Blog 686 - No One Understands Me Character

This is a dimension on the point of "no one understands me" and how this is a reality for all almost 8 billion humans on earth, not to mention the animals and plants on this planet.

I have walked my whole life being not understood by others, by the things I have said, done, or how I have acted and behaved, as I always wanted people to see me, that I am a good person, that my intentions was meant to be good and who I am is good. So, I would end in many arguments, as a child and a teenager with people in a "bad" way, as I felt throughout all the conversations and interactions that no one understood me, get me.

I have seen through so many others in their relationships and marriages how this same point play out, no one feels understood, truly understood, which is what people desire, as they want to be able to be seen and not live as an idea or opinion or some image in someone else's head, they want to be real and to be felt and to be honoured as the real person they believe or know they are within themselves, YET, this never happens and will never happen, it is a fairy tale, not within reality.

Imagine this if you will, for a moment use your imagination for a practical point, you are in essence asking 8 billion humans to understand you as you do, to never have to face any resistance, conflict or any form of arguments or feedback, which is impossible. Now, when we take it back to a smaller scale, we might have a partner and we desire and want them to understand us as we do ourselves, and they will want to same back, so you will basically spend about your whole life getting to truly understand and feel each other as you each would like to be understood by one another. Thus, your whole life will be spent trying to get the other person or people to understand you, or you will spend your whole life to find someone that "gets you" understands you.

You can see why most marriages fail in this world, why more relationships end up sour, why most people on earth can not live or work together, because no one is understanding one another, everyone is fighting to be understood, and no one is winning. 

This is because everyone is trying to be understood as characters/personalities to be validated, and it will never happen, some people claim this, that they have broken the code to understand their partner, yet, you have to be careful here. Let me explain.

If you claim to be understood by someone and that they just get you, they know you, they understand you, does that not mean and proof and show that you are just a program that can be read? and are they and you then yourself not enslaving yourself and each other to this "under/standing" of who you apparently are? it does not leave much space for self-change then, does it?

I have fought for years to be understood, and all I found was that I was enslaving myself first and foremost to the IDEA of it, to be understood by someone and to then feel that nice connection with them. After the idea, when I got it, I had someone that got me, understood me, it did not mean anything in the end, because I had to still change and thus the understanding of me had to change, which made it much harder to change, and vice versa.

So, what is the solution?

Living within principles - when we live within principle, the principle of what is best for all, the first and foremost important thing is to take care of yourself, take self responsibility for your self, if you feel mis-understood in a moment, take a moment to breath, take a moment to find out how you can communicate better, learn new words, expand your vocabulary to be more effective in bringing your points across, Yet, this can not be done for someone to understand YOU, it is to understand the POINT you are talking about. Since you are living in principle, it is not about YOU, it is about the POINT.

Then it is to make sure you take care of you in understanding yourself, this is YOUR process, and from learning about your programming, you take the steps to realize this YOU that you want everyone to understand is NOT you, it is a learned and programmed you, thus the YOU you are trying to understand is actually you trying to understand the programming that is ruining (sorry, I mean running) your life, and that you need to remove this programming with using the tools of writing and self forgiveness and adding in new LIVING words and commitment statement to live as YOU creating you, thus totally understanding yourself and living yourself.

I have spend a good amount of time walking this point within me, writing, self forgiveness and going through a lot of past trauma and friction and conflicts I created within this point, and how I then created a character within myself that is a base design of victimization, where the character walks around sobbing that no one understand me, creating anger and rage.

This is unacceptable.

I have learned, whenever I feel someone isn't understanding me, I am first of all using that person to blame for not seeing my programming that I myself am not seeing, and that I was trying and attempting to use them to show me my programming, and thus placing a responsibility on them that is mine and they can never help me with it, that I have to take on what I am trying to understand through another for and as myself, and that to then understand that programming of me, means I have to delete it and create myself to stop seeking to be understood.

By doing this, I will not and do not have fear of expressing myself, as I have no hidden programming that needs "understanding" before the points I am sharing and expressing makes sense, as they will be based in principle and thus my creation as self expression within what is best for all as me, best for me and another in effective communication of points, not of me and my characters and personalities that seeks validation.

No one should ever understand YOU, You should know thy self and from there live and express points within principle as who you are.

Day 685 - Self Honesty

The first time I was made aware of the concept of self-honesty (as it was still only a concept for me back then) was way back in 2007 through Bernard Poolman and the Desteni Process and message. This concept of self-honesty seemed so simple, be honest with yourself.

It turned out to not be as simple as I would have expected, I had a few points within me where I deceived myself with what self-honesty means, first was how I have defined the words self and honesty, and secondly, who is this self that is being honest?

So, as I started walking my journey to life process, I had to dig into this self, who am I, and I had to really face myself in many ways, in all thoughts, words and deeds, as who I was as a MIND consciousness system, as I as the living being was practically not here. My daily living was MENTAL, I would live and follow and believe every thought, every emotion, every reaction that came up within me, I would believe ideas and images of myself and try and live those ideas and images. 

So how could I have been self-honest in any way if I as the self in self-honesty was a MENTAL living being that follows thoughts, ideas, opinions and believes that are of the nature of the mind as ENERGY, always following energy - also known as the EGO, E = energy, and GOing there (E-GO).

This meant I had to apply certain very specific tools to STOP this EGO of a mental nature that I have accepted and allowed of myself since birth, I had to as THE MIND delete my mind one memory, one experience at a time, purifying myself.

The tools are that of writing, of writing self-forgiveness, and in general as I live daily, when I can, speak self forgiveness in times of a MENTAL state, such as when I was in thoughts, reactions, in an emotional or feeling energetic experience to release myself from that to be here.

The biggest parts that supported in this journey was purifying and understanding the WORDS I was living and how I was using the words in my mind, as my thinKING, as that then translated into my living, this also meant I had to re-educate myself, I had to take the time to learn something completely new, and this was the message of Desteni through the Portal, and in general all the research and sharing of other individuals and their processes.

The process of living self-honesty is a process of self-realization, and this does not mean we sit and think and see a different dimension of a point within us and go OH, there is self-honesty (that is still part of the process) but, NO, that is still just knowledge and information as a seeing within ones mind, there has to be a self-realization, this means it is integrated as self and self is living it, thus the journey and process of living self-honesty must be through ACTION and applying the tools, applying the self-honesty instantly as a self-realization, I have realized this, as the only parts of me that I actually changed, as who I am has been through self realization and when I speak as that living of the self-realization, I am living self-honesty.

Yet, the process in self-honesty is different for everyone on many levels within themselves and their lives as their position and location, YET, not so different, as we are all the same in many ways, and we do not have to "go on our own" to walk our process as self-honesty, that is part of the dishonesty within self, as within self honesty and realization, you realize there is no on your own, it is an illusion for self to abuse and be in ones mind without revealing your secrets to others and facing yourself with accountability - this reality is ONE, we must walk as equals to get this world to a place that is best for all. this brings in the next point.

I have in the past lost and to a degree forgotten quit a few times as I was occupied and obsessed with my own process about a very important part of walking this process, that I must walk it within PRINCIPLE, and this is a key to this process, without principle we are deceiving, we are self-dishonest, what is anything in this world if it does not have principles?

So what is the Principles I live by, or lets rather ask, what is the ONLY principles worth living by in this existence, and I would say, Desteni clarified that, and the main Principle is Always live what is best for all LIFE, and this in self-honesty should push one to not just live your life and think I am doing what is best for all life, not while all life is suffering, then your life and living it alone within just your process is dishonest, especially if you are a very capable intelligent human being within money and resources.

Sure, if your life and situation is going through a difficult time, focus on stabilizing yourself and your reality, yet do not get stuck in that position and location once it is sorted, move forward, move within PRINCIPLE and let it guide you within self-honesty. I know when I am lying to myself and telling myself, this is all I can do, this is where I am now settling down, if anyone can settle down this life with what is HERE as all life on this earth currently, that is self-dishonesty.

You can walk your own inner process and you can at the same time do something about this world, in fact it can compliment eachohter as each one will face themselves even more, the reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions of having to work with other human beings as mirrors of self, and this is a great opportunity, as long s we avoid GROUP effort to to do anything within this world practically and with common sense and basic math, then we are avoiding ourselves.

We avoid having to do anything with other people as we fear our own back chat and secret minds and thoughts towards others and thus our own reaction, thus we have already failed in doing anything as we KNOW ourselves to not be walking our processes effectively in self forgiveness to stop our minds and back chat to actually effectively come together this one life time to sit down, talk and come to a GROUP movement as what is best for all life as the guiding principle and thus how to change things within this system as how it is now, to let go of our IDEAS of what is right or wrong and to really be a BEAST to take on the system as ourselves.

Just like how I had to as the MIND start my process, as my mind forgiving my mind, We will have to as a SYSTEM within this SYSTEM take on this system and change this system, NO one can start from a pure and correct way, it is dishonest if you think so and live in an alternate reality, you will have to be evil at first to take on the evil and you will need your process and peers to support each other all the way. writing publicly is a great way of checking yourself and being checked, and specifically writing in self forgiveness.

The world is full of enough OPINION pieces - we who can read this and understand this, must take our positions and locations and apply what we know, living it, giving it, as the time for this is NOW. repetition is Key, Discipline is not what you desire, it is what is needed to be done and you Breathe and do it. 

Day 684 - What Do You WANT? For Real.

 

I have found, I am unable to change anything about myself that I see isn't benefiting me as the best potential I can be that in turn should be also the best benefit for all life, if I first do not WANT to, even if we can see why we need to change, that will mean nothing if we do not WANT to. I have found myself that whenever I am stuck in a point, or looping in a point, asking myself, why can I not change this, why is this so hard, what is it I am not understanding? I am actually only entertaining myself with questions and seeking more experiences to "understand" (when I have already had enough experiences and moments, so they are not pointless, but enough already) I am missing the one point even if I believe I do not get it yet, that I must want to change, and so this want is WILL power, and we then change regardless of knowing or understanding everything because to change you are walking into the NEW, you can not understand that yet, you have to walk it, and this is liberating, it is a moment by moment walking within principle, within what is best for all and thus yourself. it is a day by day living, walking, and breathing the WANT and WILL to change, with this the past, the habits, the time loops, the same things that have kept you in a place of not developing, can not grasp you any more, it can not latch onto you any more, because the want for change is stronger, so your actions, moments are all wanted, not an I have to attitude, or I must, it is YOUR desire as a want to change.

So ask yourself daily, if what you are living is what is best for yourself and thus best for all - is it a WANT yet. if not, find more understanding, educate yourself more. SEE why you do not yet want to live what is best for yourself and thus all, see where your actual wants are still distracting you and see what that actual wants has created thus far for you that does not benefit you, and get tired of it, be tired of yourself wanting destructive things, and see the benefits of wanting what is best for you as your best potential to bring about a version of you that will create the best version within this world for all.

Extra:

Ask yourself this to check, as basics.

Why do I want to be lazy?

Why do I want to Drink??

why do I want to smoke weed?

why do I want to postpone?

why do I want to neglect?

why do I want to not care for myself?

why do I not want to push through resistances?

why do I want to stay the same every day?

why do I want to not sort out my relationships?

why do I not want to be the best version I know I can be?

why do I want to not look inward and deal with myself?

these are questions to start with, once you realize everything you accept and allow daily is a want, you remove manipulation and victimization and thus blame, and you take full self-responsibility, that is where you are actually in power, no matter what. and then start changing your wants, will it, to be best for you and all life.

Falling in Reverse - Insights and Perspectives

A song to go with this post from the band called, falling in reverse

Pointers on falling in process

Your falling within yourself/process does not happen from within only, outside factors within this entire existence can and will trigger your falling.

If you fall, you know it already existed within you.

Falling can be in the smallest points all the way to the biggest.

Your falling does not only effect you, yet it is your self responsibility.

When falling, fall in reverse to change, not to blame and victimize. Forgive, change

Falling in your process isn't just an inside job, it effects reality, people.

Falling can happen in a single moment to being something that is happening very slowly over time.

When we fall, we will not be able to think straight, it is the point of falling, it brings out what already exist within oneself, thus the falling is to bring it all out. Try and focus as much as you can on simply breathing, slowing down, till you can write.

Falling isn't meant to be nice, it isn't meant to look, feel, or be nice, it is falling, there will be pain, hurt, shame, regrets, spite, and all the evil of self that will come out, you might not even be fully aware of what it all is till it comes up, breathe.

Falling will also bring out the falling points of others, thus compounding the point one is falling within to really bring the points out so one can face self, so remember to not make it about others, even when others are also falling because of your falling and it is effecting each other, all will be exposed in the Who am I point, we are all interconnected and equally responsible, thus to change is to not focus on eachothers falling, it is to focus on self to stand and the other doing the same.

Falling also exposes our strong points, points we have stood within and corrected already.

Falling is to shred all that can be shredded away so that only what is real remains, so that self can stand up and walk with what is real and not the illusion/delusions of self and reality. 

Those that stand and show themselves within this process, walking openly, will fall the hardest and receive the most backlash, those who do not will fall in secret and much less pressure will be on them for falling. Thus recognise your position and location and do not take it personal when falling and how others respond, it is about you, you standing up, with a new you here, one that is even stronger, more standing, clearer.

To the extent that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist within the mind will be the extent of the fall. thus always showing the importance of writing/self-forgivness, so that when we do fall, we do not fall into the mind only and lose ourselves and become possessed. which can lead to self harm and harming others.

 What I like about falling within myself, my process is, it shows me everything of me. I obviously do not like it while it happens, as it is falling. Bernard said, if you fall, know it already exited within you.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge falling.

Falling will happen to everyone, and it will happen for most in the most unusual ways so do not judge, compare, or try and hide and run away from the one falling, that is self also falling, ways we did not and could not expect. This is how falling is real, just like walking and tripping over something and then we are shown how we were/are not here in the first place, or some parts of ourselves that we still missed, or that we simply blatantly walked in ignorance/justifications, and that tripping and falling now through pain, through reality being shown to you gives you a moment to correct yourself, to stand up and change. To also stop any and all fear.

Yet, if we keep on tripping and falling, at some point it becomes greater, the tripping and falling scenario becomes bigger, especially if we walk our daily lives in awareness of points within ourselves and our reality that needs to change and yet we do not, it all accumulates to a FALL/FALLING, because we must wake up, or if we are awake, we must change and stop postponing.

Falling also becomes greater if one is standing as a certain point within their reality and that point of responsibility isn't lived fully, as it must come back to self, as within so without, to give the equal consequence for one to see and learn and preferably stand up and not give up. To start living what one sees, to not fear, to not hold back, to shed the voices of self as others from ones mind, to let go of the constructs we place within ourselves of what is right and what is wrong, who is more and who is less, all these things in our selves must end to truly stand and express fearlessly.

If we do not, we will only live in fear, falling will heighten what exist within self, and we will have two choices, crawl into a corner of the mind, fall and give up, get possessed and become a mind demon, or stand up and shed it all, self forgive all the nasty shit we have accepted and allowed that has only caused harm to ourselves and others, forgive and walk forward self-responsible, learn from the fall, fall in reverse.

Let your falling become your standing. do not be afraid to fall, do not feel that there is humiliation in falling, it only makes the falling wore, do not care about what others think about your falling, it will only make the falling less effective and be a response to change for others, not self, thus also exposing self is in a consistent state of victimization and blame when our change is tied to others, we are holding them responsible (or prisoner) when we are the only ones.

Falling and standing can happen in seconds, a whole day, a month, a year, do not rush the standing, fall, stand up and walk out of the falling to see all the points, to know they self, forgive self, change.

Reactions - Back to Basics

 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak with emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain emotional by holding onto a reaction that came up within me, and to then re enact that emotion as valid, thus validating the emotional experience and acting on it, keep it alive and to have influence over me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that it is okay to stop, to take a breath when there is a reaction within me, to see it and to let it go, to clear myself, and that I do not have to act, re-enact that experience, creating more consequences within myself and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am reacting very strongly, and have a lot of back chat and thoughts coming up within me, to go into the believe that this is here to show me I must act and do something with that emotion to get it out, to release it, instead of seeing and realizing that what I must do with the emotional reaction is clear the story behind it, clear that which is keeping the emotional point within me as valuable and thus giving it space within me, through writing, through breathing, through forgiving myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to train myself to respond with reactions on impulse, as I believe it makes me “strong”, that it makes me open and not holding anything back, when in fact the act of me acting on it is limiting me to only my point of view that I have formed within me through my back chat over time, and thus keeping me in the past and holding me there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep telling myself that my emotional reactive body is too much to change, too much to take self-responsibility for, and that I am a victim of my emotional body and thus anyone bringing any reaction up within me through their words/actions are to blame. Seeing and realize that this way I am always perpetuating my emotional body and crowing it more and more as I have already decided to give up.

I forgive myself that I have NOT yet accepted and allowed myself to develop through discipline and breathing to first remain silent and to first with any reaction to come up within me, FIRST clear any and all points that is emotional within it, to the point where my point of view changes, before I speak or say anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I have an emotional reaction, to point it at the person or people or situation that brought it up within me as the ones to blame. And so within this play the victim card, the blame card to not have to change, to not have to actually stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that each time I participate in a emotional reaction by speaking it, or playing it out, I am in fact diminishing myself as I am giving myself away to the emotions, back chat and the reaction as truth.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to really take the time to stop, to take every breath and moment to focus on myself, and to instead of doing that, focus on all the thoughts, the thinking, the back chat that follows with the emotional reaction (trigger) and look at ot all to conjure up my own stories to justify my own reactions, seeing and realizing this is my own prison I am creating and sentencing myself to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold others hostage for my emotional reactions and to live them out, by not taking full self-responsibility before I say a word or take an action and to make sure I am clear, and nothing is moving within me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to SEE and realize fully, to the extent of all of myself in every moment, that I create my won regrets through keeping myself in a emotional cycle consequences through acting and speaking when I am in an emotional reaction.

I forgive myself that I have NOT first made peace with myself and acknowledged to myself that I am a very emotional person, and to not make myself a victim to that, but to be able to know myself and walk with knowing myself to always be aware of what I must do and live FIRST before speaking or doing anything, to stop creating regret, and to move forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and deceive myself within why my emotional reaction are valid, and thus use my emotional reactions to justify and manipulate others in return, as I can only live what I do and who I am towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not respond NOW to someone or something that brought a reaction up within me, that I will lose, that I will miss out, that I will be weak for not responding NOW and be taken advantage of, NOT seeing and realizing that within that reasoning I am losing and being taken advantage of and missing out, by myself towards myself, as all I know in that moment is my  emotional reaction and not me. Thus I see and realize I must breathe through the reactions and the urgency I feel within me to do something with them, and to stop and remove the reactions first, by doing self-writing, breathing and slowing down till I am clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the idea that I must contain myself when and as I have an emotional reaction, seeing and realizing that this is me missing the point and only bottling myself up, Seeing and realizing that I must taka full inner action to understand the reaction, to stop the emotions and to change so that the emotional reactions I have stop and do not keep coming, and even if they do, then I know them and can simply breathe and stop, thus not bottling things up harming myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR slowing down and stopping myself when and as there is an emotional reaction within me, to fear that I will miss a point, not be able to make my point, give my input and then let others make decisions without me involved, and that this will cause me to lose, to be last and so I am left alone as a no one, THUS I see and realize that I must go there, I must stop, I must breathe to actually correct myself and change myself for myself and to stop making it about others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when and as I act on my emotional reactions that I am not even able to consider asking for support, help, guidance, as I simply act and then it is too late. Seeing and realizing that there are many ways to guide myself within a point once I take first self-responsibility, slowing down and breathing, to have clarity within myself on how to best direct myself where I stop creating regret and living in the past.

 I commit myself to when and as I there is any energetic movement within me, to recognise it as a reaction, to then stop, breath and slow down, to take responsibility for me and only me till the reaction is settled, to then take a new direction forward as the cal  me, the me that I can trust and honour and respect.

I commit myself to slow down, to find my words within me to express myself, to expand my vocabulary to be able to express myself, instead of relying on emotional reactions to guide me in my inner world, and to get to really understand myself and the nature of myself that needs to stop and change.

 

 

Forcefulness and Fear

As I am staying and moving in with Kelly and Adrian on their land here in Panama, which is surrounded by rivers and forests all around. I have been going into the wild for a few hours a day, something I have never been able to do. Even living on the Desteni Farm in South-Africa, there wasn’t really WILD nature around.

With this, I have been able to go to the woods/rivers and just BE HERE, breathing. Yet, I know as this is a new environment I have to be aware of the wildlife I am unfamiliar with, as most frogs and snakes here are poisonous and who knows what else. I am still learning.

This combination of me placing the direction and commitment for myself on what I am living in the wild with the wild being here I am accessing a very interesting part of myself, a part that has become automatic in the sense of survival/fear responses.

I know in South-Africa with the high crime/rape/murder there I had this point as an obvious point within me, but now that it is not with me any more, I feel I am reaching deeper roots of this point within me, I was looking at it while being by the river and I kind of named it for myself as the ancient fear - where humans generally could not just live with nature, unlike wild animals, we had to make shelter and weapons and all kinds of things that lead to where we are now, we have always felt inferior to nature and thus FORCED our way onto and through this earth by ravaging nature, destroying it just to feel secure and safe from the wild animals, and thus came full circle to humans now fearing themselves the most and what we do to ourselves, as nature is kind of out of the way right.

My experience in particular was strange, catching the ever so slight thoughts of destruction within me while being in this beautiful, peaceful environment coming up in a seemingly random moment. I was sitting on a rock in the middle of the river, the rock was smooth and big, so I wanted to lay on it, but there was this one piece of grass that somehow against all odds grew on this rock in a crack, and I caught myself with a thought of ripping it out and throwing it away into the water, as only then I would find this rock perfect and clean/safe, forcing my way onto the environment.

I stopped myself, I breathed and I asked for forgiveness for this piece of grass, and instead I saw myself in the grass growing there on this rock. I said to the grass, look at you, you grew here, look at me, I am also here but I only want to diminish you and myself. I then embraced myself as that piece of grass and sat with it on the rock, right next to it.

As I stood up from the rock, not having lived out this forcefulness towards this piece of grass sharing this rock with me as I was the visitor there, I noticed this more and more, I found myself with a stick in my hand and two rocks in my pocket, I saw then how my behaviour of having the stick and two rocks was to HARM, thus force my way onto nature, as the reason I had the stick and two rocks was for my protection right? In case there is a snake or a wild animal lurking in the forest surrounding me. Now, yes it can be practical in case there is a snake I can use the stick to move it, or the rocks to chase an animal off. BUT this post is not focussed on the practical side of this, it is to see what MOVED within me, as the starting point matters as that will determine my action in an unexpected moment.

I then took the two rocks out of my pocket and I put them down, I then took the stick and placed it down. I then had a moment of wondering/looking at the point for myself. Here I am in nature, it is SOO calm and peaceful, it is amazing, the sounds and the feeling of the place as the wind, fresh air, all is good, and I found myself being the ONLY threat there which was scary to see me in that moment, a complete system of fear and paranoia manifested as a justification of self-survival/defence, yet whit just me being who i am in the first, I am the only one there placing everything else in defensive mode, as they all need to now protect themselves from me, THUS my very starting point in who I am in the forest is thus making everything else dangerous.

I got up after putting my weapons down, I stood still for a moment taking in the fresh air and I said to myself, OK Gian, now, stop the mind, and be HERE in breathe moving one step at a time, do not consistently look around, following every small sound, or going into my mind of what is something jumps out of the bushes, and I started moving forward further down the river and the trees, I then started feeling my body relax, I then started feeling in tune so to say with my environment, I then started feeling actually aware of my environment without having to use my eyes and ears the whole time. I had to embrace a TRUST within me and so start resonating that trust into my environment as who I am.

This was a test for me on a personal level, and I would not recommend everyone doing it considering now the practical side of things and your environment, yet the point stands to always check WHO AM I and to look to the small things we stop that is forceful, catching those thoughts that rush through our head and places us into survival and fear/paranoia that leads to us becoming exactly what we fear and miss out on a whole different level of existence for ourselves and others that is possible.

I went much further, as I saw this point in a simple point such as going on a relaxed walk into the forest, I took the signature and I pulled it all the way into my life, my relationships and movement in my reality, my creation points, seeing where am I in this forcefulness, realizing it is not working, it is to be HERE, breathe and move myself as myself as expression from me, not something outside of me.

What Happens JUST As You Are About To Transcend

This is an awkward little blog of mine, on a point I do not share to much of, transcending, what a BIG word. What does this word mean even? the context of this word is not within words, it is within the living of self as words, as the living word. 

What the fuck does that mean? If the answer was complicated I might have been able to explain it to you in detail, unfortunately the answer is simple and so it can not be explained to you. See, simplicity complicates the MIND only, because the mind seeks complications and functions on things being complicated, it keeps the mind stimulated with complaining all the time. The answer should be within this paragraph to what the path and key is to transcend, but again, the mind will want to LOOK and FIND a key to this, even when the word itself is not understood, yet even if you seek to understand the word you will only find knowledge, and so already it is complicated. 

Here is the thing, just before you are about to Transcend, thus living change in every breathe, you quickly go and fuck around, just one last time, just this one more time around, just before transcending the mind and expressing self as life/living here in each breathe as all life, you must quickly have that last drink, that last smoke, that last drug hit, that last party, that last taste of porn and masturbation, that last argument, that last conversation that is pointless, that last reaction, that last say, that last opinion, that last moment of entertaining the mind essentially, and then you are way back at the bottom, because YOU saw, damn, transcending myself as life is actually simple, it is HERE as me, in my grasp, so why do it now? 

Why be silent now when I know it is HERE, why give up my addictions, my habits, my self believes, my self definitions, why give up the MIND now, when I can see it is so easy, I am right at the door of doing this, I might as well come back later, I mean, why not? it is right here, not going anywhere right??. 

Before I transcend, before I stand as myself as life here in every breathe, I MUST get the last fix, the last experience, but as usual, I know it just keeps on going on, to such an extent that I even later on forget that there is a door right here to transcend me as life, I get lost in the habits, the addictions, the routines, the dullness of my mind participation in self entertainment/stimulation, no matter what form that self entertainment is, may it be political, environmental, or just plain myself and my life, my relationships, my shit essentially. 

I once explained to someone, we are all born the same, we are of the essence of life, we are the same in the substance as life, we always have access to this life that is HERE, we do not lose it, we simply keep pulling curtains over it, as we know it is right there/here, It is actually so easy to be silent, to stop, to be with self and to be here, dropping everything within self, yet the mind as stated before, loves complications, and as much as you would like a complicated answer and method to transcend life, it does not exist, it only exist in the mind, that is what is complicated. The same way the system we live in reflects how we live within, it has complicated systems that creates complicated problems so that the people/self that wants control have enough complications to hide behind, what do you hide? Your own corruption and the things you get away with, the shit you want to get away with, just like how people in power and normal tax payers get away with shit, by using and implementing a complicated system, if it was simple, then well you are fucked and can not hide shit. simple as that. Oh yes, I am over simplifying everything in this post, a great argument for not changing and seeing directly what is here and requires change as SELF and so as the system. 

Where is the blog post going? at this point it is getting complicated, because that way the value seems more, just like how we like to over complicate everything in this world to give it value, losing the inherent value everything has as LIFE substance, within which we are all equal regardless of anything else. Stock markets? how money works? look it is made so complicated, and only if you LEARN to understand it do you have value and get equal value back, apparently, but that's also just a scam like this system over all, so if you can not deceive and manipulate and learn to fuck others over, you do not have value as a human, just look at how simple you are, just a gardener or a sewage cleaner, or waste remover, your value is nothing right?

Simplicity is seeing that health is not in the hospitals you have and the amount of doctors you have that specializes in everything, it is to see a healthy EARTH and thus food, water and air prevents all of that from being necessary to a HIGH degree, and obviously ALL life to have equal access to the resources instead of fighting, killing and murdering each other for it = SHARE and CARE, and taking care of the earth is pretty simple, as it works naturally with itself and everything on it, unlike us humans. We have already over complicated EVERYTHING, just like we do with our very selves, our relationships, everything personal and in the greater picture.

Back to the point, take a look, you most probably have had that moment or moments in your life, where you are, not experiencing BLISS, that is a fuckup too, but you are experiencing YOURSELF as all life, here directive as self in each moment/breath, where you SEE yourself change, where you SEE the best version of YOU in who you are in a moment within what is here as life is here currently to bring about a best version of life as you do for YOURSELF considering all life, then you fuck it up in a few minutes, right after that, like because you could see it, it is too good to be true, it can not be that simple, yet you KNOW, so you turn away, you move away, you go back to the old habits, and sometimes even diminish yourself even more, put yourself back in "your place" even more, you do not deserve to change and be your best version as you keep lying to yourself and selling yourself false images and likenesses, and so we can always wonder why the world and the earth is not achieving it's best version, we keep screaming, we keep yelling, we keep wondering, why is everything getting worse, we can sell ourselves the tickets that this ride is getting worse to getting better, but ask yourself, when you see the BEST version of you in a here moment, the breathe moment, do you BREATHE and stand up and walk as that version and do not accept anything less than that?

Regardless of what is required of you to walk through, to changing in your LIVING as your habits and patterns, you do it because YOU believe in your self as the best version of yourself? most likely not, a simple emotion that makes you feel bad, a thought, anything turns you back to the old asap, so why would the world be any different? the governments, the politicians? the system we live in? no one wants to transcend, even it it is RIGHT in our faces and we have seen it, the possibility in ourselves and so this world.

Do you live your best version? transcending YOU.

In Times of Confusion - look left then Right, then ask, what is left that is right? LOL

I have had several people come to me in the past month asking me, Gian, as a Desteni Farm member, I need some input on what is happening in the world.

I have attempted to  explain to two people what I see, and how I am approaching what is happening in the world. Now, a point I want to clarify is, I was a Desteni Farm member, the Desteni Farm does not exist anymore. So I am now a Desteni Member. Sure, I have input that not many others had the opportunity to have, I lived with Bernard and the Portal and other amazing people, pushing and living day in and day out Desteni, not just as a Destonian, but as a core member pushing and growing and standing as a farm member that supported and assist others who came to visit, giving up a lot of the system life and integration process to stand as what I/we did, but now I am in the system like anyone else, basically starting from scratch, as if I am 18 years old and fresh out of school. My life as Desteni, the Desteni farm, and what strange a time to enter the system, just as all shit started hitting the fan, and yes shit hitting the fan is slow, not all at once.

That is all over. What remains is quit simple, and it is DESTENI and the people that walk this process for and as themselves as Destonians, as equals, when we walk as equals we have a group of individuals standing together and one within what is best for all life as one body. 

I now have a regular job to have income, I am not supported by the "Desteni farm" and within this still stand as a Desteni member supporting and assisting the movement of Desteni, through my process as who I am, my blogs, my vlogs and Earth Haven. I am pushing to make Earth Haven my core focus as a Desteni member and pushing for a new farm land to start projects, but it all takes time and requires others support, like any business in this world.

As a former Desteni Farm member and now simply a Desteni Member, what is happening in the world? 

For me this is a relevant question, but to a degree very irrelevant when we consider all things can only change and move a certain direction based on who I am as an individual and so who you are as an individual, and so within this when someone asks me this question I rather ask, what are you doing within all of this? who are you within all of this? because that is what is going to matter and what is deciding what is happening in this world.  Are you a MIND entity, or are you LIFE?

Are you writing? are you applying self-forgiveness? are you in anyway participating in the DESTENI group events or community, such as the forum, or the group chats? are you living the principles? what is the point of asking me as a "Desteni farm Member" what is happening in the world, when I can not and have not even seen what is happening in your life or within you through you participation with and as Desteni? on a regular bases.

I ask this because the people that come to me asking these questions, I do not even know who they are, as if I Gian as a Desteni farm member must know, must have a direction and thus MUST share it with them lol, yet, showing what is happening in this world everywhere, everyone is demanding answers, everyone is demanding change, everyone is demanding that others give direction and solutions, yet they themselves is seen nowhere applying a solution, not even in their own lives and less to say within themselves and WHO THEY ARE as humans, as the nature they have accepted and allowed themselves to exist as, as the mind as energy, so what answers and SOLUTIONS are you demanding when you are demanding them from a MIND Organic Robot? not really solutions yet. Now, not saying all, probably like the covid-19 virus, only 0.001% of people are applying individual change, the rest do not get infected with this part of change yet.

So, I will not communicate with people/individuals through private messages or even some requesting I do private video calls with them, NO, I will not, unless I see your ass somewhere applying something, even if it is just sharing one blog a month of you showing that you understand DESTENI first of all, before requesting a Desteni Farm Member to answer your questions and give you time. Because what are you doing within this direction if you yourself are not even anywhere to be seen as a Desteonian? 

You are once again placing the responsibility onto another to answer to what is happening in this world, and so what ever I say will either satisfy you or not, but either way I will be blamed for my answers if it does or does not fit your world view and understanding. It is even more dangerous, because you who asks me to answer your questions, have not spend the TIME to see or even know that all has been shared, it is all in Desteni message, on the forums, in Bernard Poolmans videos, it is not complicated, it is all there, yet asking me only reveals self, not actually having grasp what has been said, laid out and the process ahead, the cycles or even seeing that the solution has been shared for this life time, YES, the solution to even today's problems has been shared, why wonder what is happening in this world when you can simply live the solution and trust that solution as yourself? why get distracted, that is the whole point the system will attempt to do, distract you from YOU, the solution, and so when all individuals are distracted who has and know the solution, then there is no group moving as individuals as equals within the same principles, it is all scattered and lost. 

2020 is the year it is TOO LATE, and we are TOO LATE, yet the solution is still here, as long as you can read this and are reading this. It is simply too late for HOPE, there is no more hope, now it is to live the solution as self in each breathe as life as what is best for all life, and so as individuals standing the same we walk as one, and to accumulate the principle faster and faster and so a solution is naturally born, through changing the nature of man. 

Many people are already awakening, without Desteni and the Desteni message, so do not see this as something that is exclusive, Desteni is simply a matter of taking the change into your hands, the process given, the solution given and walking it deliberately, as that quantify the process for all to change. 

What is happening in the world? I can give you my insights, but I will not for this post. As my answers at this point can only be a distraction. I will make a private video for Earth Haven in time to come on my insights for the members only, I feel there it can be directed more effectively. I do not have magical insight, simply 1+1 insights. Even I find my own insight, and the predictions I have made in the last few years that came true based on Math and dreams I had (only shared it with people close to me). Seems useless as long as WHO I AM and WHO YOU ARE isn't aligned in directing anything. 

Stop looking outwards FIRST, make the journey inwards and your Self-Honesty and SEEING reality beyond your brainwashing will step forth, you will not feel lost then, but rather know your direction as self as what is best for all within who you are. 

We still have a LONG way to go, as the next 7 years as I see it, will be 7 years of consequences, where everything, all rights and wrongs, all the moralities, laws and rules of this world will collide, the past and the present and the future, for the next 7 years this will all mix and mingle, and there will be only one outcome, this one outcome is not yet decided, the outcome will take place again in a cycle of 7 years from 2027 till 2034... For now, let everything go into chaos, chaos is where good an evil as the polarity design of this reality we exist in mix and the fine lines become unclear, and this is where we must stand as what is best for all, to define and create the new RIGHT and WRONG, where what is best for all life is the NEW right, and what is not best for all life is the new wrong, and thus ending polarity, the past.

This will not come by magically. It will be a real hard physical process, and for all those who can SEE and HEAR, not what the media is telling you, not what is on social media, or what is in the gossiping circles, NO, what is within self as self-honesty hearing self as life, that is where real standing and change will come by, then the question is, do you have the WILL to not be distracted, no matter how tempting, to remain in breathe as LIFE and to stand as what is best for all regardless when a polarity is thrown at you with a system morality judgement? 

Those who will stand together in silence as life will stand as the new direction together, those who stand outside the mess, in this world but not of this world, and thus stand by what is best for all life in thought/word and deed, not moved by the temptations of the flesh and remain steadfast in the new world that is best for all, shall be the way and the light. I am done rambling.