Daily Rituals - Good or Bad?

I have dealt with a lot of Addictions in my life, from Porn, Alcohol to smoking as the obvious ones. We have many addictions that we participate within, such as coffee, sweets and just spending money.
I have worked with Habits and patterns for the past few years of my life to deconstruct them and to understand them, to see who I am within my patterns and habit, why I formed them, how I formed them and if they are actually supportive or not.

I have found that 90% of my habits and patterns just like the obvious addictions and the not so obvious ones are not best for me or anyone else. in some cases they are supportive.

Yesterday I woke up and I once again in awareness walked through my morning within just waking up, I looked at the patterns and the habits that come up during my morning routine and why I do them, how I do them and what is it all for in the way I am waking up and going about my morning.
Within this the word Ritual came up, I noticed, specifically withing my morning routine that the patterns and the habits of the morning routine together forms a ritual. This brought me to a whole other level of understanding myself and not only how I do things but more specifically the WHY, as the believes and ideas behind the how.

Lets look at the noun for ritual

a religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according 

to a prescribed order.

Now, here we have to take into account the definition of prescribe as well, as understanding this word within Ritual brings quit a bit to the surface.

Definition of Prescribe - state authoritatively or as a rule that (an action or procedure) should be carried out.

Within the word prescribe we can also simply use IMPOSE, Each morning when I wake up I have a set of patterns and habits that I am imposing onto myself to LIVE as my ritual, as I believe doing things a certain way will make me experience myself a certain way, and this has some truth to it, except it is in reverse. We believe that HOW and what we do changes who we are, so we create certain patterns and habits that forms a ritual that we live to change how we experience ourselves and thus how we will take on each day.

The problem I have found with this is that the ritual becomes a dependency, and if we for some reason can not fulfill the ritual then the magical powers we receive from it will not be there and thus we will experience ourselves differently.

In my morning ritual after getting out of bed, I MUST first Drink water, if I do not have that first cup of water then I have the believe that I will have a dry mouth all day, that my body will be tired and not feel strong. Even if this is true and practical to have a glass of water each morning first, what compromises such practical point i the FEAR attached to it of if we do not do it, thus this practical point has now become a ritual of polarities, where we do one thing to avoid the other, and if we should ever compromise this ritual then we access that fear and we live the polarity. Thus we create the problem and enforce the ritual/belief and limit ourselves to this polarity designs.

I used to have it that if I wake up in the morning I MUST wash my face off with water first thing in the morning, or I will feel tired during the day, this ritual activity was enforced by the negative fear point of being tired, so I wash my face each morning out of fear of being tired, confirming to myself that I am tired each and every morning by living this action, and the same goes for drinking water the first thing in the morning, by drinking the water from the starting point of fearing being dehydrated and if I do not drink it, made me wake up every morning with a dry mouth and feeling dehydrated.

I used to use lip balm, to keep my lips soft and moist. I would carry a stick of lip balm with me everywhere I go. Ever few hours I would pop out y lip balm and I would start putting it all over my lips, while I am doing that I would think to myself, YES, keep it nice and soft, moist. what was behind that thinking was that I feared having dry lips that ends up cracking and looking ugly, as I had a believe behind that, that I naturally had dry lips, weak lips, different lips t others, or that the climate does not agree with my specific and special body. So I used lip balm for years, always enforcing the believes within the actions I took, the rituals I participated within, thus the things I IMPOSED onto myself, such as I am always dehydrated, I am always tired, I always have dry lips, and thus I created these rituals to have a positive change so to say, yet I never realized that my rituals were actually making all the things I believed of myself so, to be so, to be true, keeping it and creating it.

I have stopped using lip balm about 14 years ago, and I have never had dry lips again, I have stopped splashing my face in the mornings with water for years now, and I have realized that I can simply be awake, I just had to drop the believes I had of myself, the ideas and opinions I was imposing onto myself, I did these things gradually as to not compromise myself, I obviously did condition the body, so I simply had to unconditioned them and realize that everything has got to do with WHO I AM and that determines what I do.

Let me explain a bit more, currently we have the mentality that we are defined by what we do, and what we do gives us value. which is the same as saying that a Seed of a tree must first be a tree before it has the value of a tree, yet the seed is created and born with that value already, it did not have to become a tree first to have that value, it is naturally the value of the seed. The same with humans, we are BORN with the value of LIFE, we have it, it is us, we do not have to DO all these things before we have value, we simply had to realize we are the value of life ad then LIVE that, it is all in revere.

Because we have revered everything where we now have believes, ideas and opinions of ourselves within our minds about ourselves, we are constantly living in self-comparison with yourself of being worthless or not, and we try to change these believes and ideas and opinions about ourselves through the things we do, and thus we create addictions, habits and patterns and eventually we have rituals. instead of realizing that we need to STOP the beliefs, ideas and opinions we have of ourselves and realize ourselves as the value of LIFE which we inherently are/have. Thus we can GROW from that as LIFE just like how a tree grows from the seed naturally.

So, take a look for yourself, what Rituals do you have that you believe you must perform each and everyday day during your days to be a certain way, to exist a certain way, to experience yourself a certain way, and here I want to be clear, they can be positive or negative rituals, some enjoy negativity and some positive and both are of the same coin.

Because these rituals are keeping the opposite things in place, they impose conditions and are not what they are believed to be. It takes some practice to see deeper dimensions, to see what things are in reverse and to understand what they are actually imposing, creating and keeping in place.

Over Loaded – Keep Smiling Part 2

Over Loaded – Keep Smiling Part1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overload myself with information intake through not breathing and grounding myself within the moment of receiving new information, where I instead think and over think and let the information spin around in my mind instead of breathing and absorbing the information as me in the moment.

When and as I am receiving new information from someone else and I am overloading myself with the new information through attempting to store ALL the information I have ever received in one place, I stop, I breathe, I ground myself with what is here and what is here to deal with, to take in, and to direct and move myself accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overwhelm myself with information intake when new information is received within the underlining fear of losing the information and to within this fear, rush all the information into my head and wanting to act on the information immediately before I can lose it.

When and as I see myself being in a state of fearing losing information that I am receiving, I stop, I breathe, I direct myself to NOT make this a point of the mind or ego, where I believe that I must be able to take in all this information at once, and I direct myself to after receiving all the information to slow down and to ask questions on the information I did not get/receive or understood and to physically integrate the information as a practical breathable phase, which is self-supporting and assisting myself in the moment to remain grounded and stable, to not make/create it into a mind point, and to write things down and not rely on the mind to be superior in theory, as it isn’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overload myself with information intake through taking in all the information I can in a conversation in the fear of, not getting all the information and then missing a point and not being able to act on the new information and be effective.

When and as I see myself being in the point of fearing losing a point within receiving information, I stop/I breathe, I direct myself within common sense, there is no need to fear losing and information as I can simply ask again, or clarify, thus I direct myself to be direct and to take authority as myself to ask.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being effective due to having lack of information and to within this rush myself and attempt to take in ALL of the information in one moment and to then make myself anxious and stressed holding onto all the information and to then wanting to act on the new information as soon as possible before I might lose it.

When and as I see myself fear not being effective just because I do not have certain information within me or with me, I stop and I breathe and I direct myself to be effective in the moment, to move myself in stability in and as the physical where I take the directive point of making myself effective and not relying on any outside information, where I equip myself with effectiveness, where I give myself the tools of effectiveness, using myself as breathing and directing and moving accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing information and to then not be effective within my application, and to give up and feel overloaded and not like I am capable of doing a single thing when a part of the information is missing and to within this completely postpone or NOT move myself for a long time, in fear of moving myself without having all the information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on information to decide how I will move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear learning new information as I move, believing that learning new information as I move along makes me seem ineffective and not professional, seeing and realizing that this is the mind protecting its own self-created limitations through creating all these little tiny reasons and points that leads to one not moving directing self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be limited to information only, and thus making a limited edition out of myself that can only be mobile once I have the information and useless when I have no information.

Over Loaded - Keep smiling Part 1

Who am I in this moment, I have noticed how I look at a point within myself from the perspective of seeing the point outside of myself. Instead of taking the point real time here as myself writing it out, so I asked myself, who am I in this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to state for myself who I am in this moment and to within this question feel lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lost as a way of avoiding not having to SEE direct what is here as me in this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within the feeling of being lost to not have to look at the points that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid looking within, in myself to be intimate with myself and to see what is here a me as all that I have been living in secret and not sharing this and not investigating this and to just let it linger and grow and to not come out, as I see and realize in this moment that my Ego do not want these points to come out, I do not want to expose the Me that IS here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the Ego must always be protected at all costs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my ego is protecting others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I let my guard down (my ego down) that I will expose my weaknesses and within this everyone else that has built confidence within me as my ego will now see the truth of me of who I am inside and lose the confidence they have within me and so fall within themselves as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others are building themselves and who they are around who I am and who I give myself forth to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build/create myself according to how others are and to within this make my character dependent on others characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide who I am behind a mask – my ego – in the believe that others are depending on me for keeping this mask/ego for them to be who they are and that if I drop this mask, that the other people will in that moment feel weak/unable to now stand as themselves as they have created themselves on this image I created around them.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the mask I carry/weak is only for my own self-interest and not for that of others, and for me having this fear that makes no sense is nonsense and thus a excuse/justification for why I am not looking into Who I am in this moment.

So I take a deep breathe, I relax, I keep breathing and I now stop the observation participation, I need to be in my body in my totality of who I am here, I need to literally be here to see who I am in this moment. I feel my eyes are heavy, I feel my hands are hungry to type, there is so much to write about, I haven’t written for myself in ages, I enjoy writing.

I am sitting on my right foot underneath my left upper leg folded onto the chair while I sit with a bend back leaning with my shoulders forward and typing with my hands while my bottom parts of my wrists are laying on the table with my hands/fingers dancing all over the keyboard.

While this is the Physical Image/pat of me as my expression – it is quite uncomfortable the way I am sitting, not supporting myself, I am having back pain now sitting this way and my back is stressing up as I write – this is self-support points related.

I am tired –this is who I am in the moment, the tiredness is me being tired in my eyes – the mind, I have been thinking all day, I have been arguing all day, I have been in many many different conversations all day, I have done so many things today that required me to direct and direct and direct and listen and listen and listen and speak and speak and speak and move and move and move, and then ALL this new information that comes in everyday all the time, from all different areas of my world, this person and then that person and then this person and then that person.

The information isn’t just a quick remember this or that kind of thing, NO it’s every time information coming from people that actually are Re directing my entire day three or four times a day and then my entire week three or four times a day, the information in my head is shaken and thrown around all the fucking time.

It’s never just simple my days, do this and get it done, its fucking new things every day, just as I think wow I have a system that works then BAM in your face – here is a new systems and implement it NOW and make it work now and then this new system effects all other systems and decisions and this effects my entire business for the day and the week and the movement of everything.

So who am I in this moment – I am over loaded – inside myself, I feel like there is NO more space for anything, I have tried many techniques but they all work only temporarily, I require a permanent solution – which is breathing consistently, but this I require to work on more - and taking in information at a consistent phase while changing information all the time – and not letting that build up.

Daily writing is definitely suggested.

To be continued with Self forgiveness.