The Fear you have before you have the Ability to Respond Day 605, Day 8 of 21

This is a follow up on my previous blog, I simply pinpointed the exact phrase that placed everything in perspective for me on what I need to focus on within today's self – forgiveness.

Do you know of what emotion I am speaking of, an ever so slight reaction that become so sharp as if it is taking your breath away, piercing from your solar plexus through into your chest, especially if there is a point of conflict coming, or perceived, as if an expectation will come to life that you feared. Not fearing the other people or person, but rather your ability to respond, where when this experience comes up within you, it is as if you lose all confidence, all common sense, all basics and the mind goes into reactive behavior, a flight or fight mode, as if everything of and about you is on the line. Even basic principles one stand and live by as a guideline is missing. Well this is the experience that I have had for a very long time in my life, since I was a young child. And now I have finally seen that all it is, is me not breathing and giving the mind Authority, and this giving takes a split second to happen and then its downhill from there, as showing that before I wasn’t breathing already, I was existing as a character, a personality already before that has everything to lose as a mind consciousness system. So here I go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the sudden sharp reactive emotion that comes up within me in moments that is of fear of my ability to respond and stand, where I see I hate this sudden sharp reaction because it is showing to me that I am in the mind and not breathing within the physical here walking real time, even when I believe I am not in the mind, this experience is showing to me what I am still accepting and allowing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen and realized that this sudden sharp reaction that starts subtle but then become sharp is but only supporting me and not actually meaning anything in terms of what I am connecting the experience to, but that it is simply showing me that I am in the mind and thus of the mind as personality and thus have something to fear, and so I see and realize that when and as this reaction comes up that I do not have to participate within it, I can simply breathe and let go of the mind and the experience and to the Give to me in and as the physical the ability to respond through anchoring myself within principle, within basics, within breath and all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give authority to the mind when and as the mind is telling me that I am not able to respond, that I am weak, that I am lesser, that I must now fear my words as they will be in defense of my personality, and so respond within a reactive manner that bears only word of self-interest and ego, no matter how good they may sound, no matter how much reasoning they have, they are done so in the name of the mind and limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on actually breathing as soon as I start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually not focus on my breathing and to not actually stop any and all thoughts feelings and emotions, where I have taken on a certain emotion of being and defined that as me being in breathe, until I have a moment where this is revealed to me that is of a sudden sharp reaction going through my solar plexus into my chest (breath) and where I am completely dis-empowered and actually harming myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actually breathe and focus on breathing as my process walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that I have again created a certain character that can be called the pretending to breathe character” where this character stakes on a stance of I am breathing, yet it is just a character and not breathing in fact, as this character is till protecting and participating in ‘JUST” thoughts and feelings and emotions that is seen as okay to have and give attention to and that nothing will come of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into characters that I have seen as “me breathing” and to not question these characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must walk and talk and act a certain way to be in this breathing character to be able to say YES I am breathing because look I am in this character. As if I am following a image of myself as being the physical representation of a mind within my mind, that must be still looking, quiet and so forth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify any character that I take on for why I am not breathing in fact for real dealing with my internal reality within self-forgiveness consistently as my rebirth process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT consider the actual implications of actually breathing and that the characters I play and take on now as if they are Breathing characters are not real and still enslavement and that to actually breathe has no pre-programming, it has no style, no habit, no pattern, not thoughts, feelings and emotions guiding anything, it does not even have time. Yet functions perfectly normal within the physical reality because breathe is actually in alignment with physical reality and NOT the mind.

Day 149 – Living Commitment – Day 20 of 21 – False Image Stability continued

Day 149 – Living Commitment – Day 20 of 21 – False Image Stability continued

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a constant expectation of the worst to happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the worse that can happen to me is being yelled at and that my "stable" calm mode will be disrupted and that I will within this have a mind fuck about everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be disrupted by an outside force and that this can be the worst that can happen to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in constant fear of being disrupted, seeing and realizing that for me to be able to be disrupted like a volcano erupting is only showing me that I hide a lot of stuff within me that I keep secret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that what I keep secret within me such as thoughts will be revealed at any moment and that I will be exposed and that within this I will not be stable and calm and at peace with myself but the opposite, and within that I do not trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what I fear to come out will come out as nothing is secret but only hidden.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown as who I am when I am not stable, seeing and realizing that I have seen who I am when I am not stable and since then I have only tried to hide that part of myself in the fear of this "me" showing himself when I am unstable, and thus hide all behaviours/mannerism from others and rather put on a face of stability in the hope that It will go away.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to face myself in writing and applying self forgiveness as the Who I am when I am unstable/disrupted and to stand one and equal as me in actual stability as breathe, living self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus my process on others and what they might think of me, realizing that within this I am not really facing myself in self writing and self forgiveness as I am doing everything from the starting point of only seeming to be stable, as I am trying to keep the stable image I limit myself to ever go into what is here as that which I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as, as the mind and to walk for MYSELF my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my process of purifying myself and standing as life on and equal in self sabotage and compromise as I limit myself within the belief that I must always only SEEM stable, yet I am not within myself stable at all, as long as I accept and allow one thought to run through me or one energetic experience I am not stable no matter what I try and present to others, thus I see and realize it isn’t what I present to others as being stable or not but that who I am as walking my process for myself, and that I do not accept and allow any thoughts/experiences within me and to not judge anything within me, as the judgment/opinion is purely me limiting myself form actually walking a point for real and stopping thoughts as the judgment only suppress or express curtain part as judgment is always based on good or bad, right or wrong and thus imitating me to actually work with all points equally.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that any opinion/judgment I have in relation to the experiences I have or the thought will only make the thoughts more and so the experiences as well, instead of breathing and not judging no matter what and thus not participating and giving it attention and so it is simple to breathe through the point, as I see this I yet have to actually realize it as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see thoughts/backchat happening within me to have the back chat of "Shit I am thinking I must stop" and to within this react and have a fear/anxious energy building up within me towards me having thoughts/backchat as the judgment I have when I say "shit I am thinking I must stop" is negatively charged and fear based as being wrong and that I am bad person. Realizing that yes thoughts are only abuse and not real and a lie, and this is not a point to fear/react from but to understand and to stop as breathe.

To be continued.

Day 143 – Living Commitments – Day 15 of 21 – Drowning in experience Continued.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that what I experience is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that what I experience must be real within justifying it through the back chat if “Well I am experiencing this feeling/emotion therefore it must probably be real” – not seeing and realizing that in that moment the back chat is making it seem real and thus I experience it as real where it has physical outflows in my day where I physically participate according to the experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back chat of “Well I am experiencing this Feeling/emotion therefore it must be real” to exist within and as me as a justification for why I am creating the experience as real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that what I experience within me as energy from the mind created through participating in thoughts and back chat is only an energetic experience within me that took physical energy from my body as the real energy and turned it into illusionary energy that I then belief must have some purpose/reason and thus I must follow the experience – not seeing and realizing the obvious that I created it with the reason/purpose in it through my back chat and thoughts I had and thus it isn’t special or meaning anything in fact, I created it so from illusions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create experiences for myself through participating within the mind as thoughts and back chat and to then “forget: how I created it with the thoughts and back chat and to after forgetting follow the experience as if it came from somewhere else and that it must mean something, only to find out in the end that I created it after the consequences has played out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value experience either good or bad above the physical reality as that which is real and valid, not seeing and realizing that when I valid something that isn’t real but only within the mind as illusions and energy and I attempt to follow and participate within it, in the physical and manifesting and illusion within that which is real I have no idea what I am doing and what the actual consequential outflows will be of my actions, as the world is the example/result of these every actions being applied everyday by all humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is impossible to stop energetic experiences within me through breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am subject to the experiences I have within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only always give into energetic experiences I have within me and to never give myself the chance of breathing through them instead and to free myself from the chains of the experience so that I Breathe freely where I am not directed by energy but instead direct myself as self will/movement as life as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and fear all experiences I have within me – within the reaction being of “oh no not this experience again” – not seeing and realizing that within that I have already allowed the experience to direct and control me, instead of breathing and not giving any space for any energetic movement within me as I occupy all of me as myself as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move through live without nay integrity and self will accepting and allowing everything to influence me and to make me experience something to what I am them enslaved to and limited to as the experience and thus only giving myself the option of following experiences and never living life as myself as life as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around without any direction in my life, within the fear of life and thus only allowing everything around me to direct me instead of me Breathing and being here as WHO I decide I am in each breath so that I stand as life and cannot be moved by any outside forces through my permission, as my permission is already me giving myself permission to stand as Life and to always life that which is best for all life with no alternatives.

To be continued

Day 142 – Living Commitments – Day 14 of 21 – Drowing in experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I a emotional to belief that the emotion is permanent till it go away by itself in time, not realizing that I can instead BREATHE and not participate within the emotional experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from what I experience as something happening to me, not seeing and realizing that I am the creator of the experience as I am experiencing it only within myself, thus I can stop it, realizing the tool of breathing is how I earth myself HERE with what is real as the physical and not internal experiences of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am within an energetic experience where I feel like I just can not stop the experience, to not test it for myself physically and breathe and to not even consider breathing as I am in fear of the experience I am having which only creates the experience more, thus seeing and realizing that when and as I am within an energetic experience to slow down and to stop all judgment of the experience and to breathe instead of giving into the experience as being real. As breath will proof what is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to when and as I am filed with fear to belief that the fear will always be here in these scenarios, realizing that in that moment I am already creating and manifesting all future scenarios within the already expected experience of fear, instead of Breathing and re – programming myself in BREATHE – realizing that my bodies cells renew every three seconds, and thus I have every three seconds to renew myself in each breath as my entire body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the understanding that my body at a cellular level is basically new everyday and yet I keep on copying and creating the old over and over onto the new as it is set in stone, which is a lie as the body clearly shows the cells die and renew every few seconds and thus isnt set in stone, and thus re-programming self IN breathe as life as the physical is possible in each breath on what I decide Who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the physical evidence is here as the flesh/body and the breathe that the past is constantly re-created by me and my participation within each and every thought I have onto the new, instead of giving myself self forgiveness in each breathe where I am walking new in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that everyday and all the experiences I have everyday will simply be here and the same till I die, not seeing and realizing that within that belief I have already created every single day I might still be alive to be so, as I have accepted and allowed it as my entire beingness to be so and thus not doing anything real to change it as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I decide who I am in each breathe through what I accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief it is impossible to change something that I have been living for almost all my life, such as fear/anxiety/stress within certain situations and that because it has always been like that it must always continue like that – typical sheep programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drown myself in the past within the belief that everything from the past must always be the same again in the future and thus always living in a gloomy amnious way of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT breathe and instead to give into memories of the past and project them into the future as already set in stone things that will happen and how I have to already experience myself when those things happen, realizing that I am deliberately already creating it as such, not giving myself the opportunity to instead breathe and be here in a new moment of change and re-birth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that tomorrow will just be the same as yesterday, and that I will just have all the same thoughts again, where I can not stop them, and where I will have the same reaction again towards the same situations again and that I will do this and that the same again and my day will end the same way again, not seeing and realizing that I am within participating in thoughts/memories and future projections of those things creating it in my whole beingness, and within this LIMIT myself and trap myself in a life of habit and patterns that isnt best for all Life and only in support of the mind enslavement.

To be Continued.