Day 366 - a Schedule for Time Management.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist putting up a schedule on how to spend my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that creating a schedule is a form of limitation, seeing and realizing that creating a schedule is a way of expanding self to do more, and to breathe more and to be here in and as the physical, as a schedule will challenge actual self-movement to do things that needs to be done over the brainwashing that moves oneself all the other times as how one feels, and thus a schedule is a support to become physical movement and to not be moved by brainwashing/limitations of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that schedules does not work as it determines on me actually doing it, and if I do not keep to the schedule then it is useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am incapable of following a schedule on a daily basis because of past experiences of schedules never working out as things always change. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a schedule is a MUST do all the time, instead of seeing and realizing that a schedule is a guideline that I can follow, to not waste time, and that when and as things do maybe change then it is flexible, but that it is always to go back to the schedule and follow through and to not ignore it just because one things on the schedule did not work out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist creating a schedule for myself because I judge it as telling myself that I am ineffective because I am reliant on a schedule, seeing and realizing that it is because of my effectiveness that I am creating a schedule and thus being effective within such an action, and to not make a schedule I am actually being ineffective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that schedules are for losers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that schedules are for people with no will power, seeing and realizing that it takes will power and courage to create a schedule and to stick to one as possible as one can.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to fear that once I have a schedule that I will have no time to waste around on doing nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having any time when and as I will be following a schedule all the time to use my time instead of just having the time to do nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create future projections of what it will be having a schedule.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about making a schedule instead of making a schedule.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit and think about making a schedule and within that make assumption and ideas and opinions and beliefs about schedules instead of making one and doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT discipline myself within moving myself within effectiveness and what I can actually do once I have a schedule.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that once I have a schedule that i will not have time to waste in my mind thinking and instead I will be busy and doing things all the time that is productive.

I commit myself to create a schedule tomorrow and to start with my schedule tomorrow and to follow through on the schedule tomorrow and to not thing about it and to not postpone it and to stop the thoughts and back chat about it and to actually walk a schedule for myself to bring self-discipline, where the mind does not decide for me what to do as I feel, but where I move as the physical do what is next and to get it done.

I commit myself to when and as I get home from work tomorrow to go to my room and to sit down and to create a schedule that works within the time that I have and within placing all the things on the schedule that matters.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am going into postponement or resistance of creating a schedule to stop and to breathe and to stand up and to move myself and to do what need to be done.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am overloading myself within my schedule to start off with all the basic things first that I usually always do and then to add what else I can fit in within the time available that is practical and the common sense thing to do within my process within my self-honesty.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am not keeping to my schedule to sit down and to write and to see where it is that I am giving into the mind and to thoughts and to stop and delete the shit, the brainwashing as it will show me when I am unable to do the schedule that I am clearly in the mind as brainwashing and pre-programming, because It is moving and directing me according to feelings/emotions/thoughts instead of me moving as breathe as the physical.

Day 353 – Less Play more Time, then where is my time.

I have stopped Playing games for a long time now, at least a year, I have stopped listening to Music as I used to, like always having it in my ears compared to now listening to music when I hear it from somewhere else maybe, I have stopped watching consistent series/movies as I used to like every day, compared to now once a day, one episode here or a movie once a week.

I stopped all these distraction as I saw I used them as distractions to hide or to avoid or for any reason really. So that I can get myself back here and get down to business/work the real stuff happening.

YET, I am encountering a very strange thing, I have stopped ALL these things that I used to spend HOURES on and even days to have all those hours and all those Days free for myself to apply myself in alignment with what is here and what needs to be done. Yet I haven’t reached a single thing that I wanted to do instead of doing all those distractions.

Sure I am working 11 hours a day, sure that is a lot of time, sure I do not have all the time left I used to have, but according to the evidence, I still spend more time playing games for instance, listening to music, or watching 5 episodes of a series in a row.

So what has been happening in that TIME that I used to use and that is now literally open for discussion to what can and could have and should happen in that time. – well Nothing.

I surely haven’t been taking naps, I haven’t been laying around on the couches, I haven’t been just sitting in a chair for hours, or cooking every night, NO I haven’t been doing that much every night after work, I basically do my basics such as eat, shower, go on a chat if I have one, check my email, check the news, go out of the room every hour or so, then write a blog just before eleven and post it.

What I would like to add to that list is – I transcribed some Desteni material, I made a Youtube Video, I red some posts and document on Desteni forums or Equal Life Foundation or Equal Money System websites, I would like to add to that List that I have done some other form of writing besides my own blog.

Those are the exact reasons why I stopped all the other distractions (that was distraction for me), yet I still haven’t gotten to them.

It is quite simple really, once I look at all the evidence of myself, the extra time I created for myself and that I do have, is wasted within Back chat, thinking, imagination, all those moments of 5min here and three minutes there and 10 minutes over here quickly, thinking or back chatting, counts up to an hour or even two hours.

BAM there all my time is lost, gone and wasted forever. I missed all the windows of opportunities; I fucked myself back into yesterday so to say.

The back chat I face the most is back chat that leads to – Should I, or Should I not, Can I or can I not, am I allowed to or am I not allowed to.

This is what it leads to, like I am waiting for someone higher to tell me what I can and can not do, if I am able to do it or not, should I do it or not, it is a back and forth tennis game, and the interesting part is, I always decide NO, or I force myself into the point of not being able to. to not to be able to do it though the time spend in back chat.

So I decide No and someone else must decide Yes for me, yet I am the only one in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use the time I have effectively within deciding yes or no and to then do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for the right circumstances before I will decide yes to do something such as reading or making a video.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to occupy myself within back chat of “should I or should I not” and to always force my time to not being able to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not take myself there and to Do it in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to force myself to do things, instead of doing the things that is “natural”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I want to read or to make a video that I will have to force myself, seeing and realizing that I am not breathing effectively within relaxing and self-intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the points and to Know how to solve the points and what I can do and should do and to never do it, and to not live it, and to constantly create this exact points over and over and end up with self-hatred.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for not breathing through the points and walking them as myself and to see where the road not taken leads.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my own suffering within myself and within my own time loops and to then pity myself on them, instead of standing up and walking and breathing and stopping the bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create self-disappointment within myself through knowingly not walking the points that I see I accept and allow within my daily application, and to then make my time loop a point of self-pity, where I make myself believe that I am suffering because of this time loop and thus I am stuck and cannot get out, seeing and realizing that I use the self-pity as a way of manipulating myself and others to justify why I am not standing up and not walking the physical points of self-application effectively to change who I am and to what I do to bring about a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am within and as the Believe that I am suffering, that I am having such a hard life, to stop and to breathe, to within my realization that it is self-pity I am participating within, as a way of manipulating myself and others, to not to have to do more, or move myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am participating within self-pity, to stop and to breathe and to see that I am participating within accumulated back chat of self believe, and thus it isn’t real, and that I must breathe and make a decision on my next move and do it, and to not play games of sorrow and self-pity with myself to manipulate myself to only then make a decision once I have confuse the shit out of myself to have a justification to why I did not move or direct myself effectively within what is best for all lie, or to bring about a world that is best for all life.

Day 345 – Prioritizing my Time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my Time through not prioritizing my tasks within the time I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave what I have to do up to chance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my time through doing things that does not need to be done because I do not prioritizing my tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that when and as I do prioritizing my tasks that I will have to give up my laziness and actually do what requires to be done according to my prioritizing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing out on self-entertainment points such as just sitting around once I prioritize my time and what needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear self-perfection as self-perfection requires elf discipline and living what I set myself to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back from self-perfection through not prioritizing my tasks within the time I have and to leave everything up messy reason.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted as and within the mind from what matters within irrelevant thinking patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that distraction is an indication of no self will power but me following pre-programming as brainwashing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by the mind as the thoughts I accept and allow within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone prioritizing my tasks within the time I have after work to be as effective as I can, setting up a SYSTEM for myself to follow and to really push myself within my effectiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that when and as I priorities my time that I will now not have time to relax, seeing and realizing that I must anyway always be relaxed in everything I do and not be in fear of what I am doing and that I can also add relaxing time within my schedule and also priorities relaxing time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create stressful times for myself through not prioritizing my tasks and then only remembering my tasks once I have been notified of them which is a indication of being late and thus the rushing starts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Blame distractions and everything else in my world for me not getting to my priorities, seeing and realizing that I blame because I am lame when I know I was the one remaining the same in the moment of change instead of standing up and moving myself and getting to what needs to be done.

Day 343 – Getting home from work, the Fly trap.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I get home to sit down for a LONG time and just watch shows and drink coffee and stand around and waist time, instead of doing what I know I have to do and do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not do what I have sat out for myself to do once I get home from work and to instead fall into the MIND as the thoughts as the back chat of “ I had a long day I deserve to do nothing for a while” seeing and realizing that it is a excuse/justification for what I am not doing what I set myself out to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone what I want to do and get done once I get home through falling into the mind instead of remaining in breathe and doing physically what needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I get home and see others are watching something to GET distracted and to then sit down and also just watch something I don’t really want to watch for the sake of doing nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by what is going on at home once I get home and to then fall into the pattern of staying within the distraction from the fear of missing out, instead of seeing and realizing that I can simply stand up and go away and do what I set myself out to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make LESS time for myself and what I want to do through being distracted by what others are doing and busy with once I get home from work within the fear of Missing out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone what I want to do ir set myself out to do through and within the fear of missing out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see that when and as I get home from work that the Lounge is a Fly trap and that I am the fly and that if I get distracted and fly into the fly trap that I will trap myself, and not see the opening till it is too late and I have missed all the time I had to get the things done I wanted to get done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a rush hour for myself through wasting my time being distracted by what others are doing and busy with and wanting to just be around within the attempt to feel that I am not missing out within the excuse within myself, I was out working all day, I can sit down and do nothing now for a long period of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and create myself as one big excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see that work during the day is hard and that it does take my energy, but once I get home after an hour of driving and doing nothing I have recovered and thus I have all the energy I need to do more and more and that breathing is a tool I have that does not require energy to move myself and thus can always be used to see what’s real and not and thus I see how I create the excuses through using the past and creating it in the present just to have an excuse of “ I am still tired” I must sit down and watch this episode, and the next one, and drink two coffees, lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue with this pattern for a couple of weeks now as a actual decision I make within myself every time, seeing and realizing that compromise and self-sabotage and the level of doing that to myself I am still at and how disturbing it really is for myself that I still haven’t corrected myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone correcting myself within the excuse that I have already not corrected myself for a couple of days now what is one more day going to change, not seeing and realizing that that one more day has turned out to be a couple of weeks now and that I have created a pattern that is now controlling me and directing me and making decisions for me and thus compromising myself entirely as the mind as energy as limitation to what I am truly capable of when I breathe and push myself to my potential I know I am if applied for myself in self honesty.