Day 251 – The Death of My Horse Part 9 – The Journey to Life

continuation of Day 242 - The Death of my Horse Titan Part 1
and – Day 243 and 244 – The Death of my horse Titan Part 2 The Journey to Life
and – Day 245 – The Death of My Horse Part 3 the Journey to Life

and – Day 246 – The Death of My Horse Part 4 the Journey to Life

and - Day 247 - The Death of my Horse Part 5 - The Journey To Life

and – Day 248– The Death of My Horse Part 6 – The Journey to Life

and – Day 249 – The Death of My Horse Part 7 – The Journey to Life
and - Day250 – The Death Of My Horse Part 8 – The Journey to Life

Leila wrote a cool blog on the events of the day here that Titan was put down – Day 146: Death of a Horse (Titan)
and continuation on her point here - Day  147 and 148 - Aftermath Death of a Horse

Also to see the process of horses here with us and their process stuff in general, check out the interviews from Eqafe, really cool.

Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 1
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 2
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 3

Continuing from this part – “Seeing and realizing that as I live as Fear as who I am that all I will and can do as Fear and self interest is create and manifest my own fears, through constantly trying to dominate and control life in fear of Life being alive lol, because that has been judged as being bad and out of control.”

Ok so I am going to apply self forgiveness on all the fear points I faced daily with Titan.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Losing control. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear losing control of other Beings and that they might hurt me then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting hurt if and when I lose control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I ever had control, seeing and realizing that the control I thought I had was always only a attempt and not in fact control as it is impossible to control another being as it always require their agreement first to seem like control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not control things outside of me that they will always be a threat to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other beings as always being a threat to me, seeing and realizing that within this I act out in my behavior to control and dominate which is abusive and not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being dominated and controlled by other beings, as being their bitch and having to do whatever they ask/want, thus seeing and realizing how I always attempt to do this first to other beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being another beings bitch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as another beings bitch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to work with another being and to within this fear first control and dominate the other being to force the being into working with me, never considering to simply communicate and create equal agreements to walk together, and to within this destroy relationships through always first built the foundations of the relationships on fear through control and dominance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not have control over another being that the other being will take advantage of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not have control that I will be abused and misused by other beings, seeing and realizing how Titan showed me that within this fear all I did was create my fear onto other beings and abuse them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to fear something Bigger than me such as a horse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I have to fear something when and as it is bigger than me, seeing and realizing that it is to understand and work with and not to control and dominate as that will lead to abuse and consequences and in the end in fact manifest the fears.

To be continued.

Day 250 – The Death Of My Horse Part 8 – The Journey to Life

Me and Titan in 2009 February been with Titan for about 2 months almost

continuation of Day 242 - The Death of my Horse Titan Part 1
and – Day 243 and 244 – The Death of my horse Titan Part 2 The Journey to Life
and – Day 245 – The Death of My Horse Part 3 the Journey to Life

and – Day 246 – The Death of My Horse Part 4 the Journey to Life

and - Day 247 - The Death of my Horse Part 5 - The Journey To Life

and – Day 248– The Death of My Horse Part 6 – The Journey to Life

and – Day 249 – The Death of My Horse Part 7 – The Journey to Life

Leila wrote a cool blog on the events of the day here that Titan was put down – Day 146: Death of a Horse (Titan)
and continuation on her point here - Day  147 and 148 - Aftermath Death of a Horse

Also to see the process of horses here with us and their process stuff in general, check out the interviews from Eqafe, really cool.

Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 1
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 2
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 3

Continuing from this Part.

Quote: “because this system and world is so big all I have ever done was trying to dominate and control to try and prevent this death I fear. “

So continuing from the point where I had this general fear around Titan. every time I was with him this fear would already be the reaction towards something else existent within me, it was always to protect self interest.

I would for instance have a thought where I see myself getting hurt, or I would Fear that Titan would not work with me and that I would Lose control, or where I see Titan taking chances with me and that I am not in control.

These type of thoughts would come up and then I would react, the reaction as a negative experience would be interpreted as Fear, and thus I create fear/anxiety within me.

But looking at what started it as the Thoughts I can see within the understanding that Thoughts come from Memories which is from Past experiences, and since Titan was my first horse and this fear and the thoughts were already here I had to look deeper into where does these thoughts come from, what memories. Because Titan was pushing these buttons of mine every day – Showing me what is existing within me and that I need to sort that out.

So I can see within looking into my past as a child How Adults was the Bigger Beings, just like Titan, and that the Adults has superior strength and everything over me, and that the Adults used this to their advantage to control and dominate me as a child, so that I do not step out of line, or so that I do not cause anything and so that everything can always just be okay all the time, and the Adults did all of this from the starting point of Fear as they were taught from those before them.

So I learned that I had to always be in control and dominate anything or anyone I can to remain in control, because losing control was shown and connected to be BAD and not good and to be dominated and controlled wasn’t nice, that’s what I experienced as the child being controlled and dominated.

So here is my Childhood experience all over again, a Bigger Being Titan as representing the adult of when I was a child that Can dominate and control me, which I have connected as BAD and negative and that I don’t want to feel small and stupid again.

So I constantly wanted and attempted and did control and Dominate Titan in this fear of it being done onto me, when the solution is obvious – it is to work together as equals in terms of what is here in and as the physical within practicality and common sense, this does not require control and dominating, it requires communication and understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try/attempt to control and dominate other life forms in the fear of that they might do so to me if I do not do it first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to control and dominate other life forms out of the fear that it will be done onto me if I do not do it first is stupidity and evil as I am saying it is okay if it happens to others but not be yet I fully understand how if feels and that it isn’t nice and can and will lead to abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if and when I live to control and dominate that I will never actually Live life within self honesty as that which is best for all life but that I will always only be trapped within my own fears and trying to prevent them and call that living life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to control and dominate other beings from the starting point of fear and self interest will only create fearful and self interest driven beings as that is what I am living and showing them all the time within my actions and words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I all I have ever done within living in the anticipation of my fears is creating the past from which my fears were born in the present and that I am in fact creating and manifesting them within who I am as that determines what I do.

Seeing and realizing that as I live as Fear as who I am that all I will and can do as Fear and self interest is create and manifest my own fears, through constantly trying to dominate and control life in fear of Life being alive lol, because that has been judged as being bad and out of control.

To be Continued.

Day 249 – The Death of my Horse – The Journey to Life

continuation of Day 242 - The Death of my Horse Titan Part 1
and – Day 243 and 244 – The Death of my horse Titan Part 2 The Journey to Life
and – Day 245 – The Death of My Horse Part 3 the Journey to Life

and – Day 246 – The Death of My Horse Part 4 the Journey to Life

and - Day 247 - The Death of my Horse Part 5 - The Journey To Life

and – Day 248– The Death of My Horse Part 6 – The Journey to Life

Leila wrote a cool blog on the events of the day here that Titan was put down – Day 146: Death of a Horse (Titan)
and continuation on her point here - Day  147 and 148 - Aftermath Death of a Horse

Also to see the process of horses here with us and their process stuff in general, check out the interviews from Eqafe, really cool.

Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 1
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 2
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 3

Many beings die every day, and I can say most if not all of them do not die of old age as all the deaths are not natural, it is consequences/outflows of how we as the humans life here on earth, instead of with earth one and equal.

I mean everything we do DOES in fact have constant influences onto everything else, for instance air pollution in itself makes and all deaths not natural, even if someone does die of old age, due to air pollution that death isn’t natural because it reduced the beings natural life spam over all already which is man created. 

But one thing is always for sure, death is inevitable, it comes for everything one, no matter how hard we try and deny it or run away from it, no matter how much we try and cover up th fact of death with constantly flooding ourselves with happiness and positive energy that makes us feel alive to create the delusion while living that one will stay alive for ever, yet that’s it exactly how it works. 

See there are two options/choices either we are LIFE or NOT, that’s it, if we are life as life one and equal in fact we die as our bodies but well its the physical/life so we simply remain  here, when we choose the Mind as energy and we die, it is GONE. None existent as energy simply ends without getting a constant feed/substance to fuel it.

So the point I am getting to is With Titans Death I faced that point of death once again, I have lost many many pets in my life time due to cancer in my rats, or sick birds or birds that got attacked by cats, or dogs that had to be put down and many other ways, and I have always faced this point of death within myself in those moments. 

What I found different with Titan is that Titan resembled a bit More of Me, because what made Titan different for me from all the other animals was that he was BIG, this one point that was different as simply being the size of the animal showed me again that Death comes to all equally. 

I know that there is/was no difference between the life’s of all the other animals and Titan and their deaths, it is simply within my mind and how my mind made it all seem through the ideas and beliefs.

The beliefs I had was that Big animals such as humans Live a long time, this long time can easily make one delusional that death will never come, specifically for myself, death usually always happens out there to someone else, never to me.

Take bugs for example, Billions die each day, and Tens of Thousands die each minute, and no one gives a shit, no one cares, no one even notices it, because they are Tiny and not even they die of natural causes, it is human cause/effect, so Titans death was more Noticeable to me, but not different.

I faced quite a interesting point within this, I was Who I am and have been Towards Titan in the past four years that I participated with him. 

Who I was/am with him was complete control and dominating him, even when I was having fun with him, it was all from the starting point of Fear, Fear towards Titan and that he could hurt me or Kill me because he was a big animal with extreme superior physical strength in comparison to me.

So here comes the Fear of Death.

Now Titan wasn’t the fear, his is the interesting point, Titan only showed me who i am existing as fear n general, because Titan was simply being himself, a horse doing what he does with his life and co existing, the fear always only existed within me, this constant fear of death, fear that the world and the system we are all living in will Kill me, because this world and this money system we are all accepting and allowing to exist everyday is so big, and because this system and world is so big  all i have ever done was trying to dominate and control to try and prevent this death I fear. 

To be continued on this point

 with Self forgiveness