Self Honesty - Self forgiveness

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-honesty is hard. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize and understand that when I experience self-honesty as HARD that I am not self-honest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-honesty can be confusing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see that when I am confused it is because I am NOT self-honest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe as the EGO that I can simply be self-honest without doing the actual work within self-forgiveness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place self-honesty within the limits of the MIND as ego, where I can be "honest" with myself as long as this honesty supports my mind as my thinking, my way, my points of view and thus never actually being self-honest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self-honesty to justify my actions/behaviours within self-interest as the mind, as long as I can say BUT I was honest with myself, and so only prove and show to what level I am dishonest, as I see and realize within self-honesty I must push a point within me till it can stand the test of time within what is best for all life as principle. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR my self-honesty and what the truth will be as what is here, to then actually start changing instead of justifying the mind. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I must push my self-honesty as far as I can go within myself, to truly see what i here, real and to walk and live that, to thus not simply accept and allow the first thought,feeling or emotion to pop up within me to be the only layer of information I look at or though to determine if I am honest with myself or not. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afrain of what is truly here as my self-honesty and what I must truly change and take action on within my daily living to actually live self-honesty as within and so without. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to avoid SHAME through not being truly self-honest with myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to AVOID responsibility though deceiving and manipulating self-honesty within and as the mind as ego, where I can "justify" myself within saying I was self-honest, yet I did not put in the true work and actions to truly see what my self-honesty is. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to use the first FEELING or THOUGHT that comes to my mind as a reason for me to act and live points, and to tehn call that self-honesty, when I do not even understand this feeling or thought, where it came from and how, and so I see, realize and understand that I must first investigate the point to get to the source to then forgive it, let it go, and to see what is here as reality that requires me to be here. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed to see, realize and understand that I must always first apply the work, such as writing and self forgiveness within a point that comes up, to get to self-responsibility to then live self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold onto points within me and to act out those points, to live out those points, as I have within myself already justified and reasoned within me why that will be my self-honesty, and so create consequences within myself and my life that is not best for all, including myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BELIEVE that I am free, and living TRUTH when and as I act on my mind, my thoughts, feelings and emotions, as I for a moment can experience relieve or freedom, and so connect that with "I am being honest with myself, because look, I feel better" yet the point will cycle over and over until I have forgiven the points, let them go, and to see truly what is here as who I am. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT been honest with myself and living it, where I can see I must first remove my own brainwashing and mind control, I must purify myself all the way, a far as I can within myself before I can call anything remotely self-honesty, as I then need to also re-create myself within principles that are best for all life and I must re-educate myself and develop myself, so that the old is forgiven and let go, and not controlling or directing who I am, as I can then only make real decisions.

Day 582 - That Block when you havent Blogged in a while - Response to MatterFreemans Blog post

Please read Matti Freeman's blog of which this blog is a response here - http://www.matterfreeman.com/2016/06/day-319-that-block-when-you-havent.html

Thank you Matti for this Blog, as I have had this Block for a while as well, and I know many others have this block as well, just no one ever pushes to unblock themselves, and I can see this for myself as myself.

Those that want to blog can not, those that has the time to blog simply does not - this is the world working in reverse, as those that has already taken their space and time within this reality to be active and live, to walk the talk, does not have the time to blog consistently, those that requires blogging to unblock themselves are not doing so because of the very point they need to walk to become active, to take responsibility, to become self-honest within themselves.

I haven't blogged in a while, even though I stand by very specific principles that I live and implement daily, the very reason I have this blog, and no other reason is for myself, to rebirth myself, to change myself, this blog is for ME as all life, yet there is no activity, there is no movement. perhaps every now and then. this raises question to reasons towards and of myself, no other. Perhaps because I saw it as ONLY being for me, I could simply toss it aside like it meant nothing, thus I never included all LIFE s me and making that me stance within writing, me as my journey as LIFE.

After reading Matti's Blog, I saw a few things, I wasn't blogging because I was being Lazy, or because I wasn't busy, I was in fact very busy - so busy with so many things that blogging didn't come up during my days very much. I would see others blog and I would read their blogs and I would share their blogs, but not all, and still share them within principle of spreading the message, the support and assistance.

So - what is the BLOCK as Matti described within his blog regarding blogging?

The block that I have found within myself isn't just one block point, there are many, my mind has made so many fears as reasons to why I am not blogging, or reasons as justification, my mind had made so much out of it that blogging is simply not an options, so how did this come to this?

See, the point of this Blogging within the 7 year Journey to Life is very specific, it is a BLOG that is public, or some set it to private depending on their work but yet allow others to see it, like being invited, see EVERYONE can blog, even if these blogs are just posted on the Desteni forums etc, there is always a way, there is No excuse. where these blogs can be under a different name even if public - as the point is UNIVERSAL process, as each person with Desteni walk their journey, their journey is very very specific, and this is within the understanding that there are 7 Billion people in this world that walk similar journeys, and thus through sharing and walking these journeys in public, others can find support and assistance within this current system we are all fucked within and move the world within support and assistance much faster through the beautiful thing called the internet, besides our daily living and activities in ONLY our current environments, which is extremely limited in comparison - I mean, how did I get to where I am? through the internet. and everyone else I now know with Desteni? through the internet. 

Thus living the principle of oneness and equality for all - through sharing, giving, supporting, assistance, reaching out to the world through our personal Journeys - this is a pretty awesome way, as our process/journeys being shared over the internet in support and assistance can prevent a lof of harm, to self and even others. Because we write our Blogs within principle, with the tools we have been using and implementing of self forgiveness, problem and solution, giving corrective statements to apply.

imagine a person is going through a mind possession and wants to stab someone, but instead finds a blog on the internet of someone else that walked the same point, and through this the person does not do this but instead take self responsibility, or at least reach out for support and assistance. the blog isn't limited to its possible reach, it isn't limited to ONLY the people a person knows within their current environment, it is actually considering everyone writing a blog.

So How did I lose first of all Myself and this simple point of living and walking blogging within principle of whats Best for all life? how did I come up with SOO many reasons and excuses and justification to NOT blog? how did I make and create such a "valid" limitation to blogging within my reality that it has become impossible and even accepted as a valid reason for all others that walk with me this journey? why has my brothers not been my keepers? have I deceived and manipulated myself so much that even they fell for it? the reason and excuse?

I have taken the time tonight to check myself to find the most Valid reasons for me to not do blogging in any way what so ever online, with considering my life and time/space, and there is none but only fears and excuses and seeking self-interest - I am the BLOCK in me blogging for the sake of self interest. does not matter if I was a rich man that had to protect my image and keep my blogging a secret from everyone I know, If I was seriously self honest and am, I would have and WILL find a way to stand as the point of walking my journey, sharing my journey and reaching others with my journey to move along this process we as Humanity is all walking to either create heaven on earth or to destroy t, and I know and see, that me not writing unconditionally and to FIND a way to keep writing no matter what my physical reality as survival is demanding of me to NOT do, because I am passionate about what I do and will even start an underground blogging society to make sure earth and life on earth is getting the support and assistance on how to live corrections, take self-responsibility, develop self-honesty and to live whats best for all life as that is exactly what ISN'T here on earth, so why would I stop blogging and Block myself? did my personal survival become independent from the survival of earth? and moving the earth process as each and every individual that is ME, then self-interest has surely conned me to make up my actions as beautiful pictures and ideas to justify my actions of why I am "focusing" now more on just my life and self-development, Blogging within principle is independent from that, a person WILL find a way to do so regardless. there are ways, and I found that I simply didn't care to find that way - this is because self-interest has got self interested in something else than LIFE.

I am grateful for Matti's Blog, it really gave me the moment to really check the points within myself. and I am finding scary shit of how the mind works and has worked me - such a simple point of blogging, taken for granted, of almost 100 7 YEARS Journey to Life Blogs that started out, but only about 20 remain active. I commit myself to check myself everyday on this point with Brutal self-honesty.

To be continued with Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective statements

Day 431 – Just another Happy new Year's Blog for 2014

Everyday about 3.4 million blogs is written and blogged, here is one of them for this day.

When I say may all our creations become real, I am not saying it in a positive and good way, I am saying it so that we can stop and take a good look at what those words mean for 2014 and beyond. as that which we are creating on a daily bases in a silent agreement as a whole, through our direct or indirect participation, both requires our acceptance and allowance to exit and be here – I mean the news and the radio and the Internet and everything existing on earth – of which we can all agree is mostly negative shit while we all try and pretend we are so positive and always good and happy.

War is still on going and it has only worsened, when will there NOT be war on earth, it’s like the one thing we ALL do not want to exist and yet it’s not happening, war just isn’t ending, it is like this tiresome thing that always just continues to exist – and war is growing like a Cancer, it is spreading into all parts of this one body we all share called earth, just look around how many countries are now at war and how many has been devastated and destroyed and turned to waste land and we are the cancer because war exist only through the human species, but we are also the cure if we are willing to look at the problems and find solutions together as one as equals.

Poverty: I can say the exact same thing here, Poverty is something NONE of us want for ourselves or others, it is something none of us want to exist here on our planet, YET after decades, after thousands of years we still have poverty, we haven’t evolved to be better at all – STILL up to 30 000 children under the age of five die DAILY of starvation/poverty, Poverty is getting worse and worse, these days well educated and people with degrees are seen homeless and not finding a single job for themselves, we are losing it.

Environment – we are destroying the earth by the seconds in masses, we are moving at a great and consistent pace within destroying the forest’s and the ocean and all other parts of the world, Fuck even deserts, we humans are really persistent in what we do, we make sure we destroy every pat of earth just so that we can at least say we were thorough, for such small and almost none existent species as ourselves when compared to the earth itself, we are still the ones destroying our own planet, as if it is our goal to do so and as if there is a prize for us at the end of it all.

What’s going to happen in 2014 that is New – a BIG nothing, nothing new is going to happen, we are a ball of Ice rolling down a mountain of ice, its going one direction and the snow ball is just getting bigger and it’s going to reach the bottom with a very big Smash, maybe that will be when something has changed, but then it will not be for what is best for all and what we all actually would like, it will be everything that is Shit and evil that existed this year just more and bigger of it all.

People have been saying for hundreds of years Happy new year, yet there is no new year, it’s just another next day with everything else moving the exact same way as before, maybe its different for kids as they are almost leaving school and going into higher grades, YET the Jobs in this world is getting lesser and lesser and money is getting lesser and lesser, so do people want this new and bright and promising year coming? I for one would not call it anything so it seems that it is as if it is a new beginning.

If each year was a new beginning, then each year we all would start over with No debt existing for anyone and all wars would stop and all poverty would be eradicated and all environmental damage and destruction would be reversed and everything would be formatted and reset and restarted and then we can call it a new year, otherwise it’s just another day of everything existing the exact same way and another way for people to make lots of money on this special new year’s day.

Catching my drift?? Its keeping it simple and real.

So – I suggest that for ALL who have ears and who can hear and those with eyes who can see, to make ti your goal this year to investigate and support and join and vote for the LIG (living Income Guaranteed) and let us all create a new way of life, a path for us all that’s better and best.

Day 385 - Start at the Start Part 1

Start at the start, at least then I am starting and doing something, I have find myself wanting to jump way ahead within doing things and then I find myself lost, unable to move or direct myself.

The Start within Desteni is always self-investigation using the tools that is given, writing and reading and self-forgiveness, common sense, breathing as the guideline and self-honesty.

Using these tools within investigating self, one can also investigate the world and how things work, it takes time, because self is a creation of the whole that is here, like a product, self is thus the whole, and what self-lives/experiences and everything in between is thus the whole because it is keeping the whole as it is. 

I am writing about this point because of an event that happened today within starting to make some vlogs, I was sitting outside with the tablet and I was making a vlog, but I kept on tripping and falling and getting up while doing the vlog within speaking and how the information was flowing, with anxiety forming and being created within the process.

This happened because I was about to talk about a point that I have realized as knowledge and information, I could see the point, but I did not investigate the point for myself within using the basic tools such as writing/self-forgiveness/common-sense/self-honesty and breathing effectively.

So the stumbling/tripping came from knowing the point/seeing the point but not having all the other points connected to it, which I would have discovered within my self-investigation. 

The self-investigation would take time, I was in a rush to just make a vlog about the point, and thus I jumped to the middle, instead of starting at the beginning and doing it as what is best for all which includes myself.

I see that I do this in fear of losing the point I have seen/realized as knowledge and information thus far only, not yet investigated as actuality for myself, and the resistance of doing the investigation, because I know that part takes some actual focus and dedication and more time. 

I have created a paranoia, where I am paranoid that if I do not do this as a vlog now I will miss it forever, and then the paranoia goes hand in hand with, me being paranoid about not having a vlog for today and thus it must only come up tomorrow or the day after and then I will be falling “behind” within the deadline I have given myself. 

There was a simple solution, I could not see this as I went into a total mind fuck about it and feeling all down and judge-mental, which I now see as I am investigating the point now, I could have simply made a video on the points I have already investigated and LIVED and have physical proof of as myself. Which would have been perfect.

Here is another cool point of not starting at the start, where I believe I must only make the vlogs on points that come up now, after five and a half years into my process already, so there is that much time behind me that I still have as evidence of many points I have walked and done that I can make a vlog about, but I jumped it all. 

Here is the secret reason for why all of this paranoia is going on, I have been in the Desteni process for five and a half years, I have walked and I have lived many corrections, I have faced extensive points within my life that I never saw as possible, and they are equally relevant now as back then, but my secret mind has created a secret idea about time, that if I share something from years ago and support and assistance now, I might come forth as not having moved at all within my process within all that time. 

I see and realize that as MY walking of the correction within this point, I must now do exactly that which I resist doing, I must walk the points I have lived within my writing and within vlogs. So that I can get rid of the ego as the mind as energy addiction, to remove all ideas/beliefs/opinions as limitation and support and assist myself, and in the same process others one and equal within all those points. 

I see that I have a specific anxiety that I experience because of the process I have walked thus far and have only kept to myself, it is a anxiety that makes me feel like running from myself, but it actually just me wanting to run from this point of facing myself within this one point, to stop my self-judgments/fears and get over it and fucking share what I have to share.

To be continued.

Day 321 – Falling behind on daily Blogging, getting up, moving forward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall behind on blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself, to brainwash myself that it is okay even when all evidence show there is no excuse but the mind making me its bitch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my Day and what happened during my day and all together as an excuse to not blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the mind as a excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and to deceive myself into believing that process stops whenever I think it does lol, seeing and realizing that process is always here in each and every moment and I can either support myself or not within re-birthing myself as life and standing one and equal as that which is here as Life as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall behind on daily blogs for not prioritizing what matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prioritize small points of entertainment above what matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself Believe that after a full day of work I deserve to have small points of entertainment as a reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a Mind slave to rewards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be a mind slave to small rewards as entertainment so that I do not have to feel like I am responsible, seeing and realizing that within that I know I am responsible for what is here and that I must act and move accordingly on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not take self-responsibility for what is here through giving into the mind as entertainment and postponing and worsening the situation not just for myself but the entire world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself for this point and to feel guilty, seeing and realizing that I must actually feel shame which I fear as I do not want to face the actual facts of reality and myself within this reality as the direct equal participant of what exist in and as the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defend myself against shame, seeing and realizing that shame is what I must feel to realize my actual responsibility within and as this world and to see myself and how I create and manifest what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear all of me as shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to see that participating in entertainment while I know what needs to be done to end what is here is a deliberate act of spitefulness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing true shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will and cannot see shame as I have numbed myself from shame through layering the shame with countless ways of entertainment as a distraction to reality which is a extreme reality of shame and disgrace of the entire human race which is me and all of it in my face.

I commit myself to when and as I am home and I see that I do have time, to take that time to do what matters and to do it till it is done.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am using the mind as an excuse to stop and to breathe and to direct myself within and as the physical real time within what is here in fact to do what needs to be done.

I commit myself to when and as I get home to not waist time on entertainment points that are irrelevant and have not matter to it, and to go and write my blog instead.

I commit myself to only have my entertainment time once I have done what needs to be done for the day within and as walking MY process for Myself as I really want t.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I have made walking my process a JOB to stop and to breathe within the realization that it is the mind really fucking me over, as the fact is that I enjoy writing my blogs and learning to know myself and to go to the points of Self support and assistance and where I can learn and actually see how I create my days and myself to within that have corrections to live and to challenge myself to change within each breathe to rebirth myself as Life as all that is here one and equal.

Day 271 –No I cannot do This

What I am about to do isn’t professional!! I am going to do the one thing I always avoid doing just because I have a Idea/Believe in my head about it.

I am going to write a short blog – it is so unprofessional in my head, I have been writing blogs daily for 271 days now, and not one of my blogs is shorter than one page and they go usually to one thousand words as a aim I have set for myself.

So I have made it in my mind a believe/idea that I must always write at least one thousand words to have a blog worth being a blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the worth of my blogs in how many words I can write, seeing and realizing that the worth is not in how much words I place but how I place myself as the words as the worth I give it as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within writing to have to always meet a self created idea/believe about writing a blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself out every time I write a blog that I MUST reach a thousand or more words for it to be a blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that if I write a thousand or more words then I am professional in others eyes and especially my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my worth in how others see me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek worth from others through how I present myself as something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if my blogs have less then a thousand words that I will be seen as someone that doesn’t know how to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write from the starting point of meeting what I believe others want to see or even just what It might seem like when others see it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within my words as the words I live and write through always stretching my words just to meet an idea/believe of how much words I must write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to credited such a believe/idea from comparing myself to others instead of focusing on myself and what is here as me writing the words till it is done and not to just meet a dead line I created in my mind.

I commit myself to when and as I write a blog to stop looking at the word count and to focus on what is here and to write here as breathe till it is done and I am satisfied with myself as who I am as writing myself.

I commit myself to check my starting point before I write and to change it to write what is best for all which is me writing till points are clear and done.

Day 100 – beyond my own self belief, one Hundred days of writing,

One hundred days of writing in the 7 year Journey to Life, It feels/seems like I started a month ago only, yet it has been a bit more than three months of writing Blogs everyday within the seven Year Journey to Life – see the facebook page where we all that is/are writing the blogs share it and read each other’s blogs and how we walk as a group yet as individuals to birth ourselves as life to take on all characters and all patterns that is not Best for all Life in all ways and to show/proof that human nature is simply part of the current system we live in making it so, and that through the writing and applying what we write practically living it we can/have stopped patterns and changed to live what is best for all life in all ways and so as each one starts their Journey to life blogs and write and share and removing all brainwashing and mind control and enslavement we will so one man/women at a time change the world for ever to a place that is best for all life.

What have I learned within my one hundred blogs that I have written thus far?

I have learned that I can write everyday and be consistent within it – whereas before in my life I have never thought of myself to even be able to write even one blog, never mind two, and this character I had of (“ME writing a blog, lol that is for losers”) as a belief/idea/judgment I had/kept of myself was so due to programming of that is just in your nature Gian (me) to never be able to sit down and write and actually post the blog on the internet for all to see/read and share/learn/support/assist self/others, and that I can never change it, yet here I am and I proved that I can change it through the writing of self forgiveness of deconstructing the Characters/patterns of complete and utter self limitation and enslavement.

I have learned that I can sit down for an hour or three and I can start a blog and I can actually take one Character/pattern and write it out for myself and apply SF on the character and pattern and that I can lay it out for myself in front of my own eyes and see that what I am living and what I belief to be real is in fact just so because I make it so due to beliefs/ideas/opinions/judgment and that it all comes from memory and past experiences that I have identified myself with/as and thus created myself as that and so lived it as if it is all that I can be, yet here I am, I proofed this one point to myself, that I can change a Pattern, that I can through walking the correction after writing it out for myself stop the self limitation/abuse of the patterns that is not best for all or even for my own development as a complete human being that can achieve my full potential and that I can in the place of that pattern live a correction that I lay out for myself within self commitments and thus through living it in and as the physical – the same way I created all the other patterns/characters – create and manifest what is best for all life, thus this being me as Who Idecide who I am as LIFE as the physical one and equal as all LIFE.

I also learned that there is a extremely long road ahead for humans on earth as I am seeing myself being here at my one hundredth blog, Yet it is possible, change is possible as I have seen within changing one pattern thus far, writing my blog every day. And that it is necessary that ALL who can hear this message start the Journey to Life blog writing daily, to see and investigate what we are doing and to see in common sense and self honesty what is necessary for REAL actual change that can last eternally, as this is a must for human nature to change – and as I have seen it is possible.

I have also learned over the past three months – as this is a really cool point for me within writing my daily blogs in the journey to life blogs that writing everyday in self forgiveness and writing is the greatest self support and assistance I can give myself within stabilizing myself, you know when you have a mind full of all the crap thoughts, the nasty thoughts, the anger thoughts the constant thinking that just does not want to stop, you know the nights you cannot fall asleep because you are thinking and so busy in your mind the whole time, and then it starts to get to you, well writing it out in self forgiveness if releasing yourself of that, giving you back to yourself and, and after a while you will see your mind becoming more and more quite, still thoughts, still things coming up, but it is at a level where I can handle it with breathing and not letting it take over my day and my life and so the journey shows that what is in the mind isn’t real as I/we can simply stop it. Thus what remains here in and as the physical is the reality – real that we have to take self responsibility for as a group each individual at a time.

What I have also learned is that as a group writing and self forgiving ourselves we will change the world as WHO WE ARE, because who I am determines what I do, it simply is that way, you have to be someone living a certain principle to secondly do what you do, you cannot do something without first making a decision within you as who you are, thus we must change who we are to that which is best for all life in all ways and so we will create a world that is BEST for all life in all ways, why would we want anything less than the best for ourselves and all other life, when all life has the best there can be we are living the best life possible. Unlike the current system that is simply our own doom.

I ask that all that come into contact with this blog or the vlog that is made on it, to join the Journey to life Blogs, and write everyday for a new world that is best for all life in self forgiveness and commitments, you will never be ready till you do it. So doing it starts when you do it lol.

Otherwise waiting becomes your master and you will be victim to all that you allow to happen, yet at the same time the creator of what happens as the waiting allows it, time is limited, yet we have time, lets use each breathe and make each breath actually in fact COUNT, do not waist your breathe.

Join the forums and the equal money website, become the change you want – a BEST and better world in fact for yourself and all life. 

www.desteni.org

www.equalmoney.org

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