Day 320 – Tired Character the road to success Part 6

Day 318 - Reactive Character
Day 319 - Insecure Character

Fear Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people asking me to move when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will have to Not be tired to do my job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when and as I am tired that I will miss out on what’s happening.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people will think I am weak when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think of me when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to appear as lazy when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear tiredness in itself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the weakness in my body that I experience when I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing time when and as I am tired and moving slow and siting down for long periods.

Thought Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought where I see what I have to do to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought “where I doing something I do not look forward to” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself doing the same stuff again for the day ahead” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself having to deal with the same people again and taking what they are giving” to exist within and as me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself falling in the exact same routine as the day before and nothing changing” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself NOT getting to the things I want to because I will be so busy with the other stuff all day” to exist within and as me.

Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself sitting and doing nothing” while I am busy with work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine myself resting from working or doing what I am doing and that within this I might enjoy myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the opposite of what I am doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself Not dealing with any people for the entire day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the ideal way of spending my day where I am not working to much or where I am not dealing with people all the time when and as I am doing that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am asked to do something for someone to imagine myself not having to do anything for anyone for the entire day and how I would enjoy that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine change during my day where I do not have to do the same things over and over again, seeing and realizing how this creates a tiredness within me as I am in conflict with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself going to bed early and that I will then not be tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself sleeping less and less and still Not being tired and how I do all the same things during my day and even better sometimes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine How I have already Done all the things I wanted to do for the day and to then not have to rush or get stressed and can go to sleep without ever having a bit of tiredness and waking up feeling refreshed.
Internal conversations/backchat/voices
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I must be coming forth as being lazy because I am tired” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back chat of “I don’t want this day to be the same as every other day’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the internal conversation within me of “If I have to do the same shit again today I will be exhausted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the internal conversation of “ If I keep on doing this same work every day over and over I will get burned out and it will be the people giving me the works fault if I am tired and unable to work” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ fuck I have to do this again” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the Voice in my head telling me “this isn’t your job, you should not do this, it is someone else’s job” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the voice within me saying “if the fuckers give my THEIR work to do again today I will go nuts’ to exist within and as me,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when my day does not go according to how I wanted it to be as I imagined it to have the back chat of “ I am not getting anywhere, this is pointless” to exits within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I have to do the same shit over and over every day that is asked of me by someone else when it isn’t my job, to have the internal conversation of “this isn’t my work, why the fuck am I asked o do this, I will never be able to learn or to get somewhere with my own work if this continues, to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I Feel that everything I do isn’t my work to do, to have the internal conversation of ‘ This isn’t my work to do, so therefore I must be getting tired when I do this” to exist within and as me.

Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked to do things that isn’t mine to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked to do the same stuff over and over again every day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the reaction of feeling like I am going to explode to exist within and as me when and as the same stuff is asked of me to do over and over again as if it is a favor, like I want to do it, as if I am that kind of guy that leaves everything I have to do behind to do a favor for someone else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked to do someone else a favor, seeing and realizing how I have made it a believe within my mind that the more favors I have to do the more I will get tired, because favors have nothing to do with work but for someone personal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word favor and like it will be something that will tire me out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as my day isn’t going as I have imagined it to go and as I was intended to make it go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked of a favor by the tenth person for the day as if I am a favor machine and that isn’t allowed to say NO. and to accumulate this anger I create of feeling abused and to eventually wanting to burst and instead keep it all in and becoming emotional and wanting to hide which then makes me tired and so I will hide within tiredness.

Behaviour Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become defensive within my words and actions when and as I am asked of a favor.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look down and to start making up excuses to why I can’t do the favor.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself in a way to avoid specific people so that I cannot be asked to do something such as a favor.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to avoid people that I know will ask of me to do thing that I did not imagine to do for the day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am given a task to do to rush myself as being a good boy that does what is asked, instead of breathing and moving within each breathe and so I see and realize that through pretending to be all good boy soldier doing what’s asked of him and rushing to do it as the polarity of what’s going on within me, is what makes me do thing Physically that tires me out and thus compromise myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aggressive when and as I am pushed out of my imagination world into having to do things, even if it is for others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry within myself and so move and behave in a way that isn’t pleasant for me or others as I look like someone you want to avoid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself unnecessary just to look busy so that I cannot be asked to do something for someone else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk a lot around in a rushing manner to give the impression that I am busy and cannot be asked to do anything, seeing and realizing how I am tiring myself out through following the mind as the wants and needs and desires instead of actually doing what required of me which will be a lot less then what I am doing just to avoid the work lol.

Day 319 – Insecure Character – Road to Success Part 5

Day 318 - Reactive Character, Road to success Part 4

Day 319 – Insecure Character – Road To Success Part 5

Fear Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking stupid in front of other people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sounding stupid in front of other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I have said the wrong things in front of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking like a child when I am doing a man’s work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being taken seriously by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being physically inferior to others and for my age and design as being a male.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be seen as an equal in a group.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear smelling dirty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my voice does not sound man enough
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not seem tough enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as weak.

Thought Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture in my head where I have already compared and judged myself to others and placed myself within a specific light as being insecure about myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me not being accepted by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of someone I am interacting with seeing me as less then them and making fun of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me being rejected by others as not seeming to have enough knowledge and information with me as they want to have from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me being objectified by others for the way I speak.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of seeing myself being laughed at by others that are physically bigger than me and have real manly voices when I do not.

Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine myself getting bullied by others that are Physically more than me in size and in manliness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting laughed at by the people I am communicating with about how I communicate and sound while doing so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting frowned upon by others because of how I might smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being rejected by others for the way I look today as how I dress.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being belittled by others for being skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being questioned by others for how old I am as I still look sixteen but am doing real man work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being teased by girls for the way I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself standing all alone while all the girls is grouped together looking at me and laughing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting in a fight because of other males finding me weak and pathetic and thus making me an easy target and so abuse me.

Internal conversations/Back-chat/voices
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ Fuck that guy is Big” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ God dammed I don’t have the info on that” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ I hope I don’t sound stupid right now” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “dame I smell myself, please don’t let the girl’s smell me” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I am so skinny and Thin, it must make me look weak’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “this person looks like everything I feel inferior to” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I look like a sixteen year old when I am twenty three” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “why the fuck can’t I just look better and gain some weight” to exist within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I must gain muscles and beard and a manlier voice to have confidence to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I am stupid and must too stupid to’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “No one can take me seriously as long as I do not look my age’ to exist within and as me.

Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am feeling stupid within a conversation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone comments on me being skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else comments on my body image.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I struggle to read something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else is behaving in a way that makes me feel small.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I stand on a scale and see I haven’t gained any weight in 4 years.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else comments on how I smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as girls say I am skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else tells me I am stupid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I have to interact with someone I have compared myself to as me being the inferior one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I do not have vocabulary that seems like it should be known by all already.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my own Image in the mirror.

Behaviour Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure to fold my arms.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about my body image to stand straighter and puff out my shoulders as an attempt to hide what I am experiencing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about how old I look to attempt to look older through facial expressions that is intimidating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about how smart I am or what knowledge and information I have to speak about thing I know more and more just to give a different impression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to clamp my arms down when and as I feel insecure about how I smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk with my head down and my shoulders bulged in when and as I feel insecure about myself in general.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to make my voice deeper and more manly when and as I feel insecure about how I sound.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use laughter a lot and smiling a lot when and as I feel insecure about what is being discussed or talked about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind my smile when and as I am insecure about who I am in the moment and whatever is being discussed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a lot of physical movements when and as I am insecure about who I am within a discussion or a situation.

Day 318 - Reactive Character, Road to success Part 4

The Reactive Character, This Character is around during my day a lot, mostly all my actions/behaviors come from that of reacting.

Fear Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to Fear that I will be abused.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear that I am now going to do something I won’t like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear that I will have to obey someone I don’t like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear what the person will say.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, Fear that what is about to happen is about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear that I will be involved.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear what might be coming.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear the worst within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear that I will
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react to Fear what will happen afterwards.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react to fear that I will have to pretend now

thought Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought of seeing a picture in my head where I am doing something I do not like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts of seeing others looking for me in a picture of the past just to use me for their interests.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be used by someone just for their interest and that I will be the slave within doing so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thoughts of “seining someone being lazy and asking me to do something for them instead”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of doing the same shit as yesterday again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thoughts of seeing myself never getting to my own stuff and just being occupied with doing other peoples shit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thoughts of unfairness where I will see in my head how I will be doing a lot and the rest as many will do almost nothing and still just ask me to do more and more.

Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the imagination to imagine how I am doing what I belief I am supposed to do in opposite of what is being asked of me to do all ay.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use imagination to create “perfect scenarios in my head of how I believe things should be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Imagination to create Fairness as situations pictures, voices, moving pictures in my head that is always to convince and proof to me that there is unfairness.

Internal conversations/Back-chat/voices
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat of “what the fuck do you want today” within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat of “don’t ask me to do you shit again” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have internal conversations within my head about others such as “ you are a lazy person, just look at what you do all day and still you have the guts to ask me to do more, wtf” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat of “what the fuck do you want now, I need to starts working on what I am here for not your personal shit” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “fuck you I am doing what I want” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the back chat of “ Why are you asking ME’ exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ I am busy, don’t ask me shit” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the back chat of “it’s not my job, do it yourself” exist within and as me.

Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Anger when and as I react.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the anger when and as I react through using it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the emotion of anger as an energetic experience to exists within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerlessness within me when I react.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the powerlessness experience as a reason to react in anger.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the experience of feeling that I am gaining power when and as I react to justify why me reacting it the right thing to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use what I experience within myself as reasons and excuses to react to have the secret outcome as my 3wnats/needs/desires to come true.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see and realize that any attempt within reacting is to have a want/need/desire to be fulfilled which is based on self-interest which thus makes the reaction not valid and anything the reaction is about not true lol.

Behavior Dimension
Before.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tense within my body in the expectation’s I have for the day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the behavior I am as before any reaction is the built up of the reaction as it is a polarity game and thus I need to be breathing and not creating shit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am relaxed I built up tensions of for when maybe the relaxing might end, and thus my behavior starts to change to where I will act certain ways to avoid being asked to do anything or say anything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the reacting character sits and creates the conversations in my head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around thinking and making things up in my head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Pretend that I am busy and doing stuff when I am really not having to do anything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into avoiding things and people.

After. When reacting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react to get physically stronger and stand more forward and in a almost fighting mode.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I react and I am possessed that I will tend to go far and walk and move more and try and get away from people just to not to have to do anything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend to be busy when and as I react towards someone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry when I react, to manipulate. Showing it isn’t real or valid already lol.
To be continued.

Day 317 – Road To success – the Road inwards Part 2

From Day 316 - Road to Success Part 1

Day 317 – Road To success – the Road inwards Part 2

Ok so from my last Blog I have gotten a view pointer to look at, first of all I will look at these points the Desteni Way, the way of taking self-responsibility for who I am.

This is what is in my way, now first let me make it clear, when I say it is in my way I am not saying it from a point of separation or like it is a Pest or like I have to now simply chuck that which is in my way aside, that is still separation.

When there is separation, there is fear – So I am taking this on to stand one and equal to that which is “in my way”, so that I can change from that, because standing one and equal means it is and will always be part of us and thus never have any control or power over self, because we are it, we decide.

So as the Who I am I can here look at the Personality that I have created myself as, as energy and then within the personality there are many characters that make up this personality.

Taking on each character point is the way to go, one part at a time.

Characters.
Funny Character.
Tired Character.
Reactive Character.
Obedient Character.
Approval Character.
Insecure Character.
Resistance Character.
Hiding Character
Slave Character.
Smiling Character
Frowning Character.
Kind Character
Friendly Character
Mean Character.
Lazy Character.

Ok those are a few of the characters, I can see that each character is connected to a specific word, as I the living words I am.

I will within this road to success take on each character. It will be to learn to know they self truly so that I can be true to myself.

First Character I will take on will be the reactive Character as that is the one I face the most, I will walk this character and the rest here within the following structure laid below as it was given within Heavens Journey to Life Day 162 Character Dimensions – Introduction.

Fear Dimension
Thought Dimension
Imagination Dimension
Internal conversations/Back-chat/voices
Reaction Dimension
Behaviour Dimension

To be Continued.

Day 204 – Self judgment and Aggression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is necessary for me to judge myself as a way of punishing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self judgment as a way of making myself feel bad about myself so that I can feel good about myself again later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize than when and as I judge myself for everything I do that I will get frustrated at myself and never change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge myself that I am actually ANGRY at myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within judging myself only create anger within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that judging myself does NOT help anything or anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge myself ro anything happening within my world or within me that I am only motivating anger and thus aggression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge myself within doing something or learning something new that when I try it again I will try and do everything I can to avoid the self judgment, and when and as I point does not work out I judge myself again and thus built up anger towards myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that aggression is a byproduct of when I have judged myself within something over a long period of time and the judgment only kept coming and never saw any change – not seeing and realizing that judging myself in the first place is what isn’t allowing any change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that aggression/anger is always towards self and that when and as I want to take the aggression out on someone else that I am blaming them for ME not changing or judging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that aggression is when I have JUDGED myself consistently over and over and as I judge myself I only make myself angry at myself within the belief that is justifies why I judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that aggression within me and within my behavior is a manifestation of feeling powerless to change – not seeing and realizing that every time I judge myself I tell myself I can’t change and thus the judgment is the point that creates the illusion that I am powerless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself – not seeing and realizing that self judgment is always brainwashing self and only limiting self to self’s own judgment as if the judgments in my mind about myself is valid and real and must be true lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that all and any self judgment is only the mind limiting the physical from moving and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that aggression/anger towards myself or others is always about myself as it is a experience within me that I created through placing and validating judgments from and as the mind as who I am, when it in fact isn’t who I am as the physical breathing here stable.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself being angry or within an aggressive mood to stop within the realization that somewhere I judged myself that it has come to a point of accumulating on a physical level where I feel powerless to change as I have confirmed within my own self judgment that I can’t change LOL. See and realizing the stupidity of this.

I commit myself to when and as I Judge myself for anything or anyone to stop and realize that I m placing limitation onto myself as knowledge and information that will make me feel like I am un able to change and thus turn into aggression. Seeing and realizing that the key to change is to investigate the judgment and to stop it.

Day 185 – Spiritualism and Me Part 3.

Day 182 - The Day I said Fuck Spiritualism 
Day 183 - Spiritualism and Me Part 1
Day 184 - Spiritualism and Me Part 2 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HIDE behind the light so that all I see is light and do not have to look at what is HERE as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLIND myself with the light concept within spiritualism where the light is the positive and the good, only seeing the light as positive and good I am abdicating my actual responsibility to be able to respond to what is here on EARTH as the physical in my physical application to fix/correct what is here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see what is going on in the world and that it is ABUSE of LIFE and to within this Fear what is Here and instead of correcting and fixing what is here give into the fear and Hide in the light so that I do not have to see anymore, not realizing that if I have to ever stop looking into the bright light that blinds my sight that the consequences will only have worsen and that it will be inevitable for me to face these consequences, thus I see and realize I must stop participating in spiritualism as me Hiding from the truth here as the physical and Start immediately on fixing/correcting what is here and take full self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that The only motivation for participating in spiritualism as the love and light concepts is from FEAR, because I see and realize within my self- honesty that only because FEAR exists can love and light exist as there would not have been any other purpose for love and light but to Hide from fear as the opposite of fear which is LOVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Hide in fear of what is Here as Life on EARTH as we have and are creating is as within participating in the one and only thing that can be used successfully to deceive self to belief that everything will be okay and that is Spiritualism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I participate within spiritualism as Love and LIGHT and positivity that I have already within such a decision decided that FEAR wins and therefore love and light is required.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to stop participating within spiritualism as the fear of Losing LOVE and having to actually face what I have created on earth as a co-creator of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as something such as spiritualism is required to solve problems that the problem has already WON and that those who participate within spiritualism is only confirming the problem to be too big to fix as the alternative solution as Love and Light as spiritualism is of a alternate reality that isn’t real which indicates running away and Hiding, seeing and realizing that it is within such actions that the problem only escalates and become bigger as consequences as all will instead go for the easy way as spiritualism and thus no one is actually in fact solving the problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that IF People and myself INSTEAD solve problems on earth and fix what we have accepted and allowed to exist and create that a thing such as spiritualism would have no purpose or value or meaning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I use /spend my money and time on fixing and correcting our Planet and creating a world that is BEST for all LIFE instead of using it on crap such as spiritualism where you invest in something that is Utterly insane and none existent that a real change WILL happen that is true transcendence and a new world that is best for all such as the Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that spiritualism is ONLY existent within the mind and that it cannot exist without the physical body and thus it is more than enough evidence that all can confirm equally within applying basic math of 1+1=2 as the physical that it is not Real and only made belief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as long as I fear negativity as the opposite of positivity as Love and Light that I will never be able to in FACT change a single things in this reality, as I see and realize that Negativity is where one must go to see the problem first and then to solve it to that which is best for all life and not as a positive good thing as that would only require the negative again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLIND myself of the Obvious FACT that to participate within Positivity as love and light I must support all that is evil and negative for me to be able to be positive otherwise I will not know what positive is, and thus I see and realize I must stop this abuse of the polarity game and stand as that which is best for all life which is a physical equation and not based on a feeling or emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to participate within Positivity as love and light as spiritualism that I want the negative to be more negative and worse as this is a great opportunity for me to be even more fucking special and make money out of spiritualism, because as the world gets more shit and fucked up more and more people will seek positivity and thus I can make money from being positive as I will sell it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not seeing and realize that Spiritualism is a buy product of greed as capitalism, because if spiritualism was the Real answer in fact within the context of how it is presented as being able to help people with thoughts and sending out light and positivity then no products would have ever have had to be made and the world should have been heaven one earth, yet it isn’t, it is in reverse and spiritualism is only a thing that some can afford with money to buy the products as it is simply a SCAM that all who wants to do good but do not have an alternative will fall for.

To be continued.

Day 184 – Spiritualism and Me Part 2

Continuation of: 

Day 182 – The Day I said F*** Spiritualism.

Day 183 – Spiritualism and Me Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within spiritualism because I saw that it serves self interest and is easy, not seeing and realizing that as spiritualism promotes self interest to the ultimate degree - that is Greed and the very thing that is the cause of almost all suffering on earth, and through me participating within spiritualism as love and light and believing in a spiritual realm and others things that distract me and all those I poison with spiritualism from the physical reality and to do something real to change the world to a place that is best for all life that I am the cause of the world spiraling to its destruction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Go for spiritualism because I saw it was easy and that no real change was required in fact, but only me having to built more characters that can pretend to be something else and be special and feel good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Hide the fact that I knew when I participated in spiritualism that it wasn’t working and wasn’t real because I had to always pretend and act and make it all up, yet I would promote it as truth and real for others just so that i can give the impression it is working for me and thus it must mean I am special and seeking that within others and for them to recognize it as I lie to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Lie to other beings about spiritualism and all that it includes as LOA and the white light and Reiki and Crustal healing and astral traveling and spiritual communication and that I was able to do some of those things just be feel special and to within that built a Lie of myself in others eyes that I fear breaking through telling them the truth as it will reveal the true me as a Liar and a deceptive cunt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Play with other human beings and their lives through Lying to them about my spiritual experiences and making them feel like they are missing out and that there is something more to life that they are missing and thus they are not as good as me as I have had these experiences first hand yet knowing it is a full on LIE in their faces just to get a kick out of to feel good about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enforce all myself judgments and insecurities and fears of myself through participating in something that promotes the opposite as a solution, not seeing and realizing that the more I participated within the opposite side as spiritualism as happiness and feeling good and being enlightened that I was in the polarity side in secret in my mind only enforcing the negative as the positive requires the negative to exist and so only make myself feel more insecure, more fearful and more depressed as I felt more and more like this I had to make myself belief that I was getting happier and happier and achieving more and more spiritual things to suppress the secret inner world of myself, never solving anything but only enforcing ignorance and bliss while the world shows the true nature of what I was enforcing as everything getting worse and worse and more suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that spiritualism is a solution when and as I can see with the physical evidence that is here for all to see equally and confirm that in the thousands of years that spiritualism has had its chance to change the world to a place that is best for all life – that life on earth has only gotten way worse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that spiritualism is a product that is sold to people so that money can be made, since it promotes happiness and bliss that which everyone wants in life it is like a fly trap and very easy to get trapped with as it only requires gullible people to make it work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if spiritualism was real then no one had to teach me about it, and that if spiritualism was real then I would have known about if from birth as a part of who I am, yet spiritualism is something that has to be taught and practiced for decades with no results as it requires people to constantly be in the mind keeping it alive never in fact becoming a living state as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I was born that all that was/is here is the physical and no one had to teach me about it or show it to me or give me teachings from ancient times so that I could understand it, as I am the physical in fact and can be confirmed by all equally and myself, and thus as this is proof that what is here is being ignored and neglected through giving value and attention to something irrational in the minds of people in search for more just so that people do not have to face what is actually required to change this world to a place that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all the time I spend in my mind in attempting and trying to make spiritualism real – I could have made a real impact in that same time on what IS HERE and is REAL s the physical and create a better world for all.
To be continued.

Day 183 – Spiritualism and Me Part 1

Day 182 – The Day I said F*** Spiritualism

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deceived by the love and light movement as a solution to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is possible to change the world and end all the suffering that is only osculating in the world through love and light.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself to belief that if I am positive and it I am only sending love out to the world that it will change the world, not seeing the obvious that it is only to make me feel better about myself that I am not in fact changing the world and doing something and that my actions can be justified in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I send out everyday a bit of love and light into the world that my daily work for changing the world is done and I can now only feel good, realizing that I only did that from the starting point of feeling good and not in fact to help anyone or anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within making myself belief that if I change nothing of myself as Who I am and how I live as what I do but only send out love and light with my mind into projection in my mind that it will change the world, not seeing how reality in fact functions as me having to actually physically change and move myself to bring change for the rest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through participating in love and light KILL and murder all common sense within me through giving love and light more value and weight than the actuality of how the physical work and functions and what is needed to be done to get things changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself and to admit to myself that the first time I started participating within love and light I was excited and wanted to change the world but after a while I saw it did not work and I was disappointed but instead of standing up and saying Love and light is bullshit I continued in the fear of what others will say about me when I suddenly quite and say the opposite of what I imposed of myself to be in their eyes as love and light.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear admitting that Love and Light does not work and that I found this out for myself when and as I practiced love and light after a while and Nothing changed, the only thing tat did change was I was now more able/capable of deceiving myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue pretending that love and light does work after I found out for myself it is bullshit and does not work in the fear of what others will think of me and what will happen to my reputation I built as a love and light worker.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping to pretend that love and light works even as the world clearly shows everything is only getting worse, as I fear that when I admit I was wrong that I will be held accountable for only being part of the problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within spiritualism as love and light in the attempt to be special and unique, because I know and realized that love and light can be bent to any persons onw self interest as it isn’t real and thus I knew I could use love and light to justify everything about myself and make it all seem as if it is something special and thus not having to change it or myself as I could simply use love and light to justify everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use spiritualism as a weapon and tool to only serve my own happiness where I could always win in why my happiness is more important then others as I could simply say things like “if I am happy and positive I will effect the universe and so everyone will become happy and the world would change” knowing that because it sounds so fucking nice and easy anyone will simply agree with me and I win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use spiritualism as a weapon to always win where I can keep my lifestyle and do not have to change anything while I promote it as a solution, knowing that it is only a solution to my life as it makes everyone around me accept and allow my life style of bliss and happiness as I know it isn’t real and can simply be bent and molded to make everyone I tell about my justifications and reasons for being happy and blissfully to somehow be the best for all as it obviously isn’t.

Day 165 – Justifying is Fighting for Limitation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am confronted by someone where my actions/words are questioned and points pointed out to Instead of Breathing and Correcting myself “feel” that I have to explain my actions/words in the fear that if I do not explain myself that I will be seen as less than the person confronting my words/actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as a Person points out something I have done or am doing in the moment to react and Try and explain myself To justify why I did not see/do the obvious thing – seeing and realizing that as soon as I want to justify myself that I am in fact dishonest because to attempt to justify implies that I knew what I was doing and what I was not doing Instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Justification is a deliberate act as to why I did not correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Justification is only MIND as I try and attempt to explain my back chat and thoughts and thinking processes – and that justification is a outflow of feeling guilty as I know that I could have instead of having backchat or thoughts have Changed and corrected myself Physically i the moment and thus I know I did not do this and thus the Justification process starts of fighting for my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Justifying myself is only me Fighting for my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify my actions/words when someone points them out to me in the attempt to spite the other person just so that They may not win in showing me how it is possible for me to self perfecting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I justify my actions and words is when I still believe that the mind has power of me as the knowledge and information I hold as all the excuses and reasons that the mind made up for why I did not change/correct myself in and as Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone else is showing me a Better way of doing something to Justify why I did not do it as such to sound smart and clever and that I was considering it BUT instead took it the other way just to not having to listen and learn and grow from the other person and to instead fight for my limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Justification is always justification and isnt a reason in fact. A real reason for why I did not correct myself in breathe in the moment would be when for instance a meteor falls out of the sky and kill me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify my own justifications as being special and full of reason and common sense, not seeing that it is me fighting for my own fears/limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Justification is but a fiction of my imagination and not reality in fact but a compilation of self made up ideas/belief/perspectives limited to my own knowledge and information that is rooted in fear and thus can never be trusted.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself wanting to justify to Stop the words that want to fall onto my tongue and to take the Air of Life into my lungs and Bring myself here and to Correct myself as the flesh and bones that I am as Life.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I want to defend my limitations/fears (EGO) through the reasons/excuses to stop and take a breathe and to instead correct myself and to realize that when someone is helping me and it makes sense within and as the physical that is here that it does not mean I have to speak, it means I can correct and breathe.

I commit myself to when and as I Feel the storms of fears arise within me of when someone else shows me what I have already known but did not act/correct, and the urges and temptations of my fears come to defend them, to stop and breath and to realize I am not the inner red flames of fear and to take a deep breathe to cool the flames and to realize myself here as the breath and to correct myself - instead of fighting a battle that is always only against myself where I defend my own limitations only and to learn from another in humbleness.

Day 164 – Let me Explain as Justifying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I want to explain myself to attempt to manipulate myself and what I see I have to explain as a way of justifying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am faced with having to explain myself in situations of confrontation to instead of Breathing and correcting myself to instead try and explain myself as a way to Justify myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use circumstances as a reason to justify my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Blame as a way to reason and Justification.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always Look at everything outside of myself as reasons and ways to justify my decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am looking at everything out there for the cause/reason for my actions that I am not self honest and not looking at me as the one making the decisions in fact in the end always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I use and look at everything out there as reasons/excuses to Justify my actions that I am only justifying instead of correcting myself and perfecting myself as Life as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Through justifying my decisions/actions teach myself that it is impossible to correct myself instantly as Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Justifications as reasons and excuses to not correct myself instantly in breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify my actions/decision as a way to not face Instant correction/change as breathe as a way to hold onto that which I know and feel save with, not seeing and realizing that I am in fact holding onto my own limitations and enslaving myself to the mind with all the reasoning and justifying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entangle myself in and as the mind through reason/excuses and justifying my actions and creating layers of knowledge and information within and as myself as I have to hold onto the justification to always be able to tell the same Lie?justification to anyone who asks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear instant correction in and as breathe as LIFE as that which is best for all life in the fear of losing my limitations I have known for years and have become a slave to, seeing and realizing that it is not best for all and not myself as I am part of ALL, and thus it is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be used to justifying myself in explaining myself that I never considered correcting myself instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as and when I use reason and excuses to justify my actions/decisions hat I will always only live a life where I am in the boundaries of those reasons/excuses and thus will never be able to see what is here in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I justify my actions/decisions that I have in that moment of justifying created a Bubble that consist of all the reasons/excuses as the justifications and that I am now Bound to this bubble and having to live in this bubble and keeping it alive, because I know that when the bubble pops I will be revealed as one big LIE and so within this I will always do things and make decisions that Limit me from my Past decisions to sustain the bubble, even though I know I can change my decisions and actions I make but then that will show everyone that I was LYING to them within my reasoning and all the excuses I made out to be so REAL.

To be Continued