Idea versus Ideal Day 602 – Day 5 of 21

I have so many ideas during my everyday living – my ideas are always inspired for world change, how I as an individual can start something, make it big and make it happen. I write down many of my ideas and some I post on social networks, where they get some feedback. I appreciate any and all feedback.

Ideas come and go, this is what I have seen for myself, and sometimes I act on these ideas, to physically practically check it out. These Ideas I act on are usually small things that are possible right now, so it is easy and I have feedback quit quickly and can thus change my idea and test it out again.

One of the Key points I have realized within acting on small ideas is to take and idea and to mold and shape that idea into an Ideal, not an Idol, then we will have a problem.

I always align my ideas that are BIG to group activity and efforts, and always in alignment with the principles I live by to benefit and support and assist all those equally that I can currently reach and that stand equally as me. As I know it will only then spread out more and more.

The problem I face is a Fear, where I get an Idea that isn’t something that can be done right here and now, it is something that requires time and effort, to set the IDEAL of the idea already in the planning without having the opportunity first to just test it and then correct it. Because any BIG Idea that goes public effects that idea and how that idea is manifested, so a second chance is very hard after that, an unfortunate consequence of living in a system where there are winners and losers.

I have been in the process of bringing a BIG Idea to live, to manifest it, it is taking time, the planning, the research and all the practical points that is required to be in place before even exposing or revealing this idea to not have any assumptions already made, and that is of course part of and in alignment with my process and living and standing as a Destonian and the Desteni Principles and group. As the group always comes first.

So the point I am facing is the fear of the unknown of not having that space and time to take a BIG idea and first check it out, I must basically give it one shot and that will be it for this one particular idea, and even if the idea fails, it will not mean it was a bad one, it can simply mean that I have missed a few points, and thus the Ideal isn’t met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking a BIG idea and to follow through with it into manifestation and that it might not work and where the reasons will be that of missing small points within the Ideal outflow I wanted and saw within the Idea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear making BIG mistakes and who I will be within that miss take, where I can already see myself getting back up and starting over, yet I fear having to go through the whole process again just because of missing a few points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rush into manifesting my big idea as soon as possible just to find out if it will work or not, and to within this miss the IDEAL and what I must practically consider within the Idea as to as much as possible ensure that the Ideal of the Idea is to manifest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to flood my passion and vision and Idea with too much unnecessary information within a fear as a paranoia of messing it up and to within this take the idea and making it into a typical sales pitch and missing the passion completely of where the Idea comes from as a self-directed and creative movement within me that isn’t of knowledge and information but a physical movement of living and manifesting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going BIG and Viral.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what will happen if my BIG idea actually manifest and how much of a difference it will be from what I saw within me and my mind versus reality as I had no time to first check and assess as what I do with small ideas on a daily living scale.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself within listening to the mind as knowledge and information as comparison where I compare myself as less than those that has made big ideas come true and were able to be flexible and moveable to adjust and make it happen, and that I am not the same, yet I know within me as my expression that I am, I can I am capable, I must simply take the lead/jump after preparation and cross reference with others and to know that in breath I am okay, I am here, I am doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the voices in my head of what other people will say and think about my crazy ideas and that it will not be possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR my response to others when and if they might have negative responses towards me and my crazy ideas and that I might just get more crazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect everyone to just go with it and make it happen and then it will work, yet seeing and realizing the mind as I am facing it now will be equal within everyone else and thus as I face my point I will be able to support and assist others to also see that what seems crazy and impossible and even radical is simply pre-programming holding us back from breaking through our fears. And as long as what we are doing is within self-honesty one and equal to our expression sanding within such a point will be natural and not a fighting and reactive process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT believe in myself and my potential within me for creating change and effecting this world for a better world that is best for all life. And to within this hold back so much and so many times in fear, in self-judgement, in insecurities and so much mind shit that I have never even given myself a chance to stand up and show my head in the crowds for something different, something that will NOT immediately been smiled upon, yet if I stand as me as my expression in passion and obsolete principle of what’s best for all life, I will be guided one and equal and bear the fruits one and equal.

To end it off – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this WAY bigger than what it is within my mind, as the mind tend to already place oneself in the Famous seat in the spotlight, which is a false idea and not and Ideal way to approach anything in expectations, Be here in breathe moving direct within physical reality and no illusions.

Day 478 - I am a South African

Yes it is true, I live on a continent called Africa, and I am in a country that is based on the southern tip of Africa, I was born in this country and I was raised in this country, I have the language of this county and I have the cultures of this country, I also have the personality of this country because this is where I was born.

All my life I have been proud to be a South African, I have held this nation within me as MY COUNTRY, I felt honored to be here, I used to watch sports where we compete against other countries and I would scream and be all hyped up for OUR COUNTY, my country to win, because if my country win I can say even with more PRIDE that I am from this country.

Over time I took on a personality, a character that is SOUTH AFRICAN – this is quite interesting, because there are many types of characters/personalities within South Africa, due to us having such a wide range of races living here, each race having their own back ground and each race within our/their races having different cultures and religions, yet there is an overall personality of an South African that we all have in common, it is a beingness, it is the substance of the people living in SA that is of the same.

I am a Caucasian, a white young man living in South Africa, I grew up after Apartheid, so I do not know the struggles, and I do not need to know it, yes I must be educated about the past to not to repeat it, but I do not have to know it, that’s why Mandela did what he did, so that I do not have to know it, live it, experience it and be a fresh new beginning for all humans.

And this is where I am about to make my point, I may be of South Africa, this may be my birth location, this may be the land that I grew up on, but I am not actually a South African, because I could have easily been born in China instead of here, or in America, or in Russia, or in any other country, and then what?? Then I would be a Russian, or a America, or a Chinese, or a European and then I would have had a personality/character of that country, the same as I have one now of South Africa.

So what makes my South African personality so unique or so special, or my culture or religion, if it could easily have been anything else just because of where I was born or could have been born, a complete different family or race or culture and that would have been me then.

So I have come to realize and see for myself everything within me that I value as a South African has to change, the starting point within me for why do I want to be a South African, why do I want to label myself as that, as that personification that I add to my nature/character (the attribution of a personal nature or human characteristics to something nonhuman) that comes with it.

What if my country got destroyed today and I had to move somewhere else, who would I be then? I can’t claim I am a South African then, South Africa is non-existent then.

There are so many point that I as a South African can look at myself and who I am and how much of who I am comes from the idea/belief/opinion of my country and how I have shaped myself according to those ideas/beliefs/opinions, and to within this I can see more weaknesses within me or strong points, and I can see how many of them are simply a result of the idea/belief/opinion I have of my country, and because I have valued myself, and defined myself and affiliated myself as my country thus I am now subject to all these things that isn’t ME, or who I am, yet at this moment it is who I am, because I have accepted and allowed it to be so, to be so natural.

It is quite a limitation within itself – I have over the years met dozens of people that come from other countries and cultures and races and I have spent months with these people and even married a specific one ; ), and it turns out we are all exactly the same, till it comes to talking about countries, it becomes a comparison, it becomes a competition, it becomes very interesting, how each one is naturally defending their country and making their country their own, divide and conquer is truly a weapon of mass destruction, it is imbedded within each of us, our country, our nationality – we can leave our country for many years, we can be away for as long as we like, but deep inside there is a program laying in waiting to fight for your country.

But I have found within myself quite a change regarding this point, because I have stopped participating within all the “normal” cultural events and TV, for the past seven years, it has opened me up to truly develop myself as a human being instead of a South African, and I have come to realize that there are so many negative things attached to each and every country that people take on as their own, as if being born into a certain country means you must be this or that, or the people in your country are placed into a stereo type definition, and now me as my country have to fit into that stereo type of person.

MY country is so though, my country is dumb, my country is intelligent, my country is uneducated, my country is poor, my country is rich, my county is sophisticated, my county has the best people, my country is uncool, my country is better than your country – here I am mentioning things we all have in mind at some point, and we take those generalizations about our countries or others and we make it part of ourselves, of our actions, of how we interact with others, and this is a limitation, it is within boundaries of who we can be, image the world as one.

So I suggest for us as a human race to overcome all the problems we face culturally or in religions, or within races or within any other things that separates you from the world, to let go of it, you were simply born into the country, into the body into the cultures, into the religions that you are now and could have easily been anything else if you were born somewhere else, and by this self-honest common sense reasoning let go off the separation of countries, of people of races or cultures and religions and realize, it isn’t you, you after death is what remains. And I can guarantee it’s none of what we are fighting for so strongly now as our limitations.

I am from South Africa, its a saying of reference, not a statement of who I am. I love South Africa's weather and the nature and the environments of nature and the sun are all references and likes, not who I am. I want to live here because it is fun here, it is joyous here sometimes, those are statements of preferences, not of who I am, who I am must be able to live anywhere and be the same, as death will be our final destination. did we live as one and as equals will be our test, did we manifest a life that is best for all life, those will be the things we take with after death as who we are.  

Day 274 – No such Thing as Justified Back Chat – Part 3

 Day 272 –Confidence (Con the Evidence) in our heads – there is no justified back chat.
Day 273 – Confidence in our heads, no such things as Justified Back-Chat Part 2 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that having back-chat in my head abut others compromise my actual talking to others as the back chat will interfere as reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that talking about other people in my head is deceptive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I talk about another in my head and to then talk to them in real live that I am lying and deceiving them and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have secret conversations in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I talk to myself within my mind that I create reactions as the feelings/emotions I generate within me within what I tell myself as the thoughts I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a alternative reality within my mind where I can have secret conversations within my mind and to believe that it will have no consequences within reality when and as I have to communicate with others for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have secret conversations in my head about others or things - that it is a side effects of who I am and have accepted and allowed myself to be within and as the past events/experiences within my live and that back chat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that back chat I come up with in my head as reasoning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my reasoning within my back chat to see why I say what I am saying and to bring the points back to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that the back chat I have is but a mask to hide myself from myself as parts of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my back chat is valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have back-chat about others or things that it is a indication or a reference for me to see what the back chat is defending and what I can do about it that the back chat is de3fending/hiding or what I am UN-willing to look at.

To be continued.

Day 273 – Confidence in our heads, no such things as Justified Back-Chat Part 2

 

Continuing from:

Day 272 –Confidence (Con the Evidence) in our heads – there is no justified back chat.

It turned out it was a BIG NOT!! Joke. Where you say something and ends it off with NOT!! Hahaha.
Those were simple all along all my cleaver disguised justifications/reasoning/manipulations I used and actually created myself as them to make them real so others should believe me. Fuck it is weird shit.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within back chat believing it is justified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my back chat because I am able to reason with myself in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that reasoning within my head with myself as back chat towards/about others/thing is a reason for consuming my head with shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my own voice as back chat within my head where I am always right and where my reasoning conveniently always make sense/reason.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if and when I am always right within my head within back chat that there is a problem and I cannot trust myself in my head at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I always believe what’s going on in my back chat as reasoning that I will built a deceptive confidence within myself that is always against myself as my reasoning within my head is only prom my perspective based on my limited knowledge and information in my head.

To be continued.

Day 272 – CONfidence (con the evidence) in our heads, NO such thing as Justified back Chat.

Day 272 – CONfidence (con the evidence) in our heads, NO such thing as Justified back Chat.

Back-chat is where a person talks to him/herself in his/her head about others/things I mean fucking everything.

So back-chat in short is gossiping in our heads with ourselves, sipping the poison we rotate within our heads about others/things in general, mostly others/comparisons

Back chat is a Bitch, it is like this other self we have created within our heads that we LOVE to talk to, as we know love is a suppressor for fear, so we talk and talk to this other self we create in the back of our heads and we believe EVERYTHING we tell ourselves as the other self.

Take a look, that YOU, that talks to you in your head is a bit different then who you are when you actually speak to others, it is always more confident in the head speaking to self. like selling it to yourself.

So we have a confident little fucker in our heads as ourselves that we like to use to gossip and to reason and to justify and to blame and to compare and to play games with.

And as we know someone with confidence is always the dominant one, we have confidence in our heads because we know it is in secret, and we believe NO one can see us talking to ourselves in our heads, so we can give ourselves what we believe we miss in reality in our heads, this is dangerous because we are and have now made the fictional voice in the back of our heads the preferred voice we LOVE to hear and listen to over the real voice we talk daily to with others.

This Back chat is always Visible within our physical behaviors and how we move and how we talk, not the sound that comes out as per say, but how the body movements is and the facial expressions and the now and again reactions which is actually mostly constantly.

The back chat is clearly visible when one acts on it in a direct way, then everyone knows what the fuck is going on in a persons head – but most of the time the back chat will always do what is best for "self interest always" in secret little ways/things, such as spitefulness and nastiness and how we use words with secret intention.

Back chat will fuck with Self because it is self listening to self about others where instead of Growing and expanding and living LIFE and breathing and moving and doing what we can do within what requires to be done we will instead try and play games of FAIRNESS and to be spiteful and to blame and judge and to just constantly limit ourselves for the sake of doing those things to others to feel we have achieved something, REALLY!!

I have been taking on this point for years now face on everyday on the Farm, I have become someone I never saw myself to be, I can move myself I can work when I have previously made myself  believed I can not do so anymore till I did it lol, I can built things and make things and move thing sand direct things I previously never did, because I was for instance done with my working time, or I was apparently to busy already, or I have worked so hard already before, I mean the back chat piles it all up and just crushes self from living.

I have walked this many times in many cycles and I am in a new cycle now, I have thus far improved with every cycle, I have made commitments and live them to in each cycle to take on each point that presents itself where I can expand myself instead of looking for fairness and taken it on and do it, those that fell within, I know they will come again and I will stand.

I was told once " when you drive in the road and you hit a pot hole, the car will have minimal damage, but is okay, learn from it and when you have to drive the same road you will know what to look out for and not hit the pot hole, or take a different road, someone has to be really stupid to hit the pothole again"

so I use this, I learn to know myself, I know my reactions I know my back chat I see the potholes I have created for myself, so when the moments arrive I already have a new route prepared to take, a different road or a way to not hit the pot hole, it always starts with first stopping all back chat that one catches having in a moment of awareness here, and to then see what was already created within the back chat (potholes) and see whats the next practical step. I say yes, this is how I have grown.

I say yes where before I would have done anything to get out of a job or why not to do it immediately, I avoid the pothole, I take a different road, and then I see, I realize.its no about what others do or do not do, its about me in the moment as who I am.

I have realize the one point that has made me and sometime still a walking Zombie, what is a walking Zombie, it is where the same shit/points of back chat repeats itself everyday in defending self own ideas of fairness and only to create limitations for self in the name of some weird Idea that fairness exists, take a look around, fairness is none existent. We have to take self responsibility for ourselves and not compare and fight others the whole time in our heads to be fair within what we do. Each being takes on self responsibility for themselves and so we move in the equality of that.

The real question i had to ask myself was, when and where can I stop, I have found my limit yet because it seems that I am able to break through and push through all back chat and just keep doing it, and I am still alive, Fuck previously I thought I would die of tiredness or not have time and fail at other things or that I am to busy already.

It turned out it was a BIG NOT!! Joke. Where you say something and ends it off with NOT!! Hahaha.
Those were simple all along all my cleaver disguised justifications/reasoning/manipulations I used and actually created myself as them to make them real so others should believe me. Fuck it is weird shit.
To be continued.

Day 45 - Reversed Comparison - weird logic.

I have noticed during my day within participating in activities where there are others that there is competition, the competition that I am talking about isn't what you would expect, it is like a secret competition yet visible in reactions/behavior, where each individual is constantly comparing what they are doing with others, but the competition is to see who does the least work, either self or the other.

From my own experience I notice that I will be doing work, I will be busy with my daily task, and I will do what needs to be done to finish it, here comes the big BUT, But when someone else comes along and ask me to help them with something else, or to do something else for them, there is a reaction a EGO - the mind/energy.

I react because I now have to do "more" than what the others are doing due to my own comparisons and back chat in my mind, I will have back chat like, why don't you ask that person, why do I have to do it, why don't you do it yourself, it is so small do you really need my help, and so the EGO will see and try and find any way possible to not have to do this "EXTRA" work and fighting for its own limitation and to keep the physical enslaved as energy so that the physical can not stand up as life as a limitless expression in each breathe to do onto another as you would do onto yourself.

Does this have to do with us all being Rotten children, that we need something to motivate us to do things, do we have to get rewards for doing things and extra rewards for doing more.

It is really limited in all its ways to self - it is mind enslavement.

It is a constant comparison GAME - we each will do what needs to be done but not more, because we look at others, we see what they do and accordingly we become little self righteousness  cunts so to say - we become reactive and judgmental, this isn't fair, this is unfair, why me, whea whea whea, like little babies.

And we all do this, we all believe we are so special and important and that our life's are so busy and already full of things to do, we can not help each other, we can not do something else for someone else, it is so fucking unfair to help someone else, look at what they are doing, look at them being lazy, why aren't you asking them for help, why me, why me, why me.

This is all part of the ROTTEN CHILD SYNDROME - imagine our world exist only out of people with this syndrome. We are in big shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare what I do to what others are doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare what I do as being more than what others are doing, and so I create the judgment/believe that what i am doing is already a lot of work in comparison to what others are doing, and so create the unfair point when I am asked for help to do "more work" then others (out of my own created believe) and that it is unfair and so accept and allow my own limitation, realizing that all of this only happened in the mind, when I look at the physical and take the mind and all the comparison and all the back chat out, I see that there is more than enough time to help others and that I have created and manifested my world as to busy through compromise and deliberate in my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a constant "game"of seeing where I can do the least work, realizing that I have created this game as a power play over others as to show them that I am busy and that if I help them that I will want to receive a rewards as I have sacrificed my "important/limited time" to help them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when someone else asks me for help, realizing within the reaction there is a accepted and allowed limitation, and that I have to be strict with myself to break the accepted and allowed limitation and to move beyond the mind created limitation and do what is asked of me, so that I may realize what is real and what is not and to rebirth myself as that which is real within and as the physical one and equal as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others in my environment to see who is doing what and how much so that I can create reactions within me towards other when they ask me for help as to that I am busy "more than others" and that asking me for my time to help them or to do something more is unfair and asking something "BIG"of me and thus I would want a reward for my help, realizing that this is only a clear indication for myself that I have the "rotten child syndrome" where I am a slave to energy and the mind in complete limitation of expressing myself as who I am within and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create "my time" as more valuable than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value others time as being less than mine, realizing we are all here in this world within the same time and that with working together we are supporting and assisting each other to make the most of the time we have here as o create what is best for all life this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight and defend my own limitations within the point of comparison and what I am capable of doing and what not, realizing that I can only fight for my own limitations if I am not aware of my own limitations as I exist within the mind that is energy based and thus rely/need energy to move and can not see anything beyond that but its own limitation, instead of breathing and being here in and as the physical as who I am as life one and equal, doing onto another as I would like to be done onto within the realization that only within the mind that exist within a limited bubble in your head can and will defend for its own limitation, as it is all the mind knows, thus to rebirth self within and as the physical where there are no walls limiting self movement to help others and do onto another as you would do onto yourself within the principal of what is best for all life is possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that comparison is normal behavior, realizing that comparison is a manifestation as a infestation within the current way the world is designed and accepted and allowed to exist as where we all compare to win and receive rewards, as this is what capitalism is based on, winners and losers, realizing that this isnt normal behavior but a accepted and allowed behavior as who we decide to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that comparison is justifiable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that comparison is limitation as a judgment of self within the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that comparing myself to what others are NOT doing to what I AM doing and to react on that as if it is righteous and just when the time comes and I am asked to do more and I say no, not realizing that I am limiting myself and enslaving myself to the mind as energy as polarity of the mind - not allowing any self growth as WHO I AM as life in and as the physical one and equal here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others and what they do in comparison to what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in comparison to what others do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge what I do as always being good and right and more in comparison to what others do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge what others do as always being less than, not enough in comparison to what I do, realizing it is all about WHO I AM, and not what others do, as who I am determines what I do, thus realizing that my actions and reactions is a indicator as to who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, thus I can not see t and change within the understanding that I am only defending my own limitations and enslaving myself within and as the Mind as limitation, thus it is to stop the mind and to breath self into and as the physical one and equal as life.

I commit myself to stop the Rotten child syndrome as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become and exist as one and equal to, and to through writing and self forgiveness stop the mind as enslavement and limitation and to rebirth myself through living the self forgiveness into and as the physical one and equal as life.

I commit myself to expose the Rotten Child syndrome that exist within each one of us as the reward system within this world as capitalism and to show that it is the cause of current parenting and that children isnt thought any real values or Principals of self honor or self respect that is based on LIFE within what is best for all life in all ways and that the Rotten child syndrome is the opposite of the message of Jesus as do onto another as you would like to be done onto you.

I commit myself to show/educate myself and others that we need a new system a system that is not based on reward bt on principal as oneness and equality as that which is best for all life in all ways and that this system is the EqualMoney System and that self forgiveness and self honesty is the key to re-birthing self as life as shown by Desteni how to use the tools.

Join us in the 7 year journey to life blogs.

Day 8 - developing half assed skills through comparison

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself towards others with in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself towards others in what I do and thus sabotaging myself in the rush to keep up in comparison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself with in comparing myself towards what others are/can do and thus I feel I need to be able to the same already, and so I rush myself to keep up, and with in this I miss things and tire myself out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create competition with in comparison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I compare myself to others and with in this negative judgment towards myself sabotage myself with in doing what I can do best because I now feel that what I am doing isn't good enough anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into isolation when I compare myself to others and what they can do because of the judgments I have created about it and with in this identify myself as les than.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have identify myself as less than others with in comparing myself to others and their abilities and what they are capable of doing when I am still in the learning process and thus I give up on myself and feel that what I do is useless because there are already people that can do more and better than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in competition with others through comparing myself with them and what they can do and what I can do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my learning process through looking and comparing myself with others, instead of focusing on myself in each breath, doing what I do till I become more effective and develop the skills fully, and not half assed because I rushed it just to reach where others are already.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things half assed because I rush myself to reach the level of others with in comparing myself to them.F

I forgive myself that I have not realized that other people have developed the skills they have through being consistent with in the learning process and that it took time and effort to built the certain skills they have and are applying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not see and realize that I will in time have effective skills when I apply myself accordingly and that I have to commit myself with in developing certain skills to have them, and that it does not magically happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to De-motivate myself deliberately though comparing myself to others and to judge myself as not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough when I compare myself to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself with in being consistent with in developing effective skills through comparing myself with others and judging myself .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be patient and consistent with myself in developing effective skills.

I commit myself to be patient with myself with in developing skills that is best for all and to when ever I see I go into comparison to stop and breathe, to realize that I am learning and that with in time and with in applying myself consistently and effectively that I will develop the skills.

I commit myself to work with the skills I already have and to develop myself further with in other skills when I have the time, or I make time, and to when I see I compare and sabotage myself to write and forgive myself and to stop sabotaging myself.

I commit myself to focus on myself and to work with myself first and to not participate with in comparison and sabotaging myself and to develop myself through practically applying myself for that which is best for all life in all ways.

As I realize compromising and sabotaging myself is not best for all life as I am postponing and prolonging my process when I compare myself, and not developing my skills fully and effectively that will and can support all life to bring about a world that is best for all life as I birth myself as life.