Day 638 - What do I STAND as, Fear or Life?

What I fear I attract. When I leave my brothers and Sisters to fear I equally accept and allow the attraction/creation. 

Fear is an illusion, when we stop fear it does not exist. So why do I fear? The question changes here to be more specific to rather what do I fear, what is more specific than why, why is simple, I fear because of the believe that I am separate from ALL that is here, so I place myself in a bubble of me against everything, where everything is against me, where I am in a consistent state of blame, victimization, fight or flight, control and following irrational thoughts and thinking. 

When I ask what I fear, I can see where I have accepted separation and abdicated responsibility for myself, and when I abdicate responsibility as myself, I abdicate responsibility for ALL and everything that is here, as I am all that is here as the manifestation of what is here one and equal. This places me within a consistent position of fear/paranoia/stress and anxiety. 

What I fear is HOW I will die, and within the fear of HOW I will die, I fear suffering, what I will go through, how the death of me will be, I fear suffering, I fear torture, I fear abuse, I fear a position of powerlessness where I have NO say, no way out,  no way of making a difference or preventing what is going to be done onto me or could be done onto me to the point where I die, and then what I fear after that is either existing with this trauma for eternity as what I went through or simply not existing/destroyed. 

Can I make peace with suffering? Can I stand one and equal to suffering, to torture, to the abuse and abuse of the physical body that is intentional and against my will, can I stop the fear of this, and even when this occurs, if it were to occur, can I stand equal and one within such a moment, and yet not have fear, to not give into the mind as illusion and to actually be here and stand within who I am. 

Sure, it isn’t necessary, what is my fear telling the universe/LIFE/existence? It is saying, please let this point manifest so that I can face it just to not fear it, so I see and realize that either way, I can stop the fear, or manifest the fear to only end up stopping the fear anyway, only to realize that after it all, I am still here, I am okay and I must move forward. Either in this life or the hereafter, I am always with me, and fear either way is useless and an illusion.. 

FEAR is showing us as humanity how to manifest within this holographic existence, where we are collectively GOD, and what we participate within we manifest in fact, we as humanity, as a whole together always, through all time, are manifesting and creating. 

Scriptures such as the Bible are passed on sins, it is a book where people have written the past and the future within, and so have locked in generations to keep on creating the revelation as the end of days as it is passed on, because this book is a great example of how what our grandparents FEARED as the end of the world to come should be ,and yet has never come, yet we as the grandchildren still now carry that end times scripture within us, as if we are taking a burning torch and carrying it on to keep it burning and thus keep this manifestation in sight and creating it. And so it shall be. So, to be clear that this is showing what we fear isn’t necessarily manifested in our lifetimes either, as manifestation takes time, but take a look, we as HUMANITY are GOD and to god (the physical/life) a day is a thousand years on earth. A thousand years is plus/minus 12 fully lived generations for the human form as god vessel. 

If we strongly believe in the end of days, the end of the world, we will create it, we will make it happen, we WILL manifest it and we will experience it as a collective, as humanity, if we BELIEVE heaven on earth will be here within a hundred years, it will be so, we will create it, we will make it so. Yet, FEAR seems to be the easiest path, suffering seems to be preferred path above real labour/work and to create and be creators. 

Ask yourself this, whos fears/illusions are we carrying like a burning torch to keep it alive, to manifest it,, to make it so, and WHY? and we must realize that we keep running with that torch forward in the holding of the FEAR within us, as the signs of the TIMES manifest more and more these end times, because of already hundreds of years of manifestations (so the fear become sgreater as physical evidence is now manifesting as "evidence" to manifest that illusion/fear and so we do not stop, because we fear doing somthing in vain if we stop, and that ALL we have believed in, participated within to menifest a fear will have been for nothing, and the evidence that is here of apparent end times and suffering will be proofed to not have to be so further is we simply STOP the fear and manifestation of it, so we would rather NOT stop and keep going just to not do it for nothing, even if it means destroying everything and going through unpresidented suffering for generations. That is mental. 

I have witnessed this for myself, how I can be SOO lazy that I would rather live in a dirty room with things standing everywhere and me just sitting on my ass because I feel like it, rather than getting up and cleaning my room. because if I have to get up, I would realize, shit I have been lazy all this time and the reasons I had for my room getting dirty are invalid now. how dissapointing for me to realize I was responsible, nothing else to blame and to victimize myself.

I have seen how I prefer the mess, the chaos, the destruction and negligence of things within my world, within MYSELF as who I am, OVER spending some time, some moments of a bit of “discomfort” to create myself, to develop and to expand, I would rather live in a world of complete disorder and discomfort as my surroundings than having some discomfort WITHIN myself as my experience and my body to mvoe a bit.

Because I FEAR I will fuck up, and so through the fear of fucking up, I have given up and simply let everything be a fuck up, because that way nothing can be pinpointed to ME being the fuckup, because..... LOOK!! everything is a fuckup, there is no evidence to blame me, I didn’t create this. 

Why are we accepting and allowing the destruction of earth? Because we all fear if we stood up and showed our heads, then we will suddenly be responsible, and thus it will be able for others to blame and judge us, so we rather not get up at all and just get lost in the mess, to hide in the mess, and we would rather be murdered, starve and go through horrendous experiences such as the end of the world than having a bit of discomfort within ourselves, we hate inconveniences, yet we as a group as humanity accept and allow TOTAL inconvenience for earth and our species as life here in the physical – as long as we just do not experience anything inside of ourselves that is uncomfortable for a moment to change the COURSE of things, because, YES!! it will take some hardcore action as a whole/group.

There is NO stopping what we have already given permission to, to manifest and that has already manifested and that now will be a consequential outflow of the acceptances and allowances as our FEARS to manifest from the past and present, and yes whatever we can imagine as our fears will come true, this is oneness and equality, this is what it means to be god in fact, we create what we BEHOLD in our eyes.
 

But, we are god right?

For a moment, take in the fact that you are god in fact, you manifest in fact what has been, that is here and what will be, what if god (you) stop, a dead stop, what if god simply does not move forward on what is already here, and say, till here and no further, I forgive myself, I accept full responsibility for what is here as ALL time, all consequences, I forgive all fear, I stand as LIFE, I will myself to stand as what is best for all life, I stop to fear my brothers and sisters, I stop the illusion of separation, I am all that is here as LIFE, I allow myself to let go of all illusion of fear, no matter how extreme the fear is, I stop, I am here, be still and Know that I am god, I am god, what does that mean, be still, still and darkness within, remove yourself from the fear manifestation propoganda of the mind, stop being one particapating within it, be STILL within and STILl within not moving with the massess, this way we change the MASS that everything consist of to be that of silence/stillness, we make a dent, we then stand as darkness/god and we create within the principle of LIFE.

I realize that I am the one in fact behind the steering wheel, I can turn around now, I do not linger anymore in regret, in shame, I no longer linger in the illusion that it is too late, I Stand as LIFE.I realize there is no honour in continueing forward with the path of fear, there is no respect, so what ever I fear losing by stopping isn;t a loss at all of nothing, it is a GAIN in life.

Day 353 – Less Play more Time, then where is my time.

I have stopped Playing games for a long time now, at least a year, I have stopped listening to Music as I used to, like always having it in my ears compared to now listening to music when I hear it from somewhere else maybe, I have stopped watching consistent series/movies as I used to like every day, compared to now once a day, one episode here or a movie once a week.

I stopped all these distraction as I saw I used them as distractions to hide or to avoid or for any reason really. So that I can get myself back here and get down to business/work the real stuff happening.

YET, I am encountering a very strange thing, I have stopped ALL these things that I used to spend HOURES on and even days to have all those hours and all those Days free for myself to apply myself in alignment with what is here and what needs to be done. Yet I haven’t reached a single thing that I wanted to do instead of doing all those distractions.

Sure I am working 11 hours a day, sure that is a lot of time, sure I do not have all the time left I used to have, but according to the evidence, I still spend more time playing games for instance, listening to music, or watching 5 episodes of a series in a row.

So what has been happening in that TIME that I used to use and that is now literally open for discussion to what can and could have and should happen in that time. – well Nothing.

I surely haven’t been taking naps, I haven’t been laying around on the couches, I haven’t been just sitting in a chair for hours, or cooking every night, NO I haven’t been doing that much every night after work, I basically do my basics such as eat, shower, go on a chat if I have one, check my email, check the news, go out of the room every hour or so, then write a blog just before eleven and post it.

What I would like to add to that list is – I transcribed some Desteni material, I made a Youtube Video, I red some posts and document on Desteni forums or Equal Life Foundation or Equal Money System websites, I would like to add to that List that I have done some other form of writing besides my own blog.

Those are the exact reasons why I stopped all the other distractions (that was distraction for me), yet I still haven’t gotten to them.

It is quite simple really, once I look at all the evidence of myself, the extra time I created for myself and that I do have, is wasted within Back chat, thinking, imagination, all those moments of 5min here and three minutes there and 10 minutes over here quickly, thinking or back chatting, counts up to an hour or even two hours.

BAM there all my time is lost, gone and wasted forever. I missed all the windows of opportunities; I fucked myself back into yesterday so to say.

The back chat I face the most is back chat that leads to – Should I, or Should I not, Can I or can I not, am I allowed to or am I not allowed to.

This is what it leads to, like I am waiting for someone higher to tell me what I can and can not do, if I am able to do it or not, should I do it or not, it is a back and forth tennis game, and the interesting part is, I always decide NO, or I force myself into the point of not being able to. to not to be able to do it though the time spend in back chat.

So I decide No and someone else must decide Yes for me, yet I am the only one in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use the time I have effectively within deciding yes or no and to then do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for the right circumstances before I will decide yes to do something such as reading or making a video.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to occupy myself within back chat of “should I or should I not” and to always force my time to not being able to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not take myself there and to Do it in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to force myself to do things, instead of doing the things that is “natural”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I want to read or to make a video that I will have to force myself, seeing and realizing that I am not breathing effectively within relaxing and self-intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the points and to Know how to solve the points and what I can do and should do and to never do it, and to not live it, and to constantly create this exact points over and over and end up with self-hatred.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for not breathing through the points and walking them as myself and to see where the road not taken leads.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my own suffering within myself and within my own time loops and to then pity myself on them, instead of standing up and walking and breathing and stopping the bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create self-disappointment within myself through knowingly not walking the points that I see I accept and allow within my daily application, and to then make my time loop a point of self-pity, where I make myself believe that I am suffering because of this time loop and thus I am stuck and cannot get out, seeing and realizing that I use the self-pity as a way of manipulating myself and others to justify why I am not standing up and not walking the physical points of self-application effectively to change who I am and to what I do to bring about a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am within and as the Believe that I am suffering, that I am having such a hard life, to stop and to breathe, to within my realization that it is self-pity I am participating within, as a way of manipulating myself and others, to not to have to do more, or move myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am participating within self-pity, to stop and to breathe and to see that I am participating within accumulated back chat of self believe, and thus it isn’t real, and that I must breathe and make a decision on my next move and do it, and to not play games of sorrow and self-pity with myself to manipulate myself to only then make a decision once I have confuse the shit out of myself to have a justification to why I did not move or direct myself effectively within what is best for all lie, or to bring about a world that is best for all life.

218 – The Heat of on the Farm P2.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “feel” hot as an experience of myself as who I am when it is hot, seeing and realizing that who I am, become and become when it is hot influences the heat in multiple dimension as the mind and the physical instead of being here as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated when and as I experience myself as hot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tired when it is hot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as it is hot inside or outside of the house to not breathe but instead go into an Idea/belief f that the heat must influence me as how I experience myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that who I am as the experience I have when and as it is hot to be real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless within my physical body when it is hot outside and my body feels heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel heavy when and as it is hot, seeing and realizing that the heavy feeling is me walking within the ideas and beliefs I have in relation to the heat I am experiencing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the sun is natural and my body as the physical one and equal as the sun is designed to be able to handle the sun quite effectively with me functioning and thus any other experience is mind, making the sun a burden.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have made the sun within my mind a burden, seeing and realizing that within the idea/belief that I have created within and as my mind as the sun being burden I have made my body a burden equal and one as the sun as the physical where I function slow and heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the sun and my body within the sun/heat a burden – seeing and realizing that I have actually made the physical reality a burden within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I make the physical a burden within my mind that I am compromising myself and sabotaging myself where the physical then actually becomes a burden as a experience within me, seeing and realizing that this is not really so but a mind fuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have separated myself as the physical as the sun as the heat as my body within the sun and heat and thus within this separation through the mind I have limited myself and given away my actual physical potential as breathing and working and moving one and e4qual as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the sun is harmful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the words of others in the past to create and shape the perception I have of the sun for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself others fears of the sun and the heat to be mine and to within this live it as such.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief others in the past when and as they told me that the sun is harmful and will give me cancer, seeing and realizing how this created the resistance within me to be out in the sun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the heat out in the sun the problem to justify my fear that I have for the sun and that I might get cancer in the sun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it a fact within my mind as beliefs and ideas passed on from those that has gone before me that the sun is a cancer giving thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my common sense away to the trust I have placed within those that has gone before me about what they told me about the sun as being harmful because it gives cancer and not seeing for myself within questioning everything that the sun has always been here for billions of years and yet cancer i so new within modern society and now it is all blamed on the sun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going out and working in the sun in the heat within the belief that something bad can happen to me in the heat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my veins will pop in the heat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not drink enough water when and as I am out in the heat sweating, seeing and realizing how this takes down the bodies support system to function as it is designed to in heat and in the sun by at least 50% as I have proven to myself before that I can work twice as hard and longer in any heat conditions and sun when and as I have been consistent within drinking a supportive amount of water consistently over time.

To be continued.

Day 217 – The Heat of the Sun on the Farm

During my Day here on Desteni Farm there are times that it is really hot, the heat I am talking about isn’t always necessarily the Sun rays that is burning on my skin, I am talking about Humidity and a pressurized heat in the air that always seem to make me tired and that I do not want to move and work.

So that is what I experience physically, within this I also have mental shit coming up such as reactions and feeling irritated and with all of that back chat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the heat when and as it is hot temperatures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the heat outside within the belief that when and as it is hot that I will suffer outside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear suffering in the heat outside when and as I have to get work done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as punishment when and as I have to work outside in the heat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when I am a bit out of my comfort zone that I am suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I do not have a clue what suffering is, seeing and realizing that I have been living in my comfort zone in fear of seeing what is behind the comfort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have created a comfort zone for myself through my habits and patterns, seeing and realizing that this comfort zone is my limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about the heat and how I do not want to experience myself as being uncomfortable when and as it is hot, seeing and realizing that when I think about it I am making it so for my body as I constantly give my body the signals of what I am supposed to experience as discomfort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my body signals that is from my mind as a interpretation of the physical reality that is based on ideas/beliefs that is not real and yet place these conditions onto my body through thinking and having thoughts and back chat existent within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself as my body through giving the mind permission to place conditions onto my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief my mind when I tell myself in my mind that the heat is going to be BAD, seeing and realizing that when and as I tell myself that I will experience that, instead of breathing and seeing what is here as the physical with no mind interpretations effecting anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I experience the heat as more than the heat itself such as being irritated or tired to within that experience belief it must be real what I am experiencing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated from the heat during the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I get irritated from the heat as I have given the “experience within me about the heat more power than me here as the physical breathing.

To be continued.