Day 132 – Living Commitment – Day 4 of 21

Continuing from Day 131 day 3 of 21 from this section – 

Quote: “So I learned that Authority has the power to punish you without even explaining in detail what was happening, what is happening and why and why was it asked of me to stop and to sit still, or to not scream, or to not touch a certain thing in the house, this gets taught to me only when I am older and all the damage was already done through the parents reactions/emotions/feelings instead of breathing and directing situations in common sense in real physical support as to what is here in this physical reality, it is not like a baby is born with the knowledge of what everything is. This should be a basic common sense point.” End Quote.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn to accept and allow that Authority has the power to punish without reason and that I must accept it as it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow Authority to Punish and to abuse without having a reason that is within the best interest of all life and that I have within this always just accepted and allowed the world to continue in abuse due to the decisions Authority make in this world even if it is destroying forests and the oceans and killing animals and creating wars, as I have learned to accept and allow that “Authority” knows best and therefore I can “trust” what they are doing even if it is Killing LIFE, as what was taught to me as a child, within the belief that it is for love, that the decisions and actions taken by Authority is done so because the Authority loves me/us and always have our best interest as heart, when in fact it is but only self interest and money that makes the decisions and the only love authority have for me/us is to give them the authority they want/need to do as they please, and this is done easily as long as I/everyone beliefs we are BAD people and deserve to be punished and suffer and that we as the Bad people have no right to speak up, to question and to SAY NO MORE and that we demand change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all people have the belief that they are born into sin, thus the belief that we are all BAD people and have no Right to to do anything but subject and give up and give in and be punished as our daily survival, as survival is based on the Idea that you must fight for your food/roof/water because you are to bad to have it simply given to you in a perfect world system such as the Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and as the belief of myself that I am a bad person and within this belief have the attitude of “I have no right to trust myself, belief in myself, to give a new world to myself that is best for all life” because I am so bad, look at the world, the world is telling me I am so bad all the time, the Media says I am fat the whole time, the Media says I am unhealthy the whole time, the Media says I am not working hard enough the whole time, the Media keeps showing me what I should have had by now if I was a Good Hard working person.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the world is built and kept the way it is because of people that has been brainwashed and educated to belief they are BAD and thus created Broken characters that keeps the Broken world the way it is.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as Long as the Media such as the newspapers and magazines and TV shows me perfect clear pictures and advertisements they are in opposite telling me I am not that and thus a bad person if I have not self respect/honor or integrity to not accept and allow bullshit that is only made to capitalize of the billions through deception/manipulation and mind control through constantly putting in ideas/pictures/opinions into the human mind that was never perfected as a part of life and thus is completely vulnerable to anything those with money wants to do with them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I breathe in awareness as myself as the director breathing I can not process thinking (brainwashing/mind control) and thus as long as I am thinking I must realize that I am busy with brainwashing myself and controlling my mind by myself and participating in the religion of self and that this is all a malfunction of the human robot not being perfected in the first seven years of life to what is here and how everything functions as LIFE and thus can and IS used against you for self interest and profit gain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Breathing is the KEY to stopping all brainwashing and mind control and all of that which isnt me directing and deciding for myself to LIVE as that which is best for all life in ALL ways.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself go into fear and anxiety of Authority to breathe and to stop the thoughts that resonate within me as energy that takes over the body as a resonant possession and to breathe and to bring myself back here and to realize through the breathing that the thoughts is but a creation of myself and that I am the one creating them and thus I can stop them, and to realize that they have no meaning unless I give them meaning as to participate within them and give them power and following them.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am not breathing that I am in fact within thoughts/mind, to stop and in awareness breathe and be here, to breathe and be here, and to breathe and be here and to continue supporting myself with and as Breathe till the thoughts stop, the same way I created them in space and time I will remove/stop them in space and time through breathing, till only breath remains and I am here as self support for myself within re-birthing myself as Life one and equal.

I commit myself to when and as I see/realize I am not breathing -- to within the understanding of – that when I am thinking I am not breathing but in fact only participating within my internal reality as thoughts/feelings/emotions which is me in the process of creating my own fears/anxiety/stress and thus I can within the knowing apply my knowledge practically through stopping the creation of my fear/anxiety/stress by BREATHING, as I have proven to myself that when I breathe in awareness there is no time within me for feelings/emotions/thoughts as I am Focused on breathing and what is really here as the physical.

Day 131 – Living Commitment – Day 3 of 21

This is a continuation of Day 1 of 21 as there was two parts/sections in that blog, I am not continuing form this section, on the Character of “I am always a Bad person” as one of the main characters that I pin pointed within living the commitment of breathing everyday and how this character actually “robs” me of my breathe.

Quote: “This Character activates around people that I have placed in my mind as “authority” and as better than me – as people that always do better.

So when I am for instance working and doing my stuff and a person comes in that I have placed in my mind as authority and they say something I freeze inside myself and I literally stop breathing, I am in complete anticipation of getting yelled at or being told how bad I am or that I am doing something wrong, this character is so intense that I will literally do “Nothing wrong” for months and when someone comes to me and say something that I have judged as authority in my mind – I will within myself stop and beam all of me into the mind – like taking on battle positions. ‘ End Quote.

Self Forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the “I am always bad” character when and as I am within the presence of someone I have identified within my mind as an Authority, realizing that because I have identified someone else outside of myself as Authority I will always see myself as less than and as Bad within their eyes as I give away my own Authority to Breath and decide who I am for myself in each breathe, realizing that this is a self judgment I have of myself related to past experiences in relation to “authority”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from others within my mind as Authority, instead of seeing and realizing that those that I place as Authority in my mind is about older people that do have more everything than me and that I can learn from, and I realize this isn’t a point of fear of placing someone as more than me making myself less than, this is simply a point of practicality as the person has authority within what I can learn from them till I stand one and equal as them as that Authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a negative experience to the word Authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect Fear/emotion to the word Authority and thus every time someone enters my area/space that I have judges as Authority I go into the connections I have made of I must now be in fear, I must now be in a negative experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am in the presence of someone that I have judges/identified as Authority within my world to belief that I must now be in fear – realizing that I must simply BREATH and not accept and allow the emotions/feeling or the thoughts to influence me but to breathe through it as me and to release myself from it one and equal as I am the creator of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that I must now be within a negative experience of myself when and as someone is within my space that I have judged/identified as Authority within the belief that they have power over me as the negative connection – realizing that I am the only one giving away my authority within such a belief, and that the person is but a support in my world from whom I can learn and this does not make me more or less or a bad person or a good person.

Memory of Authority experience – aged between 3-7

I am playing in the living room – I am doing something – one of my parents ask me to stop, I do not want to - I do not understand why I am just told , don’t, get away, shut up, leave me alone, I am just told to stop. then the parent threatens me with saying – if you do not stop and my partner come home you will have to deal with my partner, I get threatened with words of what might happen. I suddenly stop in the Fear of knowing what that means as a memory activates in that moment of a past experience/event.

the memory is of me not stopping and getting yelled at – when the other parent gets home he/she is told about the event and the words I hear from listening in on the conversation in secret is – he is such a bad kid, he does not listen, he gets on my nerves, he does not stop – I listen on in fear/anxiety within what is said further – He must be punished and he must learn his lesson, you must smack him – the parent comes to me calling my name, I am frightened and Know it is going to happen, I am going to get smacked, as my name is called I start saying – I don’t want to, I start crying and manipulating in my actions to get out of it, the parent does not give in and uses the following words to get me to co-operate – you know I am doing this because I love you, your mother/father said you must stop and you did not, so now I must teach you a lesson, go to the bathroom and close the door and wait for me – I sit in the bathroom awaiting the punishment, the parent went to fetch a Belt to smack me with – I am in fear/anxiety the whole time, the door opens and I am told to turn around – a I turn around I start feeling the leather belt hitting my bum, I get six shots as it is called six of the best. It is done, I am crying and I feel broken, I hate the parent that was the cause of it, not the parent that hit me as I knew - that parent did not want to do it, he/she was told to, just like me.

I am confused with what love means – is love when you hurt someone and beat them up to show them you care? Is love to react and get angry and to then beat the shit out of something till they obey and conform to your ways. Is love when you Harm life because you have some mental issues and need everything else to fit according to your mental problem and doing this is through harming things/others physically, so to love myself I must constantly beat myself up in self hatred and through punishing myself as being bad..

End of Memory.

So I learned that Authority has the power to punish you without even explaining in detail what was happening, what is happening and why and why was it asked of me to stop and to sit still, or to not scream, or to not touch a certain thing in the house, this gets taught to me only when I am older and all the damage was already done through the parents reactions/emotions/feelings instead of breathing and directing situations in common sense in real physical support as to what is here in this physical reality, it is not like a baby is born with the knowledge of what everything is. This should be a basic common sense point.

To be continued on Self Forgiveness.

Day 90 – Anger and Me – Fairness Game Part 3. Commitments

I realize that when ans as I experience unfairness that it is a character that I have created to defend my personality as the mind based on certain beliefs/ideas/opinions/judgment I have accepted/allowed about myself.

I realize that when and as I experience feeling things are unfair that it is a character designed to play/act out on the beliefs/ideas/judgment/opinions I have about myself as self interest within my mind to defend my own created limitations.

I realize that when and as I experience things are unfair that I am only reacting within myself as I am facing my own self created limitations of myself that is based on past experiences as memories as self judgment/beliefs/ideas/opinions and that it is not Who I am within and as the physical but only my mind as energy as an illusion.

I realize that when and as I have any movement within me of fairness/unfairness that it is a character playing out defending my own self created limitations and that is defending the limitations to keep me limited and to not break through the mind barrier that is keeping me enslaved in the cycles of energy.

I realize that when and as I experience unfairness/fairness that it is an experience of the past as a memory, and that what I am experiencing is in fact only a memory as another character of the past and that it is not real within what is actually in fact happening in real time in and as the physical.

I realize that when and as I experience fairness/unfairness that it is a decision I make within me to experience.

I realize that when and as I experience fairness/unfairness that it is a experience that I already decided beforehand before the event happened based on my back chat/comparisons within my reality to have, realizing that I deliberate created the experience for myself and how I am going to experience myself in the future in certain events.

Thus I realize that I am not living in the present as breathe but as the mind within and as memory as characters that only exist to defend the past, never allowing me to change and to birth myself as life, as the characters only want to keep the energy experience they gain from the anger/self righteousness and the fairness and unfairness. 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself experiencing unfairness to stop and to breathe and to realize that what I am experiencing as unfair is but only an idea/belief/perception/opinion/judgment of myself and that it is not in fact so and that I can stop and re-birth myself in the breath as a new to live differently as that which is best for all life.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into a mindset of back chat about fairness and unfairness that generates anger within me, to stop and realize that I am literally creating the anger within myself by myself through thinking and gossiping about fairness/unfairness within my mind, and to stop and breathe and move myself within and as the physical, as that which is best for all life. 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself react when someone asks me to do something for them to stop and to breathe and to look within myself and why I am reacting, to realize that the reaction is only within my mind within me, thus it is indicating to me that I have participated in back chat as the mind within comparison within my world within self interest, only defending my own limitations.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself participating within the emotion of feeling that things in my world is unfair, to stop and breathe and to realize that it isnt helping me or changing what I am doing at all, and to realize that it is in fact only compromising me and creating an experience for myself that is not enjoyable.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself participating within a experience of energy of fairness/unfairness to stop and to bring myself back to the physical experience as breathe as that which is real and to not give into the thoughts/back chat that I create and to move4 myself within and as the physical as being fair myself to change and live what is best for all life and stop all self imposed limitations and enslavement as the mind/past/memories

Day 86 – deliberate self dishonety Part 1.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and hide my inner world from myself to pretend in character that I am fine, I have no problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character a face that hides what is going on inside of me just so that others may not see it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide what I know of myself as my current truth from myself through pretending and playing many characters and roles daily just not to face who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/exist as, as the mind as energy as feelings as emotions as thoughts that are within self interest and not what is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge emotions as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad when I have emotions, realizing that it is not to judge but to be self honest within what I am experiencing and to look is what I am experiencing real or not is it what is best for all life or not, and to take self responsibility for what I experience and allow to influence my life and so all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge feelings as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge having feelings as bad, realizing that it is not to judge but to be self honest within what I am experiencing and to look is what I am experiencing real or not, is it what is vest for all life in all ways or not, and to take self responsibility for what I experience and allow to influence my life and so all life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am a bad person for what goes on within me, realizing that I am only compromising myself to face the point and letting go and to rebirth myself as life as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being exposed as bad, realizing that as long as I judge myself as bad in life, in the things I am capable of doing and not that I will always remain within my own judgment and thus live it as that and that I am responsible for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I can stop what I experience in breathe, as breathe is real as the physical as the flesh.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide all that I experience from myself and also to hope to hide what I experience within me from others to not be questioned what goes on in my inner reality as I know that once I have to admit what I accept and allow to exist within my world is not necessary and that I am dishonest with myself within change and applying myself, and thus I try and hide to not to have to face what I already know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create many/multiple characters that smile and wave and that play a role during the day that pretend everything will just go away just not to face myself, my inner reality that is not equal and one with the real reality as the physical as my body the flesh.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on, to create many characters for myself that I act within and play out in certain roles just to not to have to face the actual reality as the mess that I have created for myself and the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking as no character as this will reveal to me what has always been here as the physical as reality and that I must take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in self dishonesty within putting on many characters during my days as if I am fine, I am good, I am working on myself face, yet knowing I know what I must work and yet do not do it, creating many excuses to why and how, thus I play the many characters because I know when I am questioned I will only face myself and what I am doing that I know I should not be doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play characters everyday as if I am fine, I am fucking amazing, I am so busy, I can not get to everything, I am doing my best, yet I know when I have the time and the money I do not what I know I must do, and thus I pretend so that I do not have to show my evil actions of being deliberate in what I am not doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deliberately dishonest with myself and life within my application in doing what is best for all life though making deliberate decisions to not do certain things in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that what I hide as the fear within me to be exposed, it that created of being deliberately dishonest within my life, where I know I am not applying myself and yet not doing anything, knowing my weaknesses and not strengthening them for what is best for all life, knowing what I must do and how and yet I do not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create deliberate consequences that I know will come and that I can see how I am creating them within my life and all life and yet I deliberately decide to not change and not do it, or do anything about it, knowing it will take time patience and consistency and yet not starting, not applying, and thus sabotaging myself completely.

To be continued.

Day 84 – My Personal Army of Characters – Mean character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be mean towards someone or something just because I feel they are being stupid.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a mean character that blames and gives fault to others when I know I am the broken one. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a mean character that chases other people away or other living beings just so that I do not have to face myself as a broken character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a mean character that will step in and take action when I feel I am being attacked or personally invaded to defend what I a hiding within myself as a broken character.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have created an army of characters to defend a character that is hiding from facing myself as being broken and not whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attack others when they are pushing the right buttons where the weak/broken character is revealed and so the mean character steps in to avoid and defend the weak point. Thus accepting and allowing the weakness to remain and thus the character.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the mean character requires the weak and broken character to exist as it gives the mean character purpose and energy to exist, realizing that as long as I give into the mean character to defend my self interest and weak points I can never grow and strengthen my weaknesses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be mean to other people just to make them seem like the problem, when it is obvious to myself that I am the problem as I reacted and had to use a mean character to handle the situation instead of me self honestly facing the point in breathe as change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as the mean character give power to the mean character to play out in my life where I as the character keep myself enslaved to beliefs of myself as being weak or broken and thus never changing for what is best for all life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I am mean I am acting in the moment in character as a response to defend something within me and that it has nothing to do with the other person, and thus I only create more regret and shame for myself as I was playing a role within my mind as a fake character that does not consider LIFE or other beings. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the role of the character of meanness within ignorance to what is behind the role and the character and not considering the physical play-outs of such character that is only defending self interest and not standing as what is best for all life in all ways. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I am the creator of such character that will go to war to protect it’s self interest for no real good reason but a experience of self based on judgments of self and opinions that self has accepted and allowed to influence self, and thus it is to take self responsibility for myself within self honesty as that which is best for all life in all ways. 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself playing a role and not breathing and and as the physical, to stop and breathe and to direct myself as what is best for all life in all ways and let no self interest come out and play as it isn't real.

I commit myself to write and explore this point of playing roles and multiple characters of illusions and to take it apart as the creator of it. 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself playing a character to remind myself it isnt real and I can simply stop and breathe and realize what is real here in and as the physical one and equal as me.

Day 83 – my own personal Army of Character Part 1 - Irritation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get Irritated when someone reminds me of things I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character for when I am irritated to defend my self interest as a personal soldier for my army of multiple characters, giving away my power and ability to handle and deal with myself and what I have created within and as me and this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated with myself when someone reminds me of something I have to do or forgot.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when someone is reminding me of something I have to do I am in fact only irritated with myself for not breathing, for not being here and participating within and as the physical/the real reality within the flesh.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have created a character that acts a certain way when someone reminds me of something I have to do or forgot to do and that this character is only to defend my self interest and limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that defend my limitation and self interest  just not to seem/show that I do forget things as If I am incapable of forgetting. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have created a character of being irritated when someone reminds me of something I have forgotten or forgot to do based on a self judgment of myself as being incapable of remembering to do things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being incapable of being here in the present as breath within and as the flesh where no memory is needed to do things as only characters rely on memory and the past to exist as the personality.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I react to someone reminding me of something I forgot to do or forgot that I activate the character of being irritated within self righteousness to play the role to defend the personality as self interest to not change and take self responsibility in and as the flesh.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I created characters to only defend my own self interest and limitations and to never change, within the belief that I can not change, not realizing that it is the character that keeps me from changing in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see and recognize characters when they come into play as I have accepted and allowed myself to see characters as being normal and part of life – realizing that characters are not life but an illusion defending self interest and limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create multiple characters as me as having my own army that will always defend me and my self interest all ways even in the face of world destruction. Realizing the stupidity.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I play the character of being irritated I am accessing memory of the past where the character was created from the experience to defend itself, realizing that when I do this I place the past on the present and thus never really living life but only repeating the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am only existing as multiple characters that exist as memory and that each character has its own memories and thoughts ad that it is all based, created of the past and that each and every time I access a character I am only reliving the past, unable to create a new future that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that my characters are activated with opinions as opinions are that which feeds the character and gives it purpose to exist and that it is acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to opinionated my own characters within my mind as back chat to keep them alive, realizing that as long as I participate within back chat and thoughts I am only keeping the illusion of myself as characters alive never seeing Who I am as the flesh and only time looping living in the past as opinionated characters.

To be continued. ....