Day 70 – The Personality Suit Part 5 – Joker - Behavior 4

Joking – making everyone laugh, or sometimes only you and your friends and making someone else feel shit, or just joking the whole time in communication with others to hide that what you said even though you meant it.

This is the point I am taking on within my behavior as part of my personality suit that I wear when I am communicating with people about things and I will throw in that quick joke, or say something that is serious and then after wards say – Haha just joking, it is a sign of insecurity and not being able to stand by what I said and instead make it a joke, not to have to face the seriousness of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself as a joker within conversation as my behavior and words will always be that of impressing people and making them laugh.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have identified myself as a joker within my behavior and conversations because I do not trust myself within conversations and thus I make jokes to hide the fact that I am insecure. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I judge myself as Les than others within conversations and that I can not participate in the debates/conversation equally and thus I turn to making jokes the whole time in my words and behavior against or towards the conversations to make the conversation seem less and stupid so that the attention is driven away from me feeling insecure to making the other people of the majority that will laugh at the jokes also judge the conversations as stupid and useless so that I can remain within my insecurities and self judgments and never have to challenge myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I make jokes in conversations I am avoiding the conversation and directing the attention towards me away from the conversation, realizing that I do this in order to not to have to participate within the conversation because of self judgment as not being capable of participating in the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge making jokes in conversations, realizing that it is the starting point and who I am within doing it, if the joke is specific and has purpose as that which is self honest and best for all life then that is what it is, if there is anything hidden such as fear/self judgment/insecurities it is best to stop and breathe and to see what the point is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life a joke in fear of having to take what is here serious and facing myself as that as what I have created equally within this world and within me as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use joking as a way to hide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to joke to hide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a joker in the fear of people taking what I say personal, and thus making it a joke and laughing at it makes it not serious and thus no one takes me serious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to joke when I am under stress and do not know how to handle it, instead of breathing and being here as breathe realizing that I do not have to handle stress and stress is unnecessary and thus I do not need to stress but breathe. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am confronted by someone or something to make a joke out of it to not have to take self responsibility for my actions as the personality suit I have created for myself on how to handle life, realizing that I am actually not handling life as I need to joke about it, indicating I cant handle life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create me as a joker as part of a personality suit that I wear that is a consistent reminder and confirmation to myself that I will always be limited as me insecurities/judgments and be subject to them, realizing that I can stop the joker personality and breathe and face what I have created and accepted and allowed to exist within me and to take practical common sense steps to improve and better myself as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to when I see I want to make a joke within a conversation to stop and breathe and to see what is behind the joke, to investigate “who i am” within the joke and to instead of joking as to get attention to re-direct the attention off the topic/conversation that I judge or feel less than. 

I commit myself to when I see I make jokes and to act out as the funny guy in moments, to breathe and to stop any energy movement and to look within myself as to why I ma doing it, and to write and self forgive the inner points such as fear/insecurities/self judgments/self beliefs etc and to stand and change and to stop hiding and accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within my participation in what is here.

I commit myself to when I see I am going into a joking mind to look at what activated the joking mode within me, and to when I see what it is to not accept and allow it to direct me and to instead correct myself in and as breathe within practically correcting myself in the moment with my behavior as that which is best for all life as myself and to stop all form of self accepted and allowed limitations.

Day 69 – The personality Suit Part 4 –excitement behavior 3

excited me.

OK so is the continuation of the personality suit and the behaviors Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave in a overload of energy as excitement when I am anxious or feeling insecure to hide it and make myself seem as a fun guy instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave out of fear and anxiety in a super excited manner as being charged up and ready to do anything as to hide the fear .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of seeing and investigating why and how I am creating and manifesting fear within my and to built up as a overload of energy that I release through excitement within my behaviors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of looking at why and how I am creating fear and anxiety within me and in the end have a built up of energy that release as behavior in excitement and to identify myself as personality as a excited person.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realized that as long as I identify myself as a excited person as a personality as who I am in my behavior that I am actually accepting and allowing me to exist in complete fear and anxiety/stress as I have made it part of my personality as a statement this is who I am as fear and anxiety and stress and I can not do anything about it.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that excitement is fear and anxiety/stress that has accumulated within me through my own acceptance and allowance within what I participate within me as back chat and secret mind as energy within the mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify my personality trait as being a excited person to be around with, realizing that I am actually just a anxious and fearful person to be around with which is disguised as excitement and thus I am actually a danger to myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a excitement seeking junkie that seeks fear and anxiety within me life and where I can face the fears or over come them as being this I can do it guy within excitement to hide the fear and anxiety as to portray the image of not being fearful and anxious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in harms way in danger when I am possessed by a energetic experience of excitement that is built up fear/anxiety/stress just to get a relies from the fear/anxiety/stress, realizing that all I have to do is breathe and look at myself and why/how I create fear/stress/anxiety within my life that I turn into excitement as a energetic possession as ego as a personality to impress people and to be liked and seen as more and special. 

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I create all fear/anxiety/stress within my life that I express as excitement in disguise just to keep up with a personality to show to others, as the guy that can over come fear and do things no one else can or fear to much doing, realizing that I can and do harm my body through placing my body in constant stress/fear/anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that it is not worth it to keep on living in self created fears/anxiety/stress that forms an overload of energy that comes out as excitement that leads to the ego doing stupid things such as jumping off a cliff or anything that seems extreme within excitement just to keep up the ego personality that I used to get people to like me, to accept me, to see me as more and special,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to impress people within what I can do as being a awesome personality that is excited to be around because I can do the exciting things that most people fear doing, realizing that one day I might not be so lucky and actually kill, harm myself through doing something to impress people just for the personality’s sake as the mind consciousness system that is based on self interest and energy.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realized that when I am excited in my behavior and acting it out, I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as fear/anxiety.stress because I am telling myself I need those things to generate energy to built up excitement and to sustain a suit of personality that isnt even real but made up and that will end at death ad who will I be then? Fear/anxiety/stress. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself a chance as breathe, to relax and live here within each breath as life one and equal and to not give into the mind as energy and to not live as fear and anxiety and stress just to have a temporarily experience of excitement and to to birth myself as life as who I am as I decide in each breath as that which is best for all life to free myself from mental and energetic enslavement and to breathe freely. 

I commit myself to when I experience a feeling of excitement, to stop and breathe and to look at what is underneath the excitement and to investigate in breathe in the moment who I am and what I am accepting and allowing within and as me in fact, to then stop and breathe and to be here in breathe, to not be a slave to energy as the mind.

I commit myself to investigate all points of excitement and to look at what is the fear/anxiety/stress that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me and my world and that I have allowed to accumulate within me to a energy built up that turns into a experience that I can not explain and call it excitement and to then within my behavior as my personality act out in my world and within this mind energy excitement can harm myself and others.

I commit myself to apply writing and self forgiveness on all stress/anxiety/fear that I participate within my self and my world as back chat/thoughts/secret mind and to free myself from all stress/anxiety/fear of the mind and to stop the enslavement of energy.

I commit myself to stop hiding behind excitement and to face the fears/stress/anxiety that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me and to take self responsibility for myself and so for my world and to not follow a energy movement within me, but to take self directive action in directing myself in and as the physical as that which is best for all life in all ways and to re-birth myself as life and to free myself as breath.

Day 68 – The Personality Suite Part 3 – Behavior 2

Ok so I have been looking at personality traits within my behaviors as to what I have created as my Suit to put on in this world. 

On Day 67 Behavior 1 I looked at the stability front/trait I have created to give forth as who I am yet its only a suit and not real, today I am going to look at the always happy smile me.

I asked myself – can I walk around all day without smiling once, is it possible to test myself in such a way to see if I am really directing me, or if the personality will kick in self defense, hiding and deceiving/manipulating and all the other points that gives the reason/justification for why I have created such trait within my personality suit. To survive!!

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smile to hide what is really going on in fear of others judging me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smile to pretend in front of others that it is going good with me just so that my life does not seem less than theirs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide the truth of myself from myself through always wanting and pretending to be happy to temporarily suppress the shit going on in the world and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking self responsibility for myself and my world and through this pretend everything is going fine with a big fuck you smile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always smile when I am in a group of people or with specific people just to give the impression it is going as well with me just not to concern them, realizing I am deceiving them and lying to myself as I know the world isn’t okay and we humans are fucking everything up and yet no one can even admit it to each other and just hide it all with a big fuck you smile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smile and pretend I am fucking happy as society wants me to be or I will be seen as a threat as I admit the reality of this world when I do not smile and get serious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smile in the fear of facing conflict with other beings as I might disturb their day if I show a little bit of the truth of me as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, realizing that when I do not smile it does not mean |I have to go into the polarity of being depressed or angry or unhappy, but it is to breathe and Be here within the reality as the physical one and equal and to not use smiling to hide and lie. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use smiling as a shield to hide, blinding the people looking at me with my white light teeth so that they may not see the darkness that lies behind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smile when meeting new people or being around certain people just to hold back the words I actually want to let our but  instead place the bars in front of my mouth so that the words cannot escape my mouth, realizing it isn’t to not stop smiling and suddenly say everything I want, it is to breathe and to realize that what goes on inside me as positive or negative must STOP both ways, thus stopping what the smile hides and so stop the smile as there is nothing to hide and no more deception, lies, manipulation, hiding

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my smile as a defense, so that when I open my  mouth and the whiteness of my teeth is revealed the other person cannot help but to only notice the white and to forget to look at all my problems so that I can remain within them and feel save with my problems. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my smile to mislead people to think I am always happy and that they are probably missing out on life somewhere as I can smile and they cannot, realizing that I am only fooling myself to play this game as I will always remain me behind my prison of white toothed bars.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my smile in situations as part of my personality suit to say I am okay, I can handle this, I am strong and to hide the actual experience of me and to lose the one chance of facing myself and to take self responsibility for what exist within me in the moment of breathe and self forgive and rebirth.

I commit myself to breathe and to stop the automated smile that comes up in moments, and to show myself that the smile that wanted to come out automatically within the moment was specific and that it was with a purpose, and to look within the moment/scenario/situation what was happening and what the smile wanted to hide/prevent and all other possible points.

Day 67 – The Personality Suit Part 2 - behavior 1

Ok so in part two I am going to go more into detail with my personality and certain traits that I have designed myself as the personality, these traits will be focused on the personality points that I have identified myself as, as the personality.

These are the traits that I will always make sure that when I meat people they must know me as these traits of my personality – you know the things you always do not matter with who you are as the main YOU (personality) that is imposed onto others as this is who I am, then all the small personality traits will always change and be different according to what is required in the situation environment. 

These personality traits is mostly in behaviors, you cannot help yourself but to live, be this personality because look it is in your behavior so it must be who you are, well it is to realize that it is who you have created yourself as. As the personality suit that you cannot even see you have a suit on anymore.

My first point will be on always being the “stable” guy in presentation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as stable when I meet new people as the personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as stable and quite when meeting new people in order to lurk them in, into feeling save around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present a image of myself as the personality of stability when around people or meeting new people to not “impose: on them in the fear of not being accepted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive others and myself within giving forth the presentation that I am stable and quite while in fact I am talking and scanning and observing and creating all kinds of evil shit in my head towards them and the environment, realizing that I am only deceiving myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give forth a personality as energy that gives the impression that I am stable to get others to accept me and to trust me, realizing that I do not even trust myself as I have to wear a personality suite to give forth a false picture/idea/impression of myself to hide behind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put on the personality suit of looking and giving the impression I am stable instead of actually being stable, realizing that if I take self responsibility for what goes on within me through writing and self forgiveness I can birth myself as stability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put on/wear the personality suite that gives a impression I am stable in the fear of that if others do not see me as stable that they will reject me, realizing that the image of stability I am presenting is but only a image that society have accepted and how stability looks like, reali9zing that stability is to have the ability to stand stand/stay still within any situation as breathe, as standing in the middle of a storm and to know Who I am as breath as life one and equal as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify stability as a personality one must have that presents a certain picture to people.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize stability as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to split myself in to as me and as a personality just to not to have to face who I am with or without others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at why I have created a personality trait that gives the impression to people that I am stable and that it is not acceptable as I still allow myself to not be stable in fact as breathe as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I require a personality to hide what is going on within me to give the impression that I am stable, realizing that I do not have to hide it from myself and that I can actually take what goes on within me as the storm and still stand as breathe and to look and self forgive what is within me and to birth myself as breathe as stability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the behavioral pattern as stability within my personality so that when I am around people I restrict myself from expressing myself and being here until I have found I am save and can let go of the stability trait and only then express myself.

I realize it isn’t to create a whole personality at all and that personality isn’t necessary, as the personality is actually that which allowed one to be unstable as the personality always changes, it is to breathe and be here within and as the physical moving, directing expressing self honesty and to live practically as that which is best for all life all ways, it is so much simpler and can be trusted by self and thus self stability. 

To Be Continued.