Day 542 – Money relationship, Life relationship Part 1

Do you remember when you were small, like really small and young, before you knew anything about money, before you even knew that money played a part in your LIFE, in your expression, in what you can and cannot do?

I do, I remember when I was small and young and I could just play my days away, explore my home and the garden, make friends and play with friends, where I could just sit in my room for hours doing my own thing – I remember when I could just pack a back pack full of toys or things and pretend that I am going on a journey through our garden.

Not everyone had the same childhood experiences of course, I also had the bad moments, those moments where I got yelled at or spanked for doing something I wasn’t supposed to do or that was wrong., and where me and my siblings would fight and not get along, or with friends, or any other form of conflict that could possibly have taken place, and of course in some families far worse.

The point I am bring in here is, can you really remember those moments of when you were young and small, where you were along with yourself and your mind was still quit empty, not as much BS as there is now, where you could still be in touch with you when you are with yourself, in your moment, I would like you to find those moments or even just one moment if you can, those moments where you are you regardless of who is around you or your circumstances, if you had money or not.

Because at some point in all our lives, when we were young and small, we weren’t aware that MONEY was a factor in our lives, we weren’t aware that money deiced anything and everything of our environments and how the adults are around us, and yet in this point of innocence we were still HERE, we were still ourselves as an expression.

So find that moment in your life before you had any relationship with money, and see who you were, now look at who you are and how your entire life, every action is based on money and around money and for money or in fear of no money.

Bring back that self, that child that can be here, stand as LIFE as an expression of LIFE regardless of what ones current money situation is, do not live for money, live with money, change the relationship where money is just a tool, like a hammer, yes it can do a LOT more than a hammer, it can make sure hammers are being build, but I am simply using the hammer example as a reference to what money and our relationship toward it must be, once we see money as a tool, we will much more easily deal with money, and who we are as our expression as LIFE isn’t dependent on money and how we feel or what we do as who we are, sure money can limit what we physically can do OUT there, but we are always with ourselves here and money cannot decide that relationship. even if a bag of a billion dollars falls from the sky, who you are must not change.

Just as a side note - do not misinterpret this blog, this is about my/our relationshop towards money within us that needs to be first cleared, money on the outside world as it currently exists, control every aspect of our lives and what is happening on this planet, and we can only stand in absolute clarity within changing this world with money and what we have if we stand no matter what within ourselves in clarity as WHO we are and all our relationships towards money and how we have defined ourselves as money and with money and stop that, and thus also laying out the solutions needed in this world more clearly and how to stand as examples for those that takes this path now.

In a follow up blog, I am exploring my own relationship towards money and my relationship with myself as LIFE and doing so within self-forgiveness, the above blog is simply a realization and insight I have placed for myself.

Over Loaded – Keep Smiling Part 2

Over Loaded – Keep Smiling Part1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overload myself with information intake through not breathing and grounding myself within the moment of receiving new information, where I instead think and over think and let the information spin around in my mind instead of breathing and absorbing the information as me in the moment.

When and as I am receiving new information from someone else and I am overloading myself with the new information through attempting to store ALL the information I have ever received in one place, I stop, I breathe, I ground myself with what is here and what is here to deal with, to take in, and to direct and move myself accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overwhelm myself with information intake when new information is received within the underlining fear of losing the information and to within this fear, rush all the information into my head and wanting to act on the information immediately before I can lose it.

When and as I see myself being in a state of fearing losing information that I am receiving, I stop, I breathe, I direct myself to NOT make this a point of the mind or ego, where I believe that I must be able to take in all this information at once, and I direct myself to after receiving all the information to slow down and to ask questions on the information I did not get/receive or understood and to physically integrate the information as a practical breathable phase, which is self-supporting and assisting myself in the moment to remain grounded and stable, to not make/create it into a mind point, and to write things down and not rely on the mind to be superior in theory, as it isn’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overload myself with information intake through taking in all the information I can in a conversation in the fear of, not getting all the information and then missing a point and not being able to act on the new information and be effective.

When and as I see myself being in the point of fearing losing a point within receiving information, I stop/I breathe, I direct myself within common sense, there is no need to fear losing and information as I can simply ask again, or clarify, thus I direct myself to be direct and to take authority as myself to ask.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being effective due to having lack of information and to within this rush myself and attempt to take in ALL of the information in one moment and to then make myself anxious and stressed holding onto all the information and to then wanting to act on the new information as soon as possible before I might lose it.

When and as I see myself fear not being effective just because I do not have certain information within me or with me, I stop and I breathe and I direct myself to be effective in the moment, to move myself in stability in and as the physical where I take the directive point of making myself effective and not relying on any outside information, where I equip myself with effectiveness, where I give myself the tools of effectiveness, using myself as breathing and directing and moving accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing information and to then not be effective within my application, and to give up and feel overloaded and not like I am capable of doing a single thing when a part of the information is missing and to within this completely postpone or NOT move myself for a long time, in fear of moving myself without having all the information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on information to decide how I will move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear learning new information as I move, believing that learning new information as I move along makes me seem ineffective and not professional, seeing and realizing that this is the mind protecting its own self-created limitations through creating all these little tiny reasons and points that leads to one not moving directing self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be limited to information only, and thus making a limited edition out of myself that can only be mobile once I have the information and useless when I have no information.

Over Loaded - Keep smiling Part 1

Who am I in this moment, I have noticed how I look at a point within myself from the perspective of seeing the point outside of myself. Instead of taking the point real time here as myself writing it out, so I asked myself, who am I in this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to state for myself who I am in this moment and to within this question feel lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lost as a way of avoiding not having to SEE direct what is here as me in this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within the feeling of being lost to not have to look at the points that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid looking within, in myself to be intimate with myself and to see what is here a me as all that I have been living in secret and not sharing this and not investigating this and to just let it linger and grow and to not come out, as I see and realize in this moment that my Ego do not want these points to come out, I do not want to expose the Me that IS here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the Ego must always be protected at all costs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my ego is protecting others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I let my guard down (my ego down) that I will expose my weaknesses and within this everyone else that has built confidence within me as my ego will now see the truth of me of who I am inside and lose the confidence they have within me and so fall within themselves as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others are building themselves and who they are around who I am and who I give myself forth to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build/create myself according to how others are and to within this make my character dependent on others characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide who I am behind a mask – my ego – in the believe that others are depending on me for keeping this mask/ego for them to be who they are and that if I drop this mask, that the other people will in that moment feel weak/unable to now stand as themselves as they have created themselves on this image I created around them.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the mask I carry/weak is only for my own self-interest and not for that of others, and for me having this fear that makes no sense is nonsense and thus a excuse/justification for why I am not looking into Who I am in this moment.

So I take a deep breathe, I relax, I keep breathing and I now stop the observation participation, I need to be in my body in my totality of who I am here, I need to literally be here to see who I am in this moment. I feel my eyes are heavy, I feel my hands are hungry to type, there is so much to write about, I haven’t written for myself in ages, I enjoy writing.

I am sitting on my right foot underneath my left upper leg folded onto the chair while I sit with a bend back leaning with my shoulders forward and typing with my hands while my bottom parts of my wrists are laying on the table with my hands/fingers dancing all over the keyboard.

While this is the Physical Image/pat of me as my expression – it is quite uncomfortable the way I am sitting, not supporting myself, I am having back pain now sitting this way and my back is stressing up as I write – this is self-support points related.

I am tired –this is who I am in the moment, the tiredness is me being tired in my eyes – the mind, I have been thinking all day, I have been arguing all day, I have been in many many different conversations all day, I have done so many things today that required me to direct and direct and direct and listen and listen and listen and speak and speak and speak and move and move and move, and then ALL this new information that comes in everyday all the time, from all different areas of my world, this person and then that person and then this person and then that person.

The information isn’t just a quick remember this or that kind of thing, NO it’s every time information coming from people that actually are Re directing my entire day three or four times a day and then my entire week three or four times a day, the information in my head is shaken and thrown around all the fucking time.

It’s never just simple my days, do this and get it done, its fucking new things every day, just as I think wow I have a system that works then BAM in your face – here is a new systems and implement it NOW and make it work now and then this new system effects all other systems and decisions and this effects my entire business for the day and the week and the movement of everything.

So who am I in this moment – I am over loaded – inside myself, I feel like there is NO more space for anything, I have tried many techniques but they all work only temporarily, I require a permanent solution – which is breathing consistently, but this I require to work on more - and taking in information at a consistent phase while changing information all the time – and not letting that build up.

Daily writing is definitely suggested.

To be continued with Self forgiveness.

Day 270 – To Start is a Good Start self forgiveness.

continuing from Day 269 - To Start is a Good Start

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see a point that requires to be done to first think about it and to wonder about it and to go into the world of imagination and to lose myself within it and to only end up not getting to the point or to postpone it till later when I am forced to do it anyway, instead of seeing and realizing that simplicity of Starting and to move from there, which requires no thinking or imagination as the feedback is real time and live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when and as I have to do something that to wonder about it will not get the thing done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to go into the mind as Imagination about something that requires to be done is completely useless as it will not get it done and only postpone and create resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always first think about what I need to do even if and when I have already seen what needs to be done directly and to instead just start, which requires no thinking about it as I am doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see what I need to do and what I can do within the principal of what is best for all life always to first think about it and to only maybe later do it or even never, seeing and realizing that I have sabotaged myself and actually limited myself within thinking about it instead of taking that one first step of starting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see what is required to do in the moment that really only takes that one step of starting in the moment to first stop and to consider and think and wonder on my fears about it and to then based on my fears make a decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my decisions on fear as if they are valid and real, when and as I can always first make the decision to start first and to then check what is here as real feedback and not as the mind and how the mind interoperate reality which is always based on my own personal fears and desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to start is a good start as a way to get things done is me actually giving myself in the moments that present themselves the courage to step out of my own self created limitations and fears and to expand and learn and to always move forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as the opportunity is here for me to start something to first sit back and think about it, seeing and realizing that in the act of sitting back and thinking about it first I am actually setting myself back already within a decision of first considering my fears and desires before acting which is me limiting myself first and only then maybe expand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if and when I see and realize something in the moment that the only act that is required of me is to start and to not think about it, because once I start thinking about it I bring in the past and my experiences with it that will set me back and thus creating fear/stress and anxiety, giving away the clarity of what I see in the moment with fogging it up with thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stepping in the moment forward and to start something new or to get something done or to do what needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear starting in the moment when the point is here and the opportunity within making maybe a mistake, not seeing and realizing that if I make a mistake or if the point does not work out at least I will know for a fact instead of sitting for months thinking about it or imagining shit about it and never knowing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear starting to act and do what is best for all life within and as what is here currently and what requires to be done as I fear that I might not be able to make it or be good enough, not seeing and realizing that I will never know if I do not start and starting with a unconditional starting point of willingness to do what needs to be done to make it work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear starting as I know my fear within starting implied me giving up that comfort zone of never starting and always being in a save zone where I take no risks and where I do not challenge myself as what and who I have accepted and allowed myself to become/be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear starting what I see needs to be done as that which is best for all life as myself within my daily living within the idea that I will start and not be able to finish, seeing and realizing that it is the mind wanting to keep me limited and enslaved so that I can be trapped in energy of which the mind feeds.

I commit myself to give myself in the moment that present themselves the courage of saying yes to starting and to make that starting point unconditional where I am open to what needs to be done as that which is best for all life in each breathe within self honesty.

I commit myself to give myself the courage of using and living the statement “to start is a good start” within anything that needs to be done where I experience resistance to push myself out of my own fears and to see and realize them and to stop all self imposed limitations created within the mind within self interest and to break free from the prison of my mind.

Day 269 – To Start is a Good Start.

Day 269 – To Start is a Good Start.

Within yesterdays blog I wrote down these few words a few times “starting is a good start”, and it is within this that I saw simplicity and how things get done.

Whenevera I have to write a blog or built a cupboard or cut the grass or read a book or write a blog or make money – I always first sit and thing and wonder how am I going to do it, how is it going to get done, when will I get it done can I even do it. Usually it ends up that I postpone the point till way later and then I am forced into doing it which is then a situation of stress instead of self movement.
Lets take the most recent point I am walking.

I am in the process of changing myself and so changing the world, this is what I am doing daily within my living and participation with Desteni and Equal Money System.

I have realized within my four and a half years doing/living/walking this that there is one point that is missing, it is like a final ingredient to how we can in fact make a difference within this world.

And this is with LOTS of people that care and understand and that see what we are doing and so support and assist the solution to become real this LIFE.

Now this is a big point within the current state that the world is within, the world is in big shit with money and money is tight, and people that do want to change the world don’t have money usually, or just enough, or they are in starvation/poverty/famine and can’t even move one arm to change the world because I guarantee they all want to change the world.

So Here I am facing this point as myself, we need money, the group and everyone walking as the group needs money, we need to get money to move we need to have money to stand for what is best for all life and support and assist ourselves within doing so effectively. As we are all slaves to money still and so nothing can happen without money, its a cold fact.

And I have been wondering for a long time now How can I make LOTS of money to put towards standing for life, how can I move myself and direct myself to make money in a world that is shit, where money is mostly already within the rich people’s hands, how will I get my hands on that.


Well that isn’t the point, because when I look around me going to town or the mall every now and again and I see the people around me and what they are doing, I see that those that still have money spends it on a lot of CRAP, I mean really – money is spend on bullshit. And here I am worried about how will we make money to do what is necessary to be done to change the world for that which is best for all life. Even in a tough economy people still send money on shit.

So I have been using this fear of where will I get the money in a shot economy and how will I get it to not move myself to not START.

And because I did not start way back I never found out, so I have been keeping it all inside my head as ideas and beliefs and really just sabotaging myself and compromising my life and the entire group as a whole to get to money to actually start moving.

I know we need to be a Million Destoninas to have this journey easy, but getting people to understand is like trying to tell a rock he is a rock, lol, so we are a few that has to carry the load till we have a million carry one stone each as a group, instead of a millions stones each as a tiny group.

So here I am facing this point still and I am now actually walking this point, I had a job interview to become a car salesmen, I first wanted to become a truck driver and ear money that way, as a means of funding a world/life that is best for All life in the long run within establishing the EMC/EMS.

And I am now awaiting a call from the car company I went to, they will call me in a week or so and let me know what is happening and then I will see if it works out or not, does it make money or will it be a slow slave driving job with no results. And from there take a different way.

So what i found within this point was how easy it is really to START, and through starting I start to see and I start to realize points and I have realize how the mind cannot interprate reality really at all, lol in my mind there was no jobs since my country has a fifty parent unemployment, yet Here was a opening, and then I realize that if there is job opening there is still money that can be put to salaries for people, please it must be obvious that there is a opening for me because I already have money and education and the exception is that I already knew the people as well..

All I had to do was to stop thinking about it and go out there and start, to not fear any answer or expectation and to simply unconditionally start, it makes it so easy and simple to move myself within all of this.

It is the same way I started with Desteni and walking self forgiveness and learning self honesty and so first - I decided to unconditionally start and to do it, here I am and I am doing it, I started and I started with a clean open slate to learn and to grow and to see things for myself.

Don’t think and worry about things, go out and start to check the point physically for yourself and to then have a clear answer that gives a clear direction to take, if one has truly followed through on checking the real answer/reality of the situation.

Next Self forgiveness.

Day 155 - Am I ready.

Today Things in my life took a unexpected change of events, well it is planned to change, I made the decision to Go out into the matrix and do some work to make money.

I decided that I am going to investigate and see if it is possible for me to become a Truck Driver.

The first question that came up was - Am I ready to do this?

When I asked myself the question many things came up that revealed why I belief I am not ready, and Fear came in, not a lot or fear, just a general fear of something new, which should not be general lol.

The points that came.

Will I be accepted for such a job?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be accepted for such a job due to how I look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that how I look is important in relation to if I am able to do the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that others will judge if I can do the job or not due to how I look, seeing and realizing that this is my own judgment of myself where I have judged myself as looking to "young" to be able to be trusted with a job that is delegate.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself due to my oneself judgment of I look to young and not mature enough to do the jobs that is meant for grown up people, or rather people that looks grown up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that how I look is just how I look, it isn’t who I am and what I am capable of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that only men that looks tough and strong and rough can get a job to drive a truck, as I have judged driving a truck as being a poor man’s job and where all poor people are tough as they have endured more suffering and pain in their lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I have to had suffered and endured pain in my life to become tough and strong and rough so that I can handle a job such as driving a truck where I have to live in a truck for days on the road and meeting and interacting with strangers and with the possibility of danger around every corner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a truck driver as there will always be the possibility of danger and that I fear I cannot handle it as I did not grow up in poor conditions that could have conditioned me to handle more abuse suck as being robbed/attacked/harmed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when a person looks at me that has to hire me for the job of driving trucks will give me one look and say " you look to soft to handle such a job" and not give me the job just because of that, even though I know I am more than capable of doing such a job because of the process I have walked with Desteni for the last 4 years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being accepted by a person that employs people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be all excited about being a truck driver and when I go to apply for the job the person will say - sorry there isn’t any work for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that there will not be any work for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make driving a truck the only option for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Feel like I am to young to do work such a driving a truck and having the responsibility of all the stuff in the truck and to get it to the delivery points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get my hopes up instead of breathing and walking in each breathe practicality here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of " I am failing me truck driver license and losing all hope of getting the job" to exist within me and to through this already fear not making it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the future in and as the mind in projecting what might happen or not and thus compromise myself and sabotaging myself, instead of breathing here looking at the practical steps in each breathe in space and time and moving myself accordingly to get the job.

To be continued.