The Fear you have before you have the Ability to Respond Day 605, Day 8 of 21

This is a follow up on my previous blog, I simply pinpointed the exact phrase that placed everything in perspective for me on what I need to focus on within today's self – forgiveness.

Do you know of what emotion I am speaking of, an ever so slight reaction that become so sharp as if it is taking your breath away, piercing from your solar plexus through into your chest, especially if there is a point of conflict coming, or perceived, as if an expectation will come to life that you feared. Not fearing the other people or person, but rather your ability to respond, where when this experience comes up within you, it is as if you lose all confidence, all common sense, all basics and the mind goes into reactive behavior, a flight or fight mode, as if everything of and about you is on the line. Even basic principles one stand and live by as a guideline is missing. Well this is the experience that I have had for a very long time in my life, since I was a young child. And now I have finally seen that all it is, is me not breathing and giving the mind Authority, and this giving takes a split second to happen and then its downhill from there, as showing that before I wasn’t breathing already, I was existing as a character, a personality already before that has everything to lose as a mind consciousness system. So here I go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the sudden sharp reactive emotion that comes up within me in moments that is of fear of my ability to respond and stand, where I see I hate this sudden sharp reaction because it is showing to me that I am in the mind and not breathing within the physical here walking real time, even when I believe I am not in the mind, this experience is showing to me what I am still accepting and allowing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen and realized that this sudden sharp reaction that starts subtle but then become sharp is but only supporting me and not actually meaning anything in terms of what I am connecting the experience to, but that it is simply showing me that I am in the mind and thus of the mind as personality and thus have something to fear, and so I see and realize that when and as this reaction comes up that I do not have to participate within it, I can simply breathe and let go of the mind and the experience and to the Give to me in and as the physical the ability to respond through anchoring myself within principle, within basics, within breath and all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give authority to the mind when and as the mind is telling me that I am not able to respond, that I am weak, that I am lesser, that I must now fear my words as they will be in defense of my personality, and so respond within a reactive manner that bears only word of self-interest and ego, no matter how good they may sound, no matter how much reasoning they have, they are done so in the name of the mind and limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on actually breathing as soon as I start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually not focus on my breathing and to not actually stop any and all thoughts feelings and emotions, where I have taken on a certain emotion of being and defined that as me being in breathe, until I have a moment where this is revealed to me that is of a sudden sharp reaction going through my solar plexus into my chest (breath) and where I am completely dis-empowered and actually harming myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actually breathe and focus on breathing as my process walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that I have again created a certain character that can be called the pretending to breathe character” where this character stakes on a stance of I am breathing, yet it is just a character and not breathing in fact, as this character is till protecting and participating in ‘JUST” thoughts and feelings and emotions that is seen as okay to have and give attention to and that nothing will come of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into characters that I have seen as “me breathing” and to not question these characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must walk and talk and act a certain way to be in this breathing character to be able to say YES I am breathing because look I am in this character. As if I am following a image of myself as being the physical representation of a mind within my mind, that must be still looking, quiet and so forth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify any character that I take on for why I am not breathing in fact for real dealing with my internal reality within self-forgiveness consistently as my rebirth process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT consider the actual implications of actually breathing and that the characters I play and take on now as if they are Breathing characters are not real and still enslavement and that to actually breathe has no pre-programming, it has no style, no habit, no pattern, not thoughts, feelings and emotions guiding anything, it does not even have time. Yet functions perfectly normal within the physical reality because breathe is actually in alignment with physical reality and NOT the mind.

Day 201 – I need to have a Laugh.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am anxious seek a good old laugh to suppress the anxiety instead of looking at why I am anxious and to write about the point to see how I am creating and participating within the creation of the anxiety so that I can stop creating anxiety and breathe here stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within my mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions as energy, not seeing and realizing that when I participate within any form of energy creation within my mind that has effects on my body that I will accumulate anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am seeking a laugh that I am seeking to run away from what is here as me within the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress anxiety with laughter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the polarity game of polarity as negative (emotions) and positive (feelings) as to feel that I am moving forward, not seeing and realizing that all I am doing is going in circles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have been using laughing as a drug to give me a high when I feel low, and as all drugs it wears off and then requires the next hit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to laughing to deal with situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of breathing and deal with the situations at hand through laughing instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am laughing within situation that I am suppressing the actual experience and thus not able to deal with it real time within breathing and moving through the point to not be controlled by the experience and instead re-program myself as the physical to deal with the situation effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek comfort within laughing, not seeing and realizing that within seeking and getting comfort when and as I laugh that I am only confirming to myself that I cannot handle the situations and that I must always experience anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I can stop the polarity game through breathing and re-programming myself as the physical where there is no experience needed to deal with situations but to simply breathe.

I commit myself to when and as I am dealing with a situation to stop the physical action of laughing and to instead breathe and see for myself who I am and what is the real experience that I am within, and to within that breathe through the experience and stabilize myself here as the physical as breath.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself already laughing to stop and to breathe within the realization that I am laughing in separation of a point instead of standing one and equal as the situation within real time as the physical here, as I see and realize that the anxiety or the laughing is from the mind that is not here but within an alternate reality of thoughts/feelings/emotions not seen by anyone but me and to take self-responsibility through applying self-forgiveness and stop.