Day 477 – investigating self- Postponement

What does it mean to postpone, what is postponement, let me start at the beginning of what I have lived as postponement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone living and being utmost potential through not applying myself within the most basic and simple tools such as Breathing, and to postpone the physical action of focusing on my breathing because I want to rather focus on what I have been living and giving my attention to for the past two decades which is the mind and thus as my limited potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I cannot right now do this, live my utmost potential, as I still have to focus on so many other points first, and to within this postpone what is here as me as my utmost potential and thus rather focusing on all the problems and all the things I still make myself believe I have to walk through before I can be my utmost potential, and thus creating all that I make myself believe that I still have to walk through before I can be my utmost potential an excuse and thus a postponement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use postponement as a reason for me to not to have to do something right now just because I have a bead feeling within me regarding what I have to do right now that is here, and to create many reasons and excuses that seem relevant and real (even if I really just pull them out of my ass) through using the physical reality and creating “real” points that will not really bloc me from doing what I can do just so that I can protect the feeling within me that is negative, and not having to go to this negative feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone what is here and that I can take responsibility for and to limit myself just because I have a bad feeling on my belly about something that is within my mind, a specific secret fear that I am not sharing with anyone, because it is so small within me that I fear even mentioning it will make me seem weak and small, so I rather postpone what needs to be done and make up so many excuses as I fear doing what needs to be done now by me can reveal this fear to others and mostly to myself, where I experience it within me consistently within doing t5he task at hand, my it be talking to a person, or cutting the grass or doing a phone call for business, or writing this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone what is here to do as a point that requires a response from someone to move and with me being in the current position to respond to take self-responsibility I will rather not do it right now and postpone till another time when it fits me or when I am feeling that the moment is right, the moment isn’t right now, it is wrong now, so I must wait till how I experience myself within myself change and then I can do what needs to be done, but by that time it’s to late and the moment is gone and the point that needed responses in the moment has not lost its universal connection of possibilities, it is now contaminated by postponement and the flower that didn’t get its water but a day before is now dead the next day, so the room stink up, the bees has no food, and the sun has nowhere to send its ray to, and the only reason the flower didn’t get its water is because someone was to busy sitting on the couch in fear of missing a TV show for the life of a flower.

THUS

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I postpone something within my day I am not just postponing what needs to be done, I am postponing a universal movement, a movement that has to do with more than just me, it has to do with the proce4ss of LIFE and where all life is inter connected, and the moment I postpone even the simplest moment I am harming many other connections/relationships that reality consists of consistently and thus postponing the process of life and helping those that has no idea of this process and or can do nothing about it due to their position in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish within my actions within the ignorant belief that what I do effects only me, and that I have the right to only do things when I feel like it, never considering, within a business, within a relationship, within a family, within a community and thus within this world, everything I do or do not do within every aspect of my life that is interconnected to all life, like throwing a pebble into a pond, or not throwing it, are we creating or waiting, and what are we creating or what are we waiting for, either options is creation, just directly or indirectly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my postponement is a side effect of who I am – it is me as a product and on the label it says, side effects may be postponement of using this product, created over time by all aspects of my life, and thus I can see that this who I am can be changed through the fact that I accepted and allowed this who I am now to be, so I can undo it and create myself as my utmost potential, which will be a product of life, one that functions as and for life, no postponement is possible because my movement is who I am, not a side effect of how I feel or think, but what is here, what is practical what is best.

Examples lived,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone eating food during the day, due to me being within the mind within a consistent state of stress and worry about what I need to do and getting to it, and to within this tire myself out before I can ever get to doing what needs to be done because my body is tired and does not have energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone going to bed at night due to worrying about time and not having enough personal time to get to personal things that I would like to do and to within this end up going to bed to late and struggling to wake up, thus...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone waking up when I hear my alarm within the through of I did not get enough sleep and to within this get to work to late and thus not having enough time to eat and to get to supporting my body properly from the get go and to have an effective day within moving myself and thus going into stress.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone getting to the actual movement of my day once I have done all the planning and all the small things that requires to be done within the morning, such as doing the phone calls and the emails and the trips to appointments and making my life prosper within self-movement due to now lacking energy and being stuck within an anxiety where I have rushed myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone taking actions within my life to correct my consistent errors that I am aware of yet continue falling into the traps, due to me wanting to hold on to some personal points of self-interest such as having my time at night, instead of making that clear cut decision of going to bed at a certain time to get that six hours of sleep in to be able to wake up early and to have a breakfast and to support myself for the day physically and to move myself and direct myself instead of being trapped within energies and emotions/feelings that is the consequences of my actions that I did not direct and take self-responsibility for due to postponing, saying I will correct it tomorrow, I will do it tomorrow, I will get to it tomorrow, I am still okay, I am still fine so I can start with it tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone my life and to not direct my life to be the best potential that it can be so that I can life the best of my potential and still discovering myself within the process.

Day 85 – Personal Army of Characters – Loser

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a character of being a loser when I have lost/lose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a role of myself in my life where I play out a character that is a loser in everyone else eyes, realizing that it is an illusion and only self abusive to live my life in such a way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful towards others because I have judged myself within my own mind as being a loser according to what they aid or that I have lost and to then live my life as if I am a loser just to try and spite them to show them what they have done to me, realizing that I only did it to myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I feel like a loser and that I have accepted myself as a loser to judge myself and the world in such a way that I always make everything and everyone look dummer than myself just to feel better about myself, realizing that only I am the one constantly telling myself in my head I am a loser. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a loser when I did not win in something/or win something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a loser and thus through this create a character for myself that act as a loser.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I feel and act like a loser that I am simply playing a character as a role that I belief I must play in the event of losing according to what others judge as a loser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a loser and that I do not have the right to win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear winning as I have already created a character for myself of a loser and thus I feel and belief that I can not break character and thus must remain in character as the loser. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a character that is a loser and that isnt allowed to win as this will be seen as unacceptable in my won eyes and that of others, realizing that I am only limiting myself playing this role in society that isnt necessary and that I can decide to change. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear breaking the loser character and to be a winner within that which is best for all life, and to be certain and to know that I will this time in my life be a winner for life one and equal and stand up and do what is best for all life in all ways as I will prove this to myself in my living application, and to stop the loser character that I have familiarized myself with myself and others. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be a winner for what is best for all life in all ways and to proud of it as a winner should be that is living a life and changing self to that which is best for all life and to birth self as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a loser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through my past where I have lost or feel like I have lost to identify myself as that and to within that create an actual character for myself as a loser that i will play out as who I am as my personality and accordingly create my life and act in behave and talk in certain ways to keep the loser character as the loser character is designed to keep me save and in place to not to have to face more losing events in life, realizing that win or lose as long as what I do is always within the best interest of life, I am winning for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that only I can accept and allow myself to be a loser as I am the one that decides always.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that winners need losers to be winners and losers needs winners to be losers and thus both are equally fucked and thus the only lose and win can be either doing what is best for all life in all ways as winning as all life wins together, and losing as doing what is only within self interest as the characters playing delusional roles in the mind that will consequentially be the lost of all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that that as long as I accept myself as a loser, as a nobody that can not do anything that I will remain as that, and thus it is me who has to stand up and change as Life though a process of rebirth with Desteni ad the Desteni I process and to support life in all ways as I re create myself as life as the winning solution for all and sp the world as myself, where no losers or winners as characters can exist that only causes harm to life.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into thoughts of I am a loser I can not win, I can not do this, I am not good enough, to stop and breathe and realize that I am playing a character that is designed by me through memories and past experiences to keep me limited and to not face the points within my life within me that I know will be tough and that I have to push through and thus.

I commit myself to stop and breathe and walk and to be here in and as the physical as the real character as the flesh body and to walk and live that which is best for all life in all ways as a real winner through writing and self forgiveness and establishing an equal money system and to do what ever is required.