Day 536 – Back to the word responsibility

About two weeks ago I revisited the word responsibility, only to realize that what I previously redefined as responsibility was still based on the mind, as a point of morality, where I want to be more than reality – thus taking on tasks and things within my reality that was/is unnecessary.

Let me explain a bit more, there is common responsibilities that I have, things that are immediate within my reality, such as eating and supporting my body with nutrients, this is a responsibility where I have to get food, prepare food and eat the food, I have to spend my time and effort on doing so, and it is immediate and obvious as a point of MY responsibility, no one else is going to feed me for me. Then there is more similar responsibilities, such as cleaning myself, taking care of my “space” where I live in and move within.

Then there is a level or responsibilities that is not about ME, yet it is within my ability to respond, such as when I see dog poo laying on the floor, I can wait for whom ever is “supposed to be responsible to pick it up, as it isn’t my dog, BUT it is within my ability within the moment to respond to what is here, I check within myself within self-honesty, do I have the time right now to do it? Yes I do, or No I do not, then I act on it, because I obviously have the ability to pick up some poo and throw it away, so I respond to it, and another point is, if I go to the toilet and I see we need toilet paper, In that moment I have the ability to respond to fetch more toilet paper, it isn’t about who left it empty, or someone else can do it when they need the toilet, it is points that is not about ME yet my responsibility as it is MY reality/environment, but it is to be self-honest in these moments if one has time and the ability.

For example, if I see someone on the side of the road with a flat tire and I do not have the skills to help a person in such a situation, isn’t then my responsibility to help the person with changing or fixing the entire problem within having a flat tire, BUT it is still within my ability to do something – I can stop and see if the person needs help, if help is coming, I can check if I can be of support to help the person with changing the tyre and in the process learn how to do it, that’s my ABILITY in the moment and thus my response, but IF I do not have TIME to stop and help I must be able to take that into account within self-honesty, but if I have the time or not I MUST assess within real time and not of/as the mind where it is simply a point of justification, as in I do not have the time I want to go home and just be lazy, and take into account the dangers of today, the area, the environment etc. – assess moments within common sense and self-honesty of what is HERE as the physical real time.

These are all easy points, they are responsibilities that show themselves to me – I am self-honest within my ability and thus respond equally, but remember, there is ALWAYS a response ability, if you don’t know how to fly a plane, your responsibility is then to learn how to fly a plane, if that is what YOU want to do or need to do for a certain purpose. It is pointless to jump in the believe that I must be responsible now and just fly this plane; it makes no sense as the ability isn’t here yet, the sensible response it to breathe and be self-honest and start from where you are and walk the process to get to flying a plane.

So I realized that I always have an ability to respond, BUT I must be self-honest within my ability and to respond from that ability and expand my ability more and more and thus increase my response.

BUT, I have now fallen into another dimension of the point of responsibility, I have gotten my two feet on the ground to be honest within my ability to respond to my environment and first of all within myself as who I am, BUT I haven’t considered the point yet of creational responsibility, till now.

Where I start being creative within GIVING myself responsibilities, as I have only lived according to what my environment is giving me, but never me giving myself responsibilities, and this if vital, as it is the point of creation/purpose – where I assess what it is I stand for, which is LIFE, what is it that I want to achieve as LIFE, which is oneness and equality to be realized within all Life and to create a world (heaven on earth) where this equality and oneness is implemented and lived, so NOW within my current abilities, where can I within self-honesty RESPOND and take responsibility for what is here and start giving myself direction and purpose till it is done.

I will in more blogs later on write on how this process in real time is taking grip as I learn to give myself responsibilities and developing myself to take on more and more till I stand as Life as responsible, able to respond to LIFE one and equal, an it is most important to be okay with my current abilities and my response as I trust and know the more I take responsibility and develop my abilities and my responses I will grow, I will expand and thus I trust the process as long as I keep walking and applying and living an BREATH.

Day 529 - fear is an interesting emotion

 

fear is an interesting emotion. It is almost a consistent feeling we anticipate/expect within our realities. For example when a snake comes along people freak out, as if the response was already there in a fear just lashing out and screaming and wanting to harm and kill in Fear of what the person fear can maybe happen. I have observed fear in slow motion, specifically with a snake and me handling a wild snake. The fear isn't my own as I can see it come from a pre response that I integrated from my parents and others when I was young, yet I accepted the fear as my own. You should see how a snake respond to people who has fear. The more fear the more the snake becomes aggressive and actually only then put everyone in danger. Blaming the snake. Meantime our fear creates what we fear and it isn't even our fear. We were taught the fear. If we react about or towards something with fear then we can know that we have been living in fear the whole time. That something is just revealing what we exist as

Day 112 – I can’t do Better Character.

Oh yes – This character is a real mind fuck. I have lived in this Character for so long within so many things, giving this character all the good justification to why I just can’t do Better, really I just can’t, look at it, I have tried everything, really, I can’t do better, Oh wait I am just making myself belief that and so within ALL my efforts I am literally sabotaging myself to not do better. 

Why would I sabotage myself to not really do better and to rather give into the easy way of not doing better – well there is my answer- to have it easy, to not have to be ABLE to take Responsibility – to develop the ability to respond, so I am within this wanting to only have things easy “reacting the whole time instead of responding.

And so within this reaction I am having the whole time backed up with all these awesome great excuses such as Back-chat conversations in my head and secret mind (thoughts) to why I am reacting and not doing better I am only reacting to what the real reason is that is hidden. 

Example.

I have to build a wooden desk – the task was given to me to build a wooden desk and I accepted it. I started working on the desk and a day or two later I was done. 

The desk looked like shit and the structure is shit and I felt I accomplished something. Then the judgment day arrived where others now will see what I made and obviously they will question what I did and why I did it the way I did it and so forth.

So as I await the judgment I have already BEFOREHAND while I was working on the desk and as I worked on the desk and as I SAW what I can do as making a awesome desk BUT instead I did not do it even as I saw it was possible because I saw that it would have required me to be more patient and do more work, so I ended up doing it the quick and easy way and that was easy. And while I saw and ignored the Better way, as the ability to response to what I see needs to be done and that is practical and best for all, I immediately created reasons and Justifications and excused in my mind within secret conversations within myself that I KNEW I was going to use when others see what I saw and that they will not hesitate to question my actions, and I will have all the ammunition ready (excuses/reasons/justifications) to why I did it the way I did it while I clearly know it is a fucking LIE. 

So I have done this hundreds of times and I have seen my ass many times and I always ended up with a bag that I carry around with me that is invisible filled with self HATRED and self diminishing characteristics as I always only sabotaged myself and compromised others.

And The best part is – a few years later which is last year and this year – I have made a decision within myself to do things properly and to not sabotage myself and to not compromise the group/environment within how I am using my ability to respond responsibly, and I have learned a couple of things.

The first thing I learned was when I made another few desks is that it is actually much easier to make but more time and to learn much more skills and how to use them to built a much better stronger bigger desk that last long and is stable and then having all these skills to apply everywhere else.

The second thing I told myself was – WHY THE FUCK DID I LIMIT MYSELF, the third thing was – How did I accept and allow such useless Limitations of myself and how the fuck did I convince myself they were so real that I myself believed I could not get past it and that my reasons and justifications were made to be so big I thoughts they were actual mountains and cannot be moved, here I am moving mountains everyday because it isn’t mountains once I stopped the Back-Chat and all the 

excuses/reasons/justifications and my Life actually is so much easier and I have less headaches and I am less tired, and I now know that all the other points in my life where I go “I cannot do better” was and is created by myself because of all the times I fucked around and made it so real as myself as a Character that I believed is me and that it is just who I am built out of thoughts/feelings/emotions and obviously from memories/past experiences.

And this was/is but only one point in relation to building desks.

There are much more, such as me reading, writing, speaking, making art, working on the internet, making money, doing jobs, making videos, studying, etc.

Next up – Self Forgiveness
stay tuned.