My HIGHER purpose is ME re-birthed as LIFE, re-aligning myself

This blog might come forth as me being hard  on myself, as I know I place a certain expectation onto myself, but I do this to shoot for the starts and reach the moon kind of thing, it helps for me to really SEE what is here, I do consider my practical living points currently even when in my writing it might look to the reader that I am just sitting and doing nothing, yet it is the exact opposite, all my time is full, so the point I am making is, in that I must stop the COPING character and take on the ACTIVE living of process stance as ME.

(I am writing this blog during a 12 hour work shift with the new job I got, after just having 3 hours of sleep and finishing an 8 hour shift before that, while Leila is sick and in bed with me taking care of Cesar) proofing to myself that when I am an active participant in my process there is time, there is space, I am here, and interestingly enough this actually supports a lot during my work shift, some simple good old writing. luckily it is online and gives the opportunity, 5 min here and there to write. So no more excuses for me in my position and location in my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a version of me that is coping, and so within this coping version of me feel I do not have to work more on myself as I am coping, as coping to the mind is just enough to remain in a state of survival and thus as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to COPE within and as the mind, and so not push myself further to stop me as the mind participation through implementing BREATH  and self-forgiveness daily to truly transcend ME to rebirth myself as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of LIFE through accepting and allowing a complacent within me of coping and seeing that as enough, and so waste my time and life simply coping, making it in the system, yet not within me as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to narrow down my process to that of coping, as if that is the reason I am here, to simply cope and make it through each day, not seeing and realizing that within such a stance within myself and within life I have given up, failed in essence, and so lost the essence of this process as me, as why I am walking this process for me as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to aspire for and towards small trivial gratifications in and of self interest on a daily basis to suppress my personal process and walking my personal process actively, taking on each and every point, and not just the seemingly important once, where I would on a daily basis aim for simple Matrix achievements of "I made it through the day", I have apparently done what was important (which according to the system is ONLY surviving) and then have to do nothing more but be a slave that is satisfied with his survival for the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear disturbing MYSELF through actually passionately walk my higher purpose this life of re-birthing myself as life, to stand one and equal as a true Destonian , facing my SHIT, my fears, my insecurities, my weaknesses and to forgive myself, to change to stand as what is best for all life, to own everything and take responsibility for all that is here as me within and without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to SHAVE my head and to keep my head shaved as a DESTONIAN as a living stance of the principals I stand by and as, YET miss the personal process I as a Destonian also committed to walk, which isn't pretty and nice, but self-honest openly, and to share this process, my process and to walk it where many others will resist and so stand as an example this one life that I have as me walking my personal process. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FORGET the starting point of me being here, the point of why I am doing this without choice, and so have fallen into CHOICE as an illusion within simply coping and throwing away my time and moments of opportunity to stand and to face myself, to change myself, to stop myself as my mind and to rebirth myself as life, as what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to LOSE sight of my process within the difficult times I have and am facing of real time physical change, through going into the character of coping, instead of standing breathing and seeing my process as an active living in each breathe where each and everything is a reflection of me and so an opportunity to face myself and take my process on actively, instead of my process simply running in the back ground and going the long hard route.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cope with everything instead of dealing with everything, and so within not dealing with everything that comes up within me as my reactions, my feelings, me experiences, I suppress and build up an entity of energy that posses me within my body, my actions, my thinking and eventually directs my life for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to KNOW what I am doing through NOT writing self-forgiveness daily, through blogging as much as I can or making vlogs where I can and actively walking my process and NOT doing anything about what I know but WAIT for better days where I do not have to cope with changes and time, not seeing and realizing that through walking my process actively I solve the problem of where I feel I am stuck in and coping within, as I know this, I have done this, I have lived this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and keep myself in a consistent state of coping where I become very reactive to small things, petty things that occur in my small reality of coping as a way of finding entertainment and purpose, as I have within coping lost sight of my "higher" purpose that is me as my process, where my focus is inwards, into me I see and so walk from within outwards as a rebirth process in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realized that I am reactive and taking things very personal in small things, as I have started to narrow my view of life within my coping bubble and so made everything personal, as I have insulated myself into a personal bubble where I believe everything is about me, losing sight of life and who I am here as life and so everything is a reflection of me to me and not something I must feel separate from and react to, take personal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Lose my voice through not expressing myself and stepping out of my coping character that tells me "do not do what is here only keep things as they are" and so start to isolate myself and cut myself off, creating fear and anxiety within myself instead of confidence and self-trust as me here in breath.

I forgive myself that I have refrained from sharing myself within the coping character in fear of getting to much feedback or requests to talk and that I will not be able to cope then, instead of trusting me here breath by breath to move and direct without procrastination and burden.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refrain from doing anything more within and as my process in the assumptive projection of expectation within my mind that I will overload myself by walking my own process and writing and sharing and making vlogs - and so have created a perfect MIND wall to not walk the very thing that supports me as to keep the mind in tact and in control ever so diminishing me.

My commitment is lived in the existence of this very blog for today = )

Day 452 – One Year later since Bernard Poolman’s Death

Wow, a year flies by like it was nothing, yet so much has happened in the past year since Bernard Poolman’s death. 

I am writing this blog tonight because this is the night a year ago that we all at the farm found out that Bernard just passed, and what a massive change this brought to the lives of all Destonians, all those that has been walking with Desteni and the principles of LIFE, as the example that Bernard stood as for us all to see that it is in fact possible for each one to do the same, in the most simplest ways.

Bernard Poolman stood as the point of evidence that change is possible, a change that is best for all life, a change that does not change once it is in place, a change that only moves to change what isn’t best for all life YET. 

and Bernard influenced Thousands of people, only a few came forth to walk this process openly and to change to be that living example, and I can say we are all still in this process of change, where we apply daily the simple tools of writing and self-forgiveness and living the change that is best for all life practically and moving ourselves to stand as the pillars of life, till all stand as life.

I lived with Bernard Poolman for just over five years and I have known him all my life, and through knowing Bernard Poolman not as a man but as a being walking a principle absolute in each and every breathe, I can say one thing. The example that I saw every day for five years in any sudden moment was so absolute I have never seen it anywhere else.

In the past year since Bernard’s Death I have faced challenges within myself, and in my life, where I used to get a simple common sense answer that is standing within what’s best for all life to help me and to support me through the points I am faced with from Bernard, I now had to do this all by myself, I had to take self-responsibility for myself in fact and live the example, become the example. 

I have fallen and I have stood and standing, I have seen that the way forward isn’t difficult but only one breathe at a time, it is to let go of all mind and to be here physically moving, it is to be that absolute point in each moment that is always here, which is the physical and to not falter within the mind.

After one year living without Bernard on the Farm I have greatly missed him and his presence, I am realizing that I only miss Bernard as I haven’t yet embraced all that he stood as, as myself in fact.

YET after one full year without Bernard the points that he shared with me and the understanding he showed me and the directions he gave me STILL stands the same, and these are the simple points I use to push myself to change myself to move forward.

I haven’t lost sight of what I am doing and why I am doing it as it is impossible to do so having had an example such as Bernard Poolman and to have seen him daily in any circumstances and within any sudden moment remaining the same and standing solid as the example of LIFE.

We as a group are still here after one year without Bernard Poolman, because we have seen the example, it is unchangeable, many got shit scared and their application within walking the journey to life has slowed down, many had gone, and many has come, many will never know Bernard or who he was and what he in fact did/started – there will only be a few who has known him directly and who has experienced and seen the example as life walking and moving as it. 

It is a responsibility to have had this opportunity to have lived and known Bernard and it is a responsibility not to praise or promote Bernard, but to stand as that living example in fact, because we had a taste of the cake we must now keep on changing our selves till we are the same cake, till we stand in fact and be the example for others to have the same opportunity, to have a taste of the cake and live to stand equal and one with and as it. Nothing less or more.

I am eternally grateful for Bernard Poolman and for myself that I have stood and walked, and I will not stop till what is best for all life exists within and as me as who I am as a living example and within the world. This is my life style, and I cannot accept anything less than what’s best for all life.

Thank you, we are dame okay.