Day 392 – Success within writing Daily, the Ego exposed.

My first point on this topic took place on Day 10

It has been Five Days since I write a Blog, I have been busy and I have been tired, Yet I have had MORE than enough time after getting some rest, to write a blog. 

The secret reason for not writing or that I have been postponing writing for the past five days, Is because I had a moment with Leila where we were doing word re-definition on the word Yes. 

I have come to some REAL feedback within where I stand within writing and how I have pushed myself within writing. 

And doing the Writing and the Self forgiveness and the commitment statements with Leila I was able to see how awesome Leila is within her word placement, and being specific and following structure within how she places the words, and what hit me the most was That Leila could see what I could not see. This ended up being the obvious.

Within that moment of that observation, I Judged myself as being less then, and within this I have placed myself back two steps within myself, instead of breathing and taking one step forward through learning and correcting myself. 

I was also hit hard by how way more specific Leila was within her words because she actually knew many words to describe for instance one thing but with different angels to it, where I had only that one word dimension. 

I felt down and heavy, like pressure on my chest, I also within this judge every single thing  have ever written as NOT good enough, because of what I have seen now that could be possible through simple things such as writing and actually looking/seeing what I am writing and focusing on all dimensions on what I am writing. 

So I have been not writing for the past five days and I have been postponing facing ME/Myself within my writing, because now that I have seen what is possible, I know I cannot go back to how I did writing, and the resistance is to actually push myself within my writing to go there, to be that, to live that has to be walked through.

One of my Ego problems is that I do not like to ask for help, so I have been looping within this exact same point within writing for a very long time.

I told Leila about this point within writing and what I am facing, and we discussed the point, we came to an agreement that I write my Blog every day and send it to her for a check.

I am also not disregarding my improvements, I have definitely improved within writing and within reading and I have definitely changed a lot within and through writing. I am now at the next step that needs to be taken which I have been postponing because of a Ego point, a fear of asking for help and admitting I am stuck.

I have been stuck for a long time and I knew that by asking for help I would not be stuck, but instead I as the ego pretended to be okay and to continue on the same path. 

So My writing within my Journey to Life Blogs has been a success, I have through every day writing and placing myself in words visible to all, exposed myself day after day, I have written proof that I cannot hide from that I have been accepting and allowing as the ego. And here I have had enough. 

I am ready to help myself through asking and accepting and allowing help to be given.

Day 151 – Asking for Milk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when our house runs out of milk and I have to go to the other house to ask for more milk, to feel guilty for asking for more milk, as I believe that me asking for more milk is me taking their milk just so that I may have for instance a cup of coffee.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the guilt is only a feeling I have when asking for milk because I was raised and brought up in a system where LIFE cost money and within that I have developed guilt when I ask for something simple as milk for coffee.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by others when I go to them asking for more milk, within the fear that they will judge me for using lots of milk and only making the monthly expenses more.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that asking for more milk DOES make the monthly expensed more and thus more money must be spend for me to have more milk, I see and realize that it is not a point to feel guilty about but to check Who I am when I ask for milk and what thoughts/back chat I participated within to have accumulated fear when asking for milk and guilt when I receive milk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use milk daily from the starting point of indulging in drinking milk because I resist drinking water as i have judged water as not “tasting” like anything and so instead of drinking what worse and what is here I down a litre of milk a day that does cost more money, all for the sake of a thought/belief in my mind that I have about water.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drink milk every time I open the fridge till it is finished, and to then when it is finished -- I know I did it purposely not considering the actual reasons/purposes we bought milk for, such as coffee or cereal, and now that I finished it I have to now go and get more milk for the rest of the house for the coffee and cereal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I created the guilt and fear when I ask for milk through my actions in the past where I made decisions within the secret mind that is always based on self interest.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I pen the fridge and I see the milk and I think in my mind “ OH just a few sips quickly” and then take a few sips that it ads up to me finishing a whole bottle a day as I entertained the thought that was backed up with justifications such as “ a few sips will not make a difference”, “I deserve a few sips”, “ I am hot and the cold milk will cool me down” and to then play out the actions of drinking the milk till it is done at the end of the day, knowing we ALL still had to use milk for purposes that includes the whole group, and now I have to go to another house and ask for milk that they have and did not finish in self interest like I did and take their milk from them and to within this as the fear – fear that my actions would be questioned for why we run out of so much milk so fast, that I also then know costs more money and that the money could have been spend on something else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I keep on entertaining the thought every time I open the fridge to drink the milk and to then act out on it because I refuse to actually re-hydrate my body through drinking water, due to the judgments/opinions I have created around water and so have all the outflows of all the consequences JUST within my life within this one situation on this one point, not yet looking at my life where all points is playing out like this and costing literally.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop and breathe and simply drink a glass of water and to see what is real and not - and obviously to be most practical within the current reality of this world where everything functions with money and where everything costs money that I do, even opening the fridge door every time I just want to take one sip of milk and that it is not to judge or demonize the milk or from having a sip, but to stop the part where I am literally only consuming for the sake of it and not addressing the point practically and thus only cost money and compromise the house and other houses all because I was following one thought.

I commit myself to when and as I open the fridge for any reason and I see the milk to not drink the milk, and to instead go and fill up a cup of water and drink the water and to stop the attempt to quench my first with everything I can BUT water - and to actually support my body with water as 70% of me is water and thus it is but only common sense and to stop wasting money on mind bullshit that isn’t real but only self indulgence.

Day 100 – beyond my own self belief, one Hundred days of writing,

One hundred days of writing in the 7 year Journey to Life, It feels/seems like I started a month ago only, yet it has been a bit more than three months of writing Blogs everyday within the seven Year Journey to Life – see the facebook page where we all that is/are writing the blogs share it and read each other’s blogs and how we walk as a group yet as individuals to birth ourselves as life to take on all characters and all patterns that is not Best for all Life in all ways and to show/proof that human nature is simply part of the current system we live in making it so, and that through the writing and applying what we write practically living it we can/have stopped patterns and changed to live what is best for all life in all ways and so as each one starts their Journey to life blogs and write and share and removing all brainwashing and mind control and enslavement we will so one man/women at a time change the world for ever to a place that is best for all life.

What have I learned within my one hundred blogs that I have written thus far?

I have learned that I can write everyday and be consistent within it – whereas before in my life I have never thought of myself to even be able to write even one blog, never mind two, and this character I had of (“ME writing a blog, lol that is for losers”) as a belief/idea/judgment I had/kept of myself was so due to programming of that is just in your nature Gian (me) to never be able to sit down and write and actually post the blog on the internet for all to see/read and share/learn/support/assist self/others, and that I can never change it, yet here I am and I proved that I can change it through the writing of self forgiveness of deconstructing the Characters/patterns of complete and utter self limitation and enslavement.

I have learned that I can sit down for an hour or three and I can start a blog and I can actually take one Character/pattern and write it out for myself and apply SF on the character and pattern and that I can lay it out for myself in front of my own eyes and see that what I am living and what I belief to be real is in fact just so because I make it so due to beliefs/ideas/opinions/judgment and that it all comes from memory and past experiences that I have identified myself with/as and thus created myself as that and so lived it as if it is all that I can be, yet here I am, I proofed this one point to myself, that I can change a Pattern, that I can through walking the correction after writing it out for myself stop the self limitation/abuse of the patterns that is not best for all or even for my own development as a complete human being that can achieve my full potential and that I can in the place of that pattern live a correction that I lay out for myself within self commitments and thus through living it in and as the physical – the same way I created all the other patterns/characters – create and manifest what is best for all life, thus this being me as Who Idecide who I am as LIFE as the physical one and equal as all LIFE.

I also learned that there is a extremely long road ahead for humans on earth as I am seeing myself being here at my one hundredth blog, Yet it is possible, change is possible as I have seen within changing one pattern thus far, writing my blog every day. And that it is necessary that ALL who can hear this message start the Journey to Life blog writing daily, to see and investigate what we are doing and to see in common sense and self honesty what is necessary for REAL actual change that can last eternally, as this is a must for human nature to change – and as I have seen it is possible.

I have also learned over the past three months – as this is a really cool point for me within writing my daily blogs in the journey to life blogs that writing everyday in self forgiveness and writing is the greatest self support and assistance I can give myself within stabilizing myself, you know when you have a mind full of all the crap thoughts, the nasty thoughts, the anger thoughts the constant thinking that just does not want to stop, you know the nights you cannot fall asleep because you are thinking and so busy in your mind the whole time, and then it starts to get to you, well writing it out in self forgiveness if releasing yourself of that, giving you back to yourself and, and after a while you will see your mind becoming more and more quite, still thoughts, still things coming up, but it is at a level where I can handle it with breathing and not letting it take over my day and my life and so the journey shows that what is in the mind isn’t real as I/we can simply stop it. Thus what remains here in and as the physical is the reality – real that we have to take self responsibility for as a group each individual at a time.

What I have also learned is that as a group writing and self forgiving ourselves we will change the world as WHO WE ARE, because who I am determines what I do, it simply is that way, you have to be someone living a certain principle to secondly do what you do, you cannot do something without first making a decision within you as who you are, thus we must change who we are to that which is best for all life in all ways and so we will create a world that is BEST for all life in all ways, why would we want anything less than the best for ourselves and all other life, when all life has the best there can be we are living the best life possible. Unlike the current system that is simply our own doom.

I ask that all that come into contact with this blog or the vlog that is made on it, to join the Journey to life Blogs, and write everyday for a new world that is best for all life in self forgiveness and commitments, you will never be ready till you do it. So doing it starts when you do it lol.

Otherwise waiting becomes your master and you will be victim to all that you allow to happen, yet at the same time the creator of what happens as the waiting allows it, time is limited, yet we have time, lets use each breathe and make each breath actually in fact COUNT, do not waist your breathe.

Join the forums and the equal money website, become the change you want – a BEST and better world in fact for yourself and all life. 

www.desteni.org

www.equalmoney.org

www.desteniiprocess.com

Day 10 - Receiving/asking for help, stopping the ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being helped by another person and that it will be seen as a weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see help as weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge help as being negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when help is offered to me, as I see it that the other person is implying I am imperfect, thus I realize that I am not perfect and I am in the process of reaching perfection as life as that which is best for all and thus help is needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see being helped by others as me not being capable.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that when I need help that I am not yet capable and that is the point of being helped, to become capable and empowering myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to interpret help as being a weakness because of my judgments that I have towards others that require help as being weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and judge others that ask/require help as being weak and not capable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being capable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I ask or receive help that I will never be able to do it on my own and that I always now have to ask for help with the same thing over and over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that help is what I need till I get the points for myself and can stand by it effectively to be able to assist and support others in the same way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself with in not asking for help and trying to do everything myself and end up not doing it effectively and have to redo it all again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my ego come in the way of me and what requires to be done that is best for all life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  trust my ego as the mind as my back chat instead of me here in common sense with in the physical as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in my ego as the mind as back chat in relation to asking for help and seeing it as weakness to not ask and sabotage myself and in the same process others walking with me in their process's.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that asking for help is humbleness, as me admitting I do not yet understand life and that I will in all humbleness submit to learn and to understand so that I may be worthy of life as life one and equal in full understanding of all that is here so I may walk as an equal.


I commit myself to ask for help when I need it, till I can stand as the point and give help equally as support and assistance to another, to live the principal as do onto another as I would do onto myself, give as you would like to receive,

I commit myself to stop the ego and to do what is best for all life as myself, and to write and forgive myself on the points of asking for help when it comes up.

Here is some great help on understanding Life a bit more. 

The design of Life Volume 1

The design of Life volume 2

The design of life Volume 3