The Fear you have before you have the Ability to Respond Day 605, Day 8 of 21

This is a follow up on my previous blog, I simply pinpointed the exact phrase that placed everything in perspective for me on what I need to focus on within today's self – forgiveness.

Do you know of what emotion I am speaking of, an ever so slight reaction that become so sharp as if it is taking your breath away, piercing from your solar plexus through into your chest, especially if there is a point of conflict coming, or perceived, as if an expectation will come to life that you feared. Not fearing the other people or person, but rather your ability to respond, where when this experience comes up within you, it is as if you lose all confidence, all common sense, all basics and the mind goes into reactive behavior, a flight or fight mode, as if everything of and about you is on the line. Even basic principles one stand and live by as a guideline is missing. Well this is the experience that I have had for a very long time in my life, since I was a young child. And now I have finally seen that all it is, is me not breathing and giving the mind Authority, and this giving takes a split second to happen and then its downhill from there, as showing that before I wasn’t breathing already, I was existing as a character, a personality already before that has everything to lose as a mind consciousness system. So here I go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the sudden sharp reactive emotion that comes up within me in moments that is of fear of my ability to respond and stand, where I see I hate this sudden sharp reaction because it is showing to me that I am in the mind and not breathing within the physical here walking real time, even when I believe I am not in the mind, this experience is showing to me what I am still accepting and allowing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen and realized that this sudden sharp reaction that starts subtle but then become sharp is but only supporting me and not actually meaning anything in terms of what I am connecting the experience to, but that it is simply showing me that I am in the mind and thus of the mind as personality and thus have something to fear, and so I see and realize that when and as this reaction comes up that I do not have to participate within it, I can simply breathe and let go of the mind and the experience and to the Give to me in and as the physical the ability to respond through anchoring myself within principle, within basics, within breath and all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give authority to the mind when and as the mind is telling me that I am not able to respond, that I am weak, that I am lesser, that I must now fear my words as they will be in defense of my personality, and so respond within a reactive manner that bears only word of self-interest and ego, no matter how good they may sound, no matter how much reasoning they have, they are done so in the name of the mind and limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on actually breathing as soon as I start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually not focus on my breathing and to not actually stop any and all thoughts feelings and emotions, where I have taken on a certain emotion of being and defined that as me being in breathe, until I have a moment where this is revealed to me that is of a sudden sharp reaction going through my solar plexus into my chest (breath) and where I am completely dis-empowered and actually harming myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actually breathe and focus on breathing as my process walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that I have again created a certain character that can be called the pretending to breathe character” where this character stakes on a stance of I am breathing, yet it is just a character and not breathing in fact, as this character is till protecting and participating in ‘JUST” thoughts and feelings and emotions that is seen as okay to have and give attention to and that nothing will come of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into characters that I have seen as “me breathing” and to not question these characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must walk and talk and act a certain way to be in this breathing character to be able to say YES I am breathing because look I am in this character. As if I am following a image of myself as being the physical representation of a mind within my mind, that must be still looking, quiet and so forth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify any character that I take on for why I am not breathing in fact for real dealing with my internal reality within self-forgiveness consistently as my rebirth process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT consider the actual implications of actually breathing and that the characters I play and take on now as if they are Breathing characters are not real and still enslavement and that to actually breathe has no pre-programming, it has no style, no habit, no pattern, not thoughts, feelings and emotions guiding anything, it does not even have time. Yet functions perfectly normal within the physical reality because breathe is actually in alignment with physical reality and NOT the mind.

Day 362 – The Show is Over, Time to follow up Part 2

Day 361 – The Show is Over, Time to follow up Part1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear fucking up when and as I have to follow up with the leads I have gathered at the Show within the past ten days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear all the problems that might be coming up when and as I do follow up with the leads and they do want to products and then I might not have the product available.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being bad salesmen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving bad service to my clients without even me knowing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my “intentions” that is “good” turns out to be bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is my intention that is creating the fear/paranoia, because I am intending instead of actually doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that there is a difference between being a good salesmen and intending to be a good salesmen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to intent to be a good salesman instead of being a good salesmen, and sell a fucking car to someone and to go through everything that is required to sell a car.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a good car salesmen, seeing and realizing how I am using intention as a way to have a justification for why I wasn’t doing it to hide the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous about calling people and following up on people and talking to people and giving them all the information they need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not have all the information and knowledge that people want or ask of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when and as I am faced with such a scenario where I do not have all the knowledge or information that is required to apply myself practically, that it is showing me where I need to upgrade and thus I can use the opportunity to upgrade myself on those points and empower myself to move from intention to actuality and out of justification and taking responsibility.

I commit myself to when and as I go to work to get all my information on all my leads/prospect in order and to then give the courage to myself to dial the numbers and to make contact with those people.

I commit myself to let go of all personal insecurities  and to take action within the bigger picture of everything and to not be limited by my own feelings/emotions/thoughts within me, and to push beyond into the unknown and learn and to better myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am postponing a point, to stop and to breathe and to realize that I must go where I resist to go, that this is me taking responsibility for my pre-programming and to step out of the preprogramming so that I can learn to know myself and to change.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am thinking and contemplating and having back chat about calling back the leads/customers to stop and to breathe within the realization that it is the mind attempting to hold me back and as a slave to the thoughts/feeling/emotion as energy, as I see and realize that once I move through the points, that there will be understanding and thus no more thoughts/feelings/emotions and thus me breathing which is not what the mind wants as it does not generate energy.

I commit myself to stop Intention, to stop myself and my actions that are intending to do something, and to actually do something. 

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am intending to sell a car instead of fucking selling a car, to stop and to breathe and to see what is behind the intention, what is the intention protecting and hiding, and to stop that and to move myself from intention to actual movement and do it. 

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am in the intention mode, where all my actions and words are intending to stop the intention, and to take a deep breath and to see where and how I can actually do it.  Within the understanding that doing it does not mean I must expect a certain outcome, it means I will get a certain outcome, thus I must take the outcome and see what comes out and how I can move myself from there.

Day 361 – The Show is over, time to follow up Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look forward to having to deal with the leads I have gathered within the past ten days at the royal show.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going back to the office after being away from the office for ten days and now having to sit there and following up on all the leads I have gathered.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not looking forward to being on the phone a lot calling people and talking to them over a phone and dealing with a lot of information over the phone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already be tired within my mind projecting what it is going to be like calling all the people and actually working with them now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I met the people at the show in a happy high situation that it will now be different and everyone will start getting annoyed by each other having to do business with each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already be annoyed by other people within my mind, seeing and realizing that it isn’t real and that I am projecting my belief and Idea of what it might be like, seeing and realizing it is because I have never gone that far dealing with customers and that I have taken information from other car salesmen and what they have told me and created an idea/belief about how I will be for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that how other car salesmen experience themselves when and as they have to call customers or customers call them is the way I have to experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take what I have seen from other car salesmen and how they are handling their customers and to make it my own as how it should be for all car salesmen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pre-determine my experience for myself when I haven even experienced it before and to already create the outcome as the experience I am projecting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to now deal even further with the people I met and had talks with at the royal show and that taking it further with the customers will be much different and more difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear following up on the customers that I met at the royal show, within and as the idea/belief that I will be annoying them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear calling and following up on customers because I really do not know what to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as I follow up on y leads that I have created for myself at the royal show that I have to be a certain way or say certain things, instead of keeping it to the point and on the topic at hand, which is selling cars and that is what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming a “friend” to the customers and that I will have to always now help them and be there for them and be like a friend, when all I wanted to do was sell a car.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that there will be something more than just selling a car when and as I actually sell a car to someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not look forward the time and effort that I will have to do to sell a car to one customer and not to mention twenty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people as monsters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other humans as being monsters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself as being seen as a monster to other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not looking and being professional towards an with my leads that I will be following up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being declined by clients when and as I follow up on my leads.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear calling and following up on my clients  and that all my hours and hard work of getting my leads will end up in no sales and a lot of time and energy waste.

To be continued.