Day 600 – I am Capable of anything, am I? Day 3 of 21

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my imagination of what I am capable of when and as I hear the words, or read the words – you are capable of anything, where I go into an alternate reality and totally disregard the reality that is here and who I am within and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am capable of anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to believe that I am capable of anything to distract me from reality and what is here as who I am and the actual physical limitations, challenges that I deal with daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disbelieve that I am capable of anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the disbelieve more than the belief, as the disbelief enforces my limitations, yet the belief takes me beyond my limitations and into imagination, and thus I see it isn’t a matter of believing but to live the words and to check it for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a struggle between what my mind shows me I am capable of and what I am actually capable of within the physical reality, where what my mind is showing me looks so easy and real and accomplish able, yet when I move and direct the physical reality there are so much more that I haven’t considered or looked at.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be effected by the words – you are capable of anything – and to within this effect take myself to a positive polarity within me where I end up only hitting negatives in friction with this polarity and so give up on myself. Instead of being real with myself, seeing how can I in fact live the words – I am capable of anything, and to first and foremost realize that I am capable of anything and everything and this includes first developing, teaching and practicing and training and integrating what is necessary for me to be capable of anything and everything which includes anything and everything I must walk and face to stand as those living words.

Thus I see and realize that I missed the words completely in practicality, as I was hearing them within energy as imagination, and so when I look and see the word as living word, I can see that – I am capable of anything – implies everything that is required and inclusive of the process to be walked to actually live and stand as the words – I am capable of anything, and to not give up following an imagination as a vision of what the words imply and means as an end result, completely missing the journey that is inclusive of ANYTHING, and only through walking the journey to I become capable in fact.

When the Failure Character takes over - application to correction is the way forward - Day 597

Self-correction takes one moment in self-directed movement to apply and live. This is an act of self-forgiveness if it is done within self-directed movement, not based on how you feel, it is to move and direct self regardless of how one feels and to breathe and move forward.

About a Month ago I started a 21 day challenge of writing Self-forgiveness in my blogs. I failed.
My failure did not come as me saying, Ok I am not doing it today, or I do not feel like doing it today, in fact it was my “desire” to write my blog for that day. Due to circumstances, I had no laptop, no internet and I was in a completely different environment the day I broke this challenge.

The Feeling of failure and disappointment came over me the following day, for not completing this challenge. I felt that I have not only failed me but everyone else that was following this challenge of mine, and even some that joined in on the same challenge.

I did not write a Blog that following day either, due to me still being in this different environment and having NO laptop, no internet, and I stayed at this different place for a week. I saw no possible way for me to continue with the challenge, I had my phone with me and some shared wifi at times.

After the week was over and already seven days of no writing happened, the judgement of failure has taken over to such an extent that I did not even feel like writing anymore, I felt that it was a waste of time now to continue with this challenge, the point of the challenge was missed, I had two options, starting over or not continue the challenge at all.

Then, another week passed, and I have done nothing. I have succumbed to my experience of failure, in fact I have now been living this failure, this failure has now become a norm, I have accepted and allowed it to exist as me, as who I am within this challenge, this point. Not only did it effect my writing, the challenge, I started seeing this point of failure coming through in all parts of my life, a sort of depression, giving up on things, and feeling like just not continuing doing what I have done in terms of writing, social media, showing my face, speaking out, placing my words, and standing openly, because of one point of failure, that I have judged instead of forgiving myself and starting over, has now effected all parts of life, without even noticing. It became normal actions, as it my life was changing naturally into that of a failure.

This is why I write today, because this is my actions of forgiving myself and letting go of what the mind took advantage of and directed my reality, and the real power lies within action/living, not thinking and festering within the mind on what happened, what was, who is judging me, me judging me, and getting lost in an alternate reality.

I expected forgiveness from others, I expected others to understand my situation, I expected approval from others to start over, that it is okay, Yet it never came, so I waited, one week after the other, and then another week more, no one was giving me the thumbs up to start over, only I had that power and authority, no matter how bad I have judged my failure, I must stop and forgive and start over for myself.

So I will from Monday/Tomorrow start over with my 21 days challenge of writing self-forgiveness and I will myself to walk this point for myself.

Love, Sex and Relationships, Day 3 of 21 – Day 588

Love, Sex and Relationships, Day 3 of 21 – Day 588

Note: The following self-forgiveness are from points I have walked, and still walking. Yet all are relevant, here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question where the design of relationships come from and why I have accepted and allowed these ideas as normal and never questioned the actual physical feedback within this reality and what the current way of relationships has produces within this world as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question myself and the way I approached relationships with other people, especially to create a shared relationship as a partnership with another and who I am within it and from where within myself I am approaching it and where that approach comes from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT question the design of the Desire for relationships I have within me towards women and why it is so specific, where does these specific desires come from, how did I just accept and allow them and follow them like a zombie.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question why my specific Likes and Dislikes are just seemingly here within me what I like or dislike within girls, as if I was born with it, yet how can that be possible, does that mean that before birth where I had NO form no sexuality I have already had these dislikes or likes? This makes no sense and thus is nonsense, thus I see and realize that what I like and dislike is in fact NOT me but the proof of pre-programming and that I am simply an organic robot, unless I stop and breathe and actually live without judgment and direct and be responsible as a creator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not question my sexual urges and wants, and why they can be so specific, yet I was born without any of them, thus where do they come from, why do I make them real, why do they influence me, why does my sexual urges and desires have power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed sexual Desire and urges as Normal, even when common sense proves that it cannot be normal it cannot be WHO I AM, as who I am existed before and maybe after death, and thus these sexual desires and urges cannot be mine as they are limited and bound to the form of the physical, and thus also programmed into the physical through the mind as the system as the media, family, culture, religion, society besides the physicals basic expression for erections and sexuality.

Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make sexuality anything more than the physical design of the biology of my male body and to abuse the body through participating in the mind as images, pictures, imagination, fantasizing about others/anything and fitting my sexuality into that and giving that power as desires and urges and thus compromising myself and LIFE, as I am now contaminated by impurities as judgements and giving that energetic experiences and power of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT question anything within common sense through utilizing the physical as my reference but instead attempting to use the mind as knowledge and information to keep the illusions real and to keep myself BOUND to enslavement through the mind as energy, as attempting to be MORE than the physical which is without judgement and simply simple, direct and pure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Desire a relationship as something to fulfill me, to make me feel valuable, to give me a purpose in this life, where I want and desire a relationship to distract me from who I am, where the other person is filling and making up everything I feel I lack or am “bad” in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a relationship from the starting point of separation where the point of seeking a relationship is to find someone that will make me FEEL better about who I am and not challenge me to actually in fact change, to accept me as me without question, and where I can then share my life with this other person without being challenged and continue to be who I know I am that isn’t best for all.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the IDEA of relationships were something that my parents, society and culture had to teach me, program me with, for me to accept it as normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the person I am in a relationship within is my possession, belongs to me, and thus, I have this experience when I seek a relationship that I must be careful who I choose, who I will possess, who I will owe, who I will control, in the fear of that if I make an agreement with someone that does not fit my IDEA of a “perfect” partner, where this perfect partner is actually just perfect within fitting my IDEA/believes and opinions, and thus Fear that if I choose the wrong girl that I will be challenged and thus NOT loved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on HOW relationships should work from my parents without question, and to just accept It as normal, as the way it should be, never questioning that if MY parents relationship was the IDEAL relationship as an example to me and human kind, then why is the world all fucked up? Abandoning all common sense for the sake of what my parents relationship showed me as the control, possession, deception, freedom to abuse and use in fact for the sake of how each person feels, and not how it contributes in fact to the world as a whole as creating and maintaining a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a Young kid, as a male, look at girls and feel shy, feeling like I am the Opposite of a girl, and that girls are aliens to males, and thus I must develop a method of deception and manipulation to simply interact with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a young kid, feel weird around girls, based on what I have heard and seen within society and culture, where males must be strong and confident and have the guts to simply TAKE a women, yet I always felt I missed those qualities, and so I found having general relationships with girls as impossible by just being me, so I had to create this game just to interact with girls.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the feeling of having NO support in my childhood years on what it is I am experiencing within me towards girls, the opposite sex, and why I am experiencing the things I was, and that I was left all alone to figure it out by myself, and so I would take other kids. Other males as example, what they show me, what I see ad what I hear and to within that program and train myself slowly but surely to become these other males, their examples, to find a way to define and direct what I was experiencing within me towards girls.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Confuse general conversation with girls as being different to what I had with Boys, simply because of what TV, media, family and society has given to me as an idea, that you need to steal a girls heart, you need to play a girls heart, you need to be a real man, where this real man Idea was so farfetched that I never felt like I was reaching it, and thus always feeling like I was losing out, and so within these ideas created by society as male and female and how it “should” be confuse my experiences with what others are saying, never really understanding anything I was experiencing within me, yes giving it definitions of the SYSTEM, such as what I am experiencing towards girls is called “love” – not realizing that this was simply other people transferring their confusions to me about that experiences they had as kids to me and “explaining” it. Calling it love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I talked to a girl as a kid and experiencing myself anxious due to what I have learned and heard from others what I as a male am supposed to be and what Girls are supposed to be and to then interpret it as LOVE, yet it was simply anxiety that was heightened due to me DEFINING myself in those moments within interacting with girls based on the feedback, if I am a real MAN or not. Which came from all the opinions/ideas and believes my family, culture and society has sold me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that when I was a baby I had NO internal experiences within me interacting with anyone, and that only later on after a lot of programming has already taken hold on me based on my sexuality and what it is supposed to be and how it is supposed to look and act, that I started creating Ideas/believes and opinions within me which compromised ME to simply express myself around anyone equally the same, where I would now place myself in a category of what type of male I am and so start searching and finding a “girl” that fits my MALE Ideas/believes/opinions I have created of myself, as what I DO have as a male and what I lack as a male and so find a girl that just accepts me and my fears/insecurities and make me feel just at home within my own believes/ideas and opinions that I accepted and allowed to exist within me without question since childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse ALL the Biased information that I have received from society, family, culture as ALL the information as the feelings/emotions and thoughts that it created within me as “attraction” as “sexuality” towards the opposite sex, and explaining it as LOVE, and to within this connect the energy that was created within me due to all the information to sex and love. Seeing and realizing that all it really was is BAD education and NO understanding and thus I was left to my own vices.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at girls and to think, wow, they are so different from me, and to within this create a separation between me and girls and thus a point of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret this fear as the energy experience that I have/had towards girls as being a form of attraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the feeling of fear/anxiety that I have/had towards girls as being something that “meant” something more than what was HERE, me and another person talking, and to take this more and to place it into two categories of love or sexual.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure around a girl within communication and can’t find my words or stumble or feel as if I need to say interesting things, smart things, or make jokes that it means I must like her, there must be some sort of meaning to this that is more than me, and to label it as love, instead of seeing and realizing the facts that it is what I have been taught/educated about “male/female” relationships by society and where I have placed me within those definitions according to my Looks, my social stand, my economic status, and even my “race” as a human, and to either place myself high or low or in-between, and to within this I will also have different levels of communicating to different girls based on where I have placed them within these categories that society/family/culture has placed within me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am around a girl/women, to actually slow down and to realize and see that what I am experiencing within me has nothing to do with the other person, and that the other person has actually in fact NO power or possible way of making me experiencing anything within me, as if that was true then I would have practically been able to make any women fall in love with me at any time, and thus I see and realize that it is all a mind job, where I am playing myself based on programming/brainwashing/mind control that has been placed within me since birth by family/society and culture and thus what I am experiencing is inherently MINE and has nothing to do with the other person, and thus I am fully responsible for what exist in me and can never claim or say to someone else, that THEY are making me experience myself a certain way, such as LOVE OR sexual attraction. And thus it is actually blame.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I want to create a relationship with a girl, where it is ONLY me and her, together forever based on how I experienced myself when I am in the presence of this other person, then the relationship will always and only be based on how I experience myself and hold the other person responsible for this experience and thus I will in all my power and control attempt to keep the other person I am in a relationship with exactly the same and never grand change or improvement for them, as that would mean I will lose MY experience that I have within me that I have attached and blamed the other person for as my experience as love, and then also hold the person responsible for how I will experience myself as anger, hate, frustration, jealousy, name them all, if they change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I must first be in a relationship with a girl/women before I can have sex, and to within this believe as a child, start playing a game of manipulating girls, to get girls to LOVE me so that I can have sex with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now use the fears and anxieties that I have labelled as LOVE to manipulate and deceive girls to fall in love with me, where my LOVE if covering ALL their fears, where MY love is now the band aid to all their insecurities and fears and where I then become the perfect match for them and so I have their Trust, and so I can have sex with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through the early on realization in my teenage years where I realized girls fall for love more easily than boys as girls have more fears than boys based on the same programming Both boys and Girls received from child hood, where girls are fragile and weaker and more emotional and boys are the opposite, to play this programming by using LOVE as a way to get to sex and to within this abuse the girl and in the end make the fears come true as the “male” and “female” definitions that we were thought as kids and got as impressions as kids, and so continue to live out the sins of the fathers, and as I get older start looking for a girl that will give me sex and even marry for this reason and abuse and manipulate it all as being LOVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ENJOY using the word LOVe as an easy way to simply catch a girl and to get her to have sex, and to even justify my unconditional LOVE as being real and genuine to the world, and completely hide the sex factor so deep that not even I can admit it to myself anymore and will even now DIE for this love, as I know I want sex and will have sex before I even die and that makes this LOVE so real and pure, as it will make my very wish come true even at death, as I have through this love captured and trapped the other person/girl for eternity and she is MINE now and forever and thus sex is guaranteed even till death.

Day 542 – Money relationship, Life relationship Part 1

Do you remember when you were small, like really small and young, before you knew anything about money, before you even knew that money played a part in your LIFE, in your expression, in what you can and cannot do?

I do, I remember when I was small and young and I could just play my days away, explore my home and the garden, make friends and play with friends, where I could just sit in my room for hours doing my own thing – I remember when I could just pack a back pack full of toys or things and pretend that I am going on a journey through our garden.

Not everyone had the same childhood experiences of course, I also had the bad moments, those moments where I got yelled at or spanked for doing something I wasn’t supposed to do or that was wrong., and where me and my siblings would fight and not get along, or with friends, or any other form of conflict that could possibly have taken place, and of course in some families far worse.

The point I am bring in here is, can you really remember those moments of when you were young and small, where you were along with yourself and your mind was still quit empty, not as much BS as there is now, where you could still be in touch with you when you are with yourself, in your moment, I would like you to find those moments or even just one moment if you can, those moments where you are you regardless of who is around you or your circumstances, if you had money or not.

Because at some point in all our lives, when we were young and small, we weren’t aware that MONEY was a factor in our lives, we weren’t aware that money deiced anything and everything of our environments and how the adults are around us, and yet in this point of innocence we were still HERE, we were still ourselves as an expression.

So find that moment in your life before you had any relationship with money, and see who you were, now look at who you are and how your entire life, every action is based on money and around money and for money or in fear of no money.

Bring back that self, that child that can be here, stand as LIFE as an expression of LIFE regardless of what ones current money situation is, do not live for money, live with money, change the relationship where money is just a tool, like a hammer, yes it can do a LOT more than a hammer, it can make sure hammers are being build, but I am simply using the hammer example as a reference to what money and our relationship toward it must be, once we see money as a tool, we will much more easily deal with money, and who we are as our expression as LIFE isn’t dependent on money and how we feel or what we do as who we are, sure money can limit what we physically can do OUT there, but we are always with ourselves here and money cannot decide that relationship. even if a bag of a billion dollars falls from the sky, who you are must not change.

Just as a side note - do not misinterpret this blog, this is about my/our relationshop towards money within us that needs to be first cleared, money on the outside world as it currently exists, control every aspect of our lives and what is happening on this planet, and we can only stand in absolute clarity within changing this world with money and what we have if we stand no matter what within ourselves in clarity as WHO we are and all our relationships towards money and how we have defined ourselves as money and with money and stop that, and thus also laying out the solutions needed in this world more clearly and how to stand as examples for those that takes this path now.

In a follow up blog, I am exploring my own relationship towards money and my relationship with myself as LIFE and doing so within self-forgiveness, the above blog is simply a realization and insight I have placed for myself.

Day 200 – Making Money the Church Way – commitments.

I commit myself to show that - to want to change the world by oneself is EGO and impossible and only an attempt to feel special and unique and thus not wanting to change the world in fact, as the world is a GROUP and thus one and equal we must change the world as a group supporting each other within consistency and to be reliable.

I commit myself to show that to change the world as a group we must use what is already here in terms of systems that has effective ways of moving as groups, and to use these systems and re-align them to be that which is best for all life such as the system that the churches use around the world to make money within the context of the group and not the message/religion.

I commit myself to show that only MONEY is in fact the only way we can change the world as the world is governed and moved by money and nothing else.

I commit myself to show that as a group we here at Desteni and everyone that joins us will make a change this lifetime if all that comes apply what the churches have been applying for thousands of years and have proven for thousands of years that their system works within making a shit load of money and to even take over the world, where each individual contributes but only 10% a month of what they have – and so not really making a difference on the individual but as a group where all do the same the money will be made which will be used to move and direct one and equal within and as this world to a place that is bets for all life till no money is required to live anymore.

I commit myself to give as I would like to receive and to let go of all fear, realizing that the fear is showing me I am existent within self interest and not making decisions on what is best for all life.

I commit myself to chow that as long as the group does not contribute equally and consistently that the group will over time create the consequences of not moving or going anywhere and that the principal we as the groups stand for will never come to life, and to show that the group self in creating this through fear and holding back within giving.

I commit myself to show that once the group supports the group within giving that the group will grow and start to move, but until then nothing can happen.

I commit myself to give all I can to the group as money that I know is money I am holding onto out of fear after setting out my practical budget first each month and to sustain myself first and to do this regardless of who else is, as this will be seen and to others will do the same and that the money I am giving can become less as more do as I do.

I commit myself to show that everyone always has money to give away as long as everyone that is here can be here and any fear/reaction to this point is justification and self interest.

I commit myself to show that Christianity is such a success because even the poorest of the poor will give anything they have for what they truly belief in, and that Desteni will not make it unless the group realizes that desteni/EMS is the actual in fact only solution this life and that because no one is doing this yet out of self will/movement is because there is self interest fear and still to much comfort and thus no real change and consideration of the rest of life suffering every second.belief in what you do!! trust it completely in every moment and we will be unstoppable.

I commit myself to show/inform/educate people that change can only happen if we stand one and equal to and as the current system that is here within making money to the maximum/optimum and that anything less is ego and compromise and only showing that the current system of abuse that is destroying life has more dedication more discipline and more trust in this system of abuse then those claiming to stand for LIFE and best for all, and to show it is fucking unacceptable and so I start with myself as the example as I walk to make money through getting a job and standing one and equal as the system and to dedicate and commit a percentage of my money to that which is bets for all life no matter what while the opportunity is here and I am not in the gutters yet as millions of others are facing yearly due to the economic collapses and job cuts.

I commit myself to show that there is no excuse.JOIN us, walk with - us and see how we are doing this. breaking the self imposed limitations of what is possible to change this world to a place that is BEST for ll LIFE

Day 199 – Christianity shows the way to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as we live in a world that is driven/built on/by money and where money has the power that the only way we can change anything is obviously with money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that without money we as a group cannot do anything and will always just be in the same position till we eventually run out of time and end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Money is what the elite has that makes them able to decide on what happens in the world, and thus it is obvious that if we as a group has money we can start moving equally and make decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone and resist out of pure fear to share/give as I would like to receive my money within what is best for all life as supporting the solution as the equal money system and Desteni .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that in this LIFE I will lose all my money and everything I have within the way the world is heading, thus I can decide to either lose my money through supporting a new way of life so that when I lose my money a new system will be born that supports me from birth till death and thus no money is required, or I can hold onto my money and lose it within the system taking/ripping everything from me and cause suffering and abuse to me and LIFE, seeing and realizing that the fear is a lack of in fact understanding the real situation we are all in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that money is the key and walking as a group is the only way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather spend my money on shit that I do not really need then giving it away to a life that is best for all life within the belief that it is my money, which is obviously indicating that I do not know anything about money and how it works as money belongs to the banks and I am always with every note I have in debt to the banks and thus as long as I have money to hold onto I am a slave to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see and realize that as a group money will not be a problem to accumulate IF everyone as the group contributes and sticks to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I do not do my part as an equal within standing in absolute trust that what I am standing as and thus have no problem with supporting it always consistently, that I will place pressure on those that do and they have to do more, seeing and realizing that the more people stand in support the less pressure and easy it becomes for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not making it this life within changing the world as and when it seems like we are running out of money to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be driven by fear instead of self movement within the understanding of what I am doing within my movement and thus the movement will be stable and consistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that how the CHURCH has successfully taken over the world was not because of rich people putting all their money together – it was because BILLIONS of people put little by little together where it all goes to the same point and thus has no effect on the individuals - as the group is supporting equally consistently, and thus this is how we will change the world and the only way we can change the world as - a group, using what is already here that worked and still working to have success this life time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the reason Christianity has taken over the world and has over two billion followers and that the church makes a shit load of money (billions) is because the people actually belief in what they stand for and will without hesitation support what they stand for with money every Sunday throwing their 10% in even if in reality in fact it is all bullshit , thus seeing and realizing that if I am not willing to do the same for what I stand for in all ways within absolute trust as this is the solution as it is in fact the only solution that ever existed as the Desteni message and equal money system , then I have to seriously reflect onto myself and correct the point and see why I am not standing equal and one with the system to change the system.

To be continued.