Day 241 – Trusting the Intelligent people looking after the human race Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that there are people looking after the human race and the planet we live on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are intelligent people that will say when we must stop what we are doing on earth when they see it is time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living my life here on earth as being normal within the belief that as long as the intelligent people of this world do not say stop to me or the rest of the world that everything must be okay and I can continue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are people out there checking everything we are doing and that they will say STOP and that we must change when they see it is time and that before that happens I am okay and con continue living my life as if it is normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that there is no intelligent people sitting somewhere monitoring what we are doing and that will say stop when the time is ready, as we all can see we have already gone too far and nothing is being said about US that has to change, we are all simply accepting and allowing to continue destroying our earth believing we are not because there is no intelligent person saying anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the governments running the countries that run the world knows what they are doing and as long as they are not raising voice or concern we are okay and may continue abusing earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be raise in school and in life by the adults to believe that the authorities always knows best and will always speak up when it is a matter of importance, seeing and realizing that this is not so and that everything is about money so no one will speak up even in the face of our planets extinction that we are causing ourselves because that would mean losing money and power for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the life I am living in the current world to be normal just because no one intelligent is saying otherwise, seeing and realizing that within this I am abdicating my own common sense and self honesty to someone else to have the power over me and to be subject to their words as if it is always truth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that everything happening on earth such as the oil usage and deforestation and ocean pollution and over fishing is being monitored by intelligent people with power and that only once they say something will it mean that we must stop and change, seeing and realizing that it is not happening and everyone is waiting for this higher intelligence to tell us to change while we can clearly see the abuse without them and to simply continue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that there is no higher intelligent humans looking over us and that we are living in a monstrous system that is swallowing itself whole because there is no one driving this train and no one has ever bothered to check the driving seat and have only thus far trusted that there is someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that we are all on a train ride in this world and that we are all stuck in the idea that someone is driving this train because we know that should be common sense, yet no one bothers to check and simply HOPE that it is so and within this continue the ride as if everything will be okay, seeing and realizing that the train ride must stop somewhere as it started somewhere, but there is no one to put the brakes and we all will simply continue into our own doom of ignorance and blissfulness.

To be continued.

Day 240 – Hope

Check out my Video on Hope as-well - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjTLuIIQptM

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blinded by hope.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that hope makes me blind to see what is here as reality as the facts and that no amount of hope can change that, as hope is literally the opposite of actually doing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hope just to make me feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the face of facts and reality place my trust in hope.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that hope literally doesn’t change anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that participating in hope is giving myself false ideas/beliefs about what is here and what is happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within hope with the intent to not to have to see what is here in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that hope is blinding myself deliberately to that which is here, because I know what is here and that is what I fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within feeling and making myself feel/belief that I am powerless and cannot do anything about that which is here on earth to instead of doing something create hope as a way to hide the fear and make myself feel better about myself instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the moment I have hope I became paralyzed and Blind to see what is here and to do anything as one moment of hope will delete any and all realizations of the facts and that we need to change as hope gives the illusion that there is still time and that there is still lots of ways to get out of the shit we are in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that hope is a very dangerous thing to play with as it makes people as myself believe that we do not have to change and can still exist as we do as there is till hope apparently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that hope is a myth and not something real, as hope is implying within itself that we are not responsible and may abuse as we please because there is always a way back, not seeing and realizing that as long as hope exist we will always hope and never change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the stupidity of hoping, as hoping is saying – I can randomly do stuff even if there are practical ways to do stuff that will give results that is based on mathematical equations that can be determined - but freely choose not to do so and instead HOPE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that HOPE is a form of laziness, because instead of taking the practical time within space to do the math and to apply the math and to then live the math it is to instead skip all of that and go on hope within whatever I/you/we do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I was taught to hope instead of prevent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attaches a positive energy to the word hope s that I can get a good feeling from hoping and get addicted to hope all in the name of energy and consuming the energy of hope, because hope is like playing a daredevil game of chance that can always go either way that creates fear interpreted as excitement that is addictive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prescribe to the drug called HOPE for the sake of the experience of when hope is given/implied/indoctrinated into me which to me is saying that I am going for a ride and thus I do not have to do anything and just wait and see what happens.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the consequences of a human race living in and of HOPE within all they do when there is facts to work with and math to calculate things with which does not require hope and will give the outcome that is wanted, yet not applied for some fucking reason.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as soon as hope is given I become in active.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Living and participating in HOPE is actually the way and the consequence of destroying any or all changes of actual hope that was here because when there was hope and hope was given everyone was happy that there is hope and because there is hope it is implying that we are not to late yet and because we are not to late yet we do not have to change anything till it is too late and there is no hope because everyone had hope, seeing and realizing that we are at the point of NO HOPE and that it is very important that everyone understands this, so that we can stop hoping and wasting hope and start living practical ways that is mathematically equated to a solution that will fix what is here to bring about a world that is best for all life and that will and all abuse and create a world that can continue for the children of our children’s children etc etc.

I commit myself to show that hope is a drug that paralyzes people from moving themselves to bring about actual real change.

I commit myself to show that hope is a illusion in the face of the facts that people prefer to belief rather then the facts because it is simply easier and that within this actions everything only becomes worse and then in fact all hope is lost, and that we are at this point now

I commit myself to stop any and all points of hope that I am living within my daily life and to teach and learn how to instead take self responsibility for what is here through not hoping but instead checking and making sure and fixing shit and doing stuff that is required practically so that when I live my life I will never live in fear as I will be 100% sure of the things I do in awareness and thus hope will not be required.

I commit myself to show that it is possible to live without hope and that hope is simply a lie that is sold to the people and the people sell it to themselves because they know there isn’t hope.

I commit myself to show that the act of hoping is eradicating all hope.

I commit myself to show that there is something much better then hoping and that is acting.

I commit myself to show that hoping isn’t real and not necessary because we do in fact have the ability and capability to do things practically and physically and that does not ever require hope.
I commit myself to show that hoping to change the world and changing the world in fact is two different things and that only the one way can change the world and that on isn’t hope.

I commit myself to show that hope is something that is taught to children because of fear, and that this fear comes from people that isn’t educated on how thing function and work within the reality that we all share and are from and as.

I commit myself to show that hope is the act of not doing the things you are hoping for yourself when you know it is possible to do it in fact yet it is not done.

I commit myself to show that hope is the easy answer to doing things and handling things while being fully aware that there is ways that isn’t hoping but actually doing it in fact and that hope isn’t required.

I commit myself to show that only once we all give up hope can we change things, as we are the not hoping but doing and that means what we are hoping for is happening ad when it is happening hoping isn’t required and but only a escape from taking full self responsibility for what s here as all as one and equals

Day 239 – The voice in my head is me Part 3

Day 237 – The voice in my head is me –But it cant be!! Part 1
 Day 238 – The voice in my Head is me Part 2

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question why I speak to myself in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly participate within speaking to myself in secret in my head and to not see and realize that this isn’t Normal, because if I am self honest with myself, I will never want to speak what goes on in my head to another person because I know I will be seen as a threat or be exposed for the evil within me, o why am I doing i to myself then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I need the voice in my head to exist and live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the voice in my head is normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that speaking to myself isn’t healthy as it only creates hell for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that ninety percent of all my problems come from me talking to myself an making shit up in my head about anything and everything which is never based on facts but on assumptions/interpretations/perceptions/ideas/beliefs/opinions that is always only limited and defined within my own ways that always only fit me and thus can never be trusted and because I follow the shit I create shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as problems arise in my reality that I have to deal with, that me participating within the secret conversations with myself ONLY always make the problems worse and that if I had to stop the back chat and inner voices of myself, that the problem cannot grow from there and only be solved with practicality which is ALL it in fact requires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the voice in my head is a outflow from memory and experiences that I have accumulated over my life-time as knowledge and information as words and their definitions that was taught to me and shown to me how to be lived as my limitations/enslavement, and that this proof is revealed when I look back at when I was a baby and that there was no thoughts and no inner voices and other bullshit – showing me that the voice in my head isn’t real first of all and just ME and that it is not normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge that which isn’t normal as something bad and wrong and that it must mean that I am bad and wrong and evil, seeing and realizing that it is not to judge it as good or evil, it is to see what is real and what is not and to stop the illusions and anything that isn’t best for all, because what isn’t best for all can obviously not be best for me as I am part of ALL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I hear voices in my head, that it is simply memories of me or others playing out inside my mind that is ME playing it yet hearing it as separate, seeing and realizing that it isn’t anything to fear or to belief or make real, but to breathe and realize it isn’t real and thus I can simply stop it.

I commit myself to show that the voice in people’s heads is them and nothing more.

I commit myself to show that the voices people have in their heads can be stopped equal and one as they were created through writing and self forgiveness and living the corrections practically as that which is best for all life.

I commit myself to when and as the voice in my head comes us to stand firm and to not let it be normal as I realize it isn’t and that it is a side effect/outflow of something else, and to instead investigate why I talk to myself within the specifics of the inner conversations so that I can see who I have accepted and allowed myself to become so that I can stand one and equal as me as the voice and stop it, till there is no voice and only me here breathing as a self willed self directed being that stands as Life with no secrets and no hidden self’s (characters/personalities)

I commit myself to when and as I catch myself talking to myself to not finish the conversation in my head and to take a deep breath instead and STOP.

I commit myself to live these commitments as myself first to be the actual practical example of that it can be done and that we are in fact the creators of the voices and thus can un-create it and do not have to be subject to it or define ourselves as it.

Day 238 – The voice in my Head is me Part 2

Continueing from -

Day 237 – The voice in my head is me –But it cant be!! Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within manipulating myself to make t seem that the voice in my head cannot be me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within making myself belief that the voice in my head cannot be me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the voice in my head as a way to deceive and manipulate myself to belief that it isn’t me, seeing and realizing that I do this because then i do not feel responsible for what is existent within me and can always blame the voice as saying but I thought or I forgot or I assumed or I interpreted and as if the voice in the mind can be excused.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the voice in my head and all the it says, seeing and realizing that as long as I separate myself from the voice in my head I will fear it as I am not standing one and equal as the creator as the voice in fact and thus giving away all my power to as the creator as the direct participant to stop and breathe and give myself back to myself where there is no voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify and call me speaking to myself in my head as “the voice” in my head, seeing and realizing that within saying the voice in my head I am claiming and making me speaking to myself as not being me when in fact it is MY VOICE and not the voice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I voice myself to myself within my own head to not see the obvious, that I am the voice in my head and that I am the voices and what they say from and as thoughts or interaction in my reality as thoughts to what I react towards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am always the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate and deceive myself deliberately within saying that others create the voice in my head, or motivates me to say things I say in my head to myself as a way to blame and to not have to take self responsibility for what I say and have conversations about in my head that is always evil as it is in secret and hidden from the rest in a dark space called my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what is going on in my head towards other and about others and even myself where I have evil vile disgusting and brutal conversations with myself that is of abuse and to within knowing this try and hide it even from myself and separating myself from this voice making myself belief it cannot be me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realized that I am giving away ALL my power and the ability I have as the creator and direct participant of the voice in my head through saying and making myself belief that it isn’t me and that it cannot be me to STOP it and to stand one and equal as my own voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I have to admit that the voice in my head is me in fact that I will within this go insane and not know who I am, thus I see and realize that I decide who I am and therefore I can within taking self responsibility for the voice in my head as being me doing it still be here breathing and not lose myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I admit the fact that I am the voice in my head that I now have to live it out and become the voice to be honest with myself, seeing and realizing that it not being honest with myself as the voice in my head as me isn’t real and just me making shit up in my head that is always of self interest and thus I do not have to become it or belief I must live it, but that self honesty is that I must stop it as it isn’t real and only fucking up my actual life and life here on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as I am the direct creator and participant of the voice in my head that it is really not necessary to separate myself in fear from it as it is me thus I can simply as MYSELF stop it, one and equal as being the creator of it I can stop it.

To be continued.

Day 237 – The voice in my head is me –But it cant be!! Part 1

Evil –this is the first word that pops up when I see that admitting to myself that the voice in my head is only me, it is who I have accepted and allowed myself to become, and it is evil, when I say evil I am not saying bad as a negative experience or emotion, I am saying it from the point of what is best for all life and self honesty, and having a voice in my head in secret isnt best for all life or being self honest, we all know we fear what others thing of us and what they have going on in their heads about us all the time, so why do we not see we must stop our own voices as we would like to give as we would like to receive - NO judgment and a truly free world from secrets and inner realities that abuse others and themselves in their heads.

I have slowed down, and I have seen myself directly in the participation of the voices in my head, what I say, what I think and tell myself and how I talk about others and how I comment on things, it is pretty dame straight forward that it is me and it is evil because it isn’t within the best interest of all life, it is all abusive if one is self honest.

We all know what we say in our heads to ourselves about things/others in general, we will look at someone and then there will be a thought and a reaction and a emotions or feeling and then there will be accordingly a conversation one has with oneself, so let’s say I am in the parking lot and I see a man sleeping on the side of the street, I will say stuff to myself like – “fucking lazy shit” or “dammed this guy is making the street look bad” – or “how did this guy get here” or “he looks really badly dressed and he is dirty” – but then when I talk to the guy I am someone else, I will never say the things I just told myself in my head to the guy – we all do this every second of every day. It is a disease. It is a mental disease.

So now what happens is, this voice is kept secret from everyone, because we belief no one can see what we say to ourselves about others, so we feel save and not limited and free to tell ourselves w3hat we want and how we want and when we want and no one can do anything about that – well it is not so.

The fact that the world is the way it is today (hell on earth for most) is because that is what goes on in our heads, so now the question is, why is it that something we keep secret from everyone else is then creating and manifesting this world the way it is?

Because we might not speak it out loud but we have spoken it within, so it is who we are as acceptance and allowances and who we are determines what we do.

And we will accept and allow that which is within us within others one and equal, so people walk around daily with sickening thoughts and conversations about others and things in their heads that no one sees and that isnt done openly, but when and as someone do it for real, living out these thoughts and playing out the reactions of the conversations they had within their minds, the rest that still keep it all secret will accept and allow it as normal, because everyone knows they are having the thoughts and here is the one guy/girl that actually plays it out. So everyone knows they are guilty and just as able to play it out if the push is enough, therefore no one will really do anything but maybe try and make the guilt lighter by pointing fingers.

So back to the voice in my head.

this isn’t a bad thing, neither is it a good thing, however I have made the decision to take self responsibility for these voices within my head, oh wait I mean for myself talking to myself in my own head, being the voice itself. See how much easier that makes it, it gives oneself power back to actually stop it and to direct it instead of the other way around – so when I talk to myself I do not judge it, I breathe and I see what is here, this is how I can see for myself what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as who I am.

So I stop these voices through never ever following them or taking them as being real at all, I realize every time they come up, it is all a LIE every single time so I know I can look at the shit I say in my head and then I investigate the points, i will either dissolve it there and then with forgiving myself and breathing or I will sit down and write it out and do my self-forgiveness.

So to be clear – I never follow the voices because I understand that they are never real, it is me talking to myself in my head, how can that be real, it is delusion, it is like being in court but no one else is there to defend themselves or give perspective or anything, it is a major mind-fuck if one belief that what you tell yourself based on the limited knowledge and information you have in you head are ever true about anything or anyone. It is you agreeing with you LOL. No feedback that is real in any way what so ever. Just assumptions and fears and feelings and emotions guiding the voice of yourself to speak to yourself in your head, do you even understand where the thoughts/feelings/emotions come from that is starting up these internal conversations? NO – so don’t trust it at all ever.

Will you follow a voice that comes from a dark tunnel up ahead, and then there is this little creepy hand sticking out asking you to take its hand, well obviously not because you don’t know where it comes from and where it will take you and what the fuck is going on, so this is the same for self talking to self and what ewer is motivating the conversation if it is a thought/feeling/emotion you must know it is this creepy hand sticking out and telling you to follow it. We all know when we watch movies that the person always doing it should not have done it because we can see it is STUPIDITY.

Next up – self forgiveness

Day 236 – Childhood Memories and Emotional Body Final.

Here I will write out commitments that are practical to live and apply when and as such points come up that I walked through in the previous blogs.

Day 231 - emotional Body and childhood memory Part 3.1

Day 232 – Part 3.2 of Emotional Body and Childhood Memory.

Day 233 – Childhood memory and Emotional Body Part 3.3

Day 234 - Childhood memory and emotional body part 3.4 

 Day 235 – Childhood Memory and Emotional Body Part 3.6

I commit myself to when and as I am applying a new task that seem like it will require of me to do more than the usual within moving my body and using physical strength/stamina/endurance, To Not participate in any thoughts that might come up and to not give any thoughts/feelings/emotions validation/attention, within the understanding and realization that the thoughts/feelings/emotions inst real and only the past imposing on the present to keep myself enslaved and limited as to satisfy the mind as energy, and to instead BREATHE and focus here on the physical within my every movement, my breathe and the detail of me here in the flesh, as that is real and not being crippled by the mind through beliefs/ideas/opinions/judgments.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself go into the thoughts to Breathe and to focus on the breathe – within the understanding and realization that it will be a deliberate act and not something easy, as it will be me as the physical WILLING and CHOOSING for real to not be a slave to the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions that I have accepted and allowed as normal all my life and thus it will be something that requires deliberate actions against pre-programming.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself participating in the new tasks at hand within thoughts/feelings/emotions that cripples the flesh/body as me, to NOT judge myself or go into more thoughts/feelings/emotions about it and to instead keep it real and simple and breathe to bring myself back here as that which is real and can be physically confirmed by me and every else as the physical.

I commit myself to when and as I experience a sudden emotional breakdown, to NOT make it real and to not FEAR it, but to instead within the realization that it is being experienced as it is because of me giving thoughts/feelings/emotions (mostly emotions in this case) attention and validation over many years and that I never dealt with it and now it is being forced out of me out of the flesh through the actions/activity I am doing and that It is okay to let it go, and to not make it important, and to breathe as the stabilizing point, to then go and write out the experience and everything that I experienced in detail to lay it out for myself and to see what it is, and to then Forgive myself and to give myself a new slate, a new breathe to start over and walk what is best for all life as myself.

I commit myself to when and as I write about past experiences or experiences that just occurred, to check that I am actually within the writing for myself being honest with myself and to breathe while I write it out to see clearly how it all happens and why so that I cannot hide from myself anymore and repeat the past over and over simply because I belief that what is happening to me is something bigger than me and all it is really is me not understanding how it all works and how I created it myself.

I commit myself to when and as I write about the past in self forgiveness to check my starting point and to breathe and clear myself from any mind influences that has an agenda, and to change my starting within the understanding and realization that I am doing this to in fact forgive myself and to not hold it against myself and to give to myself a new clean slate to live the correction and to take self responsibility for any and all consequences I have already created as myself fully.

Day 235 – Childhood Memory and Emotional Body Part 3.6

Continuing from:

Day 231 - emotional Body and childhood memory Part 3.1

Day 232 – Part 3.2 of Emotional Body and Childhood Memory.

Day 233 – Childhood memory and Emotional Body Part 3.3

Day 234 - Childhood memory and emotional body part 3.4

I am continuing from this sentence from the previous blog
“So as time moves on and these situation happen over and over again and I keep on accepting and allowing these thoughts/feelings/emotions to exist and come up within me they start to compound more and more and create layers after layers within my physical body, as the information is stored within the body.

This eventually created my body as one big compounded emotional body.,”
So seeing this point I can see for instance when I do something that will trigger that memory/experience that ALL the layers suddenly hit me, like a wave of emotions.

Looking at the word emotion I see that there is a “E” and what do we all know is known as “E”, it is a reference to XTC – and ETC is a energetic experience, and within this we have the word motion, so it is a motion of experiences that come over self.

And now after years of participating within this same experience as the emotions/thoughts/feelings it makes the motion of the energetic experience BIGGER, and within this when I for instance do pushups and meet my limits and want to do more but cant – then these emotions comes over me and I experience a emotional breakdown within my body, where I will fall down to the ground and my arms just cannot push up anymore –this shows how I have given power to the thoughts/emotions/feelings over my body that it can actually take me down, YET it isn’t even real.

It is like giving the body a electrical shock that I created myself, and then I blame my body for being weak, when in the meanwhile it wasn’t the body at all, it was the mind that forced the beliefs/ideas/opinions as thoughts/feelings/emotions onto the body.

I can see within writing this out how thoughts/feelings/emotions is only limitation, as I see that any thoughts/feeling/emotion that I have compromises the body within its actual functionality, it reduces the body to being less.

Secondly what i see within writing this out is that there are consequences that no one is aware of that can manifest from participating within thoughts/feelings/emotions, because as I can see that I have always only accepted and allowed the emotional turmoil’s within me, and then years later I end up with a emotional problem and heavy self judgments that leads to be abusing my body and so many other things, and then my actions that is only mine but yet part of the whole effects the whole, and then there are millions of me’s doing the same thing every day without understanding anything about thoughts/feelings/emotions, let alone where they come from, how they created it, why the created it and how to stop them.

To be continued on self corrective statements.

Day 235 – Childhood Memory and Emotional Body Part 3.5

This is a continuation of:

Day 231 - emotional Body and childhood memory Part 3.1

Day 232 – Part 3.2 of Emotional Body and Childhood Memory.

Day 233 – Childhood memory and Emotional Body Part 3.3

Day 234 - childhood memory and emotional body Part 3.4

What have I seen and realized thus far within the Self forgiveness I have done in the previous blogs. I have seen that through and within my childhood years I have been raised to compete with other Humans.

The starting point within competing with other humans is to WIN, there are always only two options when competing, this is Win or Lose and it does not matter how many are participating, there can always only be one winner and the rest are losers.

Through competition in childhood years that is taught to us children is done with specific intentions – these intentions are imposed onto the children from the adults through their behavior and words.

So once each child has Identified the behavior/words from the adults to why the child must compete and what is expected within competing from the child, the child has now created multiple dimension within such a point, mainly fear, because no matter what is imposed onto the child to compete and why the one point that is always the same is do NOT lose, or rather we hope you do not lose.

So now as the child has been taught to compete from the starting point of fear the child starts creating inner conflict – this is thoughts/feelings/emotions – and since a child is never taught what thoughts/feelings/emotions are they are left with it to themselves to do with it what they want.

This is where the child will start to compare himself to other children, and within this comparison at a physical level Judge him/her self accordingly. And according to the judgment that is done from a observation with the starting point of fear as to will the child be able to compete and win with the other humans, the child not starts creating Emotions or feelings towards the thoughts of comparison.

The comparison happens at a physical level of integration when there is competition and some Physical bodies that mature faster or slower will be compared with the child him/her self and it will be classified as winners and losers within the mind.

So within my example that I have walked within these blogs I can see that I have taken place in physical activities where the motivation was to compete to win from the starting point of fear which came from those that has gone before me, and within this physical participation of competition I have created memories, the memories is created from. within certain events/scenarios that took place where there was certain impressions given to me from my physical world and the people, and according to their physical impressions I experience myself a certain way dependent on the impressions given to me, either happy/excited adults, or sad/angry adults, and accordingly I create either emotions or feelings, emotions is that of negative and feeling is that of positive.

So now what the physical activity has taken place and the memories have been created from certain events/moments that impressions was given to me on how I am doing within competing I now create thoughts.

The thoughts will come up as a reaction, a response to certain events/scenarios/moments where competition is involved and the thoughts will be to either create or to avoid certain things – as the thought is me looking back at a memory and taking a moment of that memory and reflecting it back to myself in my mind, then I will either have a negative experience or positive experience.

Taking my example again within these blogs and what it is about I see that I have mostly created emotional energetic charges within me, as the memories I have of the past from which the thoughts come from was mostly me Losing and then facing the impressions from everyone around me in their words and behaviors, and accordingly I made those impressions something I want to avoid.

So I use the thoughts that is like a warning sign for me to not want to experience that again or the other way, those emotions – so when and as I do participate within physical activities that is of competition it is within fear which is already a negative emotion, and then if I lose within the competition there is more fear, because now I have already had the thought of what I want to avoid and then the thought becomes reality again because I did not avoid it, that in itself is already more fear and more self judgment, more suppression's and self hatred, then there is more impressions coming from the adults once I face them in my Lost and being a failure and not good enough.

So as time moves on and these situation happen over and over again and I keep on accepting and allowing these thoughts/feelings/emotions to exist and come up within me they start to compound more and more and create layers after layers within my physical body, as the information is stored within the body.

This eventually created my body as one big compounded emotional body.,

To be continued. This is getting more and more specific, stay tuned.

Day 234 - childhood memory and emotional body Part 3.4

 This is a continuation of:

Day 231 - emotional Body and childhood memory Part 3.1

Day 232 – Part 3.2 of Emotional Body and Childhood Memory.

Day 233 – Childhood memory and Emotional Body Part 3.3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a child belief that I am less than an inferior to other kids because I could not compete with them in the physical tasks/activities.

Ok so now I am going to look at the specific backchat that comes up when and as I apply myself within doing certain physical activities such as running or playing rugby or lifting weights or any other activity that requires me to do something more than usual that pushes me beyond my physical comfort zone.

Back chat.
Why am I so weak?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I do a physical activity that is out of the usual that I find difficult to accept and allow the back chat of “why am I so weak” to exist within me, instead I see and realize that if I stop the back chat and instead Breathe that I will have focus and thus more strength to do the activity as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as the back chat of “why am I so weak” come up within me that this back chat is charging energy within me where I push myself down and break myself down with my own words, which leads to me having an emotional breakdown while doing such an activity and quite before I ever actually really tried.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to break myself down though accepting and allowing the back chat of “why am I so weak” to exist and come up within me with the intention of me hurting myself emotionally as a way of punishing myself for not being as strong as the others that I have judged and compared myself to as being more and better than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have the back chat “why am I so weak” that the back chat is speaking towards a certain thought I have within my mind of the past where I have compared myself to others, and thus seeing and realizing that the back chat is a reaction to the thought that then confirms the thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am about to do a physical activity/task that is required of me to do that I first bring the past here of where I have judged others as being stronger than me or better than me and that they would be able to do the task, and to within this comparison make my starting point for doing the task to see if I can be better, and so when and as I do the task and I see that I am failing at the task to then have the back chat coming up of “why am I so weak” still reacting to the thought I first had and then to create a energetic experience of emotions within me of weakness and powerlessness within me as I take my entire past of many years of having these thoughts and back chat and emotions/feelings within me and bring it all together in one moment as a final judgment where I tell myself I haven’t changed a bit I am still weak and will probably always be weak and to then experience a emotional breakdown where I for instance suddenly collapse within the activity or give up and create such an activity/task as a point to avoid and something I don’t like doing.

End of back chat point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am less than the physical tasks that other children can do and I can not, seeing and realizing that I have already judged myself and created thoughts/feelings/emotions within myself of and towards the task where I fail, thus I see and realize that i first have to breathe and stop all thoughts/feeling/emotions I have created towards the task and then to do it and to see what is here and what is real or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if and when I compare myself with others and what they are capable and to judge myself as not being capable within my mind already before I have even tried it, that I will compromise myself within the task and not in fact see if I am capable or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I observe others within doing certain tasks and to within the observation compare myself with them and to within this create thoughts where I see myself either doing the task better than them or worse than them dependent on how I have judge the task as easy or hard and to within this create a line for myself of where I create points within my life of what I am comfortable with doing and what I avoid doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe and to see what is here within new tasks and to instead go into the mind where the beliefs/ideas/opinions I have over a certain task influences me and how I do the task on a emotional lever first and then a physical level as the emotions effect the body according to what I belief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being less than others when and as I see that I cannot physically compete with them, and to within this create a emotional feeling of being inferior to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with other children and their physical bodies and what they are capable of and that I am not, instead of focusing on what I can do and to better and perfect myself within what I am capable of.

Day 233 – Childhood memory and Emotional Body Part 3.3

Day 233 – Childhood memory and Emotional Body Part 3.3

continuing from:

Day 231 - emotional Body and childhood memory Part 3.1

Day 232 – Part 3.2 of Emotional Body and Childhood Memory.

The comfort zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going out of my comfort zone as having to do something that I do not like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing what I do not like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking myself as my body into uncomfortable situations where I have to move my body and use my body and be here as my body to do such tasks, seeing and realizing within this statement that I am actually just to lazy to do something more then my regular accepted and allowed pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the fear of doing something outside of my comfort zone is not within the actual physical acts of doing the task//activity, but that it is the experience of emotional energy within me that I fear experiencing,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going where it is uncomfortable for me within physical activities/tasks simply because of the energetic experience I have attached to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the energetic emotional experience that I fear experiencing within doing the physical activity/task is actually me fearing experiencing myself as the past again, as me within my memories of when I was a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look at the point that I am still that child and that I have simply now avoided me as that child and how I have experienced myself in the past through avoiding physical activities that is remotely the same that I know will bring up the experience of me that I fear facing as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as a child and what I experienced, seeing and realizing that as long as I avoid facing me as the child where I created these emotions and feelings and experiences within me and accepted and allowed them to be me, that I will always give the childhood experiences dominance over my life within what I do and do not do, what I like and dislike and so create my own prison of likes and dislikes as limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as me as the child where I was powerless to the emotions I had within doing certain physical events/activities/tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing physical points within reality of where I face the back chat of “I cannot do this” and “I do not want to do this” as me giving up on myself as I did when and as I was a child where I made these experiences points to avoid within me and so fear them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see points within my world that I need to attend that is out of the regular pattern of comfort-ability to have the thoughts of seeing myself being in discomfort and not enjoying myself, to then have the back chat of - “I do not want to do this” and ‘I can not do this” as trigger points for the resistance fear/emotional experience that is of my childhood to then activate the behavior within me to physically try and avoid having to do it or to get away from doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when a point comes up within reality where I need to move out of my comfort zone as to having to do something more then the regular daily pattern to go into thoughts of the future of how I may experience myself and feel while doing so, seeing and realizing that this is the past experiences of me as my childhood that I have taken and simply projected it into the future again in fear of creating that experience again, thus seeing and realizing that I must stop the thoughts and breathe and direct myself in and as breathe and be here in the present moment, to stop creating the past over and over again as my fears.

To be continued.

Day 232 – Part 3.2 of Emotional Body and Childhood Memory.

This is a continuation of Day 231 – Emotional Body and Childhood Memory Part 3.1

Self-Forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear new tasks that is asked of me to do, within the belief that I will not be able to do it.

Why do I fear new tasks?

I for forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself as my failures and to within that create a point of fear within me towards the general point of new tasks.

How do I fear new tasks?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I fear new tasks to instead of facing such fear within taking the task on, create a resistance towards any and all new tasks and judge it as not for me and that it isn’t what I do as a way of escaping the point to never face it, as I have not created a character that Fear new tasks that is asked of me that will require me to do more.

Continue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I will be when and as I fail a task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of failing a task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I have identified myself as, as the experience of when I fail, as being all emotional and crying and experiencing myself as that, seeing and realizing that I can decide who I am in each breathe and that as long as I keep repeating the past within me I will create it so in reality, instead of breathing and giving myself a new clean slate.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as emotional and weak and incapable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and avoid any and all tasks that require me to push myself beyond the beliefs I have of myself as I fear that once I push myself I can not handle it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being pushed either by myself or others as the pushing itself already is a indication that to me that I cannot do it myself and require help which to me is a indication that I am incapable.

New memory – “Being Bullied in Grade two (8 years old in a new school) I am pushed around on the stairs and falling down, with three younger guys (7 years old) laughing at me while pulling me on the floor and pushing me down on the ground and feeling powerless and confusion to what happening, till I cried and they stopped as other’s intervened.” For new Blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as I am being pushed by myself or others that it is a indication of disbelieve within them towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret being pushed as being a indication from everyone else that I am not capable and to within this create the fear of not being capable and that it will only confirm within others that I am not capable if I fail and thus feel less and inferior even before the task is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within participating within the mind as interpretations of what others are saying to me to create thoughts of projections of me failing and not being good enough, and to within this create the negative energetic experience of fear and anxiety within myself towards what has to come.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to what I think and belief others think and belief of me, instead of focusing on what needs to be done in and as breathe and see what is here and do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a failure within my mind way before anything has even happened, never giving myself a chance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and belief failure to be Bad, due to programming within the system of the current world that is based on winners and losers and that it should determine who we are, never giving us the chance to actually learn and the mind created expectation is based on that you only have one chance and that is it. seeing and realizing that within an equal money system failure will be okay and that it will be a point of learning as nothing within an equal money system will determine your life or future based on if you win or lose, be rich or poor to have a life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as I am asked by others to do a task that seems extreme within my mind and that requires physical durability and strength to belief and feel that I am being abused, seeing and realizing that it is only the mind taking reality and interpreting reality and thus it isn’t what is seems to be in fact and cannot be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the energetic emotion of feeling abused to having to do things for others where it is required that I have to push my body into uncomfortable situation to accomplish these expectations other have of me and where for a moment I will not enjoy myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not se and realize that because I have had a comfortable life where I always could decide what to do and when I want to do it or if I want to or not that when something is asked of me that requires me to go out of my comfort zone.

To be continued.