Day 608 - Stubbornness

Stubbornness

I have been a very stubborn person throughout my life, right up in people’s faces I would be stubborn, someone would offer me their help and I would say NO, I can do this by myself, or I would be struggling with something for weeks, even months, and I will NOT ask for help, because I must face this alone, I must get this all by myself.

Since I started walking my Desteni process, the tools and the material in all the blogs and vlogs and interviews has been challenging a whole different level of stubbornness within me.

I NEVER enjoyed anyone giving me the answer that is RIGHT, I would rather hold onto my own answer with my own added values that I see is the “right” way, even when I know it is just an opinion or a believe or idea – even when the answer given to me as the “right” answer has already been lived by someone and has already been proven by someone and can be explained to me in detail, whereas I with my answer cannot, I will hold onto my answer, being stubborn, unwilling to give up MY way as my Ego, going where my energy is, and not letting GO of it and taking on humility and seeing the new information as it is and to actually apply myself. NO, I would rather struggle for weeks and months and then learn it by myself, maybe. Or I would rather be stuck in MY WAY forever than rather giving it up and letting the ego GO.

This has changed a lot during my time walking with Desteni, and I have seen almost immediate improvements in my life, first of all, I learned that I am alone yet together alone with other people. Secondly if someone else gives me an answer that is “right” compared to mine, It doesn’t mean they see me as less, in fact it means they see me as more and that’s why the answer or new information is provided, because the other person wishes for me to be my utmost potential and for me to stop struggling within myself, yet with stubbornness that struggle can be very real and LONG.

Thirdly, I realized how much I reacted towards other people challenging my IDEA I have of myself, and how this challenge that others are giving me puts up this WALL of stubbornness and where I now MUST be more clever, or have a correct answer, or one that is even MORE better and saying those things as to show the other people I do not need your advice or help, which is again stubbornness, unwillingness to change, unwilling to admit that my way isn’t the way, and that if someone gives me a different way that takes out all the struggling, then I can simply take it – BUT NO, stubborn people, as myself want to be special, you see. Stubborn people want to be able to say SEE I did it all by myself, therefore I have all the credit, I was right, I am the winner of ME, but really?

This stubborn point has been challenged within me to its utmost through starting my Desteni Process, to be humble, to not be the all-knowing person, to be the inflexible self-righteous person that is always in conflict with everyone because LOOK I have a better answer, look I am saying this, YOU didn’t have to, I didn’t need any help from yo, even when what I say was inspired fom the other person, I mold it to my own.

one of the biggest stubborn indicators is to be part of a group, to walk as a group and within one principle, because then there is no MY way. it is best for all always, the group comes first. 

And this character can be sneaky, I have noticed how I can even listen to someone and SEE what they are saying and how it makes sense, and the practicality within what they are saying is HERE, yet I will walk away from such a conversation and then I will go in myself – ok, let me IMPROVE this what I was given and make it even better, and this I do because if I change what was told to me or what I heard, into my OWN version, then I can use it and tell the other person I still did it all by myself, LOOK I have an even better way of saying it, of doing it, I found this way, not you, I didn’t need your help. The stubborn character LOVES credit for itself no matter what, as long as someone else wasn’t right or helping or giving better information than the stubborn character.

I will be going into the stubborn character in more detail within my next blog through self-forgiveness.

Idea versus Ideal Day 602 – Day 5 of 21

I have so many ideas during my everyday living – my ideas are always inspired for world change, how I as an individual can start something, make it big and make it happen. I write down many of my ideas and some I post on social networks, where they get some feedback. I appreciate any and all feedback.

Ideas come and go, this is what I have seen for myself, and sometimes I act on these ideas, to physically practically check it out. These Ideas I act on are usually small things that are possible right now, so it is easy and I have feedback quit quickly and can thus change my idea and test it out again.

One of the Key points I have realized within acting on small ideas is to take and idea and to mold and shape that idea into an Ideal, not an Idol, then we will have a problem.

I always align my ideas that are BIG to group activity and efforts, and always in alignment with the principles I live by to benefit and support and assist all those equally that I can currently reach and that stand equally as me. As I know it will only then spread out more and more.

The problem I face is a Fear, where I get an Idea that isn’t something that can be done right here and now, it is something that requires time and effort, to set the IDEAL of the idea already in the planning without having the opportunity first to just test it and then correct it. Because any BIG Idea that goes public effects that idea and how that idea is manifested, so a second chance is very hard after that, an unfortunate consequence of living in a system where there are winners and losers.

I have been in the process of bringing a BIG Idea to live, to manifest it, it is taking time, the planning, the research and all the practical points that is required to be in place before even exposing or revealing this idea to not have any assumptions already made, and that is of course part of and in alignment with my process and living and standing as a Destonian and the Desteni Principles and group. As the group always comes first.

So the point I am facing is the fear of the unknown of not having that space and time to take a BIG idea and first check it out, I must basically give it one shot and that will be it for this one particular idea, and even if the idea fails, it will not mean it was a bad one, it can simply mean that I have missed a few points, and thus the Ideal isn’t met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking a BIG idea and to follow through with it into manifestation and that it might not work and where the reasons will be that of missing small points within the Ideal outflow I wanted and saw within the Idea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear making BIG mistakes and who I will be within that miss take, where I can already see myself getting back up and starting over, yet I fear having to go through the whole process again just because of missing a few points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rush into manifesting my big idea as soon as possible just to find out if it will work or not, and to within this miss the IDEAL and what I must practically consider within the Idea as to as much as possible ensure that the Ideal of the Idea is to manifest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to flood my passion and vision and Idea with too much unnecessary information within a fear as a paranoia of messing it up and to within this take the idea and making it into a typical sales pitch and missing the passion completely of where the Idea comes from as a self-directed and creative movement within me that isn’t of knowledge and information but a physical movement of living and manifesting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going BIG and Viral.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what will happen if my BIG idea actually manifest and how much of a difference it will be from what I saw within me and my mind versus reality as I had no time to first check and assess as what I do with small ideas on a daily living scale.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself within listening to the mind as knowledge and information as comparison where I compare myself as less than those that has made big ideas come true and were able to be flexible and moveable to adjust and make it happen, and that I am not the same, yet I know within me as my expression that I am, I can I am capable, I must simply take the lead/jump after preparation and cross reference with others and to know that in breath I am okay, I am here, I am doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the voices in my head of what other people will say and think about my crazy ideas and that it will not be possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR my response to others when and if they might have negative responses towards me and my crazy ideas and that I might just get more crazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect everyone to just go with it and make it happen and then it will work, yet seeing and realizing the mind as I am facing it now will be equal within everyone else and thus as I face my point I will be able to support and assist others to also see that what seems crazy and impossible and even radical is simply pre-programming holding us back from breaking through our fears. And as long as what we are doing is within self-honesty one and equal to our expression sanding within such a point will be natural and not a fighting and reactive process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT believe in myself and my potential within me for creating change and effecting this world for a better world that is best for all life. And to within this hold back so much and so many times in fear, in self-judgement, in insecurities and so much mind shit that I have never even given myself a chance to stand up and show my head in the crowds for something different, something that will NOT immediately been smiled upon, yet if I stand as me as my expression in passion and obsolete principle of what’s best for all life, I will be guided one and equal and bear the fruits one and equal.

To end it off – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this WAY bigger than what it is within my mind, as the mind tend to already place oneself in the Famous seat in the spotlight, which is a false idea and not and Ideal way to approach anything in expectations, Be here in breathe moving direct within physical reality and no illusions.