backchat and the gossip and the thinking as weapons to attack and harm and WIN against others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the secret mind as back chat where I sit in the dark in my head by myself talking to myself and having conversations with myself where I actually argue and reason with myself and even play scenarios where I win against myself as a way to test my secret weapons I am creating with the words I use and place as a way to win even if it means I have to use nuclear words against others as any means to win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I participate within back chat and gossip within my mind where I am all by myself that I am actually having no cross-reference at all what so ever and that such bullshit can never be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as I reason with myself within my mind where I pretend in my mind that it is actually reasoning, LOL seeing and realizing that it is just me fucking with myself as reasoning requires two people talking for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that any kind/type of reason I come to within my mind is actually valid, as the reason I create within my mind with myself cannot be reasoning as it was created from me talking to myself??? Mental problem it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the difference between any “normal” person and a mentally ill person is that the mentally ill person simply say what’s in their head out loud and thus they are actually more honest then any normal person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can reason and create reasoning skills and create “new” reasoning skills within my mind talking to myself in secret where I will play out scenarios where I always win arguments and fights and so forth as a way to prepare myself for the real thing, not seeing and realizing that this is always in my disadvantage as it always gives me a false everything of reality as it was/is constructed within a alternate reality that is of energy and fuzzy logic and not the facts in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accept and allowed myself to have back chat when and as someone asks me to do something for them and to within this back chat always first defend my limitations and to then quickly look for ways to fight with my words to Win even if it means I limit myself and enslave myself to the limitations of the minds reasoning of weird logic based on self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react when someone asks me to do something for them to Immediately create of bring up the “reasoning” I prepared within my mind as a weapon to attack someone that I deliberately tested and tried within my mind to see if it will hurt the other person or make them feel shit/bad and like crap for asking just to feel that I have a sense of power back where I am not a slave that simply do what I am asked and to feel that I have no authority to decide if I will do what I am asked or not, not seeing and realizing that I am abusing other people and myself and that in fact all that is required of me in situations such as this is for me to breathe and to consider what is here in and as the physical and make a decision of yes or no accordingly and do it or not or arrange other time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the evil within me that I have created myself as when and as I sit by myself back-chatting gossiping by myself where I deliberately test and try out reasoning skills towards/about/against another being to deliberately with the intention to harm them when and as I use the reasoning I create within my mind just to win or have some sick self interest feeling/emotion to be fulfilled as energy rush of winning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately want to make others feel shit/bad just for asking me a simple things such as doing something for them just because I have some personal issues I have to sort out within myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be bad to create myself as, as it all exist within me all the time and thus I am always responsible and cannot take it out on others or myself but that I must forgive myself and see what I am doing in the moment and to breathe and to then take a deep breath and decide based on the principal of what is best for all in all ways.

To be continued

Day 260 – The Pattern Of Who I Am Every Day Part 8

I have in my Mind only defended and fought for my own limitations just for the sake of proving my Fear was right?? What’s that all about??

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear within me that I might be asked to do something for someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this fear within me that I might be misused or abused by others for my abilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my abilities special and unique within my mind, seeing and realizing that as I have made my abilities special I fear that others will abuse it and use it only because they can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as I have abilities that I can apply where others cannot and that when they ask me for help to feel like I am being abused and used, not seeing and realizing the fact as the physical that I am capable and able to do certain things others can yet what they need to get done still remains and that it is my responsibility as the one with the abilities to help them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this fear of maybe they will/are abusing me for what I can do just so that they do not have to train and learn how to do the things by themselves as I did.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back chat of “ if I could do it with hard work and training so can they” to exist within me, not seeing and realizing that everyone had different physical bodies that is specific and also a result of genetics that they cannot always help for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to others when they ask me to do something for them within the fear of that they might now just be taking advantage, seeing and realizing that I am the only one not taking advantage of myself to test and upgrade my abilities in that moment to push myself beyond my own limitations of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I fear others will take advantage/abuse my abilities because I fear pushing myself and getting out of my comfort zone within my mind where I have this abilities but never use them to bring myself to my full potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I only fear myself and that I might abuse myself when and as I use my abilities to their fullest as I know myself and that I can never stop even when it is required as my ego kicks in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself as my abilities through only wanting to limit them within not applying myself as my abilities equally for all when and where it is possible and to only remain a slave to my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that it is abusing myself when and as I am not using my abilities that others do not equally have as the physical points through trying and attempting to hold myself/abilities from others as a way of spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful towards others when and as they ask me for help through reacting and wanting to make myself un available to them as to achieve a goal where I can say look what I have and you can’t have it just to feel more special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my behavior as the result of my back-cat and inner gossip is a result of me attempting to be spiteful which is always self abusing within holding myself back and limiting myself and remaining a slave to energy as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it makes me powerful and strong to have abilities others need/want and that I can withhold it from them if I feel like it, not seeing and realizing that what I do onto another is what I want to be done onto me will be in play at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I live in fear of others asking me to do something for them as I have already judged that others will not do anything for me within my mind through gossip and back chat from once upon a time in the past where it was done so onto me and now I place this judgment onto all.

To be continued.

Day 259 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 7

Here I continue with the last Blogs I stopped at just before the power went off here for three days and two nights – thanks for understanding if you are a reader of this blog.

Last time I was doing Self forgiveness on the points I discussed in Part 1 and Part two.
“I believe that in my mind I can prepare myself to face this fear.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I can prepare myself within my mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions to Face my Fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that it is within the Mind that I create Fear in the first place, as I always take things from reality as the physical and place it into a energy experience through the mind through how I perceive/judge reality which then turns into a reaction and fear as the mind tends to always make something more then what it is in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have a fear and that I am trying/attempting to “prepare” myself to face this fear that I am actually just keeping the fear alive within me as I am giving it recognition and validation as if it requires special attention and thus it must be real, making it real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have fear within me towards/about others/things that it is always about me as it is only within me and not about the others/things as I am the one creating the fear within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear within me towards about others/things through the back chat and judgments and gossip I have with myself in my own mind where I generate energy which usually ends up as fear as it is dishonest because I know I am doing it all in secret in the dark and that what goes on in my mind I do not dare expose or live because I know it is all lies and only abusive in its nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself about the fears I have through believing that it is created within me through what others do and say and think when and as I can see that I am the one with the fear and that when and as I participate within secret as back-chat and gossip in my mind that I am creating the fears and the energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the fear that I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make others responsible for the fear that I have within me, seeing and realizing that I fear admitting that I am the one that created the fear and that I can thus stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take responsibility for my fears as the creator of my fears, seeing and realizing that I have created the fears as a way to not to have to take responsibility for myself as Who I Am within and as myself and what I accept and allow within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fears within me as a way to excuse myself from having to take responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fears within me as a way to justify and reason my way out of having to take self responsibility for myself and this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest with myself about my fears and why I have created them and that I have created them myself through participating within the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions and as all the Back-chat and gossip I do in secret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that all fear is from existing within self interest and the believe/idea that I am separate from everything else.

To be continued.