Amazon and Africa Burning – Sickness and headaches

I have been a bit sick for the past three days, with a saw throat, a slight headache and some throat pains and many body pains all over. At first, I thought it was just the seasons changing here in Panama, but then I came across another video today where the whole Burning of the Amazon is shown when I saw this my headache increased and my eyes hurt. 

I then looked back the days before I was sickish (I am not sick like laying in bed and cannot move) I saw that in the days before I was watching headlines of the Amazon burning and then Africa and how I was within seeing all of this, who I was. For those of you that know me, and this was a hectic storm in my mind of thoughts and emotions and played a big part in my sickness now, Nature and Animals are my thing (another self-belief to deal with as an emotional stance instead of physical) – check out https://www.patreon.com/earthhaven where we are now in the process of immigrating to Panama and then looking for a new location to run our operations from. It is moving slowly as we have not yet completely got our residence here, and no work permits, etc. it is in the process.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself for going into an emotional reaction of despair and anger seeing videos and footage of the Amazon and Africa burning.

I forgive myself for going into an emotional reaction of RAGE towards the money system and the humans on earth where I just want to say fuck it all, let us fuck ourselves up and get it done with, as a form of spite  and easy way to not have to take responsibility for what is here as ourselves and this planet.

I forgive myself for going into an emotional reaction towards myself as feeling powerless, feeling like I fucked up, I did not do my best, I am too late and so go into blaming everyone else who did not do anything as I did and wanting to be spiteful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I see images and footage of nature and animals as the creatures of the earth being harmed for money and human survival only, to go into a demon possession of rage where I want to simply destroy everything and say fuck it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see footage of nature burning down by men plan on this planet for profits and money, to wish for the end of the world of man and to end man and his time on this planet.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to entertain the thoughts and emotions of rage/anger towards other humans where I take the position of assumption in believing that those who are burning the amazon and Africa are pure evil, and so miss the point that they are as I am only wanting to survive and support their families in a system that forces people to be evil as we are all slaves to money and where money is the only thing that can feed a family and so reason and common sense goes out the window as survival is short-sighted and everyone is tuck in survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from those who are involved in the burning of the forests and nature around the world and so wish ill and evil onto them and thus onto myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that my shortcoming in who I am and thus what I do within this world is the same as most of humanity, where we all want to do something but we never moved ourselves to practically be able and capable, as I am now only able to sit in my house, write a blog and nothing else, I do not have a group that is politically active, or that has any power or say in this reality, no funds that can possibly move a single thing in this world, and so this is what most people will experience and thus feel powerless and useless, thus going to the streets and blaming others and screaming at people to change things is the only option which is a non-effective option and never changes anything, as the real solution is a political and economic change globally.

I forgive myself for when and as I see footage of the Amazon burning and Africa, to go into the mindset and emotional state of it is too late, we are fucked and doomed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear me and us as this life on earth to be fucked and doomed and too late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fight the consequences and wish for the consequences to not be real, to not manifest, and so I fight with myself in my mind and with my emotions as I am attempting to fight reality and how things actually work in reality in oneness and equality where we will be one and equal to ourselves and collectively and there is nothing that can stop that no matter how emotional I become, I have to stop and breathe and work with what is here as reality even when reality changes drastically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the suffering and consequences that the animals and plants and other people are going through as I know what is being done onto others will be done onto self as it is to give and so receive, and what is accepted and allowed for one part of life is accepted and allowed for all other parts of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand in separation of pain and suffering and destruction and so fear it, instead of standing equal and one t it, as who I am as life, where I do not stand in the way of what is needed in oneness and equality for life to be rebirthed but rather with and like it and not to judge what is happening, to stand as who I am to breathe and direct me as best as I can in each breath with what is here practically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am changing anything about the fired and destruction of nature and all the animals through being emotional about it, to be angry and enraged and overthinking and fearing for what happening, and as I can see all I am doing it harming myself and making myself ineffective through getting sick and headaches.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I did not have internet or computers or any modern tech, I would never have known the Amazon is burning or Africa and so what is real to me? Not to use this reasoning as to not be updated but simply showing that I can be stable and here within it all.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts, feelings and emotions within me through focusing on my breathing and being here, even when I see nature burning down on videos and earth being raped and killed, as I know that I can not do a single thing at this moment and need to keep moving me, keep standing, keep being here and not compromise me to become ineffective and useless through harming my body with HIGH emotions and thoughts that harm the body.

I commit myself to keep pushing the points I stand by this life and to not fall for the mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and if I do to write, to forgive to change to purify me here as all as one and equals to stand clear, even if the world ends, we are still here and we still need to deal with ourselves and what is here.

Day 638 - What do I STAND as, Fear or Life?

What I fear I attract. When I leave my brothers and Sisters to fear I equally accept and allow the attraction/creation. 

Fear is an illusion, when we stop fear it does not exist. So why do I fear? The question changes here to be more specific to rather what do I fear, what is more specific than why, why is simple, I fear because of the believe that I am separate from ALL that is here, so I place myself in a bubble of me against everything, where everything is against me, where I am in a consistent state of blame, victimization, fight or flight, control and following irrational thoughts and thinking. 

When I ask what I fear, I can see where I have accepted separation and abdicated responsibility for myself, and when I abdicate responsibility as myself, I abdicate responsibility for ALL and everything that is here, as I am all that is here as the manifestation of what is here one and equal. This places me within a consistent position of fear/paranoia/stress and anxiety. 

What I fear is HOW I will die, and within the fear of HOW I will die, I fear suffering, what I will go through, how the death of me will be, I fear suffering, I fear torture, I fear abuse, I fear a position of powerlessness where I have NO say, no way out,  no way of making a difference or preventing what is going to be done onto me or could be done onto me to the point where I die, and then what I fear after that is either existing with this trauma for eternity as what I went through or simply not existing/destroyed. 

Can I make peace with suffering? Can I stand one and equal to suffering, to torture, to the abuse and abuse of the physical body that is intentional and against my will, can I stop the fear of this, and even when this occurs, if it were to occur, can I stand equal and one within such a moment, and yet not have fear, to not give into the mind as illusion and to actually be here and stand within who I am. 

Sure, it isn’t necessary, what is my fear telling the universe/LIFE/existence? It is saying, please let this point manifest so that I can face it just to not fear it, so I see and realize that either way, I can stop the fear, or manifest the fear to only end up stopping the fear anyway, only to realize that after it all, I am still here, I am okay and I must move forward. Either in this life or the hereafter, I am always with me, and fear either way is useless and an illusion.. 

FEAR is showing us as humanity how to manifest within this holographic existence, where we are collectively GOD, and what we participate within we manifest in fact, we as humanity, as a whole together always, through all time, are manifesting and creating. 

Scriptures such as the Bible are passed on sins, it is a book where people have written the past and the future within, and so have locked in generations to keep on creating the revelation as the end of days as it is passed on, because this book is a great example of how what our grandparents FEARED as the end of the world to come should be ,and yet has never come, yet we as the grandchildren still now carry that end times scripture within us, as if we are taking a burning torch and carrying it on to keep it burning and thus keep this manifestation in sight and creating it. And so it shall be. So, to be clear that this is showing what we fear isn’t necessarily manifested in our lifetimes either, as manifestation takes time, but take a look, we as HUMANITY are GOD and to god (the physical/life) a day is a thousand years on earth. A thousand years is plus/minus 12 fully lived generations for the human form as god vessel. 

If we strongly believe in the end of days, the end of the world, we will create it, we will make it happen, we WILL manifest it and we will experience it as a collective, as humanity, if we BELIEVE heaven on earth will be here within a hundred years, it will be so, we will create it, we will make it so. Yet, FEAR seems to be the easiest path, suffering seems to be preferred path above real labour/work and to create and be creators. 

Ask yourself this, whos fears/illusions are we carrying like a burning torch to keep it alive, to manifest it,, to make it so, and WHY? and we must realize that we keep running with that torch forward in the holding of the FEAR within us, as the signs of the TIMES manifest more and more these end times, because of already hundreds of years of manifestations (so the fear become sgreater as physical evidence is now manifesting as "evidence" to manifest that illusion/fear and so we do not stop, because we fear doing somthing in vain if we stop, and that ALL we have believed in, participated within to menifest a fear will have been for nothing, and the evidence that is here of apparent end times and suffering will be proofed to not have to be so further is we simply STOP the fear and manifestation of it, so we would rather NOT stop and keep going just to not do it for nothing, even if it means destroying everything and going through unpresidented suffering for generations. That is mental. 

I have witnessed this for myself, how I can be SOO lazy that I would rather live in a dirty room with things standing everywhere and me just sitting on my ass because I feel like it, rather than getting up and cleaning my room. because if I have to get up, I would realize, shit I have been lazy all this time and the reasons I had for my room getting dirty are invalid now. how dissapointing for me to realize I was responsible, nothing else to blame and to victimize myself.

I have seen how I prefer the mess, the chaos, the destruction and negligence of things within my world, within MYSELF as who I am, OVER spending some time, some moments of a bit of “discomfort” to create myself, to develop and to expand, I would rather live in a world of complete disorder and discomfort as my surroundings than having some discomfort WITHIN myself as my experience and my body to mvoe a bit.

Because I FEAR I will fuck up, and so through the fear of fucking up, I have given up and simply let everything be a fuck up, because that way nothing can be pinpointed to ME being the fuckup, because..... LOOK!! everything is a fuckup, there is no evidence to blame me, I didn’t create this. 

Why are we accepting and allowing the destruction of earth? Because we all fear if we stood up and showed our heads, then we will suddenly be responsible, and thus it will be able for others to blame and judge us, so we rather not get up at all and just get lost in the mess, to hide in the mess, and we would rather be murdered, starve and go through horrendous experiences such as the end of the world than having a bit of discomfort within ourselves, we hate inconveniences, yet we as a group as humanity accept and allow TOTAL inconvenience for earth and our species as life here in the physical – as long as we just do not experience anything inside of ourselves that is uncomfortable for a moment to change the COURSE of things, because, YES!! it will take some hardcore action as a whole/group.

There is NO stopping what we have already given permission to, to manifest and that has already manifested and that now will be a consequential outflow of the acceptances and allowances as our FEARS to manifest from the past and present, and yes whatever we can imagine as our fears will come true, this is oneness and equality, this is what it means to be god in fact, we create what we BEHOLD in our eyes.
 

But, we are god right?

For a moment, take in the fact that you are god in fact, you manifest in fact what has been, that is here and what will be, what if god (you) stop, a dead stop, what if god simply does not move forward on what is already here, and say, till here and no further, I forgive myself, I accept full responsibility for what is here as ALL time, all consequences, I forgive all fear, I stand as LIFE, I will myself to stand as what is best for all life, I stop to fear my brothers and sisters, I stop the illusion of separation, I am all that is here as LIFE, I allow myself to let go of all illusion of fear, no matter how extreme the fear is, I stop, I am here, be still and Know that I am god, I am god, what does that mean, be still, still and darkness within, remove yourself from the fear manifestation propoganda of the mind, stop being one particapating within it, be STILL within and STILl within not moving with the massess, this way we change the MASS that everything consist of to be that of silence/stillness, we make a dent, we then stand as darkness/god and we create within the principle of LIFE.

I realize that I am the one in fact behind the steering wheel, I can turn around now, I do not linger anymore in regret, in shame, I no longer linger in the illusion that it is too late, I Stand as LIFE.I realize there is no honour in continueing forward with the path of fear, there is no respect, so what ever I fear losing by stopping isn;t a loss at all of nothing, it is a GAIN in life.