Day – 434 – Oh shit, I forgot to LIVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly prepare myself to live, instead of living.

When and as I see myself preparing myself to live – I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am here I am alive, and there is no need to make more out of it and to simply be here and LIVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in a constant state of anxiety/fear as my experience while preparing my future in my thoughts all the time and how to live, instead of living here in each breathe.

When and as I am in fear/anxiety – I stop, I breathe – I check myself and what is it that I am preparing myself for to LIVE and why and to launch a full detailed self-investigation and to deconstruct the mind and what I am participating within in the moment and to bring myself back to the Physical in each breathe though understanding that what I am experiencing is NEVER real and just made up.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to LIVE, to be here as breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see that I have been stuck in my thoughts and my experience of myself as fear/anxiety as a result of the thoughts I have about living and what I want to live instead of being here as breathe alive/living.

When and as I see myself thinking and being in thoughts about the next moment/second or further into the future about what I want to live and how and where and when and why, I stop, I breathe – I realize that this isn’t living but just me creating fear/anxiety and a prison for myself to not live but only to protect self-interest and limitations as one’s own mind/ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort within the fear/anxiety, within the belief that the fear/anxiety as the result of the thoughts I have are keeping me save. Not seeing and realizing that they are actually keeping me a prisoner of my own mind.

When and as I see myself creating fear through participating within thoughts from the belief that I am doing this to keep myself save, I stop, I breathe - I realize that I am creating the fear/anxiety and thus the problem within myself first, and thus once I have created the problem as the fear/anxiety within myself, that all I can see outside myself are problems as everything I see and do will be from the point of fear – instead of physical considerations and practicality in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to LIVE a definition of the word live – where the definition is built on fear and limitation within the mind as the thoughts/feelings/emotions I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word LIVE as something that has to happen within fear/anxiety and constant thoughts/feelings/emotions existing within self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Define the word LIVE from what I experience within myself as the thoughts/feelings/emotions I have within the belief that I can only live and be alive if I am experiencing something – does not matter if it’s negative or positive.

When and as I see that I am within an positive/negative experience of myself within the Idea/belief that this energy within me means I am alive, I stop, I breathe – I realize that this experience within me is actually indicating that I am not alive and just a robot reacting on the input given to me through electrical circuits within my body coming from the input I receive from outside of myself as stimulation, instead of me directing each moment as a living being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach an IDEA to the definition of the word LIVE - that LIVING must be a positive experience, otherwise I am not living.

When and as I find myself telling myself that I am alive when and as I am in a positive experience of myself, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that this is me bullshitting myself as I know its just energy and will wear off and then what?? I am dead lol. – seeing and realizing that I am alive and living when I am here breathing and not dependent on any energy to give me a high or a low as an experience, simply hold my breath for ten seconds and see what matters the most. Energy or a single breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea that LIVING must be a positive experience and as long as I am not positive I am not alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to LIMIT myself within defining living as something that must be positive or negative, seeing and realizing that if I redefine living to a physical practical doing as who I am in each breathe and not as something where I seek Energy, then I am alive and always living and all that’s required for me is to determine myself in each moment and who I am as the directive principle instead of waiting or depending on an experience to decide for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to EXPECT a certain Idea about myself to become real first before I can say I am alive and living, seeing and realizing that this Idea/expectation will always change in time and never be what I seek in the moment and thus I am creating a state of depression for myself – instead of living here in each breathe within what’s HERE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not LIVE in each breathe as each breath’s support in the physical that’s not dependent on an experience but a physical application and movement.

Day 433 – Indicators to reach Self-Perfection.

Is it possible to reach self-Perfection? Now I am not talking about self-perfection like when you take a look in the mirror and wanting to see self-perfection as a Picture.

I am talking about self-perfection as self, as who I am and who you are and then what I do and what you do.

Now, the question has been, how do I know what to do and to change to reach self-perfection? Where do I start and what is the indicator’s I must look out for to know what I must do and when and how?
First of all, I realized that I have to be serious about reaching self-perfection; I had to make a decision within myself that I am going to move and direct myself to self-perfection and within that, it takes time, dedication and effort and thus patience yet movement.

and realizing that I cannot do this alone, this is why earth is such a awesome place, everything has consequences and feedback and thus a chance to correct and learn and self-realize, not just because there are humans here, but because everything is Here as the physical.  

This decision within self/myself I had to make first, because this is where I establish the relationship with myself, and who I will be within what comes next, the indicators that will indicate where and what I must do and when.

BUT before I go into what the indicators are I want to bring up another point to consider on self-perfection, to take into account, self-perfection isn’t what people believe it to be, we all have this idea attached to “perfection” in itself, these are two different things, self-perfection is about self and my/your reality/world that you/I participate within and who we are within it.

Thus SELF-PERFECTION is about self, not other people, not about judgment and comparisons; it is something we do for ourselves all ways regardless of what others say/think. It is perfecting self.

Back to the indicators: the indicators can be seen and be explained in many ways – I like to always give a “personal example” to give people a concept to understand and to see for themselves in their own life a similar point.

So here is my example, a very simple daily thing.

Every day in my house there are these things all around the house called Dishes – Humans use these things on a daily basis more than ones, I myself understand the frustration of wanting to reach for a cup to have some coffee and then there isn’t any cups, not even one, I look to the sink and I see, OH they are all dirty, so I know I am a culprit in this, if I wasn’t, then there would have been a clean cup every now and then, the one I washed, but I didn’t, just like everyone else, we tend to do what everyone else is doing, so it must be normal, because they are doing it, it means they are accepting and allowing it and thus I can do it. because now they will not be angry at me for not doing it, so we are all now stuck in this “silent agreement” that no one has to do their own dishes and we will all just “enjoy” life till someone has to do the accumulated dishes, its standing like everywhere on the counter.

So I took it upon myself to do all my dishes, not as a way to be righteous or spiteful or to back up a future conflict where I can stand in the “right” and not in the wrong and make everyone else feel shitty.

NO – it started this way, I made an agreement with myself to work towards self-perfection – for myself, so what happened after every cup of coffee or after every plate of food, I would finish the coffee or food and I would walk to the sink and I would find that there isn’t any space to place my dishes – But there was another way, and it was like the only way, it was really a very clear indicator for me what had to happen next – I had to actually wash my own dishes and dry it off and put it away, because the only space left was the space we made for them to stay, in the cupboard and clean.

But that wasn’t the real indicator, that was just a accumulated point of consequences and now the INNER ME as who I am as that which determines what I do was exposed to me, and the reasons behind why I always just wanted to put my plate or cup down and Go.

These indicators came up within me in that moment when I did not find a space to place my dishes, it was a reaction, a thought and then there was this thing called resistance, and then the resistance showed me as a mini projector playing in my head what needs to happen next, which was me seeing myself washing my dishes and drying them off and placing them in the cupboard – and then why I did not want to do it. This revealed a point of Laziness and a point of inconvenience and thus comfort-zone.

Let me give you another example if that one wasn’t to clear: I was fetching a bottle for myself from the store room and another one for another person, I saw that they were both full of dust and needed to be washed, so I went to the house, I knew I had to wash my bottle now, and I had the thought of washing the other persons bottle as well, but I had this resistance of doing it, because it’s the other persons bottle so he must wash it himself, so as I went to the person I handed over his bottle, But I did it feeling guilty, because I knew that I was going to wash my bottle and could have just washed his as well, but instead went against what I knew. So I started washing my bottle and the other person says to me, so why are you not also washing my bottle, I mean you must have known it needed to be washed before we could use it, yet you give it back to me dirty and full of dust but you will wash only yours? Then I laugh from a guilty conscious and said, I knew it, I wanted to do it but instead went against it, and I took the bottle and I washed it as well.

See the point of self-perfection is to do what you Know you must be doing, not what I think you must be doing, what you know you must be doing, there is a difference, thinking what you must be doing it where the mind is making decisions on made up stuff, Knowing what you need to do it real time real physical things that is here, it isn’t deniable and its haunting – it’s like walking past the cat food bowl and seeing its empty and just going, It needs to be filled, YET leaving it because apparently its someone else’s job, and then a week later the cat is dead, and then you go, I knew it.

The indicators are usually in the forms of resistance and then the moments of KNOWING what you must be doing, instead of what one is doing, its these things that if one starts doing it you will find yourself changing in a way that’s not predictable, because they are moment to moment dependent, breathe by breathe – unless its set stuff, scheduled, they are also just important but it’s not getting to the scheduled things that later on create the same moments where one goes, I knew I should have don’t that.

So how does this lead to self-perfection? Well it’s about self, it’s about you, it’s about me and who we are and what we are capable of doing that is best for ALL life in our own self change/perfection. 
Where we perfect ourselves as who we are in each breathe. Which is something we all still need to discover, yes it’s not impossible because it’s not picture related, it’s not energy related, it’s not limited to mind fantasies and imaginations, its physical living, which we all can do and perfect ourselves within.

It is those moments when you know – when you see it’s something you resist doing, when its compassionate, when its considerate when it’s not within self-interest, when it’s not about just self, when its more and beyond self, where one has to move to, where one has to let go of the limitations and the excuses and the justifications and the self-righteous reasons/logic/back-chat and where ones expands oneself in each breathe in each moment and where one becomes the universe, as you in reverse.

FYI – don’t confuse this with when you “think” I should probably go to that party now, because its been on my mind all night that I should probably go But I am not because I am resisting being with that other person etc, NO – remember the difference between thinking and knowing, knowing is, when even if there is a party going on that you are not going to – you KNOW you are staying home because you KNOW you must stop drinking and rather do some work around the house, which has been avoided through going to parties all the time – For Examples sake.

Day 432 – Children starve to death every day Part 1

                                                            LIVING INCOME . ME

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I am not responsible for the thousands of children starving daily and dying of starvation daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make it my problem that thousands of children are starving daily and dying of starvation daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am separate and different from the children starving daily and dying of starvation daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that the Thousands of children starving daily and dying of starvation daily isn’t my problem just because I am not affected by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that as long as my life is okay then the thousands of children starving and dying of starvation daily isn’t a problem, JUST because I am still okay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that this makes me a psychopath in fact – where I can accept and allow the suffering and Murder of children on a daily basis where it is obviously preventable and does not have to exist for anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it difficult to see the connection between me being responsible for a child dying of starvation and how I am living my Life – seeing and realizing how I have separated myself from LIFE and how things in fact work and function as a whole on this one planet and that we are all one and equal in the substance we all are made of and one in how we function.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny even the possibility that I am in fact connected and one with everything that is here and how everything functions on earth and within the physical reality as a mathematical equation we all can apply and check for ourselves and thus that I am in fact responsible for the thousands of children dying each and every day of starvation which is a most basic need not met and that is most possible preventable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not even give it the slightest effort to investigate how I am responsible for a child dying of starvation in another country and how I can become a solution instead and to create a world where not one child will ever die of something as preventable as starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to MAKE my life too busy with everything that is irrelevant and not important in life and call it living while children are dying from one of the most BASIC needs not being met for them as one of the most preventable things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ENJOY a life of ignorance and bliss as a deliberate way of ignoring the problems that exist and not facing these problems as a co-creator on earth and fixing it and bringing about a world that is best for all and doing onto another as I would like to be done onto – just so that I can have fun while Billions suffer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the problems on earth such as children dying of starvation on a daily basis will simply sort itself out.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to TRUST that the system I live in and participate within has assigned highly intelligent people to sort out the problems on earth such as starvation/poverty/famine/war – and to use this Blindly trusting point to justify my actions of self-interest and greed as my sorted out life where all is just good, and for me – NOT seeing and realizing that it is these so called intelligent people that has created the system that is here where all these monstrosities exist and that they have been in charge for many many many years and yet things are only getting worse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-responsibility as a co-creator on earth and what exist here though my direct and indirect participation as that which I accept and allow through saying – it’s okay there are people who have studies and who have degrees and who have the brains to sort the things out for me/us/our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to MAKE it so fucking inconvenient for myself to take self-responsibility and to take practical steps of self-corrections and to really start self-investigation and investigating what is here and how I can as one man/women as one vote make a difference with my fellow man and to bring about a world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the shit we are in as a whole as the humans on earth, when I see a child dying of starvation or hear about it on TV to not even have the slightest care in the world and just watch it like it is a movie and as if the child was just something dying, and now imagining that everyone is like this, what monsters we are to even allow ONE child to die as a whole of something such as starvation and not yet to mention ALL the other horrible monstrous things existing on this planet through human creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make being popular more important then what really matters on earth such as bring about a world that is best for all life and to not stop till it is so in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make looking good and having lots of parties and wearing the right cloths and being a perfect robot more important then what really matters here on earth as the Physical, as that which we cannot live without as LIFE as earth as the animals as the air we breathe and having a planet where NO abuse exist that is preventable in all ways.

To be continued.

Happy New Year readers.

Day 431 – Just another Happy new Year's Blog for 2014

Everyday about 3.4 million blogs is written and blogged, here is one of them for this day.

When I say may all our creations become real, I am not saying it in a positive and good way, I am saying it so that we can stop and take a good look at what those words mean for 2014 and beyond. as that which we are creating on a daily bases in a silent agreement as a whole, through our direct or indirect participation, both requires our acceptance and allowance to exit and be here – I mean the news and the radio and the Internet and everything existing on earth – of which we can all agree is mostly negative shit while we all try and pretend we are so positive and always good and happy.

War is still on going and it has only worsened, when will there NOT be war on earth, it’s like the one thing we ALL do not want to exist and yet it’s not happening, war just isn’t ending, it is like this tiresome thing that always just continues to exist – and war is growing like a Cancer, it is spreading into all parts of this one body we all share called earth, just look around how many countries are now at war and how many has been devastated and destroyed and turned to waste land and we are the cancer because war exist only through the human species, but we are also the cure if we are willing to look at the problems and find solutions together as one as equals.

Poverty: I can say the exact same thing here, Poverty is something NONE of us want for ourselves or others, it is something none of us want to exist here on our planet, YET after decades, after thousands of years we still have poverty, we haven’t evolved to be better at all – STILL up to 30 000 children under the age of five die DAILY of starvation/poverty, Poverty is getting worse and worse, these days well educated and people with degrees are seen homeless and not finding a single job for themselves, we are losing it.

Environment – we are destroying the earth by the seconds in masses, we are moving at a great and consistent pace within destroying the forest’s and the ocean and all other parts of the world, Fuck even deserts, we humans are really persistent in what we do, we make sure we destroy every pat of earth just so that we can at least say we were thorough, for such small and almost none existent species as ourselves when compared to the earth itself, we are still the ones destroying our own planet, as if it is our goal to do so and as if there is a prize for us at the end of it all.

What’s going to happen in 2014 that is New – a BIG nothing, nothing new is going to happen, we are a ball of Ice rolling down a mountain of ice, its going one direction and the snow ball is just getting bigger and it’s going to reach the bottom with a very big Smash, maybe that will be when something has changed, but then it will not be for what is best for all and what we all actually would like, it will be everything that is Shit and evil that existed this year just more and bigger of it all.

People have been saying for hundreds of years Happy new year, yet there is no new year, it’s just another next day with everything else moving the exact same way as before, maybe its different for kids as they are almost leaving school and going into higher grades, YET the Jobs in this world is getting lesser and lesser and money is getting lesser and lesser, so do people want this new and bright and promising year coming? I for one would not call it anything so it seems that it is as if it is a new beginning.

If each year was a new beginning, then each year we all would start over with No debt existing for anyone and all wars would stop and all poverty would be eradicated and all environmental damage and destruction would be reversed and everything would be formatted and reset and restarted and then we can call it a new year, otherwise it’s just another day of everything existing the exact same way and another way for people to make lots of money on this special new year’s day.

Catching my drift?? Its keeping it simple and real.

So – I suggest that for ALL who have ears and who can hear and those with eyes who can see, to make ti your goal this year to investigate and support and join and vote for the LIG (living Income Guaranteed) and let us all create a new way of life, a path for us all that’s better and best.

Day 430 - Is this Possible - Standing as all Characters Part 3

previous
.Day 428 - Is this Possible - Standing as all Characters Part 1
Day 429 - Is this Possible - Standing as all Characters Part 2

When and as I see myself separating myself from other characters that are here in this world as the humans through judgments, I stop I breathe and I stand stable within breathing and do not accept or allow any judgment within me that is of separation from another.

When and as I see myself accessing the “belief” or the automated pattern where I “belief” that I have to judge other people as their characters in a good/bad manner in order to feel save and to only protect my own self-interest – I STOP, I breathe, I see and realize that it is but only a Belief and a Pattern that I have automated to protect only my own self-interest, and that within this I am separating myself from the other being and thus creating “fear” within myself that is unnecessary and only sabotaging myself and the other person.

When and as I see that I am within the Pattern as the Behaviors and the thoughts/back-chat within me where I am attacking/judging another in a good or bad way just to protect my won fears/self-interest, I stop I breathe and I rather direct myself and what I give attention to, to myself and my breathing and me being here as the Physical in practicality and learning to know thyself as another.

When and as I see myself judging myself as the characters that I have accepted and allowed myself to become/exist as in a good/bad relationship just so that I can judge another characters/people to feel good/bad about myself as a way to fuel the energy that I am addicted to as the patterns that I have constructed for myself as endless cycles of doing the same thing over and over again just to have the same energy feelings/emotions just so that I can feel I am surviving and living and protecting myself as the patterns of separation that I have created for myself I stop and I breathe and I direct myself out of this endless cycle of self-abuse and “broken record” living, and to move myself to rather stop the separation within myself and to stand and walk in another’s shoes as my own and or walk my own shoes first to understand myself and how I created myself so that I can walk a solution and become the living example for myself as that which is best for all life in full understanding of all the mechanics that is here as creation as myself.

When and as I see myself being in judgment while helping or attempting to help another – I stop and I breathe, I realize the consequences of my actions as all actions and words I speak in the attempt of helping another person will be contaminated by my secret judgment and thus not be helping but rather creating problems, as I see and realize that I am helping another through seeing them and their situation as separate from myself and not standing in their shoes as them as myself in that moment and helping them as I would have helped myself in such a situation.

When and as I see that I am in fearsof another – thus fearsng standing in their shoes in fact in the moment in separation coming from a belief of that I am different and that I would not have done the same if I was that person – I stop and I breathe and I allow myself to really Talk or communicate with the other being or to be here in breathe listening unconditionally and to place myself in their shoes and to see for myself in fact if I were in their shoes what I would have done and how they have done what they are doing or did and to check myself the truth and to only then give an answer or direction to them as myself and not in separation as judgments that come from self-interested characters that’s only in it to protect themselves and their own energy sources from/as the mind.

Day 429 – Is this Possible – Standing as all Characters Part 2

Continuing from - Day 428 - Is this Possible, Standing as all Characters Part 1

Clarification – when I say walk in anothers shoes, I am not saying go and actually do things, like if you walk in the shoes of a murdered without judgment, it does not mean go and murder someone just to walk in their shoes, see we humans have this ability that isn’t about feelings or emotions or imagination or mind basically, this ability is where we are all in fact ONE, and thus we can as ourselves within ourselves place ourselves with and as another to see their life and creations as ourselves – because we are all in the end the exact same in how we function and create characters and live them, it is to walk each process of each character within self to see the creation process and to understand it and to stand one and equal to all characters – this is where one can stand as all characters and not be in fear of characters and then take it further – walk as each character the process of self-forgiveness and self-change to be that which is best for all life and to be life – and thus one find’s as yourself the solution and takes a position of authority – so there is no excuses and a clarity for all existing characters on how to change as you are the example, and this will lead to where one will find many characters require a System change to give them the opportunity to change. This understanding within self and all will be motivation enough to why Living Income Guaranteed is a Must.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from all other characters that are here in this world as the people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as judgment as the point of separation of what is here as all characters that exist as the humans here on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that I as the Character that I exist as have to judge all other characters in a Good/bad relationship in order to feel save and to only protect my own self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge all other characters as Good/Bad just to protect my own self-interest as the character that I exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself and my Character(s) that I exist as in a good/bad relationship and to within this judge all other characters to feel good/bad about myself as a way of keeping myself in check within my own self judgment and the judgment of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT consider walking in another person’s shoes unconditionally in fact through taking off my shoes for a moment and to fully understand another as myself so that I can stand as the Problem and the solution in clarity in fact as that what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I am helping or attempting to help or support another being while being in judgment of that person and their character that I cannot help them but instead all I can/am doing is making decisions based on the judgments I have within my mind towards/about the other person instead of the actual problem and thus the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ignorant to the message of “walking in another’s shoes” as a point of judgment which reflects the ignorance of actually in fact understanding the implication and the practical application of such statement and to walk it practically in fact in each breathe/moment.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to fear stepping out of my own shoes, out of the comfort of my own shoes and to step into another’s shoes in fact as myself and to walk, as the fear is of what I might find and what I have to admit and realize for myself and that what I have judged and believed was/is always just a lie and not real and the abuse that exist within that and all I have done thus far through the separation, thus seeing and realizing I must walk in the shoes of another to understand myself as them and to within this not place any judgment of good or bad, but to do so within the principle of what’s best for all life being my guide.
To be continued.

Day 428 – Is this Possible, Standing as all Characters Part 1

Why do I fear a murderer or a rapist or a gangster or a gym buff or a weird looking person standing on the corner of the street, or a homeless guy? Why do I fear these characters?

It is simple, to first realize that it is all only characters – as a character is someone that plays a certain role in a movie/film or a performance, and we are currently living in a show called capitalism, and capitalism requires characters to play certain roles so that capitalism can be capitalism.

If the People/Characters that exist today did not exist the show called capitalism could not have been possible, each and every role of each and every character is specific and simply a creation from the system/environment.

The characters are each unique and special within how they were created since birth, the character that is built and designed how to act/speak/move and then what to do is all formed and trained how to act accordingly to the input from the environment and thus the memory implants, the characters aren’t the being that was born, it is literally an actor playing its role, unaware that it’s a role and calling if Life, this is simply how life is.

So why do I fear these characters? I myself am a character, so as my character I must play the roles that I have learned since I was a child and then the roles I have assigned myself through what was taught to me as a child, so all other characters are obviously acting with me in this BIG play we call life, only the things we act out are REAL based on fictional creations in our minds, that’s one scary point, so the other point is, as my character I am not allowed to ever BREAK character, otherwise I will lose my job, I will get fired from my role and who knows where I will end up.

So standing in the shoes of others as their characters is breaking character, I am stepping out of my acting shoes and standing in someone else’s acting shoes. Which goes against the script I got from those that have gone before me!

So I always stay in my shoes and rather judge all the other characters and separate myself from all the other characters just so that I can keep my character, through judging all the other characters I am defining my character as everything I don’t want to be judged as as what I judged others as, because I see the evil within me through the act of judging and thus fear this act of evil to be done onto me, it’s like I fear judging myself the same way I judge others, how ridiculous, because apparently at the end of the show we call life, there will be a reward for the best character, this reward comes in many forms as many different parts of life assume it will be after death and claim it as truth.

So I am facing a few characters and will be facing a lot more coming, many I have never even met yet, because each character is circumstantial in a way.

Its like when I was sixteen and I went with a friend to a petrol station and he introduced me to this Nigerian guy that is his drug dealer, this was a mean motherfucker, I was shit scared of him, he was massive with BIG muscles and he had lots of chains and gold rings and tooth and a sidearm on him, in the open, this guy had the whole Character of gangster and that he has been in some shit I have never even thought of, who Knows, I feared this character and till today I fear anyone that might resemble such character, yet why do I fear him?

I never took the time to place myself in this characters shoe and to walk in his shoes and see for myself, I immediately went into first Judging and thus separating and thus creating fear.

Same with once I stopped drinking alcohol, everyone else drinking alcohol is scary, yes I was that character before, I played that role a few times, I fucked up badly with this character, yet Now I suddenly am faced with these characters in my life and I don’t know what to do, I still fear them, they are unpredictable and drunk/possessed.

This reveals to me that even when I was that character I never investigated myself as the character even, I even separated myself from the characters that I played, and now I have to revisit these characters and face myself as the character and stop the fear/separation within me, stopping the judgments.

Journey to be continued.

Day 427 – Mornings, evenings and Night time

A pattern that I have noticed within myself and my day that is of limitation is where I have this weird belief that there are specific things that are best to do ONLY in the morning and then there are things that’s Best to do ONLY in the evenings and then there are things that I can only do at nights, which leads to me not doing a lot of things – Because it’s not the right time, I am not in the right mood – which means I have created Moods for each time such as the morning/evening/night – and this is working against me instead of me working with what’s here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit what I can do dependent on the time of day and to within this have created a mood for each time of the day that will be the justification of why I am doing certain things or not.
When and as I see myself NOT doing something just because its something I have judged as doing at night when it is still morning and thus postponing, I stop, I breathe and I push myself to move from this point/pattern of self-limitation and to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine what I do dependent on the MOOD I am in that I have created and connected to the time of the day and to within this NOT move myself and get things done.

When and as I see myself being in a mood at a certain time of day – I stop, I breathe, I realize that the mood isn’t real but only a belief that I have created of how I must be experiencing myself dependent on the certain time of day, and to within this realization stop the mood and move myself within practicality and the physical as what’s here to do and get done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a lazy mood of not doing anything till I have done small things first and then go bigger as a way of “waking up and to only then in the afternoon get to bigger things and then at night get to the things I resist doing, seeing and realizing that this is the justification I use for postponing what’s needed to be done according to the time Construct connected with moods as self-limitation/sabotage.

When and as I see myself going into the pattern of “I must first wake up by doing small things before I get to the bigger things and then the things I resist doing” I stop and I breathe – I realize it’s just a justification and not real and just to postpone the resistance of doing what’s needed to be done, I move myself to do what’s needed to be done though going there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use TIME and the time of day as an excuse/justification for why I am not doing certain things within the belief that if I do the things that needs to be done at this time of the day I will not be doing it effectively or just half way and that it’s not worth it, seeing and realizing that this is also a justification for not Being here in my body breathing but instead in my mind thinking and creating problems/reasons for why I am not moving myself, seeing and realizing that this is also a lack of self-commitment within my daily responsibilities.

When and as I see myself using time and the time of the day as an excuse/justification for why I am not doing certain things – I stop – I breathe I realize it’s a self-limitation that I have constructed and played out as a pattern to a point where I belief its real, and I forgive myself and move myself within forgiveness to stop the pattern and to move forward in my life.

When and as I see myself Using the excuse/justification based on the belief that if I do something a certain time of the day I will not be as effective as later on or in a different time – I stop, I breathe I realize that it is not real and only a self-created limitation within my participation in my world and so I push myself to prove to myself that I am not the limitation.

Day 426 – Be silent this conversation isn’t for you.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “just” be silent when and as people are speaking in a conversation with the Belief dwelling within me that I can’t take part and that what I have to say isn’t of importance and I will just not be able to have an Intellectual participation with them.

When and as I see myself seeing a point that others might need to look at or see within a conversation happening and I decide within myself to NOT speak and just be silent from the belief that I will just sound stupid and not meet their intellectual standard of communication – I stop, I breathe and I check myself what I want to say and I give to myself in the moment the chance to speak and to voice the common sense or perspective within me from and as the starting point of clarity within me first.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distance myself from conversations through being “just” silent as a a way so that when the conversation goes Bad or does not meet end’s I can have the Justification for myself at least I was silent and did not say anything as to wash my hands off from the outcome either way.

When and as I see I am in the pattern of just sitting in a conversation and leaving the conversation up to the other people to have and to communicate and thus indirectly making it ONLY the other peoples responsibility of what’s being discussed and thus the outcomes, I stop, I breathe and I realize that either way I am responsible in all conversations I am in if I am speaking or not as I am a witness and thus a direct/indirect participant and that being silent when I know I have something to say within clarity and common sense and yet keep quiet I am in fact responsible for that outcome as I had the key to a different one yet kept quit due to some mental self-belief and Idea I have about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in a Lesser position in relation to other when there is a conversation happening or a meeting as a deliberate way just not to feel responsible and thus taking responsibility and to take on the character of being silent and just Judging and pointing fingers in my own mind at those who are actually participating and taking a stand.

When and as I see myself just sitting and being silent and judging and pointing fingers at those who are within the conversation taking a stand as a position to be a speaker/representative for a moment as a perspective – I stop, I breathe and I’d look at what it is I am judging and pointing fingers at within those doing the speaking as those will/are the points that I am holding within me as the fears/reasons for why I have taken on the position of inferiority and thus the silent character to not speak and strand equally and being a participant of the direct outcome of the words/actions where its directed to what’s best for all in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that before I can speak/talk about anything that I require to have a point of authority as knowledge and information within me to be able to speak, I stop and I realize that within such an approach I will wait forever and it will take forever to obtain such a point of knowledge and information to be able to partake, and thus it’s a mental Block that isolates me in a prison of fear/anxiety of being lesser than or inferior , and thus I can rely on myself and what’s here as the common sense as the ability to learn naturally in the moment within actually taking part and not just accept the outsider waiting to someday becoming superior to only then built the courage to learn.

When and as I see myself stuck within the belief of myself of that I do not have the current knowledge and information to take part in this conversation that might even determine the future of my life or the life on earth and thus I can’t say anything and must just be SILENT like a kid not allowed to talk with adults and adult things even though they talk about everything that includes you, I stop, I breathe – I push myself to speak and to be like WATER to be flexible to learn in the moment and to use and utilize what I learn within common sense and what’s best for all life as the common grounds that we are all living on, and to not be limited by the moment and to go beyond my own self-belief and to push myself beyond any belief and remain here in breathe.

Day 425 – I am breaking a habit tonight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify not doing my responsibilities through saying I was/am too busy without even taking the time to consider my time and my priorities and to see if I really am busy or not or if it’s all just here in the mind at the moment.

When and as I see myself wanting to justify why I haven’t been doing my responsibilities through saying I am too busy – I stop, I breathe and I take a moment o consider myself here in the moment and what I am doing and what I have planned to do and to actually check and see if I am too busy or not and to then move and direct myself accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be occupied with the mind and to keep myself busy with the mind within thinking and planning and worrying and building fear and anxiety and back chat and to miss out on the real time I have here to do things and to then claim I was busy, seeing and realizing that being busy in the mind isn’t being busy, it is a distractions from what is here that needs to get done.

When and as I see myself Believing that I am busy where I am only busy within thought/mind I stop, I breathe and I look at what I am busy with, am I creating limitation as energy/mind as the fears/worrying or am I actually busy using my body and my hands and my words and all that is here that matters and actually doing something real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use casual things that I do as a way of keeping me busy through repeating doing them over and over such as having a coffee or quickly checking up on something or watching one episode casually to much or talking to other people casually too much and to use this as a way of saying I was busy as an excuse for me to get to actual things that require to get done.

When and as I see myself doing something that is seen as casual “to much” as a way of distractions for myself and to have a justification/reason for why I did not attend my responsibilities – I stop, I breathe and I get my ass out of the Casual routine before I become a casualty of my own self sabotaging patterns and to move myself to do what’s needed to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself “just this one more” before I get to my responsibilities as a way of repeating the same pattern over again such as having another coffee/drink/food etc and to postpone getting to the duties because I have created an Idea of getting to them and that they are difficult things to do while these small minute patterns are easy and better and thus lose all my time that I had through repeating the small easy patterns over and over and not getting to the realness of the other duties, and thus the Idea of the other duties grow bigger and bigger in my head and thus I get stuck in the small patterns more and more and never really seeing what’s real or not anymore, and that the only way out in the end is to simply move myself to see/find out for myself the reality.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself repeating the small patterns over and over where I will do small minded things like having three coffees in a row and talk small pity things with others that’s useless, or spend my time just sitting on the stoop as If I just came from working hard and I am resting as a way/reason for why I am sitting there and not moving myself to do things that matter and that’s is of moving forward, I STOP, I BREATHE and I stand up from the pattern and I go to that point of resistance and I push myself to breathe and do it, and to stop wasting time where I keep myself busy with mind/minute things and to actually do things that matter and that’s best for all.

Day 424 - The Little Patterns

I have been exploring my daily life for a couple of years now, this means that I have been exploring myself and who I am within my daily life, this means that for the past six years I have been seeing and investigating my own patterns, because the patterns are what we live/do, what I have been living and doing. And the patterns are the outflow of who I am as the physical living.

This is why I am investigating and exploring patterns within my daily living, to see who I am, as that who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become as the living flesh as the words I speak and live.

I have within using and utilizing the Desteni material and the tools that are given changed and altered many of my own patterns, the positive ones – or should I say the seemingly positive ones and the negative ones. And I have taken on many of my major/big patterns that I thought was unchangeable before I ever came to Desteni and started investigating and applying the tools for myself over many years and actually living it, actually applying it and to actually see the real physical effects that are measurable by myself and by others.

Now here I have after six years discovered one small point, this point is quite significant when I actually look at it, in all the many years that I have been investigating myself and changing or stopping or alternating patterns I have still many – these many are the ones I could not see, or did not want to see, and they are small patterns, small things I do, the way I type, the way I walk, the way I breath, the way I hold my hands in certain conversations or how I suddenly speak or make remarks, and this is interesting because they are hard to notice, I say hard because I have accepted and allowed it all as Normal – Plus my entire environment has also accepted and allowed it.

So here I am looking at the patterns/points of what is it that I am not looking at or seeing or keeping alive as patterns simply because my environment hasn’t given me yet feedback on them.

And why is it okay for me to live these patterns that my environment has not given me feedback on, do I require my environment to change who I am – yes it definitely has an effect, yet I am always the one who accepts and allows it, I am the one self-responsible for who I am and the patterns that I become as a living being as what I do in each moment in the details of patterns, because those details are also patterns within the pattern that supports all other patterns and parts of me and thus my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Ignore the small patterns that I participate within during my day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the small patterns within my day as not being important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the small patterns as being small patterns, instead of seeing them as patterns and that requires me to self-investigate these patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not looking/investigating some patterns because I have defined them as being small.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate some patterns just because they come up once in a while on some days and thus see them as small and that they do not need to be investigated and corrected through making them small in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist looking at patterns that I have defined and judged as being small and not important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as a waste of time and energy to look/investigate patterns that I have defined in my head as small and not important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self-righteousness about why I am not investigating/looking into the small patterns that occur daily or sometimes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as acceptable to not look at patterns that I have gotten comfortable with around other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the patterns that I have defined as small as Normal just because I can get away with participating within them around other people and no one says anything.

When and as I see myself as shoving a pattern aside just because I have defined it with my own judgment as a small patter, I stop – I breathe and I slow down, I give myself the moment to see what the pattern is in and as the Physical here and not through the mind as my thoughts/feelings/emotions within my limited perspective on it and to not judge/define it as small or big but to rather see it as a patterns that needs to be taken self-responsibility for.

I commit myself to write out all my patterns for myself and to not shove it away as small or big and to give myself the time to do self-forgiveness if not possible in the moment and to then self-correct and re align myself as what’s best for all as myself within and as the physical.

When and as I see myself Judging a Pattern I stop, I breathe I stop the judgment and the thinking process of judging/justifying and I see what’s physically here and what the pattern physically support, if it is either best for all or not.

When and as I see myself NOT wanting to face a small pattern just because of how I have defined/judged the pattern as small and thus resist it, I stop, I breathe and I push myself to correct myself within the pattern not matter how small and to see what is here and thus take self-responsibility.

When and as I see that I am within a “small” pattern that I have accepted as Normal just because others do not give me feedback and thus I continue playing it out, even though I know it’s not supportive or best for all – I stop, I breathe and I focus on supporting myself in Breathe and to correct myself to stand within my own correction that is in alignment with what’s best for all life as myself for myself and to not rely on others to give me feedback but to be self-honest with myself and to trust myself.