Day 499 - My the force of resistance be with you

the force of resistance is always against oneself, it is always as if the wind is blowing exactly in the opposite way of where you are walking, no matter which direction you turn too to avoid the force of the wind. 

walking with resistance is like climbing a mountain barefoot, placing your feet on the sharp stone corners, as it cut your feet little by little, till eventually you just stop climbing and decide to not continue anymore.

But, if you had shoes on, if you prepared for the trip, if you took into consideration the practicality of what is required to climb the mountain, then climbing the mountain would still have been hard, it would still have made you tired, but those are the things you can handle, it actually makes it more fun, feeling your body and your breathing, pushing through your limitations and boundaries and reaching for the top, instead of recklessly stumbling into a journey.

The problem is, one do not always know what the journey might require, one can thus not possibly prepare for the journey in any aspect, more specifically an internal journey, a point you are facing, yet there is always another way, instead of continuing climbing the mountain barefoot, one can develop a new skill, the skill of being patient, to not rush, to first climb down the mountain from the first cut on your feet, and to go find your shoes, and then continue the journey, and if one finds again that shoes wasn't the only thing required to climb the mountain, but something else, such as water, one do not continue climbing in the hope that you will reach the top fast enough to not need water, you again breathe and climb down, go fetch water and then continue climbing again, otherwise the resistance is always a choice within a point of ego, wanting to be more than reality, not actually having to change but to only reach the image, idea of change, standing on the top, but no one ever reached the top this way, as the ego always goes when reality gets though.

in this case - comparing the climbing of a mountain journey to the journey of a person walking their own personal process of change, of changing self into the living expression of LIFE, as that what is best for all life, with all the tools provided, such as Breathing, self forgiveness, developing self honesty and common sense. a person will climb many mountains within themselves, and climbing the mountain will be seen as "strong" and "good" but is it done with resistance continuously, instead of each point of resistance being investigated and taken on to a point of self support, this will mean climbing down, but most judge climbing back down as falling, most will deem it "bad, and thus rather keep on walking with the resistance, till their feet are sore and they are drained from water, the substance of LIFE and actually fail, quit, stop their process, instead of climbing the mountain till there is clarity and everything is seen and thus lived of/as each and every part of how the top was reached and understanding the journey.

see this is what the person that stops at the first point of resistance do, he climbs down to prepare to fetch the shoes, to then again go up again,  and then down again and fetch the water once he sees water is needed, and the go back up, every-time a little bit higher, and this person comes to the top stronger, he comes to the top understanding every dimension of the bottom, every level of the mountain and what is required to climb it, he/she has truly learned, he/she has truly developed self trust, confidence, he has truly built humility with himself, patience, he has developed so much of himself, that he can help the next person climbing the mountain either preparing for it or even prevent each level/each point within climbing the mountain, and thus bring forth change to himself and others much quicker, even though his process took much much longer, he can not climb the mountain for anyone, as everyone must still climb the mountain themselves to reach the top the same, but the journeys will be walked slightly different.

I myself have found through my journey, than when there is a point of resistance within me, that is it something from the past, a point I did not consider even though it bothered me, like a cut in my foot from climbing the mountain, but ignored it - and that it is accumulating more and more, I can handle the pain/resistance on a daily point, but the outcome of doing it this way will and can only lead to one thing, stopping, and thus every time I have a point of resistance within me, even if there are hundreds a day, I take on point of resistance and I climb back within myself, I check what it is that I have ignored, or not taken into consideration, what is it that is causing the resistance and to correct the point, because like walking against a strong wind, you can not see in-front of you, you have to consistently block and shad your eyes from the strong wind, the resistance, and you get irritated and feel like just sitting down somewhere, hoping the wind will calm down to make your journey calmed, but the wind, the force is this time within you.

Day 397 – Male Ego/fear relationship Commitments.

These commitments are from Day 394 Male ego and the fear relationship part 2 part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself only when there is energy moving me.

When and as I see myself looking/waiting for energy to come up within me for me to move myself – I stop and I breathe – I take a moment to see what is here practically to do, or what I can do within the time that is here and to direct myself/Move myself, seeing and realizing that waiting for a positive/negative experience to move me is impractical and can take forever and thus I might never move myself within walking/moving/directing myself as energy, thus I commit myself to when and as I see that I am waiting for energy to move me to stop and to breathe and to move/direct myself within common sense and practicality within the principals of what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that energy as the Ego which is from the mind as thought/feeling/emotion is required for me to move myself.

When and as I see that I am waiting for a thought/feeling/emotion to give me direction to move myself – I stop and I breathe – seeing and realizing that thought/emotion/feeling is already a reaction/energy as the ego moving/directing me – thus I commit myself to when I see myself waiting for a thought/feeling/emotion to move me to breathe and to focus on what is here as seeing direct what I can do within the moment and what is here as self-movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only move once I experience some form of energy as the ego which is at its foundation a fear energy/negative.

When and as I see that I am moving myself from the starting point of fear – I stop and I breathe – seeing and realizing that moving as fear does not mean what I am doing is wrong or I should stop moving but that I must change my starting point where my movement is within moving myself within the principle as that which is best for all life as fear is completely useless, thus I commit myself to when and as I see that I am moving within fear to breathe and to change my starting point to what’s best for all life as a walking principle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require fear to move, and that I must first experience this fear to be motivated to move, and then out of fear create an Ego which is a cycle of patterns that will always ensure fear to exist within my life so that I can always be motivated to move.

When and as I see that I am accessing the belief construct that I require fear to move and that I must experience fear to be motivated to move – I stop and I breathe – seeing and realizing that I am accessing a pattern of sabotaging myself within self-movement, thus I commit myself to de-construct this self-created belief of fear enslavement within moving myself through writing and self-forgiveness within the principle of what’s best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and participate within a polarity construct where I create the negative to achieve the positive and to always go back to the negative to motivate myself again.

When and as I see myself participating within a polarity construct where I create a negative experience just to seek the positive experience as a point of moving myself – I stop and I breathe – seeing and realizing that I am enslaving myself to always time loop and to not really move forward but only swing from one side to the other, thus I commit myself to investigate this polarity construct that I use to move myself within fear through writing and self-forgiveness within the principle of what’s best for all life.

Day 396 – Male Ego and the Fear Relationship Part 3.1

Day 393 - Male Ego and the Fear Relationship Part 1
Day 394 - Male Ego and the Fear Relationship Part 2
Day 395 - Male Ego and the Fear Relationship Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Make/create monuments out of moments within my head and to prey off the energetic experience of that to feel good about myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Define myself as who I am as the energetic experiences that make me feel good only, and to within this ignore and hide the bad experiences which is the originating place/source for wanting the good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Create a belief about myself that I must be a bad person and not good enough a person, and thus I must prove myself to others within doing things that are impressive or seemingly big, so that I can feel big and impressive about myself, seeing and realizing that if I am looking for a feeling of being big and impressive then it will only last a while as it isn’t real and based on actual self-definitions of who I decide I am in each and every breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as small and weak within my head and thus seek to be the opposite without through my actions and what I am doing, so that I may change how I am experiencing myself inside to feel big and impressive, seeing and realizing that within such a mental relationship with myself I will always go in circles as I have to decide who I am within words and to then live those words as me, as living words one and equal as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life about proving myself to others, yet through all the attempts of proving myself to others I have never been satisfied or passed the test within my head, as I see and realize that the test in my head simply changes all the time to make it more and more, the proof must be more next time because this time, this proof wasn’t good enough for them, to changestheir minds, yet seeing and realizing that I am never changing my mind, or stopping my mind, stopping the gossip and the back chat within my mind about me and about life, and to actually live something real for once that I need to prove only to myself within the principle of what is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or even admit to myself that I feel shit and useless about myself and instead I attempt to always hide it within impressing an Image of who I want to be onto others through seeking out opportunities/moments to do something out of the ordinary and to then creating monuments for myself in my head that I have to always check up on and keep in good shape and good condition through doing the same thing over and over or else it will fall and break and then the Image will be lost and I fear that if the image is lost I will be seen as nothing and thus be useless and have no purpose. – which is really just me fearing that my own belief/definition of myself will be validated/confirmed and has actually nothing to do with other people (interesting, it’s like we fear being right about ourselves hahahaha)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being right about myself, meaning fear of being right about that which I fear about myself or that I am perceiving others are thinking about me, which is just me thinking it about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that what I think about myself and who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to define myself can/will be proven right and that it is so simply by getting feedback from someone else in a moment of ‘no notice’, and thus I will always try and change the Minds of others to change any given feedback to be that which I desire through making monuments out of moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on the positive/negative energy feedback of what others have to say about me to determine if I will be positive or negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself according to the feedback others give to me about me or on me or towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide anything and everything I do based on the feedback I get from others as feelings/emotions/experience within me about myself that is not related to actual facts but instead fiction as the imagination as the mind, seeing and realizing that when I rely on this that I will always only change the mind and never in fact change who I am, as who I am relies on physical feedback that is real and measurable in the physical which I can use to correct myself in fact and not to simply change my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not getting feedback from others to determine who I must be as a personality to feel “alive” and like I have purpose and to within that only move myself/direct myself when someone else is offering me positive feedback and to crawl away when it is a negative feedback.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear real physical feedback from others as I fear having to face me as who I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as within the mind as fear as a polarity construct that has two simple buttons to push and to give commands with, where I am subject to reactions as fear and reward to move


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having any purpose, and within this seek out purpose in doing meaningless things in moments that seem big and impressive just to be noticed and to be “kept in mind” by others to feel like I have purpose, seeing and realizing that within this I am accepting and allowing myself to be subject to others and in fear of what others are thinking and wanting/expecting the entire time, and to somehow connect that directly to myself personally and what I do and how I act and so forth, seeing and realizing that this is Not how I want to live my life and to be a puppet of my own fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to others and to be influenced by what others have to say or may think about me, and to within this create a fear within myself because I know I am accepting and allowing myself to subject to what others are thinking about me or have influence over me, seeing and realizing that when and as I walk as Principle and not as personal, this fear cannot exist as the principles that are what is best for all life in all ways and living this principle as me in fact (does not require personal concerns or issues or all the bullshit that comes with the fucking ego) as Life as the principle’s life is a living of breathe by breath within physical reality and not the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear PERSONAL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word personal and that it is BAD.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that someone else will see me take something personal and thus it means I still exist as the mind and not as Life. Seeing and realizing that this is a fucking process and I will face the revenge of the ego as what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as,. YET the point is to always make it a Point to walk as principle as that which is best for all life and when and as a personal point comes up to breathe and to self-forgive as that is what is best for all life as the walking breathing principle

Day 395 - Male Ego and the fear relationship Part 3

Day 393 - Male Ego and the fear relationship Part 1

Male Ego and the fear relationship Part 1

Day 394 - Male Ego and the fear relationship Part 2

What is a Monument – a monument is something you built in honour/respect/glory for someone else for what they have achieved.

Dictionary definition: “A statue, building, or other structure erected to commemorate a famous or notable person or event.

What does “commemorate mean, Dictionary Definition: Recall and show respect for (someone or something) in a ceremony.

So how do I then Create Monuments out of Moments?

Let’s use a moment for instance - I am at the river, we need to get to the other side, everyone takes the bridge, I decide to jump over – so I run and I jump and I make it over, it was done form the starting point of EGO – I did it within disbelief of myself, I did it within fear of not making it, yet doing it, I did it just not to be “regular” – I did it to attempt to show and proof that I am better, I can achieve something everyone else that is there with me can’t do it, and the ego/mind gets such a nice kick out of it that the entire time that event will be what sticks with me, I feel good about myself, I feel like I have achieved glory, I deserve respect, I must be honored, and in that moment I would even not mind to have an actual monument made for me to show it off to everyone else that comes there (the river place)

for instance in history we will only recall the ‘great moments’ and the ‘heroes’ and we forget all about the hardship and sickness people went through. So here it is the same with you and the river, after the event takes place – all you remember is the positive side of the story as you being great, you don’t even remember the fear/negativity that was behind it, and so you change history/how things happened to just ‘you being great’ and forget about the part where you feel less than everyone else as the reason/motivation why you jumped in the first place)

This type of moments happens a lot, on a regular basis with small things that seems like it does not matter even, it even goes as far where I would do it just for myself and I would become my own crowd, cheering me on and so forth. By small I mean, I would play with a bottle and then flip it in the air and catch it perfectly again, then I would glorify myself just for that, but while doing it, the physical action, there is anxiety that it might go wrong any time, and then before I even did it I had fear that I am incapable of doing something such as that, even so small.

Ok so there is a few examples giving perspective – so now down to what are the initial points to look at within this, first of all, taking the point back to self, where I believe it is to prove something to someone else, it is actually to proof to myself. Because I have created a disbelief within myself. And through all those moments that I create monuments out of, I am enforcing the disbelief within myself no matter how much I do it and perfect it; it is the starting point of why I do it that is what matters.

The starting point as the ego/Mind is fear – here the fear is ‘fear not being able to’ and thus disbelief within myself. Which comes from ANYTHING within this world such as school/education/parents/friends/TV/Media MOVIES and so many other things that we accept and allow to influence us, we are always under an influence, that’s why flu exist, to get some of that (In Flu wins) Out – because we let the influence WIN, No integrity to stand within and as breath and decide for ourselves who we are, because we were never taught that we can make those decisions and that they must be what is best for all life – if who we are isn’t what is best for all life, which is also standing one and equal as life, then then we can only exist as a ego, because its self interest, not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Make/create monuments out of moments within my head and to prey off the energetic experience of that to feel good about myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Create a belief about myself that I must be a bad person and not good enough a person, and thus I must prove myself to others within doing things that are impressive or seemingly big, so that I can feel big and impressive about myself, seeing and realizing that if I am looking for a feeling of being big and impressive then it will only last a while as it isn’t real and based on actual self-definitions of who I decide I am in each and every breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or even admit to myself that I feel shit and useless about myself and instead I attempt to always hide it within impressing an Image of who I want to be onto others through seeking out opportunities/moments to do something out of the ordinary and to then creating monuments for myself in my head that I have to always check up on and keep in good shape and good condition through doing the same thing over and over or else it will fall and break and then the Image will be lost and I fear that if the image is lost I will be seen as nothing and thus be useless and have no purpose. – which is really just me fearing that my own belief/definition of myself will be validated/confirmed and has actually nothing to do with other people (interesting, it’s like we fear being right about ourselves hahahaha)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having any purpose, and within this seek out purpose in doing meaningless things in moments that seem big and impressive just to be noticed and to be “kept in mind” by others to feel like I have purpose, seeing and realizing that within this I am accepting and allowing myself to be subject to others and in fear of what others are thinking and wanting/expecting the entire time, and to somehow connect that directly to myself personally and what I do and how I act and so forth, seeing and realizing that this is Not how I want to live my life and to be a puppet of my own fears.


To be Continued.

Male Ego and the fear relationship SF - Part 2

Continuing from Day 393 - Male Ego and the Fear relationship Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself only when there is energy moving me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that energy as the Ego which is from the mind as thought/feeling/emotion is required for me to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only move once I experience some form of energy as the ego which is at its foundation a fear energy/negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move as the ego as fear where fear is being the motivator for me moving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require fear to move, and that I must first experience this fear to be motivated to move, and then out of fear create an Ego which is a cycle of patterns that will always ensure fear to exist within my life so that I can always be motivated to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and participate within a polarity construct where I create the negative to achieve the positive and to always go back to the negative to motivate myself again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this polarity construct a “norm” within my life, where I believe it is the only way I can move myself, and to within this always experience myself as fear as negativity, to then as the ego create positivity from using the negativity as a motivator to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear within me as a constant experience as myself as a way to keep myself fueled and ready to act/move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build trust within fear as my motivator because of the perception that I have that it has always worked, because I am still here and breathing so fear must have helped me, seeing and realizing that when I look back, all that has ever happened was is that I kept myself in one place, I built a prison for myself to never truly live and to be life and to grow and move forwards, as the fear functions in a way where I have to fall back all the time to be able to re-create the fear to use it again as a motivator, no matter how many times I overcome it or walk through it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that Fear within itself is Nothing, it is a energy/experience and not an actal movement, and that the movement comes from me only, seeing and realizing that if I experience Fear and then move myself or don’t move myself, that it isnt the fear doing it, it is in fact the physical movements/actions, and that when fear is removed, then the actions can still remain, and then the actions isnt reactions which is a compromise, I can actually consider the next move or be clear within my movements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see that fear is passive energy, and that it requires the physical to move, which means fear is really useless and only makes me feel shit the whole time, experience myself shit the whole time, which then leads to me physically moving myself either way into positive or negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fear this big power within me and giving it this extraordinary power within my imagination, seeing and realizing that in reality fear has and is nothing unless the physical moves and follow on the fear, and even if the fear isn’t there, the physical can still move the same, and thus fear is only a Prison of self within the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when I use fear as the ego to move me to be my motivator, that I am conditioning myself within a vicious cycle of self-abuse, where I beat myself up within always scaring myself and literally bringing myself down within myself just so that I can get to a point of being motivated again and do it all over again and so the cycle continues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the experience of fear and how I use that fear to motivate me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and have defined myself as being “unable” to move myself without fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot exist without the ego, as I have defined everything about me as the ego as fear in every way of my being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear living without the ego/fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deem myself as unable to live without fear/ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I have no fear that I will not know how or when to move myself – seeing and realizing that I have always only moved myself within self-interest as the fear only existed for and as my self-interest and thus once I stop the fear, I will lose self-interest within fear and thus I can start moving myself within what is best for all life as myself and that requires common sense and not fear to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear not being able to move myself from a starting point of self-direction in alignment to what is Best for All and within that fear of ‘not being able to’, allow myself to only move myself within and from fear – not seeing and realizing that within doing so I am already failing myself and thus really have nothing to lose and should just go ahead and take that step of letting go of the fear and unconditionally walk the process of aligning my self-movement and self-direction to that which is Best for All as I see, realize and understand that I have nothing to lose but only to gain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that If I do not fear everything in my life that I will not be able to control my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I ever had any control of my life when fear – the ego - has always been in control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have been controlling my life with fear, not seeing and realizing that fear has been controlling EVERYTHING within my life and that I have always only been the puppet doing what the fears tell me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to do what my fear/ego tells me to do or I will face my fears coming true, not seeing and realizing that when I follow what my fear shows me or tells me that I am actually slowly creating and making my fears real, when all they ever did was exist within my mind and now I am actually playing out scenarios following the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot exist without fear and that I will always have an energy experience within me, not seeing it possible to end EGO/fear and to live as the physical breathing one and equal moving self within self-honesty and common sense – seeing and realizing that this is yet again the ego creating a fearful cycle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not se that in the past there was moments/times that I did not have any fear and that this is proof to me that I can axist without fear and that fear isn’t necessary, seeing and realizing that fear is something that was taught to me and shown to me within how the world as a whole exists and within how I was raised and taight by those that has gone before me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to fear, and to ignore the proof of the past that I do not need to be conditioned within fear as I have as a child lived without fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am Fueling myself up with fear/ego as energy, that that fuel must come from somewhere – and just like how we are fucking up the earth body we live on through seeking out oil and all energy sources, so am I doing the same with my body, using real natural resources to create temporary fuel just to survive – live as fear.

Male Ego and the fear relationship Part 1

Ego - (E) is for Energy - so its Energy on the GO, the ego requires energy to move, to go and this is acquired through creating the fear points and using it, a vicious cycle that becomes “normal”, gathered in quick fill-ups, and Fear is like the perfect way to stay fueled, because fear as the foundation of ego is also what motivates the ego to go and search for E (Energy).

So here is what I see - when I have fear within me all day, I am fueled and thus the Ego can use this fear (energy) to do the things that is required to make the Ego blow up like a balloon, it inflates moments, making moments monuments.

The question then is, why does males (me) make it a must have, the ego, why do I believe I require the ego, that I need to have the ego – it comes from lack of self-respect, self- honor, and self – integrity living as the physical as life, where instead  the mind is validated above all – and thus false Images, where we attempt to become the Image and Likeness of the false images of the mind instead of equalizing ourselves with the image and likeness that is real as the physical – which is yet to be understood through the process of stopping the mind.

One example.

I have a fear that I am weak, that I am not strong like other’ guys, and this fear motivates my ego/mind to do things that are small and make it seem like a big thing, like - I am asked to fill up bottles of water, there are six bottles of water that needs to be filled, each bottle is twenty liters (20kg), that is quite heavy to carry, in my mind I fear that I will struggle carrying these bottles and the fear comes from a point of comparison, where I Imagine in my head that other guys will be able to do this easily. So there I am creating fear to motivate me to do this task, the motivation is to also do this and to do it better, just to prove my imagination wrong.

So now when I go and fill up the bottles of water, I will fill up TWO bottles of water and I will carry two bottles of water together, and thus I will make something Big out of the situation - I initially had the fear of not being able to carry even one, and that I will not be able to do it when someone else in my imagination can do it.

PLUS - I had the fear that I would not be able to do the task that was asked of me, and fear that the person that asked me to do it will see me as weak and not have any use to do anything.

So now the ego has enough Energy to motivate me to GO, to move, but I am moving as energy which I am then conditioning myself to, to always require energy to move within this certain task, and my mind will always create the FEAR to have the energy, and everything in relation to doing this task becomes a fear.

This is a weekly task, and weekly I have fear, I have now find that my first point of Fear that i have created to motivate me to do it and to Prove my imagination wrong where I fear being less than someone else, through doing it and doing it 'better'. And this first point of fear is fear of forgetting, fear of not filling the bottles in time, and now I will remember to fill the bottles out of fear.

because the male ego can not take a hit as "being labelled as forgetful" so now everything becomes about keeping this energy UP, keeping the image and likeness up that the energy is creating, meanwhile, I simply have to move as the physical breathe by breathe, and who knows what possibilities lies within that, NO fear, but what will motivate me then?

And this way the Ego is really charged up to Proof all this self-created fears wrong - which originated from within the imagination, where the imagination creates inflated ideas/beliefs/opinions about the task and my relationship with myself within the task- which comes from self - definitions and believes that I have accepted and allowed to exist as me that came from outside influences, instead of me defining me through the fact that I am life equally as everything else, and thus the ego is a separation from that, not really separate but an illusion that it is, which separates me within everything I do and thus creates Fear all the time.

Day 374 – Distractions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create entertainment for myself before I have done all that I need to do and then the entertainment becomes a distraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself within the entertainment within the justification that I am tired and deserve it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the indulgence that takes place within entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become hypnotized by entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my time first within entertainment and then when I have time left give that time to priorities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and my effectiveness within not living breathe by breathe and applying what matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use how tired I am a decisions making factor within what I am able to do or not, seeing and realizing that I am only compromising and creating excuses and justifications. 

I commit myself to push through to do all my priorities before any form of entertainment.

I commit myself to honor myself through living my priorities and to not compromise my priorities.

I commit myself to live my priorities and to show self-respect for myself through living them as myself and to not give into entertainment.

I commit myself to live in such a way that I will always be proud of myself and that I will always be able to stand by myself as myself no matter what, and to never have an excuse.

Day 343 – Getting home from work, the Fly trap.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I get home to sit down for a LONG time and just watch shows and drink coffee and stand around and waist time, instead of doing what I know I have to do and do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not do what I have sat out for myself to do once I get home from work and to instead fall into the MIND as the thoughts as the back chat of “ I had a long day I deserve to do nothing for a while” seeing and realizing that it is a excuse/justification for what I am not doing what I set myself out to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone what I want to do and get done once I get home through falling into the mind instead of remaining in breathe and doing physically what needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I get home and see others are watching something to GET distracted and to then sit down and also just watch something I don’t really want to watch for the sake of doing nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by what is going on at home once I get home and to then fall into the pattern of staying within the distraction from the fear of missing out, instead of seeing and realizing that I can simply stand up and go away and do what I set myself out to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make LESS time for myself and what I want to do through being distracted by what others are doing and busy with once I get home from work within the fear of Missing out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone what I want to do ir set myself out to do through and within the fear of missing out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see that when and as I get home from work that the Lounge is a Fly trap and that I am the fly and that if I get distracted and fly into the fly trap that I will trap myself, and not see the opening till it is too late and I have missed all the time I had to get the things done I wanted to get done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a rush hour for myself through wasting my time being distracted by what others are doing and busy with and wanting to just be around within the attempt to feel that I am not missing out within the excuse within myself, I was out working all day, I can sit down and do nothing now for a long period of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and create myself as one big excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see that work during the day is hard and that it does take my energy, but once I get home after an hour of driving and doing nothing I have recovered and thus I have all the energy I need to do more and more and that breathing is a tool I have that does not require energy to move myself and thus can always be used to see what’s real and not and thus I see how I create the excuses through using the past and creating it in the present just to have an excuse of “ I am still tired” I must sit down and watch this episode, and the next one, and drink two coffees, lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue with this pattern for a couple of weeks now as a actual decision I make within myself every time, seeing and realizing that compromise and self-sabotage and the level of doing that to myself I am still at and how disturbing it really is for myself that I still haven’t corrected myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone correcting myself within the excuse that I have already not corrected myself for a couple of days now what is one more day going to change, not seeing and realizing that that one more day has turned out to be a couple of weeks now and that I have created a pattern that is now controlling me and directing me and making decisions for me and thus compromising myself entirely as the mind as energy as limitation to what I am truly capable of when I breathe and push myself to my potential I know I am if applied for myself in self honesty.

Day 274 – No such Thing as Justified Back Chat – Part 3

 Day 272 –Confidence (Con the Evidence) in our heads – there is no justified back chat.
Day 273 – Confidence in our heads, no such things as Justified Back-Chat Part 2 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that having back-chat in my head abut others compromise my actual talking to others as the back chat will interfere as reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that talking about other people in my head is deceptive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I talk about another in my head and to then talk to them in real live that I am lying and deceiving them and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have secret conversations in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I talk to myself within my mind that I create reactions as the feelings/emotions I generate within me within what I tell myself as the thoughts I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a alternative reality within my mind where I can have secret conversations within my mind and to believe that it will have no consequences within reality when and as I have to communicate with others for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have secret conversations in my head about others or things - that it is a side effects of who I am and have accepted and allowed myself to be within and as the past events/experiences within my live and that back chat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that back chat I come up with in my head as reasoning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my reasoning within my back chat to see why I say what I am saying and to bring the points back to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that the back chat I have is but a mask to hide myself from myself as parts of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my back chat is valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have back-chat about others or things that it is a indication or a reference for me to see what the back chat is defending and what I can do about it that the back chat is de3fending/hiding or what I am UN-willing to look at.

To be continued.

Day 273 – Confidence in our heads, no such things as Justified Back-Chat Part 2

 

Continuing from:

Day 272 –Confidence (Con the Evidence) in our heads – there is no justified back chat.

It turned out it was a BIG NOT!! Joke. Where you say something and ends it off with NOT!! Hahaha.
Those were simple all along all my cleaver disguised justifications/reasoning/manipulations I used and actually created myself as them to make them real so others should believe me. Fuck it is weird shit.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within back chat believing it is justified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my back chat because I am able to reason with myself in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that reasoning within my head with myself as back chat towards/about others/thing is a reason for consuming my head with shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my own voice as back chat within my head where I am always right and where my reasoning conveniently always make sense/reason.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if and when I am always right within my head within back chat that there is a problem and I cannot trust myself in my head at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I always believe what’s going on in my back chat as reasoning that I will built a deceptive confidence within myself that is always against myself as my reasoning within my head is only prom my perspective based on my limited knowledge and information in my head.

To be continued.