Day 385 - Start at the Start Part 1

Start at the start, at least then I am starting and doing something, I have find myself wanting to jump way ahead within doing things and then I find myself lost, unable to move or direct myself.

The Start within Desteni is always self-investigation using the tools that is given, writing and reading and self-forgiveness, common sense, breathing as the guideline and self-honesty.

Using these tools within investigating self, one can also investigate the world and how things work, it takes time, because self is a creation of the whole that is here, like a product, self is thus the whole, and what self-lives/experiences and everything in between is thus the whole because it is keeping the whole as it is. 

I am writing about this point because of an event that happened today within starting to make some vlogs, I was sitting outside with the tablet and I was making a vlog, but I kept on tripping and falling and getting up while doing the vlog within speaking and how the information was flowing, with anxiety forming and being created within the process.

This happened because I was about to talk about a point that I have realized as knowledge and information, I could see the point, but I did not investigate the point for myself within using the basic tools such as writing/self-forgiveness/common-sense/self-honesty and breathing effectively.

So the stumbling/tripping came from knowing the point/seeing the point but not having all the other points connected to it, which I would have discovered within my self-investigation. 

The self-investigation would take time, I was in a rush to just make a vlog about the point, and thus I jumped to the middle, instead of starting at the beginning and doing it as what is best for all which includes myself.

I see that I do this in fear of losing the point I have seen/realized as knowledge and information thus far only, not yet investigated as actuality for myself, and the resistance of doing the investigation, because I know that part takes some actual focus and dedication and more time. 

I have created a paranoia, where I am paranoid that if I do not do this as a vlog now I will miss it forever, and then the paranoia goes hand in hand with, me being paranoid about not having a vlog for today and thus it must only come up tomorrow or the day after and then I will be falling “behind” within the deadline I have given myself. 

There was a simple solution, I could not see this as I went into a total mind fuck about it and feeling all down and judge-mental, which I now see as I am investigating the point now, I could have simply made a video on the points I have already investigated and LIVED and have physical proof of as myself. Which would have been perfect.

Here is another cool point of not starting at the start, where I believe I must only make the vlogs on points that come up now, after five and a half years into my process already, so there is that much time behind me that I still have as evidence of many points I have walked and done that I can make a vlog about, but I jumped it all. 

Here is the secret reason for why all of this paranoia is going on, I have been in the Desteni process for five and a half years, I have walked and I have lived many corrections, I have faced extensive points within my life that I never saw as possible, and they are equally relevant now as back then, but my secret mind has created a secret idea about time, that if I share something from years ago and support and assistance now, I might come forth as not having moved at all within my process within all that time. 

I see and realize that as MY walking of the correction within this point, I must now do exactly that which I resist doing, I must walk the points I have lived within my writing and within vlogs. So that I can get rid of the ego as the mind as energy addiction, to remove all ideas/beliefs/opinions as limitation and support and assist myself, and in the same process others one and equal within all those points. 

I see that I have a specific anxiety that I experience because of the process I have walked thus far and have only kept to myself, it is a anxiety that makes me feel like running from myself, but it actually just me wanting to run from this point of facing myself within this one point, to stop my self-judgments/fears and get over it and fucking share what I have to share.

To be continued.

Making Vlogs Day 335

I have been making vlogs in my room for the last three days, I make them so that I can upload them, I find that through speaking in the vlogs and posting vlogs I built self-confidence, and I get feedback on it, which is a great way of self-support in this process of creating myself one and equal within all that is here.

The Philosophy that I had was, I have my phone next to me at all times, and when I have a point that comes up, I make a video immediately, so I have been doing that.

BUT – (here comes the shit) – when I turn the camera on, and I start speaking, I find that what I had in mind, what I had as realization within me, a point that I could see, I am now completely unable to communicate the same way. It is like it changed and all the information just pooped out of my head, or scattered everywhere. And also It never sounds the same LOL.

Here I am, I am getting really tired of this shit, so to say, I want to turn on the camera and I want to speak the realization as I had it within me, the information must come out as it is here, but man, it never happens, I go of topic in the first two minutes, I lose the LINE of information, and I start grabbing other lines and pull them in and in the end I have a knot.

I see that within my writing I create lines, lines that flow as I write, it comes HERE, I am not looking at what I want to write, ot what I have to write or how I must write, it comes as I type each word, this I find is really cool, because I am writing in the moment.

I am mentioning this because I am looking at it and why it is this way within writing but not within my vlogs, what is the difference.

I see the difference is that within writing I will see a point, Let’s say I faced Fear of rejection today, then I make that my topic, and bam there I go, I write it out, with the vlogs I actually see a whole construct and all the connections and how vast things can be, and then I see I have a nice line of information here that I can voice out in a vlog to bring the point across, I know this because I have voiced it in my head already, there is sounds good and all.

So here I turn the camera on and bam, I fucking get lost, I see that within the writing I have already done a shit load of self-writing for the past couple of years and specifically within the JTL blogs the past 335 days lol, the vlogs part isn’t consistent.

So I haven’t developed myself/programmed myself to yet work with information in such a way. Speaking it as I see it, I have only learned to type it, not voice it, same with when I tried to learn zulu, It was easy to learn it, but when I had to speak it I even lost what I learned from reading, it got lost, because the sounding is a completely different dimensions from just storing it in my head and speaking it there.

So basically, I must keep on keeping on practicing till it is concrete as me and the information s aligned within the physical and the sound. Meaning it is one and equal and not based on the mind but actual physicality.

Day 100 – beyond my own self belief, one Hundred days of writing,

One hundred days of writing in the 7 year Journey to Life, It feels/seems like I started a month ago only, yet it has been a bit more than three months of writing Blogs everyday within the seven Year Journey to Life – see the facebook page where we all that is/are writing the blogs share it and read each other’s blogs and how we walk as a group yet as individuals to birth ourselves as life to take on all characters and all patterns that is not Best for all Life in all ways and to show/proof that human nature is simply part of the current system we live in making it so, and that through the writing and applying what we write practically living it we can/have stopped patterns and changed to live what is best for all life in all ways and so as each one starts their Journey to life blogs and write and share and removing all brainwashing and mind control and enslavement we will so one man/women at a time change the world for ever to a place that is best for all life.

What have I learned within my one hundred blogs that I have written thus far?

I have learned that I can write everyday and be consistent within it – whereas before in my life I have never thought of myself to even be able to write even one blog, never mind two, and this character I had of (“ME writing a blog, lol that is for losers”) as a belief/idea/judgment I had/kept of myself was so due to programming of that is just in your nature Gian (me) to never be able to sit down and write and actually post the blog on the internet for all to see/read and share/learn/support/assist self/others, and that I can never change it, yet here I am and I proved that I can change it through the writing of self forgiveness of deconstructing the Characters/patterns of complete and utter self limitation and enslavement.

I have learned that I can sit down for an hour or three and I can start a blog and I can actually take one Character/pattern and write it out for myself and apply SF on the character and pattern and that I can lay it out for myself in front of my own eyes and see that what I am living and what I belief to be real is in fact just so because I make it so due to beliefs/ideas/opinions/judgment and that it all comes from memory and past experiences that I have identified myself with/as and thus created myself as that and so lived it as if it is all that I can be, yet here I am, I proofed this one point to myself, that I can change a Pattern, that I can through walking the correction after writing it out for myself stop the self limitation/abuse of the patterns that is not best for all or even for my own development as a complete human being that can achieve my full potential and that I can in the place of that pattern live a correction that I lay out for myself within self commitments and thus through living it in and as the physical – the same way I created all the other patterns/characters – create and manifest what is best for all life, thus this being me as Who Idecide who I am as LIFE as the physical one and equal as all LIFE.

I also learned that there is a extremely long road ahead for humans on earth as I am seeing myself being here at my one hundredth blog, Yet it is possible, change is possible as I have seen within changing one pattern thus far, writing my blog every day. And that it is necessary that ALL who can hear this message start the Journey to Life blog writing daily, to see and investigate what we are doing and to see in common sense and self honesty what is necessary for REAL actual change that can last eternally, as this is a must for human nature to change – and as I have seen it is possible.

I have also learned over the past three months – as this is a really cool point for me within writing my daily blogs in the journey to life blogs that writing everyday in self forgiveness and writing is the greatest self support and assistance I can give myself within stabilizing myself, you know when you have a mind full of all the crap thoughts, the nasty thoughts, the anger thoughts the constant thinking that just does not want to stop, you know the nights you cannot fall asleep because you are thinking and so busy in your mind the whole time, and then it starts to get to you, well writing it out in self forgiveness if releasing yourself of that, giving you back to yourself and, and after a while you will see your mind becoming more and more quite, still thoughts, still things coming up, but it is at a level where I can handle it with breathing and not letting it take over my day and my life and so the journey shows that what is in the mind isn’t real as I/we can simply stop it. Thus what remains here in and as the physical is the reality – real that we have to take self responsibility for as a group each individual at a time.

What I have also learned is that as a group writing and self forgiving ourselves we will change the world as WHO WE ARE, because who I am determines what I do, it simply is that way, you have to be someone living a certain principle to secondly do what you do, you cannot do something without first making a decision within you as who you are, thus we must change who we are to that which is best for all life in all ways and so we will create a world that is BEST for all life in all ways, why would we want anything less than the best for ourselves and all other life, when all life has the best there can be we are living the best life possible. Unlike the current system that is simply our own doom.

I ask that all that come into contact with this blog or the vlog that is made on it, to join the Journey to life Blogs, and write everyday for a new world that is best for all life in self forgiveness and commitments, you will never be ready till you do it. So doing it starts when you do it lol.

Otherwise waiting becomes your master and you will be victim to all that you allow to happen, yet at the same time the creator of what happens as the waiting allows it, time is limited, yet we have time, lets use each breathe and make each breath actually in fact COUNT, do not waist your breathe.

Join the forums and the equal money website, become the change you want – a BEST and better world in fact for yourself and all life. 

www.desteni.org

www.equalmoney.org

www.desteniiprocess.com