Day 527 - Living inside of oneself

 

 Living inside of oneself all the time, holding the past against self in the hope/fear that by not letting go of the past the future might look different, only to have the past with you in each moment to create the past over and over. To keep assessing and to keep fearing the past only creates a resentful mind and thus a angry way of living. This anger does not show as we expect. It rather turns into other expressions such as not caring, depression, spite, nastiness, name it. As anger is a creation of feeling powerless. In this instance keeping the past as your thoughts/feeling/emotions with you everyday only creating the past again everyday. We do become first powerless than angry and then we either change or we submit to our own creation of self defeat

Day 376 – Power Games Part 2

Day 375 - Power Games Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having power over everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire having power over everyone because then I believe I have the right to be secure with myself and thus have confidence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be secure with myself within myself as who i am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be confident within myself within who I am and thus seeking it through alternative ways such as seeing power over others to control them and to have control and to only then feel secure and then only be confident.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that seeking power over others is a clear indication that I am feeling powerless somewhere within my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the actions of myself within seeking power over others.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate my past to see where this game originated from and why/how.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek power over others because of past experiences/memories where others have played power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define what power is through past experiences where I felt powerless, and to within this give the definition of power what I have experienced from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that, in past events where I was over powered by others either through mental points such as knowledge and information or physically such in sports or in fight/bullying to have through those events create fears/insecurities that now led up to me seeking power over others in the event of not having to experience those past experiences again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people having power over me due to their status in society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people over powering me simply because of their Ego resonance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission within myself for others to overpower me within almost anything simply because I have secret thoughts/back-chat within me about myself all the time, that is dis-empowering towards myself giving anyone the upper hand over me at any time. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that being over powered by others starts first within myself, with my relationship that I have towards myself, within how much self-respect and honor I have, and when and as I am participating within back chat and secret thoughts, I am giving away my self-respect and my honor as I am living in deceit and thus dis honor and dis-respect, and through this behavior I am creating myself as less then within my mind only, and so I actually live as if I am less than others, and through this I am giving others permission to want to overpower me.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am attempting to play the game of power, to stop and to breathe and to not participate, within the realization that there is no power game unless I participate within such a game, as it takes two to make a game a game and to have meaning and value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the starting point of not wanting to play in the power game to have power, seeing and realizing that this wanting of power isn’t over others, but instead self-empowerment, where I stand stable as my breathing and not within fear as the back chat and secret mind.

I commit myself to clear my starting point of any secret mind starting point that is within self-interest and self-gain, and to change my starting point to that of common sense and self-honesty to what is best for all life. Seeing and realizing that a self-empowered person that has self-respect and honor is a person that is stable and that is best for all life. 

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am in fear of others over powering me, to stop and to breathe and to look at what is it within that moment within me within my secret mind and back chat that is going on that is triggering this fear, and to clear myself through exposing myself to myself and to be self-honest within myself and to then take a deep breath and stop, to then focus on breathing and building my self-discipline as breathe. 

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am seeking confidence or security through dis-empowering someone else only to empower myself, to stop and to realize that this is not what power is as it required abuse and ego, as both or those are indications of actual weakness, and that self-empowerment is to breathe and to NOT have any secret thoughts or back chat but to stick to the physical and what is real, to prevent nay abuse, as that is real power, to not go there where abuse exist, but to stand by oneself as breath as the physical and to trust self, to honor self and respect self.

Day 375 - Power Games Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life a game of power, to see who's got the most power and who is the weakest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as weak, or the weakest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others having power over me and that I have lost the game, and thus as I am a loser I must obey or submit to the winner, or become their friend and be in their good books, in order to make up for the loss. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about gaining power over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not have power over others that I am weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure and less than others if I do not have some form of power over them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not have power over others that they have power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if someone has power over me, that I must fear them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the idea of someone having power over me and that they can somehow mind control me or make me feel bad about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the idea that someone has power over me from having certain abilities that I don’t and that they can use it against me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with everyone in my world to see who’s got power over who, and within this establish a self-definition of myself, that is either of superiority or inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how I am creating all my fear within my world through competing with everyone to see who’s got power over who, as I see and realize that when and as I do this, that I am creating points of fear that isn’t really there, and can only exist because I am playing this game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek power over others to feel secure, seeing and realizing that I only do this because I feel insecure about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I seek power over others, in any form that I can find power within, if it is physical or mental or metaphysical, I am creating points of fear within myself and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I play the game of seeking power over others, that I will find people that I can over power and that this will create a point of submission within me and my world and thus give complete fear/power towards the other persona and thus imprison myself within what this other person thinks about me or see in me or have towards me as I will become self-conscious within this persons presence because I believe now that this person really has power over me simply because my game did not work out, which is all bullshit and only mental delusion.

Day 204 – Self judgment and Aggression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is necessary for me to judge myself as a way of punishing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self judgment as a way of making myself feel bad about myself so that I can feel good about myself again later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize than when and as I judge myself for everything I do that I will get frustrated at myself and never change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge myself that I am actually ANGRY at myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within judging myself only create anger within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that judging myself does NOT help anything or anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge myself ro anything happening within my world or within me that I am only motivating anger and thus aggression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I judge myself within doing something or learning something new that when I try it again I will try and do everything I can to avoid the self judgment, and when and as I point does not work out I judge myself again and thus built up anger towards myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that aggression is a byproduct of when I have judged myself within something over a long period of time and the judgment only kept coming and never saw any change – not seeing and realizing that judging myself in the first place is what isn’t allowing any change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that aggression/anger is always towards self and that when and as I want to take the aggression out on someone else that I am blaming them for ME not changing or judging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that aggression is when I have JUDGED myself consistently over and over and as I judge myself I only make myself angry at myself within the belief that is justifies why I judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that aggression within me and within my behavior is a manifestation of feeling powerless to change – not seeing and realizing that every time I judge myself I tell myself I can’t change and thus the judgment is the point that creates the illusion that I am powerless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself – not seeing and realizing that self judgment is always brainwashing self and only limiting self to self’s own judgment as if the judgments in my mind about myself is valid and real and must be true lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that all and any self judgment is only the mind limiting the physical from moving and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that aggression/anger towards myself or others is always about myself as it is a experience within me that I created through placing and validating judgments from and as the mind as who I am, when it in fact isn’t who I am as the physical breathing here stable.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself being angry or within an aggressive mood to stop within the realization that somewhere I judged myself that it has come to a point of accumulating on a physical level where I feel powerless to change as I have confirmed within my own self judgment that I can’t change LOL. See and realizing the stupidity of this.

I commit myself to when and as I Judge myself for anything or anyone to stop and realize that I m placing limitation onto myself as knowledge and information that will make me feel like I am un able to change and thus turn into aggression. Seeing and realizing that the key to change is to investigate the judgment and to stop it.