Day 392 – Success within writing Daily, the Ego exposed.

My first point on this topic took place on Day 10

It has been Five Days since I write a Blog, I have been busy and I have been tired, Yet I have had MORE than enough time after getting some rest, to write a blog. 

The secret reason for not writing or that I have been postponing writing for the past five days, Is because I had a moment with Leila where we were doing word re-definition on the word Yes. 

I have come to some REAL feedback within where I stand within writing and how I have pushed myself within writing. 

And doing the Writing and the Self forgiveness and the commitment statements with Leila I was able to see how awesome Leila is within her word placement, and being specific and following structure within how she places the words, and what hit me the most was That Leila could see what I could not see. This ended up being the obvious.

Within that moment of that observation, I Judged myself as being less then, and within this I have placed myself back two steps within myself, instead of breathing and taking one step forward through learning and correcting myself. 

I was also hit hard by how way more specific Leila was within her words because she actually knew many words to describe for instance one thing but with different angels to it, where I had only that one word dimension. 

I felt down and heavy, like pressure on my chest, I also within this judge every single thing  have ever written as NOT good enough, because of what I have seen now that could be possible through simple things such as writing and actually looking/seeing what I am writing and focusing on all dimensions on what I am writing. 

So I have been not writing for the past five days and I have been postponing facing ME/Myself within my writing, because now that I have seen what is possible, I know I cannot go back to how I did writing, and the resistance is to actually push myself within my writing to go there, to be that, to live that has to be walked through.

One of my Ego problems is that I do not like to ask for help, so I have been looping within this exact same point within writing for a very long time.

I told Leila about this point within writing and what I am facing, and we discussed the point, we came to an agreement that I write my Blog every day and send it to her for a check.

I am also not disregarding my improvements, I have definitely improved within writing and within reading and I have definitely changed a lot within and through writing. I am now at the next step that needs to be taken which I have been postponing because of a Ego point, a fear of asking for help and admitting I am stuck.

I have been stuck for a long time and I knew that by asking for help I would not be stuck, but instead I as the ego pretended to be okay and to continue on the same path. 

So My writing within my Journey to Life Blogs has been a success, I have through every day writing and placing myself in words visible to all, exposed myself day after day, I have written proof that I cannot hide from that I have been accepting and allowing as the ego. And here I have had enough. 

I am ready to help myself through asking and accepting and allowing help to be given.

Day 140 – Living Commitment – Day 12 of 21. Sit down and breathe.

When I sit down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I sit down immediately go into thoughts/thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when I sit down it is natural to go into thoughts and thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect sitting down to “I must think”, instead of simply breathing, not realizing that as soon as I think or participate within thoughts I start creating things that isn’t here and that only fucks with my day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Automatically go into thoughts and thinking when I sit down, within the belief that I must be thinking and having thoughts when I sit down just to show that I am “busy” and not simply relaxing and doing nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when I sit down I must keep myself busy and distracted within the mind as thoughts/thinking otherwise I might seem like I am just relaxing and not doing anything but breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see “just breathing” as not being productive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when I sit down I must have thoughts and think about shit in order to be/continue being productive, seeing and realizing that this is a creation or Consumerism where we are taught that we must always be productive and not simply live as breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the only products” I get out of thinking and having thoughts are stress/fear/anxiety/tiredness/projections/desires and everything else that leads to me believing I must go do something after I sat down and spend money and be a good robot consumer as I was brainwashed to be as if it is the only way I can exist in this life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the thoughts I have in my mind and the typical thinking methods I have is exactly the same as a TV or Radio, and that it is constantly only motivating me to be a consumer in all parts of Capitalism, never realizing that I am here as Breathe always moving and talking and being busy as if that is the meaning of life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that TV and Radio is inventions of the human as the mind as thoughts/thinking and that the TV and radio and all other media is but a manifestation of the mind, thus whenever I am sitting down or relaxing I am never really relaxing or stopping stress of fear I am simply creating it through the process of thinking and participating in thoughts as they are always from the past and projected into the future sending the body within the thinking/thought process back and forth in time putting the body under heaps of stress/anxiety causing all kinds of diseases and so create a world that is but on big disease for all.

I commit myself to when and as I sit down to breathe without any judgment of what is right or wrong but to simply breathe for myself here.

I commit myself to when and as I sit down to breathe and not be influenced by my environment to start thinking and back chatting and having thoughts, as I understand that it would simply proof to me I am a automatic robot if I do start thinking and having thought and back chat through environmental influences – thus confirming that I am simply a program that responds to input and thus being programmed by the environment.

I commit myself to when as and as I sit down to BREATH and not participate in thoughts/thinking as habit and as a automated thing, as I realize that only brainwashed and mind controlled people and machines have automated settings.

I commit myself to stop the TV and all forms of media within my head to stop the disease that the world has become and to rebirth myself as life as breathe as the physical so that I can be the cure that spreads as LIFE that is best for all LIFE.

Day 139 – Living Commitments – Day 11 of 21.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I create each and every thought I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself to the thoughts I have as if they are happening to me, seeing and realizing that within this I am giving away my power to stop the thoughts as me as the creator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that all thoughts I have come from me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all thoughts is for the past, as they come from memories stored in the flesh in space and time and that I have accepted and allowed to consume my life and to keep me in the past and re-creating the past as I project them in my eyes in the present and the future, only ever seeing the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that every time I have a thought it is the past that I am projecting within me as a False image of reality and thus when I follow the thought I will end up only repeating the past, because my mind took the past and made it seem a bit better and thus I follow it only to find out it’s the same in reality and thus only always creating the past and thus Abusing myself and LIFE here on earth as I never learn and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that thoughts are not real and cannot be trusted at all as they exist as an energetic experience within my mind and as a illusion re-presentation of reality and thus it cannot be trusted one bit as reality is obviously HERE and not in the MIND.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FOOLISHLY belief that I can move and direct myself through using the mind that is energy based and that can change and will change every single second, where as the PHYSICAL is HERE and can be trusted with being here as it is stable and REAL and not energy based as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust something such as the mind, not considering that within the mind anyone can make up ANYTHING they want anytime about anything, yet with this considered as being possible in the mind we still follow this same thing (the Mind) within making LIFE changing decisions, not seeing and realizing that it can and will change (the decision) anytime as the mind is energy based, based on how you feel and what information has been put into you, and because we belief that mind is who we are we accept and allow the energy to move and direct us like ROBOTS getting a quick upload on the mission, instead of being here Physically where no energy decides but breath and common sense always based on what is real as the physical that isn’t limited or enslaved to any form of energy such as thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have given all power to the mind as thoughts, as soon as I have a thought I immediately without question accept and allow it to decide for me how I will feel – either good or bad and then to actually direct my life according to that, how ridiculous it that – no free choice and no self will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as long as Humans give power to the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions all abuse on earth will continue till life as we know it ends, as thoughts/feelings/emotions are the things that all EVIL has in common, as it does not matter if you are a lover or a rapist – both consist out of the same mixture of thoughts/feelings/emotions and thus as long as we accept and allow one though/feeling/emotion to exist we are accepting and allowing all of them to exist – RAPE/MURDER/CRUELTY name them all.

I commit myself to show that if all human being has to stop their mind and STOP thoughts and feeling and emotions – all abuse on earth will end, as everything we currently do is based on how we thing and feel – thus if people simple breathe and LIVE here in the physical as LIFE then there is no EVIL as evil only come from the mind where there is Secret.

Day 138 – Living commitments – Day 10 of 21.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that thoughts are not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that thoughts are “reality” taken and placed within the mind as an illusion version of the mind, never showing the true face of what is really here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts just because they seem more appealing to me, just like a bug that goes to the light only to find out it is a Bug killing machine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value thoughts more than actual reality and to within this always following the “dream” within my mind and never really see what is going on here on earth as this reality, as I constantly take the past and project it within thought, as thoughts i parts of reality that is made different within the mind and place it over the future as a projection, always living in the past and the future and never being here present in fact in awareness and thus only living a lie that leads to the consequences we are faced with, where reality as earth is neglected and abused and on its way to destruction because of us not being able to see it due to the blinding of living as thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for “false” images and to neglect the real Image here as the physical reality just because the false images look better and more appealing, not seeing and realizing that the false images as thoughts can only look appealing because of what has/is being accepted and allowed to manifest in the flesh on earth through our participation in the mind as thoughts, and thus we are the cause and the effect of all that is here that we Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts and the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing reality without thoughts as I understand that without thoughts to distract me and to present false images to me I will only see truth as that which is here in and as the physical and will have no choice but to take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the truth as what is here as the physical as this reality though hiding and covering the truth up with thoughts and illusions of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide and cower behind thoughts in the fear of what I know is here as this physical reality as that which we have accepted and allowed to manifest and that I must take self responsibility if I stop all thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I stop thoughts that I will be faced with reality as myself as who I am, and that breath is the one point as the physical I can support myself with and stabilize myself with to walk and to change what is here as myself as all life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I use thoughts to hide truth and that the only truth that is here is what is being denied, as the only thing that is being denied is this physical reality as the evidence is visible in Life as we know it here on earth as total abuse of LIFE.

I commit myself to when as I see myself within thoughts to stop and breathe and to realize that it is a mechanism I have created to hide the reality of life as the truth as that which is here because I have made what is in my mind as more and better, and to realize that as long as I participate within thoughts I will only exist as the illusion of thoughts and the continuation of the Abuse will lead to the end of life as we know it, and thus it is within the best interest of all Life as ME to stop thoughts and take immediate self responsibility in and as the physical as the truth – and that I can only take self responsibility if I can see the truth and that is to stop all thoughts and wipe my EYE balls cleaned and see what is here, and to BREATH instead of thought and to birth myself as breathe as life here in and as the physical one and equal and to bring about a world that IS best for all life.

Day 134 – Living Commitments – Day 6 of 21. – All I ever known.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all I have ever known as who I am was/is thoughts/feelings/emotions and that to birth myself as breathe as the physical as that which is real is a physical act in self awareness actually breathing willingly and to stop the thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make having thoughts as normal and thus when and as I am lost or within thoughts, I do not recognize it - as I have already judged it as Normal and thus simply accepting and allowing it to consume me and my day, as self compromise and sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consumed by thoughts through accepting and allowing thoughts as being normal and that it is “just” happening to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the thoughts that is within me through telling myself it is Normal and part of human nature to have thoughts, realizing that as a child I did not have thoughts and that this is the evidence that the natural state of the human/physical is without thoughts, thus thoughts is but a indicator that there is something wrong and not directed within oneself, such as past memories/experiences that one has accepted and allowed to have influence on the present – as this is able to be so through a lack of education of how everything functions in life and that self responsibility has not been taken for all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts as just one of those things that I do every day as if it is normal, realizing that through this I am accepting and allowing the past to be in the present re-creating the past constantly and thus form abusive patterns towards myself and life, realizing that taking self responsibility through stopping the thoughts as the past re-occurring I am taking self responsibility for the present as the future as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Follow thoughts due to me being so used to it, as I see and realize as a child I was never taught what thoughts are and how to direct them I instead out of curiosity followed them, leading to abusive patterns and events/situations that only compromised me and still does the same out of a habit of it is Normal as I have always done it this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider stopping thoughts and to instead only follow them or to be directed by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as thoughts come up see them as valuable and that they must have purpose and meaning, and therefore I must follow them, realizing that the purpose and meaning within the thoughts is but only me that has forgotten the past and thus in curiosity wanting to follow the thoughts to relive the past to see that I have not missed anything, realizing that I do this every day, day after day only re-creating the past as I forget the past through the thoughts/feelings/emotions that comes up within me, realizing that I must stop and Breathe as breath is the present in all ways, each breath is new and here as the physical as that which is best for all life to create a future that is best for all and not the past repeating and accumulating in the present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the next thought I will have might be important and thus I must participate within all thoughts just not to miss that one thought that might be important.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all thoughts is of the past and thus not real, but an energy experience trapped in the past re-occurring in the present as I have not taken self responsibility for and as my past yes to take self responsibility for my present and thus the future.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am automated within thoughts, to stop and breathe and to bring myself back here to breathe and to slow down and move myself as the director in the present.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself justifying and believing that the thoughts I am having right now must have some importance, to stop and realize they are only thoughts of the past and that it is nothing new, ever, and only creating the past in the present, and thus to stop and breathe and be here as the breath as that which is best for all life, as I realize it is not best for all life or myself to constantly re-creating the past, as the past is evident to have only led thus far to a world that is even more fucked up.

Day 69 – The personality Suit Part 4 –excitement behavior 3

excited me.

OK so is the continuation of the personality suit and the behaviors Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave in a overload of energy as excitement when I am anxious or feeling insecure to hide it and make myself seem as a fun guy instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave out of fear and anxiety in a super excited manner as being charged up and ready to do anything as to hide the fear .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of seeing and investigating why and how I am creating and manifesting fear within my and to built up as a overload of energy that I release through excitement within my behaviors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of looking at why and how I am creating fear and anxiety within me and in the end have a built up of energy that release as behavior in excitement and to identify myself as personality as a excited person.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realized that as long as I identify myself as a excited person as a personality as who I am in my behavior that I am actually accepting and allowing me to exist in complete fear and anxiety/stress as I have made it part of my personality as a statement this is who I am as fear and anxiety and stress and I can not do anything about it.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that excitement is fear and anxiety/stress that has accumulated within me through my own acceptance and allowance within what I participate within me as back chat and secret mind as energy within the mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify my personality trait as being a excited person to be around with, realizing that I am actually just a anxious and fearful person to be around with which is disguised as excitement and thus I am actually a danger to myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a excitement seeking junkie that seeks fear and anxiety within me life and where I can face the fears or over come them as being this I can do it guy within excitement to hide the fear and anxiety as to portray the image of not being fearful and anxious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in harms way in danger when I am possessed by a energetic experience of excitement that is built up fear/anxiety/stress just to get a relies from the fear/anxiety/stress, realizing that all I have to do is breathe and look at myself and why/how I create fear/stress/anxiety within my life that I turn into excitement as a energetic possession as ego as a personality to impress people and to be liked and seen as more and special. 

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I create all fear/anxiety/stress within my life that I express as excitement in disguise just to keep up with a personality to show to others, as the guy that can over come fear and do things no one else can or fear to much doing, realizing that I can and do harm my body through placing my body in constant stress/fear/anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that it is not worth it to keep on living in self created fears/anxiety/stress that forms an overload of energy that comes out as excitement that leads to the ego doing stupid things such as jumping off a cliff or anything that seems extreme within excitement just to keep up the ego personality that I used to get people to like me, to accept me, to see me as more and special,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to impress people within what I can do as being a awesome personality that is excited to be around because I can do the exciting things that most people fear doing, realizing that one day I might not be so lucky and actually kill, harm myself through doing something to impress people just for the personality’s sake as the mind consciousness system that is based on self interest and energy.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realized that when I am excited in my behavior and acting it out, I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as fear/anxiety.stress because I am telling myself I need those things to generate energy to built up excitement and to sustain a suit of personality that isnt even real but made up and that will end at death ad who will I be then? Fear/anxiety/stress. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself a chance as breathe, to relax and live here within each breath as life one and equal and to not give into the mind as energy and to not live as fear and anxiety and stress just to have a temporarily experience of excitement and to to birth myself as life as who I am as I decide in each breath as that which is best for all life to free myself from mental and energetic enslavement and to breathe freely. 

I commit myself to when I experience a feeling of excitement, to stop and breathe and to look at what is underneath the excitement and to investigate in breathe in the moment who I am and what I am accepting and allowing within and as me in fact, to then stop and breathe and to be here in breathe, to not be a slave to energy as the mind.

I commit myself to investigate all points of excitement and to look at what is the fear/anxiety/stress that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me and my world and that I have allowed to accumulate within me to a energy built up that turns into a experience that I can not explain and call it excitement and to then within my behavior as my personality act out in my world and within this mind energy excitement can harm myself and others.

I commit myself to apply writing and self forgiveness on all stress/anxiety/fear that I participate within my self and my world as back chat/thoughts/secret mind and to free myself from all stress/anxiety/fear of the mind and to stop the enslavement of energy.

I commit myself to stop hiding behind excitement and to face the fears/stress/anxiety that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me and to take self responsibility for myself and so for my world and to not follow a energy movement within me, but to take self directive action in directing myself in and as the physical as that which is best for all life in all ways and to re-birth myself as life and to free myself as breath.

Day 10 - Receiving/asking for help, stopping the ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being helped by another person and that it will be seen as a weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see help as weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge help as being negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when help is offered to me, as I see it that the other person is implying I am imperfect, thus I realize that I am not perfect and I am in the process of reaching perfection as life as that which is best for all and thus help is needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see being helped by others as me not being capable.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that when I need help that I am not yet capable and that is the point of being helped, to become capable and empowering myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to interpret help as being a weakness because of my judgments that I have towards others that require help as being weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and judge others that ask/require help as being weak and not capable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being capable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I ask or receive help that I will never be able to do it on my own and that I always now have to ask for help with the same thing over and over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that help is what I need till I get the points for myself and can stand by it effectively to be able to assist and support others in the same way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself with in not asking for help and trying to do everything myself and end up not doing it effectively and have to redo it all again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my ego come in the way of me and what requires to be done that is best for all life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  trust my ego as the mind as my back chat instead of me here in common sense with in the physical as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in my ego as the mind as back chat in relation to asking for help and seeing it as weakness to not ask and sabotage myself and in the same process others walking with me in their process's.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that asking for help is humbleness, as me admitting I do not yet understand life and that I will in all humbleness submit to learn and to understand so that I may be worthy of life as life one and equal in full understanding of all that is here so I may walk as an equal.


I commit myself to ask for help when I need it, till I can stand as the point and give help equally as support and assistance to another, to live the principal as do onto another as I would do onto myself, give as you would like to receive,

I commit myself to stop the ego and to do what is best for all life as myself, and to write and forgive myself on the points of asking for help when it comes up.

Here is some great help on understanding Life a bit more. 

The design of Life Volume 1

The design of Life volume 2

The design of life Volume 3