Day 525 - What I enjoy doing versus what I have to do

 

What I enjoy versus what I have to do. Or let me change that to taking what I have to do and taking what I enjoy doing and creating a supportive way for me to always enjoy myself in what ever I do. Thus who I am in what I do becomes the enjoyment. See we have it backwards - we do things that we enjoy because they bring joy as an experience inside ourselves which is nice and comfortable. So if it is about how we initially experience ourselves within what we do then we can realize that our experiences are our own and we can thus decide our experiences in what ever we do. If we allow ourselves to let go of the judgements and ideas/beliefs/opinions inside of our minds that we recieved and accepted and allowed from others to become our thinking about everything. But this does not mean accepting and allowing any abuse or harm for self or another. That is a physical experience that needs to be addressed with others or seeking help support. I went from doing what I enjoy most as working outside building and being in nature to doing office work and being indoors and driving all the time as I needed to. So here I decided to change who I am withon it all to make it an expression of myself instead of a limitation.

Day 305 – Directing Tiredness Commitment Statements Part 3

Day 303 – Directing Tiredness  Part1
Day 304 - Directing Tiredness Part 2

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am forcing myself to be awake when I am tired, to instead see if there is time to take a nap and to set my alarm for a small period of time to nap and to take the nap and to get the tiredness out of the way so that I can move forward within my day to be effective and sufficient within applying myself with the daily activities that is still to be done.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into the thought of “seeing myself still having to do so much” to stop and to breathe and to move myself to do things and to not be “set Back” in getting things done through holding onto the thought of what still needs to be done within me feeling tired, seeing and realizing how this makes the tiredness much worse and how I then resist standing up even more to get things done, seeing and realizing how this then turns into me just sitting around, not napping or doing anything constructive but wasting time.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself wasting time because I have the Idea that I am to tired to do anything to instead Stop and to pick myself up and to breath and to move myself to see if it is me being tired or me making myself tired from thinking what still needs to be done.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself thinking about what needs to be done to stop and to breathe and to ask myself a really self honest question, why am I thinking about what still needs to be done instead of doing it, seeing and realizing that the thinking part is what is making me tired and not me actually doing it lol.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself thinking about doing something to stop and to breathe and to see that the thinking part is me projecting what needs to be done that this is done within comparison to what I have already done and thus overwhelming myself in the mind when in fact the actual physical reality of it is much less then what I am making it to be in my head.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself not using my Time in a constructive way to stop and to breathe and question what I am actually doing and why I am wasting my time and to within that be self honest with myself and to then direct myself according to the un deniable common sense that comes up.

I commit myself to when and as I feel that I am tired and cannot focus to give myself that hour of sleep that I know will work and have me fresh for the next four hours to be as effective and focused as I can be to do what needs to be done as I have proven to myself in the past through doing this.

I commit myself to investigate all point everyday when I experience myself as tired and to be self honest within the questioning and answering and to find the common sense and self honesty within breathing and to not just always go for the sleep first and or to not just go for the pushing myself first but to be clear on what happening and to understand myself and what I am doing so that I can stop and purify each point till I am clear and my starting point is clear.

Day 304 Directing tiredness Part 2

Day 303 Directing tiredness Part1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am tired to judge myself as being weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not breathing when and as I experience myself as tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the thought of seeing myself still having to do so many things yet I am tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see the thought of all the things i still need to do but I am tired to react ad judge myself as weak for being tired when I still need to complete many tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a opinion of myself of “I am better then this” and to from this opinion as a judgment as an Idea I have of myself that I desire to be of myself to then react and fear that I am and will never be it as I am currently tired and do not see myself passing the point of tiredness and becoming the Ideal me of not being tired and being able to move and get things done.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself f to judge tiredness as a weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge not getting tired as something that is amazing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as being weak and useless when and as they claim to be tired and I am not, and to within this then have a bad reaction when and as I am tired within the fear of being like the others and that they will now judge me as I have judged them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being unable to push through a point such as being tired to be in a place of breathing and never being tired, seeing and realizing that to NEVER be tired is currently impossible as the physical does require sleep and thus my goal is a fantasy and not a reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I can work full day all the time with no rest and that I will still be unstoppable to get to all my tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that taking a little nap is giving into weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I must look at my physical reality and what is here and what I am doing and then to do the actual in fact math to see where4 have I been, in the mind or actually doing something to see where my tiredness is coming from, as that will determine if I can actually breathe through it and get here, or if the breathing will become a mindfuck for suppressing something that is real and only compromising myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see being tired as ONLY a limitation, not seeing that being tired is a sign that I need to rest to be affective again in all aspects of my life once rested.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself.
To be continued.

Directing Tiredness Part 1 - Day 303

I have been tired everyday coming from eleven plus hours of work, I have judged it as not cool, I should not get tired, why am I tired, the tiredness sinks in when I sit down or when I get in a position that my body (I) feel I can now just sleep, and then I “wake up for a moment from a reaction from a judgment of “I am better than this and thus if I am tired and want to nap I must be weak or not breathing.

And this compromises me from doing anything else, right now at this moment writing this blog I am half falling asleep lol, but I am breathing and I am typing, I know I am using my adrenaline to do this, it is amazing how far I can push myself sometimes, I only had 5 hours of sleep last night as I had to wake up and hour early to go to a car salesmen training conference in Durban for the entire day.

But here is the full story of what is happening daily. I come home and I am tired, so I sit down from a few minutes to have coffee and to relax a bit. Then the few minutes turns into half and hour and then I start moving and doing stuff, then after doing stuff for twenty minutes I sit down again, I am tired.

I am also within this NOT considering the full extent of my changes, I am in training at the new Job, I take in a shit load of brand new information ALL day from everyone at work, I am being passed around all day to do everyone’s small things from them, I am the new guy, and they are using me, till I am a actual car salesmen this will happen, they use me to do the things they know take effort, so I am all day doing everyone’s effort. I like it, I learn more than they can understand LOL.

I want to go take a nap but then I think, if I take a nap I will lose all that time sleeping when I can do something constructive, and if I take a nap I will struggle to sleep later again, so I do not sleep, but this turns into a time wasting pattern, where I now instead of taking a nap and getting the tiredness over with. I stand around and I sit around and I watch TV and everything for quite a while with the reasoning that at least I am awake.

Then I go and check my email, usually when I check my emails there are about a hundred, so I go through them individually to read it and to check what’s for me and what is not, and sitting in front of the screen makes me even more tired, so I decide to go and sit outside a bit more to remain awake.

Then this bit turns into another fifteen minutes and eventually even an hour as someone is watching something and I automatically use it as a excuse to sit and watch.

Then when I look at the time it is already nine or ten, and I go to sleep at eleven, I get back from work anytime from six till late, I never know what the day has in store in terms of coming home.

So what I have noticed is that if I am Tired when I get how I should instead GO and take a hour nap, not to long but enough to after an hour be busy for the next three hours within doing Desteni and Equal Money system things, that is then constructive and using my time sufficiently and what’s best for all life.

So I see that the IDEA and BELIEF I have created around being tired and wasting time when I take a nap has influenced me in such a way that I refuse to go and take a nap and instead compromise and Waste MORE time not doing anything.

I see the “pot hole” I fall into and it has happened now a few times. I know taking a hour nap usually sorts it all our because I did this in the past, a week or two ago and it was awesome, I was good and ready for the rest of the night.

So it is a simple way of applying myself within being sufficient and effective within taking practical preventive steps.

To be continued on SF and SCS.