Day 188 – Spiritualism and Me - Commitments

Day 182 - The Day I said Fuck Spiritualism 
Day 183 - Spiritualism and Me Part 1
Day 184 - Spiritualism and Me Part 2 

Day 185 - Spiritualism and Me Part 3
Day 186 - Spiritualism and me, the Broken Character Part 4
Day 187 - Spiritualism and Me the Broken Character Part 5

I commit myself to show that Love and Light as Spiritualism isnt a solution as the physical facts here one earth shows that to Us All Equally within what is here.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself Believing that Spiritualism is the solution to life, to stop and to be real with myself through seeing what is here in Fact as the physical that we all share and to see the obvious that spiritualism isnt here in fact as not even two people can confirm the same within spiritualism.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself giving into the attraction of spiritualism as a solution to life to stop and see that I am no better than a moth flying towards a light, following and energetic feeling instead of what is here as the physical.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself deceiving myself that Love and Light is a solution to the world and the problems that is here, to stop and to be self honest within using common sense – that Love and Light as Spiritualism has had Thousands of Years on the planet to prove itself as the solution to life here on earth to create a life that is best for All LIFE, and yet in FACT everything has only worsen to where we have literally HELL on earth for almost all life on earth.

I commit myself to when and as I belief that Spiritualism is a solution to life to stop and be self honest within what is here – to see that Spiritualism isnt a solution for all life as it is only designed for Humans and the self interest of humans and can not/does not include all life such as the animals and plants and all that is here as the physical.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself participate within and as a energy feeling/emotion of that there must be something spiritual out there and that I must be looking at what it is, to see that I am running from what is right here in front of me and facing what I have accepted and allowed to exist/create in this world.

I commit myself to show that Love and light as Spiritualism is a product of Capitalism where the idea of a Better life somewhere else is sold to people so that they do not have to look and fix at what is here in the physical reality so that those who make billions may continue doing so without any distractions.

I commit myself to show that those that do fall for the trap of spiritualism like myself DO want to make a better world for all but did/do not know of any other way as another alternative and a solution of how to change things here in this reality and thus FALL for the first thing that seems promising, and to show that there is a real solution this life with the Desteni message and applying and LIVING it as what is best for all Life with the Equal Money system solution as a new monetary system designed and based on what is best for all lfe within the mathematical physical equation of 1+1=2.

I commit myself to support and assist others within seeing and realizing that spiritualism inst a solution through using common sense and showing self honesty to them as I have seen and realized it for myself one and equal.

I commit myself to stand as the solution this LIFE that is real and best for all life within exposing love and light as spiritualism for what it is as a Consumerism Product of a capitalistic system of Greed and self interest where Feelings and emotions and the mind is used as the product to manipulate and deceive due to people not understanding the basic functions of feelings/emotions/thoughts and where they come from and how they are created and thus it it is always open for abuse and to be used to mind control people and brainwash people to belief anything by simply manipulating the thoughts/feelings/emotions of people.

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Day 187 – Spiritualism and Me – The Broken Character Part 5

Day 182 - The Day I said Fuck Spiritualism 
Day 183 - Spiritualism and Me Part 1
Day 184 - Spiritualism and Me Part 2 

Day 185 - Spiritualism and Me Part 3
Day 186 - Spiritualism and me, the Broken Character Part 4

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that spiritualism is a Product of Capitalism targeting Broken characters, as spiritualism is only an option for those who have judged themselves as less than and in need of something they do not have as a lack of something, thus spiritualism is the product that sells fulfillment to Broken characters in a broken world, keeping the characters in a paralyzed state of ever changing and fixing the world for real as the fear is too much, to lose that which I/they Belief now fulfills me/them and completes me/them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I was a broken character as a child seeking attention and love and instead I got the cold shoulder and in turn I started seeking ways to not feel broken or that I am missing something, seeing that spiritualism later on in my life became the ultimate sales pitch that I fell for as it was promising a FIX and that I could fix myself with spiritualism and do not require others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that spiritualism is the Product I fell for because It promised me a fix to my peculiar problem - as I judged myself as a broken character due to how I have judged past experiences where I did not get attention or love or happiness from others and here is this Product called spiritualism that gives me all that i never got and fear not having such as validation/love/happiness in a Broken world and It is a DIY system. It is easy and convenient because I did not have to do anything and still be happy even if the world was burning around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see ad realize that I fell for the Product of spiritualism as it was/is a product that each one can abuse/use as they please and that there was no set principals and thus could use it and train myself in the product to become a great manipulator in that which I Fear never having such as love and happiness and joy and to always get it through making myself special and seem more than others and unique and wise and thus get Love and attention and happiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I fell for spiritualism because I saw it was bullshit and that I could use it to my own self interest and agendas for getting attention and validation and eventually SEX and MONEY as that is to where all points lead.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my true motivations from myself of that first time I decided to become spiritual and to then forget the secret motivations and agendas as to deceive myself to be effective in the deception of love and light to attain those secret motivations and agendas such as getting SEX and Money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that spiritualism is a lie and that it is made up within the understanding that Life on earth is fucked up and that there is a solution required but No one is willing to in fact change and thus spiritualism is the way to hide as it takes self responsibility and the fact away and leave it for the children to come to deal with as everyone now believe life only starts after death due to believing in things we make up and cannot see.
To be continued.

Day 186 – Spiritualism and Me as the broken character Part 4.

A cool point in relation to spiritualism opened up for me tonight, I was talking to a couple of people about the past and about grandparents and their history and how their lives was, and then as we talked a memory opened up about my grandparents and then about me.

My grandfather had a gift when he was still alive according to what I was told he could speak with ghosts and he could see things happening before they happened, he could for instance walk into a house and then he would say someone here will die in a week’s time and then it would happen – this was part of the pre – programming design where some people could see the pre-programming, part of the enslavement.

In my family we were three boys and then the parents, from my mother’s side my grandfather had this ability and my Mother believed herself to have the six sense ability, dreaming stuff and feeling bad things will happen and then it happens, I remember as a boy how these stories was told and how I would always find them very attractive as it was out of the ordinary and “special” because no one I knew directly could speak with ghosts and greet them and see who is going to die and when and stuff like that.

Back then it wasn’t yet defined within me as being spiritual, it was simply what people could do – and as a young kid I wanted to have these abilities, because of the way the Adults told the stories and how they improvised on them and how it was given value in the words and mannerisms in telling the stories, I wanted people to talk about me like that.

This took place in my childhood years between 0 and 12, I remember my mother being curious if one of her children would have gotten the gifts or the “six sense as what her Father had, I mean - if one of us did have this gift we would have been accepted and valued in our mothers eyes and be loved even more and be special – this is what any kid wants from his/her mother at that age and to be special and out of the ordinary makes it even better, as we have been brainwashed to define ourselves according to other people and how they see us.

I started questioning myself and if I do have these gifts or the six senses, because the possibility was here as my grandfather had it so I can have it through genetics. I then started wanting to have these gifts; I started forcing myself to create things that aren’t here.

For instance – this one time my brother had a dream and he went and told my mother about the dream, because the dream scared him, I overheard the dream from around the corner of the living room, I then afterwards went to my mother and told her about a dream I had, and this dream was exactly the same as my brother, but I obviously pretended to not know about my brothers dream, because this would have given my mother the impression that I have the six sense ability and can dream what others dream LOL.

I started to develop myself in such a way where I would manipulate others into believing what I am saying as being genuine and true – another example with my older brother is – I one day over heard my brother talking to my mother and father about a thing that he was experiencing, my brother was quite emotional and he projected the emotions as being other people’s emotions, he wasn’t aware of it back then, but he told my parents that he could feel other people’s emotions when he is around them and that he cannot handle it and does not know what to do within it and he cried, I was sitting on the stairs over hearing the conversation once again in secret – then later that day as the little manipulator that I was creating myself to be. to be loved and get attention and acceptance and validation from my mother – I went to my mother and I stood in front of her and I said, mom I have this thing, I can feel other people’s emotions and feelings that they have inside of them, I can feel when someone is sad or angry or in fear, my mother stared on at me and I was awaiting that moment of being validated as being special, it did not happen because it was quite obvious what I was doing lol.

I noticed that it wasn’t working and I wasn’t getting anywhere - My mother wasn’t approving of me and I wasn’t getting to be special, because what do I know what someone is special, they get to be happy and everyone gets to love them and they can live a life of acceptance, so I wanted that.

I tried a new approach, this was through my dad and then my mother, I remember one night driving with my dad from the city to our small village we were living in, the road we were driving on was very wobbly, meaning it was up hill and then downhill, so for a moment when you are up on the hill you can see what is coming from the other side and then for a minute or so downhill you cant, I saw this as a perfect opportunity to manipulate my father into believing I can see/feel things happening in the future.

So what I did was – as we drove I could see my dad was distracted from a long day of hard work and frustration – as I sat next to him I looked at him and I said, dad I have something to tell you, I have had this for a while now but haven’t shared it with anyone because I feel it makes me weird, my dad said – Gian you can tell me anything I will always listen, I ten told my dad, I can “feel” things inside of me that still has to happen or come to past, my dad said, okay can you explain it a bit more to me?

I knew in using the word “feel” I can get away with anything, because no one understands feeling and emotions and how it is created or how it functions so using the word feel makes it all more powerful as it must mean something DEEP and special and un explainable - lol till you study Desteni.

And Then I told my dad – let me demonstrate to you what I mean – as we are on this wobbly road I knew I could simply when we are on top of the hill see how many cars are coming from afar and count them and then as we go downhill we won’t see them again till they pass us, so I told my dad okay, I can right now feel that there are three cars coming and that they will pass us. My dad said okay let’s see – and a few seconds later three cars passed us, My dad was amazed and he actually believed me – well it seemed that way anyway.

I used this moment to upgrade my skill in manipulating and how to do it and develop it to get to the point where It can seem real and I can be special.
To be continued.

Day 185 – Spiritualism and Me Part 3.

Day 182 - The Day I said Fuck Spiritualism 
Day 183 - Spiritualism and Me Part 1
Day 184 - Spiritualism and Me Part 2 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HIDE behind the light so that all I see is light and do not have to look at what is HERE as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLIND myself with the light concept within spiritualism where the light is the positive and the good, only seeing the light as positive and good I am abdicating my actual responsibility to be able to respond to what is here on EARTH as the physical in my physical application to fix/correct what is here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see what is going on in the world and that it is ABUSE of LIFE and to within this Fear what is Here and instead of correcting and fixing what is here give into the fear and Hide in the light so that I do not have to see anymore, not realizing that if I have to ever stop looking into the bright light that blinds my sight that the consequences will only have worsen and that it will be inevitable for me to face these consequences, thus I see and realize I must stop participating in spiritualism as me Hiding from the truth here as the physical and Start immediately on fixing/correcting what is here and take full self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that The only motivation for participating in spiritualism as the love and light concepts is from FEAR, because I see and realize within my self- honesty that only because FEAR exists can love and light exist as there would not have been any other purpose for love and light but to Hide from fear as the opposite of fear which is LOVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Hide in fear of what is Here as Life on EARTH as we have and are creating is as within participating in the one and only thing that can be used successfully to deceive self to belief that everything will be okay and that is Spiritualism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I participate within spiritualism as Love and LIGHT and positivity that I have already within such a decision decided that FEAR wins and therefore love and light is required.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to stop participating within spiritualism as the fear of Losing LOVE and having to actually face what I have created on earth as a co-creator of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as something such as spiritualism is required to solve problems that the problem has already WON and that those who participate within spiritualism is only confirming the problem to be too big to fix as the alternative solution as Love and Light as spiritualism is of a alternate reality that isn’t real which indicates running away and Hiding, seeing and realizing that it is within such actions that the problem only escalates and become bigger as consequences as all will instead go for the easy way as spiritualism and thus no one is actually in fact solving the problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that IF People and myself INSTEAD solve problems on earth and fix what we have accepted and allowed to exist and create that a thing such as spiritualism would have no purpose or value or meaning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I use /spend my money and time on fixing and correcting our Planet and creating a world that is BEST for all LIFE instead of using it on crap such as spiritualism where you invest in something that is Utterly insane and none existent that a real change WILL happen that is true transcendence and a new world that is best for all such as the Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that spiritualism is ONLY existent within the mind and that it cannot exist without the physical body and thus it is more than enough evidence that all can confirm equally within applying basic math of 1+1=2 as the physical that it is not Real and only made belief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as long as I fear negativity as the opposite of positivity as Love and Light that I will never be able to in FACT change a single things in this reality, as I see and realize that Negativity is where one must go to see the problem first and then to solve it to that which is best for all life and not as a positive good thing as that would only require the negative again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLIND myself of the Obvious FACT that to participate within Positivity as love and light I must support all that is evil and negative for me to be able to be positive otherwise I will not know what positive is, and thus I see and realize I must stop this abuse of the polarity game and stand as that which is best for all life which is a physical equation and not based on a feeling or emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to participate within Positivity as love and light as spiritualism that I want the negative to be more negative and worse as this is a great opportunity for me to be even more fucking special and make money out of spiritualism, because as the world gets more shit and fucked up more and more people will seek positivity and thus I can make money from being positive as I will sell it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not seeing and realize that Spiritualism is a buy product of greed as capitalism, because if spiritualism was the Real answer in fact within the context of how it is presented as being able to help people with thoughts and sending out light and positivity then no products would have ever have had to be made and the world should have been heaven one earth, yet it isn’t, it is in reverse and spiritualism is only a thing that some can afford with money to buy the products as it is simply a SCAM that all who wants to do good but do not have an alternative will fall for.

To be continued.

Day 184 – Spiritualism and Me Part 2

Continuation of: 

Day 182 – The Day I said F*** Spiritualism.

Day 183 – Spiritualism and Me Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within spiritualism because I saw that it serves self interest and is easy, not seeing and realizing that as spiritualism promotes self interest to the ultimate degree - that is Greed and the very thing that is the cause of almost all suffering on earth, and through me participating within spiritualism as love and light and believing in a spiritual realm and others things that distract me and all those I poison with spiritualism from the physical reality and to do something real to change the world to a place that is best for all life that I am the cause of the world spiraling to its destruction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Go for spiritualism because I saw it was easy and that no real change was required in fact, but only me having to built more characters that can pretend to be something else and be special and feel good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Hide the fact that I knew when I participated in spiritualism that it wasn’t working and wasn’t real because I had to always pretend and act and make it all up, yet I would promote it as truth and real for others just so that i can give the impression it is working for me and thus it must mean I am special and seeking that within others and for them to recognize it as I lie to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Lie to other beings about spiritualism and all that it includes as LOA and the white light and Reiki and Crustal healing and astral traveling and spiritual communication and that I was able to do some of those things just be feel special and to within that built a Lie of myself in others eyes that I fear breaking through telling them the truth as it will reveal the true me as a Liar and a deceptive cunt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Play with other human beings and their lives through Lying to them about my spiritual experiences and making them feel like they are missing out and that there is something more to life that they are missing and thus they are not as good as me as I have had these experiences first hand yet knowing it is a full on LIE in their faces just to get a kick out of to feel good about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enforce all myself judgments and insecurities and fears of myself through participating in something that promotes the opposite as a solution, not seeing and realizing that the more I participated within the opposite side as spiritualism as happiness and feeling good and being enlightened that I was in the polarity side in secret in my mind only enforcing the negative as the positive requires the negative to exist and so only make myself feel more insecure, more fearful and more depressed as I felt more and more like this I had to make myself belief that I was getting happier and happier and achieving more and more spiritual things to suppress the secret inner world of myself, never solving anything but only enforcing ignorance and bliss while the world shows the true nature of what I was enforcing as everything getting worse and worse and more suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that spiritualism is a solution when and as I can see with the physical evidence that is here for all to see equally and confirm that in the thousands of years that spiritualism has had its chance to change the world to a place that is best for all life – that life on earth has only gotten way worse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that spiritualism is a product that is sold to people so that money can be made, since it promotes happiness and bliss that which everyone wants in life it is like a fly trap and very easy to get trapped with as it only requires gullible people to make it work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if spiritualism was real then no one had to teach me about it, and that if spiritualism was real then I would have known about if from birth as a part of who I am, yet spiritualism is something that has to be taught and practiced for decades with no results as it requires people to constantly be in the mind keeping it alive never in fact becoming a living state as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I was born that all that was/is here is the physical and no one had to teach me about it or show it to me or give me teachings from ancient times so that I could understand it, as I am the physical in fact and can be confirmed by all equally and myself, and thus as this is proof that what is here is being ignored and neglected through giving value and attention to something irrational in the minds of people in search for more just so that people do not have to face what is actually required to change this world to a place that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all the time I spend in my mind in attempting and trying to make spiritualism real – I could have made a real impact in that same time on what IS HERE and is REAL s the physical and create a better world for all.
To be continued.

Day 183 – Spiritualism and Me Part 1

Day 182 – The Day I said F*** Spiritualism

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deceived by the love and light movement as a solution to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is possible to change the world and end all the suffering that is only osculating in the world through love and light.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself to belief that if I am positive and it I am only sending love out to the world that it will change the world, not seeing the obvious that it is only to make me feel better about myself that I am not in fact changing the world and doing something and that my actions can be justified in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I send out everyday a bit of love and light into the world that my daily work for changing the world is done and I can now only feel good, realizing that I only did that from the starting point of feeling good and not in fact to help anyone or anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within making myself belief that if I change nothing of myself as Who I am and how I live as what I do but only send out love and light with my mind into projection in my mind that it will change the world, not seeing how reality in fact functions as me having to actually physically change and move myself to bring change for the rest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through participating in love and light KILL and murder all common sense within me through giving love and light more value and weight than the actuality of how the physical work and functions and what is needed to be done to get things changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself and to admit to myself that the first time I started participating within love and light I was excited and wanted to change the world but after a while I saw it did not work and I was disappointed but instead of standing up and saying Love and light is bullshit I continued in the fear of what others will say about me when I suddenly quite and say the opposite of what I imposed of myself to be in their eyes as love and light.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear admitting that Love and Light does not work and that I found this out for myself when and as I practiced love and light after a while and Nothing changed, the only thing tat did change was I was now more able/capable of deceiving myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue pretending that love and light does work after I found out for myself it is bullshit and does not work in the fear of what others will think of me and what will happen to my reputation I built as a love and light worker.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping to pretend that love and light works even as the world clearly shows everything is only getting worse, as I fear that when I admit I was wrong that I will be held accountable for only being part of the problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within spiritualism as love and light in the attempt to be special and unique, because I know and realized that love and light can be bent to any persons onw self interest as it isn’t real and thus I knew I could use love and light to justify everything about myself and make it all seem as if it is something special and thus not having to change it or myself as I could simply use love and light to justify everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use spiritualism as a weapon and tool to only serve my own happiness where I could always win in why my happiness is more important then others as I could simply say things like “if I am happy and positive I will effect the universe and so everyone will become happy and the world would change” knowing that because it sounds so fucking nice and easy anyone will simply agree with me and I win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use spiritualism as a weapon to always win where I can keep my lifestyle and do not have to change anything while I promote it as a solution, knowing that it is only a solution to my life as it makes everyone around me accept and allow my life style of bliss and happiness as I know it isn’t real and can simply be bent and molded to make everyone I tell about my justifications and reasons for being happy and blissfully to somehow be the best for all as it obviously isn’t.

Day 182 – The Day I said F*** Spiritualism.

Day 182 – The Day I said F*** Spiritualism.

I used to like spiritualism stuff, like Reiki where you can heal yourself and others and transfer energy and where you work with crystals and all the things that is different from the rest of society that makes you feel like you are a good person, because I always just wanted to be a good person, so I went for the first thing that was like the ultimate thing of good, the light and the helping of others and Love and all the good stuff when I was about 16 and 17 years old.

I was into past life’s and chakras and I did a bit of research on it, not much as I was getting most of my info from my mother, I hated reading so I never cared to read up on spiritualism much, I took my mother’s words for it.

So for a while I was testing out everything I could with Reiki and healing myself, I got into a bike accident and I started applying Reiki on the wounds, it did not work but I someone how after a couple of months made myself belief that the Reiki made it work faster, It did not.

I wanted to go to Reiki schools where I could learn to become better and heal others with the white light and myself and correct the negative and make it positive.

I used to stand with a crystal on a rope in the living room and I would check my energy and where there are bad spots, when the crystal moves a certain direction it either says no or yes, when it says yes you clean the negative spot of your energy by making rubbing movements in the area, almost like cleaning a Windom.

I used to belief that I was an elemental creature from the spiritual realm that incarnated into this world to justify to myself why I wasn’t fitting in or why I was a bit different from the rest, just to feel extra special and to feel some comfort to why I was insecure.

I believed in aliens and that they were more enlightened than us and that they were waiting for us to be on their level spiritually before they would interact with us and help us, I used to wait at nights for them in my room to just come and communicate with me, I even tried to communicate with them, no different that how I communicated with god, through talking to myself LOL.

I used to place crystals on my chakras to clear them up and I even tried to unlock my extra chakra, I tried/forced myself to see peoples auroras and the colors, when I really just made it up, because I knew I could make it up and tell people I have the gift now and that they have a certain color aurora and that a certain color means something and about them, so that I could manipulate people and feel needed and special.

I used to meditate and think about different realities and other thing that had nothing to do with the real world here just because I was board and really needed something else to do.

After a year or so I said to myself – Ok I have been busy with all these things for a while now, I have done as people say and I have applied the techniques and so forth, and all I have achieved with spiritualism thus far was how to pretend very well.

So I took a book one day to read – I could not remember what the books name was but it was blue and had a Flower of Life symbol on it of some kind, it was quite a square book. Inside the book the person talked about aliens and spiritualism, this person had made a discovery on how to unlock our full potential as human beings through meditation y looking at how spaceships were created by aliens and how they run them.

This guy basically talked about how we have a energy field around us that is like the shape of an alien spaceship running through the head and feet outwards and creating spinning energy field, and that he has discovered a way to meditate to unlock this energy fields and its potential and then how to use it.
Basically you sit down in the meditation position and you place your arms on the knees and you hold with your indication fingers the thumbs while all the other fingers show upwards.

Now this meditation requires one to breathe slowly and deeply, the whole meditation process to unlocking your energy field works in a 13 breathe count, and as you breathe and count you move all your fingers onto your thumb while counting to thirteen and then as you do this you should unlock your potential.

I was really going for this, I said to myself today is the day I will have a breakthrough, I cannot pretend my life away that spiritualism works, today it must work, and I sat down and I started applying this method of meditation to unlock my energy field around me and to expand it and to be able to use it, I placed my whole boringness into this, there was no mistake about it.

As I started I count and I breathed and I moved my fingers accordingly, and after a very long period of time I ended it, it was done, I stood up and I opened my eyes and I believed, I visualized and I fucking knew it was going to be the day I see some results, and there was a bit NOTHING, I took the book and I placed it down on the table and I walked away and that was it, I never participated in spiritualism again, I realized in that split second that it was going to be like that forever and that it isn’t real, it is bullshit, I already wasted one year of my life. FUCK IT, time to get real and here I am with Desteni and the Equal Money System – now this it fucking Real. Find out and visit the sites.

www.equalmoney.org
www.desteni.org

Day 181 – Memories the present kept imprisoned in the cells

continuation of Day 180

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give any and all memories value and that they mean something and that they are special, not seeing and realizing that memories is simply the past and nothing more, and the past isn’t here unless I re-create the past through participating in memories and thus never moving forward and living life but only rewinding and replaying like a broken record.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how ridiculous it is to hold onto memories that only I have in my head and that I can see/look at and play with as if it is real and wasting time and only distracting myself from what is here as reality and to make myself a slave to the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Trap the present in memories as prisons of pictures with energetic charges so that when and as I visit the prison cells as the memories are stored in the body in the cells, I can simply call the prisoner by its name and I will get a visitor/memory from the past that is either good or bad and I will get my energetic High from visiting the memory for a moment and then lock the memory back up, not seeing and realizing that I am over populating my prison and keeping it full – which cost energy and time and maintenance, instead of living here in and as the physical where everything is always here and no memory needed and thus no prison and not energy/costs/maintenance/time. And also not carrying the prison cells of memories with me everywhere I go is like taking a mountain of my back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I must fear letting go of memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I must hold on to memories for some mental reason that has no actual physical practicality except for keeping us all in the past and repeating the past through living in memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to ALWAYS make memories more than the present, not seeing and realizing that within this I am making life shit for myself as I constantly compare the present with past memories and the memories will always win as if I am in a contest with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as long as I hold onto the past and memories and energetic experiences of positive and negative that I am subject to those energies as I give them value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as long as I connect energy such as feelings/emotions that it can and will be used against me either for positive or negative and that I will be directed by the memory and fall for the trap of re-creating the past, instead of breathing and self directing.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself speaking or telling a story to someone to stop when and as I see that I am doing so from the starting point of praising the past.

I commit myself to when and as someone brings up the past to use it against me as my actions and words from the past to serve their self interest as their starting point for doing so, to realize that as long as I give the past value and an energetic charge then I will be impulse/moved and not be able to stand and breathe in the present here stable as what is here and to not be manipulated and controlled by the past as the past is within the past and NOT who I am unless I decide so, seeing and realizing that memories are only limitation and control and enslavement of the mind.

I commit myself to investigate this point more and to follow up on this point to write it more specific in the future with an actual event to give as context.

Day 180 - Defining myself as the past Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the past against myself when and as I talk about past events that I have judged as negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I share past events with people to do it from the starting point of trying to share a part of who I belief I am to get approval/recognition from others as my past, not seeing and realizing that through this I am limiting myself and enslaving myself to the past as I place my past as a certain energy within others which then creates the feeling that I must now live as my past to make what I shared true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that when I am sharing my past with another being that I must do so with feelings and emotions to re-create the experience for the other to experience and to within this lock myself as the experience as the past and actual identifying and deciding who I am as the past in that moment, thus enslaving myself and limiting myself to the past through others eyes as the Ideas I have created within them as who I was in the present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I speak/share about certain past events that I have judged as negative/bad with another to not see and realize that within such a pact I physically take on the experience and only tell/confirm with myself that it is who I am and so repeat/time loop the past, instead of seeing and realizing that I am Here and the past is the past and to share the past must be done within self forgiveness and to let go so that the energy isnt transferred and corrupting myself and another if gullible, and to share from the starting point of what is best for all life in all ways as a physical sharing and not an energetic sharing that is like a poison to self and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge certain past events as negative and others as positive and tow within this Identify myself as the negative and positive energetic signatures based on past memories/events/experiences and to re-create the past as myself instead of correcting myself as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I talk about certain past events to attack a negative judgment to it, instead of speaking/talking about it as the past as what it is and to not re-create it here in the present as who I am, seeing and realizing that it isn’t to separate self from the past but to stand one and equal as the past without any judgments as positive or negative judgments and to within this learn from the past and correct self to live that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to share the good/positive stories of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to only have good memories so that I can only identify myself as the good memories, not seeing and realizing that for me to have judged certain memories as good I must already have judged other memories as bad, and thus when and as I desire to only identify myself as the good memories I already within implication identify myself as the bad memories as they are both supporting one another and thus enslaving myself within a constant battle of good versus evil as the past within me and thus creating an identification crisis, seeing and realizing that it is to self forgive the past as all memories and to remove all energetic charges from memories and to give to oneself what is here in and as the physical as breathe where Who I am is decided in each and every moment and not determined or limited or a slave to the past as memories, and to within this see and realize that who I am in all ways have always been LIFE as the physical here and that I have been/am hiding in memories to avoid facing the reality of what is here as Who I am as the reality of what is here and to take self responsibility and change to that which is best for all life in all ways.

To be continued.

Day 179 - The Salesmen in my Head Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am in the Mall/shops to fear that I will forget to buy something that I might need, seeing and realizing that as I walk around with this fear I will look at everything in the shops from the starting point of fear that I might be forgetting to get it and to within this create everything in the Mall/Shops as stuff that I need/require, not seeing and realizing that this is a irrational fear that is programmed into me from society and the Media as a child where I have always been conditioned with needing stuff that isnt really needed, as I can see that ancient people from long ago could live with barely anything we have today and still here we are, so why the fuck do we suddenly need more shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by irrational fear of LOSS when and as I am in the mall/shops.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am in the mall to condition myself with rituals and patterns of buying stuff such as sweets/drinks/foods and other things within the Idea that going to the mall means MY TIME and within my time I deserve stuff for me, not seeing and realizing that this behavior accumulates at the end of each month where I would end up spending a shit load of money without noticing it, and to within this also not see that I ma in fact contributing to the destruction of nature as everything in the Malls/shops comes from the nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am at the mall/shops spend my money on random crap just because I have the Idea that it is my hard earned money and I MUST therefore spend the money on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am within what I am buying and spending my money on voting for a world that does not support a life that is best for all life, and that this behavior is psychoanalytically as I have no regard for all life but only my own and how I experience myself when I spend money on senseless shit that was made with no purpose but to make money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Blindly spend money every time I am at the mall on the impulses that surrounds me as the shops are the temptations and to lead myself into temptation through participating in internal conversations/backchat and to always convince myself to why I need to buy it or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my basics needs as a Human is really simplistic such as food/water/housing and that basic foods that support my body and water that support my body and a well functioning home that support me is all that is required and anything more is all self created beliefs of brainwashing and mindlessness behavior that was/is deliberate used by corporations to make billions and support a world of inequality and where our planet is raped for these needs/behaviors/patterns of each being voting for it all when purchased.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I buy something to not question my starting point as who I am within buying the product and if what I am buying is in fact real or just a energy satisfactory point of the mind that drains my wallet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am about to buy something to not question my motivations and why I am buying it, seeing and realizing that if I am buying something that isn’t necessary or in fact part of my survival that it is me being a brainwashed zombie following an energy feeling/emotion to satisfy something that isn’t real, and to not see and realize that this is how money disappears and how I get addicted to spending money on shit just to feel good for a moment and then my house/room is in a year of two full of crap and wasted, and to within this not see the GLOBAL effect it has on out one and only planet as this happens in billions of homes and then the shit get thrown away and ends up in our oceans and our soil and kills of billions of Life forms and that more must be made which requires more raping of our planet to take place just for that one moment we Feel like buying something instead of buying things that is in FACT required that is relevant to LIFE here in earth in consideration of ALL LIFE.

I commit myself to when and as I am in the Shops/mall to breathe and to consider what I buy within common sense and practicality and to not waste money on mindless spending where I sell things to myself in my head.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself having to “think” and convince myself to buy something to stop and realize that I am in that moment making it up if I need it or not, because I realize that if it is in fact a need and necessary I do not have to think about it because it is a need, such as buying a drink as my body must have water, of food as my body must eat or to buy the things that I know practically help me function within the current system that is here and to not waste money on BS.

I commit myself to when and as I am in the Mall/shops to Breathe and to direct and move myself to get to point A and to point |B and to not give into temptation, as this is a clear indication that I am not deciding what I am buying but rather a feeling/emotion/thought that is the result of memory and thus part of the brainwashing/mind control.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself making things up in my mind that id based on Fear of missing something and not getting what I might need, to stop and breathe and to realize if it isn’t a practical point then I can let it go and stop the fear and realize I am here as simple being functioning in a complicated system, and thus my basic needs is simple and anything else that is required of me to buy to help me function in the current system is practical Till the system is changed to Equal Money system where all Life is supported from birth till death and all basic needs are met I must remain practical within what is here and not irrational fear motivation that lead to buying Crap.

Day 178 – The salesman in my head, Buying Crap Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am a product of Capitalism and that I will be a capitalist within my mind where I will sell other peoples products to myself through back chat and internal conversations as the result of brainwashing and pro-gramming from those that has gone before me, and to within this spend and waist money on random crap that isn’t practical or an actual Necessity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I was raised and programmed to make decisions that is always in my own self interest and that it is always connected to money, as I will make all decisions based on money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Spend money just because I belief that the product I am buying is going to save me money because it is on a special or cheap, not seeing and realizing that this kind of behavior and thinking pattern is what advertisers brainwashed into society and people, because the obvious thing to save money is to NOT buy the shit on specials.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that me buying crap/shit just because it is on a special or cheap is from and as the starting point of fear, fear of not getting this deal again and fear of that i might need this thing I can buy now for cheaper somewhere in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the whole world is on specials and sales and good deals daily because the people selling knows that we are all living in fear and self interest and thus they WILL take advantage of it through manipulating peoples decisions with money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I go to the mall to literally Create things within my mind right there and then in the mall that I Think I need suddenly and make myself belief I do need it, not seeing and realizing that it is absolute brainwashing directing me, there might as well have been a TV in my brain with a guy advertising everything I see to me and making it sound and look good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that that everything that is created within Capitalism isn’t made for your best interest, it is made to make Capital plain and simple and through this everything is made and created to SELL itself in your mind in your secret thoughts and back chat and that as we humans are raised to only be pockets of money for the monster system, we will fall for it all, all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fool myself into thinking that the products that is within shops are there for ME to be able to live a life of value and worth, when in fact it is for me to make others worth something so they can have their values which is always money as the end result.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that The SECRET MIND where each human being is always alone with themselves talking and scheming and gossiping and doing who knows what in their minds is the tool that is being used through advertisements to inception of ideas/beliefs/fears into the people’s minds so that when they make a decision to buy crap people will always think they made the decision, because it happened in their minds, not seeing that it was secretly in the open implanted, and since no one ever reveals their secret minds to others or themselves it is used as a weapon to create the ultimate consumers.

To be continued.

Day 177 – Addicted to buying Random Crap.

I wrote in my previous two Blogs day 175 and Day 176 about my room that is always dirty. I then cleaned my room this weekend and got everything in place so that I can function practically within my room/living-space and not waste time searching for stuff and tripping over stuff and obviously to put away stuff that can harm the animals or that will lead the animals into temptation to chew on it and so forth, and to prevent the consequences as we as humans have such a ability as our responsibility.


So within cleaning my room I have discovered that part of the “crap” and “dirtiness” in my room is random Crap/stuff that I bought a while ago, and now it is all just laying around and taking up so much space. That is really unnecessary, and when I look for things such as the screw driver in my drawer I have to first look and scribble and move my hands through things I haven’t used or seen or touched in months or since I bought it.

So this is something I have to question about myself and what the fuck am I doing and why am I doing this and most importantly HOW am I doing it, why do I have things in my room that I bought that cost money , it accumulates into a lot of money that I literally never touch or use anymore or really have no purpose for, yet I keep it all and still do it from time to time when I look at it.

When I take a simple example such as my desk that has three drawers in it, I see that I use only one drawer maybe once a day to take out my cell phone or wallet. BUT my drawer is full of Stuff and lots of stuff, I see a knife, and a knife holder and I see old cigarette holders and CD pouches and fishing equipment and games and random keys and key holders and pens and lazar lights and tape and a watch and lots of cables, and this is only one drawer I am describing, then I have my closets and other places in the room with stuff in it.

I have probably only once taken out something I need from the other closets I have in the room this year, yet there is a shit load of stuff in there.

If I have to go and take a careful look at how much money this cost me over time and how it is just laying there for years now, it will be quite a lot.

So I must investigate HOW I came to buy this.

Let’s take for instance the watch I have found in my drawer that has been there for over a year now, it has a alarm that goes off every night at 12 and it makes a beeping sound (not to loud) and I have never once even with the beeping sound not taken it out.

When I bought this watch I was in the mall getting cloths, mostly looking for socks. As I was standing at pay point waiting for my turn next to me was a stand, on the stand there was a lot of watches, and they were all cheap so to say – usually you buy watch for seven hundred to one thousand rands as a good quality watch – this watch was only fifty rand and it looked pretty good.
So as the price was “cheap” my mind immediately made up some GOOD reasons to why I must buy this watch – It is like corporations/companies don’t really need to sell us anything anymore – al they have to do it make something look good and cheap and then we sell it to ourselves, because we are enslaved to the mind and brainwashed with money we have voices in our heads that sell us other peoples products for us lol.

I remember standing next to the watch and going, you know it is cheap and I actually need a watch, because if I have a watch on my all the time and people ask me what the time is, I do not have to take my phone out of my pocket and then click the button and check the time, I can simply look at my arm and say – it is this time. And it is cheap and it looks good and not cheap, plus I work on a farm, I can leave my expensive phone in the room and rather wear the watch – twenty seconds later I have the watch in my hands and I am buying it.

As I got out of the shop I immediately placed the watch on my arm – I convinced myself it is a good watch and quite comfortable – just so that i should not feel bad about the fact that I just wasted my money, because the truth was, as soon as I put the watch on I was uncomfortable, the watch was hurting my wrist. When I got back to the farm and I started working with the watch it was only in the way and getting hooked on everything, and I got a rash on my arm. I got to the room and I took it off and forgot about it.

Now if I look at the whole HOW process within the mind and How it worked I will see it is a Pattern that plays out in everything else that I buy in that way. It is linked to money first and then the selling it to yourself part as your internal conversations that has a nice energy feeling that you create with it, so it must be good and the right decision, so I must do it.

And at the end of every month I will have the same question as always – where did my money go, and then we actually make ourselves belief we do not have enough money (for those that do have money) billions have no money, I am referring to people with money. It all went to random crap and most of it - you cannot see in objects because it was used in little treats here and there to spoil yourself because you convinced yourself you deserved a bit of chocolate or sweets or sodas or pizzas or movies or whatever there is – it accumulates if the addiction isn’t stopped.

Earth is the price to pay. we need to change our actual Life Styles to be able to change the world with alternatives.

I will continue on this in my next blog.

Day 176 – My dirty Room as Who I am Part 2

This is a continuation of Day 175 – My Room never stays clean Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make keeping my room clean an effort, not seeing and realizing that only the mind makes the effort in thoughts/thinking, while in fact in and as the physical it only takes one breathe at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I come into my room and I want to take off my jacket or shoes or socks to only be in and as the mind as the want/need/desire to get the cloths off and to within this follow an energy and only consider what I feel like, instead of considering the physical reality and how thins functions as a whole in my room and to within this just leave the cloths where I took them off instead of putting them away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that The fact that I do not know how my room gets dirty is showing to me that I am NOT aware in fact as the physical and thus I have multiple dimensional shifts in my day as I am living in alternate realities within my mind instead of in one reality as the physical that is here and that we all share where I can be effective and actually correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that it is too much work and time to keep my room clean, not seeing and realizing that IF I do all the small things in the moments that I am busy with it such as taking my shoes off and putting them away it is only a few breathes instead f leaving all the small things to accumulate and in the end have a piled of room that takes two days to clean and that I am actually manifesting wasting time through accumulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the mind as energy that isn’t in consideration of the physical reality as awareness and thus create a dirty room without even noticing it till I have to clean it, showing me that a snake could have been laying eggs in my room and killed me in my sleep and I would not have noticed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that who I am within my room by myself is showing me who I am within all thing I do and thus gives us all a world that is in deep shit equal and one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that my behavior in my own personal space will not affect anybody else as it is in my space, not seeing and realizing that what habits/patterns/characters I create and entertain in my personal space is what I train to live out in the rest of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for my personal space within the realization that taking responsibility for my personal space is where the change starts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it will be too much of an effort every time I take off my socks and to put it in the basket rather.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justifications of why should I put this way now when I am going to use it in a while again, knowing that I do not know that for a fact and that in a while anything can change and thus I am setting myself up to create dementia for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification of “ I can put this down here it is in no one’s way” seeing and realizing that when and as I look for that something again it takes me ten minutes to find it, instead of having it on one place and I can find it instantly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not keep my room practical and clean from the starting point of believing that I cannot perfect myself within it, and to give up before I have even tried – as I know that if I try I will succeed, and success means responsibility.

I commit myself to when and as I am within my room to respect myself and my room within the starting point of doing what is best for all as I would like to be done onto me.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am not directing and instead postponing to stop and breathe and to take that breathe and correct myself and move myself to keep my room practical and clean.

I commit myself to within the understanding of that Who I am determines what I do and that my room as my personal space is where the change/correction starts with self to from this starting point move myself and direct and to be disciplined as breathe and saying this is the line I have had enough, I am doing this for myself as that which is best for all life, as I see and realize that what I stop and what I accept and allow in my room is where I train myself and that it does have a direct effect on how/what I do outside of my room and so change the world starting with my room and applying it into LIFE.