Day 53 - Life is all about sex, Part 1

Everyone I knew including myself, we all only look for that lover = sex partner, we do this from young ages till we die, we start seeking sex everywhere, we only see sex, we see a coke bottle as a females body, we see boobs/ass/legs in everything, when we talk to girls we focus on their bodies most probably all the time. 

Till we die, is this the purpose that God has made for our existence – I mean people always told me god's plan for you only he knows, yet everything in my life was only to obtain sex, get sex, the way I walked, the way I talked, the things I did, the sports I loved, the type of cigarettes I smoked, it all was a personality I created a EGO that is like a trap, to get that one girl to love me and give me sex.

Every time I said I love you to a girl, there was this little hidden voice, desire behind those words, saying “i want to fuck you” I want to have sex with you, can I have sex with you now, I love you alright can we do it already. - what made gods plan so special if sex was the only thing running my life, I became christian to get sex - it worked, I do not belief in god though.

I can not completely speak for the girls here, but I guess they have it similar.

I know all guys are the same, I hang out with multiple, thousands of different guys in my life, we are all the same, SEX SEX SEX seriously. Males talk about sex in everything, I remember in grade 7 two friends of mine that was a little bit over weight could push their chests together and it looked like boobs, they would do this in-front of each other and actually end up “pretending having sex with each other, at school, with cloths on, but still, it shows you at what age kids have already made/decided sex is what life is all about. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that LIFE is all about chasing after sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that LIFE is all about getting sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief males and females are created only for the purpose of finding and making sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see females as sexual objects and that is their purpose here on earth to be used for sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed through a educational system that has no true integrity on LIFE and real values but to only teach us about the system and survival and where sex is left for each person to be something hidden that consumes our life's and become the one thing we crave as we were never properly openly educated about it, it was mostly kept secret and left in the hands of kids to do and make of it as they please, the perfect place to breed all kinds of weird shit, addictions possessions etc which is only an indicator that even the adults do not know shit and are the same, sins of the fathers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed by society and the TV,movies,media that sex is all a male wants and needs and have to get in his life to live LIFE, 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume my life with only thinking about sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume my mind with thoughts/back chat and pictures of sex everyday as if is all life is about and can be, blinding me from life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fill myself up with desired pictures that got brainwashed into me through pictures I watched such as porn and movies or magazines and to literally make the desire my life, my goal, my achievement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life decisions based on my sexual desires, realizing that if I make a life decision only because I belief taking that life route will bring me sex with a certain desire I have that only exist in my mind, it will most probably never happen and thus I compromised and sabotaged my whole life for a picture.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act and change my behavior in certain ways to attract a female that I desire for sex and to within that develop “another personality for myself for that particular desire, realizing that I am only creating multiple personalities for myself according to all different sexual desires I have, and in the end may end up with a disease caused through my own doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally mind fuck myself through creating all of me as who I am as a certain personality/personalities to get sex in my life, separating myself from all life and only to exist as a picture seeking another picture that will simply end at death as I had no relevance to life at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to CHANGE around certain women in the hope for sex – future relationship to gain sex, realizing the fact that I could change for that must tell me there is something really wrong, as I have secret thoughts,back chat, desires that lurk within me that no one knows about till it is activated when I am around the desired picture – exposing me as the demon I am as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and built my personality/ego according to porn and how I see sex id done in the picture screen that I am watching believing it is real, and when I encounter a real living women in the flesh I access this ego/personality to hope for the gain of sex, realizing that I am playing out like a robot and that if the moment of sex comes I will be less than the porn I watched, because the porn was all a show and I made it real in my mind and actually accordingly designed myself to a picture show just for sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only thing about sex when I am talking to females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as someone that does not want sex when talking to females while in my secret mind I think and compare and look and only have sex on my mind, realizing that this is one step away from what a rapist is/does/do and that it is all programmed into me through TV.movies/porn/magazines and the educational system in this world and thus it isnt real and its all only in the mind to enslave and imprison self to a limited reality so that self can not realize self as LIFE as all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only analyze females when I see them and to see if they match any of my mind created desires for what I want and if sex with the female is possible and if I would want to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only interact with females that I belief I have a chance of having sex with and ignore the rest.

OK so this was a into to what I am going to start writing about, I basically touched each point here in a self forgiveness statement, I am not going to make a series of blogs here on each point I touched, giving a little bit of info and then deconstructing the points with self forgiveness. 

So stay tuned and lets show how fucked we are as males as ego and that we can rebirth and change yourself, I start with myself. 

I also strongly suggest to follow the hyper links for far more support and assistance.

To be continued.

Day 52 – There must be something more out there.

Day 52 – There must be something more out there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire for something more out there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge what is here as being insignificant, realizing that I am only judging myself and who I am as not being enough, thus searching for it out there in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being significant and thus all that is here as LIFE as not being enough and so create the desire/want/need for something more OUT there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from what is here in the search for something out there.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that what is out there or what is here is the same as I will always remain with myself, thus realizing it does not matter what is out there as being more as I will still remain with me within my own self judgments that caused the desire to seek something out there to make me more, to make me feel more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that LIFE HERE can not be all that life is, realizing that I have separated myself from LIFE as all LIFE HERE and so I am not even aware of all that is here through seeking for something more out there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed by T.V and media to belief that there is something more than just my life and that I ma insignificant if I do not find that something more, creating a life or rushing and of seeking the whole time, Missing Life here as who I am in oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that only within the mind where we create alternate dream worlds can we create what is here as not being enough, as we seek this better life, this life that is more constantly till death, only to realize we never lived and only seek.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the false images that the TV and Media portray as “THE LIFE” that we must all try and achieve to live, realizing that this is part of the game to keep people enslaved to their minds in search for something more than what life is here as who we ARE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as long as we are all enslaved within a capitalism system where some must have nothing for others to have everything to achieve a different life that we create in our minds as dreams and fantasies is only a lie until we change the system to a money system that is best for all life where all life can achieve a better life at the same time such as the equal money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to live a glamorous life just to hide who I am and not having to face who I am as LIFE as all LIFE as I know money is the key to life and thus realizing that giving money to all equally is the only way for a real life where all life has a dignified life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that there is a better life for everyone within a capitalism system, realizing capitalism is based on self interest and it is not within everyone self interest that all life has equal living as it will take away what those has that has more than half the worlds fair share in resources and money.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that as long as I search for a better life out there while being in a capitalism system I have been brainwashed through TV and the media to remain enslaved in hopes and dreams to a money system that only ever helps the few already in power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if some could have made a better life for themselves out there then so can i, not realizing that this is part of the enslavement game that the elite plays to give false hope and fantasies to people in poverty or a not so good life to always stay where they are hoping, dreaming and just working their asses off to make more money for the elite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blind to the truth of Capitalism within false  images within my mind as brainwashing through TV and the media that is constantly portrayed into our brains to keep us enslaved to a system that is designed for only a few to feast of the many.

I commit myself to show an reveal that any and all dreams and hopes of a better life within capitalism is part of the enslavement to keep people doing what they are doing and to work harder and harder and make money for the elite,

I commit myself to show that everyone is working their asses off daily within a system that promises a better life, yet no one sees that it is impossible for everyone to have a better life within capitalism and that this is part of the enslavement to keep people working to make money for the few that already have billions.

I commit myself to show and reveal that TV and the media is part of the brainwashing where they portray perfect pictures in the movies and TV series to show people what they can have the whole time, while the rich clearly knows it is impossible for all to have what they have and thus they do it deliberately to keep people enslaved to their games. 

I commit myself to show that only within an equal money system can all have a great amazing life as all the resources will be equally distributed between all people and that only through stopping Capitalism can we all achieve the dream we all have, a better life where we can live life instead of fighting and struggling and working out asses of for it, and to show that such a system is possible this life if we stand together and end the brainwashing and mind control within yourself.

Day 51 - I cant stop this feeling.

Feelings and emotions, we experience them everyday as if it is normal, like they are happening TO us. And we can not do anything about them.

I am talking about good feelings and bad - mostly we love having the good feelings, and we hate having the bad emotions.

Yet the good feelings require the bad to be good, the bad require the good feelings to be bad.

So within self honesty I can see that the good and the bad feelings and emotions are dependent on each other, there s not way they can exist without each other, so I can see with common sense that as I accept and allow good feeling and bad emotions I am creating an endless cycle for myself in my life of UP's and DOWN's.

I can see and that through giving in to feelings and or emotions I am already creating the opposite of the one i am accepting and allowing, it is predictable, and this is consequences. Because we tend to follow feelings and emotions, we are curious and want to see if they are real, yet not realizing hat they are made up inside yourself as chemical reactions within the body through certain signals we are giving the body within the thought/thinking process all in the mind.

We create feelings and emotions, that is why each being will experience love a different way, each being will experience fear a different way, each being experiences their now feeling and emotions according to the mixture they placed in their pot and the chemicals mixed.

Understanding this I realize that feeling and emotions does not just happen to us, it does not just magically come to us, it actually takes a process within the mind such as thoughts/secret thoughts/back chat/thinking/memories/experiences etc that we accept and allow within our minds and then we create certain feeling and emotions about it based on our own limited perceptions and beliefs and ideas and then it exist within us, it did not come from outside into you/me/us

So stopping feelings and emotions isn't impossible, neither is it impossible to stop thoughts, we like to think so, so that we do to have to take self responsibility as the creators within this world for what we are accepting and allowing to exist within ourselfs and thus within this world as it is currently.

I see within self honesty that it is necessary that we stop thoughts/feelings and emotions, as it is not what is best for all life, as the world that we have created thus far is showing us it isnt best for all life, we have spend billions of years within this same state and yet it has not created a world that is best for all life, this is enough evidence in the physical to show that who we are currently, who I am currently isnt working, it isnt equal and one with LIFE as who we are, because we are living in submission to the mind, as if everything in the mind is happening to us, all feeling and emotions are happening to us.

This is dangerous, realize - a nuclear war all depends on how one man FEELS, the man that has to push the button, does he feel up to it today, did he have a sudden feeling that it is necessary. If we accept and allow one thought we give permission to our-self and all others to have the thoughts they want - murders,rapists, psychopaths, etc.

Because through accepting and allowing thoughts/emotions/feelings we are accepting ourselfs as less than life, not as creators, as being subject to the mind as energy as something that must first happen to us before we act, before we move - like slaves with a whip to the mind.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that feelings is something that just happen to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that emotions is something that just happen to me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I am the creator of all the feeling and emotions I experience within me, as I am the one accepting and allowing them to be within me as I have created them within me through a process of thinking based on memories and past experiences that I have accepted and allowed to define me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that all thoughts/feeling/emotions are memories that is stored within my body through past experiences and that when I feel a feeling it is me giving permission to the feeling to come up, or that I am creating the feeling through a process of thoughts/thinking and participating within the mind, realizing it isnt some magical thing happening to me but me doing it myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am powerless to do anything about the feeling/emotions/thoughts within me, realizing that it exist within me as memories as experiences and thus I can stop and direct me in each breathe as I am the source.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that feeling and emotions is something happening to me through anothers actions, realizing that the feeling/emotions could only have been created within my body through a chemical reaction that I have to give a signal to through the process of thoughts and thinking, realizing that I am the creator, the one accepting and allowing it, and thus I can stop it and be here in each breathe one and equal as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am my feeling and emotions without considering that yet without feelings and emotions I am still here.

I forgive myself that I have not considered the being as me that is without feelings and emotions, neglecting me as the physical though constantly zapping myself and filling myself with feelings and emotions to not face me as the physical as who I am one and equal as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I do not experience feeling or emotions I am still here and to completely deny that such a part of me exist even when I have had this very evidence as me in the past where I was still without feeling or emotions.

I forgive myself that I have not considered the extensive abuse the mind does onto the physical body through the process of thoughts and creating chemical reactions as feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that every time I give permission to thoughts/feeling/emotions that the mind has to actually physically draw the materials it requires from the body to create and manifest feeling/emotions and thoughts, realizing that it is actually feeding off the body for a temporary experience killing the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that thoughts are more than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that feelings/emotions are more than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility as the creator as the one that accepts and allowed the thoughts/feelings/emotions within me to not have to face what I have accepted and allowed to exist within me and the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to stop the goof feelings, not realizing that all good feelings support bad emotions as they are one and the same supporting each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feel like taking self responsibility for my thoughts/feeling/emotions, realizing that this is simply really a clear example how I am a slave to feelings and emotions and thoughts, that a feeling decides for me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that as long as I accept and allow feeling/emotions/thoughts within me I am subject to them within all decisions I make and all I do in my life, realizing that I am in fact not living my life in each breath as what is best for all life as I am acting and reacting on thoughts/feelings/emotions the whole time that is of the past stored within the flesh as memories as past experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to be a slave to my past as thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my thoughts/feelings/emotions and thus the mind as I fear who I will be or that there will be no one, not realizing that before I had feelings and emotions and thoughts as a child I was here, I existed I am alive and thus it shows to me that thoughts/feelings and emotions is simply side effects outcomes of what has been placed within me through my acceptance and allowance within past events, thus it is proof that without thoughts/feeling and emotions there is a being alive, me as life one and equal in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the chemical reactions within my body as feelings and emotions to such and extent that I belief I am it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust feelings and emotions as being real and that I must follow my feelings and emotions, not considering I created them within me, thus it isnt even something that needs to follow, it is delusional and not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief my thoughts/feelings and emotions and what I am showing myself through creating my own feelings/emotions within me as a result of secret back chat in my mind where I talk to myself, as this is not different than a mentally disordered person within the system.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that while I give attention to my feelings and emotions all day I am neglecting the physical world and that which really actually in fact matters in relation to life as that which gives me my very breathe, thus leaving the earth in my absence to thoughts/feelings/emotions to others to do as they please and I can not even be aware of it as I am trapped within my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give all power and attention to the mind and all my feelings and emotions to such an extent that I can not even consider a bug's life or how a bug functions, where it comes from and what part it plays on my existence, and for such a bug to be able to go extinct and in the end my life, as I was to imprisoned in my won mind through thoughts/feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unable to even consider that I am LIFE one and equal due to the extent that I have brainwashed myself to belief that feelings and emotions are real and that they are who I am, yet they come form me as I Create them, who is this I that creates them, find yourself as Desteni I process and see who you really are.

I commit myself to support myself within writing and applying self forgiveness within the 7 year journey to life blogs to expose to myself who I have accepted and allowed myself to be through accepting and allowing thought/feelings/emotions to govern my life instead of me.

I commit myself to stop the self abuse of submitting to thoughts feelings and emotions as if they are happening to me and to take self responsibility as the creator and to birth myself as life one and equal through supporting myself within the daily writing of self forgiveness and writing within the 7 year journey to life blogs.

I commit myself to show/expose how we have trapped ourselfs within our own creations as/from the mind and how we have brainwashed and enslaved ourself's within and as the mind and through this forgot who we are as LIFE and to bring about awareness that we are not powerless and that we are not subject to the mind and that we can exist without the mind imposing onto reality as the physical.

I commit myself to show and expose that for billions of years of existing within the mind consciousness system that we were and still is unable to create a world that is best for all life as the mind as self interest and that to only rebirth ourself's as the physical as life one and equal can be bring about that which is best for all life in all ways and create heaven on earth for all life through establishing the Equal Money system this life.

Day 50 – I have a crush on you, back to self.

This is a continuation from Day 49 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek in secret acceptance from another where the being within my mind as a secret crush accepts me completely as who I am, realizing that it is me who has to accept me and forgive myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept me and to appreciate me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create secret crushes on certain girls within my world whom I have judged as superior and more than me, and to take them within my mind into a relationship where they accept me and appreciate me in the totality of me as to making myself feel better about myself due to my own self judgments. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create secret crushes within my mind with girls where I can within my mind literally create and make up the other being as I want her to be to not judge me and to “ONLY” accept me, realizing that I do this in separation of what I have judged myself as and have accepted and allowed myself to be as who I am and through creating someone separate within my mind to instead accept me so that I do not have to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally make the girl I have a secret crush with in my mind somehow miraculously not judge all the same self judgments I have about myself and accept me for who I am exactly where i do not accept myself  realizing that this is only me seeking to hide behind fantasies and hopes instead of facing myself as my own self judgments and my own insecurities and to stand one and equal as who I am in and as the physical where my mind bullshit will not determine who I am, but I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to create secret fantasy crushes on girls within my mind to make myself feel good about myself, realizing it is only temporary and in my mind lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create secret mind crushes on girl that I prefer to be in a relationship with yet I fear actually being in a relationship with such girl, thus I create it all in my mind as if I have a chance, realizing that I do this to not have to face my actual manifested self judgments that I have created about myself towards such girls that I fear being in a relationship with, as I have done this within separation within the mind as thoughts/beliefs/ideas about others in comparison with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create some girls more than others within my world according to what I belief I like and want due to programming as a child through the education and the media that I was in contact with and so create only secret crush in relation to girls that I believe are the one's for me through utilizing the knowledge and information that was imprinted within me as what to like and dislike.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and make girls more within my mind then what they are within and as the physical, realizing that within his I am only compromising myself and all relationships I have with all people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place special value on certain girls within my life as being more or special, realizing that this can only be so within my mind as within the physical there is only flesh one and the same and anything more or less is all made up in my mind.

I commit myself to stop all fantasy/desires within my mind that I create about girls that I have secret crushes on through writing and self forgiveness to lay it all out for myself so that I can see the delusion and to from there start developing equal communication with all women/men and to not create and cause separation as more or less as and to live what is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to support myself within working on the points of desire/fantasy relationships that I create in my mind about certain girls as having a crush on them, and to stop the crushing of self and others within the mind through writing and self forgiveness and to stop the behavior that leads to all stalkers/rapists and to expose the mind as the evil it is, and that we have accepted something such as this as having secrets and secret crushes in our minds as normal behavior, and to bring to light the common sense that the same process and thoughts and feelings and desires and fantasies that I had that was seen as innocent is what rapist has before they rape, is what create stalkers and all kinds of mental people.

I commit myself to show and expose the mind that can only exist in secret as the evil it is, as the mind is hidden and in darkness where we all hide and talk to ourselves and think about stuff all alone, and that this simple points that expose the mind as it is should show everyone it is evil.