Desteni – When your principles are for sale - when shit get's though the real self pops out.





A bit about why Desteni is the most difficult message and when do we sell out our principles. both points are related in a strange way. 

Why is Desteni the most difficult message in the world to spread and to also give forth to others? In a nutshell, because it isn’t a positive message (according to people’s perception of positive) and it does not fit into anything you have ever heard about or thought possible.

For example the portal, who has ever heard of a portal, a human being that can leave their body and bring through ANYTHING in this existence to communicate and share, and now you can’t even start to imagine what exist here in this existence, what we can see and not see, how much do we NOT see or are even aware of? The portal can bring it through, and thus what comes through and what the messages are, like Reptilian beings, Atlanteans, Jesus or a rock, a blade of grass or animals, name it all and so much more. I mean, imagine now hearing what they all have to share and how we have been brainwashed to belief things, what our perceptions are of reality and how our perception has been shaped and conditioned from birth, we cannot even start to think this is true or real.

Now – I can go into a lot more, but I would suggest you take a moment and read this book THE HISTORY OF DESTENI and do not take my word for it and read the book, it is worth your time, to see what Bernard Poolman has to share  on how everything was directed and pushed to what is now today Desteni, the message, the process, the journey, and WHY it is here, to change ourselves, to prepare ourselves for crossing over, to stand as life, and to not only do that BUT to in this life change this world, by becoming active, becoming living examples and taking a stand to stop the abuse that exists here.

What makes Desteni unique and definitely one of a kind is that it provides information that is actual education and that actually empowers a person to understand existence, to understand creation and thus to actually be able to CHANGE self, rebirth self. this isn’t a positive message as what so many groups out there promote (positive messages) or even information that still just share surface points on how we can change ourselves, because that’s what all other groups lack, it is detailed, it is specificity of creation and thus how we can change, the mechanics of LIFE, and what we need to know to really change ourselves aren’t the beautiful things, it is to realize the reality, the real shit that is here as US as who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as for eons of time.

Now, through Desteni you hear about Equality and oneness, you hear and learn about the mind, the body and how everything is programmed, how we have literally come to exist through being designed, and how we have to stop running as robots and rebirth ourselves as life, and this is where it gets really though, the MIND as consciousness which is a tool that has become our master has complete and total control on what exist here, each and every human is a slave of the mind, and we have literally created systems within this world that reflects US as the human and what we have accepted and allowed us to be outwards, and so we are in a Prison within and without, slaves forever, unless we take a path that is in reverse, that actually requires WILL power to walk and not to hope for motivation or automation to do it, which is the Desteni process and message.

Now, people do not want to hear this, people do not want to believe this, people do not even want to give Desteni a chance and immediately run away or fight, a typical fight or flight program of the mind. Then, those who do hear and see the Desteni message tend to FALL, because the mind once again has dominance and the being as the person has NO say.

I have lived through lots of this myself, the mind directing me, my thoughts feelings and emotions being my master, I have walked this process and LIVED it here on the Desteni farm for 9 years now, and I KNOW how hard this is, I know the challenges, and I know knowing is never enough, and living corrections are though.

That’s what giving birth is all about, a labours moment, it is painful, it has struggles, it has blood, it has pain, it has challenges, it has resistance, but once all of that is over a new life is born, and this is what the Desteni process is all about, rebirthing ourselves as life, so that we know who we are always, in this life and form and in death, there must be no difference, obviously only when Death comes can we stand, or if we are willing to leave our bodies by will, then we can know, as what we have as an example as the portal, where the being in the portal can leave her body at will.

Over the past 9 years, we at Desteni with this message, with all the information and Bernard Poolman and a portal, we have over time become quite a group of people standing in principle and walking a process of rebirthing ourselves using the tools that has been provided and thus SHARING ourselves within this journey as supporting ourselves and reaching out to others – this became a big thing on the internet for a while and so we got feedback from others – the feedback was hateful, spiteful and we have been labelled many things, such as being a cult or just another business making money. Bernard Poolman got the most abuse and the Portal, as Bernard Poolman was used as the reason for why Desteni is a cult for example and that he was some guru or leader of the cult.

Then Bernard Poolman passed away in 2013 and basically the VOICE that spread the message the most and penetrating people’s lives went quiet. BUT Desteni is still here today after almost 4 years now. Which in a way proofed every single hater and person that called Desteni a Cult wrong and that they actually just feared the truth, I mean, it is common that we all know people cannot handle the truth and instead fight for lies, so this was an obvious case. BUT these haters caused a lot of harm and damage to individual’s personal lives because of their LIES and spreading of misinformation, financially they harmed some individuals and on an emotional level with their relatives, so who was actually harming? The haters were and are really abusive and they didn’t care at all the abuse they are and were creating as long as they could feel strong and powerful in being RIGHT in proving Bernard Poolman as a Cult leader, harming people, yet they caused ALL the harm and actually started it and instigated it by the very moment as the first time they attached the word CULT to Desteni they immediately inflicted HARM on everyone walking with Desteni – interesting how these people claiming to be good and having good intentions ended up being the only people harming.

So, we faced a lot of conflicts and a lot of attacks came our way just for exposing the truth, the reality of what is here.

Ok, so that is just a bit of background information but not ALL of it, to find out more I would suggest visiting the Desteni forums and get on board with checking things out for yourself.
Back to the current blog and why Desteni is the most difficult message and why it is difficult to reach people.

Besides it not being a positive message but a truth of what is here, Desteni does not promote ANY profit gain for those that join and walk with. And this is thus another negative, as most people in this world do EVERYTHING for themselves and making money in some way, check it out, people will go out of their way to make a social platform grow, or to support a new upcoming group or movement as long as there is a promise of making money somewhere in there, suddenly people are motivated, suddenly people want to see it succeed, because they will personally profit and make money, and this is the difference with Desteni and all other platforms, We are not making promises or anything for anyone to make money, so people leave, because self-change just isn’t enough, changing this world isn’t enough to motivate a person, money plays a BIG role in the brainwashing and control within this world. Especially with how things are moving within this world, people will give up their principles to rather start moving and directing themselves for money, where there is a possible investment for self-profit.

This is why Desteni has been seeing a decline in growth and movement, because it is proofing the brainwashing and control that exist within everyone, where money direct, where money has the power, where people can change their principle and stance for a few more pennies, that’s what Judas did to Jesus, so it is very interesting to see how money can change anything and everyone, even when it means selling out LIFE.

Let me take this further – when people join positive groups that give positive messages for change like Depack Chopra or Eckhart Tolle, or even Osho, they are more than willing to openly support them because even their messages are a possible way of making more money in their lives, or helping with relationships and thus money, where Desteni says, shit is going to get real, you are going to face yourself, you are going to have to be financially stable and walk your process for a moment where probably nothing in your life will improve, because you are now getting fucking real, Desteni isn’t a positive message and self-interest and self-gain isn’t part of the message, it is always about self as what is best for all life, it is about actually changing and becoming an effective human being, not an effective money making machine or relationship guru as people hope and dreams for.

Desteni do not support self-interest and thus reaching people is SOO difficult, because what brainwashed human being cares about anything more than their own survival, their own money, their own relationships, and giving all of that up to stand as LIFE (now giving up here does not mean literally, but internal to not be controlled by the designs).

So, as the world runs towards an economic crisis (constantly) and politics are frightening people and everything is becoming more and more cramped, the nature of the human as self-interest overwrites principle as if the principle never existed, and this is exposing even more how fucked we are actually and controlled by the mind and slaves to these systems and designs, and just proves how programmed we are in FEAR – just like how Jesus was betrayed for a few silver coins by Judas as Judas gave money and fear a change instead of LIFE.

Fear of Loss - Lose the Fear

 
All I have is Breath.
 
 
 
Interview from EQAFE on The Design of Fear of Loss HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of loss.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is possible to lose something.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of the system taking what I have away from me.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe it is possible to own something as MINE. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from reality as life as what is here and to within this attempt to possess things and thus where they end up possessing me with the fear of loss of separation. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the future as FEAR of what I can lose or not lose as my decision.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to lose what I have as the current life setup that I have.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of possibly losing the nature and animals and the community I live within. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of the future and what could happen or not happen and whatever happens, will determine hat I lose, and thus live in the fear of what I can lose. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to lose the LIFE I have currently and to not have a possible future that will put me in a similar position that I am within now be live and do what I do.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of loss and what I can lose if the future does not look to good or bright within my life in terms of finances.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in separation of what is here as a whole for all life in any given moment and to thus not stand one and equal as a solution within changing who I am as life as any and all possible situations and to walk what is best for all. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to lose the community/farm I live on currently and thus all and any projects and plans I have that could have had potential to help many.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I go to the point of fear of loss and what it might mean if the point of loss manifests and that it means that is the end, and thus already placing myself in a position of disempowerment as the limitations of the mind, instead of seeing who I am within the lowest point not just within myself but also physically and how I will stand up and direct myself to push to create and manifest what is within me again, as it is in my name GIAN/Again.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the fear of what if, what could have been, instead of what is here, direct and act, live. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to lose my position within this world as an empowered position as one of the people that have money, while billions have nothing, and thus living in fear of having to live what others are living, and thus revealing my dishonesty as what I am still accepting and allowing within this world for others but I am not willing to walk that path with them one and equal. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can lose anything as long as I have myself, and thus I see and realize that YES I can lose a position, Yet I am still here, I can still breathe and direct and express me. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the fear of loss within me and what is it showing me as a gift of where I have still separated myself, and where I have created a point of dependency, not standing as who I am within me in all ways one and equal as all life in each and every breath, and thus fear losing what I have defined myself accordingly with. 
 
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that fear of loss that is here is showing me that I still fear and this not living here but in a near future that is still a projection of when I believe I will live and be ready and thus Fear losing what is here that is making up for me not standing, like crutches, my home, my money, my family, my environment, and thus I only act and live when it is necessary to prevent the loss from manifesting, instead of acting out of pure will as standing as what is best for all and not out of fear to only prevent the fear of loss to manifest and thus create exactly that fear, to manifest that loss, as I am only standing one and equal to what I fear losing instead of what I am capable of here creating in all breath without fear. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I might have to live if I lose what I have. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear actually having to live the word suffering compared to me living stress.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word stressed as if it can be compared to living to suffer.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to live to have to beg for food or dig through dustbins to find a meal. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to have to sleep on the streets where I am open to all sorts of abuse. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to die on the streets never having used what I had to change this world for all where such possibilities aren't possible for anyone. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I will or might experience myself within losing everything I had and to thus LOSE myself as I define myself to what I had and then to also define myself according to what will happen me on the streets and to change in ways I never thought possible as FEAR. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to become and living my fears.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Feel powerless within my fear manifesting and that I must slowly prepare myself for it already and so already give up and already manifest the outcome. Instead of stopping the fear, dropping any fear of loss, forgiving the pre-programmed fears through realizing them for what they are and to actually dare to live without fear through seeing and understanding that since I am already willing to manifest my fear through my actions and thus live it, what do I have to lose through fully and completely living without fear and to stand up and change in fact to live without fear as I am already prepared to live my fear, I can not lose anything but the fear and Breathe and thus LIVE as what is best for all life, standing as a voice for life, standing as that point of self-honesty.

Life - the reason for living - digging through it all.

After reading this blog, I have a suggested interview from Eqafe.com that you must get and listen to.




Is there more to life? this is a question to investigate, perhaps less is the way to more as LIFE?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make money LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about the material things I can have to entertain me within my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and Belief and thus live in a make belief life, which life is all about relationships, sex and finding a partner and literally things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make belief that life is about everything that I have been taught.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and belief that life is about finding the next best job or advancement in my career.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about what my parents made life about as all the values they have passed onto me as their meanings of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make believe that Life is about how awesome my country is, how awesome the people are that I live with, and that are around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about friends and people who will benefit me personally within the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and belief that life is about seeing with how many people I can connect and interact with to financially advance my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and belief that life is about getting education, a job, a family and to then retire and die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about religion, about gods, about life after this life, and to only live this life in accordance with what might come after this life based on what others have sold me as possibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and to believe that life is about my image, how I look, how well I dress, how well I smell, how good my personality is and to within this have no real value within, as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek value and life in the things that everyone else is doing and how they are doing, within the idea and belief that everyone else has it covered, that everyone else somehow has a secret answer to life and thus they are probably right as a mind assumption and interpretation, and so follow others and what they make and believe life to be just to fit in, in fear of standing and finding out what is real here as breath as me, as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about how much money I make.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about how much sex I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about how happy I can look and present myself in how my facial expressions are, how I dress, how I walk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about the country, the language, the race of people I am within and surrounded by as MY life and who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about how my partner looks as an apparent definition of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about how my house looks, what I have in my house, how others will see my house, how others will experience my house.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about taste, about food, about what I eat, how much I eat, when I eat and to define myself according to my foods.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and live life as a meaning of life through fitting in with groups just because of money and system advancement possibilities for me in the future as my life, and so sell myself out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life according to my sex, my age and everything to do with my period and time frame that I am within, within this world, as if I am defined by a generation and to regardless of common sense and self-honesty want to be part of a thing called “my generation” and to define and live my life accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life by the style and look of my hair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life and myself as life according to my facial structure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my life according to my physical body shape and image.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and belief that life is all about family and the people that “care” for me and whom I believe and make myself “care” for and thus disregard any and everyone else in life, all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and belief that life can be valued and defined through material things, the things that owe me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that life is about the “few” indulgence that I have and so make and create my life around the few points I can indulge within everyday even if it means giving up all life, the other parts of life, as long as the few points of indulgences are worth it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have without awareness or consciousness taken on the meaning of life from others and their believes, their ideas, their opinions and so like a zombie followed it and regardless of all evidence of what is within this world continue to walk and sell myself to the system as a prostitute, labour, my body, for money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is possible to blame the system that is here for the values and ideas and believe and opinions I have created about the meaning of life and to never even step one step out of it to see if there is more, something else besides my daily routine that defines LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create habits and patterns and routines that I follow religiously every single day as to avoid the fear and to live in denial of what we know we are living and doing, just to have comfort in the routines, patterns and habits, and to never take a first step to check, what the fuck is really here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question everything and to challenge myself within everything, to see how did I and how am I still keeping this meaning of life that is currently here in place through who I a, but to rather hide in routines, in stresses, in fears as denials of what is here and to keep on living as the stress and fear instead of hearing what is here, calling life, saying, there is more HERE, breath, stand up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume myself with my life to such an extent that I am so comfortable, that I cannot even question myself, as the fear of facing dishonesty is so great, I know it, and thus deny it consistently to avoid having to look at my life and who I am thus for real and see what I have become and made of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and to believe that I have lived a life of dishonesty for so long that it is pointless to at my age and time question myself, my life, and so rather completely sell myself for money, for a system, for the systems THUS within me first and foremost and to become completely obsessed with keeping the system the way it is for myself as I have already accepted and allowed myself to simply sink into the unforgivable and made it normal and me and thus cannot afford to be expose at any cost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and to believe that life is about LOVE and marriage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that marriage and love is real, when I was taught what it is and thus made life and based the definition and meaning of life on something completely unreal and untrue and to a certain degree, I know this, yet refuse to look at the LIE I have defined as LIE(F).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and belief that life is all about figuring our conspiracy theories and that it defines me and life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and belief that life is all about waiting for aliens to show up and change life even if it means I am entertaining myself and wasting my life in this, and yet do it because I have become possessed and obsessed with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and belief that life is all about getting a certain degree in studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and belief that life is about politics, about religions, about economics and that is what defines life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and to belief that life is about how much I know, how intelligent I am, how smart I am and so within this lose myself completely as life as I focus and define myself according to words in books that will not be as life at death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and to believe that life is all about having a baby, a child, and so within this about how great of a parent I am or can be and thus make the focus of life a child, someone else outside of self, thus self isn’t the first point of change and being the change and what requires the change, as the child will naturally learn from the adult, and thus it isn’t about parenting, it is about being myself, yet if I dislike myself I will raise my child within such a polarity that will cause a polarized relationship that thus teaches my child bullshit, such as how the child look, how intelligent they are, how physically early and shit they advance, which is again the focus on intelligence and not the being as LIFE, as who they are as that will come from self as self must first be that change and thus having a child must be natural, and parenting is thus an illusion,  deception, a mislead idea.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make and to belief that life is a make – believe game, where I can pick and choose what I want to believe and thus make and so life my life according to that, and thus disregard all common sense, all self-honesty and rather following a point of self-enslavement to systems, work, material things, images and so fuck the world, thus when I live a make-belief life where I use opinions, ideas and beliefs to live BY it proof that I have not actually matured or grown up at all as I am still disregarding LIFE itself, and what all of us walk one and equal in and as the physical, and thus everyone that mature in fact will walk the same in fact one and equal.

Check out thi interview by the Interdimensional Portal from Eqafe - Your Reason for Living 

Stop Fighting within. stop controlling, Trust here, breath Day 609

 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight myself within the process of change, instead of allowing the change to flow as me unconditionally, without restraining the change, without holding it back, without fighting it, and to rather embrace the change within me, to express me as the change without thought. 
 
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that thinking about doing something or expressing myself is in fact me fighting myself. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight my thoughts.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight any experience that comes up within me.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight the Image I see in the mirror of my physical body.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight the posture my body has.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight my common sense and expressing it.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight my fearlessness and to rather hold onto fear.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight for my limitations.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight the heat when it is hot.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight the cold when it is cold.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight disease and sickness when I have it. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight my breathing and how I am breathing. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight my spelling and typing skills. 
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight my reality and the people I have to interact with and how I experience any reactions that come up within me in those instances.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight TIME.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight aging.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight the food I eat as the thoughts and behaviors I have with the food I eat.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FIGHT reality as the physical that is here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight moving within reality.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight physical reality as the earth, nature and all that is natural through the clothes I wear and the comforts I implement just not to be in contact with nature such as shoes, hats, glasses and everything that is fighting what is here and resisting what is here as the earth, as that which is real.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight exploding in expression and rather hold it all back in fear.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight me standing up as I fight the fear and to within this believe that because I am fighting fears and insecurities the battle must mean it is real, instead of simply stopping fighting and living here expressing and breathing and standing as myself as true expression as life.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight my money/financial situation within this world and who I have defined myself according to money and my personal financial situation.

Day 608 - Stubbornness



Stubbornness

I have been a very stubborn person throughout my life, right up in people’s faces I would be stubborn, someone would offer me their help and I would say NO, I can do this by myself, or I would be struggling with something for weeks, even months, and I will NOT ask for help, because I must face this alone, I must get this all by myself.

Since I started walking my Desteni process, the tools and the material in all the blogs and vlogs and interviews has been challenging a whole different level of stubbornness within me.

I NEVER enjoyed anyone giving me the answer that is RIGHT, I would rather hold onto my own answer with my own added values that I see is the “right” way, even when I know it is just an opinion or a believe or idea – even when the answer given to me as the “right” answer has already been lived by someone and has already been proven by someone and can be explained to me in detail, whereas I with my answer cannot, I will hold onto my answer, being stubborn, unwilling to give up MY way as my Ego, going where my energy is, and not letting GO of it and taking on humility and seeing the new information as it is and to actually apply myself. NO, I would rather struggle for weeks and months and then learn it by myself, maybe. Or I would rather be stuck in MY WAY forever than rather giving it up and letting the ego GO.

This has changed a lot during my time walking with Desteni, and I have seen almost immediate improvements in my life, first of all, I learned that I am alone yet together alone with other people. Secondly if someone else gives me an answer that is “right” compared to mine, It doesn’t mean they see me as less, in fact it means they see me as more and that’s why the answer or new information is provided, because the other person wishes for me to be my utmost potential and for me to stop struggling within myself, yet with stubbornness that struggle can be very real and LONG.

Thirdly, I realized how much I reacted towards other people challenging my IDEA I have of myself, and how this challenge that others are giving me puts up this WALL of stubbornness and where I now MUST be more clever, or have a correct answer, or one that is even MORE better and saying those things as to show the other people I do not need your advice or help, which is again stubbornness, unwillingness to change, unwilling to admit that my way isn’t the way, and that if someone gives me a different way that takes out all the struggling, then I can simply take it – BUT NO, stubborn people, as myself want to be special, you see. Stubborn people want to be able to say SEE I did it all by myself, therefore I have all the credit, I was right, I am the winner of ME, but really?

This stubborn point has been challenged within me to its utmost through starting my Desteni Process, to be humble, to not be the all-knowing person, to be the inflexible self-righteous person that is always in conflict with everyone because LOOK I have a better answer, look I am saying this, YOU didn’t have to, I didn’t need any help from yo, even when what I say was inspired fom the other person, I mold it to my own.

one of the biggest stubborn indicators is to be part of a group, to walk as a group and within one principle, because then there is no MY way. it is best for all always, the group comes first. 

And this character can be sneaky, I have noticed how I can even listen to someone and SEE what they are saying and how it makes sense, and the practicality within what they are saying is HERE, yet I will walk away from such a conversation and then I will go in myself – ok, let me IMPROVE this what I was given and make it even better, and this I do because if I change what was told to me or what I heard, into my OWN version, then I can use it and tell the other person I still did it all by myself, LOOK I have an even better way of saying it, of doing it, I found this way, not you, I didn’t need your help. The stubborn character LOVES credit for itself no matter what, as long as someone else wasn’t right or helping or giving better information than the stubborn character.

I will be going into the stubborn character in more detail within my next blog through self-forgiveness.

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Victimization - Self-Forgiveness

    First realization/insight of the word. I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the word VIC...