Day 4 - Self -judgements and consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of how truly fucked we are as a specie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of the fact that unless each and every human beings understands the mind and how it functions in detail and how the human is a personality as the ego designed to be organic robots/slaves, will we not be able to change ourselves first and foremost and thus not this world, and thus through losing sight I let loose a little bit and eventually take it way too easy with pushing and thus fall into hope.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of the extent of the problem that is here, and more so to lose sight of the educational process that is required to actually have a revolution to real evolution as the human species and thus to have a global change as the human changes,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back MY process and sharing my process continuously OPENLY as part of the educational process that is here through blogs, vlogs and general sharing, as I JUDGE my own process as not good enough, as not relevant, as not having any effect, yet within that I am in fact living those judgements and thus making believes real and so cripple my own self change and everyone else in this wold that could have benefited but now aren't due to me not sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead share BULLSHIT of other people sharing apparent relevant shit yet does not even touch the point of self-honesty of even a glimpse of what the mind truly is, and so withhold myself and my own process that actually covers all the dimensions that is required within the education revolution that is required for a truly evolved human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that laziness as NOT feeling like doing something, such as writing, sharing and actually caring is a mind consciousness system design that has POWER over me as energy of the mind generated through constant thoughts that I have of myself judging myself negatively to such an extent that this energy forms layers within me undirected, not forgiven and thus it starts flooding the PHYSICAL as the flesh and stores itself within the body, and so the body starts experiencing itself as heavy and thus lazy, and so over time I am not to be found anywhere and can barely find the will power within me to even move myself as the energy as the mind consciousness system has not completely vegetated me as the body to have the body ONLY for itself to entertain itself and to keep generating energy and feed of the physical/flesh till death.

I commit myself to when and as I FEEL lazy, to REMEMBER that it isn't whatever excuse I am making up in my mind, as that is the minds defence mechanism to control ME as self-movement and to free myself, and thus I can take full self-responsibility within understanding that I created the laziness through accepting and allowing the mind games/energies as the thoughts I participated within over and over to take hold of me as the body/physical and to place me in a prison of consequence that I must then physically MOVE myself and to actually physically correct myself no matter how lazy I feel or what the thoughts are of why I should not, as this is self-movement and me taking a Stand and saying no more, and to write, share and actually change.

Day 469 – Part 3 What have I been doing, Instead of living my true potential?

From my previous Blog - Day 467 – What have I been doing, while trying to reach my true potential?

“Every day when I wake up I have this small reaction, it is sitting in my solar plexus, it is undefined. I just excuse it and ignore it, hoping that later in the day I will not have this small reaction within me, hoping that there will be a good experience soon that will change this reaction and make it a different kind of a reaction, a more positive one. So I wake up and I get ready for the day, I immediately go out and I have some coffee and get to my work station.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I wake up and have this small reaction within me to consider it as okay and nothing to focus on for now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to brush off the small reaction I have within me every morning that I wake up and to justify it as normal through accepting and allowing it and to walk my day in the anticipation for it to go away by itself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t given myself the ten minutes or so in the morning to actually breathe and to release the energy through real time self-forgiveness and livening it to take self-responsibility for the energy and to accept that I am experiencing it and that I have to deal with it and to see what it is that the energy is revealing about myself and my own creation within me and thus without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear naming the energy, calling the energy out and the game that is being played and to within this play the game of ignorance and bliss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot call out the energy and define it and to deal with it accordingly, and to instead keep it within me for some other time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that through not naming the energy and defining it I am deliberately leaving myself in an unpredicted state within direction, as I will keep falling back to the energy lurking within me, the reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of dealing with the negative (defined) energy within me to instead go out seeking for the positive/opposite energy within my day, seeing and realizing that within this I am literally directing my entire day to seek out a positive energy in everything I do, and thus also limiting what I do in fear of not getting the positive energy that I am seeking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I do not take self-responsibility for this negative experience within me, this reaction that the consequences will be that my entire dya will now be focused on feeling better as an energetic experience and thus not on what I must do as in what is practical and best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set the sequence for my day as that of being negative within accepting and allowing myself to ignore and brush off the reaction experience that I have within me after waking up, as the day will now be about me only doing things where I believe I will get a positive reaction from to make me feel positive, and thus also ignoring and brushing off all the other points that requires to be done within the day that I then FEAR will be a negative experience and thus postpone and compromise/sabotage myself and everyone that is linked to me, which in the long run is the entire universe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see it as possible to have a different morning without the reaction within me that I have had with me for the longest time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the morning that there will be no reaction within me when I wake, as the fear is that of what will direct me, give me a purpose of what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the direction and the authority for my day and who I am in the morning as myself to walk as my day in the belief that I need energy to direct me.

I see and realize that I do not need energy to divert me or to determine what I can or cannot do, or should and should not do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear real freedom, freedom from any reactions or emotions/feelings/thoughts directing me, as I can see that this freedom comes with self-responsibility and self-honesty.

THUS I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to divert myself from self-responsibility and self-honesty within the free will that I have to choose as choice and to choose, make a choice where I gamble instead of direct.

To be continued.

Day 468 – Part 2 What have I been doing, while trying to reach my true potential?

Continuing from previous Blog - Day 467 - What have I been doing, while trying to reach my true potential?

"From previous Blog: Yet with every breathe I take there is a reaction, the reaction sets off motion’s within me, these motions become emotions, motions of energy, the moment of content is lost and the breathing is shallow and has no flow. The essence of the present as self as the here is now everywhere undirected, following an irrational influence of some energy brought up by a single thought, a single memory bred from the past and brought into the present only to contaminate the moment, the simplicity of living has now been made complicated."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the slightest reaction/s within me as normal and that I just have to live with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight the reaction/s that come up within me and to within this fighting have an outcome of win or lose, where I end up losing as the fighting only creates more energy and thus more reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see any reaction that comes up within me as separate from me, and thus give away my authority to direct and to within this accept and allow the reaction within me to contaminate my direction.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be at peace with the reaction and to within this work with the reaction as myself to deal with the reaction when the reaction is here/presented in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the reaction that is within me, and to within this have a reaction upon a reaction that simply does not stop.

I forgive myself for that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have been approaching facing my reaction from the starting point of trying, seeing and realizing that trying is a construct of “I don’t really want to” – and thus within this not actually doing anything but just pretending to look like I am doing something.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide my self-honesty from myself and to within this react towards everything I have to do and face in reality, even though the reaction isn’t visible it is slight, like a candle burning in the far distance, as the reaction is showing my self-dishonesty – where I am hiding what I know about myself and to live the opposite of the self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live my self-honesty in each and every moment, and to fear my self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my self-honesty and to question my self-honesty from the starting point of morality and to within this walk honesty instead within morality and to within this create friction within myself and my reality and thus a consistent reaction within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live anything less than my self- honesty in each and every moment, and to within this accepting and allowing the lesser me of my true potential to move and direct my reality and to within this know I am living in self-dishonesty and so create a consistent reaction within me of what I am doing or not doing and what I am supposed to do or not do and yet not trusting my self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust my self-honesty and to live my self-honesty and to apply myself within self-honesty as I know I should yet I do the morality magic trick in the believe that it is the right way of deceiving others through morality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself, to fear who I know I can be in my full/true potential and to hold back because of the morality that I have within me and through what I am judging reality and living within this reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within believing that morality exist and for me to follow morality within this world through living honestly in others eyes is but me deceiving myself, never being self-honest with myself and what is here and to instead attempt/TRY to find a way around reality through making all my actions that of trying instead of doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone living my full and utmost potential in every breath within self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can do without self-honesty and to hide my self-honesty and to not work with my self-honesty and to instead take the path of trying/attempting to live within the limitations of my own mind set out by my own morality within my own mind. Instead of sticking to reality and what is here taking all into consideration and not just myself.

To be really honest with myself, I can see that when I am honest with myself in each moment that I have a reaction or where I am facing a fear or where I am anxious or where I am finding a limitation within myself or reality, that the real truth that I am hiding from myself through the TRYING character is that in reality I personally do not have a fear or anxiety or stress or a limitation for what is ahead of me, it is what OTHERS will perceive of me that I believe will care so I MAKE myself have this anxiety/reaction/stress within me through the trying character – because if you look at it, the trying character is designed to create energy/friction and thus to have emotional problems, where the doing living being has none of that, and that is the self-honest being, the being that is here – and that is what I self honestly will do/see in those moments – DOING it, breathing and directing reality.

So now I must come back to reality, I have now in self-dishonesty created this character of trying and I have designed many systems around it and I have lived this trying character into all my behaviors and patterns for the sake of others seeing me living, which ends up back to self with the point of self-interest, it is self-interest that cares what others think about self, for the sake of self-survival and comforts and not having to face reality, the reality of things, not the opposite, just reality.

So the trying character is a character whose role is that of self-enslavement,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in such a way in self-interest that I am attempting to serve all other humans interest of what I believe is expected from me to be a good and obedient citizen that remains enslaved and controlled by the mind just like everyone else, and to within this never step out of character, and just like placing a shock collar around a dogs neck for whenever the dog is DOING something he isn’t supposed to do according to the moralities/believes that humans has placed – I have placed a trying character within me to create a consistent reaction within me to SHOCK me whenever I am DOING something that according to MY own morality/beliefs from society is seen as not right to stop me from DOING and to scare me back into just trying and attempting – terrorizing myself with my own mind to stay in my place.
Starting specifics.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that someone with a lot of confidence is seen as arrogant and having a big ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see people with a lot of confidence as being arrogant and having a big ego, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people with high confidence as being arrogant and having a big ego and to within this create a point of morality within me of what is accepted and allowed from me within society placed by my own judgment.

To be continued.

Day 467 – What have I been doing, while trying to reach my true potential?

I realized more self investigation is required, more self honesty within this point of doing and stop trying, this is my self honest self investigation.

Take note – this blog is written out as a point of exposing the mind, the thinking and the thoughts/back-chat, it is not written with corrections yet, so the information within here is revealing the deception and the self-interest of the mind and exposing the games that is played and how it’s played. The corrections will come in the self-forgiveness to come on each point mentioned in this blog after paragraph two.

Being okay with myself, here breathing the air around me, taking it into my lungs and to then release the air. It is so simple, it is a few actions in the physical that I require to do in awareness in the present in the here. To then move myself from the HERE as breathe while directing myself within my reality one step at a time. It is so simple, the essence of these few actions are that of content.

Yet with every breathe I take there is a reaction, the reaction sets off motion’s within me, these motions become emotions, motions of energy, the moment of content is lost and the breathing is shallow and has no flow. The essence of the present as self as the here is now everywhere undirected, following an irrational influence of some energy brought up by a single thought, a single memory bred from the past and brought into the present only to contaminate the moment, the simplicity of living has now been made complicated.

Every day when I wake up I have this small reaction, it is sitting in my solar plexus, it is undefined. I just excuse it and ignore it, hoping that later in the day I will not have this small reaction within me, hoping that there will be a good experience soon that will change this reaction and make it a different kind of a reaction, a more positive one. So I wake up and I get ready for the day, I immediately go out and I have some coffee and get to my work station.

I ignore the fact of eating because I am within this reaction, this negative reaction, so my body and mind is completely focused on this small reaction that is undefined within me, and I ignore the physical and what is required for my body to function properly and to be taken care of, so I first attempt to do all the right thing according to my mind as soon as possible in the morning, the right thing is to NOT think about myself, but to care only what others think about me, so I must be at work right on time, I must be seen working and I must seem busy with work, and not with personal things like eating and doing stretches and showering, all those things I can do later after I have set my position in the good light with all the people around me.

Yet even when I do this the reaction is still here within me, it is ready to just become something bigger, so all my attempts in the morning to be the GOOD person and do the right things was for naught, but at least I now know that the bad feeling I had hasn’t become worse, so I must have prevented something, so I must keep doing it this way. Now what can the next few thing be that I must do to prevent this bad feeling from possibly becoming something worse – in terms of how I experience myself because that will determine what I think about myself, and what I think about myself will determine what I can do, and will be willing to do.

So now it has been a couple of hours’ later already, I still haven’t eaten and I have had at least five cups of coffee already, and I have been doing all my work, I have checked my emails, I have checked my schedules and I have started calling people and setting up more work for myself, so now that I have done all that, I know I am in the good light and I have done everything I can to not get reactions from anyone else, which can make the bad feeling already within me even worse and make me feel bad and make me feel like shit and that will effect what I think about myself and thus what I do and how I move myself.

So now that it is almost afternoon I can eat something, maybe a small bowl of cereal, but I don’t really feel hungry because this bad feeling is still on my stomach, but I do need to eat as my body is starving, but I don’t feel like eating as my stomach is still full of emotion/reaction.

I eventually eat and move on, but now I feel like there is something I should be doing more – this bad feeling in my stomach is still here, this bad feeling feels like it is warning me the whole day for something very bad that might happen as if today might be the day I face the truth about myself, as if there is something that I do not know about myself and that if I make someone else react towards me or voice themselves towards me that they might just see something about me, or I might just reveal something about myself that I have never known about, so I better do everything possible to prevent others from going there with me, which works against me because this isn’t me doing everything possible to actually live my day to the fullest to reach my true potential and to live each day as if it’s my last, but only to live each day to the fullest to prevent some mysterious fear come to live, so all my actions isn’t to actually accomplish anything but only to prevent ME from feeling bad/worse about myself.

Day 466 - DO IT, trying sounds like lying.

Continuing from - I am trying so hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist just doing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy about doing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself incapable of just doing it, to get up and to do it full hardheartedly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being capable of just doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the judgment of myself as not being capable of doing it within me as real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the judgment of myself not being capable of doing it as I am comfortable within not doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be comfortable with myself not doing anything as I have this believe that if I do not do anything then I simply do not have to face myself, not seeing and realizing that the judgment I create/have of myself is me beating myself down anyway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to be comfortable with myself not doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an already awaiting expectation of myself and the physical for what is to come for me if I do do it, and to within this fear who I will be within that new reality, and only seeing the negative always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I start doing all the things that I know I must do in every single moment and to never stop but to just move within breathe and to not be determined my energy as the moods and thoughts that I will never sit still and live my life and always just be busy with all the thing that NEEDS to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me DOING what needs to be done in each and every moment and to not postpone as me not living, not seeing and realizing that it is actually the opposite and that if I do everything that is HERE in the moment that needs to be done that I am actually then in fact living, directing reality and creating, instead of waiting and being lazy and wasting time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do it, just because I have an idea in my head that if I do that then I will not be able to do other things, not even knowing what the other things are, yet just making it up in my head as a mysterious reason for not doing this or that, yet seeing that I do this for this image in my head of seeing myself just doing nothing and just living in self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live every day for the achievement of having to do nothing. And thus doing as little as possible just to have that time to do nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my live to be a big nothing through working hard every day with the intention in mind soul and resonance of in the end of the day to do nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to work hard and to do all the effort I can do with the actions of wanting to do nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself and my limits everyday within the intention of having to do nothing in the end of the day, basically to become zombie.

I forgive myself for that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize this point of desiring to do nothing existing within me at all times and to within this making work and any action I have to do tiring and heavy, and thus no matter how hard I work or push myself everyday ends up with a collapse of doing nothing and being tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live with intent, seeing and realizing that intent does not mean shit if the actions isn’t aligned, and also seeing and realizing I cannot rely on intent as it changes all the time, and thus I must rely on my breathing and DO it in the moment and not to postpone for one second, working with what is here and not with what is within me as that is limited and deceptive and cannot be trusted at all.

Day 97 – Moving myself moving the world. Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see I have to “stand UP and Move myself’ to go into the though of “seeing myself doing it later anyway” and so have the back chat of – ‘ I can sit a bit longer, I will get to it later anyways” – “ there is still a lot of time for me to move myself I may sit a little bit more” and to then go into the energetic experience of feeling relaxed and content with myself when in fact it is me justifying laziness and the judgment of me having to move myself, thus I see and realize that as I participate within the thought of when I Know/realize I have to start moving myself that I am compromising me as who I am as the living expression of life as doing what is best for all life in all ways and to then once I have given the thoughts/back-chat permission to define who I am and what I do to trap myself in the energetic experience I deceived myself with as being okay – and to then later on run out of time and not having enough time to do all the things/responsibilities I have to do, and so go into more thoughts and back catch to justify it as being okay and that tomorrow is another day – not seeing and realizing that if/when I do not move myself when I know I have to and leave things to compound and get more for the next day I will literally trap myself within the overwhelming of things to do that I deliberately created myself, as I realize within the common sense that if I do not what needs to be done today that it will not remain the same amount of stuff to do the next day, it will be today's stuff and tomorrows stuff all together.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I create and manifest my own consequences though participating in just ONE thought that leads to many outflows that I accept and allow deliberate, realizing that nothing happens by coincidence or by being someone else fault. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the character of me not moving myself as a reason/justification of I deserve to rest, this is my treat, I will treat myself to rest just a bit more and then my treat for tomorrow will be to suffer and give up more and to have to much shit to do, lol realizing that my treat in fact will be to do everything in the time given to me till it is done and to then, the time that is left to use it to rest or watch a movie, and this way to practically distribute my time with no thoughts/back-chat involved, only the consideration of the physical reality that is best for all life and where no thoughts is thus needed as it is a physical decision mathematically calculated as 1+1=2.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see/realize that I must get up within myself and move myself” to distract myself with other things around me such as quickly getting something to drink while I am not thirsty but only for the idea and to then tell myself I will just finish this cup and then go do what needs to be done, not realizing that I do not know what will happen or how things will change from this moment till the next, and thus quickly drinking something just for the sake of giving myself more time within a “reason” to not do anything yet that I will within accepting and allowing such pattern to play out and where I have given the character within the pattern permission to play its role of “avoiding what needs to be done as much as possible” that more things will suddenly pop up so inconveniently that I need to do, such as taking a pee and then to get something to chew on and then to just quickly get some fresh air outside and then just to quickly check what is on TV and  before I know, time has gone by and I never got to  what needs to be done, leaving me with regret and feeling as if I now have to rush and get things done, while I had all the time in the world but before instead chose to use it on doing nothing relevant – seeing and realizing that Who I am has not been a self commitment to myself as life as doing what is best for all life but instead still based on the mind as energy movement within and as how I feel/think, realizing that this is limiting me and enslaving me to the patterns and characters that I have created instead of setting myself free to be able to freely chose to do what is best for all life in all ways as who I ma as LIFE in all ways and through moving myself as actual real self directive deliberate decisions I make in each breathe as what is best for all life that I am deleting such characters and patterns and walking through the limitations and mind enslavement and to birth myself as life as self movement and to move myself as all that is here one and equal. 

To be continued.