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| Me and Titan in 2009 February been with Titan for about 2 months almost |
continuation of Day 242 - The Death of my Horse Titan Part 1
and – Day 243 and 244 – The Death of my horse Titan Part 2 The Journey to Life
and – Day 245 – The Death of My Horse Part 3 the Journey to Life
and – Day 243 and 244 – The Death of my horse Titan Part 2 The Journey to Life
and – Day 245 – The Death of My Horse Part 3 the Journey to Life
Leila wrote a cool blog on the events of the day here that Titan was put
down – Day 146: Death of a Horse (Titan)
and continuation on her point here - Day 147 and 148 - Aftermath Death of a Horse
Also to see the process of horses here with us and their process stuff in general, check out the interviews from Eqafe, really cool.
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 1
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 2
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 3
and continuation on her point here - Day 147 and 148 - Aftermath Death of a Horse
Also to see the process of horses here with us and their process stuff in general, check out the interviews from Eqafe, really cool.
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 1
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 2
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 3
Continuing from this Part.
Quote: “because
this system and world is so big all I have ever done was trying to dominate and
control to try and prevent this death I fear. “
So continuing from the point where I had this general fear around Titan.
every time I was with him this fear would already be the reaction towards something
else existent within me, it was always to protect self interest.
I would for instance have a thought where I see myself getting hurt, or
I would Fear that Titan would not work with me and that I would Lose control,
or where I see Titan taking chances with me and that I am not in control.
These type of thoughts would come up and then I would react, the
reaction as a negative experience would be interpreted as Fear, and thus I
create fear/anxiety within me.
But looking at what started it as the Thoughts I can see within the
understanding that Thoughts come from Memories which is from Past experiences,
and since Titan was my first horse and this fear and the thoughts were already
here I had to look deeper into where does these thoughts come from, what memories.
Because Titan was pushing these buttons of mine every day – Showing me what is
existing within me and that I need to sort that out.
So I can see within looking into my past as a child How Adults was the
Bigger Beings, just like Titan, and that the Adults has superior strength and
everything over me, and that the Adults used this to their advantage to control
and dominate me as a child, so that I do not step out of line, or so that I do
not cause anything and so that everything can always just be okay all the time,
and the Adults did all of this from the starting point of Fear as they were
taught from those before them.
So I learned that I had to always be in control and dominate anything or
anyone I can to remain in control, because losing control was shown and
connected to be BAD and not good and to be dominated and controlled wasn’t nice,
that’s what I experienced as the child being controlled and dominated.
So here is my Childhood experience all over again, a Bigger Being Titan
as representing the adult of when I was a child that Can dominate and control
me, which I have connected as BAD and negative and that I don’t want to feel
small and stupid again.
So I constantly wanted and attempted and did control and Dominate Titan
in this fear of it being done onto me, when the solution is obvious – it is to
work together as equals in terms of what is here in and as the physical within
practicality and common sense, this does not require control and dominating, it
requires communication and understanding.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try/attempt
to control and dominate other life forms in the fear of that they might do so
to me if I do not do it first.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and
realize that to control and dominate other life forms out of the fear that it
will be done onto me if I do not do it first is stupidity and evil as I am
saying it is okay if it happens to others but not be yet I fully understand how
if feels and that it isn’t nice and can and will lead to abuse.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize
that if and when I live to control and dominate that I will never actually Live
life within self honesty as that which is best for all life but that I will
always only be trapped within my own fears and trying to prevent them and call
that living life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize
that to control and dominate other beings from the starting point of fear and
self interest will only create fearful and self interest driven beings as that
is what I am living and showing them all the time within my actions and words.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize
that I all I have ever done within living in the anticipation of my fears is
creating the past from which my fears were born in the present and that I am in
fact creating and manifesting them within who I am as that determines what I
do.
Seeing and realizing that as I live as Fear as who I am that all I will
and can do as Fear and self interest is create and manifest my own fears,
through constantly trying to dominate and control life in fear of Life being
alive lol, because that has been judged as being bad and out of control.
To be Continued.
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